Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Praying for you and your sweet angel today and always!
Jessica, Praying for you and remembering your beautiful Ansley today.
(in Mass.)
Jessica, I was there that night. I was brought to tears by your comments. I will pray for you and your family today. Thank you for teaching us a beautiful lesson. God Bless Ansley today and everyday.
Jessica-
Holding you and sweet Ansley in my heart today, and many days to come, I am sure. We are all showing up for you. Lots of love,
Shannon from Colorado
Hi Jessica. I am so impressed with the strength you have to not only continue forward, but stand up and let people know what you need. You were blessed with your daughter’s life and love, and it ended far too soon. The love is still there, and I know Ansley is sending you love and hugs and kisses on this day. I cried quite a few tears for you today, so I hope that gives you breathing room for a few more smiles and joyful memories today. XOXO Gina
Love and light to you, Jessica. Your story is a beautiful reminder that we can walk through the fear of sadness together. Happy birthday to your beautiful Ansley – never forgotten because her mama makes sure of it.
Love,
Wendy from Woodland Park, CO
Ansley was beautiful, thinking of you today.
Dear Jessica,
I can’t even imagine the pain that comes with the loss of a child. I have two young one’s myself and I cried at my desk as I read how you’re feeling. Ansley was one lucky girl to have a Mommy who clearly loved her so deeply. She looks like such a beautiful, joyful little girl and her pictures put a smile back on my face. Hugs from someone in Edmonton, Alberta who’s thinking of you and your daughter today.
Julie
Jessica, I’m sending hugs & wishes for peaceful memories of your beautiful Ansley (from Cincinnati).
Dearest Jessica,
You are so right. People aren’t sure what to say, because the hurt you have been through is almost too imaginable to bear. It is so unfair. These people love you and are afraid of hurting you, or making you feel sad. But we all need to understand what it is like to be in your shoes, and try to make your loss hurt just a little bit less. If others can help you carry her memory, maybe you will feel some relief.
Your sweet precious angel is waiting for you in Heaven, and you will be with her again someday. She will be in your arms again! God bless you.
Jessica,
I am sending love to you and your angel Ansley today. I am so sorry for your loss.
Sarah
Jessica,
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ansley. I can’t even imagine the pain. Please know that we are here, and we see you, and we see her.
Jessica – thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley on her special day. Sending love to you, your family and Ansley from Iowa.
sending so much love today
Thinking of you and Ansley in Ohio today, Jessica. Much love from one grieving mama to another.
Jessica, sending you love on Ansley’s birth and angel day. Holding space for you. Also thinking of Wendy Thompson and Olivia Grace, and Anna Whiston and Jack. Love and beauty to all of you. Your angels matter your hurt is real I honor you as their mother.
Beautiful Ansley with big brown eyes! I am thinking of both of you from Aransas Pass Texas today. Thank you for teaching us how to better support you instead of running the other way. I know there are many other moms sharing the same pain and wishing they could say what you have said here. This is important work, thank you for showing up and being brave. May you feel our love and support from all over the world!
Dear Jessica,
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley in SoCal today.
Jessica – thinking of you and hoping you have wonderful memories of Ansley. One other comment mentioned that your words shaped the kind of friend she will be going forward & I can only echo that sentiment. Having experienced an entirely different sort of grief, I fully understand what you need. Even when active grief is passed, you still want people to acknowledge a deep loss you have experienced.
Penny
Houston, TX
Ansley. What a beautiful name and beautiful child. My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Love, from Reading, PA.
Jessica, For you, for your wonderful child Ansley, and for other parents who have endured such terrible loss, thank you for sharing your feelings and teaching me how to be a better friend. Sending you prayers, Nicole in Maryland
Jessica – Praying for you and sweet Ansley. We are with you and holding space for you.
Courtney – Atlanta, GA
Jessica, please know that I hurt for you today and I pray for your peace. Thank you for letting us know what you need. I worry so much about saying the right thing that I was missing the point. Say anything. Thank you!
Knoxville, TN
Jessica, your daughter is BEAUTIFUL! What a precious little girl. I speak of her in the present tense because we are talking about her and celebrating her life. She is alive through your memories and our celebration. I see her dancing and laughing, a beautiful 9 year old, full of spunk and intelligence. I pray your day is filled with a peace that surpasses understanding, and a joy that seeps into your marrow. You are Ansley’s mommy forever and always. xoxo Tara in Tampa, FL
Jessica – I’m so sorry that you lost Ansley. I can’t even begin to imagine the heartbreak. I’m with you today. Grieving. Holding my Gemma that much tighter when I pick her up from daycare today.
Jessica, what a blessing that always and forever you get to be the mama of Ansley! She is a beautiful girl. Holding space for you, mama.
Thinking of you and Ansley today and praying for peace and comfort and the gift of sweet memories. Love from St. Louis.
A little mama down here in Mobile Alabama is thinking of you today, and saying Ansley’s name.
Jessica-
You are and forever will be a warrior mama to sweet Ansley. May her love and light shine through you today and always. You are fiercely strong to share your story and may God continue to lift you up and grant you physical and metal strength each day.
Chicago, IL
Jessica…. I don’t know you but I care. You are one brave woman! To stand in front of all those women, hold a microphone and speak the truth of your pain is brave. Sending you love, prayers and thinking of your beautiful girl, Ansley today.
WITH you today.
I’m thinking of your beautiful Ansley today. The pictures on the blog show she’s not only beautiful on the outside but she seems sweet natured and happily content. From one mom to another. <3
Jessica,
I am thinking about you today. It’s hard, I know all too well. We just celebrated what would have been our sons 3rd birthday. Although it was me this year who couldn’t get out of bed to “celebrate”. I seemed to have forgotten that I had to live for our little boy. Thank you for helping me remember this important fact. Ansley will never be forgotten. I have met many Sisters though my three year journey of dealing with the loss of Evan. I think about all those angels on their birthdays and the days they got their wings – Ansley’s is now included in those thoughts. Much love to you and your family. – with love, Sister.
sending lots of love and prayers to you, Jessica, and your beautiful daughter.
Thinking of you and Ansley, even if it’s just for a moment, every day. My heart breaks for you. I hope today you get hugs that are extra tight. <3
-Charity, Oswego NY
Sending love and hugs today to you, Jessica. There really are no words, just love.
Oh and I am in tears.
I have had friends who have had miscarriages and have lost children as babies and I know now that I wasn’t there in the way I should’ve been.
Jessica, thank you for speaking up and for speaking out. For telling me that it is okay – and preferred – for me to speak the name of the child who has received their wings.
I’m praying for you right now. I pray that while your healing will never be “complete”, that you will one day meet your precious Ansley in the great beyond. Blessings of comfort upon you today.
Jessica, thinking of you and Ansley today. Lots of love from Sandra in Frankfurt, Germany x
Thinking of you and your sweet angel Ansley today in wisconsin.
Prayers and hugs for you, Jessica, from Pennsylvania. May Ansley be joined by my sweet baby cousin Austin and my soulmate-sister Jenni on the heavenly playground. Thank you for your words…they certainly hit home with me. Thinking of you and sweet Ansley!
I never realized my silence and attempt to avoid causing pain might do the opposite. Thinking of you today Jessica, and your beautiful Ansley. Your daughter is not forgotten and neither are you. Much love to you and your family.
Love and hugs for you, Jessica, coming from Wisconsin. I cannot imagine what you feel each and every day. I am a momma myself and would sure want to keep my child’s memory alive by telling stories about them. Sweet Ansley is as precious as can be. Holding a space for you…
Love from the Twin Cities. Thinking of you and Ansley today. Thank you Jessica and Glennon for bringing up what we all need help with. Running toward those who need support even when we don’t know how.
Hi Jessica,
You, Ansley, and your family are in my thoughts and heart today. Sending love and hugs to you from Portsmouth, VA.
Jessica,
Sending you and your family so much love today on Ansley’s angel day. I am from sisters oregon and 5 years ago my brother was killed in an auto accident. I miss him everyday. Thank you for the opportunity to share your day and your life.
Jessica, I am keeping you and your sweet Ansley in my thoughts and prayers today. You will always be Ansley’s momma and for that you are both truly blessed. Sending much love from Indianapolis, IN.
Jessica, the pictures of Ansley are precious and adorable! I bet she made you laugh. I wish this day didn’t exist for you.
Love from Jacksonville, Florida
Lisa
Happy Birthday, Ansley. You are here with us, in our hearts.
Mama Jessica – God Bless you and your family as you remember Ansley today on her Angel day. What a precious girl she was! We are lifting you up to her in prayer today from Western New York. Love to you.
Jessica, I was one of the 400 women whose world you stopped last month. I have thought of you and Ansley many times since that night. Saying an extra prayer for both of you today!
Thoughts of you and your beautiful girl Ansley today from Ohio.
Jessica, here in Texas I am thinking of you and your sweet daughter, Ansley. I hope you feel her sweet presence today and in all the days to come. I celebrate with you the joy and the knowledge that you will be reunited. Blessings to you and your entire family.
Being still and thinking of Ansley. What a beautiful girl and now angel!
I know Ansley is in a good place and happy and watching over you. I know this. My heartbreak is for the people she left behind, who love her and miss her. My love to you. Thank you for sharing your story so other moms missing their babies may get the support they need too.
Praying for you and precious Ansley <3
Your beautiful Ansley, and you, and your family are in my heart today. Ansley was born three weeks before my own baby, and I can’t imagine a world without her, so I hold yo in my heart as you continue to live a daily life that doesn’t include holding your girl in your arms. Today I shared Ansley with my daughter, and she asked if she could write her a letter–if she would see the letter from heaven. I’m certain she will. So Ansley will get a letter from Connecticut today. Hold on–you have honored her by sharing her with us.
Ansley. Jessica, I’m so sorry for your loss.
-Carey in Austin, TX
Prayers for Ansley and for you, Jessica, are being sent from Grand Haven, Michigan. I hope that your day is filled with love and that your memories of Ansley fill you with peace. No mother should have to go through the loss of a child…thank you for introducing us to Ansley and for showing the rest of us how to be a friend to those who are grieving.
Jessica, I keep trying to come up with the right words to say to you, but I can’t. The best I can do is to say that a world away, in Tokyo, there are Monkee mamas who are remembering Ansley, and you, and holding space for you. Please feel the warm glow of love that is surrounding you today, and every day, from all corners.
Jessica, thanks for sharing your story with us and for sharing those gorgeous joyful photos of your sweet Ansley. It is a blessing to get to know her and you. Thinking of you today, and sending you strength and love,
Joanna (from Albany, NY)
Jessica,
My niece died a little over two years ago. Each year on her day all my siblings and I and all our kids write her a note and send it up on a red balloon. Each time I tell her that I’m doing my best to take care of her Mama. So this morning a balloon will go up to your Ansley and we can tell her that we are going to try to love her Mama through this day.
Thinking of you today Jessica! Thinking of your sweet Ansley too. She was a beautiful girl and I’m so sorry for you loss. Hugs from Texas!
God bless! Thinking about you and yours
Jessica — I will never forget your words or your story about our precious Ansley. Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers today in Florida. Sending love your way! <3
Ansley is incredibly proud of her mama right now, praying that the Lord would surround you with people who will bless you. Ansley will be on my mind, and all of you in my prayers, all day
Thinking of you today, Jessica, and your beautiful daughter, Ansley. Thank you for reminding us that we must move past our own discomfort to help our friends during their time of need.
May God give you comfort and strength on the very special day Jessica. Happy Birthday Ansley!!!!!
Jessica, Hugs and Tears from Georgia this morning. Thank you for reminding me that no second, minute, hour or day is guaranteed to any of us or any of ours. I will hug my boys a little tighter tonight, thinking of your sweet Ansley.
Jessica, I hope you smile today as your remember the many smiles I know Ansley brought to your heart. Thinking of you and sending a prayer up for you 🙂
Every moment of every day. <3
Vero from France
Jessica—thank you for having the courage and the words to speak up about what those of us who have experienced heart-breaking loss need from those around us. It’s easy for other people to just move on in the busy-ness of life today. I do not think they can truly understand our on-going pain. But they can be aware. They can acknowledge and remember that loss, despite the passage of time. You are brave for asking for it and I admire you. You are a wonderful, loving Mom. Holding you and sweet Ansley in thoughts and prayer. And thank you Glennon for providing a vehicle for people to ask for and receive what they need.
Dear Ainsley’s Mom,
I am Eleanor’s mom. She died on June 3, 2013. You words and feelings expressed something that I have been crying out in my heart.
I just went away on vacation to our previous home province.
There was not a photo of my sweet Eleanor, nor a mention of her, until I broke down and cried about i, even then, people didn’t speak of her until I brought it up. One friend, when I told her that we were “just ok” said “why, what’s going on?” I couldn’t believe how much that pained me. As though the loss of my sweet girl was something that I should have been over by now.
All my lovely well meaning friends. Beautiful people, who don’t know what to do with me any more. We feel like we have almost all of our friends.
So thank you for asking your question. And please take it all, take every comment and know that it is good and right and still not nearly, never will be, enough.
Ainsley is beautiful. I love the photos, thank you for sharing them. I will be thinking of her, and you today.
Most sincerely,
Eleanor’s Mom.
Love to you, mama. Your beautiful Ansley is not forgotten.
Oh Jessica. I don’t know you. I’ve never lost a child. But reading your story stopped me this morning. I’m thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley this morning. I’m sending you a big hug. And if I lived near you I would bake something for you today. Something comforting. Or Ansley’s favorite treat to honor her. I hope that these messages remind you that you are not alone and she is not forgotten.
Celebrate your daughter today. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. <3
Thinking and praying for you, Jessica and honoring beautiful Ansley today. Melissa (NJ)
I can’t imagine the loss you feel and the aching void left by Ansley’s passing. Thinking of you today.
I’m so sorry, Jessica. I am thinking about you and sending prayers your way. I hope the good memories of your sweet Ansley help hold you up during the hard times. Love to you!
Thinking of you and Precious Ansley. Such a cutie…
I am in tears reading about your precious girl. You are in my heart today.
May God surround you with love today
Jessica, my son is 9. I can’t imagine my world without him. I will think of Ansley today and reach out to someone I know who lost someone recently.
Jessica, I’m remembering your Ansley today. She looked like a girl after my own heart, with a passion for food! 🙂 My son was also a 2005 baby, and when I look at him today I grieve for the 9-year-old girl she should have been…many tears and hugs to you today, Momma.
Prayers for your family. Ansley is beautiful.
Thinking of you both today. Your words to Glennon will stay with me forever and shape the kind of friend I am from now on.
Houston, Texas
Thinking of you and Ansley today, and thanking you for telling us how we can help other friends who have lost a child. Hugs to you.
Jessica,
Praying for you to find some small comfort in all of these comments. We’re all celebrating the life of your Ansley today – what a beautiful girl! Sending hugs from Chicago.
Praying for you and everyone who has lost a child today. Let the Monkee love warm you today!
Ansley. Ansley. Ansley. Sending kisses and hugs to you in your heavenly home today. Jessica. Sweet, grieving, beautiful Jessica. You are Ansley’s mom. She knows it, you know it, we know it. We stop our worlds today and thank you for being a mom, thank you for being Ansley’s mom. Sending you love today, and every day.
For Ainsley, Jessica and all the hurting mamas, much love.
Jessica,
Tears stream down my face as I read this and write today. My heart is holding you and your family, along with both the love and grief a day like today might bring. You are being lifted up and Ansley is being remembered. Although I did not know her, I have a 9 year old daughter, and so I can only imagine the depth of your pain. Today of all days, know that she is not forgotten, and that you are being thought of, too. From Athens, OH
Jessica, I have a sister who lost her 14 month old about a year ago and I too try not to mention him or say his name because I don’t want to make her sad. Thank you for opening my eyes. She is sad regardless and maybe if I didn’t avoid talking about Maximus with her, she could find some peace and happiness with thoughts of him. God bless you and your angel, Ansley today and always and thank you for letting me know its ok to share my memories of Maximus.
Jessica,
Thinking of you on this special day. My thoughts go out to you as you celebrate your beautiful Ansley.
Wow this is amazing. You and your beautiful daughter Ansley are in my thoughts today!
As someone who has walked this road with our daughter, the best thing people can STILL say after 18 years is “tell me about her.” So tell us about her – what made her laugh? What were her passions? What made her mad? How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant with her?
Standing with you today, Jessica, and holding your family in my heart. Thanking God for Ansley and grieving the senseless loss of her with you.
Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter Ansley today.
Jessica you define WARRIOR MOM. Our hearts hurt for you and your loss of sweet Ansley. I hope God wraps his BIG ol loving arms tight around you when you need it the most! And I hope you feel his love and peace squeezing you!
God Bless you warrior!
Jessica, you wonderful, beautiful and brave Momma. You sweet Ansley is not forgotten. Sending you lots of love this day and every day. I’m going to post this on my Mom at 41 FB page today, to spread more love to you <3
Dearest Jessica – I’m holding a quiet & cozy space for you and your Ansley today in the mountains of Colorado. Please know that your story, & Ansley’s sweet life, has touched a place deep inside my heart & I will remember your, and Glennon’s words, in my work & with my friends & family. Much love to you & yours on this beautiful day. XOXO, Kelly
Please remember that Ansley is with other sweet children in God’s care and all the moms of those children will be united with them in the afterlife. God bless you Jessica <3