“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” ― Thoreau
So why not just laugh now? – G
“If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?” — Unknown
Recently I posted a picture of myself in my kitchen, and I immediately started receiving generous messages from people wanting to help me “update” it. Along with their messages came pictures of how my kitchen could look, if I’d just put some effort and money into it.
I’ve always loved my kitchen, but after seeing those pictures I found myself looking at it through new, critical eyes. Maybe it was all wrong. Maybe the 80’s counters, laminate cabinets, mismatched appliances and clutter really were mistakes I should try to fix. I stood and stared and suddenly my kitchen looked shabby and lazy to me. I wondered if that meant I was shabby and lazy, too. Because our kitchens are nothing if not reflections of us, right? I decided I’d talk to Craig and make some calls about updates.
But as I lay down to sleep, I remembered this passage from Thoreau’s Walden: “I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes and not a new wearer of the clothes.” Walden reminds me that when I feel lacking- I don’t need new things, I need new eyes with which to see the things I already have. So when I woke up this morning, I walked into my kitchen wearing fresh perspectacles. Here’s what I saw.
You guys. I have a REFRIGERATOR.
This thing MAGICALLY MAKES FOOD COLD. I’m pretty sure in the olden days, frontierswomen had to drink warm Diet Coke. Sweet Jesus. Thank you, precious kitchen.
Inside my refrigerator is FOOD. Healthy food that so many parents would give anything to be able to feed their children. Not me. When this food runs out, I’ll just jump in my car to get more. It’s ludicrous, really. It’s like my family hits the lottery every freaking morning.
THIS CRAZY THING IS A WATER FAUCET. I pull this lever and CLEAN WATER POURS OUT EVERY TIME, DAY OR NIGHT. Mamas everywhere spend their entire day walking miles to and from wells just for a single bucket of this- and I have it right here at my fingertips. I’m almost embarrassed to say that we also have one of these in each of our two bathrooms, and one in the front yard with which to WASH OUR FEET. We use clean drinking water to WASH OUR FEET. Holy bounty.
This is the magical box in which I put uncooked stuff, push some buttons, and then a minute later- pull out cooked stuff. It is like the JETSONS up in here.
This is my medicine cabinet. Since my Lyme is in remission and each of my babies is healthy- there is nothing in here but vitamins and supplements and tea. Thank you, God. This medicine cabinet is a miracle to me. Every time I open it I feel like I should kneel down and kiss the ground. I have an inbox full of letters from mothers whose medicine cabinets look very different.
Speaking of ground- this is our kitchen floor. It’s not fancy, but it’s perfect for our most important kitchen activity: DANCING. When Chase was three a librarian asked a roomful of kids, “what do we do in the kitchen?” Everyone else called out “cook” or “eat!” But Chase yelled “DANCE!”
I can’t even talk about this thing. Actually, let’s take a moment of reverent silence because this machine is the reason all my people are still alive. IT TURNS MAGICAL BEANS INTO A LIFE-SAVING NECTAR OF GODS. EVERY MORNING. ON A TIMER.
And look you guys: LOOK. This is the kitchen corner where I keep all my kids’ school stuff. My kids go to a FREE school with brilliant teachers and a loving administration and they’re SAFE there. The school sends flyers home about PROGRAMS and CLASSES and CLUBS to make my kids’ hearts bigger and softer and their brains sharper and their bodies healthier. This corner reminds me everyday that my kids have at their fingertips what so many around the world are giving their lives for: quality education. When I wear my perspectacles I can’t look at this corner without a heart explosion.
My perspectacled kitchen tour taught me two things this morning: I’m insanely lucky and I’m finally FREE.
In terms of parenting, marriage, home, clothes – I will not be a slave to the Tyranny of Trend any longer. I am almost 40 years old and no catalog is the Boss of Me anymore. I am free. I am not bound to spend my precious days on Earth trying to keep up with the Joneses- because the Joneses are really just a bunch of folks in conference rooms changing “trends” rapidly to create fake monthly emergencies for us. OH NO! NOW IT’S A SUBWAY TILE BACKSPLASH WE NEED! No, thank you. Life offers plenty of REAL emergencies to handle, thank you very much.
I’m a grown up now. I know what looks good on me, and that doesn’t change every three months. I know how I like my house. I like it cute and cozy and a little funky and I like it to feel lived in and worn and I like the things inside of it to work. That’s all. And for me – it’s fine that my house’s interior suggests that I might not spend every waking moment thinking about how it looks.
Sometimes it seems that our entire economy is based on distracting women from their blessings. Producers of STUFF NEED to find 10,000 ways to make women feel less than about our clothes, kitchens, selves so that we will keep buying more. So maybe freeing ourselves just a little from the Tyranny of Trend is a women’s issue – because we certainly aren’t going to get much world changing done if we spend all of our time and money on wardrobe and kitchen changing.
BUT. Listen. I’m nothing if not a tangled, colorful ball of contradictions. I like a good make-over as much as anybody else. So . . . HERE WE HAVE IT. HERE IS THE MELTON KITCHEN MAKEOVER FOR YA! READY FOR THE BIG REVEAL?
Before:
After:
Ba- BAM! Extreme home makeover! My kitchen IS beautiful because it is full of beauty. SO IS YOURS.
Today I shall keep my perspectacles super-glued to my face and feel insanely GRATEFUL instead of LACKING and I will look at my home and my people and my body and say: THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THIS IS ALL MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH, ALL OF IT. Now. Let us turn our focus onward and outward. There is WORK TO BE DONE and JOY TO BE HAD.
Love,
G
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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2,233 Comments
yeah cuz black and stainless steel isnt matching or current at all
What a wonderful article! If only all of us who are so blessed as to have a fridge full of good food, clean water on tap and live in an overwhelmingly safe community with free education could VALUE these things, and see the gross mentality of consumerism for what it is- obscene. Throwing out perfectly good things for the latest and greatest on a continual basis is just obscene in a world where people are starving. P.s. I don’t think your kitchen looks outdated at all 🙂
Honey, you’re the one who lives in your kitchen, not those others. It should be all yours, and all you and your family. If I could spend just five minutes in either of my grandmothers’ old country kitchens with mismatched chairs and no microwave, I’d cry buckets.
important to be reminded of these things in this superficial & narcissistic world in which we live – thank you !
What a great perspective. God bless you and home.
Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I can walk all through my house with my perspectacles and be satisfied and grateful.
You are Awesome!
sing it
Amen! I agree 100% with your statement:
“Sometimes it seems that our entire economy is based on distracting women from their blessings. Producers of STUFF NEED to find 10,000 ways to make women feel less than about our clothes, kitchens, selves so that we will keep buying more.”
Thank you for writing this piece. Onward and upward!
Precious!!!
Simply blessed by your post. I still want to paint mine though, will be happy with what I have. And we dance in the kitchen too, doesn’t everybody?
Fab piece great read and so true
I lived in rural Kenya for a while….and you’re right. No clean water, no electricity, no fridge, no medicines (but lots of AIDS and Malaria), little food (we were sooo hungry all the time) and a mud shack with bats in the straw roof for a home – even if you had 10 kids (and no beds).
But these people were grateful for what they DID have and taught us how jaded we were. They were joyful in the face of loss and felt blessed in the face of deprivation. Women died trying to get dirty water to drink.
When we came home after half a year and saw signs about “Sprarkling Clean Water” advertised for a car wash, we nearly fainted. I hope we all realize how much we have and how grateful we should be. Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you for writing this. Also, where have people’s manners gone to comment on the way they think another person’s living space should be? That in itself is kind of embarrassing.
Couldn’t agree more.
Amen. Amen. Amen!!!
Love this whole post, but these words in particular hit on SUCH a relevant truth in our society that I feel acutely SO often-
“Sometimes it seems that our entire economy is based on distracting women from their blessings. Producers of STUFF NEED to find 10,000 ways to make women feel less than about our clothes, kitchens, selves so that we will keep buying more.”
I’m right there with you with my early 90’s, mostly now outdated, with mismatched appliances (which are, gasp, white!!) kitchen and counting my blessings in it!!!
Yes, gratitude is a must and Debt a no no. But who is to judge if you have gratitude and do not go into debt why not have an updated kitchen?
Otherwise, you’d STILL be in the top 5% wealthy in the world if you sold your non-updated home, moved to an apartment ( here in US most are bigger than homes around the world), and take all that $$ and save even just a few babies deaths from malnutrition…. House for a life? Just askin’ the ?’s and wondering why it seems gratitude is somehow measured by something one “gives up” and/or by not “moving one notch up from where we currently are in the material updated world” as somehow an indicator of our gratitude toward God. I do not think or believe God expects us to “give up” anything if we have given him “all” ourselves (heart & mind). I happen to know many VERY VERY wealthy (in USA terms) people who are on 100% for God in their personal and public being. Just b/c they are 3 steps more “updated” with material things than myself does not diminish their “faith”. If we said it did then we are hypocrites b/c we (just about generally anyone who even lives in, let alone owns, a home are easily 3 steps more “updated” then 95% of the world…. So those 95% should really think we are not able to have as much faith as them b/c we are “updated”.
I say… If you can update your kitchen without debt…. GO FOR IT! Doesn’t sound like you have a problem with gratitude…. Unless of course you are not at least giving the 10% God asks for (why did God bother even making it a %… Hmm cause he’s not against us (full on believers) being materially updated). And if you are led to give “sacrificially” beyond the 10% and you are joyfully, not for some duty or personal reward, doing so then great but truly the guy next to you who is not led and instead updates his kitchen is NO less a believer and/or NO less good as you. If you do not see it this way then you are giving for personal reward…
I really appreciated this
Just wonderful.
OMG. This made me laugh so hard, and it made me feel grateful. You do not know how much I needed that today. Thank you x infinity.
I so agree with you. To me, the best home decorations are those that make you comfortable and make your home comfortable and inviting to those you love. We have never had all the fancy appliances or up to date ones because it’s not about the money but about what we like and need. We finally have stainless steal but not because it’s popular but because we really needed a new refrigerator last year and my husband wanted one with the middle drawer and we could only get it in stainless steal. You’re kitchen is perfect!
LOVE this!!!
Oh. My. God. I know this comment is going to get buried beneath the avalanche above it, but I’ve got to say that this is ONE OF THE BEST FREAKING BLOG POSTS I HAVE EVER READ. You have a new reader.
And everyone should own a pair of your perspectacles. 🙂
I LOVED this!! It made me feel so much better about my kitchen, which doesn’t have a granite countertop with nothing on the counters and up-to-date latest equipment and everything hidden away. But it is USED A LOT EVERY DAY. And that makes me happy. Thank you!
You.are.fabulous.
I have often said that the mall does only three things for me.
It makes me feel old and out of touch, it makes me feel fat and it makes me feel poor. So I don’t go. The next time folks start sending pictures of expensive up to date pictures of kitchens hit deleat.
Now I need to git up and remove all of the mirrors in my house as to not feel old.
I LOVE LOVE LOVED this post. Thank you so much. I think I have a little bit of a different perspective to share. I am trained as an architect, and as a design professional I feel crazy pressure to keep up with design trends. but here’s the thing… while I like pretty things as much as the next gal – I like FUNCTION a heck of a lot more – you know, like a refrigerator that is positioned so you don’t bump into it constantly. (And BTW your kitchen actually from an architecture perspective IS well laid out!) Anyway, personally, I don’t make much money, and I have a family, and so I would rather spend less on stuff and have more time with them! Until this year, due to the building bust, my family suffered some huge economic hardship – to the degree of almost having our power shut off, losing our apartment, etc. Now, after a year of recovery, we are amazingly in the position to buy our first home. And it is one that I plan on “updating” but not in the ways you would think. We could have bought a pricey newer home, but I didn’t want to be in debt up the yingyang, so instead, we are buying a 1962 home that has serious cosmetic deficiencies – I don’t think it’s been updated since the 70s – but I think my approach in updating, as a trained designer and super frugal person, is going to be a lot different than most. First, the house smells like cigarette smoke, so I have no choice but to rip out the old ugly carpet, but I might just stain the concrete under. Second, the grout is degrading in the bathroom so we have no choice but to fix the tile. Other than that, PAINT PAINT PAINT. Seriously. It’s amazing what a can of paint can do to infuse style and personality into a space. It’s cheap and it’s easy, and you can paint ALMOST ANYTHING. And if you do buy new “stuff” to furnish your place, make it things that are as durable and well suited to your needs as you can afford. I have some well off family members who spend a lot of time and money constantly updated their homes, fixing things that quite literally, ain’t broke – and I find that really wasteful. And it drives me nuts when clients come in wanting to get rid of a ton of classic stuff, and change the layout – but can’t tell me WHY? Here, in my book, are some good legitimate reasons to spend money on updating your house: a) something is broken b) you are trying to fit more people into your house c) you need to use a space differently than it was designed for d) you are trying to sell your house and have been told that it is lacking curb appeal (though even that is a marginal one, because studies have found that usually, the new owners will change all the “updates” anyway to make it their own) e) you have oodles and oodles of cash and feel bad for unemployed design professionals who need jobs too (lol). Good classic design is all about function, not style, in my opinion, and it sounds like your kitchen is perfect, especially for the “function” of dancing with your kids!! Much kudos to you for not succumbing to the peer pressure to “keep up with the joneses.”
I don’t understand what was wrong with your kitchen in the first place. It looks nice, clean, modern. And, you have your appliance priorities in the right place, reverently worshiping the magical coffeemaker. But thanks for the reminder to be grateful for what we have.
Loved this. A lot. And your kitchen is absolutely gorgeous.
I so loved this. I recently moved, not because I didn’t love my home but because a broken leg a couple of years ago will never heal completely and a 2 story house was a burden every single day; so I decided to sell the house I loved and buy a ranch house. A new house even.
Once on the market the complaints started coming in. NO granite countertop? Original cabinets? Appliances are white? You would have thought the kitchen I loved was too vile to even consider buying in my immaculate home. Finally someone found it to their liking and the rest is history…except I miss it. These Stainless appliances? I could go a year with white and never see a fingerprint. I have broken 2 wine glasses and one salt holder in the 6 months I’ve been here on this granite; I never broke anything on formica (a dirty word!) in 22 years. And the cabinets? Yeah, they’re a bit bigger but not better. I loved my white kitchen; I’m still struggling a bit with maple!
Beyond that? It’s where I made every birthday cake for 22 years; where my girls brought friends to sit at the counter to watch or help me cook and where I helped all them become capable of cooking a meal for themselves. Where Easter eggs were hidden and Christmas breakfasts were eaten. I never once thought a makeover would change any of that. But it has…it makes me miss it even more! 🙂
Best. Post. Ever.
BRILLIANT! Thank you.
I’m a cook (please, no ‘chef’), and your article is RIGHT ON MAN! I mean, I spent a lot of money on my knife and my mixer, the rest is all goofiness and love. So if I am ever in your neck of the woods, please allow me to cook in your very well-loved kitchen!
Looks a lot like my kitchen. I agree totally with everything. “The things of this earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His Glory and Grace”.
Amen to all this, I love it. Thanks for sharing and being bold and I can’t believe people started to inbox you about your kitchen, there is so much wrong in this world, your kitchen is not it! Mich x
THANK YOU. I think most North Americans need a set of Perspecticals. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Any society that pees into drinkable water really needs to move towards gratitude instead of the all-too-common attempt to keep up with the Joneses. This article made my day.
Yes!! Actually your kitchen is much more up to date than mine! I’ve still got that wallpaper of the early 80’s, you know the stuff with millions of tiny little salmon colored flowers. I’ve been wanting to update, but time and finances say it’s not going to happen very soon. But I do spend most of my time in the kitchen. I love how it’s set up, and cooking and baking are my way of de-stressing. My family gets to reap the benefits of that, and for that they are thankful, and I am most grateful to have a place and the tools to do my thing and make others happy. I heartily express gratitude for all the things you mentioned, as well as a all of my working appliances that have outlived their expected life span so far. A life of gratitude will get you far!
I’m going right to buy…….a pair of perspectacles just like yours!!!
Thank you. That’s all I can muster after reading your words of wisdom here. Such a wonderful and timely reminder. And with that said, I’m going to put on my perspectacles and take a walk around my house and my life and whisper prayers of gratitude to God for all the wonder and wonderful things I am blessed to enjoy!
Well said, Mama! Your kitchen is great, but your outlook and family is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L! Thank you!
Dear Glennon: You are a woman after my own heart. When I was a young mother, my husband and I lived in a 20′ x30′ cabin in the country. We had no running water, or electricity, or indoor plumbing. That’s right. In the late 80’s, we had an outhouse. A two-seater! Since I live in Canada, you can imagine how joyous a job I had toilet-training my toddler in the winter, let alone having to sacrifice the comfort of reading a magazine article in peace while doing my morning constitutional…uh-uh. not in winter. We heated with wood, and lit with candles. It’s a long story why we chose to live like this, and we never realized our goal. In fact, it (amongst other things) ruined our marriage. But I acquired a new appreciation for the conveniences of life that you’ve written about. I gained a few things from that experience: I can’t STAND to be cold. I enjoy an incredible sense of security from seeing a winter’s worth of firewood split and stacked. I learned many valuable skills that have made me the independent woman I am today, and have passed on these skills to my own children. Compost, to me, is black gold. I’ve become adept at scavenging wood (even though my new partner and I have a furnace and don’t need it) for our fireplace. And my children and step-children will know what it means to work for what you have, and be happy with it.
I love it! It looks a little like my kitchen. Then again, I realized, the other day, that 90% of my house could be a, “How to look shabby chic with Goodwill.” It’s eclectic and I love it!
Ha! I love how you describe your house 🙂 sounds like my house 🙂
Goodwill is one thing – but we still have lots of stuff from both sets of our parents and other friends that we got for free because they wanted to update. Eclectic maybe – but as long as it works it stays.
Your perspective is a wonderful one. Thank you for the reminder of the many blessings I have that I have overlooked. And good on you for avoiding the Joneses.
I love this post.
You have the most beautiful kitchen!
Successful moms have happy kids and sticky kitchen floors. – I don’t know who said it— (I would add …and marked up walls, and lots of art and mothers day cards and pictures magnetically adhered to the fridge.
Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful perspective! We are blessed in many ways and when life is tough, that is the time to start counting those blessings.
While reading your message on being grateful (content) with what we have, I was reminded of a short story I taught a few weeks ago…”The Lottery Ticket” by Anton Chekhov. If you haven’t read it before, it’s well worth the 15 minutes. Thanks for voicing what so many of us need to hear.
What a wonderful, wonderful post! Thank you.
What a wonderful, wonderful post. Thank you so much!
I love your kitchen! Especially the “After ” photo. Well done young lady, keep up the great work .
Absolutely beautiful kitchen make over.
I think your kitchen is great. So you don’t have top notch appliances or fancy cookware, what matters is that you like it and it’s yours! Loved this post.
Gratitude what a blessing you are! Thank you for those of us who need a slap in the head a perspective.
Excellent article. I loved it. Sums it all up.
I was so shocked (don’t know why, I shouldn’t have been) when I read the first few lines that people would respond to a post with suggestions about updating your kitchen (my impression being that the post wasn’t about needing to or anything) to begin with, my jaw hit the floor when I saw the photos! I was expecting something that at least looked worse than mine not 10x better. LOL That said it isn’t the point and this is beyond a well written poignant piece. So far beyond and so right on and inspiring. The world needs to take notice of what you are teaching and reminding us. Thank you.
So very well said. Perfectly, in fact. Thank you.
This is the single most inspirational blog post I have ever read and let me tell you, I’ve read A LOT! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! By the way, your before is just fine with no critique needed and your after…SPLENDID! Your kids are adorable and your hubby is a cutie too! 😉 Keep enjoying your kitchen!
I met a woman yesterday who showed me how healing gratitude can be. What an incredibly powerful force for good it is.
Yesterday I took my son and my friend’s kids go-karting. They gave us coupons for $1 ice cream cones at a fry truck around the corner. We stopped in and got 3 cones. She had a sign that said she was donating all tips to Ronald MacDonald House in her grandson’s name. I gave her $5 and told her to keep the change. She had a huge smile and thanked me and started to tell me about her grandson. She said that today was the day he gave his heart. And his two young siblings were playing right behind us. She said that she was so grateful for Ronald MacDonald house because they were so good to her daughter through everything. I didn’t really follow, but smiled and nodded, it must be all good because she was so darned happy. We sat at a picnic table to eat our cones and the lady came over to show me a few pictures of her beautiful grandson. A healthy looking 7 week old perfect boy in his car seat, she was so proud and happy.
Turns out he had stopped breathing August 2. SIDS. His mother had been just steps away. Her grandson had been on life support since then. And today was the day that he got to donate his heart, they had a recipient. She was so grateful that her grandson got to make such a huge difference in so many lives. A little boy and his family were getting the miracle of a new heart that day, her grandson had saved a life. All his organs, except for his lungs, had been needed. Desperately needed. And, to compound the miracle of all this, it turns out her grandson had the rarest type of blood. That meant all the recipients were children with the slimmest of all possible chances for finding a suitable donor. She was so in awe of this. Of the miracle of all this. Of the fact that they searched not only all Canada, but the US and the world. She was so grateful that her grandson had been so healthy, that his organs had somehow remained strong and viable. She was so grateful that he was responsible for the miracles in so many other lives. She was so amazed at the miracle of organ donation, that he would live on in a way and touch so many lives. She was so excited and hopeful that the recipients would one day contact them, even though she understood that they might not and all the reasons why. This woman in the fry truck was so overcome with gratitude and reverence and awe for the miracle of it all. She said that the hospital told them that children donors were rare and her daughter had told them that if her child had needed an organ donation they would have wanted one. And how could you take if you weren’t willing to give?
So then I understood. This woman was grateful that today her grandson got to give his heart. That’s why she was so darned happy.
This story blessed me today. I’m at work, trying unsuccessfully not to cry.
I sent the story to my friend, it had been her kids that I had taken with me. Funny, when I dropped them off that day we had spent a good 30 minutes discussing all our current problems, didn’t even think to tell her about this woman. It wasn’t until I read the gratitude post that evening that it sunk in. And my friend just emailed me back. Her boyfriend is a cop and she was visiting him at the station when the original call came in on Aug 2. She remembers it vividly because it was a baby and such a terrifying thing. What are the odds? So if ever I doubt the power of the universe… and what a difference gratitude can make in anyone’s life.
I really have no words for this. Truly incredible.
Gratitude.. the noblest of virtues ..Such a touching story!!
Love this!! Thank you!! The devil loves to take our eyes off of what the Lord has blessed us with. I do struggle with wanting more than I have all the time. Thanks again for the post!
I rather like you kitchen just the way it is, but I have to say, the after photo is quite beautiful.
LOVED this post! I’m smiling in my kitchen 🙂
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. You, your family, your kitchen, your ‘perspectacles’. Thank you for writing simply, honestly, and with loads of compassion for your fellow woman who struggles with the same heaps and mounds of self-doubt and tyrannic pinterest-ing. Ha! It’s not that it’s not okay to dream of beautiful things, but that it’s not okay to ignore the beautiful things you already have around you. Thank you for the reminder!
I love this, and so needed it. I am printing it out and keeping it as a reminder for when I get my priorities out of whack as I often do. Thanks for reminding me what’s important in life….it’s certainly not going into more debt to change out my grainy oak cabinets or my vinyl kitchen floor!
Congratulations on the best blog post I have read all year! I’m so grateful someone posted this on Facebook! I will be doing the same! As an energy practitioner I teach my clients the importance of gratitude and how expressing heart felt gratitude shifts their energy and accesses abundant gifts the universe is just waiting to bestow upon them. This post is a great example of the results… Happiness! Which is what we all seek! Thank you for this lovely post and sharing your gratitude with us!
Super grateful for your perspective. I feel the same way sometimes, though without the generous souls offering to update my kitchen since I don’t have your klout, ha. I have all that, too, and what more do I actually need?
I would love to have the “Carpe, Kairos” sign you have in your kids corner – where can I get one???
Loved this blog post – one of my all time favorites 🙂
You are a gal after my own heart! Thanks for putting this together! It’s awesome!!
It’s LOVE that makes the world go round – and you are spinning it!! Love this. Thank you.
Awesomeness. Thankyou, generous, funny, thoughtful one. I’ll hold this in my heart for a looong time to come.
I’m sending this to everyone I know!! So much big meaning in simple little things. This line struck me: “Sometimes it seems that our entire economy is based on distracting women from their blessings.” I work in marketing and know the drill. From another perspective, we recently had a “wellness seminar” at work talking about rewiring our brains for happiness. The gist was that humans are wired for survival, which gives us heightened awareness of dangers and threats, and less of a concern (focus) about things that are just fine, let alone those that are great. Science found that it takes 5 separate moments of positive thinking to counteract 1 moment of negative thinking (identifying a danger, threat, lack, problem, etc), to keep our mental/emotional states in balance. Your article, and gratitude in general, are amazingly effective positive triggers. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!
You have found, and shared, the secret to contentment! We need to wear our perspectacles every day! For me, if I’m tempted to be less than grateful and thankful, I remind myself that this “thing”, whatever it is, won’t matter in eternity! Your article is terrific! Thanks for the reminder.
Such a very important message. You and Louis CK should do a Ted Talk together (certainly you could also do one alone!). You both do such a great job of reinforcing what our Scriptures – and that is the Scriptures of all religions tell us about living in gratitude and prioritizing what is important. Thank you.
Thank you! I am going to wear my perspectacles every day. Gratitude clearly explained.
LOVED this…we all need to remember this!!!
Beautiful post and beautiful family. My kitchen is not what I’d dream of, but it works and who needs the pressure of trying to keep up with the Joneses? My med cabinet is in the kitchen too. If someone is coming to our house to judge my house well they don’t need to be in my house.
Thank you! I always say, people will remember what kind of mom I was but not what my house looked like.
I don’t see just a kitchen ,I see a family home with walls painted with love and warmth.
Thank you so much. I kept your article so I can read it over and over again when needed. This brought tears to my eyes. Xoxo
I love your kitchen!
Thank You.
It made me cry.
I have very similar kitchen, full of abun-dance 😀
Thank you for sharing. You also have a big heart. More blessings will come your way through ” perspectacles”.
Thanks! I loved this, especially the “dancing in the kitchen” part. I came to a point where I had to cut back on all the magazines I was reading, because I became absorbed with pursuing a “designer” home and yard, rather than enjoy the beauty of a faithful husband and two beautiful daughters right in front of me. We need a whole lot more of your outlook in our country!
Like a breath of fresh air! Thank you whoever you are, you are exactly right, grateful instead of constantly longing for ****more****
It´s an impressive look on life that you have. I used to feel the same way too. Now it has changed. My Daughter (MY rock) has now moved out since she is now 18 years of age. I`ve been alone with her for almost al of her life. A life where I have sufferede from so many depressions that it has driven her away from me.
For the past 4 – almost 5 years I haven`t been working due to first of all a workrelated faillure in my shoulder that tore me away from the job I loved 100%. (Jobs are NOT easy to come by in my country) So it brought me mentallay down for 4 years before figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. I finally thought I had it figured out and added a little more to my theretical edducation so that I could gout there into the world and get myself a job as a trainee in an office of some kind. Then, two months after having finshed my extra education, I was sitting on the floor, making a fire to heat up the house, A house that kind of ate all of my money to keep us warm. I wanted to get up from the floor – bur I couldn`t. I had to pull myself up and I couldn`t imidiately walk. I felt like of those santas you have hanging on the wall at Christmas – you know – the ones where you pull a string and the legs and arms move. Hmmm??? I called the doctor ´cause “this isn`t right” I thought to myself. Now, this is one year ago now. I`ve been on a program where you get moeny from the government. Enough to get by for plus a litlle extra.
I managed to move from the house that swallowed all my money and move into something a little cheaper and I was happy. Still, a big dark cloud is hanging over my head. In two months I will be receiving wellfair. I have cut my costs right to the bone. For the past couple of months I´ve been shopping for long lasting groceries, so that I will be abel to eat. But going on wellfair means that every month I will be something like 200 dollars short to even pay my already cut to the bone expenses. This means that from having a well paid job, being married, having a beautiful daughter living with me I will be going to be living on the street. It´s just a matter of time since I won´t be able to pay for heat, water, electricity, the right to watch TV or having a phone.
This is a struggle everyday to be aware that this is what my future will look like. I`m 45 years of age and I had NEVER imagined a future like this for me or my daughter. My daugther is the only family I have – but like I wrote just before – my mental state has driven her away.So… yes, I have all the good things right now but it´ll dissappear in only a few months from now. The physisiabn can`t fix me in two months. No one knows how long this is going to take. Only timelimit that is for sure is the time between now and the day I will be on wellfair.
The past years has been a struggle but now? Now I have lost hope for a better future. Or even just for a decent future.
Big hugs to everyone;
Marlene
in light of what has happened already this week, should I ask,
MARLENE ARE YOU OK.
I know I am no more than a random stranger, reading a random post, but what you have posted has come from a very dark place from a very deep well.
At 45 I too have had one of the shitiest years of my life so far, but I remain hopeful that it will turn around at some point, and soon.
Please don’t give up
Praying for you Marlene, right now I’m lifting you up to God. That He will lift you out of this dark whole you’ve been living in for so long. May His loving arms surround you now, in the name of Jesus, and give you comfort and hope! As Louise says, don’t give up, you are loved! BTW, also praying for you Louise, glad you have not lost hope!
Marlene, while not in your exact position I do feel your pain. Having had my world and life turned upside down by chronic illness I know the pain of feeling like you are driving your child away and have not much to offer, I know the deep pain of being a financial drain on your family and not being able to find a way out. Working to climb out only to be knocked back down again so many times you it becomes more and more difficult to try out of fear, you don’t want to experience that taste of life ripped away again. But I also know how it feels to be on the other side, having someone you love and count on to be there be so convinced that the people they love would be far better off without them that they leave, permanently. I know how deeply it cuts to wonder if you had only been paying enough attention or known enough to make sure they knew how important they were in your life it would have made a difference. Feeling that pain and guilt for the rest of your life especially on that fateful day even though you know in your heart of hearts that it never occurred to them that they would be causing you and the others they loved so much pain or guilt. As deep in the depths as I have been, as much as I may feel the world wouldn’t miss me and might be better off (I might be better off) if I wasn’t here, I can never do that to my son and the people I love. I still flounder and perhaps I am and will suffer longer but I love them that much and since I will be on this earth I will continue to plug away trying to make a difference, perhaps something for someone a little better every chance I get. It isn’t the level of contribution I most want or the big life I long to live, maybe one day it still will be but I’m going to work at finding the positive in everything I can. This bloggers post about her kitchen is a perfect example and as hard as I know it is finding little ways to turn around your way of looking at your world will help. I’m so encouraged to see that you reached out in your own way and expressed what you are feeling…and so well too…because I know that means you want to share. Keep doing it there are people who share your place, feelings and care.
Marlene,
I may not have experienced what you are going through but I pray that you know how much you are loved even though we are strangers and above all loved by God who is no stranger to you or your circumstances. Your morning will surely come…
Hi, totally with you on that one! We left a monster house in Australia, sold everything, lived with just backpacks for a year and are now in a tiny one bedroom flat in London. Because we LIKE IT! We don’t need all the stuff society tells us we do, we’ve seen the light. The world is so crazy these days.
Wonderful memories ! People waste money always changing!
All IT EVER needs is to keep it clean, everything else falls into place!
We are lucky for what we have & should share what we don;t use….
This article is so bang on! Love it! xo
I love this. Especially the part about the school, since I am a teacher! Thanks for that. And I love coffee too. 🙂
You ROCK!!!
Stick to your guns – awesome!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! You just helped me realize that no, I do not need to cover up the memories of many happy times with family & friends gathered in my ‘as is’ kitchen. Well, maybe just the tarnished hinges on the cabinet doors? Excellent lesson on gratitude!
You have a great attitude and I enjoyed reading this and seeing the photos. I do have one quibble. You say that your kids attend a “free” school; by that, I assume you mean public school. (Unless you homeschool, in which case, I apologize for misunderstanding.) I realize that you only meant that you don’t have to pay tuition for your children, but I think it’s important for everyone to remember that government schools are a very heavy burden on taxpayers and they are most definitely not free! I don’t mean to be a wet blanket. You have a grateful attitude, which is wonderful. I just wish there was more acknowledgement that taxpayers are slaving away in order to fund all the very-expensive public schools.
Sally: Our children are not heavy burdens and neither are the schools we pay for with our taxes. They are our very precious gifts and with those gifts comes the obligation to care for them and care for them well. This taxpayer is happy to pay for the future of our country and the world. The point of the beautifully written post is to be grateful. And that is all.
Sorry, but you missed my point, Pat. Certainly, I believe that children are precious and that we need to care for and sacrifice for them. That’s what being a parent and grandparent is all about. Obviously, taxpayers must fund public schools because private schools and homeschools aren’t right for every family. But I think it’s important that people don’t forget how expensive those public schools are. Whether people do or don’t think that children are getting a good education for the money spent, I believe we should not forget the cost. Some people actually do forget the cost involved when public education is referred to as “free” rather than as “taxpayer-funded.” I also believe that we can and should do better for our children. I agree with you that the post was beautifully written. Being grateful for what we have (especially for our families) is the best and happiest way to live!
One more comment, Pat. I did not say or imply that children are heavy burdens, but rather that *taxes* are heavy burdens on many families. Public schools are necessary but they are extremely expensive. All children deserve a good education, but unless we recognize the cost involved (which many people seem unaware of and/or unconcerned about), how can we know if our children are getting a good education for the money people are sacrificing for? Don’t forget that money spent on education is money not available for children in other important areas.
Amen Sally~ my thoughts exactly!
I totally agree Sally. Education is NOT free, and sadly the public school system is failing our children in many states:-(.
Great post! I totally agree!
This piece was so beautiful it made me cry, something I rarely do. For years I’ve been sharing a basic truth, that advertising keeps us believing that we need bigger, faster, more beautiful; that we need to lose weight, change our eye color or banish our lines and wrinkles — the thing that gives our faces and bodies their beauty and personality, show where we’ve been and where we’re going, happy, content or sad. The worse part is a while back the same thumbscrews were applied to men, making them feel as inadequateas women have felt about tjemselves. Peace continue to be with you.
Great article. Reminds me of the year that we took out break from homeschooling every morning and did the hokey pokey in the kitchen . Still makes me smile.
You brave person!
This was a wonderful post. I had to stop watching ‘So you think you can Dance’ an read it to my hub.
I have a great habit of thinking about those with less when I begin to complain about my stuff. *It’s so cold! changes to.. I’m glad I have a home…with heat.
Thank you!
Way to go! I love your kitchen! There is always something new under the sun – but love is what is forever! I want to dance with your children in your kitchen.
Come dance in mine 🙂
Looks like this post is going a bit viral — and deservedly so!
BTW, I think your kitchen looks quite nice. And your refrigerator is a lot more organized than mine!
Ok. I love you.