Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,537 Comments
Jessica my name is Billie Jean. I am from Kentucky but now reside in TN. Your little girl Ansley is beautiful and what a beautiful name! I am currently in FL on a “vacation” get away because as yesterday was an exceptionally hard day for you tomorrow July 16 is the day 8 years ago my world come apart & nothing would ever be the same again. My oldest son, Tyler, died at age 19 from a motorcycle accident. I know the road you walk is unbearably hard you are not alone and your child is not forgotten.
Love and light to you and sweet little Ansley from Wisconsin.
Dear Jessica I am thinking of you and your sweet angel Ansley at this very moment. Sending hugs and comfort to you from Ohio.
what a sweet little girl. and that she will always be.
Dear Jessica,
I know this is a day late, but I am just reading it today. Prayers and love coming your way from St Louis, Mo. You are truly a warrior! God bless you and comfort you. Little Ansley is with her Heavenly Father and you will see her again one day! Thank you for teaching us how to help those who are grieving such a great loss.
Sending love to you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Baby Girl Ansley. Sending you love and hugs from Chalmers, Indiana.
Love,
Jen Stuart
Hugs to you from Soldotna Alaska
Dear Jessica,
Belated blessings to you from Roanoke, Virginia. My heart breaks for you on the anniversary of losing beautiful Ansley. Hands around the world hold you today. Many blessings, Jenn
Sending you and your family love and light, Jessica. Ansley has touched us all. Thank you for sharing your truth.
Jenny in Los Angeles, CA
She is beautiful. And remembered and loved.
Love and prayers for you, your family, and your beautiful Angel. Ansley is not forgotten and you are not alone in your pain.
Love,
Tara
Ansley was lucky to get you for a mama, Jessica… But, as mothers, we both know YOU are the blessed one to know and love her. I will remember Ansley.
Andrea
Buffalo, MN
Remembering Ansley in Oakland, ca
Thinking of you and your precious little angel Ansley! I lost my angel at 21. I hear your heart! Sending prayers from Oklahoma!
Chicago is remembering Ansley.
Thank you for reminding us to remember!
Remembering Ansley and praying for those who miss her!
Woodinville, WA
Jessica,
I read your story, thank you for sharing your feelings and your loss with us about your precious daughter, Ansley. At the present time 3,128 individuals have sent a message of love and support to you today. Through you Ansley has taught each of us a very important lesson, that of remembering and showing our love and support to those who have lost loved ones. My heart cries for you and the loss you feel. Thank you for having the courage to express what needs to be said. Praying for you.
Jerre
Houston, Tx
Dear Jessica, We are with you in spirit today, remembering your sweet angel, Ansley, on her Angel Day — coming to you from our hearts here in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Much love to Ansley and Ansley’s momma from Kaukauna, WI.
I appreciate your honesty and am remembering you and your precious daughter in my prayers. What a beautiful child!
I have also lost a child, although not as old as yours. Knowing the memories you still hold dear in your heart keeps her alive in you every moment if every day she will live on in you forever. With many thoughts and prayers and kindness your way. Bless you Jessica. Rochelle from Wisconsin
Jessica, Ansley is beautiful! What a proud momma you must be. I am so very sorry that her little life ended while she was so young. It must be beyond words to have to live with that each day. Thank you for introducing us to her! Carry on, Warrior Momma! You are loved by many sisters 🙂
Sending you peace and love as you continue your journey. I will think of your sweet angel today. And here mama.
Hugs from South Carolina
Happy birthday to a beautiful Ainsley. You are in my thoughts and prayers on this day and many after.
Sending love your way from Nashville, NC
The loss of a child is so hard to bare. You are not alone our prayers are with you. Lord Jesus hold you in His arms . Remembering Ansley in Horicon ,WI.
Sending love from Atlanta, Georgia, in memory of your sweet Ansley.
Jessica,
Remembering Ansley today from Sacramento with heaps of love. She is precious, and I join everybody here today in holding space for her, you, and your family.
Ansley is a beautiful little girl! My thoughts, love, and prayers are with you and your family.
Much love,
Sandy in Minnesota
Jessica, I’m sorry for yours and your families loss. I hope that all of the posts today showed you that you are not alone and that your daughter, Ansley, is not forgotten. Whether or not your family understands your feelings there are many people who do understand. If not for the support of a group called M.E.N.D. here in Texas, my wife and I would have struggled a lot more. Prayers for you from the Miller family, today and every day.
I’m from Louisville, Ky but tonight I’m thinking of you and your precious Ansley from Georgia. Thank you for letting us know how important it is for us to keep showing up. I’m holding space for your daughter, Ansley, and you in my heart and in my prayers tonight. Big LOVE!
Remembering your beautiful Ansley today in Cincinnati. She is a lucky lady to have a strong and wonderful mom who continues to share the love of being a mom with all of us. Sending sincere love.
Bless you on Ansley’s Angel Day. Thank you for your advice on how to communicate with parents that have lost a child.
Jessica,
My best friend lost her son and we celebrate and talk of her Riley often. I’m celebrating Ansley’s sweet life now with you. I hope you never feel alone in this anymore.
Jessica – I am so sorry for your loss. And thank you for your honesty. I had two friends lose children this year, and I didn’t know what to say to them for the longest time. Now I know that I just need to say something and love them. Ansley was so fortunate to have you as her mother.
First of all, I love your daughter’s beautiful name. Second, my arms are squeezing you through your heartache today and every minute of every day. Ansley is with you today…. Maybe in spirit, maybe as a stunning dragonfly, but she is HERE with you. Hugs from a mom in Indiana.
You are never alone. Stay strong.
Hugs from Indiana. XOX
Thank you, dear Lord Jesus, for the precious gift of Ansley. Bless in a special way her mother, Jessica. Surround us with Your comfort.
Allentown, PA
Love and prayers for Ansley and you, the family she left behind. ((((((Hugs)))))
Thinking of you on your angel’s day – sending warm thoughts and hugs to you and your family. Remembering Ansley today.
Love,
Megan
Denver, CO
A day late, but this household in Fort Worth, TX is full of love and virtual hugs for you today, Jessica, on Ansley’s angel day.
Thank you, Jessica, for helping us to learn from Ansley’s story.
I will be thinking of you today in Urbana, IL, and hoping to honor the love you shared.
Blessings to you and your beautiful angel Ansley!
Much love from New York
Thinking of you and Ansley.
– Amy in Cincinnati, oh
Your daughter Ansley looked so beautiful and happy. Thanks for sharing your story and reminding us how we can keep our loved ones alive in our hearts. Thinking of our niece Quinn, who was also lost so early, but her life continues to be an impact on our family.
Love from North Dakota, Kary
Sweet, sweet Ansley. It is so great that I found this today. I have two babies, Paisly and Cohen who are no longer with us. I was speaking with friends today; their friend’s daughter passed away one year ago tomorrow, she was 11 years old, was an only child and it was a very traumatic event. As they asked, what do we do, this was my exact answer- it is a mother’s fear that their child will be forgotten. Paisly passed four years ago and Cohen a little over a year and it is my greatest fear that no one will remember them in 10 years. They mattered, Ansley, Paisly, Cohen, Lauren; they all mattered and they all made BIG changes in this world! Thinking and praying for you today and remembering sweet Ansley and the big changes she made on this world.
Ryan
Asheboro, NC
Ansley And Jessica Much Space From PA:)
So glad to be thinking of you and your Ansley tonight. Big hugs and lots of love from Pensacola, Florida
Jessica, I am Colleen. I am Bryce’s mama. He was my sixth son. He flew home to heaven in his sleep on September 1, 2009 at 13 weeks old. Thank you for standing up brave for all us mamas who grieve for days and months and years with no end until the Kingdom comes and go it alone so many of those days. Thank you for sharing Ansley with us. I am now a missionary providing prenatal and postpartum care and support for an underserved indigenous population in Costa Rica. We founded a non-profit that bears our son’s name (St. Bryce Missions) and hope to keep other babies in their mommies’ arms through our work. But even that doesn’t take away the need to have another mama run to me and remember my little one as a person who lived and breathed and smiled and was so very real. Being far away from all who know my history makes that even less frequent. It took my two days to come back to this post and comment because I just could not find the words to tell you I know. I know your pain and I know the deafening silence that makes you angry and I know the empty itch that never quite leaves your arms. And I know the joy you want to remember and the hope that keeps you taking the next breath and the smell you wish you smell one more time. So from Bryce’s mama to you, Ansley’s mama, please know you are held.
I am late as I am at Mayo Clinic with my daughter. My husband and his wife lost a daughter, their only child. We talk about Jill, even though I never knew her. She would have been 30 and she passed at the age of 6. He thinks of Jill every single day.
God be with you and your angel. You both are in our hearts.
Jessica, Ansley seemed so sweet and although I know you miss her dearly I hope you can still remember her and smile like I did seeing her sweet face.
Hugs from phoenix, az
Thinking of you and all of Ansley’s loved ones. Sending love from seattle!
Sweet Ansley. Sweet Jessica. Thinking of you both today. With love, from Vermont.
Ansley…a beautiful name for your beautiful girl. Much love to you, Jessica.
Remembering sweet Ansley on her Angel Day. My angel is Eliza Claire and her Angel Day is Oct 14. Praying for this sweet mama, no one should ever endure that pain. Grace and peace to you, Jessica.
Ansley is beautiful. My heart goes out you. Love from Chicago.
Remembering Ansley in Fort Myers FL. Sending you love and prayers today
Thinking of you and your Ansley today, Jessica.
-in VA
Bless sweet baby Ansley on her Angel Day. Thoughts of love to Jessica aka Ansley’s mama forever and always.
Thinking of Ansley and her beautiful, strong, loved mama today
I’ve had 2 friends to lose precious children in the past 9 years. every birthday and angel day I text them and/or reach out as I truly cannot imagine/fathom the agony of losing a child and thinking that no one remembers them and/or acknowledges them day in and day out.. Their spirits and love are still so present with us and all of the angels will never be forgotten. May you feel the love and support of all your friends and family and be lifted up and soothed by precious memories and know that one day, you’ll be together again in heaven. Love and prayers from Winston-Salem, nc.
Jessica, Thank you for the powerful message you shared in Atlanta. It was truly an honor to be in your presence, and you touched each person sitting in the audience with your words and message. You and Ansley have been in my prayers each day since and will continue to be so. You have a beautiful daughter, and you in turn are a strong and beautiful mama. Sending hugs and peace from Roswell, GA.
Sending light and love from New Milford, CT. Your Ansley is a beautiful angel and I hope you can feel her presence with you. She loves you and knows you love her so much. <3
Jessica,
I am remembering your beautiful Ansley today. I can not imagine what you must feel every day. I lost someone very close to me on this day last year. Know that every year when I think of him I will also be celebrating a beautiful little girl also. God bless you and know you will get to hold your Ansley again when you are called home.
Love from New Jersey
Love peace hugs butterfly kisses Angel Ansley always with you always loving you always holding you silently. Always there with you so your never really alone!!
Ah, I’ve been offline for a few days & am just seeing this. How lovely for this to be the first thing I see when returning to the web…sisters showing up in love, in DROVES.
Sending love and wishes for sweet Ansley memories to Jessica, and lifting up all the other precious angel babies and warrior families out there. You are stronger than you know!
As a momma who has lost a baby before he/she even came into this world, I understand how every day can be your precious Ansley’s Angel Day. I pray for you and your family to find healing, peace, and acceptance. I pray for Ansley, who I know, is up in Heaven raining down love, kisses, and giggles upon you and her Daddy.
Princess Ansley 🙂
She is held in her mothers memories always.
Beautiful little girl, you will be remembered.
Love from Alabama — Karen Vera
I would like to say something to Jessica. I’m Julia, from Brazil, and I’m 29 years old. Three months after my baby was born I lost one of my best friends. He had leukemia and died two days after discovering it. His parents, his friends, nobody had a time to swallow this, we didnt have a time to prepare, if that is even possible. The damage to his family was so big that until today, two years after he died, we dont talk about it with them. And I cried when I read this post because they might be waiting for us to talk about it. And all they get is silence.
So, Im really sorry for you little girl. I cant imagine the pain you went through, but I wish from now on people will be there to support as they can, to talk, to listen, to be there only.
Im sending love from here to you and to your family!
My best wishes, Julia.
Love and prayers for you, your family, and your dearest Ansley. I understand your pain and suffer all too well. How I long to hear my daughter Lourdes name be spoken, without worry come over someones face. Much love from Kahoka, MO
I found this a day late, but I’m here, thinking of you and your precious Ansley in Vancouver, Canada. And I promise, I’ll be there for anyone that I know if, heaven forbid, they experience loss like this. Thanks for reminding us that we all need to show up for those we love.
Jessica your daughter Ansley is beautiful… May God continue to give you strength and comfort until you are with your precious child again and next time it will be perfect, God promised Revelations 21:4-5. I am 4 years 10 months and 4 days closer to being with my precious twin son Zachary. Zachary was our gift for 7 years 9 months and 4 days. Holding you close to my heart.
Thinking of you and your angel.
XOXO
Amy
MS
Jessica – Thank you for your words and your bravery in speaking so clearly for what you need and inviting us all into your world to honor Ansley. You opened my eyes to how to be a better friend. I am sure that Ansley would be proud.
Theresa
I have been incredibly lucky and never lost a child. I have two beautiful children. But due to medical reasons I can’t have any more. I feel like I don’t have the right to mourn, but I do. I know that many have not been able to conceive, have miscarried, lost a child shortly after birth, or well before their time. I cannot imagine your pain but I do mourn for you, with you.
Jessica- I’m taking more than just a moment to remember your daughter today. Thinking of you and sending comforting thoughts your way. I believe that Ansley is with you and shining her love down on you and I pray that you feel her with you.
May Ansley RIP and smile down on you from wherever she is waiting for you to join her. Love and healing thoughts both of your way tonight.
Ansley’s Mama, Jessica,
Remembering your Ansley today. Sending you lots of support and love. I know what it is to lose and to think of them every single day for 6 years and want to talk about it still, all the time. This is a safe place to talk about Ansley, any time you want. Here at Momastery, and here with me. I’d love to hear about her.
Holding you both in my heart.
Princess Ansley;
We miss you! We love you….
Warrior Jessica;
I hurt with you… My heart grieves with yours…
I cannot imagine the pain that you go thru.
Thank you for being brave and for sharing your life ( even the most difficult moments) with us.
Xxx
Love;
Daniela and Romina (3 years old)
Jessica,
Thoughts and prayers with you always.
From Fargo, ND
Tears for your family, my heart breaks for you. -in Philadelphia, PA
Ansley is a beautiful girl. I pray you hear her voice clear and memories even clearer. My sweet boy Collins is with her. I just have to believe they are all part of a special club!
God bless you and comfort you and your family Jessica. Prayers going up for you from Indiana.
Saying a prayer for Ansley and Jessica and am so grateful that you have introduced us to this amazing little girl. We remember her with you. Much love and my deepest sympathy from Nova Scotia, Canada.
A day late but sending you and your family hugs and love from Ontario, Canada, grieving with you at this time and praying that some day your wonderful memories will vastly outweigh your grief.
Remembering Ansley in Chicago.
Thoughts and prayers for you and Ansley. She was and will always be a beautiful girl.
Love,
Crystal
Fullerton, CA
Jessica,
I am stopping today and praying for you and your precious Ansley. Love and peace from Memphis, TN.
Love to you, Jessica, and sending out love to you for Ansley and your precious memories of her. I am so sorry for your loss, dear one.
Thank you so much fir sharing your struggle with us. I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can do nothing more than send you love, peace and the fact that I will think of your angel! God bless
Look at that little face. So beautiful. So sorry, Mom.
Jessica,
May you feel the hugs and bright love we are sending from Olmsted Falls, Ohio.
May Ansley’s smile and love always be with you and your family.
Jessica,
Thinking of you and your sweet baby girl, Ansley. God Bless.
-Dawn, NJ
Ansley is beautiful! Thinking of you.
Ansley.
I was in that church in Atlanta with you that night, Jessica. And, I’m in the room with you tonight – the room of monkees who will always love and support you, and show up. My daughter is a couple months younger than your Ansley and, funny enough, we nearly named her Ainsley. She is a vibrant nine-year-old wonder who has changed my world forever, just as your Ansley did for you. Thank you for sharing your story, for sharing Ansley with us. Today, tomorrow, and always.
And, thank you, G. Thank you beyond measure for keeping your word to remember Ansley’s Angel Day.
Love from Idaho!
Sending love and prayers from North Carolina! Our family has an angel, too! Her name is Jessica (my niece) and we remember her, especially on her “angel day” December 9th! Maybe they are playing together♡ God Bless!
Ansley is a beautiful name and what a precious gem she is! I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m imagining her celebrating in heaven! Bless you, Jessica. Your family and your sweet baby will be in our prayers tonight.
Vicki,
From Minnesota.
Thinking of you and your sweet baby today. May you feel the sun shine on your face and feel her spirit with you.
Love,
Michelle Duclos – holly springs North Carolina
Remembering Ansley in Edwardsville IL.