Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,537 Comments
Prayers were said for you and Ansley today. I cry with you as we lost our grandson, Tyler, May 14,2010. I watch my daughter deal with her pain everyday and I think to myself what a strong woman she is. Every year we celebrate his birthday and angel day with the cake and balloons. We wonder what he would be like. At Christmas and his birthday we get together and make a contribution in his name to a children’s organization. We never got a reason why other than sometimes these things happen. I never knew what to say to my daughter but you can just sit with someone and let them know you are there. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Angel Ansley. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. You are not alone even though you may feel that way sometimes.
Sending a late evening hug and a prayer…
Jessica – Your sweet Ansley’s memory is for a blessing for the world. And your sharing your heart is a blessing for all of us. With great love from Philadelphia.
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley here in Connecticut!
Thinking of You, your family, and your sweet Angel, Ansley. Hugs sweet friend
Jennifer
Jessica,
So deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ansley! My heart aches for you; I can’t imagine the pain and devastation you feel. Hugs that you will find good memories to keep your Ansley’s spirit alive always.
Hugs,
Jen Baboyian
Naperville, IL
Thinking of Ansley
Hugs from NY
Thinking of you and your beautiful girl.
Your daughter Ansley is beautiful. I pray you felt close to her today and yesterday and always. You are a wonderful mama and I’m so sorry for your loss.
-Lisa in Georgia
Praying for your sweet family and thinking about your beautiful girl on this angel day. Much love to you. Xoxoxo
What a beautiful little girl, celebrating as an angel. We’re thinking of you down here, Ansley.
Jessica – I was not there the night that you spoke your beautiful, brave heart, but you have impacted my life through your words. My friend, Joy, lost her son Sam not long ago, and while I have wanted to do something, I have felt lost trying to figure out what to do. Now I know. I show up, share her pain, and let her know I won’t forget her sweet boy. Thank you for being brave, and helping me through your pain. Your daughter Ansley has not been forgotten. We all share in her story, and we will remember with you. Blessings, love, and light to you.
Hugs and prayers from Georgia!
Jessica and family, our hearts go out to you today and every day. We will keep your precious Ansley in our thoughts and prayers. What a beautiful child and such a heartbreaking loss. Lots of love to you and your angel from Washington DC
I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious Ansley. Lifting prayers for you today. ~
Jennie
Salem, Oregon
What a beautiful baby your Ansley is! Love and hugs and thoughts…all good energy to you and your family.
Paige
Monroe, GA
Praying for your family, Jessica. Your darling Ansley is dancing today.
My prayers are with you and your precious angel Ansley.
Philadelphia, PA.
No words , just love and peace to you on this day and always.
Jessica, I am so sorry you lost Ansley. I am sending love and light your way from Falls Church, VA. I will pray for your heart to continue to heal.
Love,
Alison
Jessica,
You are not alone, all the way in London Ontario we hear you, we are with you, we think of you and Ansley.
Heather Gray
London Ontario
Thinking of you, your family and your beautiful Ansley. We are with you.
-Paula, Washington, DC
Jessica – tonight I send you and Ansley light and love from Ardmore, Oklahoma. Love Wins
Jodi
Jessica,
On this day, and all the others too – know that your precious Anslay is alive and well in your mind and heart and with the rest of us Warrior Parents around the globe. I pray she has found my Kory and Jasmine the Wonder Pup and they are having a glorious time together up in Heaven.
Much love and lots of prayers!
Paula in VA
KP 9/88 – 2/14 <3
Dear Jessica and angel Ansley,
You are both in my heart today. Ansley watch over your mom and know that there are lots of people thinking of you both today and everyday. You are loved.
Just read this article and wanted to lift you, Jessica, in prayer. Ansley was your precious little girl and she won’t be forgotten. She will forever be in your heart and now in the hearts and minds of thousands around the world. – from Tennessee
Hugs to you Jessica and thank you for sharing your beautiful Ansley with us all. My precious Lydia gained her wings at age 2 and everything you said holds so true. It is the worst pain imaginable and being able to have others acknowledge it helps. Thinking of you on your sweet girl’s angelversary.
Sending so much love to you, Jessica, and to your beautiful girl, Ansley. How proud she must be of her wonderful mama. Hugs from Pennsylvania xo
A day late but Jessica, I am thinking of you and Ansley! What a beautiful girl and what a brave mom…so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you, Jessica. Ansley is beautiful and no doubt so proud to be your baby girl.
Love,
Weezie’s mommy
Indianapolis, Indiana
I’m so sorry I didn’t see this until today. I missed your baby’s day by a day. I know that any day your baby is remembered is a good day and I’ve said a prayer for you and her today, and those who have lost babies. I thank God (not enough) for my healthy 20-something daughters. I pray I die before them. I pray illness upon me; not them. I pray they know how very much I love them when the time comes that we are separated by death. I’m sorry for your loss.
Jessica, I pray that you find comfort in all of the messages and thoughts and prayers that others have left for you on this page. My oldest daughter Adelle is nine, and I think of your beautiful girl with tears in my eyes as I type and imagine my little girl not being with us. May you be blessed in all the heartfelt messages here!
For your sweet angel Ansley, I am so sorry for your loss, my prayers for you and your family.
Jeree’
Raleigh NC
Jessica, prayers for comfort and peace for you and all the other mothers with Angel Days. Ansley is not forgotten.
Jennifer
Houston, TX
Jessica,
You and your baby were in our prayers tonight. I hope you feel surrounded by love, that you are not alone, that you do not have to grieve alone. And I, a total stranger, saw pictures of your beautiful baby, and will think of your beautiful Ansley tonight.
God bless.
Jessica, Thank you for telling your story. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for being vulnerable. I am so glad that Ansley has a mother that loved her so much. Please know that you are not alone in your pain and your sadness. Here in Kennesaw, GA, I am holding you and Ansley with love.
Hugs and prayers!
Tennessee
I’m a day late, but I am lighting a candle for your sweet Ansley right now. Bless.
Praying for your angel, Ansley and for your whole family!
I hope you feel the love that surrounds you and your sweet Ansley today and always.
Jessica,
At this moment, I stop to say a prayer for Ansley. I now it’s a day later than her angel day, but I trust that she is an angel every day. Know that love wins. And that only kindess matters, no matter who you are, no matter where you are. God bless.
For Ansley. Sweet, precious angel Ansley. From Jayson’s mama.
Jessica,
I said a prayer for you and Ansley today. You will be in my heart & prayers now.
Becky
Blacksburg, VA
Please know that you and your family are in my prayers. Ansley’s name is said in my prayers tonight. I will think of what you said when talking to my family about my nephew, Thomas, on his angle day!
I am so sorry for your loss.
Amy (Hilliard,OH)
Love, and prayers, and tears for your sweet sweet Ansley. Thinking of you both, here in Naperville, Illinois.
Jessica,
Many people try to say “I understand” when in reality, they just don’t. How could they unless they are part of the “club” of unfortunate ones who lost a child all too soon? Please believe me when I say that I do understand. Like you, not a day goes by that we don’t think of our sweet Lizzy. Ansley is as lucky to have had you as her earthly mother as you are lucky to have had her, however brief the time here was. Sending you love and prayers from Texas.
With love,
Liz
Thinking of you and praying for you today. You are not alone.
Ansley Ansley Ansley. Hear her name She will forever be in your heart
Jessica,
My oldest daughter is the age Ansley would be today. I have had the joy of spending most of the day with my daughter was saddened to read that this is your daughter’s Angel Day. I imagine that my none year old has mirrored, in some small way, in an act or smile or laugh or something, something your nine year old Ansley would have done or said. I send you thoughts and energy of that nine year old spirit as your daughter surely lives on in your mind and the minds of your loved ones not just as she was but as she would be.
Loving wishes to you.
I’m a day late but I say her name today and I say yours. You are a mother of a beautiful angel just like I am. All my love to you <3 xoxoxo
How we hold the love in our hearts… in our minds… and in our hands… But all forgets our pain.. all forgets the hurt.. all forgets our little love ones.. and we hold dear all that remembers…
Jessica.. you put it in words that I haven’t been able to… “as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”…
I and going to post this on my FB… maybe my friends will get it… My Joshua’s Angel Day Nov. 25 it will be 9 years this Nov.
I am thinking of you, your family and all the love you have for sweet Ansley to night..
Ansley. Such a beautiful name. And some day that name will bring a smile as well as a tear. Love from Marquette, Michigan.
What a beautiful little girl Ansley was! I bet she is smiling down on you from heaven, and can’t wait to see you again. Hugs to you, Jessica!
What a beautiful angel! The world was so blessed to have had the opportunity to be part of her life in some way. I pray people speak of your daughter often, thank you for sharing your story.
Hello Jessica. Even though I do not know you, I want to honor you and Ansley today. Ansley was a beautiful little girl! I bet she had lots of spunk and know she was your joy in life. I so sorry for your loss Jessica. I live in Melbourne, Florida. If you live in the area, I would love to have lunch with you. You can tell me all about your precious Ansley and I will gladly listen, laugh and cry with you. God bless you.
I just saw this and wanted to let you know Ansley is very much on the mind of a mom in Balch Springs Texas. Anytime you wanna swap stories about our children I’m more than willing. (((HUGS))) !
Jessica, your darling Ansley is beautiful! I know she was a treasure to you and all who knew her! I pray you have many friends begin to show up for you because loss is hard enough; enduring it alone is impossible! Hugs and love to you on this difficult day. May you tell everyone you meet all the wonderful things about Ansley and may they always remember her!
Stopping and thinking of you and your Angel. ..from Massachusetts
Stopping and thinking of you and your angel
Jessica what a brave momma Ansley would be proud. Happy Birthday in heaven. So sorry for your loss.
Jessica,
I am so sorry for the death of your daughter. You are brave and strong and keeping her legacy alive.
Megan from Michigan
Hi Ansley. My name is Rebecca and my son Brendan is an angel with you as well. His birthday is the 30th of July and his Angel day on January 6. I imagine you guys get to play wonderful games together.
Jessica,
I know your pain very well and live with it daily as well. Your daughter is gorgeous and is saving a special place for you, her mother.
Stay strong for your darling daughter as I for my son, even on the harder days.
Hugs from another mother with an angel.
Rebecca
What a beautiful story. I can relate to that feeling, Jessica. I have a child with special needs that some people in our lives avoid altogether. I also lost my mom recently, and as much as it hurts, I love to talk about her, hear stories & share memories. So, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ansley. Sending hugs from Woodbury, MN.
Jessica, hear this name, “Ansley” whispered today and throughout the year in memory of your angel. I am sorry some of your friends have drifted away, but know you are held in virtual arms today by many caring people.
Thinking of you on Ansley’s angel day. I do not know you Jessica, but I am a Mom and Grandma who is sending you a virtual hug, from one Mom to another. From Laura in Helena, Alabama
I’m a day late for Ansley’s Angel Day, but wanted to share the love. I thank God I still have my boys to hold, but working ina hospital, I’ve heard the mourning of families after being told their baby has passed, and my heart aches for each of you. ♡
Stopping my world today to tell you of my prayers for you and your little saint, Ansley. May God bless you with his comforting presence – and thank you for helping us reach out to those who need us.
Jessica, as a Mom also. My heart goes out to you and will be thinking of you and thinking about Ansley. She will be missed in this world.
I can’t imagine to know your pain, but know we are praying for you and sweet Ansley tonight, Jessica. You are loved. You are supported. You are Ansley’s mom. God bless.
thinking of you and your sweet angel, Ansley…much love to you and your family.
Bless you Jessica. . Happy birthday to your precious Ansley. You are loved!!!
Happy Belated Birthday Ansley! You are a beautiful little girl and your Mommy and family miss you very much. I wish you hadn’t been given your wings so soon. Sometimes things happen and we don’t understand why. Sometimes things just aren’t right or fair.
Give love to my angels up there for me.
Jessica, much love and hugs. You’re not alone.
Hugs,
Laura from Chicago
Ansley you will never be forgotten because you are still alive in the hearts of many …. As is my baby boy Mateo …. and the many thousands of angels in heaven that look after us and their brothers snd or sisters on earth …
Jessica,
Thank you for sharing your Ansley with us. For opening up to your pain and allowing all of us to hold a tiny little bit of it. Thank you for saying so perfectly what grieving people need most. I am certain that what you have done has helped others…and I hope it’s also helped you. Big, huge love coming at you from North Carolina.
Sweet Jessica,
No one understands a mother’s loss until they have lost a child, and even then their story and grief looks so different. I’m so glad you were blessed with sweet Ansley for 2 years and got to experience her love and passion for life! I will remember her with you!!
-Sarah in Gainesville, FL
Happy heavenly angel to you Ansley. And my prayers are with you Jessica. I can’t imagine what you are enduring. My heart absolutely breaks for you.
Jessica- I am thinking about your beautiful daughter, Ansley, and praying that God may provide some peace in your heart. Ansley would have wanted her mommy to live happy. Hugs from Raleigh, NC
Sending prayers from Keokuk, Iowa.
Thinking of you and your family. There are no forgotten when the living still love enough to speak the name and invoke the memory. Thank you for helping us all do that for you and your little one.
Sending Love, prayer and hugs to you. Ansley was beautiful! Happy heavenly birthday Ansley. I lost my beloved baby, Molly, three years ago. My heart remains broken. I hear you. I feel your pain.
Jessica,
You and Ansley are in my thoughts and heart. Hoping that you are finding some peace and comfort.
Hugs from Schaumburg, IL
May God keep you in His peace and know that all the moms who have children in heaven feel what you feel and are all with you in spirit. Memory Eternal!
Beautiful Ansley you are part of what makes this world turn and how we go about loving and caring for each other every day. Stay safe and happy with the beautiful children that have gone before you sweet girl. With love from Melbourne, Australia.
Prayers going up for you and your sweet girl.
Jessica, I didn’t get to read this until today but even though its not Ansley’s angel day anymore, I believe you would like her remembered today, too. I have never lost a child. I have friends that have lost children to disease, and I have friends who have lost children to accident/trauma. I don’t know how you deal with this. But I know you are brave and strong. Even when you feel the least like that. And I have no doubt Ansley will never be forgotten.
Happy Belated Birthday Beautiful Ansley… You will always forever be your mommys Guardian Angel. Jessica may you always be the proud mother of Ansley, she will forever live in you.
Tammie, from Mississippi
Jessica, I truly hope you feel not just the love and remembrance of Ansley, the recognition of your special, enduring bond with your sweet girl, but also the power and healing your ability to speak up and ask for what you need effected in the lives of countless others.
Jessica,
I wish you peace today and I’m thinking of Ansley. I lost my daughter Graysen in April and her birthday is this Sunday and I’m going to take your words to heart and continue to say Graysens name with pride and confidence. Thank you for saying what we warrior mamas are thinking. Xoxoxo
Kate Hill
Warrior Mama to her little warrior Graysen
July 20, 2013-April 12, 2014
Dear Jessica, I know what you mean that there isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think of your little girl. I am a daycare provider who took in a fragile little guy. I,firs,t took care of him at his home before he came to live with us as in foster care. We had him in our lives for 3 years before his parent took him to live with he and his wife. We then had him again as a daycare child. It was with joy and happiness that we were able to love him so….I thank the Lord and his parents for letting us be blessed by him!!! Our little guy died when he was 12 years old. He had been in our life since he was 18 months old. We cherished him…loved him so…I too remember no one talking about him after he had passed…no one that is except for the little ones in my care that also grew to love him and cherish him….everyday the talked about him and everyday our hurt started to heal….Those children are now 17, 16, and 15 years old. They were just 5,4,and 3 when he passed. When they come to visit me we still talk about our little friend…my little boy!!! and we still laugh and cry with and for each other!!! I always say that time teaches us how to keep living in the pain of our loss…but time never takes the pain away. We can’t stop talking about our babies who have passed…you are so right…we need to keep on talking and sharing about them and loving each other in the process!!! I pray for your heart to have peace and for you to have a sense of calmness as you grieve for your liitle girl….I also pray rejoiceful that in the day that you see her again your grieve will be no more and your tears will be wipes dry by the hand of our Lord and Savior…
Jessica you are brave & Ansley is in my heart…
From Maisey’s mommy to Ansley’s, thinking of your beautiful girl and imagining our girls playing together with all the other little ones in heaven. Hugs from Lafayette, Louisiana.
What an absolutely beautiful little girl Ansley is. Thank you for letting us see pictures of your darling daughter. I am so sorry for your loss.
Love and hugs momma. Your little,girl is surely up there with my angels having fun and blowing us kisses.
Stopping my world for a moment to send you love Jessica. Although we have never met, I wish I had gotten to meet you and your Ansley. May God whisper her voice in your ear whenever you need to hear it. Hugs, Juliette
Remembering this sweet little girl and her mommy and all those who love her on her angel day! May this day be filled with beautiful memories. God bless.
Jessica – thoughts and prayers are with you and Ansley’s family from Massachusetts.
Hi Jessica and your family,
Just commenting to say Ansley is such a beautiful girl in her photos. I’m sure she looking down from heaven today at her strong brave momma and giving you a big hug and kiss and saying “Mommy it’s ok. I love you. Be happy”.
Praying for peace and healing for you and your loved ones. Tell us about your beautiful girl.
Love and hugs to you Ansley’s mom from Maria in Galway, Ireland.
Love and prayers to Jessica and Ansley from Corpus Christi!
Dear jessica,
you and your beautiful daughter are in our prayers.
Jessica, I didn’t come across this article until today. But I still wanted to say that Ansley is adorable and as of today, I miss her with you.
Karla
Miramichi, New Brunswick, Canada
Jessica,
Ansley, you, and your family are in my prayers. My family and I have lost 2 precious girls a little over 3 months ago and I can’t even start to imagine your pain but don’t forget that your not alone. Even though we don’t know I am truly truly sorry for your loss.