Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Jessica & Ansley, God bless you and your family on this difficult day. My heart goes out to you, even though I’m a complete stranger and have never had to endure a loss as great as losing a child. I am so sorry.
Thinking of you, Austin Texas
Thinking of Ansley today in Syracuse NY.
Sending prayers and thoughts your way today dear Jessica! Ansley is not forgotten. What a beautiful sweet girl. Your bravery is inspiring. May God comfort you today and always as only He can do. Hugs!
Thinking of you and your beautiful girl Ansley. North Carolina
Thinking of you and your family today Jessica! May the memories that you have of Ansley fill your heart with love. Remember all the laughs and smiles and know that she is looking down on you from heaven each and every day! My thoughts and prayers are with you <3
Saying “Ansley” out loud, and holding my 4 extra tight today in her honor.
Much love.
From Erie, PA
Holding Ansley and Jessica in our thoughts today from Des Moines, IA. Putting Angel Day on our calendar to remember all the littlest angels gone too soon.
Kim
Happy Birthday/Angel Day Ansley! Keeping Jessica and her family in our thoughts and prayers. Much love from MN.
Jessica, your beautiful Ansley is being remembered in NC today! I too have daughters and I can only imagine your heartbreak and loss but today I am feeling heartbroken with you and lifting you up to our Heavenly Father so he can hold you in His hands and provide you his reassurance and love. May you know His comfort today and every day!
Jessica- Very sorry to hear of the loss of your precious daughter. As a mother of two I can’t begin to imagine what that is like. I’m hoping this post and the comments left from all of us reading about Ansley offer a little bit of comfort in your heart. Thoughts and prayers from Oviedo, FL.
God bless you. Ansley is beautiful and not forgotten.
Thinking of you today and grateful this came across my FB page. Please forgive us when we don’t say anything. Please say her name to your friends so they know it’s okay. Tell them what you want and need from them. Keep asking. It is hard to know sometimes. Some people are not like you and do not want it brought up and those of us who want to just be there don’t know how. I am so proud of you for asking for what you need. You are an inspiration! Your daughter, your story, is still impacting people. It matters!
sending lots of love, from not far away… i noticed in our church’s bulletin this week that the flowers were given in honor of ansley on her 7th angel day, and have thought of her often since. she is not forgotten!
xoxo
I am thinking of you, Jessica, and beautiful Ansley on her Angel Day. I’m so sorry for the devastating loss, so very sorry. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and sharing tears with you today.
Jessica, thank you for sharing your pain and wisdom with us. I am proud to shed a tear in rememberance of your little girl whom I didn’t know but who has taught me an important lesson and reminded me of the importance of showing up. I have shared this post on FB and Twitter to further spread this message and to show support of you and Ansley. From Lake Tapps, WA with much love!!
Jessica, may you feel Ansley’s presence with you every single day. Thinking of you and our beautiful little girl in Michigan.
What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl – Ansley. Big hugs from Ohio
Celebrating Ansley today and remembering the joy and pain of motherhood with you, Jessica. Warmth and love from Kansas City.
Jessica, I offer you no words..but love, so much love that it flows out of my heart and down my face in salty tears, as I remember your sweet pee Ansley and you, her brave strong Mama.
xxooxxooxxo
Burlington, Ontario, Canada
Jessica, we are praising God today for the life of your beautiful angel, Ansley. What a doll! No doubt your heart is aching with memories of her today and all days. Feel loved and supported from afar and know of our prayers!
With love, Bethany from Virginia
Thinking of your sweet baby Ansley today and praying for all those who hurt for her.
Laurie
Colchester CT
My sweet Emma would be 11. She died August 23, 2003. After she died people remembered her. I got phone calls, letters, flowers for years on her Angel Day and birthdays. The last few years, not one member of my extended family said a thing. I refuse to let that happen to you.
Jessica, your sweet Ansley is beautiful. I love the pictures shared here. She is just gorgeous. Today I am praying for a but if peace to your aching heart. You are not alone. Too many of us have walked this path, and we will all be here to lift you up.
xoxo
I sit here with tears running down my face for your baby girl. My daughter walked up to me and asked me why I was crying. I told her I was reading a story about a mama who missed her little angel girl. She asked me, “what was her name, mama?” I told her “Ansley”. She drew a picture of Ansley flying in the sky on her horse. My love to you and Ansley, Nicole & Margot (5 yrs old) for. Connecticut.
Jessica,
I can’t imagine your pain or sorrow, but would like you to know that I am praying for you. I hope that today, Ansley’s angel day, and every other day, you know that people care and would have counted themselves blessed to have known such a beautiful angel! Wrapping you and your family in prayer and asking God to comfort you always!
Much love and hugs from Hamler, Ohio
Thinking of you and your family today. May you feel Ansley’s presence with you today. I cannot begin to imagine how much your heart hurts, but I hope that for just a minute today these comments help ease the pain.
Bless you today!! What a precious girl Ansley is, and how immensely proud she must be of her mama!!
Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you
Deep peace of Christ, of Christ the light of the world, to you
Deep peace of Christ to you
–a Gaelic Blessing
today and everyday, Jessica
–Alison 🙂 🙂
Thinking of you today, Jessica, and your precious Ansley.
Evie
Tasmania, Australia
Thinking of Ansley and you today, Jessica, and wishing you both peace. In Washington DC.
Ansley. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. Jessica, you are in my thoughts today, and I shed tears for you today Momma. I pray that you will find peace in your heart with the beautiful memories of your sweet girl. Sending you hugs. Much love, Lee’s Summit, MO
Sending thoughts of peace and love to you and your sweet girl. From another grieving mama in Minneapolis.
Dear Jessica,
Remembering Ansley and saying her name with you on this her Angel Day.
I share the name of my son Aidan with all who love me – their silence does not stop me.
My daughter who never knew her big brother writes love notes to him. Aidan is as real for my daughter as he is for me because I shared my loss and pain with her.
You are stronger and more wonderful for your daughter Ansley.
Holding you and your sweet Ansley in my heart today. I also became the mama of an angel 6 years ago, and know the silence you speak of. I hope your heart is full today as the world remembers your sweet girl along with you.
xoxo
Vicki
Northern Virginia
Ansley is worth stopping the world for.
Sending heartfelt warmth from this San Diego momma to you and your family.
Oh, Jessica. I was teary already reading this post and then I got to the pictures of your beautiful Ansley and I just started sobbing. I don’t know how parents get through losing their child. I think when impossibly hard and unexplainable things happen, the people around often go silent as a self-protective measure, to push away from the grief of realizing we’re all at risk for such terrible losses. But it means the people at the heart of the suffering are left lonely in the worst way, and I’m so sorry that you’ve been in that position. Thank you for your bravery in standing up in the meeting and speaking out. My heart is with you and your baby girl.
What a beautiful little girl! Jessica, thinking of you and Ansley today.
-Katie in Washington DC
Saying her name here in Boston – from a mom who has lost one of her own to SIDS as well. We call our daughter we lost our “special sauce” – loving and losing her is what makes everything in our current life more meaningful.
From one child-lost Mama to another, I’m holding space in my heart today for you Jessica and Ansley. Sending all my love. Neither of you are forgotten.
Prayers to you today from Birmingham, AL. My nephew passed away three years ago and what you said resonated with me. Peace to you on Ansley’s Angel Day!
This article was shared with me by my good friend, audrey, that lost her daughter aurea this year. Holding space for ainsley’s mama amd aurea’s mama here in kansas city.
Dear Jessica,
My heart is with you and your beautiful love Ansley. May you find some comfort in the words here & the love coming to you from all over. You are not forgotten and your sweet baby is not either.
Much love to you both.
Ansley is not forgotten. Her energy and spirit surround you always.
Thinking about you and Ansley today, Jessica, in Defiance, OH. I always like to think of pictures as ways to re-member, or put back together, a person we’ve lost. Thanks for sharing your pictures of Ansley so we all have the opportunity to know her a bit. She is beautiful.
Jessica, thinking of you today and your sweet baby girl Ansley. Praying for peace and comfort for you. What a beautiful baby girl!
Blessings and hugs from our family to yours. God bless sweet Ansley.
Sending love from one mama to another. Sweet Ansley… she is definitely not forgotten. Thinking of you in Brooklyn, NY
Jessica – Raising you and your family in prayer right now. I believe that your Angel Ansley is looking down upon you from heaven. Like has been mentioned previously, bless you for being brave to ask for what you need. There are many people suffering who suffer silently because it is too hard to ask for what they need. Thanks for sharing your story.
Sending love from Kansas!
Ansley. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I will say her name today, and will continue to whisper it daily for both of you.
From New Orleans Louisiana. Thinking of you & sending prayers.
Jessica, I cannot fix your pain but I can tell you, from one mother to another, that I am present and thinking of you this day of Ansley’s angel day. She is beautiful! Much Love,
Yolle from Arizona
Jessica. Thinking you you and your angel Ansley today. All our angels are up there having a wonderful angel day party today. Sam. Xxx dublin Ireland.
Thinking of you today & sending prayers.
Remembering Ansley today. God bless you.
Steph from Delaware
Jessica, I just read this, and you are powerfully in my thoughts. Losing Ansley was the most excruciating day of your life. I know you must think of her all the time. I’m sending love and hugs to you today.
Love and light to you today as we celebrate the life of Ansley. Cut too short but not forgotten.
Sending love and hugs from Switzerland to Jessica and all the other warrior moms out there who need it. <3
Jessica-
Ansley. I am saying her beautiful name and holding a space for you and your family today.
Sending thoughts and warmth from Chicago today,
Erica
Jessica, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain of losing your beautiful Ansley. Please know that my aches for you. I am sending you love, light and divinity on this day and for the year ahead. Namaste. Royal Oak, MI
*heart
I am so very sorry for your loss. Ansley was an adorable little girl! Jessica, may God bless you with peace and give you the strength and courage to endure the loss of precious Ansley!
With love, Susan. (Mississippi)
Jessica,
Thinking of you, and your daughter and angel, Ashley, today.
Cindy
Arlington, VA
You have a beautiful daughter. Praying for you as you miss Angel Ansley today. Hugs.
Holding space for Ansley and her family today,
Honolulu, Hawaii… Bless you…
Thinking of you today Jessica and keeping you in our prayers. Ansley is with you all the time and she’s proud of her mom today for being so brave to help teach others how they can truly help someone suffering such loss. Sending love from Washington DC.
Jessica,
I am taking a moment to honor your pain. Hang in there. The world does care, even if people don’t know how to show it.
Jessica, I am holding you and Ansley in my prayers today. Love from Decatur, AL
I can’t express enough my empathy for your loss of Ansley. You are not alone in hurting, I lost my child through miscarriage, and now I’m too old to have kids. I grieved for months afterward, and no one understood the depth of my sadness. All they kept telling me was it must have been God’s will, and that shallow response only deepened my grief. As a believer in God, there is no way the loss of a child is his will. God is love and God created families so we could experience that unconditional love he has for us with each other. No one acknowledges that I was once a mother, and still am a mother bereft of her child. That last part really hurt to admit. I’m not married to the father of my child anymore, but at the time we lost the pregnancy, he had a dream of holding a flower in the shape of a star, and then casting it into a river where it was carried away, and he was left with a feeling of sadness and knew the dream was about the lost child. Since we didn’t know the gender of the baby, I secretly named my lost child “Starflower”. Jessica, I’m sending you a spiritual hug, and my love, and I pray for your life to continually be surrounded by love.
Hello Jessica and Happy Birthday Ansley, from Nova Scotia, Canada. I pray Jesus heals you of the hurt and deep pain of loosing your daughter Ansley from this earth. Ansley is alive and well in heaven! She is laughing and playing and remembering her beautiful mama! She is ALIVE in heaven, and you WILL see her again in heaven someday 🙂
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley.
Hugs from Indiana
Thinking of you and Ansley in Washington state.
Jessica is completely right. Just knowing that Ansley, Jackson, Aiden, Brooke and Abby and all the other lost children out there are not forgotten is so comforting. Hugs from Atlanta
Your daughter is beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my twin boys who were stillborn last year. It’s the most heartbreaking thing and a pain I live with everyday, just as you do. From one loss mamma to another, sending you hugs and prayers on her angelversary.
Jessica,
With all of my heart and soul I send prayers and love to you and your family for your sweet Ansley. May your memories and love offer you some comfort and solace in this time, and may the love and outpouring here offer you support to know that you are not alone. Know that you have a loving angel watching over you and that you will always have a star that you gave the heavens.
With love and prayer,
Pam
No words for your loss, but many thoughts for your precious Ansley and you on her Angel Day. From Kenosha, WI.
Jessica,
My heart hurts for you. Thank you for your bravery and letting women know that there are no perfect words to say, and for the helpful advice to run toward the hurt and just BE there with your friend. I will be praying for you and thinking of your precious, beautiful baby girl. Praying that God will continue to send people who will love on you and be the hands and feet of Jesus to you when you most need it.
Your Sis in Christ,
Michelle
From one mom of an angel to another Ainsley is not forgotten. She and my daughter Mia, who passed on May 1, 2014, just before her 8th birthday , are playing and laughing today. I hope you can find some happy memories to help you laugh with her today. And thank you for being brave enough to tell others how important it is to us all to have our angel remembered and spoken of.
Thinking of you, Jessica, and your daughter Ansley. May her presence always be with you.
Cindy
Mom of Robbie, born to heaven 6/18/05
Today I am thinking of Ansley and all of the people who love her and miss her so much. Your story inspires me to reach out to a friend who lost a child. I showed up when everyone else did but in the years since…I didn’t know what to say. Now I know what to do. Thank you. Big love from Wisconsin.
Jessica you and Ansley and your whole family are in my thoughts and prayers today. She was a beautiful little girl. Wishing you peace and strength. God bless.
Holding space in Minneapolis for you, Ansley and your loved ones today.
God bless you, Jessica, and your beautiful baby girl Ansley! My heart is grieving for your loss today. But I can only imagine how overwhelmingly joyful your reunion with her in Heaven will be. Hope and hugs to you.
My goodness, thank you for sharing your story, Jessica. I am thinking of you and Ansley, and I am saying her name out loud. You are a warrior. And Ansley will not be forgotten on me.
Ben,
Saint Paul, MN
Jessica, thank you for your words. What a blessed little girl Ansley is to have a mama like you, and how blessed you were to have loved (and still love) Ansley. We lost our son, Owen, 3.5 months ago, and I still long for people to just remember him and say his name.
Big hugs to you and lots of love from Michigan. Ansley is gorgeous, and I hope you take comfort in the wonderful memories you have of her. I have a nine year old girl, and will hug her extra right today in memory of your little Angel.
*tight
Hi Jessica. I just read about your beautiful child Ashley and it touched my heart and I want you to know that this mother of 2 in chicago is stopping her world today to say her beautiful name…Ashley..Ashley..Ashley..god bless you sweet child..give your mom strength every day as she holds you in her heart. We love you sweet child….hugs..and prayers and much love coming your way mom from Chicago,illinois
Taking a moment to send Love to both of you, from my Heart to Yours. May Peace surround and envelope you. Love never, ever, ever dies. From upstate NY, Blessings.
What a beautiful name for an angel! Thinking of you!
Jessica, I am so glad you had the courage to stand up and ask this question. For all of us who have lost a child and will never quite be beyond it, even though the rest of the world is. Your advice is perfect. Show Up. And stay there. Remember that child.
Happy birthday beautiful Ansley. love from Alexa in Columbia, SC
To Jessica–Thank you for your words. I never quite know what to say, but know a few who no longer have their children with them and will remember this. Thinking of you on Ansley’s Angel Day and hoping you find peace–or extra peace today. <3
–Indiana–
Dear Jessica, sending you a warm hug from Tampa, FL. My wish for you today is that I hope you see a beautiful butterfly flutter in your mist… and there mama is your baby girl…. always near and not forgotten. Please know you are loved, and Ansley is as well! Thank you for opening up your heart. We care. Peace, love, and light.
Renata
I simply cannot imagine what you go through not only today but EVERYDAY. Sending love, and peace your way!
Sending hugs to you and your family on this day xoxo
I also have lost my daughter I know what the pain is like Aug 29,1995 – June 26,2013 she was only 17 ❤️
Lindsay, Ontario
Jessica, I said a prayer for you, your family, and your precious daughter, Ansley, from California.
Jessica, may you feel Ansley’s spirit each moment more than ever today. Love and peace to another mother. Wichita, Kansas
Mama Jessica,
May God surround you and your family with her light and love. We are praying for you and sharing about Ansley. Holding you in our hearts in Missouri.
Big HUGS from Arizona. I will light a candle for Ansley today <3
Thinking of you, Jessica and Ansley. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful. My heart breaks to know that you lost your baby girl. I have a 3 year old daughter and I will tell her about Ansley today. Then, we will say a special prayer and give extra long hugs with you in mind. Being strong doesn’t mean you will ever forget. Being strong is this…sharing your story and your wishes so the world will never forget your sweet angel. Love, from Omaha, Nebraska.
Sending you love and hugs from one mama to another. I can’t even begin to grasp your pain, but I do understand your love of a child. You may not be able to hold her in your arms, but you will always hold her in your heart, as will I on your behalf. Love to you and your family.
Jessica
Dear Jessica, you and Ansley will remain in my heart today and every day that follows. Thank you for sharing your story and for expressing what you NEED. I pray that friends who have dropped away will realize how much you still need them.
Sending you blessings and so much love from Bellingham, Washington.
Sending love. <3 She's not forgotten.