One of my greatest gifts of 2016 is a new friendship.
My favorite thing about writing is that it helps me gather my tribe. I wrote a love letter to the world called Love Warrior and sent it out into the abyss. Life is a tunnel and we writers call our truth out loud and then we get really quiet and wait and listen. The waiting is a little scary, but then the echo comes. Our tribe calls back… I hear you. Me too. Me too.
So this new friend read my love letter—she heard my call—and then she called and asked me to come talk about it with her. We sat in her backyard and we talked for a while about God and hope and love and betrayal and service and redemption and miracles. Sometimes, when she was speaking to me I felt a little bit stunned. YES, I’d think. YES, that. Please keep talking. Lord have mercy. You are saying all the things in my heart. We talked for a long time. We talked about the mistake of placing our identity solely inside roles that can change or be taken from us—and how we don’t do that anymore. I told her the only identity I claim these days is Child of God. That’s the name I came in with and that’s the name I’ll go out with. That’s the only role nobody can take from me. That’s the only solid ground I’ve got. Her eyes opened wide and she said: Since I was little I’ve called myself God’s Girl. That’s my name: God’s Girl. I was so sure I was God’s daughter that I always assumed Jesus was my brother.
We didn’t want our talk to end so we walked around her yard for a while and I played with her dogs. And then we sat on her back porch and laughed ‘till we cried. We sat down for dinner together with four of her daughters and several people who live with her that she treats like honored family. She asked me to say grace and I was nervous. We held hands and I worried because my hands were sweaty. We prayed together. Then we talked about the best moments of our lives. She talked about a project she did to bring children in South Africa Christmas gifts. She said that she spent a month ordering every black doll in America and examining each one, making sure it was beautiful enough to give to a child. She told us how there were thousands of kids who received gifts and her team researched the communities where they lived to make sure that every child had his or her name on their gift. That was the best part, she said, saying each of their names. This isn’t just a gift, she’d say: This is a gift for you. For YOU. And then she would look in each child’s eyes and say her name. Names are so important, God’s Girl said to me. Yes. Yes they are, I said.
After dinner she invited me into her office and walked me over to some pretty bookshelves. She pointed at two white frames with ledgers inside of them. They were ledgers from slave auctions. On them were handwritten names with numbers next to each—corresponding to their age and how much each was sold for. Ruby, 12 years old, $5. My friend got quiet and then she said: Sometimes I come here early in the morning and I just say their names aloud. Just to hear them.
Names are so important.
I nod. Yes, I said. Yes.
After that day, we started corresponding a bit. I address her emails: Dear God’s Girl, and I sign them: Love, God’s Girl. We make each other laugh and we remind each other that life is really hard and really beautiful and that sisterhood is just one of the best parts of the whole damn thing. When we don’t know what to say she tells me something Dr. Angelou would have said.
Names are so important. My new friend’s name is Oprah. Oprah is one of us. She is a truth teller and a hope spreader and a Love Warrior. Oprah was one of us long before we were us. She is us.
And here is the interesting thing about how I feel introducing her to you here, about bringing my new beloved friend to this space. I feel nervous. I feel so protective of her. Because sometimes it feels like we have guidelines for how we respect each other but we throw them right out the window when it comes to celebrities. I love my new friend. She is truly one of the most loving, giving, beautiful souls I have ever met in my entire little life. I want my friend to be safe here with us just like you are safe here with us.
Sister Oprah, meet my people. My people, meet Sister Oprah. Please welcome her to our fold with all the love we’ve got.
ALSO: In case you want to watch our backyard conversation, it’s going to be ON THE TV! APPARENTLY THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED!! You guys: If you’d like to, please tune into Super Soul Sunday on OWN on September 11. 
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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154 Comments
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To be God”a girls you must come to Him and represent love on His terms which are full of Grace and Truth. Jesus is the way the truth and the light and no one comes to the Father but by Him… Yhere is a deceptive self seeking love that is not of the true God of the Bible… so much deception of the devil going on here… it grieves me greatly
I first heard of all this in the Oprah magazine a few months ago. I loved the interview. A few days ago I found out my boyfriend of 4 years has been having a flirtatious and sexting relationship with 2 other women. The co-worker more so than the old college gf. So as I’m cleaning my house today trying to stay too busy to think, I came across my Oprah magazine with “could you forgive his cheating heart” Confessions of a Love Warrior. I re-read the article and well, here I am. I was married for 25 years to a wonderful man, until he became an addict. I tried everything to help him but we eventually divorced. I had become friends prior to my divorce with my current boyfriend. Long talks, long walks and bike rides. We decided to take our friendship to the next level and starting dating. I felt safe with him as a friend however on this level I was on guard. It took me a long time to trust he wasn’t going to hurt me. I was 46 and he 31 when we starting dating I was hesitant. We had some ups and downs over the first couple years. But we worked thru them and got stronger. To say that this new revelation has completely devastated me in an understatement. He contacted both of the women in front of me and said he had been wrong and inappropriate with his behavior and that he’s in love with me and would not be contacting them again. He says he will do whatever he has to in order to earn my trust back and repair the damage he has caused. I’m petrified and don’t know what to do. I’m embarrassed to ask my circle of friends or my sister. I don’t want to look like a fool in their eyes. Please help
Hang on, sister. You deserve the very best. Never sell yourself short. We need you.
That sounds really tough 🙁 It does sound like he loves you and is remorseful but who knows if he will do it again. What about if that was okay with you? For him to flirt and sext with other women? This is the sort of relationship I have with my husband and yes we’ve been together for a long time and I trust him so that’s probably why it’s possible for us but it really spices up our sex life and conversations. We have to be careful not to hurt anyone else though, it’s tricky.
I just finished your book Love Warrior and came to so many realizations about myself that I don’t know why or how I didn’t see them before. While I have never struggled with any kind of addiction, I have struggled with self worth and in the past, found many unhealthy ways to make myself feel worthy of anyone’s attention. I have been married now for 11 years and feel more alone than I ever have in my life. It’s hard to communicate to my husband what I need and want when I don’t even know what I need or want. We have been sleeping in separate beds now and that actually makes me feel a little better but I worry about what our boys think. They are 5 and 2 years old. I don’t think that they understand, but my oldest son did call the basement bedroom “mommy’s bedroom” and that both shocked me and made me feel ok with the idea.
One thing that really hit home with me in your book is your lack of desire for sex with your husband or anyone else for that matter. I was taken advantage of when I was younger and developed misconceptions of what a sexual relationship with someone you love should be or feel like. Over the last 3 years, I have pushed my husband away in the romance department and basically built a wall that is not penetrable. I see how much that hurts him but I am not phased much by it because I feel that he has hurt me more by not truly hearing my desperate pleas for equality. I work full-time, spend any free time I have making my boys my priority, on top of running the house (paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning, scheduling appointments/events/activities, etc.). While my husband does more around the house than most husbands do, he will start new projects and then not finish them, which causes me more stress as I am usually the one that finishes them when I don’t have the time for that to begin with. It starts this whole cycle of resentment towards him and I’m right back where I started asking myself “Is it worth staying? Or, am I better off by myself?”
While I am nowhere near the answer to that question, I am more at peace with the fact that I can take some time to breath and then think. Which is what I plan on doing each day until I figure it out. Thank you Glennon for helping me realize that I am a Warrior.
I just finished your book, Love Warrior and planning on starting with Carry On Warrior soon. I am SO thankful for your teachings….YES..your teachings! I think that you have shown the world how to be human again, that’s it’s ok to FEEL and to sit through our pain, that’s life gets ugly and that that’s OK too! And somehow in between all of your words and honesty..you have woven a web that keeps all judgements OUT and allowed us to be human again! THANK YOU! YOU, God’s Girl…you are a TRUE gift!
I am a clinical professional counselor for both substance use and family mental health but more importantly that all of that..I am a mother, a wife, a sister and many other titles. I have been in the midst of my own marital crisis this past couple years after having learned of his infidelities and have sincerely struggled …suffered…through posing questions from others with , “Why do you stay,” or “what on earth are you doing” or other judgements for how others feel I should be doing things. I feel like you have given me the “OKAY” to allow myself to sit through my own pain without having to make decisions right away and you have opened the door for more healing for my soul. Thank YOU for your honesty in everything that you do, thank you for NOT holding back the truths of what’s happening between you and Criag, thank you for the brutal honesty that REAL LIFE has to offer..that we keep trying to cover up with happy endings, or “I’m fine.”
Thank you Michelle, I echo these sentiments completely
Glennon you breathe life into the most simplistic words – what an honor it has been to discover you through MarieTV. This compassionately written story on your new friendship had chills running up and down my arms. Such a beautiful introduction to an amazing human being. Thank you for sharing your gifts with the world and bringing Oprah into the fold. Our arms are open! God bless.
OMG, I think God’s Girl is gonna be next next tattoo!! I saw you on SSS and thought to myself…you’re me!! Your discussion with Oprah was so eye opening for me. Thank you for sharing your story with the world, God Bless you!!
Dear Glennon,
I listened to you on SSS and felt as if I was hearing the words of God-truth. I have never felt so vulnerable or exposed. Your story of addiction was my own. But you showed me that I was strong and worthy of forgiveness and love.
I have just finished your book and I miss your voice. Why can’t we be best friends?
You are my soul sister and I want to thank you for your honesty and truthfulness in light of fear and shame.
Keep talking and writing because we are listening.
Hi
I tried to post a comment here a few weeks ago after I finished Love Warrior but it didn’t get published (I tried reposting and got a message saying I’d already posted it). I’m not sure why. I will try pasting the message below to see if it gets published this time.
This is my first time here. I saw Liz Gilbert and Brene Brown and Oprah promoting Love Warrior so on the day it was released I downloaded a kindle app and read it in two days. It was so beautiful and wise, teachings I’ve read before but you put them differently, in a way that really penetrates.
I’ve been with my husband 20 years and for the first five I had several drunken one night stands. We got married, I stopped getting drunk, we had 3 children, I embraced a moral code and my life flourished like never before. But this year, after 15 years of fidelity, I seduced his best friend, who is the husband of my best friend. And now my life is a mess. Last week I had a “sexting” conversation with a different man in the hope of getting over the friend, who I felt as if I fell in love with after we had sex and who has responded to my further attempts at connection with mixed messages.
I feel like I can nolonger trust myself. One day I am devastated and repentant, begging God to help me, the next I am happy and justifying and minimising my behaviour in a way that feels like it makes total sense.
I feel like I could never be a hero like Craig because I don’t think my husband could handle the truth, he is not violent but has an anger (unresolved grief) problem, I don’t mind if he leaves me but I’m scared he would kill someone or that it would destroy him. The situation is complicated by the fact that one of my justifications for cheating this year was that it dramatically improved our sex life. I persuaded my husband to pay for sex, before I cheated, I told him it’s because the idea of him with another woman turns me on but mostly it’s because I find his constant neediness when it comes to sex overwhelming. He wants us to go to a swingers club. He’s into porn and kinky sex.
A couple of days ago I wanted to have sex with him and because I was reading love warrior I felt angry. I wanted it to be like the sex towards the end of the book, no pretending, no fantasy, a true connection, but I didn’t think this was possible. I told him how I felt and when we had sex it was real, no thinking about other people or dirty talk, and it was amazing.
I think that was the turning point for me. Yesterday I felt suicidal, I haven’t felt like that since I was a teenager. Tonight I am going to my first sex and love addicts anonymous meeting.
Somehow I knew, even before I bought love warrior, that the universe meant it for me, that it was being presented to me at exactly the right time.
Thank you Glennon. Thank you Oprah for bringing all these inspirational people on to our TV screens.
I watched you with Oprah on Super Soul and fell in love, went straight to Amazon, bought both books and was lucky enough to have a long long drive to listen on audio, then fall into bed and read more. Nothing has moved me more. I wrote my blog this week about why it is so important to tell the truth to ourselves, above all. I learned so much, it is going to take me weeks and months to sift through it – yes, it was like a crisis, in a great way, and I’m so excited to sift and learn.
Thank you!
I’m a 47 year old male and I haven’t read LW yet but my wife loved it so much that we attended your Penn Foundation event last night in Pennsyltucky. You were awesome. I am 9 months into my recovery from alcohol addiction and, after last night, a PROUD card-carrying member of the Tribe. It’s the best club I ever joined next to AA. No dues, crushed the entrance exam, the guy to girl ratio is conservatively 1:1000 and it gave me the courage to finally fire my overpaid/underperforming representative. Can’t wait to read your book and give my f-ed up self a big hug. Peace.
Love this! I’ve fired my representative too 😉
I was given your book, Love Warrior, by a man friend. I read it and cried, laughed, and was touched deeply. I identify both as someone who has dealt with addiction and betrayal and one who has healed. This community seems mostly female, though I suspect there are many men who resonate with you. I look forward to hearing more and learning more. I found myself wanting to hear more about Craig and his side of life.
Finished Love Warrior this Sunday afternoon (after attending my first counseling session with an exceptional trauma counselor on Friday morning) and felt hung over. I believe my new counselor is going to help me hold myself accountable for my stuff, teach me to recognize what is mine and what belongs to my other family members and help me better not try and fix their issues.
I was particularly taken with the idea of holding space for a friend or family member to express their grief or pain in. I have an adopted daughter who is a freshman in college and became our foster daughter when she was 17 after experiencing 16 years of the most terrible abuses. She had to leave college in Spring of that first year on a Medical Leave of Absence and come home to deal with the health issues we were unable to get resolved in the year and a half she was with us before college and that leave has stretched into Fall of this year. It’s been a tough time for all of us.
Your book has really helped me see the situation from a different perspective and I am grateful.
Oh dear….as you’ve already flagged, be watchful of your own mind around Oprah, and your emotions. She is an identity thief. With a tendency to make a Clone out of your True Self. A Clone sounds like a True Self, acts like a True Self…but is a False Self that’s just mimicking a True Self.. She’s collected a whole tribe of Clones, people who were once listening to the still, small voice within but have since been co-opted by Oprah.
Gentle, be gentle. People choose what they want and some folks want to follow. I think G is safe in herself and Oprah just wants to share. sometimes we all just need to stay in our own lane and drive forward.