Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
Join Glennon on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram
4,536 Comments
thinking about you and praying for your strength. <3 Ansley is absolutely beautiful! – Columbus, Ohio
Hi Ansley’s mommy!! What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl!!! I also am a mommy to a sweet angel. I just lost my daughter, Ella two weeks ago tomorrow. I was one week away from having her when her heart stopped. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my 32 years of life. Just know that I understand your pain first hand. NOBODY deserves to lose a child!! Lots of love and prayers from Cincinnati, Ohio!
Remembering your sweet Ansley today. Sending so much live to you Jessica from one bereaved mother to another. We remember your daughter tonight here in Michigan.
Much love to you and your family, Jessica. Ansley is a sweet sweet princess.
Sue from Canada
Needed this so bad today. Jessica, you and your Ansley angel, you helped my heart heal a little today. I was feeling helpless as a friend. Now I am reminded to speak even if I don’t have the right words. Thank you from Burlington, North Carolina. xoxoxoxox
Thinking of you and Ansley…from Dallas, Texas. Much love and a smile for her today.
Ansley’s beautiful little face is being thought of & her name is being said in Charlottesville, Virginia. You will always feel the loss, Jessica, but take comfort in knowing that your life is undeniably richer for her all-too-short time on this earth–and I know without a doubt that you’re the only one benefitting from her entirely unique self! Remember that you were the lucky woman who created her. 🙂
Jessica, what a beautiful little girl your Ansley was, and what a great loss you have suffered. Crying with you and praying for you today.
Remembering you Jessica and your little angel in Heaven, Ansley, today. May God send you a rainbow and a smile from above. From Vale, Oregon
You and Ansley have been in my thoughts all day. Love and prayers from Missouri.
Jessica,
Please know that you, your family, and your sweet angel Ansley are not forgotten today. Our family mourns and remembers with you.
Thank you for the courage to ask the hard question and know it has helped many today. We had a dear friend reach out to us about our little angel Sarah today because of you.
Blessings,
The Stein’s
Spring Hill, TN
Thinking of your family and precious Ansley today. Sending strength to you Jessica, to get through each day honoring your baby girl. She is proud.
Jessica,
I am sending you love from Nebraska. I lost my baby boy Miles in February this year to congenital heart disease. Your words ring ever so true. It is healing to keep saying and hearing our baby’s names… thank you for being brave and telling people. Your sweet girl Ansley is in so many hearts. Please know that you are not alone in your profound grief. I hope my message brings you a small moment of peace. Thinking of you tonight. ((Hugs))
~Dana
Jessica,
I am praying for you today and thinking of your beautiful Ansley, who will NEVER be forgotten!!
For now and for forever,
Love to you and Ansley!
sending so much love to you and ansley today – amanda from kansas
Happy Angel Day Ansley – our thoughts and prayers are with you and all of those that dearly love and miss you.
Jessica,
Thinking of you, Ansley and your family today.
Much love,
Danna
Jessica, thinking of you and everyone else in your family who loved Ansley. Hugs from north-central IN. Thank you for sharing the photos. What a beautiful amazing little girl!
Holding space inArlana, GA for Ansley and her mama Jessica, and for my friends who are also living with this terrible reality. Once a family, always a family.
Thinking of you, Jessica and your beautiful daughter Ansley, on this day. Sending you love and blessings. Toronto, ON, Canada
I am not Jewish but I think this traditional Jewish Memorial Prayer captures the beauty of the act of remembering loved ones that we have lost:
Traditional Jewish Memorial Prayer:
In the rising of the sun and it’s going down, we remember them.
In the blowing of the wind and the chill of the Winter, we remember them.
In the opening of buds and in the rebirth of Spring, we remember them.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of Summer, we remember them.
In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of Autumn, we remember them.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.
When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.
As long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us, as we remember them.
I read about Ansley this morning and the thought of losing a child brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of how precious each moment is and I spent some extra time snuggling with my baby instead of rushing around. I’ve been thinking of you, Jessica, and Ansley all day and I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Sending you love from Seattle…
Ansley <3
What a gorgeous little lady. My heart aches for you. From WV. Joy
Love and light mama!! You and Ansley are both loved!! Wrapping my arms around you tightly!!
Jessica, my heart is holding you close today. As you remember your beautiful Ansley on her Angel Day, know that my tears mingle with yours. Wishing you a measure of peace and hugs from California.
Jessica,
I have never been a Mom, but I am the daughter of a Mom gone too soon. Bless you, your family and Ansley for all the memories you have and all those that were taken away too soon.
Christine in Iowa
Jessica…thinking of you today….and your mama heart! Ansley…such a beautiful name..such a beautiful girl. My prayer for you amidst your grief is a small amount of peace…much love from Oregon.
Ansley is beautiful! We are sorry for your loss.
Love to Jessica and Ansley from Los Angeles California. Hope some of our golden sunshine lights your heart a little bit today.
Thinking of you, Jessica, and your precious daughter, Ansley. XOXO
Ansley angel day. Beautiful heartache. -love from ohio-
Wow! You are so very brave!!! And will always be Ansley’s mom. I wish I didn’t know how you feel but I do. I just hit my 6 month angel day for my 2 yr old son. It’s so difficult to know what to do next. Know that I’m thinking if you your angel and your family!
Sending love, hugs and strength. Definitely will be sharing your story on my son’s page.
Lauren-Connecticut
Sending love and thoughts to you from Connecticut. Your angel is not forgotten.
God bless you and Ansley!
Jessica, Peace and hugs to you on Ansley’s angel day from Nazareth, PA. I too have lost a child and know first hand the importance of remembering them. We send a balloon to heaven for our son every year. She is a beautiful little girl and my heart breaks for the pain you feel. ~ Erin
Thinking of you and Ansley. She is just beautiful. Hugs from Stephentown, NY.
Jessica,
Thinking if you today and wishing you peace and healing, and joining you in celebrating the life and memory of your beautiful Ansley.
Jessica, thinking of you and beautiful Ansley on this difficult day. I know she is watching over you, smiling down, and that one day, the two of you will be together again. That doesn’t take away the pain, or make the loss of a beautiful child any easier, but I hope it does bring you comfort to know that others are thinking of you, and your angel. God bless from TN.
Thank you, Jessica, for telling the world what we need. I’m so sorry for your loss of such a precious little girl. Ansley was lucky to have a mom like you to love and care for her during her time on this planet. Hold on to the hope that God has promised us. We will be with our babies again some day, and our hearts and arms won’t be aching anymore. I pray that you are overwhelmed with love on this day. Sending hugs and prayers from South Florida.
Ansley has such a wonderful sparkle in her eyes in the photos you shared. Thank you for sharing your story and her with the world.
-Fiona in Napa, CA
Hello Miss Jessica! My family and I are thinking of you and your Ansley and shouting her name to the fences. May your day be peaceful and may you think of her with a smile in your heart. Love from Mendocino, CA!
Jessica,
Ansley is so beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for standing up and reminding us all of someone in our lives that, although they may not be saying it, need our care and love. You are such an incredible momma. My heart is with you. Love from Seattle, WA.
Missing Ansley right along with you here in NJ <3
Jessica, Please know that prayers are coming from Wisconsin for you and your sweet Ansley. I lost my son last year, the day before his second birthday. I feel your pain and am saying lots of prayers for you today.
My youngest is about Ansleys age on her angel day. I saw her pics so beautiful and full of life. Her personality just shines out of those pics, so much so that I feel like I knew her. Scrolling down and seeing her grave, beautiful with balloons, I cried, uncontrollably. I can only imagine what it’s like to know someone as beautiful as Ansley. And to lose a child. I believe to the depths of my soul she is walking with you until you can be together with her again. I will remember and think of Ansley often. I send you love.
Your beautiful girl has touched people all around the globe today. Sending you, your family and Ansley lots of love. From Wellington, New Zealand
Jessica, Ansley lives on through you and many of us hope you can feel our love from afar. xoxo
She was beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. Amy in Boise.
Thinking of you and your daughter today. Hugs from Cyndy in GA
Jessica….from one grieving mother’s heart to another, I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray you feel Ansley close to you today as you remember, miss and mourn a little more today on her special day. I pray you have gentler days and can find some comfort from the pain of this unbearable loss. I know my son Will is helping her celebrate in Heaven. (((hugs))))
Happy Angel Day Ansley Hugs Karen from Maryland
Jessica,
So sorry for the loss of your precious Ansley. Sending love tonight from Thonotosassa, Florida
Jessica,
My heart hurts for your loss of sweet Ansley, and I am holding space for you. Thank you for sharing her story. She is remembered and loved. Wishing you peace,
-Michelle in Missouri
Jessica, I am a mother of three and can’t begin to imagine the pain and suffering you felt losing your sweet little girl, and still feel each day. We paused tonight and thought of your sweet girl and all of her friends and family effected
Annie
St. Louis, mo
Jessica — thinking of you and beautiful Ansley today. (Hugs) from Wisconsin.
Being a mother myself I Can’t help but shed a tear for your loss. There is no pain in life like the pain you must feel. Time may pass but I’m sure even time can’t heal that pain completely. I hope that you know that people do care and I pray that you find the comfort you need to ease that pain. You’re a wonderful mother and Ansley was lucky to have you.
Oh Jessica this ama weeps with you and your family today and celebrates your angel Ansley. Thank you for your bravery and your passion.
Dear Jessica, please know that my world is stopping for you and Ansley right now. I will never understand your pain or heartache but I do understand how the love for a child permanently occupies the place of a mother’s heart. Ansley will always be part of you. She will always be a part of this world. And the love that the world has for you, Ansley, and your family will continue forever. Peace and prayers always.
-Elizabeth, St. Louis, MO
I cannot imagine your pain but do know you are in my thoughts and your daughter Ansley is watching over you always. Godspeed!!!
Jessica, Brave Jessica,
I was one of those who didn’t know what to say at the time. This extraordinary post helped me to remember Your Beautiful Ansley, and your loss and pain. I am heartened by this outpouring of love and acknowledgement for you and your Ansley, from so many. I pray that you are strengthened by the broken silence, and that you feel surrounded by love.
Jessica,
Prayers & love being sent your way from Hernando, Ms on this, the anniversary of the angel day of your sweet Ansley. It’s been 15 1/2 years since my daughter, Christi and my grandchildren, Tyler, Cody & Erin earned their angel wings. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss them & wish I could tell them that I love them. It took courage to stand & express your feelings. Those of us that have experienced the loss of a child know that time stood still on that day while the rest of the world continued to move forward. Cherish your memories.
Happy Angel Day Ansley (((Hugs)))
Thinking of you today and sweet innocent Ansley. I am from Indiana and lost one of my twin daughters to SUDC just 2 months ago. Ansley lived, she existed, she was loved more than she ever dreamed of!
My heart just aches for every mom that has lost a child. What a precious little girl. Ansley continues to touch many lives and I hope that provides some comfort to you. Hugs from CA!
Happy Angel Day Ansley!!!(((hugs)))) Karen from Maryland
Jessica – Ansley is a beauty. Thinking and praying for today.
Dear Jessica,
Thinking of you and Ansley today. She is beautiful and you’re a wonderful mom.
Mary
Ansley, you and your family are in my thoughts today here in missouri.Say hello to our little Michael Robert.
I smiled and thought about Ainsley today in California- I hope your July 14th (and hers) are feeling buoyed by many people.
Jessica, I write from Los Angeles and was moved to tears by Glennons post about your precious girl Ansley. I thought about a close friend who lost a son a few years ago and how I don’t speak of him with her as much as I should. As soon as I submit this response I am going to reach out to her and say I was thinking about them both today. Thank you Ansley and Jessica for reminding me of something so important. May Ansley’s memory be a blessing to us all…
Jessica,
Ansley looked like she was a very happy, vibrant little girl. I am sure she is well loved and terribly missed today and every day. Congratulations on being the mom of such a wonderful and beautiful little girl. I feel certain that she watches over you and your family every day. Love and prayers!
Megan Newton
Louisville, KY
Jessica,
I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful girl, Ansley. I actually got here from a friend if yours, Beth. I have a friend who has a 7 year old son dying of cancer and I have talked to Beth often about what to do and say. I wanted you to know the impact your daughter had on her life and I am certain, so many others. I pray for your comfort every day, but especially today.
Jessica, I’m sending you a virtual hug! Ansley is a lovely name! I don’t know you but this article touched me. May God comfort you today and every day of your life. Love and hugs from Shelton, Washington.
Thinking about you and sweet Ansley……from Charlotte,NC
God Bless you and your beautiful Angel Ansley! Laura from CT
Jessica, I know your Ansley is safe in our Savior’s arms and His arms are wrapped around you too, hugging you both together.
What a beautiful little girl – love the name Ansley! Lost my son 6 1/2 months ago – no words can take the pain away. Thinking about you and sending lots of hugs your way, every day.
Jessica, I’m stopping my world to recognize Ansley’s Angel Day, to acknowledge your beautiful daughter’s life and to offer support to a very strong mama. Thank you for asking and answering that tough question. Prayers to you, Ansley and your families.
Lisa Marie
Columbus, Ohio
Happy angel day, Ansley:) I know you’re watching down on your mama and all of us right now. Love from San Antonio, TX
Emily
Ainsley is being remembered in my heart and my prayers today. My heart cries for your unimaginable loss; as a mom I just cannot imagine how it feels when our worst fear and nightmare comes true. I am so sorry. I hope you feel the love being sent your way; mine is coming to you from Dallas. 🙂
Dear Jessica,
I am so sorry for your loss, and can only imagine how much you have and still suffer. I admire how brave you were to get up in front of all those other women. Know that I am thinking of you and your little guardian angel, Ansley.
Much love from a Norwegian /global citizen
Jessica–may you feel this network of people running to you today to honor and remember Ansley. Let these messages be a gift of healing and love. Prayers for you tonight! Tracy (Madison, WI)
Jessica- I am so sorry for your loss and for your pain. I lost my first daughter Polly almost 3 years ago at the age of 1 month. Your words are perfectly said and I wish more people in your life understood them. As I write this I am thinking of your sweet Ansley and how proud she must be to have such an incredible mother. Thank you for touching my life and for opening the world up to the life of your precious Ansley. Xoxo -Hayley
Hayley, I am also holding space for you and your sweet little Polly.
So this is about a darling baby…I get it and my heart bleeds for this Mama. So let’s translate it to a friend who has lost a husband or a wife through death or divorce. What do we do? For how long until we are enabling her/him to hide in their grief? We are all learning even those of us who are old timers!
From Michigan, sending warm hugs and prayers to Jessica, Ansley’s warrior Mom.
Jessica. Thank you for sharing your story of Ansley. Your story is a gift to all of us. You are loved and she is remembered. God’s blessings to you and your your family.
Much love from Miami, FL
Jessica, you are amazing! You are brave, you are loving, and you are changing people’s lives. I wish I had known Ansley.
Ansley! Happy Angel Day beautiful baby girl!
Michelle from New Fairfield , CT
Jessica. You are loved and never ever doubt that Ansley’s life meant something.
Happy Angel day, Ansley! your momma will never forget and we won’t either! Your spirit has touch the earth and hearts for the time allowed and even though it has left an ache with in those hearts you’ve touch because they loved you so much, they are better for it because they got to love you and and have fun with you and you with them! May your mommy Jessica always know that even though others may not be around, you are, so she can talk to you too❤️
Jessica, I show up for you today to wish you peace and beautiful memories. May God bless you and your family!! Happy Angel Day Ansley
Thinking of your precious girl. Ansley! I’m Julie from hickory, Nc. Thanking God for her life today!!!
May you find peace in knowing that Mom’s everywhere are thinking of you and Ansley on this Angel day. You have taught us to ‘show up’ – thank you!
Keeping you and Ansley in our thoughts and prayers today here in North Carolina. xoxo
THANK YOU, Jessica, for saying what countless other grieving mothers wish to say and wish to have heard. Thank you for being brave, for standing up and for giving us a voice.What an impact your beautiful daughter, Ansley, has had on all of us. What a gift you have given us, on her behalf. Sending love, light, and massive hugs your way. From one grieving mom (in MN!) to another.
I am thinking of you and your sweet baby girl Ansley. Love and prayers from Maryland.
Jessica,
Ansley is indeed a precious little angel and I know you miss her every minute of every day. We lost our son Brian at the age of 21 and along with missing him every day we also thank God everyday for those 21 years he shared with us. So many memories and so much love. Thank you for speaking up and telling people what helps most is remembering Ansley and allowing you to talk about her and remember the joy she brought into your life.
Praying for you and for all of your family, today and always,
Jessica, I am so very sorry for the loss of your little beautiful angel Ansley. She will live in you forever. Sending you so much love, prayer and peace in your heart, especially today but also every single day. Sending you hugs from Billerica, MA
Jessica, my heart is breaking with yours today. Ansley is such a beautiful little girl. I know that our Karson is “in the next room” with your precious daughter. He is 16 and loves little children very much. He will be comforting and teasing a smile from her. My hope that our God wraps his loving arms around you and comforts you today and always. ((Hugs)) to you and Ansley.