“Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.” ― Thoreau
So why not just laugh now? – G
“If we do not feel grateful for what we already have, what makes us think we’d be happy with more?” — Unknown
Recently I posted a picture of myself in my kitchen, and I immediately started receiving generous messages from people wanting to help me “update” it. Along with their messages came pictures of how my kitchen could look, if I’d just put some effort and money into it.
I’ve always loved my kitchen, but after seeing those pictures I found myself looking at it through new, critical eyes. Maybe it was all wrong. Maybe the 80’s counters, laminate cabinets, mismatched appliances and clutter really were mistakes I should try to fix. I stood and stared and suddenly my kitchen looked shabby and lazy to me. I wondered if that meant I was shabby and lazy, too. Because our kitchens are nothing if not reflections of us, right? I decided I’d talk to Craig and make some calls about updates.
But as I lay down to sleep, I remembered this passage from Thoreau’s Walden: “I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes and not a new wearer of the clothes.” Walden reminds me that when I feel lacking- I don’t need new things, I need new eyes with which to see the things I already have. So when I woke up this morning, I walked into my kitchen wearing fresh perspectacles. Here’s what I saw.
You guys. I have a REFRIGERATOR.
This thing MAGICALLY MAKES FOOD COLD. I’m pretty sure in the olden days, frontierswomen had to drink warm Diet Coke. Sweet Jesus. Thank you, precious kitchen.
Inside my refrigerator is FOOD. Healthy food that so many parents would give anything to be able to feed their children. Not me. When this food runs out, I’ll just jump in my car to get more. It’s ludicrous, really. It’s like my family hits the lottery every freaking morning.
THIS CRAZY THING IS A WATER FAUCET. I pull this lever and CLEAN WATER POURS OUT EVERY TIME, DAY OR NIGHT. Mamas everywhere spend their entire day walking miles to and from wells just for a single bucket of this- and I have it right here at my fingertips. I’m almost embarrassed to say that we also have one of these in each of our two bathrooms, and one in the front yard with which to WASH OUR FEET. We use clean drinking water to WASH OUR FEET. Holy bounty.
This is the magical box in which I put uncooked stuff, push some buttons, and then a minute later- pull out cooked stuff. It is like the JETSONS up in here.
This is my medicine cabinet. Since my Lyme is in remission and each of my babies is healthy- there is nothing in here but vitamins and supplements and tea. Thank you, God. This medicine cabinet is a miracle to me. Every time I open it I feel like I should kneel down and kiss the ground. I have an inbox full of letters from mothers whose medicine cabinets look very different.
Speaking of ground- this is our kitchen floor. It’s not fancy, but it’s perfect for our most important kitchen activity: DANCING. When Chase was three a librarian asked a roomful of kids, “what do we do in the kitchen?” Everyone else called out “cook” or “eat!” But Chase yelled “DANCE!”
I can’t even talk about this thing. Actually, let’s take a moment of reverent silence because this machine is the reason all my people are still alive. IT TURNS MAGICAL BEANS INTO A LIFE-SAVING NECTAR OF GODS. EVERY MORNING. ON A TIMER.
And look you guys: LOOK. This is the kitchen corner where I keep all my kids’ school stuff. My kids go to a FREE school with brilliant teachers and a loving administration and they’re SAFE there. The school sends flyers home about PROGRAMS and CLASSES and CLUBS to make my kids’ hearts bigger and softer and their brains sharper and their bodies healthier. This corner reminds me everyday that my kids have at their fingertips what so many around the world are giving their lives for: quality education. When I wear my perspectacles I can’t look at this corner without a heart explosion.
My perspectacled kitchen tour taught me two things this morning: I’m insanely lucky and I’m finally FREE.
In terms of parenting, marriage, home, clothes – I will not be a slave to the Tyranny of Trend any longer. I am almost 40 years old and no catalog is the Boss of Me anymore. I am free. I am not bound to spend my precious days on Earth trying to keep up with the Joneses- because the Joneses are really just a bunch of folks in conference rooms changing “trends” rapidly to create fake monthly emergencies for us. OH NO! NOW IT’S A SUBWAY TILE BACKSPLASH WE NEED! No, thank you. Life offers plenty of REAL emergencies to handle, thank you very much.
I’m a grown up now. I know what looks good on me, and that doesn’t change every three months. I know how I like my house. I like it cute and cozy and a little funky and I like it to feel lived in and worn and I like the things inside of it to work. That’s all. And for me – it’s fine that my house’s interior suggests that I might not spend every waking moment thinking about how it looks.
Sometimes it seems that our entire economy is based on distracting women from their blessings. Producers of STUFF NEED to find 10,000 ways to make women feel less than about our clothes, kitchens, selves so that we will keep buying more. So maybe freeing ourselves just a little from the Tyranny of Trend is a women’s issue – because we certainly aren’t going to get much world changing done if we spend all of our time and money on wardrobe and kitchen changing.
BUT. Listen. I’m nothing if not a tangled, colorful ball of contradictions. I like a good make-over as much as anybody else. So . . . HERE WE HAVE IT. HERE IS THE MELTON KITCHEN MAKEOVER FOR YA! READY FOR THE BIG REVEAL?
Before:
After:
Ba- BAM! Extreme home makeover! My kitchen IS beautiful because it is full of beauty. SO IS YOURS.
Today I shall keep my perspectacles super-glued to my face and feel insanely GRATEFUL instead of LACKING and I will look at my home and my people and my body and say: THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THIS IS ALL MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH, ALL OF IT. Now. Let us turn our focus onward and outward. There is WORK TO BE DONE and JOY TO BE HAD.
Love,
G
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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2,233 Comments
Loved this! Fabulous.
Last week, my cousin came to visit. I was having chemo. And in my chemo fog, she said to me, “I love being here, but I have to rearrange your kitchen.” I couldn’t speak. But I felt offended! And now that she is gone, my kitchen and I are bonding and I tell it I love it and it is perfect. Mostly because I do love my kitchen. It is my favorite room in my house. For all those magical reasons. And then you wrote this. Thank you.
One other note: In the 1990’s, I went to visit my cousins in Italy, who live in one of those tiny towns that one road runs through and everyone is probably related to everyone else there, and you walk from house to house (unless you are Italian, then you drive little cars in the dirt between the houses). And my aunt, who made AMAZING and huge dinners, did them in a kitchen that was once a closet but then they converted to a kitchen when they got electricity and running water. It had ZERO counter space and maybe one drawer. And it (well, she) turned out better food than a five star restaurant kitchen.
I am grateful.
Gloriously refreshing and transformative. Thank you for adding a new word to the English language (perspectacles) and for allowing me and, hopefully, many other men to see through them.
So humbling! I’m going into my kitchen now to kiss my refrigerator, my water tap, & my coffee pot! Truelly great! Amen sister!
Love this little snippet of wisdom! My kitchen has chipped paint cabinets and fake butcher block counter tops! Thanks for helping me remember a kitchen is where love is truely made!
Thank you for providing an alternative voice to all of the noise saying ‘remodel now’. Perhaps, though, this article could have acknowledged that there is a difference between functional and scraping-by.
I have open metal shelving from Wal-Mart as my kitchen cupboards because the one cupboard in my kitchen is falling off the wall…so any time my husband creates dust in our kitchen (the only room big enough for him to set up a workbench in) I spend the next two weeks re-washing every dish & wiping off every can of food I use. I am grateful to have food to eat though but I worry how I will pay the credit card bill that bought the food as my income is not enough to cover ‘healthy’ foods that I need for medical reasons.
Although I am grateful to have a roof over my family’s head due to a relative selling us this property at a steep discount, I do worry how much longer the floors will hold up. I do wish for enough money to repair some of the joists so that we could use the rooms too instead of using the living room as our bedroom because the second floor is not structurally sound. It wouldn’t be as much of a problem except that the neighbor children knock so loudly that it wakes me in the middle of the night causing migraines and lost very necessary work time. I worry about the bacteria/mold/lead in our pipes. I worry that something will go wrong when we replumb it later (no, we can’t afford the planning permit) and we won’t have any running water at all.
I’m grateful that we were able to obtain credit in order to be able to purchase this or that tool in order to repair broken bits of house or car (I do not live within walking distance to work and public transit doesn’t run at night). I worry though that I won’t be able to pay for the credit we took out in order to keep this home from becoming condemned again or to afford whatever part we need next when something critical breaks or breaks down.
I’m grateful to have a table to use as a desk even if it’s legs fold & I have to straighten them out every few days. I’m grateful for this rolling chair that let’s me move without as much pain around our kitchen even though it’s broken and was purchased second-hand. I am grateful for things that are older or second-hand but still function. I’m grateful to have a bed to sleep in at night…but I do wish it wasn’t so broken that we have to keep snipping off wires when they cause blood in our sleep by poking out… or when I roll to the outer 3 inches of the mattress in my sleep and fall out of bed because the springs are completely gone. It’s hard to be as grateful as I should be compared to others in worse circumstances when the things I have are mostly patched or in need of replacement.
Yes, I do have running water right now but I don’t know where the money will come for the bill in 2 months. Yes, I do have electricity right now. I even have an air conditioner. I would rather open my windows but my allergies kept me home from work the last time I tried so I worry what will happen when we don’t have enough to pay the light bill.
I would be very grateful to have your fully functional kitchen. I know so many have less but I would like to have enough so that I can cook, clean, dine, sleep, live without constant pain, inconvenience, and worry about whether we will have any money for food I can eat without becoming sick (nothing processed) since there’s no money for it after bills any more. I’m not eligible for assistance because I’m my husband’s sponsor for immigration.
Although this article was written with the best of intentions it might be better received if it at least acknowledged that having functional items and an income for repairs does make being content with what one has easier.
awesome! thank you! i will do my own tour tomorrow!
Preach it, sister!! You and your family are truly blessed.
Very thoughtful
Excellent. Thank you for sharing your perspecticles!
I love your coining of the term “perspectacles”! How awesome is that?!? 🙂
Beautiful. Simply Beautiful.
Oh my goodness, I rarely comment on anything, but this……this just spoke to me! Thank you!
Thank you thank you thank you for reminding us of what is really important and to be content/thankful for what we have. When my children went off to college and it was just my husband and I, we bought cable tv. 32 years of marriage without cable, imagine the worlds that opened up to us! Thanks to HGTV, The house that 15 years before I was THRILLED to buy suddenly was “outdated” and almost unlivable! You’re much more articulate than I, but we’re on the same page. Thank you!
I though I was the only one who feels like the luckiest girl on earth walking through the grocery store thinking “I can buy what ever food we need”. I left the ER today with my son, he was injured. On the way home I thought “thank you Jesus, we have health care and can pay for medicine”. I felt so blessed that I could pay the co-pay on the way out. One very lucky girl. I know that there is a thin line between wealth and poverty. I’ve been on both sides. My kitchen looks like yours. I asked my husband where our new kitchen is. He replied “prep school”. That was a year that changed his life. My kids use to think we had an old out-dated home. We are surrounded by fancy homes. Now that they have met kids who have nothing – they love it here. We are blessed. I love that I found you ! Finally something I can read with out screaming “seriously?!”
LOVE this post. Thank you.
We totally look at our house and we know there are a few things that need to be fixed (have some broken tile in the lower bathroom and our lower bathroom shower has some water issues lol), but we feel happy with our home. It isn’t the things in the home that give you happiness and make your home a home… it is the family and love that lives in it.
Don’t listen to anyone. When my husband and I bought our house the kitchen cabinets had been resurfaced, cheaply and it was ugly. About 5 years later we started talking about redoing the kitchen. We decided to do the upstairs bath first because we knew the kitchen would be a total gut. Well we had to wait 20 years, the kitchen was horrible, the glued on surface had started coming off in spots for the last few years. The wait was unavoidable( lay offs and injuries) but it was worth it. I now have a kitchen I LOVE! Hardwood floor to match the hall, dinning room, ect., stainless appliances, granite counter tops. You’ll get what you want when the time is right and you’ll spend your money on what you feel is important.
I think you missed the point Cathy.
I KNOW you missed the point. sheesh. Nutshell- we need to appreciate what we have and stop breaking our necks to get fancy crap we don’t need. There are 100,000 people who would give their left arm to have what most of us have.
What a refreshing treat it is to read your blog! I love your perspective.
Thank you, thank you! Yes, free education is the bedrock of democracy. Most surveys show that 90% of people love their own neighborhood schools! —but believe the attacks on public education. Thank you for your praise.
Education is not free. Taxpayers pay for it.
It’s free to the end-user- which was the point.
Our kitchen is used for bubble fights (when we are washing dishes)
Thanks will totally love my kitchen even more now.
I love your insight and attitude. I still have clothes that I wore 20 years ago and have never renovated my house. That school, however – is not free, is not providing quality and they are endlessly greedy and needy – walk don’t run away before they spoil your children – better yet – your kitchen would make a great school!
I think your kitchen is beautiful! A lot of love in there, be proud x
All I can say is “Woot! Woot!” Thank you!! I completely forgot I have my own perspectacles!!
Dear Glennon,
Take heart.
Remember it was Jesus who had to scold the disciples when they fussed about Mary Magdalene sitting at Jesus feet to LISTEN… not cleaning and cooking with Martha.
I thought of this when you posted recently that you received so many ‘tips’ and ‘suggestions’ about organization, etc, after you included a shot of you in your kitchen, wearing a name tag of an amazing author you had met. So where was the cheering about you meeting the author?? The noise was all about the messy kitchen…
Which only proves why you are needed. We all WANT messy, wonderful lives…but most people cannot STAND messy, wonderful lives. We are scared of the disorganization, scared of the randomness, scared of having to fly by the seat of our pants! But you are teaching us that we are better at that than we think, you are teaching us to be brave and face our fears. You are teaching us to live Warrior.
Thank you. God be with you.
This is a wonderful read, more people need to look through perspectacles more often, including myself. Thanks for the refocus! <3
Bless you and yours! We should all be so thankful!
Thank you! “Perspectacles” is my new favorite thing. Thank you for this lovely dose of perspective today.
And again to one of your posts I say Amen, Amen, Amen.
I love this entry. You got it spot on. Thank you! 🙂
Thank you for this awesome reminder…it’s so easy to get swept up in the lies that we need more. I am happily plotting how to remake my own home over the next 6 days while I’m off work. 😀
This is why the Veggie Tales made the song, The Stuffmart. Take a listen. Your kitchen looks absolutely beautiful to me too! 😉
Thank for sharing this beautiful change in perspective you had! I often have a hard time seeing the good for the bad and this article helped me to realize how blessed I am! Thank for taking the ordinary and making me see how extraordinary it truly is! I am so blessed!
You rock! Such an important dose of sanity in a world made crazy but marketing and consumerism.
Thank you! In my job, I cook in people’s homes. Some have beautiful kitchens and never seem to cook. Others have tiny little kitchens and they cook wonderful creations. Sometimes people look at my kitchen and say “Wow, your kitchen is smaller than I would have thought.” Well, I love my kitchen and yes, it’s an 80’s kitchen. It’s U-shaped and very functional. I love my home!
I’m blown away by the fact that people had the gall to criticize your kitchen in the first place. Enjoyed your writing very much. Wish I could put words together so cleverly.
And that’s just the kitchen! Every night when I curl up in bed to unwind in front of the television I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my small comfortable apartment. No granite counter tops or wood floors. Nothing fancy but, as I lay there with my cats curled up next to me, I have everything I need and it’s AWESOME!!!
I love this comment and agree!
You have captured the secret to happiness! Paul says to the church in Philippi, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” You have a beautiful family, and it is clear that they are the focus of your life. Great blog~keep writing!!
From a perspective of early history everything we now know, every discovery is a miracle. Each new day brings new miracles, new “things” and always will as long as time continues it shall be the same. The problem is not what we posses, as long as what we posses does not posses us.The issue is whether we are thankful. Do we posses a grateful heart? God does not care about the stuff. He cares about us. He cares about the condition of our hearts. Stuff passes away. Our hearts are eternal. People-good, stuff-good, hearts-in process-and good <3
Thank you for your fabulous reminder about what’s important!!!
Some of my grandchildren are adults now and have just reminded me how happy they are that not much has changed & that gramma’s home is still warm & cozy. Breakfast is still filled with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries & Canadian Maple Syrup on hot cereal, when they come to visit. Life is soo good with loving memories.
My partner and I just bought a house and are looking forward to making it our own. We so appreciate this article though, I think I will print and post it near the projects we have planned. We will still remodel, but hopefully do it with a bit of a different perspective. Thank You!!
As I stand in my 42 yr old kitchen with 15 yr old cupboards and floor/counters and a 35 yr old fridge I give the glory to God for it running each morning when I wake up and fumble for my creamer…I humbly thank you. Blogs,magazines and ESPECIALLY HGTV/DIY make me feel like a sledgehammer and wrecking ball are the only things that would add to my kitchen’s look. I know,I don’t have to watch…but I am learning as you said,to put on my “perspectacles” and look at those stainless steel and granite wonders much as the same I would cliff diving in Brazil….amazing to behold,but not something I plan on doing! As a person that has grown up with low self esteem and feelings of inferiority this is an ongoing struggle. The amazing thing is my family,my TRUE friends and my pets have NO regard for what tile they are walking on to sit down to a homemade meal prepared with love,what grade of quartz the counter they share a laugh and a coffee at are made of and are more impressed with what seasonal decor I have showered it in rather than how old the walls are that adorn my very dated goodies! I am 30 pounds overweight but I survived a heart attack in Feb.,I haven’t won a beauty contest but my husband and sons make me feel beautiful beyond measure when they tell me they love me. My clothes are from thrift stores and Kohl’s clearance off the clearance and 30% off that…and why not? My dress for success is jeans and a comfy t-shirt and some tennies to chase the family Schnauzer in. Yes, I like to run a comb through my hair and even dab a bit of lipstick on now and again..but I am not chained to fashion, worldly beauty nor keeping up with the anybodies…I can’t. I would give full vent to debt,depression and darkness…the last one because my electricity would be shut off trying to pay all those remodeling and Pottery Barn bills! YOU are my new hero..so do a jig or a waltz in your “make over ” kitchen for me and know we dance in unison here at the ole 70’s ranch that I am so richly blessed to be in and all the memories that 17 yrs.can not have a price put on. A mansion can be just a house and a tent a HOME when those that dwell within either use world vision or “perspectacles”!!
Thank you so much for this! have an awesome day! You are awesome! Sharon
Wow… I’ve got tears in my eyes. What a great reminder; you’ve opened my eyes to how blessed I am today. Thank you for sharing this, I hope it is seen by many…
Awesome way of saying- look more to your blessings and be grateful for what we already have:) Stop being negative by looking at what we don’t have…thank you I needed to clean the unnecessary clutter out of my own mind. God bless…
And that’s just the kitchen!!! Don’t forget about those two magical boxes in the laundry area that make clothes clean and then dry automagically! Some of us even employ a container that makes food all day for us while we do other things! =}
Your gratitude about your kitchen is great. I wrote a blog today “It all depends on your perspective” which your article certainly demonstrated. Your valuing your family and their joy in your kitchen is a wonderful reminder that love and relationships are what really matters.
Thanks so much for these encouraging words. I love around many much more affluent people, and have family members who make similar critiques of my home. I have always felt blessed by what I have. But lately the hits have been rolling in and I felt like I wasn’t enough, and that what I had wasn’t enough. Thanks for the cheek slapping reminder. I will snap out of it and go back to being thankful for all the amazing things I have in my life! Like dogs who love my kids and have slobber to share with them! Or carpet that keeps my feet warm in winter. Hard wood would be so cold.
Thank you for speaking to this, Glennon. I gotta say it gets right up in my Irritated that smart, sensitive, thinking, feeling, loving women participate in the insane belief that a make-over/under/any kind of external prettying-it-up will somehow improve life quality. C’mon, Smart-and-Sensitive! We KNOW better!!! (I’m speaking to you, too, Oprah and Gayle…)
I also read your post about about Robin Williams and mental illness this morning and there are a few things I’d like to share about my experience with this (for what they’re worth)…
I’ve struggled with severe depression and being suicidal since I was a teenager. A few other women in my family have as well, and many of them went on meds, with varying degrees of success; some had great experiences, others did not. We definitely all had a lot of therapy.
The way I handled my depression/suicidal was to spend 20 years working with/studying with/stalking shamans and spiritual teachers and therapists around the world, attempting to get to the bottom of why we’re all here and WHY I feel those big huge feelings and WHY I would consider killing myself, and here are a few things I’ve learned on my journey so far:
1. Life on Earth is hard. Period. It’s a rough gig. Sometimes, just acknowledging that takes a lot of pressure off. (You know, the pressure that we’re all supposed to be ‘happy, happy, happy’ and ‘fabulous’ all day, every day, or there is something we must not be doing right?) Sometimes I like to imagine myself as the hero in a superhero movie…I’ve taken on a very tough mission, but I’m determined, and I’m badass, and I’m going to triumph and give it everything I’ve got to get my mission accomplished…(which, sometimes, is just getting my kids to school and being kind and loving to everyone in the morning…EPIC SUPERHERO STUFF!!!)
2. As souls, we sign up to come here to learn and grow as much as possible and to serve others.
3. If you have a particularly strong/expansive/sensitive nature, life on Earth is much harder for you than for a soul who may not be as sensitive, because you FEEL and KNOW SO MUCH and it’s OVERWHELMING, and in the Western world, we have no framework/teachings/support to help sensitive people cope with being so sensitive. So without teaching/training/empathy/support, our sensitive jewels, our gifts, our natural healers and empaths and teachers become our mentally ill and our addicts. You can have the best darn parents/siblings/friends/teachers/community/childhood in the world, but if you don’t know how to handle the absolute overload of feeling/sensation and energy you experience every day, none of it matters. In fact, having all that love and support makes everything WORSE because then, piled on top of your sensitivity overload, you feel such deep shame and guilt and horror with yourself for having all that love and support and still not wanting to be here/get out of bed in the morning for the daily onslaught. “Wow, there must be something REALLY WRONG WITH ME, to have all that love and support, have all those gifts and abundance in my life, and yet I still want to GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.”
(And there’s also this: Humans are not meant to live in isolated little homes. Particularly for mothers with children, this is an extremely lonely and crazy-making business. Someone recently referred to it as ‘the nuclear family torture chamber’, which is perfect and totally accurate! Cultures in which women and children work together as a community every day don’t have post-partum depression or widespread depression because everyone works together and isn’t alone in doing the work of keeping everyone alive and healthy.) I believe you know this and get this, instinctively, which is why you repeat so often how much we NEED each other.
4. I discovered that most First Nations/shamanic traditions treat ‘mental illness’ as a spiritual awakening, meaning that anyone experiencing that much pain and anguish is clearly in need of some teachings and guidance to handle their sensitivities and learn how to use them to help other people and serve their community.
I’m not suggesting, in any way, that Western medicine is bad, meds are bad and everyone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness should just toss out their meds and start telling everyone that they’re actually a profound healer (even if that may be true), because without consistent teachings and support from teachers and a community who gets all this, I doubt very highly there can be a lot of lasting healing for the sensitive person in excruciating mental and emotional pain. I share my experiences with this to offer another perspective which may help to create some peace and healing in conjunction (or not) with Western medical methods.
5. One of the best tools I was taught, and use almost daily is ‘shape-shifting’, (or, as Tony Robbins refers to it, ‘state-change’). I used to think that beliefs/feelings always precede physical experience, and then one day when I was curled up in a ball, hyperventilating because EVERYTHING, and my teacher said, “Stand up, put your shoulders back, take 3 deep breaths and put a big smile on your face.”
I said (weakly), “I can’t”.
She said, “Get off your ass and do ten jumping jacks, NOW!!”
I jumping jacked. And stood, and put my shoulders back, and starting breathing into my body again, and I made myself smile. And I felt completely different. It suddenly felt as if there was some space between me and the thing that was torturing me. I could handle this thing. Bit by bit. This is NOT a ‘just pretend everything is okay’ technique. This is using some very basic wisdom about the connection between our bodies and our emotions – we can use our bodies to affect our emotions, and not just be on the receiving end of the onslaught of feeling and sensation we go through every day. What an effing relief! (And, of course, I don’t always use this tool, because sometimes I just feel like curling up in a ball, eating chocolate and being sad. And then I usually get bored with that, so I go yell at my husband about something stupid. And then I laugh at myself. Or repeat. Or whatever. I’m just happy to have options, man.)
6. I was not surprised that Robin Williams committed suicide. It makes sense to me. I get it. I feel very, very, very sad about it, and I know the amount of pain he was in before he did it, and I know how much pain he struggled with his whole life. The very thing he wanted to make himself feel whole – being celebrated and acknowledged by people for being ‘funny’ and ‘brilliant’ is the prison he then lived in because then he always, always, always had to be ‘on’. Everyone expected him to always be funny (even just a little bit) and he expected it of himself, because no funny meant no love, no admiration, no fanbase, no work, no money, no reputation, no identity… what a horrible way to have to go through life. I see the same thing happen in people who go through tragedy or illness and find healing or identity or a sense of purpose through their tragedy/illness, and then they don’t want to let go of it, because they’re afraid of losing the identity or power or purpose or connection with others (or sometimes, even money and material gain) that their tragedy or illness gave them.
As an extremely sensitive person one of the most important things that has saved, and continues to save, my bacon every day is being able to share and be real and genuine about my experiences with other people, and to hear about the real and painful experiences and challenges of others (thank you x 100, Glennon). Robbin Williams could only do that in rehab, and he only went there occasionally. How draining. How exhausting. How horribly lonely and isolating and painful that must have been for him.
I say all this because it is my perception that there isn’t a monster living inside me, as there wasn’t a monster living in Robbin Williams and there isn’t a monster living inside you, Glennon. You are an exquisitely sensitive and smart and aware person, living in a tremendously unconscious and frightening and sorrowful and pain-filled world (along with the good stuff, too, of course) and you weren’t initially given the tools or training to be able to handle your gifts so they didn’t destroy you, just like Robin Williams. The major difference between the two of you is this: Robin Williams never allowed himself to be real with anyone for longer than a couple of minutes, maybe a full conversation. Even after all his therapy and rehab, he still didn’t have the tools to allow him to be real in his life because he found it too terrifying (and maybe even a little boring – Life on Earth can be pretty tedious). The difference is that you, Glennon, show up every day in whatever state you’re in, and you tell the real, personal, gut-wrenching, hilarious, embarrassing, boring, awful truth about yourself and your life and your experiences and your observations. And you tell it, and share it and tell it some more. And you let others in, (if not every day, then at least weekly…). And that is, I believe, why you feel the NEED to write, and that is why it is so important for your health and well-being, because by sharing the real you with the world, you heal yourself, and you create the space for others to do the same. And the difference is, you GET on a real and visceral level how much WE NEED EACH OTHER. In some traditions, you would be celebrated for being a wonderfully crusty and wise medicine woman…
Love and blessings and thanks for listening.
THANKS… I cried all day!!! Yes, isolation is madness. It did feel good to feel I am not alone as I read your comment. I understand!
You are absolutely, positively, totally and completely NOT alone. Ever! Period. Peace, sister. (And I’m jealous of your good cry…man, I could use me a good cry right now!)
Thank you for taking the time to write that. Continued courage and blessings on your path.
Dearest Margot,
In a few paragraphs you have described my life and feelings as no other person or book has ever been able to. Bless you for saying the words that help me not feel so all alone and alien in this life. I have new courage to move forward. Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful thoughts.
I’m so glad you found some of your own experiences here…hurray for feeling we might really, truly, actually all be connected, and we feel and bleed and mirror each other’s EVERY experience, no matter how ‘socially unacceptable’ (and not just in an abstract, hippy-dip, New Age way that gives you nothing to hang onto when the Life Coaster is rough and making you nauseous…) xo
I love you and your outlook! why spend money to try to improve upon what is already perfect. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it! some people have chosen (for whatever reason to be chronically unsatisfied) that will not change no matter how much money they choose to spend trying to please themselves. If other people don’t like your kitchen they don’t invite them to cook there. You and your family enjoy your blessings of love and contentment! God continue to bless you and yours.
I wish some people I know would read this and realize, that you don’t always have the newest and best that just what you need is enough.
Your kitchen looks like post century modern..California residents eat that style up..Looks nice to me..One of the home we bought had no furnace in it just a space heater….I was in Heaven after we installed a furnace..in MI in the dead of winter that beats out new kitchen cabinets any day.You are blessed and that is what counts.
Gratitude is how I get through my day to day life. We do not need more stuff ~ thank goodness you recognized that! We need more connecting with each other and loving each so that they see that they have magic inside themselves. Fantastic make over!!
One little note/observation ~ I am not a guy. I really think it would be wonderful if girls growing up were not referred to as guys. By choosing a gender neutral term (everyone, folks, people, loved ones, etc.) it helps us all. As a 60 year old woman, I do not want to be called a guy. I like being who I am. And as I already said, I am not a guy. Thank you.
This article is terrific, truly enjoyed reading it. Each day, I try to have “an attitude of gratitude”, and this Mom certainly captures that spirit perfectly. Much needed uplift today when I read this.
I’m laughing with you! About a year ago, a family friend–who just happens to make a lot more money than we do–asked if we were going to move when the parents die. (Hopefully, decades from now.) “Um, NO! We wouldn’t want their house.”
He continued to pursue this: What would your dream house be?
And, I was like, “Dude–THIS IS MY DREAM HOUSE!” Sure, we’d like different flooring, and new counter-tops in the bath and kitchen…but obviously we don’t care that much b/c we’ve never actually worked to get them. What our dream house has is the perfect location for our family! We’re located less than 3 mi from the gonna-die-someday parents, and w/i 5 miles of 95% of the places we go. We have FANTASTIC neighbors–they are PRICELESS! The lake is w/i walking distance. The payment is manageable. Why in heaven’s name would we want more square footage? I already hate to clean!
But, like you, I was temporarily thrown by the implication that what we have isn’t “good enough.” I just have this to say: If our friends don’t like our house, or are critical of it, they are welcome to NOT visit. It’s not the newest, fanciest, prettiest…but it is ours. It is filled with good memories and new ones are still being created here. It is enough.
And, yeah…we dance in our kitchen too!
Well said! I’m a newly retired Senior, re-adjusted my way of life to a lower income, and I’m fine…so are my 2 kitties. New “stuff” doesn’t guarantee happiness. Having enough, is, truly, enough.
Oh my, when and how did you get inside my head, this is exactly the way I feel. Love it.
Brilliant!! I just spent 2 years serving in the Peace Corps..third world living (dirt floors) gives one the perspective…. that you have! Thank-you!
This is excellent. And I like how you refer to the arrogant suggestions as “generous” haha. Well done!
I love your kitchen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now I love mine so much more!
This is the best thing I’ve ever read in my life. Just saying.
Thank you so much for the awakening. I needed this. You have such a great outlook.
Wow, thank you so much for this post and for standing up for what is important.
As a wife, mother of three boys, room mom, PTA, church leader, musician and child care director, I so often feel like a M. O. M. Master of Mayhem. And sometimes the mayhem masters me!!! Often I see things that might give me second thoughts, but when I truly take a look at my life, I know it is this way for a reason. Because it works and because it is US. Thank you for reminding us to stay true to us, and to help us locate our perspectacles!!!
So refreshing to find someone who “gets it”……gets what is important and shares it with those who need to hear that to be truly blessed, you MUST be
grateful for what you already have been blessed with. It is an amazingly simple concept but one that eludes most of us.
As an interior designer you would think I would suggest updates, but I am not and I love your story and I love your kitchen. If one loves their home, it truly is beautiful and they certainly don’t need the likes of me.
My company tag line – real-life decorating – I think it speaks volumes about your kitchen!
Thank you for sharing and making us all realize we need new ‘perspectacles’. (Well not all, or I wouldn’t have a job! – LOL)
awesome!
Thank you for sharing this! I’ve been treating Lyme for four years and am almost completely well. This journey had changed my thoughts , attitude and goals. And my priorities as well. I think it’s a gift to see things like you mentioned in a new light 🙂 so glad you’re doing well and sharing your wisdom with others! Blessings to you
I must be old fashioned….your kitchen looks totally modern and updated to me. I dont see why ANYONE would say anything about it? Why would they even if it NEEDED to be updated? It’s none of their business. Just thinking of telling you that you need to remodel would make me feel like a meddler! I love how you just enjoy your life. Keep it up.
I really needed to read this! Perfectly put! We should all be thankful everyday for what we have, and not be made to feel what we have isn’t “good enough” by others. I am in the middle of trying to prepare our home to put it up for sale, and let me tell you, it’s STRESSFUL!!! Looking for a bigger home, since we are “out growing our space”…this makes me think what we have here isn’t so bad after all. At least we have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies & each other. And we are comfortable here….screw the stupid “trends”!!!!
Beautiful. And amen, sister! 🙂 ♥
Thanks for the reminder. Just shared it on FB and again read it to my teenager.
We have agreed that you would be an awesome neighbor. Our kitchen is regularly a dance studio as well.
God Bless!
i’m an architect, and I design a lot of kitchens, but only for those who actually need them. The first question I ask is, are you cooking in here? If so why do you think it needs to change. My most recent project used all recycled cabinets from someone foolish enough to throw good stuff away! So keep saying what you are saying, the world is not a better place for having its scarce resources depleted for unnecessary renovations!
Oh this post. Yes, 1000x YES! I love this message and thank you so much for reminding us all that we have so many things to be thankful for. We do not need a bunch of junk in our homes to feel loved or happy. My personal motto is that money can’t buy you love, only depression. This post shows just how true it is and I love how you remind us of the important parts of life that no amount of money could ever buy. THANK YOU!
Awesomely well done. 🙂
I love your post! Thank you for sharing your ability to see all the blessings we have. GRATITUDE is contagious. Your kitchen IS beautiful!! 🙂 You made my day.
The kitchen is beautiful and so is your attitude! Love your family picture.
I loved reading your post. My kitchen is small, cute, cluttered but clean. I know of several home with beautiful kitchens that are never mussed, cooked in,much less danced in. We dance in ours too! Life is too short to fret over a subway tile backsplash. All I can think of are refuge women clinging to a hillside with their children, running from war. They await food and water from US military welfare deploys. What they wouldn’t give for an “outdated” kitchen safe to dance in with their children.
Thank you for sharing your “grattitude”!!!! May we all cultivate one!
Love your post — I’m one of those people who LOVE to decorate (and do it cheap yeah! military wife here …) so I probably would redo the kitchen BUT I LOVE the perspective too and if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last 25 years with over 14 different kitchens (including a camp stove) that they are all blessings! 😀
Love your attitude! We built our house (no mortgage) and our kitchen which I too, like. I never say love because that is reserved for the people in my life and maybe the dog. Of course I like my kitchen, I picked out the cabinets (maple which was not in vogue at the time), the light fixtures, the layout, etc. After 26 years it can use some tlc, I’m thinking paint and refinishing the cabinets.
A few months ago, I put a large black 3-D word on the shelves above my kitchen cabinets. It says *Blessed*. I was pretty sure no one in my family would notice it–but everyone did, within about 10 minutes of walking into the house. And I, I took an entire day to notice when my husband had a new dishwasher installed–in fact, I had to have it pointed out to me! I really need that reminder every day, that I am incredibly blessed. This post is a great reminder to focus on the blessings–not on the mess and the “need” for new. Thanks!!
This is the best thing I’ve read in a long time! It made me smile. It made me feel really good. You are right on the money! Enjoy what you have! Thank you!
Glad you like it. Unfortunately it is a disaster, not just aesthetically but also due to the absolute uncleanliness of it.
Melissa Forsean, I hope you can find a way to become a happier and nicer person.
Why would you tell someone their home is a “disaster”? That’s none of your business!
Sadly, I am wondering if you are speaking of the condition of your heart, Melissa, rather than the above post. May we all focus on our blessings as the writer does.
Sweetheart, you would be a much happier individual looking through eyes of gratitude instead of bitterness. That is a home full of love and thanksgiving. She has it right, read her blog with an open heart and hopefully you will catch the spirit.
Melissa, I cant help but wonder if you suffer from OCPD to make a comment about a normal kitchen like that. She doesnt have bugs or rodents crawling around, so it isnt a sanitation issue. I am not being cheeky either.
What…. Did you do a white glove inspection? This looks like a normal kitchen to me. As we say in the south …..”bless your heart”!
LOVE your kitchen makeover! 😀
Thank you. This post made my heart smile. I designed and my husband installed a new kitchen once, and it was kinda lovely (and done really inexpensively) but mostly because it was an expression of myself rather than a NEW kitchen. I’d be fine just painting the cabinets in our house now, but prefer to spend time playing with the kids instead and cooking them good food. We are so incredibly blessed. So so blessed. 🙂
I love you for this!!! My favorite thing is a sign my daughter bought me! It says “Some call it chaos, we call it family” hangs right in the center of our very busy, not always tidy HOME❤️
Wow. That’s pretty much all I could say while I read this. You are incredible, and so so inspiring! This was so good for my soul!! I plan to pass it on, and to read more of your inspiring writing. Thank you. You know how to live this life!!
I totally appreciate this perspective. I think it is a great attitude to have. That said, life is a multitude of shades of gray. For someone who lives in Southeast Michigan, which is gray and cold over half the year, and suffers from seasonal effective disorder and depression, my home improvement projects and making my home everything I NEED it be is basically a mental health necessity. Adding windows, knocking down walls and bringing in light was a must, updating rooms and painting them with cheerful colors was like medicine to my soul.
Nothing wrong with that. It is like taking medication, not an issue of being ungrateful.
Thank you! Love this! 😀
A friend shared this post on FB, and now I have a new blogger to follow. AMEN to you sista! SO many worry about the material things and keeping up. Love your children, love your family, and most of all love the life you have (not the one people think you should upgrade to!)
Loved this – totally agree with you!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Spoke volumes about what is really important, my mother was always too busy helping others to be taking care of our home, it was cluttered and unorganized, but it was always filled with family and friends and so was the church she rested in during her last day.
Thank you! Love perspectacles! I am making a pair now!!!
May you continue to be blessed. Thank you for this post. The Joneses are broke, and in debt up to their eyeballs. You are rich in love, experiences, and family.
Awesome post!!!
This is so fantastic. I was standing in my closet a few nights ago thinking I may need a “few things for Fall.” I think your perspectacles teleported onto my face as I saw my pants of different length and fabrics, shirts (long sleeve, short sleeve, and sleeveless!) and skirts and dresses of different patterns and colors. And, the shoes! It was, as you say, a bounty. Then, I realized that I was standing inside of a closet – ridiculous! I plan to keep your perspectacles on as I think about things I “need” from now on. My shabby, crumb infested 9 year old mini-van with one broken door is a miracle now! Thank you!
My brother is constantly telling me to get rid of my *paid for* (in his eyes) crappy mini-van and get a new one because it is old. It is a monthly blessing for me not to have to shell out $500 for a car payment. For me that is a miracle, every month!! Yes, it is crumb infested, yes my kids still spill crap in it, yes it has some rust. But I brought my twins home in that van, it always seems to have something extra hiding in it when we need an emergency pair of socks, goggles, band-aid, package of peanut butter crackers, bottle of water and whatever else we may have left behind. Getting a new car and new financial burden is overwhelming to even think about, let alone commit to for the next 5 years. I am with you, Sister! Our vans are miracles!!!! PS: we lovingly refer to ours as the Vanimal. I will only part with her when she is ready to part with me.
WOW. My brother tells me this kind of stuff all the time. He always wants me to spend more money for some reason. I love my paid off car too! I feel special:)
You speak my heart. Thank you.
Be in the present and have gratitude for what you have. I believe the eventually the only thing on TV will be more commercials and less of shows so that we will all continue to buy,buy,buy to support the economy. Why don’t we all start supporting ourselves and our families with what we make instead of everyone else.
You are blessed and you know it, I am blessed and I know it, feels good not to be pulled into the Stuffmart attitude and just be content with what I have!!! Enjoyed reading this so much!
Thank you so much for putting so articulately what I have been thinking about so much these days. It’s not often that I go back and re-read a blog because it was so good. I absolutely agree that we do hit the lottery every morning, and a brief consideration of the struggles that other people all over the world go through each day confirms that. Love your perspectacles!
Thank you for this! I love your writing and your love for life and your wisdom!
LL