Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,537 Comments
To angel Ansley guiding us through love.
Orlando
Thinking of you and sending much love your way, Jessica. Your story has inspired me to “show up” for the things that matter. Thanks to you and your beautiful Ansley for that. Much love, Tara (Minnetonka, MN)
Jessica, thank you for sharing your story and your pain. I am so sorry for your loss and hope all these comments have helped. I will remember not to shy away from mentioning my friend’s son that has passed. I sometimes feel that way – but in your sharing I understand I must not. Thank you.
I have a dear friend who lost her little boy, and I still remember the day the accident happened, and I remember her saying “I will always be the mother of TWO boys.” Thank you for telling us bc we do forget when the years roll by, 10, 20, now 30+ and we wonder— but no longer ask how it feels these many years away. So, I will call my friend and go see her, talk to her, and give her a big hug bc that anniversary is just around the corner for her. I pray peace and blessings to you Jessica, and to that sweet baby who is so much a part of you. You are braver and stronger than you know.
A big hug from me to you. Thank you for sharing your daughter with me today. I am really touched.
Thank you for sharing your story. We lost our baby girl in March and feel exactly the same. She went to Heaven shortly after birth and we’re heartbroken that we didn’t get to know her but our love for her couldn’t be stronger. She’ll always be a part of us and we love talking about her just as any proud parent does. We are praying for you and your family on this special day, and thinking of beautiful Ansley.
Jessica,
You precious daughter Ansley is so beautiful! You are so loved and please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts. Sending you love and hugs!
It was my daughters birthday yesterday, the 14th. I cannot emagine the pain you feel. I was touched by this story and hope those people can come around for you. You are so strong. I am thinking of your family tonight.
Much love, Diana
San Diego, California
May your beautiful daughter Ansley be dancing with the angels as God smiles over her today and everyday until your eternal reunion. Godspeed Ansley!
Jessica,
Although I cannot imagine what you go through on a day to day basis. I just wanted you to know that your beautiful daughter Ansley is being thought about and prayed for. Wishing you peace Jessica as you think of your precious girl. Ann SW Ohio
Jessica, Thank you for speaking the words of abandonment that some of us can’t even put into a sentance so well. You inspire me and prick my concience as I know I have felt that awkward silence and avoided it myself…it seems so different when you are the one it is directed toward even when you know it is not intentional. Your forever angel is remembered in Susquehanna PA on this day because it is never too late to honor or remember.
Ansley was a beautiful little girl!
Jessica, I just read Glennon’s post and felt much love and compassion towards you. Ansley is a blessed angel to have you for her mom.
May you feel God’s loving presence beside you, behind you, in front of you, below you and above you every, every day. I too have an angel baby so have walked a similar path to yours. Blessings to you as you continue your journey.
{{{HUGS}}} to you and your family on this day. Because it’s not always “the day” that is hard, but every day. Ansley is not forgotten, and neither are you.
With love in my heart and tears in my eyes, holding sacred space for you, Jessica, and your sweet Ansley. From Alaina in Victoria, British Columbia.
My thoughts and blessings are with you and Ansley. Be sure that she knows about all the love that is happening around you both. Love from Connecticut.
Jessica,
Thinking about you and your beautiful, precious daughter. Ansley. You are not alone in your pain or your loss. May God bring strength to you and your family.
Howell, MI
My tears and heart break for you Jessica. I will always remember you and Ansley.
Jessica, all of us grieve with you on Ansley’s special day. I know your heartache too, unfortunately because no one remembers or mentions my daughter’s name, Mia. Time may help but a part of your heart is still missing. ANSLEY!! MIA!!
Jessica .. I celebrated my daughters 10th birthday this weekend …. I can only imagin how different our weekends must have been. I pray for you and your angel. May you and your loved ones always remember her smile and sweet laugh.
Perhaps they are not stars, but openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines upon us to let us know they are happy.
I’m sorry I saw this too late to post on little Ansley’s day but please know that another mumma is thinking of her and you and will always always share a smile when I hear her name wherever or whoever speaks it.
Peace to you and your family as you honor your precious daughter, Ansley, Jessica. You are brave.
Jessica , Ansley is so very proud of you and your strength and love for all, because you cared enough to ask for what you need! Hugs from Maryland
Jessica, your Ansley was so beautiful, and you will ALWAYS be her momma. Much love to you today.
Jessica, My heart is breaking for you, and the loss of your beautiful Ansley.
All I can say is that I admire your strength, and thank you for putting into words what so many are thinking.
People just don’t know how to react to tragedy, and after the initial support and sympathy they just seem to fall away.
Know that even from a distance, Ansley has not been forgotten. Ansley will not be forgotten. Her loss is felt in so many lives. Here in Australia I will remember her always, and light a candle for you both.
Jessica, thanks for reminding all of us that the easy way isn’t the right way. Your Ansley was so beautiful, and yes, you will ALWAYS be her momma! Much love to you today.
I am so sorry Jessica, thinking of your sweet Ansley today. Thank you for your courage to share your story. Love from Colorado.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and all your family as you remember and cherish the memory of your daughter Ansley. I am so proud of you and amazed at your strength to come through such a tragedy, and I know that you must cherish every moment and memory of her. A big hug from St. Louis, MO.
Sitting here at work thinking about you Jessica and your daughter Ansley and weeping for the life and the love that is fleeting. I can’t imagine….. And thank you for reminding us that even though it is fragile, it is worth living and celebrating each and every moment. Sending peace to you from north west Ohio.
Jessica, you are a strong and courageous woman .Thank you for sharing your story and helping us to understand how we can minister to parents who have lost a child.
I am very touched by this. My son passed away 2 years ago of a terrible disease. It is so true that people don’t know what to say and do fall silent. I honor Jessica today by letting her know that she is not alone and that her beautiful little girl is in a better place waiting for her.
Many blessings.
I am thinking of you as holding space for you and sweet Ansley. You are her mama and I understand how fiercely you love her. She is still with you and she will always be. You and your family are in my prayers.
Holding space for you and Gabriel, Amanda.
Thank you for coming forward and talking about this. We just recently lost our son Gabriel after a week long battle
battle. His time was too short but we loved every moment of it. God bless you and Ansley, and thank you for sharing.
-Gabriel’s mommy- Amanda from Thornton Colorado
Thinking of you and holding space for Gabriel.
Ansley, Ansley, Ansley. She is beautiful. She is loved. She is remembered.
Stephanie
San Francisco, CA
Thinking of your sweet Ansley, and you, her brave momma. Love from Alaska.
Jessica – I’m a dl few days late but I wanted you to know Ansley is being remember from St. Louis tonight. I cannot imagine the heart ache you are living through but know while we are strangers I am carrying your burden tonight. You and the living memory of Ansley will be in my thoughts and orayers❤️
Jessica,
God bless you and your sweet girl Ansley. What a beautiful name for a beautiful child. I lost my Brayden at 13 days old after he was born 16wks early. I have lived that feeling that no one remembers your precious child but you. Know that, for what it’s worth, I will remember Ansley. And I pray you find healing and comfort wherever you are on this journey we share.
Angel mommas forever and always.
Love from Zanesville, OH <3
Dear Jessica & Family,
May Ansley feel everyone’s love for her today and everyday. May she know she is loved to the moon AND BACK. –Deanna (Chicago)
Jessica I’m saying prayers for you and your family that you feel God and Ansley ‘s love right now, right at this very moment. I’m so grateful for such a wonderful way to honor your precious baby girl! God bless you and your family.
For Ansley, and for you Jessica. May The Lord Bless and Keep Your heart full of love. Know that she is with you in your thoughts and prayers.
Loosing my mother, I too felt the pull away from some close friends and my mom’s friends. They helped us thoroughout the funeral and then, gone. I spent a lot of time with them and miss. It’s been almost four years and I now realize, I too should call and show up as they too, lost a dear friend.
Sending you prayers and thoughts from New Jersey. The pictures shared here of Ansley are so precious! Thank you for this lesson, I will take it with me and do my best to not be silent when I don’t know what to say. Thank you for sharing Ansley with us and teaching us.
(((((Jessica)))))))). Thinking of Ansley all the way from Seaside, Oregon.
some additional mama tears from Seattle for you and your loss of Ansley. Thinking of you and your girl today.
Jessica & Family,
I hope Ansley is staring down on the broken hearts on Earth today as they remember her. And I hope she feels that she is loved to the moon AND BACK. –Deanna (Chicago, IL)
Beautiful Ansley – your time here on this earth was much to short but sure you’re showering your momma, Jessica, with love and smiles each and every day!
“What your heart has once loved, it will never lose.” Ansley is still with you in every moment and breath. Know you are being showered with love and that God is holding both your hands, connecting you across the physicsl gap until upu are together again. Blessings and loving thoughts coming to you and Ansley today.
I too lost a son, he only lived 67 days. I’m thinking of you today!
Jessica, Today I’m thinking of you and of your precious Ansley and also of my mom that passed unexpectedly just this past week. Hugs to you. I know how important it is to remember the priceless moments we have spent with those we love and have lost. ~ Karen (Maryland)
idk what to say after that but my tears, my thoughts and my prayers are with you, Ansleys mama!! from the heart of a Louisianian who resides in Oregon.
May God bless you and your family.
As the mom of an Angel baby myself, I can identify with your feelings Jessica. while my family remembers my sons angel day many of my friends never say anything in regards to him on that day. I understand that everybody’s life goes on and they just don’t remember but I wish they would. it makes me feel like no one remembers my sweet Moses. I remember with you today your sweet angel. I know that you are loved today. may you feel the arms of Jesus wrapped around you.
Happy belated birthday, Ansley. You look as though you lit up lives with your presence. With love from another mama who knows about grief. (From Chicago)
Thank you for reminding us all of the need to keep communicating our love and support to those that are suffering, even if we’re afraid to say the wrong thing. Thinking of you Jessica and sweet little Ansley on this Angel’s Day.
Dear Jessica. I have spent long moments with these photos of your sweet daughter, Ansley, and cried for you and your family. Sending strength, and honor your way. Thank you for sharing your Ansley heart with us.
Jessica, thank you for being so very brave to stand up and share your heart, and your daughter with the monkees….and know that we will shelter you and Ansley with love, and comfort and strength. Ansley is now forever in my heart, with her adorable smile and big brown eyes…sending you all a tender heart hug <3
Ansley is a beautiful little girl! I’m certain all the love you gave her continues to shine in her heart. Sending prayers to you from South Carolina.
Cindy
Ansley….what a beautiful name. She is remembered in Beaufort, SC.
Wendy
I lost my precious Chloe June 2, 2014 stillborn at 41 weeks gestation…I feel your pain…you are not alone…Ansley please laugh and play with Chloe. Your momma can’t wait to hold you again. Love from Sarasota, FL.
Jessica, honoring your angel Ansley today. I lost my son 24 days ago at 31 years old. And he is still my baby. Thoughts and prayers from Louisiana.
I am sending you and your family all of my love today, Jessica. Your daughter is not forgotten today. xo
Holding sacred space for you, Jessica, and for your beautiful Ansley. Remembering with you. I am Colleen, and my sixth son Bryce flew home to heaven in his sleep at 13 weeks old on September 1, 2009. I have walked the weeks of his life this year, since his birthday on May 26th, nearly alone, with barely a mention of him from friends and family. I know your ache, the grief that never seems to get better, so well. So happy to run to your side tonight and whisper Ansley’s name on your ear. I am now a missionary in Costa Rica providing prenatal and postpartum care for an underserved indigenous population in the name of our son (St. Bryce Missions). We hope to create a world where fewer mamas experience the ache of empty arms and where there is someone to run and sit with them when they do. I will carry Ansley with me as I care for mamas this week and make her sweet memory part of the love I share. Thank you for your bravery for letting the world know our story, us mommies who never stop hurting. I am grateful.
Remembering your Ansley form China Spring TX
Such a sweet face. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, and for giving us the opportunity to support you and others who are grieving. Hugs to you and your whole family!
Sarah in D.C.
May you feel all the love of your fellow mothers out there on this special day, Ansley’s “Angel Day.” Ask any mother what her greatest fear is and she will answer, “Losing a child.” I imagine that is why so many friends “fall away.” They live in fear that it will happen to them and they don’t want to face that fear.
I live in a small community in Oregon and we have lost what feels like more than our share of young people, many of whom went to school with my children. I have made a point of facing those losses and speaking with their mothers. I am a nurse and I have a little more practice than some people in speaking of death. I feel it is my role to broach scary and sad subjects to aid in healing.
Hi Jessica! It’s a few days past Ansley’s Angel day but still wanted to comment!
I pray that your day will filled with so much love and remembrance that you couldn’t help but smile!!! I know for sure she was smiling with you!
My Angels day is December 2nd, and his name is Jarod! Be blessed Ansley’s momma!! Be blessed!
Love from Oregon for your sweet baby girl Ansley. Sorry for your loss. xoxo
Sarah
Thinking of your little Ansley playing and loving my little nephew and niece, Joshua and Tabitha. Blessings to you, from Alberta, Canada. XO
Sending love and prayers from Charlottesville VA. What a beautiful child your Ansley is. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for being brave enough to standup in that room crowded with strangers and teach us all how to love one another better. Your words strike at my very soul, for you see, I saw an old friend just this past Sunday who in the last few years has lost two young grandsons. I so wanted to say something, to hug her tight, but I hesitatated because she looked so frail and then she was gone. She left not knowing that my heart holds her family close in prayer so often and that I care for them and wonder how they are doing. Your words spur me to action. I pray you are comforted by the comments on this page and knowing that you have changed us and will make the path a little easier for unknown other mommas as we move forward armed with your wise words and gentle prodding. Blessings upon you and your family Jessica.
What a beautiful name you gave her. She was probably a snuggly girl and I remember how great it felt to snuggle my two daughters. And I can only imagine how much you miss that.
Jane
Pickton, Texas
Thinking of you Jessica, Ansley such a sweet face and a precious girl.
Dear Jessica,
Thank you for sharing your sweet Ansley with us and for reminding people everywhere to Show Up and Say Their Name. I am so very sorry for your loss and am praying for peace & comfort for you, as you try to continue on in your new normal… it feels like we’re not only in a new chapter in life, but a whole new book, after the death of a child. We will have been missing our son Daniel for 5 years, come January, and he was 3 when he died… so they were around the same age (and his big sis just turned 9 in May, so they all could have been buddies). I know our kids are having the best time in heaven, but it doesn’t make the pain we feel from their loss here on earth, any easier. Be kind to yourself and offer yourself & others, grace… it covers over a multitude of wrongs. I love the pictures you sharer… it looks like she enjoyed eating!! She has a sweet smile…I understand how much you miss it & her. What we’d give for one more neck squeeze!
Blessings to you from Colorado ~Andrea
God bless you, your family, and especially your Ansley on this day. Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings about the loss of your child. So many of us are afraid to offend, so we say nothing. Going forward, I will remember your touching and heartfelt speech and try to just be kind. I do hope you were able to find a little bit of peace on this heart wrenching day.
Jessica,
May the peace of God and the love of all your sisters here bring you some comfort. Remember the beautiful times, hugs, kisses and love of your sweet Ansley!!
Love & Prayers,
Debbie
Hiram, GA
Better late than never…..I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine what this is like but you are in by prayers .
Thinking of you and your angel Ansley today.
Ansley is so so beautiful! Praying for you, mama!
I will remember your little angel Ansley today you’re such a good momma and always will be her momma no matter what! My heart goes out to you and your adorable angel baby. Much love!
To Ansley’s Mama, for Ansley. There is nothing like eternal love. Today, I learned about you and her…and although my note is a few days late, I know that doesn’t matter to you because she is forever for you. In my world, we say “eternal memory” but I personally say “eternal love”. God bless you!
To Ansley From Springfield MO
You are a such courageous and strong woman. Thank you for sharing with us so that we can know how be there for others.. I’m so grateful for you. The service you have done is immeasurable. Wishing you peace and love from Agawam, MA.
Hi Jessica – I cannot begin to know your pain. I have several friends who have lost their children due to a variety of reasons and I always admire how courageous they seem. Because of their God given strength, I think that I often forget their sweet babies. Thank you for reminding me how important it is to continue remembering them. I pray for you to be surrounded by friends who will continue to support you and help the world to always remember your precious daughter. (North Carolina)
My heart goes out to you dear Jessica….
I pray for light and love around you. Your sweet angel is so proud of you. .
Thank you for showing me that we should always pay attention to each others heartaches sending you big hugs
Northeast Philadelphia area
Thinking of you and your baby girl, Ansley, today. I have a few friends who have lost children and I will take your advice to heart. xoxo -JD from Boston, Mass.
I’m sending you and your sweet Angel girl a wicked huge, wicked awesome HUG from Boston!!! xoxo
Your beautiful little girl and family are being lifted in prayers today. xo
Happy Angel Day Sweet Little Ansley! Sending you love hugs and prayers Jessica!
♡ The Hencke Family , Northwest Georgia
Prayers and love to Ansley and Jessica, from Massachusetts.
Jessica…..remember Ansley today. It would have been my MomMom’s 90th birthday, but we lost her to cancer 8 years ago. Hugs to you and your family.
So sorry for your anguish. You are such a strong woman to share your story. May Ansley’s name be spoken often and hearing it bring you peace instead of pain.
My thoughts are with you today. What a beautiful little girl. I share your pain. I lost two little girls to heart defects. Megan and Nicole and I totally understand the feeling of having them forgotten. With the short time they are a part of our lives it is amazing the emptyness it leaves us to deal with when they are taken from us. I hope that you feel the love that is sent to you tonight. Your little sweetheart Ansley will be remembered in a big way. God be with you!
Love from Iowa
Jessica, I feel your pain my angel grew his wings 32years ago and i still miss him so but i talk about him because he is still one of my 5 children. you keep mentioning Ansleys name she will always be a big part of your family. love to you from Plymouth England ((((HUGS)))) xxxxxxx
Massachusetts is remembering Ansley and praying for you and your family Jessica.
Tried to post the opt her day, but kept telling me too many were posting. Thanks for sharing your story!
What a beautiful girl! Your sweet girl will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight and I am certain she is watching over you.
I will remember you. Tomorrow will be one year since my son died. I understand your pain. I am having christopher day tomorrow. To make sure he is not forgotten and that I am always known as christopher’s mama. I will keep you in my heart. Love and hugs to you.
My love goes out to you Jessica on Christopher’s Angel birthday xox
He will always be in your heart and know that his life mattered
Love and hugs to you xox
15/07/14
Prayers for you, Christopher’s momma. Love from union springs, NY
To Ansley
From philadelphia, pa
Jessica,
Your precious Ansley has spread love and prayers across this world in the last few days. Know that we are holding place for you and will continue your hard work of sharing the missing with those that have lost. Love from Daytona Beach, FL
Ansley is beautiful! You are loved, sweet mama! I pray that you feel the love surrounding you, and that you see happy signs from Ansley often.
Love and hugs from San Diego, CA
Laurie Gallamore
Sending hugs to you today from Delaware. Remembering your sweet girl on her Angel Day:) thanks for sharing her with us all!
Jessica, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the sorrow you and your family must still suffer every day. My daughter is about the age of your Ansley and it’s such a wonderful age – I’m glad you got to experience the joy of watching your daughter start to blossom into her own little person and start to really interact with the world, even if it was cut short far too soon. I hope you are able to find some measure of peace in knowing that others are supporting you from afar (Bucks Co., PA in my case). This was such a touching post, and reading Jessica’s words made me acknowledge that I have been guilty of the “say nothing” approach when there don’t seem to be adequate words to express my sorrow for someone’s grief. She inspired me to get over it and contact an acquaintance who lost a child to a late term miscarriage last year to _finally_ express my condolences. Better late than never, I suppose, and I will keep this lesson with me in the future when I’m not sure what to say.
Jessica my heart aches for you today. Those beautiful pictures of your sweet Angel, Ansley are so very sweet. My daughter Taylor also died around that same age and I hope they are playing together in Heaven right now. You are and will forever be Ansley`s mommy and I pray for comfort for you. Sending hugs your way. Becky