I’m a high school teacher who just finished reading your book, Love Warrior, today. I cried because I’ve never read anything before that made me feel as if the author was staring straight into my soul. I went back and highlighted my favorite passages and plan to use them as “mentor texts” in our writing workshop on memoir.

Today was a difficult day at work. Some kids had a challenging time expressing their emotions in a healthy way. I had to send a kid to the office and I hate sending kids to the office. Getting screamed at by a 15-year-old isn’t a particularly pleasant experience. Although your logical mind tells you it’s not personal, your heart often hears it otherwise.

I found this posting and starting crying all over again. I’m so grateful that there are parents like you in the world. I’ve never had a parent respond to a communication about their child’s troubling behavior like that. Thank you for your kind words.

I feel sorry for teachers today, in addition to all they do they have to deal with the parents too…what a futile battle it is for them to hear that your son’s teacher said that about other parents. Glad your letter gave her support…I would do the same with my children…the child can’t be at fault if the parents are always defending them. Cheers to learning from our mistakes!

Thank you…

Thank you, thank you, thank you from a teacher. Today was our 5th day of school. As my own babies are snug in their beds, my heart and head are full of children I’ve only known for a few days. We do this because we care!

Support of teachers is a hard thing to come by. I stopped teaching children in the public school because I was incredibly stressed and I was often attacked by parents or dismissed by them. I worked in a very difficult school with a lot of discipline issues. I now teach college students and I am a lot less stressed. When I deal with my children’s teachers, I try to remember the issues that I faced as a classroom teacher.

As a teacher, this made my day. Thank you. Thank you so much for using your wit and humor and words to support your child’s teacher. It means a great deal and your little one will learn character from your example (perhaps not your husband’s).

thank you.

Thank you for helping and loving people and many thanks for sharing this heart touching stories.

Hello everyone! Sorry I know this is not even remotely related, but I am looking for a quote from Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy Beautiful Life.

It goes something like this: we think our talents/gifts are supposed to bring us riches and fame….and get disappointed when they don’t.

I have gone just about crazy trying to find it. Please, please post it here!

PS I gotta use it for a blog post about quotes that transformed my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Such a difficult time of year for so many students, and we are seeing a lot of hurt and anger at my school right now. Your post has given many of us a much-needed boost as we try to teach the children, love the children, and show the children that respecting each other really does help make a better world.

My maiden name is Melton…and you are right about us being mostly good and a little bit bad! 🙂

I don’t understand what happened to teachers, parents and any other adult who interacts with a child being on the same team? I really hope my neighbor/coach/teacher does not hesitate to call me and tell me about my child’s behavior. It takes a village! We are in charge. Our children need to be raised to be adults.

I am a teacher. I came to this second career nearly in my 50s. Every day, I thank God that I have meaningful work. I love my students. I love my tough ones. I love my easy ones. Some days, they change places. I love that I sometimes make them cry, not because I am being mean but because I calmly and simply point out that they are not being their best selves, and that simple truth hits home and matters to them. I love that I get to see them accomplish things they didn’t think they could do, and the expression on their faces when they realize their own ability. I love that I get to plant seeds and tend them and maybe some bloom while I see them and often they bloom later.
In fact, we have ourselves a parable going on under our noses in my classroom: When I moved into this classroom, there was a small orchid in a brass pot that I really thought was a fake plant, and so I didn’t water it, and months later, I realized that it was real because one of its leaves had fallen off and two others were looking very precarious and that left only one okay leaf. So I started watering it. All last year, it got some attention, though not perfect attention, because it’s the student’s job to water the plants. This year, I have been careful to explain the care of the many plants I brought in. And now, almost two years after I moved into the classroom, it has a stalk with buds; two days ago, the first opened its intricate little eye and I pointed this out and everyone clapped for our orchid!
I love being a teacher. It is heaven on earth, because it is a zillion miracles a week. You go ahead and take the puffy cloud when we get to heaven, because I already got my blessing on earth.

Glennon, thank you!!
I read this Tuesday and absolutely loved it. And then that night, my son’s teacher called to introduce himself and tell me how my son was doing. And because of your post, I thanked him and complimented him on his insight into my son (isn’t it lovely when other people see the beauty in your children that you see?) and generally made the conversation so pleasant. Then last night, we had PTA for my girls and again, I was so much more conscious about how hard they work. Thank you for sending this message out!
I taught for 11 years, and stopped after the year when I came home crying nearly every day from the disrespect my students showed, which, based on PTA and phone conferences, came from their parents. Now I’m a nurse. And I work in a school (irony) and there they call PTA Portraying Thankfulness and Appreciation. Love it.

Dear Glennon,
I am such a fan of your writing. I enjoy and appreciate your insight. Your willingness to share your flaws and struggles is extremely generous. I have gifted so many of my friends with your Warrior book. Thank you for sharing yourself.

This post is especially precious to me as I am a teacher of 20 years. I love my job but my gracious, some days its is sooooo tough. I am so thankful for the opportunity to professional utilize the gifts God has given me. I am a 1st grade teacher so I consider myself a school Ambassador. I am very passionate about school-community unification. I strive to help my colleagues release the us/them idea of communicating with the home. Each year, I spend 10 months training children to read, write, work with numbers and generally how to do school. I also spend 10 months working to earn the trust of parents. I was told many years ago (before I was a mom) that I must remember that “every parent is sending you the best they have.” When we remember this, will are more capable of being fair, sharing love and modeling understanding. Thank you Glennon for loving on us today. I am moved by your kind words. I am also greatly encouraged by the idea that your influence just might improve how some parent choses to respond the next time their child – gets busted. You are wise and I can’t thank you enough!!! – Kathy

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. A thousand times. I am a new teacher just starting out, and the support and appreciation you show here is so wonderful. I cannot express how much it would mean to me as a teacher to hear that from a parent. I struggle with some kids in my junior high classes, and I can say from personal experience that it makes all the difference in the world to have the parents be working with me to help their child. When we both want to help them and are able to give them support and encouragement at school and at home, changes happen faster and stay longer.

Dear teacher,

We talked to Kid
Sorry Kid acted up

P.S.-It’s Dad’s fault

This is really heartwarming.I am a teacher and it feels good to see so many parents accepting the good work done by the teachers.I teach kids that are around 16 to 18 years old and they are definitely a challenge to both parents and teachers! but today as I let my final year kids graduate from school each one had a hug for me and turned up at my place after school.It is gestures like these that make me go back to the classroom again and again!

Excellent! Once I started homeschooling, my appreciation and respect for teachers went up about 300%. Unsung heroes they are.

Thank you… this is just what I needed to get into the shower and through the next couple of weeks.

Sincerely,
Teacher of Firsties

This dad looks at the note from the mom to the teacher and wonders, in our culture, where the dad is always the bumbling buffoon in today’s sitcoms and movies, how many moms send notes like this to teachers, blaming any misbehavior by their child on the dad? For the record, I’m glad my wife does not do that to me, and we’ve both really tried to keep a rapport with our children’s teachers and taking any behavioral issues seriously. My wife’s also a teacher. I think she does a great job at both parenting and teaching, especially understanding the other side.

When my child was in Taek Won Do, the teacher bowed to the students at the beggining and at the end. Children were expected to do the same, but none otld them so, they learned on their own. Then one of my teacher’s friends came back from teaching in Thailand and told me that over there, teachers are extremely respected, and parents would apologise for anything the child did to make the teacher’s job more difficult.
As we moved on to different activies, my son picked up from the new classmates not saying hi or goodbye to the teacher. We had a talk about waht a great gift it is to have a teacher willing to share his/her knowledge, against bad salary, difficult parents and disprespectful students. He told me he would not bow to the teacher, as this would make him laughing stock in a swimming class, but he shakes hands in the beggining and high fives at the end. Guess its enough 😀
Also, we have made a point on “trying” (not really succeeding) to on time to all classes, out of respect for said teacher. 😀

I raised three boys and received many of these letters and often they were face-to-face as I worked in their schools as a supply teacher (I wanted to know the people who looked after my children when I didn’t have them). The one thing I learned was to make sure I listened to my child’s story before coming to any decision. When my child was guilty of misbehavior, they knew it and they’d admit it and the stories would match the teacher’s. But there were many situations where they would come home from school in a vile mood because what happened that day was just “unfair” and the teacher had different rules for different people, etc… And they were usually dead on. I don’t like having to deal with those kids of teachers because they are never wrong and often at the expense of the children. But In high school I made sure the git good teachers and did everything I could to support and help out no matter what. These teachers made my boys love school for the first time. I think the world needs more people like these, specially in the formative years because it goes a long way towards how your child will view the world. Mine weren’t privileged nor entitled kids, but they would fight for the underdog, even if it meant taking on the teacher.

You had me at inside voices. (I teach middle school). Thank you for this encouragement.

Thanks, Glennon! What an uplifting post. I have to say, while I have certainly received unpleasant communications from parents, most of the parents I deal with are wonderful. Even when I have to call home about something unpleasant, I inevitably am thanked for taking the time. After reading all these other posts from teachers I feel lucky.

Since having my daughter (she’s two) I feel more compassionate toward parents as I make these calls. I always knew I was contributing to someone’s lousy day with a call like that, but now I am better able to put myself in the parent’s shoes. I consider the *tiny* possibility that this parent loves their kid just as much as I adore mine — it makes a huge difference in my ability to work with the parent as an advocate for student success and as a problem-solver. I also find that if I imagine how much a student is loved by his or her parents, I find that my relationship with even the most difficult student will begin to improve. I don’t know why they would start behaving better after I reframe my thinking about them, but it works like magic!

When I was a child going through school, my father told me if I got into trouble at school I would get it twice as hard when I got home and THEN he would ask questions. I was afraid of him and did not get into trouble at school.
When my children were in school, I told them I did not care what their grades were, I cared what their effort was. If they were giving all their effort and getting poor grades we would find the right help. If they were giving poor effort and getting all the grades, I would still come down hard on them. It’s about doing all the work for which they were responsible. God Bless the teachers and the parents!

I don’t even have words for how much I appreciate this post!!! I wish so much that I was any one of your children’s teacher! I taught 10 years in one of the toughest schools in my city, and I loved my students like they were my own. They were my school family, and I was their “school mama,” and there were frequent conversations with parents that were defensive and scary, but when we got right down to it, we all wanted what was best for those kids. I teach at a Head Start now, because it’s close to my home and I can be there when my own children come home from school, and it’s the most fun ever. Thank you so much for your words, and for the influence they will have over the hearts and minds of the parents of our most precious gifts.

Well.
I read this and cried at the kitchen table. As a high school teacher of almost two decades, your post touched me deeply. I know that parents are their child’s advocate. I know this, and I think it is good. I do. (Really, I do.)
And yet …
…so often I feel on the defense, because advocates don’t always remember what it’s like to be a kid and have your back against the wall. (I was rarely in trouble, but do remember “stretching” the truth in my favor.) If I had received your letter, G, it would be framed on my desk. Thank you for sending that letter. I know your child’s teacher will treasure it.
Just today, one of the hardest-working teachers I know received a condescending you-aren’t-doing-your-job email from a parent. This parent’s child received a zero for (very obviously) cheating on a test … and yet that hard-working teacher (a working mother, herself) let the child “retest” during class before the parent email was even sent. The zero didn’t even stick … but the parent chose to belittle the teacher rather than take the child to task.
It’s discouraging, to be sure. My greatest worry is not for my friend (she shrugged it off, because she knows this is not her mistake), but for the child. That child is learning that cheating doesn’t land you in jail, and that cronyism pays off. As she is only a freshman, I hope her parent “gets it” soon. Her teacher is tremendously devouted to her students (working through lunch and well after school before taking home what needs to be graded—plus at least one unpaid week of leading workshops each summer).
Related tagent: When I was in 5th grade, a teacher-error had me serve a punishment I did not deserve–writing “I will not slam my songbook in chorus” 100 times. I tearfully pleaded my case to my mother. Her response? “Life’s not fair. Write the sentences.” And I did, with a great amount of frustration. The result? This white, privileged, middle-class girl learned what it was like to serve an unjust sentence. That one moment led me to such empathy. Those who lack power often write sentences they don’t deserve. While I 100% understand fighting for your child in cases that matter, children also need to learn there is a heirarchy … and that you need to work toward validating your cause. (In my state, validation for extra-curricular teachers requires 40 hours of work—that does not include extra pay. It’s a valid lesson.)
Which brings me back to your letter of support.
Your letter, my friend, made me laugh and cry at the same time. I know MOST parents feel the way you do, but it is so validating to see it online!
Thank you.
And I’m sorry if this is rambling … I don’t expect you to post it. Just wanted to THANK you 🙂

Thank you for this post. It made my teacher heart grow three sizes today. Support from parents when there are consequences to be faced by their child is, indeed, rare. Thank you for being a parent who is willing to go the extra mile in making sure that your child grows up respectful & responsible and not rude & entitled.

As a high school teacher, 3 weeks before Christmas break, I wish I could say that my classroom is full of the holiday spirit all day long, mostly it’s just full of whining. Whining about how much work I’m making them do or whining about how they didn’t get the new iPhone they wanted even though they already have a very nice iPhone or whining about how hard it is to work a job after school and still keep up with their social life (nevermind their academic life). I could go on, but you get the idea. Thank you for working to raise one of the non-whiners, the ones who know what hard work means because it’s modeled at home.

Thank you for being an awesome parent.

As a retired elementary public school teacher for 35 years I appreciated this post so very much. My own parents thought my conduct grade was more important than my academic grade. It showed respect for my teacher and a reflection of my upbringing. They always listened to both sides of any school issues but sided with the teacher. I was born to teach! I never doubted my love for this profession. I honestly noticed a big change in parent’s attitudes about teachers about ten years ago. Followed by the student’s attitude about teachers, of course. There was such an obvious lack of trust and respect that it bothered me. Society has changed and the administration is worried more about law suits and test scores than learning! My teaching philosophy was to learn while having fun! Well, there wasn’t enough time for both! I decided to retire because I wasn’t respected as a human being or a teacher! I love my students and miss them tremendously but not the attitude that society has placed on good teachers! Thank you for sharing the post and God Bless America.

Thank you from the bottom of my (middle school teacher) heart, G! Your kids’ teachers are so lucky to have you as a supportive parent!

Thank you also, as a Kindergartner ‘s mom, for showing me the way…after teaching for 18 years, it’s awfully different to be on the other side, as the parent. I appreciate your wise advice!

The part of teaching I hate is emailing parents about behavior. I honestly feel like a failure if the kids misbehave to that point. Then for it to be followed by a reply with excuses or no reply or the child tell me the parents said it was not a big deal.

I don’t want the kids beat but teach them respect! Make them own up to their wrongdoings is all I want.

I have a saved email on my computer of a similar letter I sent to the principal of one of my children’s schools. I didn’t realize the impact it was going to make.

Here is my letter and the principal’s response (edited for anonymity)

>>> 1/26/2010 11:58 PM >>>

Hi (principal),

Gratitude is the sum of what I feel for all the hard work and long hours you and everyone else at (school name) have invested in my (child’s) life during (my child’s) time at your campus. Nothing has been wasted. Nothing has been lost. Gain is all I see when I look at the overall experience. (My child is) walking away from (school name) a better student and a high achiever because of the efforts of each and every staff member there, including the ones (my child) and I both disagreed with from time to time. I do believe that (my child) will realize the value of it all sooner than later in (my child’s) life as God continues to surround (my child) with strong spiritual influences. I just believe that God’s got (my child). That’s all I can really say. And that’s all I will allow myself to say concerning (my child). Knowing that death and life are in the power of the tongue. I choose to only speak life for (my child) because I love (my child). And well, God is broadening my perspective on this truth for other people I encounter on a day to day basis too, even those I don’t agree with. We all sharpen each other, whether we realize that or not. That’s what we do. We all need each other. (My child) needed (school name). (My child) was at the right place, at the right time. I am very happy to see (my child) moving on, even though (my child) may not completely deserve it. I thank God I’m not getting in life what I really deserve. Only by the grace of God. That’s something we all need.

Thank you for everything,

my signature 🙂

Principal’s response:

You don’t know how much I needed this when I got to work this morning! It was an answer to my prayers. Yesterday was a particularly difficult day and I woke up this morning wondering if I could really keep doing this job. I have always known that this is what God intended for me to do with my life, but there are times when I need a reminder from Him. Thanks for taking the time to allow God to speak through you, to encourage me! My attitude has been adjusted and my spirit has been renewed!

Have a blessed day!

PS. I have shared your e-mail with the rest of the staff. I know they will be equally encouraged by it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, now running down my cheeks. After the day I had at school I REALLY NEEDED to hear this. Thank you so much for your words and your support. You’ll never know how much this teacher needed this TODAY. <3

Thank you so much for writing this. I actually got teary at the end! I taught for a few years and took this year off and am subbing, and parents were my main source of anxiety. I was afraid to check my email. Your support means the world to all teachers.

I am a middle school music teacher. I try to call home for good reasons as well as bad reasons. Like most of the other teachers here, I have been on the receiving end of lots of unhappy phone calls (mostly after auditions for something) but I have also been shown great love by many families. I also call/e-mail home when I have something good to say. It is sad how many parents are shocked when they get a positive phone call.

I have to admit, when I saw in your Facebook post that your child got in trouble and you called the teacher, I immediately tensed up, even given all that I know about you. Almost every time a parent has called me in response to their child’s misbehavior it has been to defend their child and reprimand me. It’s honestly one of the worst parts of the job. Thank you, thank you, thank you for modeling for parents a different way of responding. I love my students. I want them to be better people too. What if we worked together, teachers and parents, to make that happen?

This tired teacher is reading this and wondering where such a parent would be. I am teaching 4th graders and dealing with middle school type behavior (bad language, sexual talk). I so wish there were parents who cared deeply about character. This group of kids needed me to explain what the word “conscience” meant when we read it in a story. How good to know that all of the world is not like the slice of it I am dealing with this year.

I’ll be honest, this irks me. Teachers have an incredibly important job. So do doctors. And nurses. So do farmers who make our food. So do social workers. Same with foster parents, lawyers, tellers, mechanics, scientists and the list goes on. We need every job to make the world a good and safe place in which to raise children from zero into adulthood and then to make the world a good place for healthy adults. There is no “most important job in the world” because we all need each other. *sigh* End rant.

Ps. Everyone deserves our respect and as a parent, teachers should be treated well for the direct role they play to your child. Awesome response and great point about working together with teachers.

It all goes back to relationships. The teachers who spend time building relationships with students and parents don’t have trouble. If all you do is call when things are bad, you will never have support. No one wants that. Teachers-take time for all the details-not just problems. Parents-listen first and be supportive to your child and the teacher. By the way, I am a 21-year education veteran and have worked as a math teacher, assistant principal and principal and by being positive and building relationships, I have been able to have a happy career and have avoided most problems.

As one who supervises college academic advisors, please also pray the same benediction for those serving incoming freshpeople–many of whom come with hovering mothers and fathers who think their baby can do no wrong. I receive phone calls in waves, complaining that an advisor has mislead their precious and how could s/he? and now we’ve ruined everything for said student. 9 times out of 10 I find that the darling student has neglected to include information they share with said parents that would implicate the student in his/her own demise. Students don’t study, they don’t take good advice given, they sometimes flat out tell a parent the opposite of what is true at the expense of the people who are working their tails off to support and love students through their college years. Please, parents, remember those who work w/your adult children too!

When we all get to heaven, it would never work out that way, because ALL the teachers I know would step aside, and say, “Oh no! Please let the children go first. They have had a long journey and are hungry and tired.” But they are secretly hoping that when they finally get seated on their cloud, there will be wine to go with the bread and cheese!

Beloved is an 8th grade Algebra teacher in the city. He doesn’t even talk about his days anymore because they’re so hard. He routinely gets nominated for local teacher awards so I know his job isn’t hard because he’s not a good teacher. He pushes his kids to do well. Not just as students but as human beings.

My youngest just got in trouble for talking too much (and too loudly) about farting. I sent her teacher this: “I’m sorry that daughter caused a disturbance today. We have talked about her behavior and ours/your expectations while in school and what is and is not inappropriate. However, I do feel it’s necessary to share that we are fostering a Boston Terrier with the worst flatulence in the world so fart conversations are prevalent in the household at the moment. She understands that those conversations should stay at home and most likely will need another reminder.”

Her response? She told me it made her day and she will be keeping it as a reminder to keep some things light and funny.

Always love your posts and reminders to remember the important, positive things in life.

As a teacher, I have been yelled at, cursed at, accused of all sorts of vile things, had death threats from both parents and kids. When I had to call home, I always started with the child explaining why I am calling and to remind them that I am on their side. I also ended all my call sessions by calling a parent to thank them for raising such a great kid. This helped me end these sessions on a good note. I always loved the shock in their voices that a teacher was calling with positive things. I also tried to call parents who probably didn’t get many of the positive ones. I have been out of teaching for 3 years now for medical reasons. I miss the kids like crazy but I don’t miss those angry parents or my horrible administrators…..who can be worse than those parents and allow said parents to abuse their staff…….oh don’t get me started!

Almost every year, I find an amazing teacher who gives me hope and keeps me going with the challenges that I have faced getting my son IEP services. He has ADHD (not diagnosed until 2nd grade), a high IQ, and normal boy wiggle type issues. My mother-in-law taught kindergarten for 33 years and she warned me that my son was not mature enough and perhaps, I should give him the “gift of time” and have him repeat kindergarten. I did not listen to her because academically, he had the material mastered. How could I make him repeat?

I feel so blessed that as I battled with the school to recognize the issues, there were teachers along the way that showed me they saw my son, really saw him for the amazing person he was.

Now, he is in 7th grade, taking high school algebra, and in an advanced STEM program. I am so thankful for those teachers along the way. Thank the teachers in your child’s lives, but we as the parent, need to recognize when our kid is in the wrong or perhaps, the teacher is in the wrong. I am sure that in second grade my wiggly boy was annoying, but it was because he was finished before everyone else and bored waiting for the next activity. Help me find a way because just complaining to me that my kid is annoying does not provide me with direction on how to fix it.

As a teacher, I can guarantee that email made her day. As a parent, I sent a note like that to my daughter’s first grade teacher once, because she was a new teacher and I thought she might like the encouragement. Not only did she print it out and keep it above her desk, but I just got a message from her saying again how much she appreciated it–seven years later! We teachers, even the ones in the best of working conditions, are working our hearts out every day for your children, and so often, we feel invisible.

I, too, am sitting at my middle school teacher desk, trying to work up the courage to call some parents. Your post stopped me in my tracks. The student I need to call about is drowning and full of anger. He rudely rebuffs any offers of assistance, no matter how I try to sneak them in. I am so afraid that when I call his parents tonight to offer help and seek collaboration, I will be met with more of the same discouraging anger and rudeness. I will hold this post close as I dial that phone! Thank you!

I am a mother AND a teacher. I feel like I have seen it all. My take is that children will make mistakes, and that is part of their normal development. In the presence of a special need, those “mistakes” might be more disruptive, more frequent, etc. Our role, as adults, is to help children grow and mature, become balanced individuals and responsible citizens. That is only possible if we both 1) treat kids with respect 2) have expectations. All in a context of 1) flexibility and love and 2) firmness and structure. I find that a lot of parents focus on the respect, flexibility and love, and forget about the expectations, firmness and structure. Parents seem to think this will benefit the child, but I see it hurting the child in a lot of cases. It’s all about the balance!

A tired teacher now has tears in her eyes after reading this, thank you!

Here is a note I sent to my daughter’s middle school teachers in September:

Hi,

I am writing this email to tell you that I am a terrible, horrible, mean, no good mother 🙂

Name of daughter wanted me to write a note this morning as she had trouble with her computer last night and could not finish her assignment. I cannot remember which class it was for (I think History) so I am writing it to all of you.

Yesterday she was at a friend’s house and was told to come home by 6:30pm. I received a text from her asking is she could stay until 7pm as they were working on homework. I said yes, but that when she got home she needed to show me what was due and what she had completed. When she got home 1 assignment she said she could not finish because she left it at school (I believe that was English). Then it took her 3 hours to complete the rest of her homework. I went to bed at 10pm and she was typing something up. Well this morning I tried to get her up starting at 6:15am and she did not get up until 7am when I was walking out of the door for work. She precedes to tell me that something happened with her computer last night and she could not complete her homework and needs a note. She pulled up her Google account to show me the error and I told her:
1) if you had finished your homework when you should have last night, I would have been able to help you
2) your father was still up when you were having trouble and since he is the IT guy, you could have asked him
3) if you needed my help you should have gotten up at 6:15 not when I was walking out the door as I have told you over and over again that I cannot help you after 6:50am in the morning as I have to catch a bus
4) this is your homework and your problem and you cannot make this other people’s problems

So long story short, she did not get her homework done, I was called all of those names above, and it is her homework and her problem. Maybe I am a mean mother, but she has to learn to take responsibility for her work.

If you have any questions, let me know.

Have a good day!

It takes a village to raise a child. For a lot of children (not all, but a lot) they spend more time with their teachers and school personnel than their own parents. Thank God for teachers who care enough to consider these precious babies their own for the short time each day they have them! Thank God for Godly, Christian teachers who daily seek to have positive influence over our children!

I have three of my own, (two in college and one a HS Senior). I have always taught them that they are to show respect at all times to the school authority. They have slipped up and I have responded to the teachers and administrators in much the same way. Spot on, Glennon!

I’m a bit worried about the direction this has taken. “I listen to my kids but believe the teacher” Huge red flag. Teaching our kids that their perspective is not valued or believed is the root of so much abuse and bullying in our culture. I want my kids to respect and obey authorities, but that does not mean I always support the teacher no matter what. I need my child to know that when they are being hurt, physically or emotionally, they can talk to me and trust that they will be believed.

Thing is, about 80% of the time my child (who is on the autism spectrum) gets in trouble it is because of misunderstandings. Usually it involves her getting bullied and when she is pushed to the breaking point and yells, or cries, or retreats into doodling to calm herself – she is the one in trouble, her side is never heard, and she receives the message that trying to stick up for herself is inappropriate and she just needs to learn to shut up and take it. This is worsened by when she goes and tries to tell the teacher what is going on she gets told that maybe if she was more normal the other kids would accept her more and when I inquire I am told that my daughter must be imagining things (more than one teacher has said things along these lines).

I want my child to be heard and believed and not gaslighted into accepting abuse no matter who is doing it (aware or not).

So maybe I’m the defensive mom. I do my best to support the teachers and their decisions. I am not always defending my child and she and I have many talks about her intended actions versus how others perceive and assign motive to them. I don’t go tearing down teachers and making their lives harder by complaining about everything. But I do not jump straight into the whole I will always support and believe the authority figures in my child’s life over my child. I’ve seen how badly children can be hurt by such such attitudes on the parent’s part and I will not be the one modeling to my child that her words do not count if someone with more power says otherwise.

Thank you! My all-time favorite response after a call home to a parent: “I don’t call you when my kid is a jerk at home, so don’t call me when he’s a jerk at school”!

I received similar news about my never in trouble child…. I was surprised. She had a major meltdown worried, that this poor choice would reflect on her forever. Funny, I thought of you this morning, and what you might say in a similar situation. I told her that this did not define her and that while difficult to admit your wrongs, it feels better and you get past it. You can do hard things! Thx G, from a fellow struggling Mama.

Glennon, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I have been a teacher for a long time and can tell you that supportive parents are such an encouragement. Your praise for teachers makes me so happy and will give me a little boost today as I teach kindergartners this morning and middle school math this afternoon.

I have a son who had an IEP from first grade all through senior year of high school. I would start every year by telling his teacher/s and administrators that we were all on the same team, Team Boy, and how we could try to make him successful. I have two sisters who are teachers and I know how difficult it is for them when parents think their children are perfect. While my son’s success was iffy at times, communication with the school was always great. I think it would be great if every parent would step up and show personal responsibility and respect from day 1 of each school year. The winner is your child.

“…we are all on the same team.” As a 30 year veteran teacher, this is how I always felt! “Team Kids” – why else would we teachers be there. We have a need to help and made a CHOICE to be in the classroom. Thank you so much for your kind words and action. I can’t get rid of my goosebumps from reading your post. I am now retired from teaching, but I am still passionate about kids. You can’t take that out of a teacher!!

As a teacher of tough, scared, hormonal kids with parents just trying to figure it out and do their best who have been beaten down – I know where most of the defensiveness and accusatory behavior stems from but it’s nice to hear the support – Thank you! And to the other teachers on here – it’s hard but keep trying – they (our students) are all worth it!

I’m a high school teacher and have a middle school aged daughter, and I just want to thank you for your gentleness and grace.

I can’t help but think the defensiveness, etc. of parents comes from the external pressure we feel to be perfect through our kids’ perfection. If our child has erred, obviously WE have done something wrong. At least that’s what media/social media/ mommy blogs/ how-to-raise-perfect-kids books seem to tell us. It’s nice to have this blog (and a few others) remind us that it’s no big deal when a kid messes up, no one is a horrible person, we’re all just learning.

Thank you once again for giving an amazing model of how we can partner together. We have had our first notes home from the teacher (in KINDERGARTEN! For the love!). I start with this idea in mind at the beginning of the year and it’s helpful to be reminded when you get that ball in your stomach dreading hearing what horrible things your child did. I LOVE this example and YOU!

You are a rare gem. My husband has spent the last 30 years in the field of education…starting as a substitute, to a middle school teacher, and now a high school administrator. He will tell you that in that time, he has not only seen a decline in the respect and support of teachers and administrators, but a incline in the “everyone else is to blame” mentality. The stories that he comes home with make me sad. I am forever amazed at the stamina and will of todays teachers and staff. They put up with so much and still, everyday, come back for more. Thank you for supporting your teacher and showing your child that they are responsible for their own behavior. My wish is that more parents take your lead!

Oh Glennon! We Monkees get it, don’t we. I listen to my kids but then I believe the teacher. Over and over, my child has neglected to tell me an important part and I have been lucky enough over the years to write neutral, asking information emails instead of accusing emails and it has served me SO well. I don’t tell my boys they are lying or anything, but maybe ask questions after they tell me their versions because I know we all see things through our subjective views.

This year, my youngest is requiring me to be fairly involved due to performance, not behavior and I have noticed that his teacher thanks my profusely, whenever she gets the chance. These poor teachers. I miss the days when parents were worried about what the TEACHERS thoughts, instead of now when teachers have to worry about what PARENTS think!

Just another teacher commenting… this brings tears to my eyes. Probably the most difficult and frustrating things about my job is when parents don’t have my back. You are awesome.

I am a 7th grade teacher, and this week has been rough. I just read this during my plan period and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you thank you thank you.

This teacher loves you and loves your email. Thank you!

My husband is a teacher. A great teacher. He has always loved his job and his students adore him. However, it has gotten harder and harder over the last few years. I have watched him become more and more discouraged. This morning he told me he feels defeated. Why are we doing this to our teachers? It’s exactly as your child’s teacher stated: “Every time I contact a parent about a child’s behavior, I hear defensiveness, anger, denial, and sometimes dismissiveness or disrespect – but I don’t usually hear support”. Teachers receive little or no support from the administration either. So now we are counting the days until he is eligible for retirement and can find a second career. And another great teacher will leave the profession because he is too defeated to continue. Breaks my heart.

Thank you for your awesome response to your child’s teacher. Wish more parents were like you!

As a mom of three (and the oldest is a charming con man with an extremely high IQ and ADHD for days), I’m also proud to be a teacher of 20 years. Being a mother has made me a much better teacher. I know, I know. It’s not necessary to be a parent to be a good teacher. But I can tell you from personal experience that having my own children has changed my teaching for the better. I make a pledge every day to treat the students in my class as if every child were my own precious child, and show the patience and high expectations that I try to show my own. Many discipline issues can be handled with a sense of humor and a dash of common sense. Do parents need to know every little nit-picky thing their child did? No. Some of them we just handle in house. No need to take the issue further. Also, I make sure to send a good note home with each child each month. When I started doing this, I started looking at the children differently. Instead of constantly being on alert for misbehavior, I was searching for the little amazing things that the kids do. Our discipline issues plummeted. Once you’ve built a positive relationship and partnership with the parents, it makes it easier when there is a problem. Work with your child’s teacher. If you receive a note or email or phone call, maybe you can change the climate with the way you word your response. Teachers are under so much pressure inside and outside the classroom, with constantly changing standards and methods and the pressures of testing. I know my oldest son sometimes got on his teachers’ last nerves. When teachers contacted me, I sympathized with them and we talked about strategies that worked and didn’t work and what to try next at home and at school. Even when I felt like the teachers were not being fair, I learned something–we want the same things. We want your child to be the best he/she can be.

I was a school bus driver when on-board cameras for buses first started coming out. There was much argument over whether cameras would help improve students’ behaviour, and whether they would be worth the expense. I pointed out that they probably wouldn’t alter kids’ behaviour much-but they’d be a GREAT help in dealing with the PARENTS. Nearly every time I had to report a student’s behaviour, the parents’ reaction was some variation on “my kid would NEVER do that!”
(For the record: I DON’T advocate video cameras in classrooms, in case anyone thinks that I was trying to make that point. The classroom and the school bus are two very different environments.)

Thank you. This made me cry. Too often it seems like parents and teachers hate us for trying to do what we think is right, and it is so nice to hear someone appreciate it. Your child’s teacher is very lucky indeed.

Thank you for sharing this and for all of your continued support of teachers. They work so hard and don’t get enough money or credit. I just had to write a similar letter to my daughter’s teacher yesterday. But I found that when I kept the tone light and expressed our commitment to support both our child and the teacher, the response was 100% positive. Teachers are the unsung heroes of the world. Bless them!

Sitting at my desk in my middle school classroom with so much appreciation for your letter. I receive these kinds of letters more often than the unsupportive ones, and I realize how blessed I am to have families that support me. I certainly don’t teach 13-14 year olds for the salary or the accolades. I teach them because I love their little (ok, big) selves – becoming grown up people while simultaneously needing a hug or a sticker on their paper once in awhile. I’ve hugged sweet girls while they cry on my shoulder right in the middle of the hallway. I have (nearly) grown boys tell me about their weekends in ways they would never share with their own parents. I’ve had students show me their parents’ mug shots that they found online while trying to complete an assignment about family. I’ve shed tears when a student who struggles daily sent me a short email that said he enjoyed the day’s lesson. I’ve had my heart broken by kids who come to school hungry or without the money to pay for the fun things that middle school offers. I work in a low income school, so those heartbreaking moments are many. Thank you for always being a cheerleader for teachers, Glennon. Much love.

And the choir said, “Amen”.

THANK YOU!
As a teacher, this made me cry. I have not had many supportive interactions with parents, and to know that they are out there gives me hope.

This made me cry. I’m a teacher. A teacher who LOVES her students, who spends 4 digits of her own money each year on school supplies and there was so much of this I related to. When I email home or call about the behavior of a child and the parent blames me, it’s so difficult. I’ve cried after getting off the phone with a parent who blamed me for the behavior of their child. The email you sent is the kind of email every teacher dreams of. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Oh THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
Being married to a teacher and having many teacher friends, I hear the stories! And honestly, I would never have the patience to “parent” other people’s children. I have enough just dealing with our two teenage boys daily!
I love this…and will be sure to share with him!
<3 <3 <3

It must be so frustrating to be a teacher who tries to very hard to help mold them and is met with defensive behavior from parents. I wrote this earlier this school year: “We were very disappointed to learn *son* earned a detention. He has never been in trouble at school before, so we are concerned and upset. If there a time that would be convenient for me to speak with you for a few minutes about his behavior in class? And anything you are aware of that we should know about to help him get back on the right path?” She reiterated in the conference that our participation and support not only helped him get on track, but made her feel supported and she appreciated it so much. He was then chosen the next month to represent his entire grade at the Veterans’ Reception. P.S. What we did to help him get on track was give him the “opportunity” to think about how his disruption impacted his classmates and teacher while he spread 10 bags of mulch. P.S. He had thrown a checker against the board, trying to hit a specific spot, on a dare during indoor (rainy weather) recess.

In a somewhat different line of thinking … as I get older my views have really changed. I think sometimes, getting in maybe just a little bit of trouble isn’t such a bad thing. As a child I really never did get in trouble … like ever … as in I wanted to please people and be “perfect” and maybe if I had I wouldn’t have carried so much of that with me into adulthood. Maybe it’s really okay to learn that we all make mistakes and learn how to recover from them at an earlier age. So, while “said child” needs to learn some lessons and have some consequences, maybe “said child” is just helping him/herself out for the future.

Teachers are awesome.

Love this! And I totally laughed at your P.S. Your subtle humor keeps me coming back for more (very important!) lessons! xo

I get all starry-eyed when I talk about my daughter’s preschool teacher. She has such an important job; she is helping my sweet girl learn to be a better, more loving, more giving person. We LOVE Ms. Renee. She definitely has a tough job (4 year olds are CRAZY), and I am thankful every day that she suits up & shows up to ensure that our kids don’t show up to kindergarten behaving like feral goats. Thank God for teachers. <3

Loved this. And I totally laughed at your P.S. I really appreciate how you infuse your subtle humor. It keeps me coming back for more (very important!) lessons. xo

You are such a wonderful parent. I taught kindergarten and first grade for 15 years and wish I was blessed to have you or your kiddos be part of my classroom community. It’s letters like yours that keep teachers going. God bless.

We do take a pounding. But now I am on the other side of the phone calls and emails and nothing has been more enlightening than beginning to understand the emotion behind the response. Like getting a bad news email at dinner time. Or a phone call one week past the failed test. Or call at work because this must be handled NOW. I did that stuff when I was teaching because I just didn’t know the ball-up mamas get in their stomachs after phone calls like that. Or that if you make it to 5 pm with no bad news that makes it a pretty good day. I could have done better as well.

My kids have had 22 years of teachers. That’s 12 for one, and 10 for the other. 80% have been wonderful, 5% have been understandably exhausted and burned out, and 15% have been superhuman. Every single year, I look for opportunities to support these men and women, primarily by sending emails or notes about comments made by my child about their skills or curriculum. I make a goal to send an email to each teacher at least twice a semester – that takes effort and good listening, especially for the ones that are not their (or my) favorite. I do it anyway. I especially love to tell them about times that the teacher managed a character issue effectively.

Three times (THREE TIMES) I have received emails saying that my comments came on extremely dark days, and once I had a teacher bring up an email that I had sent 5 years before nearly word for word.

People, ask your child about the good stuff, and cycle it back to the teacher. They need it. Desperately.

One of mine (9 yrs old) just went to school a week ago with a handwritten note of apology for her teacher, along with a full sheet of paper filled with “I will tell the truth” handwritten as many times as she could fit on the paper. I did not send a beautifully written email to the teacher, but did speak with her briefly, and pledged to work on teaching my daughter how to change. It’s hard to swallow pride and accept my responsibility in the process.

This is awesome. And I have to say, the support staff need to be let into Heaven alongside those teachers, because many, many times I’ve seen the Ed. Asst’s and even the lunch ladies etc go totally above and beyond their job description. And none of them get cards and presents and gratitude like the teachers do.

This comes as I just sent a letter to my child’s teacher last night and just got off the phone with her. Unfortunately, for us, the way things are going right now are not working for our child. I likely placed too much blame. I think I will send a little something in to show how much we do appreciate what she DOES do! Thank you for this.

Nice letter but two comments:
– Sports and extra curriculum also builds character so you should be caution in taking the child away from those activities.
– Was the P.S. necessary? With the message on the P.S. you’re almost taking away the whole message. Vulnerability and being truly sorry is compromised…You’re saying you’re sorry but also making yourself look good (“I am really a quite lovely person”) and blaming the father’s side (“I’ve been racking my brain and the only plausible explanation I can muster is that this sort of behavior stems from said child’s father’s side”). Just didn’t think the P.S. was necessary.
But completely agree with you. Teachers should get the support from parents in this scenario.

Dear Glennon, I loved your email. My 25 year old daughter is a high school Biology/Chem teacher. She wanted to only teach high school. I hope someday (soon!) she would get a letter like yours
to bolster her and let her know she really is where she needs to be and she’s doing all the right things! Her second year of teaching, I want her to be able to have many more.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love cheese, and bread! And I would love his parents were just a little bit as understanding and supportive as you are! I teach in high school and I know that kids have tough days but when I contact parents and they blame me, it just makes those days so much tougher and I know that it will have a long-term impact on the kids if they don’t learn responsibility for their actions and that makes me so sad. 🙁

This is wonderful. On behalf of all teachers – Thank you. I can honestly say that I am blessed with wonderful parents of my students. I have the benefit of teaching in a Christian Montessori school where we try to model respect as much as possible and expect our parents to do the same. But I know that most teachers don’t have that advantage. It is our privilege to love and nurture your children during the day.

As an elementary school teacher for 7+ years I have been blessed to have almost all parents be very supportive in situations of conflict. Some of the responsibility of how the situation is handled is mine as well, if I call a parent and tell them their child is a great kid (and they are) who just made a mistake…they usually are very understanding and willing to work together to resolve the issue. No parent wants to think their child is trouble.

As the wife of a teacher, I must thank you. There’s so much to love about this letter. Yet I also feel it important to caution against pulling kids out of extracurriculars as a form of punishment. While this threat might work well with kids who are mostly good and only a little bad, for teens with more serious behavior and motivation issues, it could be a really unwise move. Extracurriculars are often where students have a chance to pursue what they are really interested in and can even turn into a career path. Activities keep the difficult teen in a peer group of motivated kids who are good role models, and they take up time that would otherwise be spent getting into trouble. I’ve seen parents pull kids out of the activities they love because of grades and behavior issues, then watch those kids hit rock bottom. Guide your kids, but don’t squelch their spirits.

This made me cry. I try to be so supportive and positive when I deal with my boys’ teachers because I have gotten so so so many nasty grams. Please know that this teacher most likely printed this and will keep it to look back on when the days are tough. High Five to you!

yes

Testify Sister G. I love my kids teachers and all the administrators at my littles school. They are amazing people and I am so thankful for them!!!

Oh Glennon… on behalf of teachers everywhere, thank you. I read your post at school while trying to get up the strength to contact some parents. Now I’m crying – but in a good way. Thank you.

I love this! I’m sending it to my child’s amazing teach right now!

Yes! Yay! Whenever I step in to volunteer at my kids’ school (and it’s not often enough) I walk away wiped, and in utter gratitude that there are these people walking the earth who choose to spend all day with little sticky humans because they so believe in the power of learning and guidance. A huge round of applause for teachers, teachers, everywhere!

This makes me want to put my head down and weep. In the five years I spent teaching and running a before and after school program, I never once got an email like that. I got plenty of accusatory phone calls and emails. So many that I’m completely desensitized. I left teaching to have babies and I don’t think I’ll ever go back. I’m so grateful to those who go back or never leave. Thank you for your tireless efforts to recognize teachers and their endlessly hard and heart-breaking work. <3