I’m staring at this blank page and thinking: This is one of the most important things you’ll ever write. Be kind and brave, Glennon. Steady. Clear. Shameless. Gentle. True.
Pretend it’s just the two of us here in my kitchen. I’m making us chamomile tea. I pass a mug to you and ask you to sit down on the couch with me. You follow me into my family room and and we sit down and I look at you. I can see that you’re nervous because you’ve figured out I’m about to tell you something important. I quickly say: It’s okay. Everyone is healthy. All is well. We are all okay.
We are. And yet.
Craig and I are separating.
What happened? I am still looking for the words. While I am smack dab in the middle of the unfolding, here is my best explanation: As you’ll read in Love Warrior, Craig and I endured serious trauma a few years ago. We suffered. My God, we suffered. I was broken, just completely shattered. And then we healed. It was beautiful.
And this is what I learned: You can be shattered and then you can put yourself back together piece by piece.
But what can happen over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently. That you are whole, finally, and strong – but you are now a different shape, a different size. This sort of change — the change that occurs when you sit inside your own pain — it’s revolutionary. When you let yourself die, there is suddenly one day: new life. You are Different. New. And no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot fit into your old life anymore. You are like a snake trying to fit into old, dead skin, or a butterfly trying to crawl back into the cocoon, or new wine trying to pour itself back into an old wineskin. This new you is equal parts undeniable and terrifying.
Because you just do not fit. And suddenly you know that. And you have become a woman who doesn’t ignore her knowing. Who doesn’t pretend she doesn’t know. Because pretending makes you sick. And because you never promised yourself an easy life, but you did promise yourself a true one. You did promise – back when you were putting yourself back together – that you’d never betray you again.
And so one day you sit down with your beloved, wonderful, kind, brave, warrior husband and you look at him and you say: Honey. We have worked so hard, for so long. We have been warriors for each other and for our children and for this marriage. And yet. I don’t fit here anymore.
And your husband looks at you and, eventually through his tears, he says: Four years ago you gave me the most selfless love I’ve ever received. It healed me. And now I’m going to return that kind of love to you. The kind of love that only wants truth and wholeness and peace for each other.
For the next several weeks, you do nothing but cry and talk. Sometimes it feels like that’s all you ever do—because, it turns out, you have been grieving your marriage for years. But still, you cry and talk more. You close the bedroom door and sit on that bed and you talk. You talk about how hard you’ve worked together, how you stayed on your mats and didn’t run from each other. Since you didn’t run, you discovered together that fight or flight aren’t the only options. There is a third way: heal.
You talk about how broken you each were when you met, and how whole each of you is now. You say to him: You’ve been my healing partner. He says: And you have been mine. You talk about how you can forgive someone and love someone and at the very same time know that you cannot be with them anymore. You get more honest than you have ever, ever been before. You talk about how hard, how very brutal it’s all been for the two of you. Since day one. And you talk about how beautiful it’s been for the two of you. Since day one. There is a moment in every conversation when one of you says: My God, the kids – and neither of you can go on. That’s the black hole. Still is. I can’t write more about that right now. Someday. Not today.
You sit in a therapist’s waiting room to discuss how to handle this with as much peace as possible for the kids.
You sit with your children and you create a new family mission statement:
Then you help your soon-to-be-ex-husband-forever-life-partner move into a rented house a few doors down. You have family dinners, plan your family summer vacation together, and you look at each other and realize you’ve never loved each other more, bigger, truer.
And then you tell your team. You tell the people who are invested in your career. And hot damn, this is bad timing. There is fear and panic. Because you are about to launch the biggest project of your career, the book you finished a year ago, and so many have been working so hard for its release. And it’s all about your marriage. And the advice from many is: Wait, G. Just wait till after the book has launched to reveal this. This is a MARRIAGE book – you can’t break up before it even comes out! Glennon – it will affect sales. It will affect your career, your success.
And you will listen to this advice. And you will decide: No.
Like Mama T said: I was not called to be successful. I was called to be faithful.
I was called to be faithful to truth and vulnerability and to YOU. I never promised anybody I’d get it all right; I promised I’d keep showing up forever. Today. Whether I’m in the valley or on the mountaintop.
Please come close when I say this next part, it’s important: This next step is not a departure from the path of the Love Warrior. This next step is the fulfillment of it – for me, for my particular journey. Love Warrior is a book about self-trust. It’s a book about a woman who has painstakingly learned that there is a still, small voice guiding her through this brutiful life one next right thing at a time. And that the only thing she cannot do – not ever again – is betray that voice. Self-betrayal is allowing the fear voices to drown out the still, small voice that knows what to do and is always leading us home to ourselves and to truth and to love. Love is the boss of me, not fear, and certainly not “success.”
And by the way, success to me is not staying in a marriage — it’s staying in my own peace. At all costs. And so, even when it’s highly inconvenient – even when it feels CRAZY – I will listen to the voice, and I will obey it. And I will be messy and complicated – and I will show up anyway. Because I’ve fought too hard for my sobriety, sanity, integrity—and for your trust—to give it up now.
So I said to the team: We tell our people now.
And they said: Okay. Should we clear your schedule then? Revealing yourself in your writing about this is one thing, but do you want to be on stages with it? Won’t that feel too vulnerable?
And I thought about that for a while. Lord have mercy, cancelling the tour sounded good.
And I decided: No.
My family is here, now in two houses. But my family is also you.
I will not hide from you, not now. I will show up in your cities, in your churches and theaters and on stages and I will say: HERE I AM. A little busted up, but not destroyed. I will be at my weakest, but when we are weak, then we are strong. If I’m this weak, can you imagine how strong I’ll be? Damn.
Listen: Love is not a victory march. It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah. So I might be cold and I might be broken but I am still gonna scream HALLELUJAH all over this country. I am going to stand in front of you with my medicated little head held high and I am going to be so busted up and broken that the light is going to pour out of me like stained glass. I know this.
Here’s what else I know: Some loves are perennials—they survive the winter and bloom again. Other loves are annuals—beautiful and lush and full for a season and then back to the earth to die and create richer soil for new life to grow. The eventual result of both types of plants is New Life.
New life. Nothing wasted. No failure. Love never fails. Never, never. Love is messy and beautiful and brutal – and Love is the whole point. So, I am not afraid, I was born to do this.
I’m asking you, please love me through this. Be my people. The world will have opinions and I need this Love Warrior Army. Please stay close.
Sister On, my beloveds. We can do hard things. We belong to each other. And LOVE WINS.
G
P.S. Since I publicly announced the trauma in my marriage four years ago, I have become a soft place to land for women in marriage trauma. I have listened to what kind of responses from people are helpful and which are hurtful. So many of us want to say and do the loving and supportive thing, but we sometimes don’t know what that looks like. So, with humility, love (and a healthy dose of defensiveness on behalf of my heart and the hearts of my warrior sisters), I offer the following thoughts:
If I don’t mention something, it’s not because I forgot to. It’s because I desperately have to find the balance here between honesty and a tell-all. Between transparency and responsibility. What I owe you and what I owe myself. There will be parts of this story I (try to) keep for myself and Craig and the kids. If you can, please resist assumptions, gossip, or asking for details I haven’t provided. I can tell you this: I feel defensive of Craig here. No one could have worked harder. There is no better father or man on earth. Craig is a hero. He is a Love Warrior. I am fiercely proud of him.
Try to avoid lamenting how sad it is that people “throw away their marriages these days.” Try not to generalize. I have met hundreds of divorced women who didn’t throw their marriages away. Most of us fight like hell for our marriages until we realize that we can either save our marriages or save our souls. So please, I’m not looking for advice. Just love and support.
Please don’t pretend to know what God thinks of us. Please think deeply about the chasm-wide difference between leaving a man and leaving God. Please remember that when a woman leaves, she just brings God with her. Nothing separates a woman or a family from God’s love. Not death, and certainly not divorce. Jesus taught us that sometimes death is necessary for there to be new life. And that God loves us far more than any institution God made for us. When someone suggests otherwise, it brings shame to us. But we won’t let that in. We are women who have become far too wise to believe in shame.
Sometimes, when people make decisions about marriage, it evokes strong feelings in others. If my news does that to you today, please look inside and get curious about whether those feelings have more to do with you and your life than they do about me and mine.
I will repeat this last one: Please stay close. I need you more than I’ve ever needed you.
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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1,790 Comments
Hello! This is the first time I read your post. The Universe sends me to your blog at the perfect timing, as I am also going through a divorce. 2 weeks ago, my husband and I talked peacefully about moving on, and about making the whole process as peaceful as we can for our son. We love each other but we have grown so much to realise that we can be happier without the burden of trying to fix this 10-year marriage. After we made this decision together, we still decided to go ahead with our initial plan for family vacation and watching concert of our favourite singer. We still visit each other’s family for dinners and birthday celebrations. There are still a lot of things to get done, I’m glad to have found your blog to give me some strength to handle the voices and questions of friends and relatives.
G,
You can count on us. Some of us have been “with you” since the beginning of Momastry. We know your heart. And…we are here to love you right back through this book tour and beyond.
Soldier on, warrior.
Love wins.
Glennon,
I feel like I have nothing to offer you tonight… no words, really – certainly no wisdom. But I can offer you my gratitude for your honesty, your openness, your rawness, your faithfulness to all of us as sisters together. And I can offer you my heart. My heart is going out to you. My heart is holding you gently and securely. My heart is singing you a love-lullaby. My heart is sending you so so so much love. For you. For Craig. For you babies. For you.
We love you. Love wins. Hallelujah.
-Katie
Praying for your family as you walk this tough section of trail. And hoping someone pre-screens the comments for you.
I haven’t read your books yet but I love your posts and all the writers and healing people I admire adore you. So all I have to tell you is this.
Just that this is possible.
My ex and I who were together 19 years are no longer a couple. But we are still a family. At my daughter’s recital, he was with his new girlfriend and I was with my boyfriend. We all sat in the same section. We didn’t and don’t want my daughter to choose where to meet and greet or put her eyes on stage.
When he was sick and we thought it might be cancer, I said he could stay with us. It wasn’t and it would have been awkward when my boyfriend visited or his girlfriend – or not. Whatever. It was figure-out-able.
We are not the people we were when we met.
We grew each other up. We were family to each other.
And we were not meant to be lovers and partners for life.
There was mess and betrayal and a therapist to guide me in how to guide our daughter. And she’s really o.k. and we’re really o.k.
We’re better than we were before, individually, and our daughter is really o.k.
She has her father in a way she didn’t when we were married.
I have my own self in a way I didn’t when I was married.
My daughter has a different mother. A stronger one.
There is sadness and loss. To be sure. But it’s not all there is.
One last thing because it’s hilarious and it’s wonderful and it’s perfect and I hope it helps you.
Telling our daughter was gut-wrenching. We sat on the floor and she was in first grade. We said the thing we needed and knew to say.
“It’s not your fault. It has nothing to do with you.”
She said, serious as shit.
“Why would it be my fault?” as though that was the bat shit craziest thing she had ever heard.
She knew, in her soul, it was SO NOT HER FAULT.
It made us laugh our asses off.
Eventually.
Life is not a script. No one knows how the f’n plot goes.
I don’t know your story yet, the coming together, the pains, the loves or the coming apart. It doesn’t matter. I don’ t need to know that you are still a love warrior and thank fuck you DID NOT wait til your book deal was over and the promotion done.
What soul killing f’ery that would have been for you and everyone.
I can’t even imagine. So hang in there.
cissy
Love this. And love your daughter’s comment!
So honest. Those hard and beautiful moments in a life … and, yes, there is beauty in painful things … hard kernels of truth that are breathtaking in their honesty- their clear light.
Carry on, brave one -light bearer.
Thank you, you have touched me more than you know. I have read this over and over. I divorced my best friend after 24 years of marriage and you are the first person who could put words to how I feel. No one seems to understand why I still love him but can’t be married to him anymore. There was no cheating or fighting just simple growth. Thank you again for having so much courage!!
Me too.
You are so brave and so strong and a true inspiration! We have your back! Stay strong!
Glennon, all the love and light you need as you navigate this new life with your family. I’m sorry you are going through it. I thank you so much for staying honest with us, your readers! This post here has certainly caused me to examine my own path, and while it’s different from yours, I really appreciate you sharing your path and perspective with us. Thank you, and may you have as much peace as possible during this difficult time. And as other comments have said, this post only makes me want to read your book even more and I can’t wait until it shows up on my doorstep in a few weeks.
Thank you for transparency. I believe as you have said that loves wins. Glad to be a love warrior with you all.
Thank you for sharing- sending you love!
G-
All love and support to you. You can do hard things.
S
I am so grateful your light shines strong and true….please take all our love and gratitude and respect and admiration to continue to stand in your truth. xoxoxo
Hi G,
Thanks for being honest and vulnerable, knowing you would most likely receive some judgement and backlash. What you are saying and experiencing sounds very normal to me. My life history & marriage history followed a similar story. You faced a huge trauma in your marriage, you both worked incredibly hard to grow and change, and you did. Most people don’t even get that far. Coming from one former addict to another, bravo. Very well done, sister. Sharing this story of growth with other women can bring so much hope to their lives. It is amazing to experience this new person that you are, one that loves yourself and is committed to doing so. That kind of love changes you from the inside out. In light of that, it would make sense to me that you don’t feel like you fit anymore. You probably ACTUALLY don’t fit. You both are very different people than you were before. I felt very much the same with my husband after he dealt with his unhealthy behavior and I grew to a place of loving and standing for myself through our separation. And I stayed, not fitting and daily wondering what the hell the point of marriage was. It’s probably likely that a big reason I stayed was because, being a product of divorced parents, I was terrified about the effect on our kids. For whatever reason though, I did. That was several years ago. My understanding of marriage now is that neither of you are never the same people you marry. Especially if there is significant trauma or unhealthiness that needs to get worked through. It’s an ongoing process of getting to know these new people and getting to decide to love them. The joy, abundant life, personal growth, unconditional love and fulfillment that comes out of that is like nothing you will ever experience. I know you aren’t asking my advice, but if you were, I would tell you to wait. Don’t get divorced yet. You’re still in the middle of the story. You don’t know who you will be in 5 years or who your husband will be in 5 years. A wise woman once shared with me “One thing you can be certain of is change.”
AND FOR OTHER WOMEN READING THIS POST & COMMENTS WHO ARE FINDING THEMSELVES IN A SIMILAR PLACE IN THEIR MARRIAGE: please hear this and know that there is great hope in being in this place of not fitting. It’s hard, but there is SO much life on the other side of choosing to stay. Blessings to you all.
Natasha – THANK YOU so much for sharing this! I am in the ‘not fitting’ part of my marriage, but I have chosen to stay and see because like you said, the only thing I can be certain of is change. And I try to keep in mind that neither of us is the same person we were at 3PM in the church on that Saturday afternoon so many years ago when we said “I do.” I do truly love my husband, and I really believe there is no better man for me, I am just having a hard time figuring out how to FIT as I have definitely changed/am going through change. He is so patient and understanding, and some days I think it would be easier for him if I left, as hard as that would be, but he’s still with me and encouraging me as I figure it out, and he’s figuring it out, too – so I have faith. It is HARD, though, and I am so happy to read what you wrote – thank you thank you thank you for sharing it and giving me hope. I needed to see it and hear it from someone who has been there.
Thank you.
I have been struggling with your post since you put it up because of what it might mean for me and my marriage. I feel that in the last six months I have very much been becoming who God has made me to be. The loved, vulnerable, honest, authentic person I am – the whole person. And I think I may not fit with my husband anymore. But he isn’t whole yet. He is still fracturing and it will be a while before he comes apart and is able to put himself back together in a new way. And I am struggling with what to do about that. If I leave because I don’t fit, he will be very hurt. If I stay, maybe I can be his healing partner. I am not sure what to do, but I am starting to think that maybe there is something to staying and helping him heal. Not because I have to, not because society or the church expects me to, but because I choose to. And then, when he is whole again, and realizes that we don’t fit, it will be easier for us. I very much wish he was in the place that Craig is, but everyone walks their own path, I guess. I wish I was as brave as you and had the relationship with my husband that you have with yours – thank you for sharing your bravery with us.
Hang in there mama!! Sometimes it takes time!! And you ARE so brave.
Thank you for this.
This makes me so very sad. I’m sad to hear the spin you are putting on divorce. We cannot walk away from marriage when we change, when it doesn’t exactly and perfectly fit for us anymore. Marriage is not designed to fulfill our every need. We can’t “put ourselves back together” that does not work. We need the holy spirt, we need Jesus and this is what it looks like when we try to make it work without him. I know what you are saying has wide appeal, feels good, sounds good, maybe even makes sense. But, know it’s a lie, it’s how families fall apart and there are consequences. We can’t “stay in our own peace” …we need God in our marriages, we need God to find peace.
Please don’t feel judged, I’m not judging you I’m pointing out the lie that you are selling, mostly to yourself.
JC got to hand it to you I think your spot on, the world sells self stuff there is self peace, self happiness from within,self gratitude, self love…selfies etc etc flip there is so much SELF sold out there now no wonder women have resorted to botox, boob enhancements and divorce parties we are all so bloomin self focused it equates to a whole lot of selfish! thats the incredible message of Christ that its not about being true to yourself so much as God revealing himself through us and IN us! when we truely feel this very whole and complete unconditional love, then something so beautiful releases in us which transforms our hearts and minds. What once seemed impossible can become very possible again and more importantly experiencing the fathers love for us indeed IN us explodes a whole host of possiblities beyond comprehension. God heals, God brings Hope, God is Love and God Restores. God sees beauty in All things…This is the truth that I meditate on now and constantly have to realign to. In this ‘SELF No 1’society where we are hammered to put yourself first its sooooo sooo hard to find God’s love in that and its so NOT gratifying when you buy into any of it.
Thanks JC for prompting some important lessons in me that needed to come to light..
FJ- thank you for seeing what I’m trying to say. I have not room to judge anyone and that is not what I’m trying to do here. I’m just saying this is not “truth.” This does not foot with the Bible.
JC – You doth protest too much. Sounds to me like you need to re-read the end of her PS. And then do a little soul-searching yourself.
Well put, JC. Lies, no matter how pleasant they may sound, must be opposed and exposed.
With all due respect, but it’s thru God and her relationship with God, that has allowed her to see her truth. Sometimes love is about finding one’s truth, with God, and the truth is to do what Glennon is doing. With God she has peace, and love, and because of that relationship she is being authentic. You can’t know what her relationship with God is, nor can you judge it (which is what you are doing), you can only know what’s in your heart and your relationship with God. Not someone else’s.
Please re-read her postscript. I just read your comment and although I don’t know you, I really read a great amount of judgement in your comment. Please re-consider if your comments are truly helpful or rather judging because I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be hurtful, but upon reflection you might see how they could be.
Oh friend, I’m sorry you see that in my comment. I am a sinner saved by grace and do not have my hand on a stone. I simply see this blogger marketing lies and I feel compelled to point out that this is not what God wants for us. What she shares in not “truth.”
JC
Glennons just told us her truth.
You claim to know Gods truth better then her.
Better than most of us I guess?
Your belief/church seems to be “anti-divorce”.
That is YOUR belief, your thruth.
Please don’t try to apply the rules and restrictions of your personal beliefs unto other people.
Love and light
This is exactly what she asked not to be thrown at her. I say this in all love. We are not judge or jury. That is God’s job, and as G said, nothing can separate us from the love of God. God has given us freedom and grace. We are to show the same.
For you and FJ
It always amazes me when people think “God”, whatever you feel he is – it’s different for each person – can “fix” everything. “He” is a handy totem to throw into situations where you don’t want to take responsibility and look closely like Glennon has. If you still feel the need to hide behind God and Jesus, then read Matthew 7:1-3 KJV – Judge not, that ye be not judged.
You say that you are not judging but your comments are incredibly judgmental. This is exactly the kind of attitude that is dangerous and uncaring, thinking that you have all the answers and that you can judge other people based on your own beliefs. I think you need to take a deep look at yourself and what it really means to be open and loving.
JC. Excellent. Well said.
What about if one spouse denounces God and becomes atheist during a marriage? What If a spouse if abusive? How can you force them to find God or to stop abusing? How is that ok to raise kids in an environment where they are told by one parent not to believe in God? And when one parent verbally abuses the other on a daily basis? How can God help?!
100% agree! If you decide to separate from your spouse, that is one thing. Call it what it is. But don’t call it peace and truth and try to pass it off as something God actually wanted and blesses and is smiling about! As well, don’t influence your millions of readers to think this is a personal victory for you, or for your family, or for other people in tough marriages! Brokenness – in any form, including a family – saddens God. It is not His end goal. So, mourn your loss and seek support, but don’t call it truth and peace. If it was truth and peace, it wouldn’t be so messed up.
Thank you JC for this.
Dear beautiful Glennon, as I read this I am just sighing with relief. I’m so damn proud of you all… of us all. Six months ago I told the truth and chose myself over ‘us’ and moved out of a relationship with my healing partner. The one I got sober for. The one who supported me and who I supported. The one I hurt and was hurt by and healed and was healed by. And it was the beginning of Everything. I love you. I’m sending you all my love. It IS possible to separate in Love, I experienced the miracle of this and I know you are too. Thank you for all you are and all you are becoming. I’ll be at She Recovers NY next May and I hope I get to hug you xxxx
This must have been so difficult to write and share. You were so honest and thoughtful and I could feel your emotion coming off the page. Thank you for sharing. Sending you love and hugs.
Bold authentic woman.
I’m taking this with me tonight: “And that the only thing she cannot do – not ever again – is betray that voice. Self-betrayal is allowing the fear voices to drown out the still, small voice that knows what to do and is always leading us home to ourselves and to truth and to love. Love is the boss of me, not fear.” Thank you for this.
Oh my. I have nothing eloquent to say except that my heart is wrapping you with all the love and strength it can. You amaze me with who you are, with your words, with your should. We are so with you.
We are here for you, G, more fiercely and strongly and brutifully than ever before. You are truly the warrior that walks the walk and talks the talk. You inspire me everyday to follow my heart, to be true to myself and to believe with all my might that love wins. It does. Even in there circumstances. You are so strong. Thank you for sharing this with us. Thank you for trusting us and for showing us how to do the next right thing. Love and hugs to you!!!! Xoxo see you in Altanta in October!
Glennon,
Your words speak directly to me, almost you are me…I swear! I am going through a really rough period and have for several years in my marriage and I feel like I’m at the place where I need to walk away….and yet I don’t have the will power to do so. We have drifted so far away from each other. But I’m scared! I want to move back closer to family but I don’t want to separate the children from their father. I’m afraid that if I stay here in upstate NY that I’ll be even more unhappy after we split. I’m scared and unsure of where to go….
Sarah, for some reason, this message spoke to me.
I found myself in a very expensive city, one that was eating me and my husband alive, but I was where you are: I needed to walk away. Our marriage had SO deteriorated that it wasn’t healthy anymore for anyone. I needed my kids to see me healthy and well and happy and not depressed and drowning.
A little island called to me . . . .I decided to move there for a year to try it out. I called it a Sabbatical. A time to get my head clear (living in constant conflict is draining, disorienting.)
I went, I took my daughters with me.
We have a whole new life now.
Their dad moved closer to us, after 2 years of resisting, claiming his job was keeping him there, etc…
What I realized was: if I was dying of cancer, I’d have to go away to a hospital, etc..Why not go away to a life that works?
I feel like I stepped right into an old archetypal tale, where the ground rose up to meet me, ravens fed me.
What I know is: something guides us. What I know is: ask for what you need, and you’ll find it.
Sending support and love for your journey, however it takes shape.
I’m sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation.
When you know, know with your whole being what you have to do, you will still be scared but you will find the strengh to do it.
We are right here
Holding space for you and sending love and light
Thank you- this was so brave and honest and loving.
Sometimes, when you are broken and put yourself back together again- you DO realize that the pieces just don’t fit in the same way.
I will always love my ex- she is an amazing woman- and parent to our beautiful 10 year old- and a remarkable person in general. AND what broke us up was not all of that- but the realization that the pieces didn’t fit anymore- and we wanted to teach our daughter about love and not “surviving-because-that’s-what-we-should-do-for-the-children.” We split up because of love- not the lack of it.
It was wrenching. And still is. For all of us. But we are better- and stronger- and more whole apart than we were together.
So thank you. Love your words. Warrior on. I’ll see you in Denver.
Ah. Amid the muck and mire, the grieving and the confusion, there will be clarity. Motives to stay to kelp the family together is pretense. The alternative is still too painful to address. But I can see the day coming now, with hope and love and resilience. Love is love and never ends but I like how you describe that our shape changes and we don’t fit anymore. Grieving for the past and for the future that will not be as planned. Thank you for sharing your truth and your strength and may that return to you 10 fold. God be with you and have mercy on you and your family.
You are brave and while I don’t know you, I am extremely proud of you. Your children are lucky to have you as parents.
You are so loved.
All I can say is that I am sending you love, and that this blog post was exactly, completely, profoundly, amazingly, insanely the very precise, spot on, hit the nail on the head, God thing that I needed to stumble upon and read TONIGHT. Exactly the right words at exactly the right time. Awed and amazed at how your honest open heart is fully used by the Universe to spread the love and healing. Thank you is so inadequate but nevertheless, THANK YOU.
Peace and all blessings,
Hilary
Dearest Glennon,
I’ve not read any other comments because I don’t think I can politely handle anyone who says some of the things you mentioned in your postscript, & since we belong to each other & I know myself, I decided to stay away. This is clearly a difficult decision for you & Craig & your family and if I were sitting on the couch with you, I’d cry with you and I’d tell you that I still love you. I’d tell you how effing brave you are & how much I admire that. I’d offer you hugs if you wanted them. But most of all, I’d just tell you over and over again how loved you are because I could see where opening up about something like this could occasionally put that into question within those little voices of doubt we all have.
I’d tell Craig the same thing, because I imagine he’ll doubt that, too. And I’d tell you to tell your kiddos that they are beautiful & full of love & that they are loved, too. Tell them that I can’t imagine how difficult & scary this might be but how proud I am of them for how brave they are. I’d tell you all that I love your family mission statement (and maybe we need to work on one of those at my house) & I wish you all the luck in the world.
You’re beautiful in your vulnerability, Glennon. Thank you for trusting us enough. I actually almost cried when my beloved told me. (It was the day after my birthday & she didn’t want me to run into it without warning because she’s amazing and wonderful and kind like that.) My heart broke for all of you and I just wanted to give you all hugs and teddy bears (they might not fix everything but they can help). I also imagined that if I felt that way just how many more feels all of you were having. I sat with the news until I knew what to say and so here I am. You are all loved, Meltons. All of you.
Wishing you love and joy,
Brekke
Just love.
Amazing writing in such a hard time.
Dear G,
I’ve so admired your words, your faith and your complete courage. Your thoughts have taught me to have a softer heart and a lighter soul.
So many blessings to you and yours and love sent out. You’re not alone. You are loved and you’re a good egg. Craig sounds like a good egg.
We’ve got you.
Glennon –
I am so sorry that you and your family are feeling the struggle of growth and healing right now. It hurts, even when it is for our good.
And at the same time, thank you for showing me how to walk boldly in vulnerability.
I am your people. I got you.
I’m in the middle of Love Warrior, and while this announcement breaks my heart a little bit, if I’m being honest your book has broken it over and over again. But you know better than everything that you can not only survive a broken heart, but be made stronger from it. Besides, it’s not about me and my heart. This is about you and yours.
I appreciate your continued truthiness and love, and I will continue to love you for who you are. You are in my prayers. I hope this tour is AMAZING for you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I, too am divorced, and several of the things you wrote resonated deeply with me, and gave voice to thoughts and feelings I have had. It’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone. I hope you feel, not just know, but really feel that you are not alone. Your choice to be brave and to speak your truth showed me a different way of being in the world. When I felt broken and ashamed and alone, you were one of the people that I could look to and see that I could make a different choice. Thank you for continuing to show up, even when it’s not convenient and when it’s scary.
I admire your honesty and openness.. It is something all of us women need more than anything right now, to see each other for what we are and to offer support
or even just a smile.
Carry on warrior. <3
Thank you for this beautiful, brave, wise, gut-wrenchingly honest and incredibly loving post. You are one of my heroines! Keep on living and loving, dear warrior – your fellow love warriors are here surrounding you and holding you up.
Thank you for this. For your story. For your honesty.
Dear Glen.
This is the most important text I have ever read. I live in Denmark, have never heard of your work before and suddenly one early morning I look at my phone and this letter came up. This topic is the greatest of my life. My mom stayed with a husband that cheated on her and they decided to stay together. But I never had the feeling that they came through the pain and suffering in it, they just closed it up. My mom have ever since been bitter on love and affection! It have had an massive effect on me and my siblings. She does not like comfort, she does not share herself really, she does not take propper care of her own emotions and she does not give space for comfort and love to come to her.
I always felt like my love for her and what I wanted to share with her, would just “bouncing of” her. She never encouraged me to get into a relationship and would talk down to romantic ideas and feelings.
I always wanted to flee. Away from al that suffering and deep rooted sorrow that would never see the light. I wanted to change the situation, I wanted to be brave and change who I am. Because I loved myself, and sometimes change within you is the most natural way of changing what you are in. It felt like a disastrous situation if I stayed. But she did not wanted to move along with me… not emotionally, not mentally. We could have stayed in the family and changed the situation, but she never managed to. I am still not sure why she did not wanted to walk through the change. It is still a mystery to me. All that I know is that she must have had a backpack too big to carry on her own. She could not carry it alone… So I stayed as I was, and where I was. In a cage of “never changing”. At least on the outside. So I never got in my natural flow of “ever changing”, before I turned almost 28.
So what you wrote, is exactly what she nerver did. You were brave enough to love and to be true, with respect and warmth for all parts in it. And you let go, if it feels true in your heart, no matter what other people tells you. I love that – it is exactly what I need! No one have ever shared the story of this “door” before.
I cannot wait to read your book on this topic.
Thank you sincerely and deeply,
Sigrid
Hugs and love to you Sigrid on your journey of self discovery
Thank you for sitting me down and handing me the tea. We also needed kleenex, right?
You are brave and honest and true and that is what matters.
The page you wrote with and for your family is precious. Every family should have such a list.
I hear you.
I am with you on this journey.
My love to you, and Craig and your children. You are all amazing to share this journey with us.
I cannot wait to finally meet you face to face. You are so brave. I’m so grateful for your voice in the world.
This touched me in more ways you will ever know. You don’t know me, but I need you to know how very much I admire your strength. Carry on darling…..carry on.
Much love……Deana Marie
i sat at my dining table the day i read your post and just cried. because of what i wrote below when i reposted on my page. for me? the hardest audience are the church people. i know they are well meaning when they say “but you can’t divorce; you can’t SEEK the divorce; etc” i was not the one brave enough to say this is not working. it was my husband who said it. and honestly? have never felt more respect for him. my fave parts of your post? “you have been my healing partner” “how broken we were when we met” “been grieving my marriage for years” and really, every single piece of it. you put words to everything i am experiencing, as i said below. one of my girlfriends and i right now are talking/dreaming about how we can turn this experience into some kind of small group healing in our community for sisters (and maybe brothers?) to be able to see the beauty of the broken path leading into the next adventure of life? my fave scripture: Isaiah 30:20&21 – “Though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more. With your own eyes you will see them. Whether you step to the left or right, you will hear a voice behind you saying, this is the way, walk in it.” i am walking today …. i am grateful for every piece, the good the bad and the ugly …. and in the end? they’re not good or bad or ugly – they are all my teachers. love you glennon doyle melton …. we need so many truth tellers in this life cause it’s the only way to live free.
I love this post. I love it because this is truth for me. Right now. Almost verbatim. The conversations we’ve had, the friendship we share …. it’s been the absolute craziest, hardest, most insane journey …. but i have found peace, and true, deep joy …. joy that doesn’t go away because things are difficult. it’s there even with tears streaming down my face. because i finally do know Whose i am. and nothing can ever change that. i hope if you are a friend of mine, that you will take time to read this. this is not ever what i thought i would be facing. but this is what i am living. i love you guys.
Thank you for letting me witness your courage. It gives me hope and inspires me to be just as courageous.
So much love for you Glennon and I just happened upon this post through Elizabeth Gilbert. I’m looking forward to a new, truer you and me! Honestly I am going through something so similar! I was meant to find you here! Know that I hear you and I see your heart light, keep shining warrior sister! You are brave and true, follow your intuition, because what’s best for your babies and for all of us is for you to live in your truth and not pretend and lie to their faces. Thank you so much for letting me into your heart; move forward sister and receive love!
If you love each other so, could you be strong and brave and stay together in friendship so the kids have just one home, and in-home access to bother parents? Wedding vows are for the protection of the children and a bridge for when things are tough. Wish you the best.
I meant *BOTH* parents. Sorry, that was weird.
Lindsay, I know that you mean well, however I am sure that she and Craig have discussed things at length and have decided what is best for their family. It feels a tad judgmental to ask this of her. I don’t think you meant it that way but that is how it comes across. Glennon was very clear in that she is just asking for love, prayers and support through this…not suggestions, thoughts or opinions. Every marriage is different. I do not for one minute think that she and Craig have not made every possible effort to make their marriage work. The world needs her voice. Our country needs her voice. I need her voice. Sending prayers and love to you and your family Glennon.
I agree. Unless there is abuse or dangerous behavior in the home, divorce is hard on children. And children, who need both parents, should come first.
Thank you. May you enjoy the strength and the weakness in the surrender to that which is your 6th sense. This life is not for sissys, nor the faint of heart. I send you love, clarity and lots of deep support.
You have held and brought the light for so many of us for so long: we are honored to hold the light for you now. Thank you for you honesty and your unwavering commitment to your still, small voice – it makes countless people better and braver and kinder and truer….including me. My friends and I are driving from STL to Chicago to hear you in October because you are WONDERFUL. You have given all of us the gift of sharing our broken and beautiful stained glass light together and it is messy and brutiful and glorious. We Warriors still love you the most, and guess what? NO MATTER WHAT, Love Still Wins. You can do this and are doing it with grace. We’ve got you and you’ve got you and that is truly lovely. <3
Thank you for your words. My wife sent me the link to your post this morning, and my heart broke as I read it. She has traveled a very similar path over the past few years and has used many of the same metaphors and phrases to describe to me what it’s been like to be broken into a million pieces and reassembled into something different that no longer fits into this marriage. While that there is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t give for her to stay, your words have helped me understand a little bit more about what she’s going through and why she feels like she must leave. So once again, thank you for your honesty and openness. I will be praying that God will guide you and Craig and give you wisdom and hope in your new lives.
This may be the most beautiful and courageous piece of writing i have ever read. Big love to you, may your journey be cushioned with gentleness towards yourself.
Thank you for being brave. And for showing others how by going first.
That is courage and that is honesty. Warrior On!
I live you G..for your honesty and for keeping some things sacred and private. We are your tribe. We are here. Warrior on G.
Huge Huge Hugs
I love that someone quoted “I’ll Stand By You”. Because yes- that us what we should do. Thank you for sharing. I generally announce, “Amazeballs!!!!” (Because I work at a high school and talk to 15 year olds all day), but I was not sure if I could use it as a noun as in, “You are amazeballs!!!” Whatever the proper grammar- that was my exclamation because I so appreciate you listening to that little voice and staying true and honest – even if your publishing team was freaking!!!
Thank you!
Erin
Thank you.
I am a little over a month from leaving my marriage. It has been painful and hard for years. I finally somehow was able to leave. Because, as you said so poignantly in your post, “I have worked to hard for my sobriety, sanity, and integrity…to give it up now.”
I’ve followed your words for a long time (remember when you were a blogspotter? I do.). I’ve never felt closer to you than this post, this very minute. Thank you.
This is one of the bravest, most true posts I have ever read about fully committing to being the ever-expanding, true-to-yourself version of who you really are.
Thank you Glennon for sharing your journey with us and giving all of us such an amazing example of being real.
This is one spoiler-alert that actually makes me want to read your book more. A journey that leads to the strength to risk more than a year of your team’s time and focus, just to stay true to your values and purpose, that is the most important story to read of all.
I celebrate your family’s growth and the example you have given all of us and your children. I know none of this makes the experience of it any easier, it will still be raw. Know that my thoughts, love and prayers, and those of many of your sisters, will be with you and supporting you in this transition and herculean effort you will be taking to share your unfolding journey on stages. You are a shining example of doing the right thing even when it is incredibly hard.
Thank you for honouring us with the story of your real life. Not the glossy, photo shopped, perfect marketing angle image that would have been so easy to sell yet so soul-crushing to deliver.
I have shared part of your healing journey years ago. When I read stories like yours, it gives me strength to continue, pride to be on the journey, and security in the knowledge that more people are choosing to be real for the sake of themselves.
In my book, bravery lies in sticking it out, not quitting when the going gets tough.
When you two got married you vowed before men, women old and young, and you even invited God the Almighty to witness your vows. You said in sickness and in health; for poorer and for richer…..
Now, you are saying those vows meant exactly….nothing…zilch.
Don’t people keep their words anymore?
I am not impressed. Sorry.
Good thing nobody cares about impressing you.
Its me is right. Shame on everyone saying our author is brave or heroic
I have no shame, only love and SUPPORT for Glennon and her family.
Judge not lest ye be judged. The only people who should be ashamed of themselves are the ones trying to kick a sister when she’s down. Shame on you.
Can I ask you an honest question? If a friend came to you, heart in her hand, and told you she was struggling and hurting and needed your love and support, would you respond this way? Would you tell her you’re not impressed with her decision, even if you truly didn’t agree with it? Please don’t think that because you say something behind the veil of a computer screen that it’s not hurtful to the person receiving it.
I am sad for you.
How is the air up there on that pedestal?
My comment was in response to the person who said they were not impressed by G giving up on her vows.
Thank you for your beautiful honesty, G! Sending you love, light and tremendous support!
Get back to us when you’ve suffered through infidelity. Until then, you have absolutely no basis to judge. None.
Anyone who would respond this way to Glennon after her heart wrenching, honest and incredible post should NEVER get back to us. I am stunned that there are really people out there like this. Just so disappointing. Glennon, you amaze me and your strength and honesty will help so many other people. I always tell my kids “use your power for good” and that is exactly what you do so THANK YOU!.
I agree. Hateful people have no love in their hearts. What terrible examples to their children!
For my families safety and sanity, I cut off the sick people who raised me after abuse for 45 years. My family is all the better for it. We have no desire to see them or speak to them again. Ever.
I’m glad that Glennon and Craig are dealing with this in such a mature way for the sake of the kids. They should be immensely proud. I am sure they will continue to parent their children in the most loving, healthy way. They are taking a heartbreaking thing and I know they will all heal together–even I if it means divorce. Remember, things don’t have to be either/or. They can be BOTH/AND.
still praying Glennon, my sister.
Dear ItsMe,
Not sure that Glennon’s post was intended to impress you, but it very obviously touched something in you. I’m trying really hard to not judge you as you judged her, because neither of us has the right to judge another without knowing their struggle. So I’m gonna pray that however you have been hurt (and this post triggered) is healed so that you can recognize another who is healing. We’re all in this together. None of us is perfect and we don’t help each other when we point out in our sisters what we would choose differently. But we all do it, cause we’re human. We don’t live to impress others or to be judged right or wrong. So, I’ll close by honestly saying that I have judged you as you’ve judged Glennon and I’m sorry that I’ve done that. Sometimes my worst judgements of others are when I see the same behaviors in myself.
You are a saint… Wish I could talk this gentle when seeing a comment like this one ! By YOU I’m impressed !
People like ItsMe are just looking for attention. Better to just ignore them and let them stew in their negativity all by themselves.
G-
You are amazing! So very strong! Praying you and your family find peace.
Love Wins!
Glennon,
I have spoken to you twice by chance. The first time I was extremely emotional and cried when you hugged me in our local library. The second time we ran into one another at a local smoothie place that offered free ones for those who wore flip flops. Thankfully, I was more calm this time and was just so happy to see you and the kids while I was out with my son. I feel very blessed to have met you twice but after reading this I feel I need to give you a big hug. You give great hugs and deserve a big one back. Thank you so much for your brutiful honest post of what is going on in your life. You are an inspiration to so many including me!
Sending prayers and hugs to you and your family,
Denise
My beloved Glennon and family,
I am here by you, always. I love you all fiercely and take you at your word. I’m not going anywhere–I only wish I could be there in person to offer comfort, a warm embrace, a shoulder to cry on.
My heart hurts and I sobbed reading this because I know you are all hurting. I wish I could just hold you so you could feel the love I have for you.
I can never presume to know how you are feeling, but what you said made so much sense. You will all be in my prayers for whatever you need to go through this time. God knows what you need, so I put my prayers into His hands to do as He sees necessary.
One of my favorite songs, I would sing to you:
I’ll Stand By You
Pretenders
Oh, why you look so sad, the tears are in your eyes,
Come on and come to me now, and don’t be ashamed to cry,
Let me see you through, ’cause I’ve seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you, you don’t know what to do,
Nothing you confess could make me love you less,
I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you
So if you’re mad, get mad, don’t hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
Hey there, what you got to hide?
I get angry too, well, I’m alive like you.
When you’re standing at the cross roads,
And don’t know which path to choose,
Let me come along, ’cause even if you’re wrong
I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you.
Baby, even to your darkest hour, and I’ll never desert you,
I’ll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
You’re feeling all a lone, you’re wandering on your own,
I’ll stand by you.
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,
And I’ll never desert you,
I’ll stand by you,
I’ll stand by you.
I’ll stand by you, won’t let nobody hurt you,
I’ll stand by you, baby even to your darkest hour,
And I’ll never desert you
I’ll stand by you
Love always, your sister in this world,
Krista
G – you have held the light for me time and again, been my soul sister without knowing my name, encouraged me and enlightened me. It is my honor to be a witness and hold the light for you sister-warrior-badass
This feels like a punch in the gut, but that just shows how much your writing has made an impact on me, and so many others. Your honestly is like nothing I’ve ever read. Thank you. Praying for you and your marriage. We just never know how our story will end. Sending love.
A friend just forwarded this to me. I am in the same season of life right now. I am a Christian with 3 beautiful kids. I can completely relate to what you have shared. I’ve come to believe that no one can ever understand another’s walk completely, therefore none of us should judge each other. I have been so thankful for the merciful and loving people in my life. The careless, judgemental comments of others have been so painful, especially when implying that I don’t care enough about my kids or my faith. I’ve been abandoned by a number of Christian sisters, but have been adopted by many more new Christian sisters. I too believe that those careless comments come from a place of fear and issues within that other person’s heart. I will not view other people’s situations carelessly after having endured this past year. My heart is full of much more mercy for others than it has ever been. But, I still have a lot to learn! Many thanks to those out there who can walk alongside those of us going through such a difficult transition. Being real, honest, and raw takes courage. Thank you for stepping up and giving heartfelt words to such a difficult situation. God bless you and all of you out there who are relating right now. Love and light…
I admire your commitment to family and your willingness to share. No judgement here. Wrapping you and your family in prayers.
Dearest Glennon,
You haven’t been in my kitchen, but you clear have beenwhere my soul is, wrestling with marriage, love, family, fidelity, faithfulness to ourselves, and how even though love always wins, that doesn’t settle every discussion. My love to you, your peeps, and your future. Your words remind me that while I want to give love my children, my partner, and the universe, I’ve got to love me, too. Peace, joy, and strength to you! -Molly
Thank you, Glennon, for your bravery and honesty. I never have doubted that my divorce was the right decision but I struggle with the “failure” regardless. There are days when that pain surfaces regardless of how hard my ex-husband and I work to co-parent and give our children the best love and support that we can. Sending you love, strength and peace.
Glennon,
How have a managed to not know who you are and to not have read anything by you for so long??? I am singing the praises of certain FB friends today for sharing your most recent article/blog entry. Thank you. Thank you, Glennon, for such beauty, such honesty, such tenderness around such a difficult subject. I embrace you and all of the Love Warriors.
Glennon, I just bought tickets to see you in Colorado and I simply cannot wait. The day before you posted this, friends announced to us that they were separating and getting a divorce. The next day, the wife said, the hardest part was the overwhelming sense that they failed. I sent her this post and your words about love never failing and I think they were the just right words for her heart. In your strength and in your weakness you minister to so many hearts. You ministered to mine by helping me know what to say, and hers as well. Carry on, Warrior.
Wow, I’m nothing but inspired by your honesty. I admire your courage. All the best to you and your family. And I will definitely be looking for your book titled Marriage. Lots of love <3
G,
One of your male readers, here. I bought Carry On, Warrior on a whim before a month of travels around the globe in 2015. More than anything I saw or experienced during that month, your book rang loudly and clear with the most truth and meaning. I’ve come to treasure you and your integrity. Know that despite never having met, I care about you like a sister and will be keeping you in prayers. Thanks for showing me what courage is.
Thinking of you and your family and wishing you well through this challenging time.
This is the first time I have stumbled across you and your writing, and may I say, I have never been so blown away. By your strength, truth, and REAL-ness. How refreshing.
And damn, will I be reading your book and will believe in it all the more given what I have just read here!
Good luck to you on your tour, I’m sure it will be hard but probably very rewarding. And tiring. Book yourself a holiday after!
All the best, your new friend,
Claire
Glennon, I don’t know you. I haven’t read your books. I have followed this blog for a very, very long time. Brutiful was a word you created that helped me make sense of some tough stuff over the years. This post is Brutiful. What you are going through now is Brutiful. You, Glennon, and your family (in whatever form it takes) are Brutiful. Carry on Warrior. Holding you in thoughts and prayers and lighting candles for you all as you heal and continue to do life together apart.
Sending love and hugs to all of you as you all navigate your way through to your new “normal”. Thanks for trusting us with your story, your heart and your truth.
Promising I’ll stay close should you need anything!
Excuse me but I have never heard of you before and YOU ROCK! I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything as real as that post. You know God woman!! I’m buying that book! Please continue rocking your authentically real ass.
G, firstly, I’m so sorry for your heartache. Thank you trusting us with this news & know that we’re all holding space for you and Craig right now.
Your words, your honesty, humor & compassion have helped see me through new motherhood, a 3 year battle with cancer, and my current marital separation. I’m a kinder, more thoughtful, more liberal (ha!) and better person because of your perspectives. Thank you. I can’t wait to hug you in long beach in Oct!
Hang in there. Love – jen
Right here next to you, on your virtual couch. The analogy of the butterfly and the cocoon, the snake and the skin- so perfect. Growth is a beautiful thing- but can be painful too. You are one of my compasses, G. You remind me that there is a direction all of this is headed- and it’s toward self-worth, self-value, self-honesty, self-compassion. Enlightenment? You live this example and it’s why so many women follow you. And love you.
Thank you for sharing and for being true to you. I can’t wait for my two copies of the book to arrive! One for me, one for someone who needs it. And we’ll see you in Charleston, SC. (((((HUG))))))))
All the love, Glennon – to you and your family.
I’m so grateful for your modeling of integrity.
Peace and love
Anne
G… on the same day you made this announcement (but before reading about it) I called off my engagement… I believe my fiance never wanted to get married, but it sure would have been more kind not to have asked, than to have had a mental breakdown a month before the ceremony. I cried reading your words yesterday because I was feeling sorry for myself, but also a little bit comforted that other people are in painful situations too and I look forward to your inspirational words going forward. See you in Denver in October.
Sending you love warrior-sister Jess. I did marry the man who proposed but never really wanted to marry me. It was heartbreaking to go through the entire wedding and then spend two more years with him. I’m proud of you for having the strength to carry on, where I was too weak to speak up or say anything.
Thank you Sacha. Truly sending love back at you.
Thank you so much for this post – I am 10 years post affair/betrayal by my ex-husband and I can honestly say that I have forgiven him and love him more now than I ever have. This part sums it up best:
And this is what I learned: You can be shattered and then you can put yourself back together piece by piece.
But what can happen over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently. That you are whole, finally, and strong – but you are now a different shape, a different size. This sort of change — the change that occurs when you sit inside your own pain — it’s revolutionary. When you let yourself die, there is suddenly one day: new life. You are Different. New. And no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot fit into your old life anymore. You are like a snake trying to fit into old, dead skin, or a butterfly trying to crawl back into the cocoon, or new wine trying to pour itself back into an old wineskin. This new you is equal parts undeniable and terrifying.
I was looking for the words to described what I went through, and you have described it perfectly. He actually gave me a gift – the gift of figuring out and loving who I really am.
Thank you – you have made a difference in my life.
This blog post oozes integrity. You guys are on another level. Sending love and encouragement your way. <3
Dear Glennon,
Again and again you are inspiring and teach me with your humility and truthiness and courage. I wish you and your family all the happiness and comfort there is.
Thank you!
Laura
oh. did i say, “thank you.” xo
Sister G-
I love you! I cannot begin to imagine how hard it was to come to this decision.
Holding you, Craig, Tishy, Amanda, and Chase close as you navigate this next journey.
Light and Love!
Once again, you are a model for us to follow. Not because you are perfect, but because you are so very, really, truly human. Thank you for showing up for us, and by being human first — not a businesswoman or entertainer or speaker with some agenda that makes you less than your authentic self. Because you show us the struggle is worth it, and that we are worth it. Thank you!
You will never know how your honesty is so needed in this world. Tears in my eyes as I write this because my own parents of 42 years are currently going through a divorce and it is so damn hard- even though I’m just the daughter- it is hard to understand. I’m sending my mom your post because she needs to hear the truth- although sometimes painful and not fun- but you made me and I’m sure will make her feel not alone. You are not alone either- you brave, beautiful child of God!
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Glennon,
I do not know you and have only read a few of your postings through Liz Gilbert. You are a wise and strong woman.
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” LC
Sending warm thoughts your way.
Lee Anne
Thank you So much for sharing…i feel deeply inspired by your honesty, vulnerability and integrity and love …❤ I was reading your story with tears in my eyes…dear strong woman…it’s So good you’re here..thank you!
Hi there…I have to say that I’ve run into a blog post or two of your over the years, and have always admired you from a distance…however, this blog post really hit home for me though. I was sitting right where you were, just over 3 years ago. It’s a very hard road but I’d never trade it for anything – I’ve grown beyond words over these past several years – in fact I’ve grown into whole self 🙂 And by all accounts, I’m certain you will too 🙂 Much love, and take care!
These last 2 years, I’ve leaned on you for strength and encouragement. I even sent you a letter that you prolly never received. Maybe it’s because you weren’t supposed to see it until now. Until this moment of your life when you’re the one needing encouragement. I do hope you find it. Gods timing is always right, and in the strangest of ways, for me, for you, it’s actually Now. Love does win because God Is Love. Your victory is in HIM. Keep dancin’, sister.
There’s a candle lit for you in Maryland. Shine on, Love Warrior, shine on. With Love and Light, Lora
Beautifully written… raw and vulnerable.
This of course tweaked emotions within me about some of my personal relationships but the statement I love most that you made is…
“…and I am going to be so busted up and broken that the light is going to pour out of me like stained glass. I know this.”
You will shine like the most beautiful piece of stained glass, as will others who are able to stand in their truth, as will I.
Blessings to you as you sort out what moving forward will look like and my deepest gratitude to you for having the courage to stand in your own truth.
Shine brightly sister!
All I can say is thank you.
Dear Glennon
From the bottom of my heart I send you love and compassion for your loss. You are a brave woman to confront your new self and choose for her regardless of any consequenses.
Glennon…
Your courage is inspiring and encouraging. Look up the term “wabi-sabi”…the concept that “imperfection is beauty.”
In Donald Miller’s Storyline blog, Mike Foster writes about wabi-sabi in a post titled, “What to Remember When Your Life Plan Gets Derailed. He references in 2 Corinthians 4:6-7…”where it says that we are like fragile clay pots that contains a light that shines from our hearts. We crack. We have scars and flaws. But that’s the point. We’re supposed to chip sometimes because those holes are the spaces where God’s light shines through.”
Also, look up kintsukuroi…when clay pots break and gold is used to fill in the missing spaces…it’s a beautiful visual…ironically (or not!) the “cracks” become the most beautiful and valuable parts. Go figure.
Amen, sister. Wabi-sabi…it’s so true. I’ve lived what your going through…divorce with 4 kids in my experience…it rocked my freaking world. But God’s redemptive hand has been undeniable and unbelievably good.
Warrior on. You are an unbelievable blessing to MANY! Your vulnerability and transparency is mind-blowing.
Thank you thank you!!!
Brooke
Brooke! You are my warrior hero! So proud of you. One day – You and Glennon will meet. But I get to be there too! -ash
I have to strongly disagree, even as I say I don’t live your life or make your choices, so no judgment. But I disagree wholeheartedly. As adults who have brought children into the world, we are obligated to fulfill our commitment to the marriage and family. (Of course, not if there is abuse of any kind going on!) But you have now turned your “trauma” into your children’s trauma. Having gone through this (not by my choice) and being a teacher, I have seen up close how extremely damaging this is to children. It wrecks their hearts. I see that your children are reacting in an understanding way and you all are signing a new ‘family’ contract. Children are concerned for us and want to help us. But do not be fooled – it’s destroying their hearts, faith, and trust. I am not saying this to be mean or judgmental; I am saying it out of true concern. I don’t even really want to say it because I know the world will judge me harshly for saying this and not going with the flow. But we are the adults in the situation, and we need to be there – even if we feel like we don’t fit anymore. It doesn’t sound like there was abuse going on – because that is an entirely different situation – so, find your way back to your family.
I am curious about how you see the parents’ difficulties within the marriage affecting the children. I don’t mean to debate, I ask as someone wanting to end a marriage filled with betrayal – so no outright abuse to my body but an ongoing repeated abuse of trust and faith. I have preserved in my marriage for 4 years since all the betrayals came out – 15 years of unfaithfulness in the heart and in body. He has worked hard to change his ways and to be a good husband but his mind wanders and he defends his mistakes constantly, devaluing me as a woman and as his wife, and devaluing me as my children’ mother… Somehow I am not worth his effort to be faithful and present as husband. I don’t want to debate this with you, these my genuine questions. Do I do right by my daughters to stay? What am I modelling and teaching them? What am I teaching my son, too? This is my question night after night after night. Am I being a good mom sticking by my husband when he can’t seem to stop betraying his vows?
– I have stayed because I believe the stability is good for my children and they are still young.
But my own heart is broken and heavy with sorrow, and I am tired of pretending.
Praying for you & sending you strength. Trust your heart.
Sending you love, dear sister. It’s so hard, trying to make all those decisions. May I gently offer that being an example for your children masters….how would you want their spouse to treat them?
Even though I grew up in an abusive house, I have tried very hard to teach my kids a different way and so far both get and receive respect from their bf/gf.
My parents stayed in a marriage they were unhappy with until I was in college for me. It was bad for them and growing up in an volatile household with two people who couldn’t stand each other wasn’t good for the kids either. If they had divorced when I was young I think it would have been better for everyone and definitely better for them. Trust yourself not a judgemental teacher on the internet
This is breaking my heart. I hope you can stay true to yourself and that you have enough respect for yourself. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to be able to trust someone. You deserve better than this. My parents divorced when I was only ten. What Cari says above is just wrong for me and I assume for many others. My heart was not broken. I ended up with two loving families and two safe places to go. I am now in my 22nd year of marriage to my husband and it is going strong. I am not saying this to brag (at all!). I am just saying that I was a product of a divorced household and now my sister and I both have 20+ year marriages! I am a successful person in my career and a mother to four. My parents’ divorce had no detrimental effects. I think it was BETTER that I could see them as strong individuals and my mother as independent and worthy of respect. I have no advice for you but I want you to know that divorce does NOT equal failure and that sometimes staying in an unhappy marriage is the failure. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.
Oh, AMEN sister!! I grew up with parents in an extremely dysfunctional relationship, and you better believe there have been massive consequences. My siblings and I have struggled with unhealthy relationships and the decisions of not having the example set for us. Just this past Monday I made the decision to end my nearly decade long marriage as I cannot subject my kids to the same environment and set them up to repeat the cycle. Pretending is good for nobody – especially the kids. My sons deserve an example of true faith and honesty, and God does not expect us to do it alone. Marriage is a partnership, and when one spouse doesn’t take part it does not work. Infidelity and abuse (including emotional) are sins in a marriage. It is one thing to run away at the drop of a hat to “find something better”. I believe this society IS too focused on immediate gratification and less on persevering – but this is not the case for you or me. We TRIED… but we cannot do it alone. And we must do better for our children, even if the short term decisions are difficult. STAY STRONG and be true to God, you, and your kids. You are loved!
What part of ‘dont judge’ did you not get???? or don’t offer advice??? Stop it! Just stop it.
Glennon – we love you. ALL of you.
I did not read Cari’s comment as judgement. She is simply saying she does not agree with Glennon’s conclusions. Neither do I.
Judgement: When you make someone else wrong, you hold the energy of needing to correct, convince, control ,or change someone else . Someone should “be or do” the way you expect. Blaming, complaining, or condemning becomes acceptable.
Some tips:
Before you decide to share that you disagree with someone, get vulnerable with your feelings about why this bothers you. Why it is problematic to you? What are your own fears worries or concerns? When you are ready to speak, decide if it is an appropriate situation to offer your opinion. A good rule of thumb is if someone is in pain or crisis, keep your mouth shut. If you discern that someone cares and can hear what you think, the best way to go about it is ask questions first. Then share your fears and worries. Seek understanding of them and yourself. Don’t make grand pronouncements about how people “should” do it. Trust me, you will get more mileage in your life by going about it this way.
Seriously, who are you to judge?
Staying in a marriage that isn’t working damages your children. Children are not damaged by divorce. I am a child of divorce and I had parents that DID NOT BELONG TOGETHER and my mom did it right. She gave me a huge gift the day she divorced my dad. Was he abusive? No. Was he a bad guy? Not really. But them living together was bad for me. It broke my heart to see them miserable TOGETHER. I’m sorry that you’ve experienced divorce done wrong, but this is not what Glennon and Craig are doing. They are doing it right. And my only suggestion to you is to look really hard inside and figure out why divorce scares you into judgement. You can’t say no judgement and then go right on judging. “I’m not going to judge you but heres why you’re wrong.” Try leading with your heart, not imaginary concern for the children because divorce scares you. In yoga there is a way of breathing called so hum. It means I am this. What are you today and is it what you want to be? Everyday I wake up and choose support and love and faith. You could too.
thank you. i so needed to hear your story, Jen. peace love blessings xo
Same for me : the day my parents FINALLY divorced was a relief beyond imagination. They were definitely not made to be together, and children cannot understand why two people who don’t get along stay together. What wrecks children is when the household has no peace. Not two parents not getting along living under the same roof only to pretend having saved their marriage.
You have missed Glennon’s most important lesson. One that is greater than keeping a marriage intact. One that offers more freedom to the soul and more healing, power and peace to her children. Learning to love oneself, love another, and keep peace and love in one’s heart despite our messiness and life’s brutality. To step off one’s moral high horse and live with heart and honesty.
My “news” came about a year after Glennons. Over time, I gave up hope of it surviving. Instead, I committed to my own healing, sitting with my own pain, and learning to trust myself. In turn, my marriage has shifted, my partner is healing himself, and we are healthier as a couple than we have ever been. But I am not nor ever will be tied to our marriage being forever. I am committed to doing the next right thing, with incredible and forever love for my children, myself, and my partner. I think that is the only way for a marriage to make it, but even then it is not a guarantee. The only thing I can rely on is that I can do this life, I can live through pain, and that knowing my own heart will carry me through always.
Thank you, MBS.
Oh no you didn’t!!! You are NOT God. I know plenty of kids from single parent homes who are so much better off. She has an obligation to love her children and keep them safe and healthy. An unhealthy unhappy mother cannot do that. Her kids will see this as an example of how sometimes you DO have to put yourself first.
If you’re so concerned (and really this reeks of judgyness) then keep it to yourself and pray. You are doing nothing but being a holier than thou troll.
I couldn’t agree more, Cari. I am from a divorced family. I’m amazed that so many people are saying Gennon is strong, brave, etc.
Maybe you’re jealous……your experience does not negate the fact that Glennon is brave, courageous, etc. Perhaps you need to examine why you are still bitter over your parents divorce that causes you to be so judgemental to one of the most loving human beings I’ve been blessed to come to know.
Glennon, I am so sad. Knowing you (not personally, of course), I know that this is the absolute best decision. But of course it is still hard and brutal too. Sending you love in this difficult time.
Also… My husband and I just started a temporary separation, in hopes that it will be the shock treatment needed to get our marriage back on track. So it feels like my life has echoes of yours. I am still hoping for a different outcome in my marriage. But either way, you are my hero and you are my guiding light. Thank you.
I send love. All and only love. I send peace and grace. Thank you for showing up. ❤️❤️
The best thing to do is stand for what you believe in. And you believe in love and you choose love. Divorce does not mean love ends.It means it changes. All the best to you and your family, you know best what you need and what’s the right next step. The world will show you their love, you will see:)
With love and support to you and family, I must respectfully ask a bit more about some marriages being ‘annuals.’ I do understand that divorce is sometimes necessary. But if one’s marriage might be like an annual, then I should think the wedding vows need to be different. It doesn’t make sense to promise to be together until death…unless our marriage is like an annual flower. Feedback welcome.
She didn’t say marriage was an annual she said some loves are annuals
Glennon has written a lot more about it elsewhere. Please do look around the site, and in her books. They are wonderful. Very briefly, I would say that nobody goes into marriage knowing it’s an annual. We try our very, very best to make them perennials.
We earth beings cannot tell the future. And while we may think we may know what the future holds life is forever spinning and changing and growing with in us and outside of us. My grandparents have been married for 57 years on the 22nd of August and will be together until they die. My best friend have been together for 12 years and married for five and they have changed in ways they may not hold their marriage together. Some loves in your life will last forever, I have a friend I’ve had for thirty years, I have one I had to stop talking to last year. Some loves are annual. Only meant to be with you for a certain time. You’ll never know until you’re there. Crisis, trauma, these things can make people closer or rip people apart you just dont know. But if you want to love big and you want to love real, you go into it thinking everything is a perennial, and you find out which are annuals as you go through life.
Amen Jen.
I was married at age 22. If I had known almost 24 years ago if have severe ppd, multiple chronic illness and pain, and disabled by age 45, I wonder if my husband would have married me? Would I have felt too much of a burden to put on him?
Life happens. We do the very best we can, we sometimes fall, but we have to get back up again. And that can mean do many different things to do many people.
It is not for anyone to judge from the outside. We need so much more compassion, empathy, and love in this world.
Thanks for saying so.
Fifteen-ish years ago, I wrote to my (then fairly new) boyfriend “I can’t promise you I will love you forever, because nobody can promise that. All I can tell you is that I love you today in a way that feels like it will last forever” We are still together, we live together like married people, although we’re not. Why not ? Because it already feels like we are, so what would it change if we did ? In the eyes of God we are comitted to each other, marriage would only be for social decorum and for the taxes. We still don’t know if this love will last forever, and we like to joke about “When we grow old”, although we don’t know if we’ll still be together then. But hey, we could die tomorrow, too, and it doesn’t stop us from living today. So getting apart tomorrow should’nt stop us from loving each other today…
On a chilly sorta spring day in Cleveland, my beloved daughter and I sat and listened to you talk. Honest and true and brave. When we hugged you, we stood on either side of you and told you were would “sister” you. We sister you still, always, because we are all afraid and brave and knocked-down and lifted up. Love wins, sister.
Dear Glennon,
Wow! You are an absolute badass, so BRAVE!
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Stay strong/weak. Love Wins!