My kid got in trouble at school the other day. We Meltons — we’re mostly good and a little bad.
Said child came home and told us what happened. I called the teacher and she told me what happened. The reports were mostly the same. MOSTLY.
That evening I sent this email to said child’s teacher:
Dear Mrs. ______,
Said child and said child’s father and I have discussed today’s events at length. Said child understands that the following consequences are the result of today’s happenings: [All the things]. Said child knows that if behavior continues, said child will be removed from extra-curricular activities. Said child knows that character is more important to us than academics or sports, so our family plan is to concentrate on character until we get that right. Then we’ll add other things if we’re not too exhausted. We’re just gonna keep the main thing the main thing.
Please know that we are extremely sorry that said child made your incredibly important, already supremely difficult job more difficult today. You’ve been so good to said child and our family and we value your dedication, love, and skill so very much. Please continue to let Craig and me know what we can do to support you. Said child has an apology letter for you that said child will bring tomorrow.
In Gratitude and Solidarity,
The Meltons
P.S. I never got in trouble in school. I’ve been racking my brain and the only plausible explanation I can muster is that this sort of behavior stems from said child’s father’s side. Just thought you should know. I am really a quite lovely person. I am doing the best I can with the people who have been added to me. Thank you for your continued understanding.
The teacher wrote back later to express gratitude and to tell me that the support in our email was different from what she has come to expect from parents. Later that night, I spoke about this to a teacher friend who said, “For the past two years, every time I contact a parent about a child’s behavior, I hear defensiveness, anger, denial, and sometimes dismissiveness or disrespect – but I don’t usually hear support. It’s tough. We have bad days – but most of us are in this because we love kids. We want to see them succeed. We just need the parents’ support. If the parents don’t believe us and respect us, their kids won’t either.”
OH, TEACHERS:
Forgive us. We’re sorry that our fear for our kids gets in our own way. We’re sorry that our worry blinds us from seeing you and valuing you. We’re sorry for forgetting that we’re all on the same team. We’re sorry for having such a hard time trusting.
Teachers: Please know that we support you. You are doing the holiest, hardest work on earth. Nobody is more important than the ones who hold our babies in their hands and hearts all day.
WHEN WE ALL GET TO HEAVEN WE ARE GOING TO STEP ASIDE AND POINT TO THE TEACHERS AND SAY: THEM FIRST! LET THE TEACHERS IN FIRST! SIT THEM DOWN ON PUFFY, COMFY CLOUDS AND GIVE THEM PEACE, COZY SLIPPERS, BREAD AND CHEESE — AND WE WILL GIVE THEM FOOT RUBS AND USE OUR INSIDE VOICES FOREVER! Amen.
Thank you, teachers.
Love,
Us
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
Join Glennon on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram
194 Comments
I’m struck by the writer’s refreshing honesty and empathy towards the teacher’s perspective. It highlights a stark contrast to the typical responses teachers often encounter from parents when addressing behavioral issues.
Excellent article. It is very interesting to read. I really enjoy reading such a good article. Thanks! Continue to promote offline.
whoah this weblog is fanntastic i like reading
your posts. Stayy up the good work! You realize, many people are searching round for this information, you could aid them
greatly.
This blog was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve
found something which helped me. Thanks!
I blog often and I truly appreciate your content.
This great article has truly peaked my interest. I’m going to bookmark your website and keep checking for new details about
once a week. I subscribed to your Feed as well.
Os suplementos termogênicos bom craques nisso.
This paragraph is really a pleasant one it helps new
net visitors, who are wishing for blogging.
Hello, constantly i used to check weblog posts here early
in the dawn, for the reason that i like to find out more and more.
He introduced me to Terence Davies, a man who transmits a
genuine sense of joy, he has a relaxed, heat smile that makes you marvel the place one
earth he can have found all of the struggling he pours into his films.
You actuаlly mаke it seem rеally easy along with your presentation but I to find this matter to be really one thing which I think
I would by no means understand. Ιt ѕeemѕ tⲟo complicated and
verｙ lɑrge for me. I am having a look ahead foг your next post, I will try to get the cling of
it!
BLESS YOU!
I would ♥ to recieve an email like this!
Every now and then – like 1 of every 30 or so – I receive a supportive email. I have stopped answering messages on my school phone because parents call and VENT their anger over the smallest mishaps. Yes, support and character building would go SO SO VERY FAR with us all right now…
Merci!
(from a 20-year veteran middle school teacher who STILL loves her vocation!)
Profession! You are a worthy professional, as was I before retirement. Vocation is a sideline or non- professional. Loved this whole conversation and loved teaching!!!
Judy
A very wise teacher once told me: if you don’t believe ALL the things your child says happen at school, I won’t believe all the things your child says happen at home. Gulp. That made me stop and get the adult’s point of view before reaching a conclusion….
Love this, it made my day.–“mostly good and a little bad” We are the same.
The defensiveness comes from the fact that our kiddos mirror our deepest vulnerabilities. Shy…. shy. Rude… rude. Follower… follower. It stings. Yet still… thank goodness that teachers can hold our babies to a standard above ourselves.
I could not love this more! As a teacher, I tell my parents to believe, but verify. There is usually some truth to what kids come home saying, but often, there is more to the story. It helps to assume the best intentions until you have proof otherwise. We do put our heart and soul into our kids (and they are OUR kids too) and we want the best for them. Sometimes that means having a difficult conversation that we would rather not have, but we know it will help them be better people. Thanks for being so supportive!
My child recently caused his teacher to call me to discuss his behavior. She APOLOGIZED and said she FELT BADLY that SHE WAS GETTING HIM IN TROUBLE.
Now, we all know that she did that because way too many parents have reacted to this sort of call by blaming her. But, still….?!
And yes, I cut her off mid-apology to rant at her that SHE had nothing to apologize for and CHILD had gotten HIS OWN SELF into trouble. But, it still makes me sad that she felt the need to say any of that.
Holding our kids accountable is all at once terribly hard to do and vitally important that we do it. Thank you for the constant reminders and encouragement that we can do the hard things. And for your recent words, “Freedom is: bring it, life. I can take whatever you’ve got for me. And I’ll use it all. I’ll waste none of it.” You do that every day for us readers; you take the bad, the hard, the ick and you use it for good, for better, for love. Carry on, Glennon!!!
We need to ask our kids, “Why did you do this?” NOT ask the teachers, “Why did you get my kid in trouble?” Otherwise we’re creating entitled brats, and powerless, frustrated teachers!