Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Jessica,
I prayed for Ansley today, and I prayed for you…to feel the all the love meant just for you, today especially. I said Ansley’s name out loud, and spoke of the courage you had to share your loss with so many. Please know you are never alone.
Forgot to say, from New Jersey
Thinking of you and your Ansley. You are loved.
Zeeland, Mi
Jessica, Ansley will be remembered today and everyday in our family. I do not know what it is like to lose a child, but I know what it’s like to love them like you’ve never loved anything in your life. I can’t imagine what you go thru everyday. I don’t know anyone personally who has lost a young child, but now, because of you I know what to do. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless, Kara, Tucson, AZ
Hi Jessica!
I’m Marie from down here near the bottom of the world (well it feels like it) in Southern Tasmania, Australia.
Hugs to you on Ansley’s Angel Day, such a beautiful name, a beautiful girl & now I am sure a beautiful Angel.
Hugs from me, my lil boy Joe & my baby girl Delaney.
Thank you for reminding us to remember and to be there. Not to have the right words or perfect comfort but just to be present. Thank you for sharing Ansley with us all. Portland, OR.
Hello Jessica, my name is Andrea and I live in Ohio. 9 years ago on July 16th I gave birth to my first child, Elora Grace, she was stillborn. I am very touched by your words and understand exactly what you’re saying. I believe in an all powerful God and experienced His healing touch through such deep pain and sorrow. I hope you have also. Ansley and Elora must be friends in heaven 🙂
Thinking of you and Ansley – keeping you in my prayers – from Atlanta
Ansley’s spirit shines through you. Thank you for sharing it with us here in St. Louis.
Happy Birthday Ansley.
My Joshua would have been 6 1/2 this last week. He lived for 9 weeks. My only son. The friends who are most precious to me are the people who held him and loved him, and the friends that remember him and speak of him. I never forget. Never. I spent 5 weeks at my parents’ house this summer. I had to take his ashes with me. I had my daughters with me, so I felt the need to take him with me too. My phone background is his photo – I look at it dozens of times a day. Never forgotten.
God bless you, Jessica. You and your precious, Ansley, are in our hearts and prayers today – and all of your tomorrow. May God’s grace and mercy reign in your life. From Texas, with love.
Jessica.
Please know that we are sending hugs, sweet thoughts, and prayers for you and Ainsley, all the way from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Thank you for reminding us all to be brave and to share love even when it might be hard.
Rayma
Jessica – thinking of you and your sweet baby girl, Ansley today. Sending you love, comfort and peace from New Jersey.
I cannot fathom your pain … Thank you, Warrior Mama, for reminding us of the importance of remembrance. Godspeed, sweet Ansley. We will not forget!
Thinking of Ansley today. I will say her name aloud in Ontario, Canada and I am sending tuns of love to her Mama.
Jessica, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you remember and grieve for your beloved daughter, Ansley. I lost a daughter who would be turning 9 too. I’d like to think they are up in Heaven playing together. You will reunite with Ansley one day, until that time, please know that there are many people who care and who honor you as Ansley’s mother. Thank you for helping to educate others by speaking out! (Ansley must be smiling down with pride in her dear mother!) Sending a HUG to you on this challenging day. – Dorothy from Maryland
Jessica, thinking of you today. I loved the pictures of Ansley above. My sweet girl wore that same happy birthday shirt one year – she just turned 9 on 6/25. I know it doesn’t help but I am sure going to give her an extra hug and kiss in Ansley’s honor. God Bless you! Angela – North Carolina
I never met your beautiful daughter Ansley, I wish I had. I am thinking I you tonight and I’m feeling powerless to do anything but tell you that I sending you so much love right now. I wish so much that you had your most previous daughter with you still. My heart breaks for you. I don’t know you yet I wish I could help you carry this most horrible ache a mother could ever have. Thank you for telling us it’s ok to talk about. I think we just never want to inflict added pain so we remain silent. Hugs and kisses and prayers!
Love to your baby, Ansley. And Jessica, loving hugs for you.
Charleston, SC
Happy Angelversary ANSLEY
Sending up prayers from Chicago for you, Ansley’s mama, on this day. Take care.
Thinking of Ansley…she is not gone just transformed..she is always with you, teaching you and guiding you…God bless
Jessica,
I hope you can feel the support of all these people as you remember Ansley and what a wonderful little girl she was. She will live in the hearts of those that knew her and loved her. My sister-in-law is one of your friends, and I would hear about my nephew’s friend Ansley and what a vivacious, happy girl she was, and, now, when my nephew (CH, age 9) says the blessing for a family meal, he still prays for God to “take care of Ansley,” as he has prayed for the last seven years. She is remembered by those who knew her, even when there are no words. Peace and comfort to your family. God, we know You take care of Ansley.
I am so thankful for you Jessica, and for your precious Ansley. She is stunning and so full of light. I can only imagine how you miss her so. Praying for you tonight Ansley’s mama. And for every tomorrow to come… Love from Nashville.
Happy birthday Ansley.
Jessica – Thank you for sharing your story. My one year old niece died in a tragic accident one month ago and it has been one of the saddest experiences of my life. I, honestly, don’t know how my brother and his wife go on. Their faith and God’s love are truly what is carrying them through this. Thank you for giving me tools and words to help them as they grieve. Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley on her Angel Day. Wishing you peace and love from Idaho.
Jessica, thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley. Thank you for speaking through the pain. Also sending love and prayers to my grandmother, mom, and sister who have all lost a son. Children are a gift from God to be cherished forever! Reston, VA
Jessica, thinking of you and your sweet baby girl, Ansley today. Much love to you! North Carolina
Stopping to acknowledge you as a mother today… Remembering your precious Ansley. Whispering her name in prayers for peace and comfort to continue to embrace you on her day. Knowing loss like yours makes you a kindred spirit. Blessings to you mommy of an angel: Ansley!
Big hugs! From Greenville, sc
Ansley is a beautiful girl…my prayers are for you tonight. Thank you for the courage it took to share your story. From, Nebraska
Jessica, my heart hurts for you and your family. Losing Ansley was a terrible tragedy and not being able to talk about her with friends and family on her anniversaries is another tragedy compounded. I lost my brother a few years ago to cancer. Every time I drop his name in conversation it feels very prickly. No one is sure how to react. I understand what you are saying and wish I could give you a great big hug today and sit and hold your hand while you told me stories about your beautiful girl.
Thank you, Ansley’s warrior momma! Thank you for standing up and being honest, raw, and transparent ! I am praying that the Greatest Comforter Jesus Christ would come and comfort you and your family as only He can! So grateful for your exhortation and reminder and for your precious daughters life!
Thinking of you and your precious angel today. What a beautiful little girl
I wish I could give you a hug. Ansley is not forgotten.
I so understand your pain..I watch my daughter live it everyday..Happy Heavenly Birthday Ansley!! Your sweet mother misses you each day…one day Jessica you will be reunited with your beautiful angel..(((HUGS)))
Sorry, I forgot to say I am in Kentucky…
All my love to you today, Jessica. What a beautiful girl Ansley was!! Prayers for grace and healing and people to help you celebrate your daughter’s sweet and precious life. Love, Kim–Northern California
Jessica,Im sure that Ansley is one of the prettiest angels in heaven. I believe God chooses his best first. Sounds like you were an awesome mom while she lived here on earth.Much Love and most Prayers.
I tried to post earlier and I’m not sure it went through so I wanted to make sure I got a comment posted. Jessica, my heart goes out to you and your dear sweet Ansley today. I know far too many mamas who have lost a precious child (as well as myself – our son David was stillborn at 20 weeks nine and a half years ago). I have no words other than you are not alone. Love to you this day and always.
Your story and Ansley’s touched me, I have two daughters and reading this stopped me in my tracks. I can only imagine what that might feel like and I can’t breathe – thinking of you and your beautiful bebe.
You and your precious baby are on my mind and in my heart. I also am a grieving mother, my son Dylan died almost 6 months ago. He was 15. I know your grief, I feel your pain. We walk the same path through life. I send a prayer to you, your family and Ansley. May God hold you all in the palm of his hand. Love to you from Pennsylvania. You are not alone. 🙂
You are in my prayers tonight! Ansley is always with you in your heart and you will be together again!
Wishing you love, light, courage, strength, peace, comfort, succor, tranquility, healing, and hope.
Praying you feel the love and warmth of so many who care. God hug you with His love. Ansley is precious! Btw, this comes from Ocala, Florida. xoxo
Thoughts of your sweet girl, Ansley.
As I go to bed tonight I will say a prayer as I do every night for my lost angel and I will add you and your beautiful daughter to it! God bless you. You are a strong woman! Thank you for saying the words I couldn’t find. I too wish that people remembered. Although my baby never took it’s first breath, it hurts deeply and people have forgotten that there was once a child who was supposed to fill that empty baby room. I will always remember you and your daughter on this day and the wisdom that you shared that helped heal a very broken piece of my heart ❤️
I’m Katie from IL. My heart aches for your loss. No mother should have to endure that kind of loss and yet they do. You and Ansley are in my thoughts and prayers.
As a mom of two baby girls, an aunt to another and a sister to two extraordinary women, my heart breaks for you today. May God bless you and keep you, even in the depths of the worst grief imaginable. Please know that Ansley’s story made a real difference to this mom in Georgia today, as a reminder of just how precious our babies are. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Ansley with us. Much, much love to you today. From Idaho
Dear Jessica, I lost my young daughter, too. I’m sending love to you and Ansley. She is so very beautiful ~ danielle
Stay strong!
Remembering and honoring your Ansley in St. Paul, Minnesota tonight. xoxo
Dear Jessica,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious, beautiful Ansley. Thank you for telling us to say something–that insight will ripple around the world. See all these thousands of commenters? Each of us now will say something to others in their time of need. You did that.
Sending love your way from Williamsburg, Virginia.
Laura
What a darling girl little Ansley is. I want to thank you for educating me on how to be there for friends and family who have lost someone. I just wrote my dear friend who lost her baby a note to let her know that I remember and that I thought it would make her sad for me to tell her that – but that I am learning that she would WANT me to say something rather than keeping quiet. So thank you, Jessica, for sharing your pain and letting us all know how to open our hearts up better. Much love and prayers from Arkansas.
What a beautiful little girl. I wish Ansley was still with you. My sister gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Jubilee Kate on 6.30.14. She was stillborn. We miss her so much. And I don’t want anyone to ever, ever forget her. xoxoxo
p.s. I’m in Columbus, OH.
Thinking of you and your beautiful baby girl. All the best from Southern California.
Jessica my prayers and thoughts with you as you go through the loss of your beautiful little Ansley. My oldest son is also heaven and miss him every day..Sending Hugs from Colfax,Ca.
Ansley was so lucky to have a wonderful mom who loved her very much. Blessings to your family, today, and much love to your beautiful angel in Heaven.
I celebrate Ansley with you today. My son Ethan died just 2 years ago and he would be 9 also. Way to stand up and tell people that we want to hear our child’s name. Ansley’s life is important, it matters and no matter how many years pass you are still her mommy and she is still your little girl. Thinking of you and sending you much love and strength today. Love from a mom who knows in IL
Sending thoughts and prayers for a peaceful angel day as you remember sweet Ansley. Nikki – St. Louis, MO
Jessica, saying a prayer for you and your precious Ansley from Minnesota tonight. May you and your family feel wrapped in love as you remember her today.
Just LOVE.
I pray for comfort and peace given from The Lord. He will see you through until the end of your days. God bless you and your angel Ansley. She is in heaven playing with my son and all the other angel babies. Much love from VA.
Danielle
Braxton’s mommy 6-13-14
Today I remember your beautiful daughter Ansley. Jessica I want you to know that you are not alone. I am saying Ansley’s name today in Sydney, Australia and sending you my love and strength so that you can live your life without your beautiful daughter. And thank you for stating so eloquently what I want to yell every minute of my life now. It’s been 28 years since we lost our beautiful daughter Jessica Kylie and it seems so long ago but it feels like only yesterday. I want everyone to know what you said and I’m going to be quoting you because your words were straight from the heart. I can’t say thank you enough xx
Wow Ansley is such a beautiful amazing little girl. Thoughts and prayers from Cincinnati Ohio.
Jessica…showing up for you today on Ansley’s day. I can’t even imagine. It takes my breath away to try to. Love you, truly.
Middle TN
Jessica,
Although we’ve never met, my heart breaks at your loss. As a mother, I know that you will always mourn the loss of Ansley. I pray for you and know that one day you will hold your beautiful baby girl again. ((Hugs)) and prayers to you and your family from Fort Knox, Kentucky.
Thank you for the lesson you have taught me, Jessica. I am so sorry for your loss and wish you strength.
Thinking of you and Ansley. She was a beautiful little girl. Lost my daughter three years ago when she was three months old. It’s hard because not only do people not speak of her much but there literally aren’t many stories to share. We had her for such a brief, happy time and her absence leaves a ragged, gaping hole. Thank you for sharing your story. From Chicago.
She was so beautiful. Thinking of you and her and your family today. You were blessed to have such a precious angel.
Alabama
Ansley was so beautiful, you are lucky to be her mom. We are holding space for both of you today, and for your whole family. So very sorry for your tremendous loss. Much love from Victoria, Canada.
Jessica,
My prayers are with you on this day and every day. What a beautiful little angel. She will always be remembered.
My angle Cullen will always be in my heart.
I lost my brother in January this year. I never knew one could be this sad. I’m so sorry for the loss of your little girl, Ansley. I am praying for you.
Amy
Ashburn, VA
Jessica, Ansley would be so proud of you, her brave Mama. Hugs and prayers from Cleveland. Xxxx
I am Wendy, from Austin, TX and I hold up Ansley in my thoughts and prayers as well as her family who grieves for her every day.
Those eyes! Those big, brown, beautiful eyes. Your Ansley girl is on my heart and lips, here in the Midwest tonight.
Jessica, Wishing you peace and strength today and everyday as you remember your beautiful Ansley. xo Jackie, Michigan
On this precious day, this sad sad day, we honour Ansley, your beautiful little girl. Coeur, in Calgary Alberta, a city collectively also mourning the unexplainable loss of a child.
What a beautiful girl! She will change the world through you as all angels do. What a blessing!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you today for your family in remembering Ansley.
Sending you and your family love and prayers today…
Melissa in Pearland, tx.
Jessica,
Thinking of you and your family today as we remember Ansley. May your memories bring you comfort and may you feel God’s love and peace, especially today.
Much love.
Michelle
Jessica,
What a beautiful angel Ansley is, and how very lucky that she is so loved by such a kind, thoughtful and caring mother.
Love from Walnut Creek, California.
Thinking of you and Ansley!
Happy Birthday Ansley.
Your mom is AMAZING by the way. She stood up and she spoke from her heart and I bet you are very proud of her.
Jessica ~ GOOD FOR YOU for saying something out loud that people truly need to hear.
I hope that today and everyday you feel that sweet girl near you . . .
Peace and healing to you and your family!
Jessica – I too am the Mama of an angel. My Liam would be three this August 4th(also my birthday 🙁 ). Know that you are not alone. May this day be gentle on you and know that we remember and honor your sweet Ansley.
Thinking of Ansley!
You were so brave to stand up and ask that question. Thank you for making this real. I lost a little grandson two years ago. I think of him so often. I watched him suffer, and his mother, my daughter. He taught me so much…and still does. I hope you feel cared about this year as you read all of the messages.
Prayers for you and all of the parents, and family members who lose children.
Thinking of you, Jessica and Ansley, today. Our children are never forgotten and always loved. I miss my sweet angel, Ethan, every day.
Sending hugs,
Ethan’s mom, Michelle, from Arlington, VA
6/12/12-1/29/14
Jessica, I am thinking of you and your precious Ansley today.
Corrine from Wheeling, IL
What courage, what strength, what integrity you possess Jessica. Because YOU STOOD UP and proclaimed what you needed to help you heal, you taught me how to help others. You have honored sweet Ansley through your kindness. She was so lucky to have you for her mother. Holding you in prayer from Illinois.
Stopping now to pray for you and your loss of Ansley. Thank you for speaking up and reminding us all to keep saying these sweet babies’ names. A year ago this week, we lost my 10-month old niece, Gracie Jane. Because of you (and Glennon–thank you Glennon), I will often mention Gracie’s name!
Jessica, I am so sorry that your baby Ansley is no longer in your arms. I cannot imagine the pain in your heart after such loss. I pray that you find comfort in the small things, the things that brought wonder and awe to Ansley, because those will always be a beautiful reminder of how full of life Ansley was… and still is, by remembering and celebrating her time on this Earth. She is truly, truly, beautiful.
Deep peace to you, Jessica.
Cooee….. Jessica and Ansley, from Australia. Thinking of you both with love.
Jen <3 <3 <3
Ansley was a beauty! Sending you prayers and love from Kentucky.
Thinking of you on this difficult day. There is nothing harder than losing a child- and the loss is felt by everyone who knows you and Ansley. Hope these messages of support help even just a little today and every day. — Cleveland
Jessica, Ansley is so beautiful! This story deeply touched my heart! I too have lost a child and I know exactly how you feel. I am glad I am not the only one who sometimes think everyone has forgotten about my son but me. You are in my prayers tonight. God bless you Ansley’s Mommy!
Thinking of you and your little girl today. Happy Birthday Ansley. I am new to this grief of a loss of a child. My son passed away 6 weeks ago and your story and words touched my heart.
My heart breaks for you Jessica and I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful baby girl Ansley. She is with my baby girl Cassidy and I am praying for you. From Michigan.
Love to you, Jessica, and your family. What a beautiful girl your Ansley was. May you joyfully reunite with her in heaven own day. Julie from La Jolla, CA
Jessica, you and Ansley are in my heart and prayers, and will continue for every year from here on. .. Connecticut
What strength to teach us through your pain. Keeping you and Ansley in our thoughts and prayers today.