Along with every other concerned mama, I’ve been watching America’s response to the bullying related suicides closely. People seem to be quite shocked by the cruelty that’s happening in America’s schools. I’m confused by their shock. I’m also concerned about what’s not being addressed in their proposed solutions.
The acceptable response seems to be that we need to better educate students and teachers about what bullying is and how to react appropriately to it. This plan is positive, certainly. But on its own, it seems a little like bailing frantically without looking for the hole in the boat through which the water is leaking.
Each time one of these stories is reported, the tag line is: “kids can be so cruel.” This is something we tend to say. Kids these days, they can be so cruel. But I think this is just a phrase we toss around to excuse ourselves from facing the truth. Because I don’t think kids are any crueler than adults. I just think kids aren’t quite as adept yet at disguising their cruelty.
Yesterday I heard a radio report that students who are most likely to be bullied are gay kids, overweight kids, and Muslim kids.
Hmmmmm.
I would venture to guess that at this point in American history, gay adults, overweight adults, and Muslim adults feel the most bullied as well.
Children are not cruel. Children are mirrors. They want to be “grown-up.” So they act how grown-ups act when we think they’re not looking. They do not act how we tell them to act at school assemblies. They act how we really act. They believe what we believe. They say what we say. And we have taught them that gay people are not okay. That overweight people are not okay. That Muslim people are not okay. That they are not equal. That they are to be feared. And people hurt the things they fear. We know that. What they are doing in the schools, what we are doing in the media - it’s all the same. The only difference is that children bully in the hallways and the cafeterias while we bully from behind pulpits and legislative benches and one liners on sit-coms.
And people are sensitive. People are heart-breakingly sensitive. If enough people tell someone over and over that he is not okay, he will believe it. And one way or another, he will die.
So how is any of this surprising? It’s quite predictable, actually. It’s trickle-down cruelty.
I don’t know much. But I know that each time I see something heartbreaking on the news, each time I encounter a problem outside, the answer to the problem is inside. The problem is AWAYS me and the solution is ALWAYS me. If I want my world to be less vicious, then I must become more gentle. If I want my children to embrace other children for who they are, to treat other children with the dignity and respect every child of God deserves, then I had better treat other adults the same way. And I better make sure that my children know beyond a shadow of a doubt that in God’s and their father’s and my eyes, they are okay. They are fine. They are loved as they are. Without a single unless. Because the kids who bully are those who are afraid that a secret part of themselves is not okay.
****
Dear Chase,
Whoever you are, whoever you become. You are loved. You are a miracle. You are our dream come true.
Chase, here is what would happen in our home if one day you tell your father and I that you are gay.
Our eyes would open wide.
And we would grab you and hold you tighter than you would be able to bear. And while we were holding you we would say a silent prayer that as little time as possible passed between the moment you knew you were gay and the moment you told us. And that you were never once afraid to tell us. And we would love you and ask you one million questions and then we would love you some more and finally, I would likely rush out to buy some rainbow t-shirts, honey, because you know mama likes to have an appropriate outfit for every occasion.
And I don’t mean, Chase, that we would be tolerant of you and your sexuality. If our goal is to be tolerant of people who are different than we are, Chase, then we really are aiming quite low. Traffic jams are to be tolerated. People are to be celebrated. People, every person, Is Divine. And so there would be celebrating. Celebrating that you would be one step closer to matching your outsides with your insides, to being who you are. And there would be a teeny part of my heart that would leap at the realization that I would forever be the most important woman in your life. And then we would tell everyone. We would not concern ourselves too much with their reactions. There will always be party poopers, baby.
We just wanted you to know this, honey. We’ve worried that since we are Christians, and since we love The Bible so much, that there might come a day when you feel unclear about our feelings about this. Because there are a few parts in The Bible that discuss homosexuality as a sin. So let us be clear about how we feel, because we have spent years of research and prayer and discussion deciding.
Chase, we don’t believe that homosexuality is a sin. Your parents are Christians who carefully choose what we believe and follow in the Bible. Some will tell you that this approach to Christianity is scandalous and blasphemous. But the thing is, honey, that the only thing that’s scandalous about this approach is admitting it out loud. The truth is that every Christian is a Christian who picks and chooses what to follow in the Bible.
Several years ago I was in a Bible study at church, and there was some talk about homosexuality being sinful, and I spoke up. I quoted Mother Teresa and said “When we judge people we have no time to love them.” And I was immediately reprimanded for my blasphemy by a woman who reminded me of 1 Corinthians 6: 9-10. But I was very confused because this woman was speaking. In church. And she was also wearing a necklace. And I could see her hair, baby. She had no head covering. All of which are things that are sooooo totally against the Bible Rules. * And so I just assumed that she had decided not to follow the parts of the Bible that limited her particular freedoms, but to go ahead and hold fast to the parts that limited other people’s freedoms. I didn’t point this out at the time baby, because she wasn’t a bad person. People are doing the best they can, mostly. It’s best not to embarrass people.
What I’m trying to say is that each Christian uses different criteria to decide what parts of the Bible to prioritize and demonstrate in their lives. Our criteria is that if it doesn’t bring us closer to seeing humanity as one, as connected, if it turns our judgment outward instead of inward, if it doesn’t help us become better lovers of God and others, if it distracts us from remembering what we are really supposed to be doing down here, which is finding God in every human being, serving each other before ourselves, feeding hungry people, comforting the sick and sad, giving up everything we have for others, laying down our lives for our friends . . . then we just assume we don’t understand it yet, we put it on a shelf, and we move on. Because all I need to know is that I am reborn. And here’s what I believe it means to be reborn:
The first time you’re born, you identify the people in the room as your family. The second time you’re born, you identify the whole world as your family. Christianity is not about joining a particular club, it’s about waking up to the fact that we are all in the same club. Every last one of us. So avoid discussions about who’s in and who’s out at all costs. Everybody’s in, baby. That’s what makes it beautiful. And hard. If working out your faith is not beautiful and hard, find a new one to work out. And if spiritual teachers are encouraging you to fear anyone, watch them closely, honey. Raise your eyebrow and then your hand. Because the phrase repeated most often in that Bible they are quoting is Do Not Be Afraid. So when they tell you that gay people are a threat to marriage, honey, think hard.
I can only speak from my personal experience, but I’ve been married for eight years and barely any gay people have tried to break up my marriage. I say barely any because that Nate Berkus is a little shady. I am defenseless against his cuteness and eye for accessories and so he is always convincing me to buy beautiful trinkets with our grocery money. This drives your sweet father a bit nuts. So you might want to keep your eye on Berkus. But with the exception of him, I’m fairly certain that the only threats to my marriage are my pride and anger and plain old human wanderlust. Do not be afraid of people who seem different than you, baby. Different always turns out to be an illusion. Look hard.
Chase, God gave you the Bible, and He also gave you your heart and your mind and I believe He’d like you to use all three. It’s a good system of checks and balances He designed. Prioritizing can still be hard, though. Jesus predicted that. So he gave us this story. A man approached Jesus and said that he was very confused by all of God’s laws and directions and asked Jesus to break it down for him. He said, “What are the most important laws?” And Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love others as yourself.” ** When in doubt, Chase, measure all your decisions and beliefs against that. Make damn sure that you are offering others the same rights, courtesies, and respect that you expect for yourself. If you do that, you can’t go wrong.
Chase, you are okay. You are a child of God. As is everyone else. There is nothing that you can become or do that will make God love you any more or any less. Nothing that you already are or will become is a surprise to God. Tomorrow has already been approved.
And so baby, your father and I have only one specific expectation of you. And that is that you celebrate others the way we celebrate you. That you remember, every day, every minute, that there is no one on God’s Green Earth who deserves more or less respect than you do, My Love.
“He has shown you what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” ***
Love, Mama
PS. We thought we should mention, honey, that if you’re straight, that’s okay too. I mean, it’d be a little anti-climactic now, honestly. But your father and I will deal.
PPS. All of the above holds true if you are overweight or Muslim too. No problem on either count.
PPPS. As daddy read this essay, I watched his gorgeous face intensify. He teared up a little. Then he slammed the letter down on the kitchen table and said emphatically and without a touch of irony, “DAMN STRAIGHT.”
Which, when you think about it honey, is really the funniest possible thing daddy could have said.
Love you Forever.
[...] I’ve read lots of articles and opinion pieces on this issue. I’m choosing to reblog this particular piece because it’s excellent, because my sister reposted it on facebook (and if she has the courage to do that then the least I can do is reblog it here) and because it comes closest to matching my own views (actually, this prior piece, and particularly this lady’s letter to her son, most accurately re…). [...]
I wish all Chrisitans were like you <3
Thank you for this, thank you so much. This resonates so profoundly – some for reasons I won’t say on the internet because it’s not my story to tell, and some for reasons that I am struggling with (on the internet even). I think you just healed a hole in my heart and head as to why I struggle with being a Christian. Thank you.
Simply, thank you.
Just reading this for the first time tonight. I really love you and your words a lot.
-Monkey since March
I come back and read this post every once in a while, and I find it beautiful every time. Thank you again for writing this it brings me to tears every time.
Glennon, this is the first of your stuff I’ve read…loved it. I am so fond of the message of unity. For I do believe it is our similarities that bind us, not our differences that separate us. We are all children of our Father.
As an openly gay, active Mormon I’ve come to also firmly believe in this: How we treat other people tells the world much more about *us* than it does them.
Thank you, my sister.
I love the letters, aside from the religious aspects.
So much wisdom wrapped in so much love.
G, every post you write brings me to tears. You are a beautiful reminder of what life can really be, and how people can really be. As a Christian who also loves gay people, I’m a huge fan and some of my best friends are gay, I have been searching for the right words to say EXACTLY what you just said below. I am not a mama yet at 35 (except to my 6 month old English Bulldog who is adorbs) but I hope to be someday. And I LOVE and ADORE your blog. I am a proud Monkee, and even though I have yet to experience the joys and merciless chicken pecking of motherhood, I’m in…because everybody is. Much love to you and all the Monkees. And please stop making me cry with all of your posts.
I echo this. I wrote a letter to my children like this once too:)
Thank you. Chase is lucky. It’s been 15 years since I came out to my conservative, evangelical family, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t fantasize about receiving this type of communication from them. There isn’t a day that goes by where I wouldn’t be willing to cut my lifespan in half for just a few words like these. So, thank you, for him, for us, for all your readers. I’m finally in seminary, MDiv and ordination bound, and my life is devoted to creating a world where this is the normal response.
Peace and blessings!
Amen, sister!
Oscar Hammerstein said it best, in South Pacific all those years ago:
You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught from year to year,
It’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.
You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught!
If these lyrics were to be rewritten now, I’m sure the lyricist would refer to all the *new* stuff we have to hate each other about. And NONE of it is valid. So, thank you for being a committed Christian who refuses to parrot the divisive dogma of other people who believe they’re also committed Christians.
And, anytime you’re up in Berkeley, CA, come by our Episcopal church. Our priest is gay! And we LOVE him!! And our organist/choirmaster is gay! And we LOVE him, too!! We also have women priests and deacons, whom we love!
And we don’t TOLERATE anyone. The only thing we merely tolerate is the VERY loud bus that rumbles right outside our door, always half-way through the sermon on Sunday mornings.
When my grown daughter was a little girl, we always said “yes, that girl/boy has two mommies (or that two daddies), and WE believe that’s just FINE!! In fact, we’re HAPPY for them!”
Love you!!!
A few of the Bay Area happa contingent
What a crack up! Loved it. Seriously made me giggle and hit home. I do not understand why I have an issue with gay marriage… its not just because it is in the bible as so much other stuff is that I agree I choose not to follow. Sometimes I think or just feel that maybe gay marriage doesn’t feel right to me. I have gay family members would go to a wedding and celebrate but I am not sure why if I could vote no on a bill I would! It is something that has made me question over and over why but it just doesn’t sit with my belief for some reason. If my four year old told me she was gay i would do what you would do if she asked me about marriage i think i would lie… i would never want to hurt her so why would i vote against it??? thank god i am a UK citizen not American so I can’t. Maybe if I had to when it really came down to it I wouldn’t… one confused lady trying to make sense of it all…
Beautiful! Thank you for writing this. All children should be so lucky to have loving parents who feel the same.
This issue is hardly an essential of the faith. Good people disagree, and who are we to say we know with absolute certainty what God thinks on this issue. Whatever side you come down on shouldn’t change how you treat people. It is rather silly to expect people who don’t believe in God to follow His teachings, on any issue. And for those who are gay and do believe in God, well the issue of homosexuality as a sin is between them and God. It is definitely none of my business. It is different with our children however. My children will certainly have sin in their life, and the debate will go on as to what to include in that category, but my love for them is independent of that. Does that mean I won’t encourage them to make better choices and seek God’s help in their sin, whatever it may be? Hell no! That is our job as parents.
I was actually more shocked to read that you would be fine with Chase being Muslim. Muslim’s don’t believe in Christ as the son of God, and that IS an essential of the Christian faith. It would absolutely break my heart for my children to choose not to be Christian.
Thank you for saying what I had always wished to hear from my mom. Beautiful.
I got sucked in to this blog today by the No Carpe Diem post floating around. That one was great, but this one made me cry. That cry/laugh thing commenters keep mentioning on this blog. I love this so much. I love it. It’s perfect. I love your approach to Christianity, and how you truly “get” what love means. It can only be unconditional. I love how you encourage a celebration when realizing ones truest self. True friends are those who celebrate with us as we become our truest self.
Beautiful.
Love this soooo much! I’m a 60 year-young African-American woman. I remember the days when ‘we’ were the ‘main’ targets of prejudice, hatred, and cruelty…in too many ways we still are. It’s just that now the media has some new faces to put on the masks of hatred and ingnorance…and that makes me sadder because I know what they’re going thru.
But, it’s wonderful to see those chains being broken on many fronts, and in the hearts minds of more and more people, like you. You stated everything so eloquently and sincerely. I’m sure there are parents who’d like to say these things to their children too. Now, you’ve said it for then.
And, you’ve also given something to the parents who need to hear that ‘they’ are the sources of these hurtful, negative belief systems. Indeed, children do mimic the behavior of the adults around them. It’s their main source of information. We teach them to talk, walk and everything else. Of course we teach them hatred and bias too.
We strive to protect our children from things like porn, drugs, and violence, so they’ll grow up with healty spirits and attitudes. Yet we expose them to hatred, narrow-mindedness, and bias by our unconscious behaviors. It’s no wonder they’re confused! It’s time we recognize and own up to the things we really do and know that we create the world we live in…now. And, we are the sources for the things our children learn and do. These qualities are the building blocks they’ll use to create the world of their future.
Beautiful. If I were to try to describe my religion, I would just hand them this essay.
Just found your blog through a link on FB, and just now read this. You have no way of knowing my religious background, (and you, justifiably so, have no interest, heh) and I can promise you I am straight, heh again, but this post brought tears to my eyes. *This? Is the picture of Christianity to me. My ex-husband and I have gone rounds about this – how he would react, and expect me to react, were either of our girls (13 and 10) to announce they were gay. I have since left him, and his religion, not based entirely, but somewhat, on his response to that. How could I ever leave my child? I couldn’t. I couldn’t believe in a God who would ask me to.
Love, Love, Love this! My daughter is gay. She gets met with love and nonjudgment in my home, and being told there is something wrong with her and a sinner in her father’s. It breaks my heart that he could treat our child this way, but the big thing I’ve learned in my life is “I can only change me”. I tried for years to change him…it didn’t work. I’ve known for years that my daughter is a lesbian. The only thing that mattered to me is that she was true to herself. That is the biggest thing I want for my children, because if they can be true to who they are, there won’t be secrets and lies and all those things that can destroy a person’s soul.
So I just want to say thank you for making me feel that I’m not the only mama out there who loves their kids truly unconditionally. Maybe there is more of us out there than I thought. And I agree with another person’s question…Will you please run for president?
LOVE IT!! This is the best thing I have read in years, and couldn’t come at a better time. Your son is blessed to have you as a mom! Keep up the great work!!
Your blog is amazing. I love this post. Words I wish I would have written. So glad to have found you and to be discovering your wonderful gifts.
I am a gay woman who grew up as a preacher’s kid. Because of my own spiritual journey, I stopped being a Christian many years ago. In what seems related, but is in fact a completely separate occurence, because of many Christians I encountered I found myself increasingly disliking Christians. My spirituality is based on the unity of all, but I admit I had a bit of trouble with Christians. Thank you for almost single-handedly salvaging the entire religion for me. P.S. Other Christian friends of mine help you with this.
I would like to add just one thing….not only should students and teachers be better educated about what bullying is, but all adults, particularly parents, should be better educated about bullying. Bullying takes place everywhere, not just at school. Acceptance of everyone must be modeled at home before the kids ever get to school age.
Thank you for your kind, loving, and compassionate words. To all you moms out there who love their gay children unconditionally, thank you. Thank you for being brave for your children and showing them love. My sister is gay, our mother is amazing. Loving accepting, and supports us no matter what. When I think about my sister’s daily struggles, inner battles, and her experiences with discrimination and prejudice, I cry because I can’t protect her and I can’t take away her heartache. When I think about all the other gay kids in the world who did not have loving families, who face persecution and hate, my heart breaks for them.
I LOVE how you wrote our children are the mirrors of us and we need to teach our children how to love others. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Wow. When the time comes that a child in my life is brave and shares that he or she is gay, I will share this post. What a wonderful gift.
i loved a lot of what you said here.
but there was something that stood out and struck a cord with me… ‘do not be afraid’. i personally believe if people stepped up with their marriage then they would have no reason to worry about anyone else’s. but as it stands today, marriage is demoted by so many because it’s so often disrespected by the traditional participants. if they’re afraid, they’re doing something wrong. our fear of gay marriage speaks a lot more about us and our disrespect for the family unit as it was created by God, than about anything else.
Thank … Well, whomever you may pray to…
I grew up in a very devoutly Catholic family- only they weren’t family by blood- and my grandma made damned sure she showed me, and everyone else in her life, LOVE. My, what a difference that makes! To have someone in your life who lives “the word,” rather than preaching it- someone who offers guidance, and truely unconditional LOVE… I am so grateful you have stepped out, and become that person for so many, even beyond your family! My time in the Navy exposed me to many people whom society has long since written off, and ya know what? They give everything they have to those who show even a little love! My friends and I often joke about how many “devoutly religious” people have comdemned us to hell- seems we’ll be in good company! My almost 4 yo son has quite the attraction to shoes, handbags, and hats, and I desperately hope that if he discovers he is gay, he will know he can tell me instantly, and my husband and I will probably laugh, wonder what took him so long, and then carry on. We all see, on a daily basis, the persecution of truly amazing human beings, in the name of “God” … As if any of us knows what we’re doing well enough to speak for “Him,” right?!? I cannot thank you enough for having created this community of LOVE! It takes no small dose of courage to challenge ourselves to always do what is so, so very desperately needed! I am not what most would consider an emotional woman, but I have yet to be able to stop crying after reading your post, and so many of the comments- they give me hope that there are many out there, besides me, who are ready, and willing to LOVE my sons, no matter what!
I am not trying to be a bully here but, I am going to disagree with your comments when it came to what you defined a Christian to be. If a Christian is someone who just chooses what they want to believe from the Bible, then they are not a Christian. There is right and wrong and it is clearly stated in the Bible and God expects us to follow those guidelines it is black and white, there is no gray area, and if we continue to not follow his guidelines then there will not be a place for us in heaven. If you know it is stated as a sin and you continue to ignore that, that is a problem. Now I am not sure if you son has talked to you about homosexuality or not but if he is homosexual,he is living with sin and by you letting him live this way, knowing its sin, you are just as guilty as he is. Stop trying to justify yourself and what you believe by dragging all other true Christians into this and speaking lies about them. The Bible is truth, and we are to live by it, all of it. Be accepting of him, thats fine and thats love but dont stereotype to make yourself feel better.
Read Leviticus…any part of it. It is very much part of the bibe. I dedicate my Catholic Christain life to follow the bible, the living word of God, but I do not choose to observe most of what is demanded in Leviticus. In fact, if I did, I would condemn everyone who has ever touched food in the world today…and that’s just for starters. My own dad would be exiled because he is bald, and all of the women in my life would be in great sin for sharing the same furniture in the house with their husbands during and after “that time of the month”. We must use the resources of our spiritual beings that God has given us to ensure our eternity in heaven. He designed us to think, to explore, and to evolve. He did not give us the right to judge sin in anyone but ourselves…take the adulterous woman as a perfect example. Why would we be encouraged to pray if we are supposed to follow the bible blindly without question?
We are positively instructed to question everything! Yes, Leviticus is part of the Bible – and a part I believe in – just not necessarily to personally observe. Everything has a context. The Bible isn’t an instruction manual, it’s a history/story book. Just because someone in the story does something horrible does NOT imply we should copy them! Many stories are given without any commentary at all! The lens we, as CHRISTians should use to interpret the Bible is Jesus. He didn’t teach that everyone was right and should be accepted absolutely. He taught that the woman at the well should be dealt with compassionately – and he called the Pharisees a “brood of vipers”!
Personally, I think that the instructions against homosexuality still apply… but I don’t think that it, as a sexual sin, is really all that different from any other of the socially acceptable sexual sins in our culture! Adultery? People don’t mind. Pre-marital sex? People not only accept it, you’re weird if you don’t do it! Homosexuality? Why’s it any different? It’s not; it might even be less bad because it’s less likely to hurt others! It’s a person, and the person should be treated compassionately… even when they’re wrong! Sure, I’d never tell someone I thought it was great – any more than I’d tell them I thought it was great they were having relationships outside of monogamous marriage!
As Anonymous said though, I don’t appreciate being dragged into it as hypocritical. There ARE some of us who try to follow the WHOLE Bible, not pick and choose. If I got up to lead church, I would cover my head, as that is, as I read it, what the Bible teaches. I don’t have pierced ears, as I believe the Bible states we shouldn’t pierce ourselves. There are many people who think I’m really weird for that. My lack of makeup even more so! I am inconvenienced by believing in the Bible… absolutely. And you should be, too. It should challenge you, and picking and choosing is only making God to be yourself.
OMG – I just found this and this is AMAZING. Would you run for President? So, so many things I agree with, empathize with, dream of, all start with the thought 'if only we could all get along' and here you've laid it out….simplistic, maybe (mine) but this 50something mama bear refuses to lay down her idealism that, someday, it could happen, that we DO all get along. Just wish I could be here to see it.
I stumbled upon this today because a friend posted it on my facebook wall. Thank you for this. My husband and I have been on a long journey from growing up in fundamentalist, exclusive christianity traditions to realizing the beautiful inclusivity of Christ. I am going to do the best that my sons know of me what your son certainly knows of you.
Love, love, love this essay! You've conveyed my sentiments so well and your letter to your son is one I'd like to send to mine. Thank you!
Beautifully said…and quite humorous as well. I've always told my girls that it's almost a shame that they both like boys, because they got the ONE mama in the world that couldn't care less if they were gay. Guess I'm not the only one after all. Down with haters.
Glennon, so much comes to mind when I read this. I was the victim of bullying from grade 4 to grade 12. In school. By our pastor's son. And NOBODY stood for me. Some days, I just wanted to die. I would've given ANYTHING to have my mom or dad go to the pastor & his wife to make their kid shut the pie hole. But then, guess where he learned it all from? (My parents came from their own hell, and were doing their best. I love them!) God has been so good to me, and I've been able to forgive, and move on. Funny though, when the boy-turned-pastor tried to friend me on facebook, I told him no. And why. That his cruel teasing and taunting were devastating and heartbreaking. His response was along the lines of "I didn't mean anything by it – hope you move on – have a nice life". Like I need the dickwad's permission. Ooops…was that in my outside voice? I HAVE moved on…but I also understand that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or trusting. But it has marked me. Oh my, yes. The rest of what you said? I firmly believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. Every single word. The idea of 'picking and choosing' doesn't fit with that. I used to be very narrow on the whole homosexual thing. But. A friend also shared his testimony, and it changed forever the way I view someone who is gay. My friend was led to Christ by his boss, who happened to be gay. The words, the conversation that my friend shared that took place between him and his boss were things that God knew I needed to hear. And He changed my heart. There can be so much debate, so much difference. But what God taught me? Don't judge. He made EVERYONE. The way we are. He loves us ALL. We should be iron sharpening iron, for sure. But not mean, hateful, or cruel. That doesn't at all reflect who my Jesus is.
I was directed here via a link on facebook, and just wanted to let you know how very much I appreciated this post.
I mostly left the church due to many of these same issues, and shared this link myself with members of my conservative family. But I still believe that where two or three are gathered in his name, there he is, and am filling my life with good people.
I also wanted to share the below book with you, as it helped me dig into some real answers on where this repressed theology comes from.
http://www.amazon.com/Embodiment-Approach-Sexuality-Christian-Theology/dp/0806617012
My personal theory on faith these days is "if you can't replace the word god with the word good, you're doing it wrong."
Thank you for reaffirming my belief that people within the church are working to embrace positive change. Keep doing the good work!
Amanda Kudalis
Dear March 6th Anonymous with the multi-part comments:
We don't preach here. We love. We share ideas, humbly, but gently. We don't give ultimatums. We don't "lay down the law." We do not claim to speak for God. We do not fight to make others believe what we believe.
While I respect your right to have your own opinion, your comments accomplish nothing. They do not promote love, and they do not win anyone over to your position.
Please be respectful of what we have created here – a place of love, grace, humility, and kindness. I would encourage you to read Glennon's posts that are tagged with "Faith." She has some profound words that I believe are God-given, and they resonate with the Jesus that I'm sure you know.
In the words of Glennon, more often to herself than to us, "Be careful." I cannot stress that hard enough, Anonymous friend. I do believe that your heart is in the right place. Just be careful.
With love,
Rachael
P.S. As someone who has the necessary exegetical background to take you to task on every single one of your points, it is very difficult not to respond to the message you put out there. But as I said, this is not the place. Momastery is for something else all together.
I agree with you Rachael. I, like Anonymous, have great difficulty with believing that homosexuality was part of God’s plan. I beleive that sin is ultimately responsible for homosexuality, the sin of parents, caregivers, mentors and teachers. Children who are misguided end up misguided. I believe homosexuality fits into this category. But….we are still callled to LOVE, to not JUDGE, to EMBRACE. Anonymous, your heart mayhave been in a good place but if you had spent time with Jesus before you wrote you may have been able to say it in a way that made people think instead of angry or blowing you off. I do not disagree with what you said but your intensity defeats your purpose.
Thank you so much for the wisest words I've read yet on bullying, and for that beautiful letter. I posted a link to this page on my Facebook page, and my friends were touched as well. My sister said, "For the 1st time in a long time I am not ashamed to call myself a Christian. I wish more people would come forward with the true meaning of Christianity." You've made the world a better place.
I REALLY needed to hear this today. After a week of dealing with daughter's preschool over a book she wanted to share with her class about a duckling who's different (The Sissy Duckling by Harvey Fierstein, it's awesome) and hearing from them (and some others) that being different is okay, but not TOO different and not if one wants to SHARE that difference in too loud of a way with those around them…I SO appreciate this post. Can't thank you enough for sharing it. It's brilliant. Love.
A friend of mine sent this to me. I just have to say thank you. from the bottom of my heart. I wish the world was full of people like you, not tolerant, but loving. I went through physical and emotional torture, as well as spiritual bankruptcy when I came out, all because I put my faith in people that wanted me to be something I cannot. How amazing it is to look back at that and have overcome. To go from actually wanting to die, to getting the absolute most out of every day possible, loving everyone I come in contact with, to me is the ultimate reward. Thanks again! Much love and light to you!
Thank you for this article. You have no idea how much it means and conveys to someone who has struggled with something their whole life and yet, has loved God their whole life, too!
Sincerely,
Just Kelly
CONTINUED…
Verse 27 is quite clear. Some people will go as far as to blaspheme and say that “well that part was written by Paul and not spoken by Jesus. They forget that 2nd Timothy 3:16 says “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.”
Romans 1:28-32 “and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.”
CONTINUED…
CONTINUED…
Perhaps the most direct New Testament dealing on this issue is found in Romans:
Romans 1:18-27 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to IMPURITY, so that their bodies would be DISHONORED among them. For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever, Amen. For this reason God gave them over to DEGRADING passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.”
Anonymous said…
Sorry about the order, something went wrong with the post
-PART 2-
In like manner, did Jesus run around going through the ten commandments and explaining what was and what was not still sin? No, the ones that He did talk about, he talked about to expand on their misunderstandings to make sure that they were on the same page with Him, with God. For example, Matthew 5:28 “You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY', but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Some people have told me, well all that stuff about homosexuality is old testament and Jesus came to make a new covenant. That breaks my heart that people think that the Old Testament is there just for the “Vintage” factor. Without the Old Testament you cannot begin to understand what Jesus did for us on the cross. Some people think that Jesus came to change or get rid of the law. Jesus doesn't think that in fact He said in Matthew 5:17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them”
CONTINUED…
-PART 4-
I will leave you with this:
2nd Timothy 4:2-4 “preach the Word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.”
2nd Timothy 3:1-9 “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these. For among them are those who enter into households and captivate weak women weighed down with sins, led on by various impulses, always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men of depraved mind, rejected in regard to the faith. But they will not make further progress; for their folly will be obvious to all…”
p.s: You said that you heard this from God. I have to ask, do you think that God is so absent minded so as to contradict His own Word which He wrote? Please remember, 2nd Corinthians 11:14 says "..for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light". Satan knows the Word of God and he is always trying to twist it to deceive. Please don't fall into his trap…I'm begging you…
-PART 3-
Sin is not a joke. This is not just to deal with the sin of homosexuality, but to also deal with sins of lust and pride and whatever else you want to put into the blank. Some people who fool themselves into thinking that they are Christians will run around and have sexual relations outside of the context of marriage, refuse to repent before a HOLY GOD and then want to condemn Homosexuality as a sin. They are fools and don't understand that unless they repent, their own sin will land them in Hell.
Can you be a homosexual and be a Christian? No you cannot. It is the same answer to the question of whether or not you can run around having sex with people and be a Christian. No and No. 1st John 3:9 is very clear on this issue, “No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.”
Stop playing games with His scripture trying to pick and choose what you will believe and what you will follow. Anyone who does that is not a Christian and only deceives themselves. Trust me, God is not going to be fooled. It is really simple, Jesus said in John 14:15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments”.
What are you trying to say? That we have to be perfect to get to heaven? No! Please do not get this twisted. If you have been born again, if you have truly been saved, you will obey Jesus' commandments as a lifestyle. It is AUTOMATIC because the Holy Spirit automatically brings about the image of Christ in those that are His. How do we know this? John 15:5 “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”
Look at that, the fruit comes automatically from abiding in Him and apart from Him we can do nothing. What fruit? Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…” Self-control means freedom from a life of sin.
Even right now, some of you reading this are thinking that I hate the homosexuals and I am here to tell you that you could not be farther from the truth. My heart is broken over them because they are living in sin and have been so deceived by the enemy that they believe that they were just born that way. The truth is that we are all born with sin and its ravages flow through our veins. However, to say that someone is born a homosexual is the same thing as to say that someone is born a thief or an adulterer. Do you forget that we do not war against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities and rulers of darkness(Ephesians 6:12)? Homosexuality is a demonic stronghold that is gaining significant ground in this day and age mainly due to people not calling sin as sin and not going to God through Jesus.
I know that I will lose friends for this post. People will delete me from their friends list and shun me for speaking the truth. But I would rather be hated by you all now and you hear the truth and possibly be saved than for me to be silent, you perish in your sins, and your blood to be found on my hands. I will not let my lack of obedience get in the way of you hearing the truth of the Word of God.
CONTINUED…
-PART 1-
My heart is broken! I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit here and watch as these people around me die in their sins. I can’t sleep and my eyes are full of tears…Then some of the people who claim to be “Christians” are denying the truth in the Word of God and spreading heresies and blasphemies that tickle their ears and lull them into a state of false security. They don’t know Christ but believe that they do…oh what a powerful and evil deception from the pit of Hell!!….
I know people who think that they have been saved who think that homosexuality is not a grievous sin in the eyes of God! They run around saying that God does not disapprove of it as if it isn't written plainly in scripture for them to see. What terrible times these are…But I shouldn’t be surprised because the scripture spoke of this…
Leviticus 18:22 “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.”
Leviticus 20:13 “If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their blood guiltiness is upon them”
It is pretty plain that God detests homosexuality. It is sin, an abomination even before His eyes. Do you think that God is sitting up in Heaven saying “Ah you know, it used to be an abomination to me but hey, it is 2011, its no biggie now”? James 1:17 “(God)…with whom there is NO VARIATION or shifting shadow”, Hebrews 13:8 “Jesus Christ(being God) is the SAME yesterday and today and forever”, Isaiah 40:8 “The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever”, Luke 21:33, Mathew 24:35 “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words WILL NOT pass away”. I am pretty sure God does not change His mind on what is sin and what is not, especially the ones in the abomination category.
Some people will say, “Oh well when Jesus came it was different. He never condemned homosexuality as sin so its ok.” The only reason Jesus didn't waste His time talking about homosexuality being a sin in the eyes of God is because the people ALREADY knew that it was an abomination in His sight. It is why Sodom and Gomorrah was destroyed in Genesis 18 and 19. If you don't believe me, check how the two Angels did not commit to destroying it until the men of the city tried to come out and have sex with them (Genesis 19:1-29).
Look at Lot in those same verses. See what happens when you hang around sin too long without renewing your mind? You become corrupted. You start thinking like the world. Lot was going to give up his virgin daughters to be raped by these evil men…see how his mind was twisted by the enemy!
CONTINUED…
OK, I want to be reborn into your family the next time around. For every act of horrible curelty, if there ia a counterbalance like your home, we will heal. Thank you. Bless you. I hope this is the rock in the pond, sending out ripples that encircle our lives.
Some food for thought.
It is very nice and comforting to know other people agree with us, or to be called right. It is very validating, and I believe to live our human nature needs to be validated. However, it does not mean we are right, no matter how many people agree with us. I think about this a lot when I start to thinking I am right. Lots of people agreed with Hitler after all. I think it is very important to our children to know they will never be fully right…they need to keep seeking God and so do we, steadfastly, knowing they will never get there. I have to remind myself, that probably, in God's eyes, I am no more right than the people who's views make me cringe. I think the thing we need to teach our children is how to be whole people without needing to be right all the time.
Second point, God loves His image in people. He doesn't love the sinful parts. We can have endless debates about what is and what isn't a sinful part. And those debates can be good, because people have a lot of trouble separating God's image in people from the rest of them. And I think striving to love people more and better is what being a christian is all about. But, most importantly, we need to look for God's image in people, and love them for that, and encourage them to have the core of their being be that image. And teach them to be confident in their salvation in Jesus Christ, that that is what makes them right with God, not having to adjust their theology to make sure that their life or their beliefs are right with God. Because there will always be part of our lives and our beliefs that are wrong with God.
I guess, how can we give our children the self confidence they need to survive on earth but still ensure they have the humility that I believe is actually pleasing to God?
This post touched my soul! Tears are streaming down my face as I think about how much better the world would be if more adults modeled loving with our faith and our minds.
I have been a 2nd-4th grade teacher in the NYC public schools for the past 4 years. Unfortunately, I have witnessed too many of our little ones mirroring the negativity adults have modeled for them. And while my school created an anti-bullying campaign, which included all faculty and students, I did not see a significant decrease in bullying. I constantly struggle with how to make my classroom a more loving place, where all students feel safe to be themselves, without fear of judgement or negative repercussions.
As a woman of faith, I am so glad that God is using you to do good with his will. Far too many of our fellow believers are creating the in and out groups that you spoke of. We need more people to operate through a love ethic.
Thank you so much for this post.You have strengthened my faith this morning.
Be blessed,
Tracy
While I applaud your words and their message, I feel compelled to point out that some of the parents who are concerned and are trying to raise their kids to be compassionate members of the human race are indeed not their Mama's, but are their Daddy's.
Sexism is something else our kids learn from parents…
Signed,
A concerned Daddy
Thank you so much for being a good and caring father to your child(ren). Thank you for reminding me that men that care make a really big difference too!
You are a gift. Thank You.
Last night, my 13 year old son slipped a note under our bedroom door. It said he didn't know how to tell us that he likes girls and guys and he thinks that is called bi-sexual so he wrote us a note. This morning when I read it, before he woke up, I came and read this post again. I need these words to be my words to him today.
This may just be normal curiosity. He may be bi-sexual … he may be gay … he may be straight. None of that matters to me … well, it matters but only in the fact that I want him to be true to who he is. I celebrate him!
Thank you for giving tangible words to my heart.
I am also putting this on my facebook page. Please email me at rkjfarmer at gmail dot com if you prefer that this blog post is not shared in that manner.
But thank you for writing and sharing it. Beautifully written.
So true. Children learn from their parents casual conversations that they don't think their children pick up on. Prejudice is TAUGHT and LEARNED.
And I've always hated the "tolerance" b.s. That's like, "Yes, I'll tolerate you. I won't kill you, but I'll never change the fact that I think that what you are or who you are is an abomination and I will preach that to my children and take that from my Bible."
Amazing post! I'm crying and laughing! Thanks to Mrs. 4444 for sending me your way! I'm a new follower, of you not of Jesus, but I'm sure you're okay with that.
Amen, Sister! I love this post–every single thing about it. I thank Mrs. 4444 for introducing me to a fellow blogger I'm quite certain is soon to become one of my favorites.