Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,537 Comments
Ansley… what a beautiful name. My thoughts are with you and from now on, I will remember your beautiful daughter’s name on July 14th.
Much love from Murrieta, CA.
Happy angel day to beautiful Ansley. Thinking of you here in Calif. Jessica.
I can tell you love her name ANSLEY ! She is a beautiful angel and she is with you always never forget that She has never truly gone she is in your heart . It’s never good by it’s always— SEE YOU LATER MY ANGEL BABY !!
Nancy from Tennessee
Jessica, I am looking at the photos of your beautiful Ansley with tears in my eyes. I am mourning with you and your family and all who loved your sweet girl. You and all those who have lost a sweet baby are in my thoughts and prayers. Love from California
Jessica, Your beautiful, precious Ansley is thought of and loved today from San Antonio, TX. She is not forgotten. She was here and she matters! Sending love to you and your family.
Jessica,
I am at a loss for words. What a beautiful little girl with an equally beautiful name. I will think of you whenever I hear it.
Prayers from Coldwater, Michigan,
Shannon
What a gorgeous little girl sweet Ansley was! All that sunshine and character beaming from her face. Sadly, I share you’re heart ache, as my sweet Ellison
(2 1/2) left us all too soon just 3 yrs ago. Thank you for being a voice for precious Ansley and grieving Moms. From Colorado, a sister in Christ the Living God, I thank you.
My thoughts are with you today remembering Ansley. With love from Denair ca
Jessica, your daughter Ansley is beautiful. I am so sorry for you loss. I am sending prayers for your family from Arizona.
Jessica,
My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on this painful but special day as you remember and celebrate the short time you had your beautiful baby girl Ansley here on earth.
Eileen – NJ
Jessica, Ansley was a beautiful vivacious little girl……I am sure she is shining down on you today and all days <3
May today and everyday be a day to remember your sweet Ansley with a smile, a laugh or even a tear. Praying love and peace surround you! From Iowa
Jessica, please know that Ansley will not be forgotten, she is a beautiful little angel and you will see her again. Praying for you and your family to remember her with smiles in place of grief. Lord, please comfort Jessica. From California with love.
Prayers and remembrances of Ansley today from California
Thank you for sharing your comments that day. I have a friend whose son Jeffry passed away on Mothers day in 2007 and you reminded me that sharing stories and remembering Jeffry makes Kristen happy and that I need to do it more. Ansley is a beautiful name and her pictures show her sweetness. I am sorry that you and your family have had to deal with her death. As sure as I’m typing, I will never forget your wee daughter…july 14th is on my yearly calendar to celebrate her and your family! From Flin Flon, Manitoba Canada. love and snuggles!
Jessica,Ansley is indeed beautiful.Much love to you and your family from Burlington,NC.Sweet hugs to you sweet mama.
Jessica,
We lost my granddaughter, Laycee, a year ago. I’m so sorry you lost Ansley and I hope you find peace and joy.
From Rachel in Salt Lake City
Crying for you Jessica, and for all the mama’s who have lost a child. I can not imagine how awful it must be. Thank you for sharing Ansley with us all and for inspiring this post. With love from Brooktondale, NY.
Jessica, I’m so glad that God chose you to bless Andley’s life and for her to bless yours. Thinking of you in North Carolina.
Your sweet Ansley and you Jessica will be in my prayers always. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Big hugs and lots of love from California.
Praying for you today.
Saying a prayer for you and remembering sweet Ansley ! You are brave thank you for telling the world the truth and making people stop and think.
Jessica Ansley was such a beautiful little girl! I have a son that is 8 years old! I can’t even image what you have gone through and still go through everyday! Ansley is so. Precious and sweet!
Maury, north carolina
And today the world celebrates your beautiful Ansley. No matter where her spirit abides, she is held in the love of her family.
Ansley was surely a precious gift from God. I pray your find a new normal that allows you to honor her life and treasure the memories. God Bless
Jessica, thinking of you and your sweet Ansley. Even though I missed her angel day, I’m thinking of you both tonight. Thank you for sharing your question and then your answer to help any friends out there who need to know how to help a grieving friend. My best friend lost her precious Katy 8 years ago on Oct 18 and she would have been 24 on July 19. She was my namesake and a beautiful soul. I just kept showing up whether my friend wanted me to or not. And I think she’d say now that it was a good thing. We still laugh and still cry together over her memories and her loss. I hope your friends will learn to celebrate the life of your girl with you every chance they get. Love and prayers to you. Laura, Bossier City, LA.
Thinking of you and saying her name…ANSLEY aloud today. 🙂
Jessica… God bless you and your precious Ansley. I know how you feel, I lost my 2 year old a little over a month ago and I am starting to feel that same feeling. I can’t imagine how much worse it’s going to get. Prayers and well wishes to you and yours. Maybe one day your Ansley and my Noah will have a play date in Heaven.
Haley, I am thinking of you and Noah, too. (((Hugs))) to you as you walk this difficult road.
-Michelle
Ansley. What a beautiful name. How could anyone not want to say it every time they saw you. I too lost a baby and all I needed was for friends to sit and cry with me, to abide, to show up. It is a huge grief to not have friends and family show up for you.
Jessica, I have no words. Ansley was beautiful- those big eyes! My heart is broken thinking of you having to bear the sorrow of not having Ansley with you every day here in this life. If I was there, I would wrap you in a huge hug and not let go until YOU let go. Loving you with the deep love of Christ, my Sister, from all the way over here in Guam.
Jessica, I can’t imagine the depth of loss and ache you felt then and now. Becoming a mother takes love to a new level…I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful child. Much love from Colorado.
My heart aches for you and your family. The abandonment of society is inexcusable. Please know that I feel your pain and loss today. We are not supposed to bury our children. We are the ones that should be waiting for them. Know that your words have touched many near and far. Let’s hope that people listen and become less afraid of loss. Hugs to you today more than ever. Ansley is a lucky girl to have you as her mom. Please know that she will not be forgotten. Time may help to easy your pain but it will never cloud the memories of your sweet girl.
Thinking of you! Nothing will ever make it right, but you precious daughter is not forgotten. She meant something in this world!
We have never met. But we have the unfortunate sisterhood of those who have lost a child. I’m thinking of your sweet girl Ansley (a day late). I am hoping your daughter and my son Lucas are together, playing and having a sweet old time. Much love to you as your family.
My heart aches for you and your family. The abandonment of society is inexcusable. Please know that I feel your pain and loss today. We are not supposed to bury our children. We are the ones that should be waiting for them. Know that your words have touched many near and far. Let’s hope that people listen and become less afraid of loss. Hugs to you. Ansley is a lucky girl to have you as her mom. Please lnow that she will not be forgotten. Time may help to easy your pain but it will never cloud the memories of your sweet girl.
Remembering your precious Ansley today and praying for you from Savannah MO.
Jessica,
My heart breaks for you for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Ansley. I’m sure that there are no words that could even begin to ease the pain in your heart, but know that there are women all over the country mourning with you. After a miscarriage, I was told that every life has a purpose, no matter how short their time may be. After I found the purpose of the little life that was not meant to be I was able to find a bit of peace. I pray that you are able to find the same peace through the memories of your sweet angel.
Hugs and love to you, Ansley’s mommy!
Hi Jessica,
I stopped by. To remember precious Ansley.
Love from the Netherlands.
Jessica I am stopping my night to send love and comfort from Bloomfield, IA, to you in remembrance of your precious Ansley. Thank you for being honest in your grief and telling people how to help grieving parents.
Jessica, my heart goes out to you as unfortunately I know & understand your heartache. I shed tears reading this. I know your LOVE of Ansley grows.. Gentle hugs.
Dear Jessica, I am thinking of your beautiful Ansley today from Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I am also the mother of an angel baby who died of SUDC 2.5 years ago at age 2. Your message about what friends should do to support grieving parents is so important. I wish you peace today.
Jessica, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter Ansley. My heart breaks for you as I cannot imagine how you feel. I know there is nothing to say to fix your broken heart. All I can say is I am so sorry and all my love is with you. Ansley was a lucky little lady to have such a wonderful momma. Love and prayers.
Jessica,
I have an Ansley too and she’s so precious to us. Without her, the light would surely be much dimmer. There is nothing more precious to a mother than her children. My heart goes out to you. The Bible says that WHEN we pass through the storms of life, He is with us. He carries us. Lean into that. The name Ansley means, “bringer of the Word of Life”… Soak in God’s love for you today through the Psalms and remember that:) the Bible IS the Word of Life for all who read it and take it to heart.
You are loved…
Jessica, Ansley was beautiful. I am thinking of you and your angel on this tough day. Enormous hugs.
Jessica I’m stopping to think of you and your precious Ansley tonight. Sending you love and hopefully a little comfort from Bloomfield, Iowa.
My heart goes out to you as I too have lost a beautiful son . He is remembered by my 70 strong family and is talked about very often. We still love him as you love Ansley and he will live in their hearts forever. Lots of love to you. I am from the Blue Mountains, Australia
Jessica, I recently spoke of the same issue on NILMDTS. I’m glad my sentiments are shared by others. Common sense tells us we aren’t alone, that there are others who have experienced the loss of a child. It makes you wonder why we feel so alone and abandoned by those that say they care, who are always around, who went to the funeral, and whom you thought was there for you, to not speak of the loss or reminisce about times before heartache set in on the very day our angels were brought into the world, or the day they left us, or even on Mother’s Day. Any Time!
My husband and I will celebrate our little girl’s 6th birthday this year. We share in your happiness, your sadness, in the delight of Ansley, and in all the other emotions! She’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing the photos. Love the balloons…we released butterflies at her funeral. Every time we see one flitter by, it’s like she stopped by as if saying, “Hi mom and dad, I love you and miss you!” You are a loving mother! You are not alone!
Sending rainbows and sunshine from Oahu!
Jessica, I am honouring and remembering Ansley today. What a beautiful and precious girl! My prayers that you will find some comfort, knowing that we all hold you and your family in our hearts.
From BC, Canada
Ansley.
My heart goes out to you Jessica. Ansley was and is beautiful. I have a dear friend who lost her baby girl when she was two. She would be thirteen now. This reminded me to continue reaching out to her and continue saying Zoe’s name. Much love to you!
Jessica, it seems that you have given words to what so many parents feel but can’t express. I don’t know the pain you have experianced and can’t imagine how agonizing it was, but God knows. He’s never left you to walk alone and I pray you feel His peace and strength as you continue walking. God bless from Seattle
PS-your daughter, so beautiful!
Ansley was absolutely beautiful. I love that the sparkle in her eyes shines brightly in her pictures, as I’m sure it does in your heart.
I now know Ansley and she will forever be in my heart!! My eyes are filled with tears as I read these posts and as we continue to remember your precious baby girl. May God wrap his arms around you and give you the strength to keep your world spinning! Lots of love
My heart is hurting for your loss. Your Ansley is beautiful and she will be forever missed. Know that the world has stopped in Glenn Dale, Maryland to honor you and your daughter.
Sending prayers and love to you and Ansley from Washington. Thank you for sharing your heartache and reminding me to show up.
Jessica,
I am crying for you not seeing Ansley grow up. Ansley is beautiful not only on the outside, but you can see her beautiful personality shining through in the pictures you were dear enough to share with us. I’m thinking of you in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Jessica,
What a sweet little face Ansley has. We are remembering her and you today. Our friend just lost her baby boy Joel this past week. This post reminded me of the need to just be there for her, not being afraid to say his name and celebrate his little life.
Leah – San Francisco
Jessica, your Ansley’s Angel day is the day after my nephew’s birthday. He passed after just one month and one day in earth. Thank you for teaching me what to say to his Mama. It’ll be one year since his passing on Aug 14th and I was writing order what would be ok to say. Thank you for your strength and God Bless you for sharing your sweet Ansley’s story. Ansley if now helping so many people reach out to their loved ones.
Love to you and Ansley today, tomorrow and every day!!!
Stopping my world for a moment in London, Ontario, to remember Ansley, Jessica and those other friends of mine who have lost an angel.
Blessings to you and your family. May all the memories of your little angel, Ansley fill your hearts with sunshine and love from above. No parent ever expects to loose a child before themselves, but we know God lets us borrow His children to love and raise but sometimes He calls them home when He wants them back. How special she must have been. My heart is breaking for you all, but I know Heaven is enjoying her now.
Ainsley is beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with us <3
From Vancouver, BC Canada 🙂
What a beautiful little angel Ansley is. Wishing you peace today & always. I, too, have experienced how painful the silence can be, and I vow to you and all my loved ones to always “show up.” Thank you for the brave reminder.
Becca from Portland, OR
Jessica, I’m sending you love. I too lost my son 16 months ago and I know just how you feel. We will always love and remember Ansley and Kit.
Lesley, Toronto canada.
Jessica,
Words can’t describe how much your story hurts my heart. As a mother, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.
While I cannot find the words to comfort you or take away the pain that this day brings, I can offer an encouraging smile to you for your strength to keep going on and sharing her story. Please know that Ansley is in my warmest thoughts and I am celebrating her light today along with you.
Sending love from Ontario, Canada xo
Wishing you peace on this and every day knowing we’re all in this together! So many hurting hearts leaning on Jesus until we see Him and our sweet babies again. So much love coming your way from Morehead City, NC:-)
Oh what a beautiful sweet girl Ansley is. You are not forgotten today, your precious angel is with you and so are we. You are brave for breaking the silence on how all of us who have lost children feel. Thank you.
Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss of Ansley. Thank you for giving an idea of *how* to be there for a friend who has suffered a loss. Thinking of you from Minnesota.
I’m sorry to be a day late for Ansley’s angel birthday. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I’m here. I’m saying her name – and praying for your peace.
Jessica, thank you for helping us know what to do, what to say. Thinking of Ansley and your love for each other. Thank you for letting us know how we can honor your lives together.
Every mother feels and honors your loss of your bright light of a little girl…thinking of you and Ansley with love.
A day late, but stopping my world to think of you, Jessica, your beautiful daughter Ansley, and all the other mothers out there who are working through similar tragedies. I too will think of your little girl every time I hear the name Ansley.
Love from MN
Remembering your beautiful daughter Ansley in California tonight.
Love to Jessica. Love to Ansley. Love love love.
Jessica, I stumbled upon this blog, read this post and am pouring out tears on your behalf and the life of Ansley. My whole body hurts with yours. Thank you for sharing about your experience in losing a child- it helps other tremendously. I pray that you feel the comfort and love of Jesus each day and that you know your baby is completely wrapped in that same love.
I’m a day late on Ansley’s Angel Day but none the less, I’m thinking of her. And praying for you. God Bless you Jessica. You will one day see baby Ansley again.
I am shedding tears for you and your loss of that beautiful child. She will always be with you in spirit and memory. She will always be your baby. Lots of love and light to you.
Lauren
Baltimore, MD
Jessica, I’m lifting you up. I don’t have the right words to comfort you now, I just know that I’m feeling your sadness and I’m taking it in. I hope that make room for the joy of Ansley’s memory -she is not forgotten. Thank you for the reminder to speak names and reminisce. Too often I feel that the mention of a loved one will bring hurt, when in fact it almost always brings joy…and maybe a bit of sadness…but mostly joy. You are in my prayers.
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley from Nova Scotia, Canada.
Jessica, I couldn’t ever image the pain you must be feeling on this day. I do pray God wraps his arms around you and your family.
God Bless You from Southern Ohio!
Tara
My BFF’s little girl is named Ansley, too, so your beautiful little girl’s name and pictures struck me. I, too, am a mom, and I can’t even fathom how heavy your heart is on this day. Please *please* know that you have thousands of loving souls cheering you on today and always. It’s ok to cry, because we’re all over the place crying with you. In peace, Megan (Cleveland, Ohio)
What a beautiful girl Ansley is. Happy angel day to your sweet girl.
Thinking of your baby girl Ansley, May you find some comfort. Lots of love from Ontario Canada
I can’t imagine the sadness in your family’s hearts but please know that I’m praying for you all and that you will know the Peace that passes all understanding. Ansley is beautiful!
Thinking of you, Jessica, and your beautiful Ansley today. ❤️ Big hugs from Ohio.
Thank you for sharing your story. I just happen on your page today and my daughter saw your daughter’s picture and she wanted to know all about your sweet girl. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. Lots of love even though we have never met. My daughter was born a twin and her sister, Islam, passed away an hour after she was born. Thank you for sharing your broken heart and beautiful picture. Thinking of you and your family from Monroe, Wa.
Jessica, I cannot even imagine the heartbreak you felt, and continue to feel at the loss of your sweet, beautiful angel, Ansley. Just know that the love Ansley gave to you and others will never be forgotten. Today, your angel is remembered in Maryland!
Last September my little grandson Bennie became an angel after 25 days with us. I know your aching heart, and I will remember your angel today. We share our memories often, and include him in our conversations.
Dear Jessica, My heart is with you, sweet Ansley and all of your loved ones who are missing her so.
Love from Denver
I am too late for yesterday but just saw this Jessica. I want you to know that when I see or hear the name Ansley again, your daughter will be the one I think of. And for Mia’s mommy, I will do the same for you. Life is too short not to reach out to those in pain and losing a child doesn’t go away, it does’t get better, the pain doesn’t heal. I am sharing this with all of my fb friends because so many of them have lost little ones as well. No parent should have to lose a child……. no pain compares. Much love from Indiana.
Jessica,
Thinking about you and your beautiful, precious daughter Ansley. You are not alone in your pain or your loss. May God bring strength and peace to you and your family. Howell Michigan
Jessica,
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I cannot imagine the pain you’ve endured and I am proud of you for stepping up to make it known that silence doesn’t help. We may not always know what to say and there really are no “right” words, but thank you for making us aware that just acknowledging that your beautiful girl is not forgotten is a step in the right direction. May you feel the love and support, today and everyday… Sweet Ansley will always be remembered.
My thoughts are with you today and every day. Sending love and peace your way. ♡
Dear Jessica, Tonight I am praying for your sweet angel, Ansley and for you and your family. What a beautiful little girl she was – the pictures are just precious! I cannot even imagine how much you miss her every waking moment but may her loving spirit comfort you each and every day. Thank you for sharing your darling Ansley with the world. She will never be forgotten! Peace and love to you!!
Elizabeth from Chicago
Ansley will always be remembered by family and friends. Jessica, know that we moms are with you today and every day.
God bless you Jessica and your precious little angel Ansley
Jess,
Thank you for being brave and letting people know what you need. When we honor our own hearts it gives people the courage to honor theirs. You matter, your heart matters, and Ansley matters too. We remember her and honor both of you! Susan
Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss of Ansley. One of my nephews just turned nine and I’m so sorry your Ansley isn’t here, enjoying that age. Thank you for the reminder of how we need to be with friends who’ve lost so much. I need to go say Keaton’s name to her momma and poppa and sisters.
Ansley will be remembered today. May The Lord comfort and bless you Jessica.
Love from California.
Jessica, know that I have taken a deliberate pause in my evening to mourn with you and acknowledge Ansley and her sweet face. My heart aches for you and your family. God bless your broken hearts.
i have 3 friends who also lost their beautiful babies time passes and people forget to pay tribute to these angels.thank-you for reminding us that we need to speek about them often.they should never be forgotten.thinking about you and your special angel ansley.