Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Sending you, your family, and your angel Ansley much love from Alexandria, VA.
Her Name Sings my Soul
The mention of my child’s name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of her name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
author unknown
Jessica – I cannot imagine the pain of your loss, but I hope these messages from all us Monkees give you some amount of comfort on this difficult day. Ansley AND you are in all of our hearts, minds, and prayers today.
Love, hugs, and support from West Virginia.
Cynde
With love to you today Jessica on Ansley’s special day. I hope it’s been as gentle as possible. Sending love from the UK and remembering your beautiful daughter xx
You are brave- and thank you for having the courage to communicate what you need from others. You will always be Ansley’s warrior mama. -love & light from Ohio
Jessica, thinking of Ansley and you., From Winchester, MA.
Thinking of you today and of your beautiful Ansley! Here in B.C. Canada, the sun is shining down and I know that there are many thinking of you and of others we know who have also lost their child. Thanks for reminding us to speak their names!
I am thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. She will not be forgotten, as she is thought if today in Syracuse, NY and around the world. May today be a peaceful day as you think of Ansley and the precious time you had with her.
Jessica I am thinking of you and your precious angel Ansley today and everyday. Peace, love and blessings to you entire family. We will always remember you and Ansley!
Love – jolie Dunham – Dallas, TX
My heart is with you today.
My heart aches for you and every Momma and Daddy that has lost a child. Ansley was a beautiful little girl and now a beautiful angel watching from above. She is not forgotten and never will be, she’s in your heart. xx from Ontario, Canada
Hugs and Prayers from Simpsonville, SC on Ansley’s Angel Day.
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley today. I lost my first son, Thomas, in 2011. And not an hour goes by that I don’t think of him. Praying for a gentle day, from St. Louis, MO.
Ansley, you and your family are in my thoughts today. Being a bereaved Mom is the hardest road to walk.
Hello Jessica Love! I’m writing to you from Oakland CA.
Ansley is so lovely in those pictures.
My son Simon lives with a heart condition and every day is a gift. I cannot imagine your loss but we have come very close so maybe just a little. Thank you for speaking up that night with Glennon. Thank you for being so brave and generous when it wasn’t your idea at all to have to be that way. Holding you and Ansley and the rest of your family in The Light.
Much love
Laura
Jessica, Muslims believe that those who lost a child on earth will be the first people to get to enter heaven. Our children will be there asking God to let us in first since they didn’t get to spend as much time with us on earth. I hope today, and every day, you can find comfort in warm memories of Ansley.
Love, from Ann Arbor, MI
Jessica, your little Ansley is on your heart forever, and will be on the hearts of all of us who shared in your story. From Round Lake Beach, IL
Jessica, thanks for sharing your story. It helps to hear that you don’t care what you hear, just so long as folks remember and stand with you. Sweet Ansley will be on my mind all day today.
Sending love to you on Ansley’s day. Thank you for teaching us how tone better friends.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and your Ansley today. I’m sorry that people made you feel alone when they were afraid of making you hurt more by talking about her. I hope they have read this and understand that remembering her is healthy.
Jessica,
I am praying for you today from Tennessee. Your Ansley is so precious and has such beautiful twinkling eyes! Thank you for being brave and speaking the truth, reminding me to say the names of those we miss.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Jennifer
Praying for you, Jessica, that God holds you extra close today and gives you a glimpse of the love He has for you and Ansley through the words of all your old friends, new friends, and Monkee friends today.
Dear Jessica,
Today know that your precious Ansley has not and will never be forgotten. You will forever be her mom and she forever your daughter. Sending hugs and much love from Indiana.
Love,
Krista
Hugs. My son died almost two years ago and it still feels like yesterday. Much love
I am Jennifer from Colorado Springs, and I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you, Jessica, and about your sweet daughter Ansley. She is just precious in the photos – what a beautiful smile.
Jessica – I am thinking of you and crying for you as you celebrate your sweet Ansley today. I am sending love and supportive thoughts to you and your family today.
Praying for you today and for your broken heart. May God give you comfort and peace knowing her spirit is alive and well with Jesus and that as a believer, you will see her again someday!
I remember a little 9 year old girl named Shannon that lost her life to cancer over thirty years ago. I think of her often and the impact she had on all of us. Those who knew and loved your Ansley will never forget her.
Love from Missouri
Love and strength mama!
Jessica,
I am praying for you today and remembering Ansley with you. There is no greater loss in life then that of your child. My heart breaks for you and I want you to know that you are being loved from afar today.
Best,
Elizabeth
Thank you Jessica for sharing with us. In honor of you and your daughter Ansley, I reached out to a social friend of mine who lost her child. I have never known what to say so you helped me bridge that silence. God bless you!
Your beautiful baby girl is celebrated today in Texas. From one aching mother’s heart to another’s. Ansley will never be forgotten.
Ansley….what a beautiful name. Sending you love from Minneapolis, MN.
Bless you Jessica, and your daughter Ansley
Peace & love your way, today, and always, and forever……
Jessica…thinking of you and your Angel today. Sending lots of love your way.
Lots of love coming from Austin, Texas today for your beautiful girl Ansley.
Thinking of you and Ansley today here in Colorado. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby.
Just sent a few prayers your way Jessica. Thank you for speaking up and helping other Mommas who may not know how to be supportive, or how to ask for support. It’s Amazing.
Dear Jessica,
I’m praying that you feel the love and joy of Ansley today, and everyday. I pray that your family and friends come together to honor Ansley and what her life brought to those here on earth.
Jessica,
Thinking of you and your gorgeous baby girl today.
Sending love and prayers from Brownsville, TX
Jessica,
I miss my kids terribly when I’m away at work only for the day and can’t wait to hug them and kiss them when I get home. I can’t imagine life without them; not having them here with me every day. I’m so sorry your beautiful Ansley isn’t here on this earth with you anymore and can only hope all of these words and thoughts and “hugs” from afar will help to fill the hole in your heart, even if it’s just a little bit.
Warm thoughts to you,
Carrie in Lewiston, MN
Dear Ansley’s Momma,
I am thinking of you today. I am sure Ansley is smiling down on you, as she is everyday. Love and prayers for you and your family.
Dear Jessica,
Prayers for you and your family today on Ansley’s Angel Day. She is such a beautiful child and will be remembered always. You are a wonderful and courageous Mom to Ansley. I will hold you near my heart today.
Much love,
Leah
Ansley is thought of today from Indiana!
As a bereaved mother – I ache with you and for you. Thinking of Ansely at this very moment and lifting you up in prayer. God Bless!!!
Jessica, today is a day that I am going to give a moment of silence and prayer to remember your sweet Ansley!
With love from Denver, CO
Pamela
This article couldn’t have come at a better time. Today is my daughter’s 3rd Birthday. I was just saying how no one would call or mention my Alice’s name.
Thinking of your sweet Ansley from the Oregon Coast today ♡.
Jessica …I can tell you this for certain, as I do believe so strongly that you will see your gorgeous daughter Ansley, again, in less than the blink of an eye…but I know that holds no comfort while you are Earth bound … she is celebrating, Ansley and all those babes taken all to soon, this day and every day knowing that her mother has never allowed her memory to fade from her heart and SOUL. You are loved my dear woman … your beautiful daughter is loved… Ansley, thank you for your mother!!!
I ache today for you and your pain of losing Ansley. I am sure that it is unbearable. I will hold my daughter tightly today and think of yours.
Jessica,
You put into words exactly what my husband I have been feeling for the past couple of months. I’m so sorry about Ansley. Please know you are never alone. I pray you have the strength to get through the day.
Jessica, Ansley is such a beautiful
Angel. Your story has made me realize what I have neglected to do to my own friend. She too lost her baby girl Peyton. I admit I was afraid to invite her to birthday parties and things because I was afraid it would upset her. I know that by doing that I hurt her more. I was not being the friend she needed me to be. Thank you for your story, it has touched me deeply. God bless you. I know Ansley is looking down on you today from heaven and smiling.
Ironton, Ohio
Jessica: I am so very sorry for the loss of Ansley, your sweet baby girl, and I hope your family and othwr loved ones can help you remember her with love today.
Ansley is not forgotten, and neither are you, her beloved mama. I cry with you today and remember her. Sending all the love and strength I can muster to you and your family from Pittsburgh, PA.
Jessica,
I am holding you and your family in my heart today. Thank you for sharing your story and Ansley with us!
Lots of love from Chicago!
Claire
Jessica:
To face what you have faced is beyond my comprehension…I pray for you and your Ansley…I am so sorry. No momma should have to endure that. My name is Nancy and I am from Parrish, Florida. Facing my own challenges for sure, but nothing compares! Blessings to you and your Angel…
What a beautiful little angel, your Ansley. Thinking of you and wishing you angel kisses from your precious one.
Jessica, thinking of you and your Ansley today in Cleveland, Ohio. Thank you for reminding us how to be there for each other. May God bless you and bring you peace.
Holding space in my heart for you, Jessica, and your beautiful angel Ansley. I am sending a big hug and offering up a special prayer for you today.
– Jennifer in Philadelphia, PA
Dear Jessica – My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss. As a mama myself, I know not a day will go by that you will not think of your baby girl. I will be saying a prayer for you today.
Dear Ansley – the world misses you. I never had the joy to meet you, but I have seen pictures of you, and heard how much you hold your mama’s heart, and I know that the world is a little darker without you in it. You are loved. Watch over your mama today.
Thinking of you and Ansley today in Savannah, GA
Jessica – I’m so sorry the loss of your Ansley. Today, I will keep Ansley in my heart – and you too. Ansley is remembered. Always.
Julie – Garner, NC
Dearest Jessica,
Today I honor you as Ainsley’s mother. I have two sons in heaven, Gabriel and Rich. Even though my losses were longer ago than yours, I shed tears even now typing this (for me and for you). I do not know why some of us were chosen to endure this greatest of griefs, the death of a child, but I can guess at how you are feeling when your precious girl is ignored. I admire you for having the strength to speak out on this and the courage to tell the world what we need. She was your beloved daughter; I will light a candle now in honor of her special day.
Love, peace, and comfort to you,
Robin, a “sister” in mourning
Remembering Ansley today. Peace be with you from Sierra Madre, CA
Jessica ~ My prayers are with you in Ohio today as you remember your sweet Ansley. I hope you are able to do something today to celebrate your happiest memories of her. I would love to know more about her beautiful life if you’d be willing to share her story. May you be surrounded by peace, comfort, hope and happiness today.
Jessica,
What a powerful message to share and we honor your Ansley today. We promise to keep you all in our thoughts and prayers. May sweet memories bring you joy today and everyday.
All our love from Bellville, Texas…
You have a beautiful little girl, Miss Jessica, and I am sure every day you had with Ansley was a blessing. So very sorry for your loss, but know there is one soul thinking of you, your precious little girl, and your whole family, on this day – from Mount Pleasant, Tennessee and Buckmaster Family Farm. God Bless.
Roiana B
Ansley is a lucky girl to have you as her mom. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Praying for strength for you today and everyday from Michigan!
Jessica-
I was there the night you stood up and revealed your need for remembering Ansley every day, but especially on the hard days. I pray that you know the love of people everywhere who don’t know you or Ansley, but know your pain of loss of your daughter’s precious life.
Bridget
Thinking of you and Ansley today in Phoenix, Arizona. Wishing you peace.
Jessica, thinking of you and sweet Ansley. I pray daily for parents/grandparents who mourn the loss of a child. Hope you feel her presence today with every breath you take. We are going through a similar situation and can relate to what you are feeling- I lost my grandson 4 months ago today. Hugs and love sent your way.
Jessica, you are not forgotten, and neither is your sweet girl.
Jessica, thank you for allowing all of us to be part of your net today, to help share some of the pain you are feeling in hopes that we can also help you share some of the joy that Ansley brought to the world.
Kraft och Omtanke
from Whitesboro, NY
Thank you Jessica for Sharing your story! And for teaching us how to love. May you be surrounded by love and peace today and everyday that your heart breaks for your little girl! I can tell that Ansley was loved and is missed dearly!
Admittedly I am that friend who goes silent in times of heartbreak. But this morning I’m thinking about your sweet, precious little girl up here in Rochester, New York. Please accept some of the pain my heart shares for yours.
Jessica, thinking of you and Ansley today. This is probably a day you rather not remember, but it is written like stone on your heart.
Sending love to you,
Kilty-Fullerton, Ca
Jessica,
What a beautiful daughter you have! My heart grieves with you today as you grieve Ansleys death and feel the emptiness and pain her absence brings. One day you will see and hold her again! I pray the peace and love of Jesus envelops you today.
Your Sister in McAdenville, NC,
Alison
Thank you for sharing your beautiful pictures of Ansley. God Bless you and your family. From New Mexico
Hi Jessica – I’m so sorry that your little girl Ansley is no longer here. She would have been a very lovely 9 year old. Happy birthday to you both. I wish I could come hang out with you to hear more about her. Sending big love to you.xxx
Hoping today is filled with great memories of your precious Ansley. Sending warm love from Wisconsin.
Dear Jessica, I am thinking of you and your precious Ansley and sending you much love from New York City. I have an angel, too (we lost our sweet five-month-old Michael to SIDS last year); I’ll ask him to keep an eye out for Ansley and give her lots of love when he sees her.
Your sweet baby girl, Ansley is precious. My thoughts and prayers are with you all today.
Jessica, I’ve stopped my little piece of the world today here in Maryland to think of you and Ansley and your whole family. Sending you great love and I’m thankful for the indelible mark Ansley continues to make in your life as you and she touch more of us than you’ll probably ever know. Thank you for being brave, speaking up and changing the world in her name.
Jessica, your sweet girl has touched so many of us today! Thinking of you & Ansley today.
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. Much love to you and your family as you celebrate your beautiful girl’s life.
Dear Jessica, you are in my heart and prayers. I will say a prayer for you and beautiful Ansley. God Bless
Karen – Sherwood, WI
Jessica, thinking of you and your precious Ansley today. Thank you for speaking up for yourself and for all who have lost their sweet children much too soon. – Robbyn in Maryland
Ansley is surely looking down at her mama with pride and love. I am sorry for your loss and sending prayers from Virginia.
Jessica, thinking of you today and your beautiful baby girl, Ansley. I hope you get to feel her close to you today.
Jessica-
God Bless you today and your beautiful little angel Ansley. What a wonderful life she must have had living here on Earth with such a loving mother. You will always be her mother and will forever keep her spirit alive here on earth so we all can know her. You have made me a better mother today by speaking the words that you did that day. Ansley ‘ s spirit will continue to be alive today and everyday as I will speak about her with my 3 children and help us appreciate what we have together right now. We have our struggles to face, but nothing like you have gone through. You and Ansley have blessed me today to not take for granted what I have. I hope you find comfort in everyone’s love and support you will receive today.
God Bless your sweet little angel Ansley! She is watching over you and loving you more than ever. Let her comfort you as she holds you in her wings. I will be thinking of both of you today. Sending you love and blessings today!
Love
Maura from New Jersey
Jessica – Sending you love to help comfort your heartache. You will always be Ansley’s momma, and you will see her again one day. Know that you, and she, are cherished.
Margot from San Jose CA.
Women are damn warriors. There is no doubt about it. Your strength. Your grace. Your unwavering love for Ansley is something all mothers feel deeply. So today, we- as mothers- lift you up.
Jessica, I wish you strength in your pain and joy in your remembrances on Ansley’s Angel Day. Bright blessings from Grapevine, Texas.
Ansley was a beautiful child. Thinking of you and your daughter today. I lost my twins, Scot and Anthony, 25 years ago and I still miss them every day. Hugs to you Jessica from one angel baby mama to another. From Virginia
Dear Jessica,
I am thinking of you and your precious Ansley today. I am holding a space for you both. So, so much love to you and your family on this day and every day.
Kourtney from Southlake, TX
Dear Ansley,
Happy, happy birthday in heaven sweet girl. I wanted to let you know what a wonderful, brave mama you have. She is sharing your beautiful smile and memory with all of us. In sharing her pain, she is making us all better by knowing you. I have always struggled to what to say and do for people I love that are hurting with loss and your mommy helped me understand I just need to be there. And say their loved ones sweet name. So Ansley, please give her extra strength today and fold your arms around her, for all of us that are thinking and praying for her today. She is making sure that you are not just remembering you, but honoring your precious memory. You are so lucky to have such a strong mama.
Kandra
Jessica, looking at the sun dance on the fields of my parents’ farm today and watching fireflies decorate the yard tonight I will say Ansley’s name – for you, for your family, for everyone who knew and loved her, and for all of us who know that the love for her, in spite of, maybe even *because* of how much it aches sometimes, *is* the strength and the meaning behind it all. Showing up for Ansley and for love.
Laura from Iowa
Thinking of you and your Ansley today–and especially praying for you all day long. I am so sorry for your loss and so thankful for your bravery. A lot of people are going to feel less alone and more loved because of your courage to speak up and because of Ansley. She will keep on touching people! What a legacy! And what a legacy for her mom to have too. Praying you feel less alone and more held up today than ever. Anne from fairfax
Thinking of you and Ansley today, and sending love and light your way from Vegas.
Jessica,
You, Ansley, and your family are in my heart as I type this in Los Angeles. I hope you feel love flooding toward you, not just today, but every day.
Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today from Del Rio TX
Jessica
Sending hugs from Northern Michigan. I know Ansley is looking down on you today and saying “don’t cry mommy; I’m alright and I still love you dearly.”
Praying that you find comfort and peace. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your dear baby girl Ansley.
Jessica, I will send prayers for you and your sweet family today. I am sorry that I was not able to know Ansley in life, but through you she is remembered and lives on. With love, Miranda
Dearest Jessica,
My heart aches for you in Topeka, KS ♡
May you find comfort in the words offered here on Ansley ‘ s Angel Day ♡ Peace be with you today and always!
First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your precious Ansley. I, too, lost my daughter Evan one year ago. As you know, just breathing is sometimes a daunting task. Happy Birthday Ansley – heaven must be truly celebrating today! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Loving hugs from Agawam, Massachusetts
Barbara