I’m staring at this blank page and thinking: This is one of the most important things you’ll ever write. Be kind and brave, Glennon. Steady. Clear. Shameless. Gentle. True.
Pretend it’s just the two of us here in my kitchen. I’m making us chamomile tea. I pass a mug to you and ask you to sit down on the couch with me. You follow me into my family room and and we sit down and I look at you. I can see that you’re nervous because you’ve figured out I’m about to tell you something important. I quickly say: It’s okay. Everyone is healthy. All is well. We are all okay.
We are. And yet.
Craig and I are separating.
What happened? I am still looking for the words. While I am smack dab in the middle of the unfolding, here is my best explanation: As you’ll read in Love Warrior, Craig and I endured serious trauma a few years ago. We suffered. My God, we suffered. I was broken, just completely shattered. And then we healed. It was beautiful.
And this is what I learned: You can be shattered and then you can put yourself back together piece by piece.
But what can happen over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently. That you are whole, finally, and strong – but you are now a different shape, a different size. This sort of change — the change that occurs when you sit inside your own pain — it’s revolutionary. When you let yourself die, there is suddenly one day: new life. You are Different. New. And no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot fit into your old life anymore. You are like a snake trying to fit into old, dead skin, or a butterfly trying to crawl back into the cocoon, or new wine trying to pour itself back into an old wineskin. This new you is equal parts undeniable and terrifying.
Because you just do not fit. And suddenly you know that. And you have become a woman who doesn’t ignore her knowing. Who doesn’t pretend she doesn’t know. Because pretending makes you sick. And because you never promised yourself an easy life, but you did promise yourself a true one. You did promise – back when you were putting yourself back together – that you’d never betray you again.
And so one day you sit down with your beloved, wonderful, kind, brave, warrior husband and you look at him and you say: Honey. We have worked so hard, for so long. We have been warriors for each other and for our children and for this marriage. And yet. I don’t fit here anymore.
And your husband looks at you and, eventually through his tears, he says: Four years ago you gave me the most selfless love I’ve ever received. It healed me. And now I’m going to return that kind of love to you. The kind of love that only wants truth and wholeness and peace for each other.
For the next several weeks, you do nothing but cry and talk. Sometimes it feels like that’s all you ever do—because, it turns out, you have been grieving your marriage for years. But still, you cry and talk more. You close the bedroom door and sit on that bed and you talk. You talk about how hard you’ve worked together, how you stayed on your mats and didn’t run from each other. Since you didn’t run, you discovered together that fight or flight aren’t the only options. There is a third way: heal.
You talk about how broken you each were when you met, and how whole each of you is now. You say to him: You’ve been my healing partner. He says: And you have been mine. You talk about how you can forgive someone and love someone and at the very same time know that you cannot be with them anymore. You get more honest than you have ever, ever been before. You talk about how hard, how very brutal it’s all been for the two of you. Since day one. And you talk about how beautiful it’s been for the two of you. Since day one. There is a moment in every conversation when one of you says: My God, the kids – and neither of you can go on. That’s the black hole. Still is. I can’t write more about that right now. Someday. Not today.
You sit in a therapist’s waiting room to discuss how to handle this with as much peace as possible for the kids.
You sit with your children and you create a new family mission statement:
Then you help your soon-to-be-ex-husband-forever-life-partner move into a rented house a few doors down. You have family dinners, plan your family summer vacation together, and you look at each other and realize you’ve never loved each other more, bigger, truer.
And then you tell your team. You tell the people who are invested in your career. And hot damn, this is bad timing. There is fear and panic. Because you are about to launch the biggest project of your career, the book you finished a year ago, and so many have been working so hard for its release. And it’s all about your marriage. And the advice from many is: Wait, G. Just wait till after the book has launched to reveal this. This is a MARRIAGE book – you can’t break up before it even comes out! Glennon – it will affect sales. It will affect your career, your success.
And you will listen to this advice. And you will decide: No.
Like Mama T said: I was not called to be successful. I was called to be faithful.
I was called to be faithful to truth and vulnerability and to YOU. I never promised anybody I’d get it all right; I promised I’d keep showing up forever. Today. Whether I’m in the valley or on the mountaintop.
Please come close when I say this next part, it’s important: This next step is not a departure from the path of the Love Warrior. This next step is the fulfillment of it – for me, for my particular journey. Love Warrior is a book about self-trust. It’s a book about a woman who has painstakingly learned that there is a still, small voice guiding her through this brutiful life one next right thing at a time. And that the only thing she cannot do – not ever again – is betray that voice. Self-betrayal is allowing the fear voices to drown out the still, small voice that knows what to do and is always leading us home to ourselves and to truth and to love. Love is the boss of me, not fear, and certainly not “success.”
And by the way, success to me is not staying in a marriage — it’s staying in my own peace. At all costs. And so, even when it’s highly inconvenient – even when it feels CRAZY – I will listen to the voice, and I will obey it. And I will be messy and complicated – and I will show up anyway. Because I’ve fought too hard for my sobriety, sanity, integrity—and for your trust—to give it up now.
So I said to the team: We tell our people now.
And they said: Okay. Should we clear your schedule then? Revealing yourself in your writing about this is one thing, but do you want to be on stages with it? Won’t that feel too vulnerable?
And I thought about that for a while. Lord have mercy, cancelling the tour sounded good.
And I decided: No.
My family is here, now in two houses. But my family is also you.
I will not hide from you, not now. I will show up in your cities, in your churches and theaters and on stages and I will say: HERE I AM. A little busted up, but not destroyed. I will be at my weakest, but when we are weak, then we are strong. If I’m this weak, can you imagine how strong I’ll be? Damn.
Listen: Love is not a victory march. It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah. So I might be cold and I might be broken but I am still gonna scream HALLELUJAH all over this country. I am going to stand in front of you with my medicated little head held high and I am going to be so busted up and broken that the light is going to pour out of me like stained glass. I know this.
Here’s what else I know: Some loves are perennials—they survive the winter and bloom again. Other loves are annuals—beautiful and lush and full for a season and then back to the earth to die and create richer soil for new life to grow. The eventual result of both types of plants is New Life.
New life. Nothing wasted. No failure. Love never fails. Never, never. Love is messy and beautiful and brutal – and Love is the whole point. So, I am not afraid, I was born to do this.
I’m asking you, please love me through this. Be my people. The world will have opinions and I need this Love Warrior Army. Please stay close.
Sister On, my beloveds. We can do hard things. We belong to each other. And LOVE WINS.
G
P.S. Since I publicly announced the trauma in my marriage four years ago, I have become a soft place to land for women in marriage trauma. I have listened to what kind of responses from people are helpful and which are hurtful. So many of us want to say and do the loving and supportive thing, but we sometimes don’t know what that looks like. So, with humility, love (and a healthy dose of defensiveness on behalf of my heart and the hearts of my warrior sisters), I offer the following thoughts:
If I don’t mention something, it’s not because I forgot to. It’s because I desperately have to find the balance here between honesty and a tell-all. Between transparency and responsibility. What I owe you and what I owe myself. There will be parts of this story I (try to) keep for myself and Craig and the kids. If you can, please resist assumptions, gossip, or asking for details I haven’t provided. I can tell you this: I feel defensive of Craig here. No one could have worked harder. There is no better father or man on earth. Craig is a hero. He is a Love Warrior. I am fiercely proud of him.
Try to avoid lamenting how sad it is that people “throw away their marriages these days.” Try not to generalize. I have met hundreds of divorced women who didn’t throw their marriages away. Most of us fight like hell for our marriages until we realize that we can either save our marriages or save our souls. So please, I’m not looking for advice. Just love and support.
Please don’t pretend to know what God thinks of us. Please think deeply about the chasm-wide difference between leaving a man and leaving God. Please remember that when a woman leaves, she just brings God with her. Nothing separates a woman or a family from God’s love. Not death, and certainly not divorce. Jesus taught us that sometimes death is necessary for there to be new life. And that God loves us far more than any institution God made for us. When someone suggests otherwise, it brings shame to us. But we won’t let that in. We are women who have become far too wise to believe in shame.
Sometimes, when people make decisions about marriage, it evokes strong feelings in others. If my news does that to you today, please look inside and get curious about whether those feelings have more to do with you and your life than they do about me and mine.
I will repeat this last one: Please stay close. I need you more than I’ve ever needed you.
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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1,791 Comments
I need to tell YOU something…THANK YOU. I was so thankful to read this today. Today is hard. Today is heavy. Today is the first wedding anniversary since my divorce. Whew. Would of been 12 years. I am so blessed to have found honest, raw, truthful, relatable realness in you and your showing up. Thank you for the virtual bear hug I got from your words and your bravery, I appreciate it and am squeezing right back. We will get through today side by side, sistering the shit out of sistering.
I just loved that last part “sistering the shit out of sistering” That’s what we should be doing, all the time.
I hope you have good sisters by your side Jay, we are right there too
Sending love and light
Just a few words to tell you that I love you, and keep you and Craig and your family in my thoughts. You two do what’s best for you. Where there is love, there is God. He will take good care of you, as He always does. Carry on, Warrior.
Dearest G,
I am so very grateful for your courage and this story of truth has healed a piece of my busted up divorced self. Much love to you, and thank you for shining your light. ❤️
Your children are going to need a place to heal. All those words on that paper are excellent and that will help. However, they are going to need a safe place to take thier feelings. That probably won’t be with either your hubby or you because they are going to want to protect you and your hubby. They won’t want to say, or feel something that may make you sad. May I encourage you to get them therapy? Now. Please don’t make the assumption that they are OK. Imagine my tone sweet and comforting , I am not good at flowery writing but that is where my heart is….
Your heart is in a good place. Also, I’m very sure that Glennon knows all this already. <3
Dear Glennon,
My husband, Dominic and I began separating in 2012…right around the time I got my hands on Carry On Warrior. Your book helped build a fortress of gratitude in my life, which has helped me navigate these troubling times with much more grace than I’d ever imagined possible. I’ll admit feelings of hope and jealousy when you and Craig seemed to be navigating the marriage thing better than Dominic and I. When I read this post I thought I’d be crestfallen. My flame of hope for marital repair seemingly extinguished. BUT, as I read your words I could hear my husband’s voice. He’d been trying to tell me the things you so eloquently spoke for all these years. But in my single-minded belief that marriage vows were unbreakable, I’d not been able to hear him. I forwarded your blog to him immediately. He read it and responded with such love and appreciation. Thank you. Dominic is the finest man I’ve known. When asked about our break-up, I tell everyone the only thing he’s done wrong is leave. I’ve been coming to a place of acceptance for the past few months. But what you’ve shared may be the bridge that helps Dominic and I remain friends and family in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise seen. Is it possible that in our day and age, marriage is more like graduate school than prison? In the past we’d marry forever and endure the parts that were not life-giving. But if the experts are right, and we are drawn to and marry partners that help us resolve long-held family issues, then a good marriage could be defined as either one that lasts OR one from which we “graduate” a different and hopefully more complete person. Again, thank you for sharing, mb
Empowering. Beautiful. Enough said….
Hi Glennon-
What a difficult announcement to have to make. I’ll admit that this affected me deeply. I was so looking forward to the book as a story of “someone who stayed”. I stayed, and almost no one seems to write that story, so when you made your announcement about your new book, goodness, I felt so much less alone. It was scary for me to read that you’ve decided to end your marriage–it was such a source of comfort to me that someone who I admired and trusted so much found the path through. It was bit of a beacon for me. That being said, I understand your choice rather fully, I appreciate your bravery and honesty, and I wish you and your family all the very best during this time.
Right there with you, M. I felt the same exact way when I read this as someone who also stayed. Hugs to you and nothing but love to Glennon, Craig, and their children.
So sad to hear. I hurt for you and Craig and your family, but I’m also so proud of how strong you are. Warrior on with help from your friends.
I am so proud of you for being brave enough to go through the death that leads to new life. Part of what makes that require bravery is we don’t know ahead of time what that new life looks like. So I am grateful that you and Craig are able to provide each other the grace necessary to move into this new life vs trying to force each other to fit into an old mold. You will be okay. This will be hard and it will hurt but you are through the hardest part dear sister. In the season of hard and hurt I send you abounding grace for yourself, extra patience for the kids, more forgiveness to extend than others deserve, time to heal, joy and excitement for building the new life bcs once you grieve the old te new is exciting, peace and love. That’s what I needed and what I now extend to you. Warrior on beloved.
Thank you for sharing – I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been. There is a strength in your words that is heartbreakingly beautiful. I wish you all the love and strength in the world as you walk through this part of your life.
This perspective can teach a lot to anyone who thinks it would be fun to live in the public eye. It must be incredibly difficult to tackle the task of managing/marketing your personal circumstances while going through said personal circumstances. While social media has offered opportunities that were previously never heard of – like blogging as a FT job or becoming popular through viral posts or tweets – it has also created a culture where many people feel they need to justify their lives to the rest of us, or else risk negative comments or loss of support.
So beautiful. As you embark on your Divorce Journey, Glennon, keep your heart open to Peace and Healing.
Your ex tried, HE TRIED…..but could not keep the flame burning.
It is hard, but you will carry on, and carry on well if you have the security and financial stability you need. I hope you think of YourSelf during this process. Healing takes time, energy and resources. Namaste.
So much love and so many prayers to you and your family – what a heartachingly beautiful, raw, honest post. So incredibly brave. And I do know what G-d thinks of you – He loves you all beyond imagining. I think this snippet from the series finale of our (BBC) Musketeers may be apropos…Athos is headed off into the sunset with Sylvie when the following exchange happens:
Sylvie: What lies ahead for us, I wonder?
Athos: It really doesn’t matter.
Sylvie: Doesn’t matter?
Athos: Not if we face every challenge the way we always have. With great passion; hearts that stay true to all we hold dear; courage, no matter how many enemies lie in wait for us; faith that daylight will always follow the dark.
Sylvie: And love?
Athos: Above all else.
Always love…may you both give it and find it in places and ways both expected and unexpected. xx
solid.
to the light.
highest and besest good.
to you, yours and the freedom this gives everyone.
xo
paulina
Dear Glennon and Craig,
I personally know what this ‘undoing’ feels like. I will pray for you both to make it through. In this next phase of your lives you will still be modeling what “Love Warriors” do. And Glennon, you will be on your speaking tour with as you said your brokenness on display. When I look at stained glass the beams of light shining through only reveal the beauty within. Glennon, that’s what I’ve always seen in your words. As long as you are true to yourself and I to myself in turn, that’s what I will always see. -Love from Patricia in Berlin, Germany
We. Do. Hard. Things.
Love. Always. Wins.
I am holding you all in my heart.
Love you, mean it.
Stay strong, stay true and love on. You are amazing and my heart hurts for you and your family. Peace to you all.
Am right here G.
This is so powerful, brave, and beautiful. This new journey has just begun, and it will be just as wonderful as you are.
So proud of you and Craig and the grace you have shown one another.
You continue to inspire.
(Have a listen to Faith Hill’s song “There You’ll Be”. 10 years after ending my 25 year marriage, I still feel this way.)
Thank God for your authenticity. Before you wrote this post, I didn’t even know about you or your work. I found you through Elizabeth Gilbert’s Facebook share. WOW. Your authenticity and rawness is appreciated – because where you stand is giving those of us with less than perfect lives the permission to stand imperfectly in similar places everywhere. I just ordered your Warrior books and I can’t wait to read them – looking forward to your new book in September. Having walked a similar journey the past 18 months, I appreciate your rawness and realness so very much. All the best to you and yours.
Hey, G – can I gently and lovingly suggest something, as someone who has been reading you since 2010? It might be time to leave the internet for awhile. Maybe indefinitely. The ending of a marriage is excruciating, even if both partners do everything they can to make it peaceful. So I cannot fathom why you would start a promotional book tour, in which your family’s story of divorce will be front and center, at a time like this. You called all of us here your family, but we are not. Your family is your family. They need you; we do not. We love you and appreciate you and are inspired by you, but goodness, G, to equate our need to hear you speak with your actual family’s needs at this time is crazy. Your entire family (you included) would benefit from some privacy and quiet space right now; a highly-publicized book tour in which you repeatedly make public the story of your marriage’s demise is the last thing that makes sense.
Right. As if her divorce is special and the world needs to hear about it. Her feelings regarding her divorce are not new- everyone who goes through a divorce experiences similar feelings and goes through a similar process of healing and recovery. And…there are plenty of books on divorce! Why would anyone read her book on marriage when clearly she wrote the book to help her divorce!
Ooo. Weird. I could feel the anger in that. Listen, Sophia. I’m interested in her book because it is about her. Because it is about self love. Not marriage, not divorce. You dont like it? Look away. Dont read her book. The rest of us will. We are monkees and sisters and a love warrior army. And to be really honest with you, we don’t have room for negativity or accusations here. Here love wins. Here we do hard things. Here we are beautiful. And here we know our worth so your words dont break us. They bounce. We rise. I wish you peace. Namaste
Have fun with that book. I’m sure all that love and light will help you out. Seriously if it doesn’t bother you or ring true, you’re free to ignore. I’m just calling it as I see it. I don’t shy away from speaking truth. Even if it hurts.
Yes! Loving and true words right here. This is a time to pull in and hunker down.
May I gently and lovingly suggest that Glennon has thought of all this already? She did ask us not to give advice, and honoring that request is one of the few things we can do to help her right now.
Kesha my dear I want to tell you something. I’m a different type of person. Here is the type of person I am. I got sick two weekends ago. Like knock you on the bum sick. Did I mention over the next two weeks the four weeks previous to this I have been doing everything in moving my grandparents to Illinois. I woke up the day I was sick and I bought medical masks and gloves. Did my work from home, had Comcast installed at there appointment and went grocery shopping for them while taking my three kids along for the journey and my husband. Over the next several days my husband and I moved their furniture, built furniture, got their meds, moved their fish and have taken care of them every day since while still working, playing with our kids (we work from home) feeding them doing bath time and bed time and loving them just as much as the day before. Some people need to do things even when they are sick or hurting and as one of those people I have to tell you- people can tell me to stop or slow down but I cant because my internal voice and fire lead me. My heart leads me to all of my people. Some people have to be able to do their thing. It is just how we are built. Beautiful and different.
I am sending love and peace and healing in strong waves to you and Craig and the kids. My love and friendship is present and circling you all. Thank you for trusting us. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being you. See you in California in October. Our love does not waver.
As someone who faught for far too long for my marriage, through abuse and trama, I get it….I get you…I got you….
I won’t be going anywhere. What I love to see from you is your strength and vulnerability, love and courage, your ability to keep on keeping on even when the road is tough. What I like most about you is you being you. You being real. You letting us in enough to see that even though we’re all imperfect too, it’s ok.
Dear Glennon,
I have loved you since the first blog post of yours I ever read- years ago. Then I got to see you and meet you in NYC last winter and loved you more. Your honesty, bravery and unrelenting spirit inspire me every day. Today too. My heart breaks for you and your family and I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t say my heart breaks for me a little too. As a child of divorce and someone who works hard and struggles being married, your announcement brings up a lot of emotions. I know no one has tried harder or done more to make their marriage succeed. I know it couldn’t. I just wanted it too so badly– for you and Craig and for all of us. My love for you is strong Glennon, and I’m holding space for you as I would a friend. Thank you for sharing this love and pain with us and helping me look at my own. I wish I could hug you!
Thank you, you said it perfectly! All I can do is repeat – As “someone who works hard and struggles being married, your announcement brings up a lot of emotions. I know no one has tried harder or done more to make their marriage succeed. I know it couldn’t. I just wanted it too so badly– for you and Craig and for all of us. My love for you is strong Glennon, and I’m holding space for you as I would a friend. Thank you for sharing this love and pain with us and helping me look at my own. I wish I could hug you!”
What a brave girl! ((hug))
Prayers,
Kate
Man, this resonates with me. My husband is newly sober and I just don’t know where we’ll end up on the other side. This year has been one of transformation for me and I know exactly what t means to put yourself together in a new way. Thanks for being so brave and honest. Love.
If I were sitting across from you in that living room I would say this after I hugged you tightly: “you are not alone. Thank you for trusting me with your story. I will pray for all of you. You are so brave and real and you make me want to be more real too. We are here for you.” Love you Glennon. May God bless you with a beautiful new wineskin for this part of the story!
G at first I was heartbroken and thinking about what I could say to help you mend this. Then I realized my own troubles in my first marriage and the struggles I deal with in the second. Someone’s I wonder if I’d be better off single.
Depression, anxiety, sobriety, family…I get it! Honey I am proud of you for standing up and saying something, not hiding it. I care about you, being a public figure in the Christian world cannot be easy.
My heartaches for your heartache. My prayers are with you and your family. I support you in your decision as hard as it was. I look forward to seeing you in Portland, Oregon.
Hey girl – you’ve done good and in doing so with your raw honesty and self (soul) honouring you have added a piece to my puzzle. This isn’t in regard to being in a relationship with a partner – it’s just reminded me to stop betraying myself – and that it is ok to be true to myself first and foremost no matter how much you love another – in my case my daughter. Much love Claire xx
All the love and grace to you all.
Love. Family. Close.
G, count me among those who are staying close at hand.
I will sing your song back to you!
love love love to you
Divorce is not the answer for every failing marriage; finding oneself and realizing that no one person on earth could ever fulfill your very need, your every emotion, goals, dreams, and ambitions. Many times, we look to that person who fulfilled us at one time, to continue fulfilling us a women, human beings but we should stop . Just because we are on that journey and our spouse is not on that same journey, we are called to include our spouse on that journey too! We all grow at different paces but when we take that vow to love for better or for worse, we must remember that the worse is when we are on separate journeys at some point in our lives together, but because of that vow, we are to include that person as well. Love is a decision. Staying together is a decision, Keeping that vow is a decision. If you choose to break the vow, and decide that you do not want to be on that same journey that you were on together before, then, ask yourself this question, ” Do I think that the next mate I find will ever be on my journey for ever or will we also, find separate journeys and part ways as well?” The person who is there who helped you while you were on your journey to begin with, who helped you find your way to new beginnings, is that very person who may be there in the end because he knew you well. He knew your struggles, your dreams, your happy moments, your struggles, your background growing up, your history. No one person could ever substitute that familiarity the second time around. Everything is just surface familiarity; exchanging current stories. Is it better to be alone than to be in a marriage that you feel is doomed? Only you are to decided the expiration date. If you are dying as a person in the marriage, then move on; but if you are still growing, even if you are growing at a different pace, then bring your spouse on board with your growth and celebrate your journeys together.
Amen
Did you read her PS? Your post feels judgy. Only Glennon and Craig have lived their journey. Glennon has said said Does a Love Warrior leave? Yes. Does a Love Warrior stay? Yes. She has decided it is time for her to leave.
Kiiiinda sounds like advice to me love. Nancy I see that your heart is in the right place. I want to tell you this.
Her choice and his choice.
Glennon and Craigs choice.
We can only decide what is in our own hearts and minds and journeys.
They are doing fine on their own and if you feel the need to help, send love.
Prayers and peace to you and your family. Thank you for always being real and authentic, and above all, loving. You are not on this new journey alone. Sending much love to you!
Peace and love to you. I salute your transparency and surrender.
To sum: Frivolous divorce is the doorway that grants access to a superior form of love which exists on a higher plane and is inaccessible to ordinary people who are only married.
“Frivolous”?? “Inaccessible”?? My hope is that whatever spurred this reply comes to light and healing becomes a focus
Divorce can be the healthy path – it’s unhealthy to keep your spouse and children emotionally hostage to an “image” of an intact family to fit in with the Jones, who may be very miserable themselves behind closed doors – while the true journeys are happening within secret relationships outside the “family” that are not being truly honored outside the marriage. You can experience deep and injuring friendship and be a phenomenal parent and be a divorced parent. This is how I choose to interpret the word “frivolous” divorce. There is such an unhealthy sigma to divorce, when both parties may be more truly honored and respected and better true friends by divorcing and tolerating and supporting their ex-spouses to feel more emotionally and sexually fulfilled with a new partner. It’s not healthy for the children to be the center focus of all that emotional energy when the marriage isn’t real, signing family mission statements, playing emotional props for their parents, keeping them together, as children need to be supported to be children and not carry their parents baggage or problems to solve for their parents.
Jason my dear, you need new perspecticles. Yours are working and their making you come off like jealous and angry jerk. Sorry love, but I call them like I see them.
This is not and either or. It can be both. Or one or the other. Sometimes you may be able to achieve true self love with your partner and it works well for both of you. Sometimes it may change your structure as a person where you are not the same and that it doesn’t fit with your spouse. Both can happen. For her its the ladder. Also frivolous isn’t the right word here. You would have to know the whole story, and leave the bias towards divorce out of it. I think this is not the type of conversation you should be involved in. We have a different theme here.
Feeling awestruck for the bravery to trust yourself when the truth is inconvenient. Sending love and support for all our sisters who know their next right thing, and just need action. May we all live so bravely.
Just want to echo these sentiments… Can’t seem to think of more perfect words…. Thanks to Laura for your eloquence!
So much love sent to you G and your family! You are so brave! Remember one day at a time, actually, one minute at a time. You taught me about next right thing… You are a gorgeous genius. Remember what happens in the pain. I know when it’s us it’s so hard to do…. Love you and Craig no matter what! Thanks for sharing your brutiful story. You have no idea how many people you are helping. Not to mention you have such a gift with words! Love you G
Sending you so much love and in awe of you as always. Proud to “know” you. So proud.. ❤️
Lots of Love to you, Craig and your children throughout adjusting in your new life!
Big hug from Australia
G-
I’m sorry you are going through this, and with kids. No one gets married to get divorced. Your ‘un-coupling” can be whatever you want it to be. You can choose to make it a transition rather than a battle. My mantra was/is “Surrender to what is, not what you want it to be”. Divorce doesn’t have to equal destruction. And it sounds like you are doing it together, well so far. Keep perspective, even if you need to write them/it on a piece of paper and have it in front of you while you have discussions. Have divorce “goals” or outcomes you need, would like, and some you may be willing to negotiate. Write them down together. Include the kids, because it is life changing for everyone.
I am still friends with my ex-husband. Even after a two year divorce process. With clear intentions we had separate lawyers, but did it together.
You can do this. You are enough.
May you find peace, support, patience. honesty and a different kind of love through this transition.
Peace.
Margi
Margi.
Not many words, just thank you and Love you
Love and hugs and peace – for you and your family
Glennon. Selfishly, this has been such a relief for me to read. My husband and I separated two and a half years ago. My life exploded – I exploded – and the pain was like nothing I’d ever experienced. It changed me, shaped me , into a new person, a different person. We’re still fighting, and trying. But it’s hard. And it feels too tight, and too small.
This post seems like a confirmation that I’ve been waiting for. To let go with courage, and love. Thank you for your bravery, and honesty, and integrity.
I’ll be one of your people.
I have no doubt that you will painfully, truthfully, humanly, terrifically, graciously walk this path. You and Craig.
Keeping you all in my thoughts tonight.
Glennon, I cannot tell you how deeply touched I was by this. I am in a similar situation and so relate to the feeling that success is not defined by staying in a marriage, and often times staying means betraying yourself, even if you’ve fought, even when you love someone and they are the only one you have ever loved, you look at them, and you look at yourself in the mirror and you realize it cannot be. Thank you for writing this, thank you for being real and transparent and articulating things I couldn’t about my own journey. I live with my four children in a motor home, and I have never felt more peace. Sometimes the peace comes from knowing the brokenness that needs to be fixed is what we’ve been fighting to save for so long. I am grateful to you for your words and wisdom.
Glennon, wrapping you and your family in love. <3 Love on Sister <3 xXx
My sister, all the love in the world to you, to Craig, to the beautiful, brave, strong family you have created together. You have brought healing to so many, you have healed yourselves. May you find comfort and peace in this time and new strength on this path. This is truly the path of the Love Warrior. Well done.
Glennon, I’m a collaborative divorce lawyer. If you haven’t already, please check out the International Academy of Collaborative Law and find a collaborative attorney near you to speak with. I see so very many people, too often years after their divorces, who tell me how desperately they wish they’d have known about collaborative law when they divorced. I do pre-divorce consulting with people all over the country – so they can learn how to divorce with love, compassion and dignity.
Families are forever. Once you have children, you are and forever will be a family. I’m divorced. My parents were divorced. I know this so well. Divorcing is never easy or painless no matter who wants it or how you do it. It deserves honoring the marriage that was, and honoring the new way your family will navigate your lives going forward.
Be well!
I follow and enjoy your blog, but somehow missed this one today. My friend and co-parent (I don’t like the term ‘ex’) sent it to me tonight and I read it in tears. Thank you, so much, for sharing your story. It’s almost like you knew ours, and the bravery my co-parent had three years ago when we had the same conversation. We still love each other, in a new way; we travel together, the three of us; we will always, always, be a family. It can be done. The road ahead is messy and beautiful, but it’s been the only genuine road for us and I wouldn’t trade it. Thank you, again, for sharing this. You and your family are an inspiration.
G, you are blessed girlfriend! You are blessed with kids that love you, warriors all over the world and a soon to be ex a few doors down along with honesty in your soul that is guiding you on this journey.
Be prayerful, always. God will provide your solace.
Do I hear a Hallelujah!?
So much love and light to you, Craig en your children. Your courage is astounding to me and I am amazed at your strength. Weak is not a word I’d use to describe you. Vulnerable, yes, but that is goid, that is brave. Love love love to you.
I’ve been separated from my husband for six years. We have a child together, and we are very close friends; we love one another deeply and always will. I don’t know if we can live together again or not. Probably not. But we are a family and that won’t ever change. There are as many ways to be a family as there are families. My only advice for you is not to feel pressured into decisions that make other people more comfortable but don’t feel right to you. People used to ask me “Why aren’t you divorced?” in an accusing kind of a way. And I came to say “Why? So you’d be happier?” I mean, really! Take care of YOU and your precious children, and take care of one another. And hell, yes, I’ll buy your book! (Actually, I think I might already have pre-ordered two. WHATever!) Big hugs to you, and deep breaths! Love Wins!
Hi Sherry. Same situation here. Separated, not divorced. Still a family – but not a marriage. It’s HARD because nobody seems to understand it. xx
I hear you xx
Same here and nobody understands it – I almost think everybody would be more comfortable if we hated each other and went to war with each other through divorce lawyers… THAT they understand.
But that you can love somebody, but need to leave them; that you choose peace & wholeness over a traditional family set up in which your soul would slowly die… they don’t get it.
The thing is, as you will know, the WAY you live proves your point – your peace, your contentment, your joy. Eventually they see that the tough choices you made have made you and your family more, and not less, whole.
Love to you x
Oh yay, let’s start a club!! 🙂
Thank you for all that you have done for me during my own trauma and healing process. I needed to know there was hope. You gave that to me. THANK YOU!!
Beautifully said…thank you. Your advise for speaking to someone going through a divorce is spot on. I would have liked to have had that printed on cards to pass out to people when I divorced.
I wish you and your family peace on the journey ahead.
Gratitude for this: “Most of us fight like hell for our marriages until we realize that we can either save our marriages or save our souls” … I lived this, and yes. yes. yes. Thank you for your words, your searing honesty and passionate authenticity. Thank you for blazing a visionary trail of what it means to be a Love Warrior, to be faithful to truth above all. This kind of Love ripples endlessly, transforming the world with Courage and Grace.
Bless you, sweet friend… as I feel like I could sit and drink that tea and hold your hand today. Your transparency has made so many of us feel this way about you. Your news today knocked the wind out of me for sure… but only because I love you so dearly and understand some of the work you have done to get you to the place where you can say such hard and true things. I sat with my friends today and we felt it together. Nothing but love from all of us to you. Only grace and mad respect and prayers for you and all of yours. Thank you thank you thank you for daring so very greatly over and over again. May you know peace and clarity and the embraces of the lover of your soul today.
Love to you and your family. Thank you for your brutiful honesty.
I recently divorced and feel your pain. I love your strength and honesty, your commitment to lift women higher, and your encouragement to empower each other. We need more of that in our world. Continue to fight. We love you and are here for you.
#lovewarrior #leanin
Glennon, I have not read your blog, I have no idea what the trauma is that you experienced, buy the moment I started reading your post (this post) I thought, oh my god, this woman knows what I am going through! I need to read this book. My marriage has suffered a trauma, in the past couple years my husband and I have stayed, we have tried rebuilding, we have helped each other become whole, and are still in that process. Your description of being shattered and being put back together completely differently…brilliant. I wish I could come sit in your kitchen and drink chamomile tea with you and cry and laugh together, because I get it. I know how it feels to work so hard to rebuild and yet not know how to fit a marriage back together. I understand the humanity of it, and that healing never leaves you with quite the same perspective. You have given me courage sister. And you have given me hope. Continue on, refusing to let being honest hold you back. Thank you. So much love to you and your family in this difficult transition.
Only love for you and yours…holding you in my heart!
I love you. I love your heart. I can’t imagine the courage it takes to do this right thing when it would feel so so public and so so hard. Sister on.
All the love and support from over here.
Holding space for a beautiful, inspiring, unbelievable, wildly compassionate exquisite human being. Holding space for all of your people, too. We love you, G. You are pure love. We’re all right here with you, sister. Thank you for sharing your bravery, your journey, your imperfection, your fierceness, your warrior soul and spirit with us.
Thank you for sharing your honest, brave, beautiful and incredibly sad story,. You are helping others in your situation know that they are not alone that they will not lose their testimony or ministry. Prayers for you and your family.
I love you and I love the way you speak truth and I am so happy that I got tickets to see you even though it is 600 miles from where I live. Sending love, light and healing to all of you.
Blessings and Love to you sweet one…to all of you as you All embark on this new journey… just love and support…
You are a phenomenon. Please keep going.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Love on.
I love to sit at your feet and learn and glean from your wise words of wisdom. I call you , and Liz, and Brene my prophetesses and I love learning from you all as you do hard things and change the world one brave act a time.
When I got divorced 11 years ago, I didn’t have a divorce Sherpa (as my best friend calls me now). There was no one to show me how to do it “right”. I had God, three little kids, the somewhat willing father of my children, and a fledgling business. And now I have a 20 year old in college, an 18 year old senior, a 15 year old sophomore, a great father of my children, a blooming business and a man who loves me like crazy. We have vacationed together. We tell highs and lows at dinners together. We laugh and have great family stories and my kids tell their friends that their family isn’t like a typical family but it’s still awesome. We don’t always do it right. And there is yelling and colorful language. But there is love, and laughter, and joy, and really cool adventures.
God told us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. There are days where loving the father of your children is hard work. But the pay off for loving him and working together even in two houses when you can’t find the soccer uniform is huge! Just now I am staring to see the fruits of our labor in my most amazing children.
Hoping by sharing my experience you see a little extra light of hope beyond what you so wilingly give to others Many, many blessings!!
Yes, this gave me an extra little light of hope that was needed. Thank you.
Karen, your story is such a lovely ray of hope . . . thank you so much for sharing. i wish there was a way all of us who have walked, are walking, or are about to walk this journey could share our stories and support each other – a safe place to go and see and be seen . . . . reading these posts has been such a blessing. so profoundly grateful for your note. peace love blessings xo
G,
Today as I was looking for a specific big post (Don’t be pretty, be beautiful in 2014) for my trauma group I was facilitating, I opened up the site and saw your first few words and sat down like the wind had been knocked out of me and let out a little cry. Tears welled up and my women asked me what was wrong. I simply said, “my friend is getting a divorce.” And that’s how it felt. My friend.
Thank you for bringing it to us, thank you for leaning in with us and I pray that we can give to you the support we’ve received from you the last 6+ years. You are walking Grace. I love you.
My dearest G,
Although we met in person for all of five minutes (in NYC at Trinity Church; I’m Laura’s friend) I love you. Because my heart recognizes yours as a sister. I have walked through the pain of intense marriage work, to see the light of my sobriety anniversary dawn with the intense knowledge that I would have to leave my ex-husband. He is a good man, and fought the best he could too, but we could not fight together any longer. I love you for being brave. I love you for being vulnerable. Rigorous honesty…that is your creed and your strength. You are teaching me through the blessings of your words to listen to the voice of Love, rather than Fear. That is what I believe you are doing now…you are listening to Love’s voice, even if it tells you something you might not want to hear.
I believe in you, my Sister-of-the-Heart.
LOVE WINS.
This is the first I have encountered your writing. I’m hooked. I want to read Love Warrior. I am a divorced woman who has found live again. I admire how you are handling your separation. Bravo for loving each other through it. It is so easy to tear each other down in this process, you have found a much healthier way.
Oh my soul – so much of what you wrote parallels my own experience over the last year. My husband of 15 years and I separated and doing so was one of the best decisions of my life. We are better people, better friends and better parents because of it.
Thank you so much for sharing!!!
One thing I’ve found to be profoundly true: We live in a world of poop and compost… Stuff dies and rots all the time. Every day. Compost stinks, looks gross and makes people super uncomfortable. No one wants to look at poop, smell it or touch it. Dead stuff is yucky. Yet when I’m preparing the soil of my garden, every spring, what do I purchase to fortify the soil? Compost and manure. I grow the most beautiful flowers in my compost/shit soil. And some pretty fantastic vegetables too. As much as we humans despise death, it’s a very necessary part of new life and the death of my marriage has painfully forced me to see the shit in life in a whole new way.
In reading your words (and divorced myself) I felt I wanted to offer you one thought: As much as you wanted to do marriage well, then forgiveness well, then leaving your husband well, and next divorce well, and co-parenting well… these experiences are simply heart-shredding (even when you have peace and confidence in your decision, even when both parents want to be on the same side).
You don’t owe us doing it all better than everyone else or to be an example in your pain or to figure out how to do it so it all works out well all along the way. If you mess up or your kids are heart-broken or you fight with your ex over money—you’re allowed to be humanized and humiliated and hurting. Part of the inevitable process, even when you do it as well as you are already trying to do it. <3
Bingo…
Yes.
The world needs more women like you.
Amen!
I just love you. Period. No matter what.
Journey on, all of you, and know that you walk the path clothed in love and grace. It is how we make our way through the bittersweet darkness that is part of life. Peace to you all.
G, I am crying reading this, for your beauty, for your strength, for your pain, for your courage, for your family, for your heart, for knowing exactly those words you described about being put back together whole but different, and knowing you must do hard things. I’ve learned from you that I can be scared and brave simultaneously. We will always stay close, with love, with hugs, with tissues, as sisters, as warriors.
You are brave. You are strong. And you are LOVED!
Aw G…I’m holding huge, vast space in my heart for you and your family, always. Loving you as deeply as my heart is able. <3
I have been here from the beginning and I will stay even closer now. I’m overwhelmed with your trust, bravery and kindness. Love Wins
You do what is right for you, him, the kids. We did too. As for the rest of the world, let me quote another author “those who matter don’t mind, those that mind don’t matter “. Love, peace, hugs to you all.
Only love, love, and more love for you, Craig and your babies. You owe no one explanations. Draw close to Christ and his people.
Just unconditional for your bravery.
This is brave sister. The reason why we love you is because you boldly speak your imperfect truth. Most of us are just glad someone said how we were feeling out loud. We are all imperfect people and our journeys are filled with broken things and beautiful things. Warrior on Glennon and know that it’s our turn to heal you with our words. That’s you’re gift you know.
Piece by piece, word by word, we are all here. Blessings to you brave one. Thank you for sharing your truth.
Good-byes and endings are heartbreaking AND they are unbelievably beautiful. From my superficial knowledge of you and Craig…you all tried, and succeed, and still had to listen to that still small voice. I am praying that both of you will not be too hurt or sad or angry at the same time. So long as one of you is in a place of peace, I just know that you can both show us how you can love someone forever, yet dance onward into a new life. Love, peace and travelling mercies.
Rebecca from Nashville
Thanks for sharing. You are an inspiration! Sending love to you and your family.
You are one of the strongest, most courageous people I know. I cannot imagine what you have gone through to come to this conclusion, but I admire your strength to be true to yourself. So many people lose their lives doing what others expect of them. You’ve given me the courage to examine my life and to figure out what I want from it. Sending love and hugs for the next leg of your journey.
Sending you, and Craig, and your beautiful family love and light and all the good things. May the Lord wrap his loving arms around you and draw you all closer than ever.
My first marriage ended in divorce, after a hard fought battle, but God has blessed us with the healthiest co-parenting relationship I could imagine. My kids are healthy, happy, and oh so loved by both sides of their family. We make it work because, despite our differences, we have the same main goal–surround our kids with LOVE. Love is messy and hard and it hurts like hell sometimes, but it can also hold so much hope and promise of new beginnings.
Glennon, thank you for always living your truth. We, your people, appreciate you more than you will ever know.
I pray that the Lord will give you and your tribe the strength you need to endure. May you emerge an even more kick-ass warrior than you already are.
I love your post, your honesty. Thank you for sharing. I needed to read this today. And of course, that’s exactly why it was shared with me.
Gracias,
Ana
You are a freaking hero. Do what you need to do for YOU. Don’t worry about us, we’re not going anywhere. Be honest, easy, gentle with yourself and you’ll be fine.
This is courage. I bow to you.
What a brave girl you are. Waiting would have been the easier way to go. I have nothing but love and support for you.
Oh darlin, I’ve been there and I am sending all my love. For all of you. No judgement, just all my love and strength for all of your family. I know that sometimes you have to move on, but that doesn’t end the love.
I’m so sorry that you are struggling with your marriage. I wish I had profound words to comfort you but I’m not a writer or nearly as insightful as you are. All I can assure you of is that I will ALWAYS read anything you write. You are one of my biggest heroes. I love how you say that the most revolutionary thing we can do is introduce people to each other. I introduced my cousin to you during her separation from her husband, and your words comforted her thru her heartbreaking divorce and now live on her walls in her happy new home (“we can do hard things”). You introduced me to Colby and Kate Martin, and after listening to their podcasts for over a year I got to meet them in person last month at Sojo during our family vacation to San Diego. Your life, your experiences, your thoughts and words that you share have made me a better person and give me and my whole family the perspective we want to hold on to in this brutiful world. So please TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and stay true to yourself, because this world needs you. And keep writing and truth-telling and hope-spreading when you can, and being the incredible love leader you are, because I will always be here reading and appreciating you and introducing you to people who need you. Hugs, and prayers, and Peace and Warrior love to you, Tiffany
You are truly an inspiration to both women and men! Thank You for being the person that you are, for sharing your heart and for listening intently to that still, small voice within. Again, thank you so very much! Sending you a tremendous amount of love and grace at this very moment, and will continue!
Sending lots of love to you and your family.
And from someone that pre-ordered your book (and is still very eager for it to arrive 🙂 ), I don’t see this as something contradicting what you did four years ago. In my opinion it’s the continuation of your story. It doesn’t make you less of a love warrior. In fact, as your family mission statement shows, you’re still fighting to keep the love, just in a different form.
My heart is breaking for you. I see many supportive comments and believe those do come to you because of you and your honesty. Obviously, his decision did not come easily. And after all the hard work, sometimes you just have to move on. Love on and love wins.
Not going anywhere, G. I can’t believe how much courage you bring in every. single. post. <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability. This is life. Just when we think we have some solid ground and have it all figured out, the rug gets pulled out, either by life or by our own insight that we need to do things differently. Thank you for writing so directly about this and thank you to you and Craig and your kids for all your courage to go through this huge transition in a way that is caring and compassionate and authentic and honest and willing to be of benefit to other people by sharing what you are learning. This is what we need to see and hear and practice with each other, because life is so full of transitions all the time, and we desperately need to know as a world how to do them in a way that is heart-centred. Thank you for being brave and courageous and all the things. It is SO IMPORTANT that you are doing this the way you know you need to, with all the uncertainty that holds too. I hope that we can all be there for you in whatever small ways, and help hold you up as someone bringing something amazing to this brutiful messy world. <3