Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Jessica,
Your baby is beautiful. God bless.
Vancouver, BC, Canada
Jessica, may you know that you are never alone and that God is there for you and your family. One of the best things about God is that He always “Just shows up.” Your message is so important and will not be forgotten. For all of you who have suffered a loss, I am so sorry.
Blessings to you and your sweet little angel in Heaven. My heart hurts for you, my heart hurts for me and hurts for all parents that have lost a child. Happy Birthday sweets, may you shine down on your beautiful mama and fill her heart with peace today and every day until she is in your arms again!
Patti Scheuplein
Rocklin, CA
Thinking of you and sweet Ansley from Colorado. Just a few weeks ago I had the distinct honor of being present when a mother removed the precious belongings of her sweet angel baby from the shelf of her closet where they had been for eight years, since the day of the funeral. She went through each item one by one, tenderly touching it to her cheek, breathing in the scent, then holding it to her heart. It was a beautiful, sacred experience that I will forever cherish.
Jennifer, even though it have never met you and don’t have the opportunity to know your precious daughter Ansley, I want you to know that I share your grief. I lost my precious daughter Cara and I know what it’s like never hearing your child’s name again. Your daughter will never cease being your daughter. I will think of you both often. Thank you for the reminder to not forget to talk about my friends daughter Emily as well. Too many of us know first hand how you feel.
Ansley is a beautiful angel, heaven is all the better for her presence!
Jessica—thank you for letting us know what grieving moms need. May all your past memories of your sweet Ansley be remembered and shared, so that you may be comforted in your present moments. Thinking of you tonight in Tennessee.
Thinking of your sweet Ansley. I know the depth of your anguish and I hope that the fleeting thought of another mother stopping her world and sending up a thought of you and your angel, brings a bit of strength your way. Much love from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
Much much love to you. My thoughts are with you in this moment and I’m holding precious space in my heart for your sweet angel. -Kristen in Hawaii
Jessica,
I’m taking a moment to honour your beautiful daughter Ansley on this very significant & incredibly difficult day. You are amazingly strong & Ansley would be so proud of her mama. I know because we lost our Isabel, it will be 2 years on 20 Aug 2014. The day the world stood still. Sending love & strength and a deep understanding of what you have gone / going through. xxx from Cape Town South Africa
Hugs and prayers to you. May God hold you close today and all days.
Jessica, I just saw this. Ansley was lovely, lovely like only a little girl can be. And your hurting heart is lovely, too. May you know today that your girl is not forgotten.
Ansley. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
Ansley… what a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. Thinking of you today, and praying you might find comfort in knowing you and Ansley are filling up my whole heart right now. -Jamie, Wilmington, Ohio
Thinking of your sweet angel Ansley down in Portland, Texas. Thank you for sharing your story.
Remembering Ansley in the Midwest tonight and sending you love, Jessica.
Your Ansley is not forgotten. We are all here to remember and celebrate her! From Steamboat Springs, CO
Hi Jessica! I’m sorry I didn’t see this message until 12:20am and it is now the 15th. But I wanted u to know that my world stopped for Ansley as I read this message. She is a beautiful little girl and I am truly sorry for ur loss. No mother should have to know what that pain is like to lose a child. My thoughts and prayers are with in and Ansley!! Lots of love from Michigan…….Hugs Melanie
Thinking of you & your sweet baby, Ansley, today! Love & prayers for comfort & sweet precious memories. I have 3 sweet babies in heaven as well.
I am so sorry, Jessica. No words, just tears and prayers. Your Ansley is beautiful!
Boyd, TX
May the peace of God cover you on this day of your angel – she’s looking to you with a smile on her face.
Jessica ~
Someone shared this post with me today, as I am also a grieving mama of a beautiful little girl. Her name is Vienne. She passed suddenly and unexpectedly, almost 2 years ago at the age of 4 1/2.
I feel your pain and the hurt that has come with the loss of relationships, as a result of losing a child. It is cruel.
I echo all of the words that you would say to help others understand how to be here for us. Thank you for bravely standing up and saying them.
I am so sorry for your heart-wrenching loss. And, I am so sorry for the added loss of relationships, as a result.
Ansley is absolutely gorgeous. I do not understand this “fate” that we have been given…I will never understand.
I am thinking of you and thinking of Ansley, today.
xo ~ Jenny from Portland, OR
Jessica, you and your sweet Ansley are in my thoughts today. May you be surrounded by love near and far and know that someone in Birmingham, Alabama is thinking of you dearly.
Jessica I am thinking of you and Ansley tonight. You will always be her mother and she will always be your baby girl. What a beautiful name Ansley is. Wish I would of thought of that name when naming my daughter. I know the pain never goes away and just want u to feel loved and touched on this day and every day. You are in my prayers always. Kendra M. Surprise,Az.
How blessed I feel for knowing Ansley through your story. God gave her the most amazing blessing in giving you as her momma. She was a lucky girl to have a mom who loved her so much. Thank you for reminding me how even the saddest moments can bring the deepest and most breath-taking love. She was a very loved little girl and now she is loving on you from a different place where you will meet her one day. Thank you for your courage and strength. May His face shine upon you and give you peace.
laura from Tulsa, Ok
Jessica–
Love, hugs and prayers are being sent for you and your beautiful Ansley from Minnesota. I am so sorry that there has to be an Angel Day 🙁
I’m sorry you are not holding Ansley in your arms tonight. I lost my baby 8 years ago and I think if her every single day. I feel the pain with you, and I’m so sorry for you.
Love,
Kate
Traverse City, MI
Jessica:
There are no words. But as a mom, as a woman, as a warrior, I stand with you today. Ansley, Ansley, Ansley!
Kristin (Kansas City, MO)
I am sorry for your lost. I had an early term miscarriage 5 years ago…I never heard a heart beat but loved “my baby”. I can’t imagine holding them in my arms and then letting them go.
Jessica,
Ansley will live on forever in your heart and in the precious memories of her that you cherish. May you find comfort in knowing that your angel Ansley is being remembered and thought of today. Blessings from New Zealand!
We had a twin cross over at 5 months, her brother turned 7 on June 15th and no one but me said anything about her. It rips my heart out. Thank you for letting others know what to do when this happens to a friend. Thinking of your baby girl today.
Dear Jessica, I send my love and prayers to you and Ansley today from Georgia
Jessica, i too am an angel mom. I know what a precious gift your Ansley was.
Jessica,
Today is a month from when my best friend had to let her sweet baby go to Jesus. I did REMEMBER him and her as it is still so fresh. Now I will always remember to Show Up for grief and to share love. Your love for Ansley never goes away. It is not something that dissipates with time but will ALWAYS be with you. Praying for your heart today as the world now, remembers Ansley.
Jessica, thanks so much for the kick in the pants.
I’m calling my old friend who lost her daughter to suicide. It’s been so many years I can’t begin to count them.
I cannot imagine the pain of losing your child at any age! Your baby Ansley is so precious. God bless you and your family. You’re sharing your little angel with Him. Thoughts and prayers from West Virginia.
To Ansley’s mom,
I didn’t see this message until 12:06 on the 15th. However, I want you to know that I stopped and said a prayer for her, and you and the rest of her family. Bless you!
Love and hugs,
Marsha
On May 2 I celebrated what would of been My son Chsncelor’s 9 th birthday and it will also be 7 yrs this aug 24 he will be gone. Thank you for saying what tell people every year but no one seems to listen! I am so glad they listened to you! Big hugs
We belong to each other!!! My heart is with you today- from
one mama to another! Your sweet, beautiful Ansley will never be forgotten.
Ansley Ansley Ansley Ansley Ansley Ansley Ansley Ansley. Saying her name.
Love and brokenheartedness for you, Keeley from Tucson, Az.
Thank you, Jessica. I’m honouring you & Ansley by sending an email to my friend who also lost a child. I am so sorry for your loss. (from Vancouver, Canada)
My heart breaks for you. Ansley. What a beautiful name for a beautiful Angel. Lots of love and hugs, from Cleveland, OH.
Jessica, I am thinking of you. Ansley is a very lucky girl to have you as her mom.
Perrysburg, OH
Thank you for your courage and strength today and every day in memory of Ansley. Hugs from MN!
You and your baby girl are in my thoughts rights now. Ansley, a sweet angel’s name! I know your heart still hurts, Jessica. My sweet angel’s name is Jordan. His angel day is October 29th.
Jessica,
I am so very sorry for your profound loss. Ansley was, is, beautiful. I noticed “Little Pooks” on Ansley’s headstone picture. My 28 month old little boy’s pet name is Little Pook/ Pooka. 🙂 You and your baby girl have been on my heart all day. I pray for your peace.
Jessica. My heart breaks for your unimaginable loss. Ansley is a beautiful angel. Know that I am thinking of you in San Jose, California.
Xoxoxo from Dighton, Ma
Ansley. What a beautiful name. I bet you thought long and hard about the perfect name for your beautiful girl! I’m sorry for the pain, and for the additional loss of friends in the aftermath. The tears falling from my eyes right now are real. They are for you and Ansley. Ansley, you are missed! From Mesa, AZ.
My thoughts are with you and your family! So sad that your beautiful angel Ansley was taken from this world way too soon. Sending lots of love your way! Xxoo
Jessica – I hope you know that you have touched the lives of many with your story about your precious and beautiful baby girl, Ansley. Words fail most of us when it comes time to offer our condolences so please know that there are many of us who are simply offering you our love and hugs tonight and in the future. From Lillian, AL
God bless you Jessica. So sorry for the loss of your precious Ansley. From a former PICU nurse, who still remembers those special kids and parents who touched my heart and soul.
Jessica, from San Diego I’m honored to tell you I’m thinking of you and beautiful Ansley tonight. Sweet dreams, brave momma.
Jessica, every mother who has read your story is thinking of you today and praying for your beautiful angel Ansley.
Dear Ansley’s mom Jessica, Thinking of you on Ansley’s Heaven sent day as I know the heart wrenching sadness of my own daughter Alyssa’s Angel day every August. May God and Ansley’s love bring some solace to you today. With prayers, Cindy from Wisconsin
Jessica, you are deep in my thoughts today. Ansley is a lucky girl to have a momma that will forever have her in her heart.
Ansley… such a beautiful name for such a beautiful angel. Jessica, may peace cup your heart and hold it gently. May you know that the sweetness of your daughter and her beautiful name, sat upon our hearts and our minds today right along with you. Much love and healing hugs being sent your way.
Columbia, MO
(hugs) To you Ansley’s Mama. May there be good memories,and someone close to hold you today.
Lots of love and pain of loss. You and your precious Ansley are in my prayers, from Littleton Colorado – Sonia
You have suffered the most unimaginable loss. I can’t fathom the pain you must feel everyday. Thank you for coming forth and saying what you need. You have done us all a great service. Blessings to you and your family. Your Ansley is not forgotten.
Chicago, IL
Jessica,
There are no words, Jessica–mama of beautiful Ansley. I am so so sorry that you were not able to feel Ansley’s precious arms wrap around you today–you both should have had that today and so many more days. Prayers for you today–that you feel this Monkee net holding you up. That those who personally knew and loved Ansley will show up for you and share WITH you despite how incredibly hard or uncomfortable it is. Sending you so much love today and always.
I will remember and say Ansleys’ name every day, I will pray for her and for you. May her light shine on you always.
Remembering Ainsley (beautiful name for a beautiful baby) from Perth, Western Australia x
Jessica,
I believe that true bravery is standing up and asking for what you need. Thank you for being Brave. Your sweet Ansley has to be so proud of her mama. Sending lots of love and light from Bradenton, FL.
Beth
Right there with you in your pain for Ansley. My boys, Tristan and Connor, died at 2 days and 4 days. And suddenly all the moms who had children in heaven came out of the woodwork. We are here and we are real, crying every year.
Jessica, there are no words for a loss like that. Ansley is not forgotten as she will live on forever in you. You will be reunited with that sweet soul one day. Until then, carry on, Warrior Mama xoxo
Jessica, I am honoring your beautiful Ansley with you today and remembering her always ♡♡♡♡♡♡ I understand the importance of their names being said and the fear of them being forgotten ♡
Beautiful Girl
Thank you for asking questions like this so we can all be better friends. Thinking of you and your sweet baby girl, Ansley, today.
Holding you in love. Imagining Ainsley’s arms softly wrapped around you, cuddled up close, loving her mama always.
You are in my thoughts and heart today, Jessica- hugs to you on this Ansley’s Angel Day, from Detroit, Michigan
Your Ansley has mattered to more than you know. Peace and love to you today and every day.
Ansley was one blessed child to have a mama as awesome as you, Jessica. Thinking of you today in NYC.
Dear Ansley’s mama, god bless you as you remeber your daughter on her Angel Day. You are in my prayers.
God Bless You – Ansley’s mom. She was hand picked by God just for York family. God knew what He was doing when He entrusted Ansley to you. xoxo
Sending love to Ansley’s Mama, tonight and always.
Jessica – Thank you for being brave and talking about your precious girl Ansley.
That smile of Ansley’s just lights up the page! Bless you for having courage to share what grieving mothers want to hear. We want to hear our child’s name spoken. We want to talk about them. People might not realize that a question such as – how many children do you have – starts an inner dialogue. So thank you Jessica for sharing your heartache.
And Glennon please keep sharing and writing. You have no idea how much your truth has helped this gal from Tennessee. I will be forever grateful.
Jessica… many thoughts and prayers to you and your family as you remember your sweet Ansley. Sending love from Virginia … Beth
Jessica, my heart goes out to you. I, too, have suffered the loss of a child and the loss of our first grandson. Ansley will not be forgotten. I am praying for comfort and for peace for you.
Jessica, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain in your heart at the loss of your beautiful Ansley. Thinking of you from Brisbane in Australia and sending all the love and peace I can muster xx
Praying for your entire family today, and thinking of Ansley. She’s beautiful, and you are too. Sending love from a small town in the Colorado Rockies.
I am thinking about little Ansley today and you sweet momma. Praying Peace. I am calling a friend now. Thank you for helping me understand your grief. Thank you for being real.
Jessica… many thoughts and prayers to you and your family while you remember the happy times with Ansley. ♡ Thank you for your words I needed them… Pennsylvania
Jessica, I too am grieving for my child, Eric, who died one year and nine months ago. I know the horrible pain you feel every single moment of every single day. Tonight I pray for you and for your Ansley. I also pray for all the other mothers who lost their children and who will grieve for them as long as they live. You and Ansley are so loved. I hope you can feel the love from the thousands who are thinking about you and Ansley. God bless you, Jessica.
Mississippi
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss of Ansley.. She guided you to stand up
that day to ask your question because she knew that your heart needed this.. to know that your beautiful daughter Ansley will never be forgotten & to always be remembered..
Ansley is in heaven with my daughter Lily Grace who passed from her heart condition at 18 days old after open heart surgery on 8/29/12..I just know that my Lily is surrounded by friends and I’m sure that Ansley is not alone and surrounded by all of her friends in heaven too.. Big hugs from one grieving Mommy to another.. Never forgotten, always missed, and forever loved.. all of the children gone too soon ❤️
I am so sorry that you do not have Ansley to hold and hug tonight. She was absolutely beautiful and the world is not the same without her.
You are not alone. You are in my thoughts. I lost my son, Beckett, going on eight years now. We are in a club no one should ever be a member of, but we are in this together.
Wishing you gentle memories and peace tonight.
What a beautiful little girl! My heart goes out to you and I understand some of what you are talking about. We lost my 4-year-old grandson 415 days ago. It is important to us that he is not forgotten, that during his short time on earth he mattered. Gautier, MS
Thinking of you today. Honoring her. Praying for comfort. She is NOT forgotten
God Bless her and hold her tight.
Sending up prayers for you, Jessica, and everyone who loves your beautiful Ansley. Thank you for your bravery in talking about this and modeling for people learn how to better help grieving people.
I had to write a sympathy card to the family of one of my dear pediatric patients today and kept in mind to use her name often and let them know specific things I will remember about her.
Ansley. Ansley…what a beautiful name. I’m so sorry you can’t spend this day with her, Jessica. The fact that you are alive without her today makes you a hero to me. So much love, from Lincoln, Nebraska. <3
Dear Mama Jessica,
Thank you for your strength and bravery and for sharing Ansley with the world. I’m crying in my bed reading your story… One mama who never knew you or your baby, but still my heart breaks! She is such a beautiful angel. I’m so glad I know her face now because I KNOW I will see it again one day when God calls me home.
With love, from Birmingham, AL
Jessica you have a beautiful angel. I am also a mama of an angel. My Christian died a year and a half ago at seventeen. People look at me uncomfortably when I speak his name. I feel like they have already forgotten him. I understand what you feel. Though I haven’t met your angel in person I love her already. Thanks Maureen -California
Remembering Ansley today in Oklahoma.
Thinking of you and Ansley today, hoping you can feel a little bit of all this love surrounding you on such a tender day. From Susan in Seattle
Jessica,
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. I’m praying for you as you misss your sweet Ansley today. Many hugs and love to you. God bless you…. Birmingham, AL
Ansley is beautiful!! I’m so happy you spoke up in that crowd. You spoke up for other mothers like you and I, you spoke up for our angels.
You and Ansley are beautifully blessed!
Hugs to Jessica. Thinking of your sweet baby girl Ansley tonight. <3
Jessica,
I am thinking of you and your sweet Ansley this evening. I have a daughter n as med Ansley too. Now, my Ansley will always remind me to SHOW UP for others even if it is awkward or hard or painful. In memory of your Ansley, I will also teach my daughters to show up as well. I pray for peace and love in cherished memories for you and your family each day.
Thinking of you and your Angel today.
Praying for your comfort and for friends on this day. May Ansley be remembered and thought of often.
My brother’s angel day is this week too… I’m crying tears for him and for you and your little one. It’s been 8 years. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be as a mother. hugs to you!