Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Thinking of you and Ansley today, Jessica. May you feel gently wrapped in love.
Thinking of Ansley’s unique place in this world. May you always feel close to her.
Maria
Maryland
Speaking Ansley’s name and holding space for you today. Feel the Monkee love, Jessica!
For Ansley, and Jessica:
Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Hey Jessica,
Gosh – the photos are so vibrant that it seems like Ansley could jump out of the screen. She was a gorgeous baby. Love those big brown eyes. From the way she is all dolled up, I can tell you enjoyed dressing her up. The barrettes are too cute ! I’m sure she would have been a pretty, pretty teenager.
My niece is dying from metastatic cancer. It’s unbelievably wrong. I’m just mad at the world about it and yes, mad at God. But even as I am angry, I also know that she will be in a better place. Selfishly, we wanted more time with her.
Yesterday a counselor said something to the effect of this: “We don’t know what God has spared your niece from experiencing in the future. Such a beautiful, talented girl she is. Maybe God didn’t want her to see the ugly part of life because she is too good for that”.
Even as I type this, I know it sounds like a pithy Sunday School comment and that ticks me off. But a tiny, quiet part of me knows that your daughter and my niece are probably too good for this world.
What are you doing today? Is it making you feel better or worse? It just isn’t fair that you are suffering like this (and all the others who adored her). I admire your willingness to speak on a subject that is near and dear to many of our hearts.
Be blessed tonight
Jessica, bless you today as you remember your precious Ansley. Please understand that many of us are silent, not because we don’t care, but because we are so afraid of saying the wrong thing or of speaking a name and reopening a wound that may be healing. Hearing your thoughts may help us to more readily express what we feel.
Diane in Virginia
My prayers are with you and your family. God bless.
Jessica,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious Ansley. I lost my little boy Finn as a newborn and was struck by your courage to bring up such an important topic and to tell that group what is helpful for us mamas who’ve lost our little ones.
I hope you feel Ansley’s spirit with you and that you find her time and time again in the kindness of others.
Greensboro Nc
Prayers for you and your sweet girl, never forgotten.
~ Arizona
I was there that night, and have been thinking of you here in Atlanta. I pray that this gives you renewed strength of spirit. Ansley will never be forgotten and she will feel the love being poured out for her.
Jessica- Remembering Ansley and thinking of you today.
Happy birthday precious Ansley!
Showing up for you and Ansley. I have no words. Just wish I had something magical to help. Xoxo
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. I struggle with how to speak with friends who have experienced similar loss – and your story helped me find a way that I can help my mama friends. Take care of you.
Jessica,
I’m sending love to you and thinking of your darling Ansley!
Emily
Glen Allen, VA
Angel Day wishes for Ansley and hugs for her Mama! Jessica, I was there in silence when you shared your story with all gathered in Trinity Church, and you are a warrior – may you feel love and warmth today and everyday.
Jessica,
Ansley is beautiful! I think you are doing an awesome job as her mother! Your’re helping her continue to make a difference and leave her mark in this world. Thank you for your bravery in speaking up, sharing your story about your precious daughter and letting others know what we, as parents who have lost children, need. Talking about them is a way to help keep their spirit alive. I’ve said a prayer for you tonight for strength and peace. Hugs to you from Carmen (Knoxville, TN)
Jessica, thank you for sharing Ansley with the world. I love how you can see her personality with her smile and those expressive eyes. Hugs today, and every day.
Showing up for you. Praying for you. Thinking of you.
Jessica,
I was at Glennon’s talk in Atlanta when you stood up and shared about your sweet Ansley. I remember the pain you shared and the desire for your sweet angel to be remembered. Please know I remember and am praying for you. I pray you feel lifted of up prayer today as we all remember your precious little girl and how she made you a mommy forever!
Jessica, blessings on you and your family today, as you remember with love your precious Ansley. Thank you for reminding us to “be there” for our friends– and for telling us how.
Ginger (Cleveland OH)
Thinking of you today from Massachusetts. I lost my two daughters in Feb of this year and feel the same as you. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
My prayers today are for your little angel Ansley. Jessica you’re a brave woman. An inspiration. Stay blessed. Mimi
Oh, Jessica! I am so, so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful baby girl, Ansley. Both of my twin daughters died before coming home from the hospital, and though a different kind of loss, I can tell you my friends disappeared too. Guess it was too rough for them, too awkward, uncomfortable, sad, real, I don’t know. I have difficulty sharing that info with new friends, for fear things will become awkward and they will disappear too. It’s odd how when someone loses a parent, sibling, friend, it seems polite to mention it and give condolences. Yet when someone loses a child they are shunned as If they have a contagious fatal disease. I applaud you for sharing with that room of people. I long for someone to say my babies names, to remember their birth/angel days, to pray for them. Other than my parents and parent in laws, NO ONE does. My husband’s birthday is tomorrow, so it will be easy for me to remember your precious girl. I hope you won’t mind if I light my daughters’ candles for Ansley on this day each year. I pray that you are functioning better than I do around their dates, and I send you a huge hug. Little Ansley is smiling down on her momma, waiting for the day you are meant to be together again.
I wish you peace, Warrior.
“If you know someone who has lost a child, and you’re afraid to mention
them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that
they died–you’re not reminding them. They didn’t forget they died. What
you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and
…that is a great gift.”
― Elizabeth Edwards
Dearest Jessica,
Sometimes we run from the unbearable, forgetting that our friends are living it, day after day. Thank you for the reminder to lean it, no matter what it brings up for US, because this was never about US. It is about YOU, and helping you to remember your beautiful baby Ansley. Much love and thanks for your courage.
Katia
I hold space for you and sweet Ansley. Thank you for standing up and sharing what you (what we all) need during the greatest loss. You are in my heart.
From one of the 400 who shared your tears in the church last month ~
Becky of Alpharetta Georgia
Praying for you today Jessica and remembering your sweet Ansley. Angel days and saying our precious children’s names are so important for others to remember with us! My sweet Jonathan ‘ s 6th angel day is this July 31. May God help you to feel joy today as you continue remember your beautiful daughter! Hugs to you!
Holding space for you today as you especially remember your beautiful daughter Ansley. Thank you for being brave and telling the world what you needed. I suspect many silent, grieving parents received the comfort of presence and knowledge that their child is not forgotten by others today, just because of your honesty.
–Peoria, IL
Jessica, Thank you for putting into words my exact feelings as I lost my daughter 8 years ago. Keeping Riley’s name and memory out there is my mission and I talk about her as often as I can. God bless your little Ansley and your family.
Jessica – thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today…sending love and hugs and peace your way
Jessica, my prayers are with you and I will remember your precious Ansley. Her memory now lives on with all of us. Sending love from Madison, WI.
Jessica, thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley. She was a gorgeous little girl. So sad she was taken so soon. Hope your friends and family read and undestand that hearing memories of Ansley would be the way to remember her.
Jessica, I’m looking at these pictures of your sweet Ansley, and her smile and bright eyes are a gift to the world. My heart aches for the sadness you must ensure, but I know you are so blessed to be Ansley’s mommy. Thinking of you and sending love from Oklahoma.
The loss of children is beyond my comprehension, but today Jessica, know that Ansley is REMEMBERED. By thousands and thousands who would love to be there with you to sit and hear the stories of her life.
-Lauren (Maine)
Jessica,
Glennon’s right; there are no perfect words. Just know you are not alone today, or any day. There are people who understand. The 1800 people who have commented before me and I are here; we have shown up as we all should be doing for each other every day. We are thinking of you, remembering Ansley, and wishing you a healing heart filled with many great memories of your baby girl. She’s beautiful.
Sending you love from Boston, MA
From one Warrior Mama to another, sending you a warm embrace and much love from Sydney, Australia. In memory of your daughter Ainsley and all our angel babies. X
Thinking of you, Jessica, and your precious angel, Ansley! May you feel all the love being sent your way!
Sweet Ansley….what a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl…my little girls name is Sarah…her angel day is October 9….I understand the importance of people just saying her name in everyday conversation…She is still my girl and I am still Sarah’s momma…love and prayers to you and your sweet family….
Jessica,
I am so glad you spoke up and asked us for what you needed. Ansley is the most precious and beautiful little girl. I am crying for the thought of you not being together in physical bodies. I don’t know how you’ve continued to breath or do anything without your Ansley here, but I think you are Wonder Mom. I’m sending all my love from Albuquerque, NM.
I will pray for your peace Ansley’s mommy, Jessica. And I will pray that you, Ansley’s mommy, never ever stops loving. I LOVE YOU JESSICA, but remember, no one loves YOU more that GOD!
Your sister in Christ,
Janie
Dear Jessica, I shared Ansley’s story with my 13 year old son. You see, he lost his 15 yr. old brother Niko to SUDC on Oct. 21, 2012 which was four days after his 12th birthday. Niko’s 16th was to be 8 days after he died. Birthdays definitely hold deep emotions for us. We thank you for your bravery and exposing your still broken heart. I wish you peace, love and a birthday visit from your beautiful daughter. Sonya from Sacramento, CA
Thinking of you and your beautiful little girl tonight from MN! Wishing you peace and many blessings
Jessica,
Youre comment were so true, today I took a moment to think of you and Ansley and also to think of my daughter in law Angela Reich and her daughter and my grand daughter Addison Faith Reich. We lost Addison a year ago January during an open fetal surgery. Prayers for you and all the others that have lost children.
Nikki
Thinking of you today, Jessica. Thank you for sharing your story of Ansley. You are loved and she is remembered.
Much love from Pennsylvania!
Jessica – my husband died nearly two years ago (9/24) and I understand how you feel about people not saying your daughter’s name…and the pain you feel as a result. Ansley was a beautiful girl and a precious gift. I pray that each day you are gifted a little more healing and a little more strength. Hold tight to your memories of Ansley and continue to honor her by sharing her story, and your story. Thank you, Jessica. I appreciate your bravery and openness.
Your Ansley is beautiful and will always be a part of your life. You have her memories, and she has a piece of your heart. I know this because I lost my sweet Brianne, 25 years old, almost 3 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. Thank you for sharing Ansley with us.
Jessica – much love to you today…. Prayers from Littleton, CO
Jessica,
I have tears in my eyes reading your story, but this isn’t about me. This is about you and your precious baby girl Ansley whom, while you hold her in your heart always, you don’t get to hold her in your arms today. So I and many other sisters around the world are sending you many hugs to fill those arms today, and while we know that won’t bring her back, please know we are hugging our little guy a little tighter this evening as we pray for your precious family this evening. Much love from Colorado, Ebeth Lones
Thinking of you and your precious baby. Hugs (and a few tears).
Jessica – I am thinking about you and your beautiful daughter, Ansley, here in Leesburg, VA. What a beautiful girl!
Jessica, I don’t know you, but I grieve with you right now, at the end of Ansley’s angel day. I just learned some powerful things from what you’ve shared and I’m more equipped now to stand fully with my friends who have faced the same grief. I hope you are overwhelmed with strength tonight even amid all the turmoil of other choking, painful memories, thoughts, and questions.
Your words were so enlightening. THANK YOU and ANSLEY. You have both made a difference in the world.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and not forgetting your precious daughter, Ansley. May God’s hands wrap around you and your family.
Jessica,
You have inspired me to call a good friend of mine who lost her little girl about 5 years ago. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
Julia (Bear, DE)
Jessica, Praying for peace and joy for you and your family. I am so thankful you spoke up and that we can all stand with you today. Ansley is proud of her Mama and we all know it. Your family is in my prayers and I will pray for you and your little girl everyday. God Bless you!
Aubrey – Grand Rapids, MI
Thinking of you and your special angel today, Hugs and Prayers from NH, where we shall remember Ansley always. Thank you for opening our eyes to what we should be doing and saying for our friends touched by tragedy. You are very brave, may you be richly Blessed. I am praying for a miracle baby and if God sends me a girl then I shall have no trouble picking out the middle name 🙂 Remember, she is smiling down on you, among our friends in high places, our great cloud of witnesses, and she doesn’t want to see you sad. (((HUGS))) Feel free to write to me, I would love to hear from you.
Thinking of you and your precious angel Ansley today!
Jessica, I thought about and said Ansley’s name today :o) I also took a minute to say a prayer for you as I know your heartache—-I try to say my Sweetie Pie, Drew’s name and LOVE it when other’s do actually talk, cry and laugh with me to remember his name! ANSLEY, ANSLEY, ANSLEY—oh what a BEAUTIFUL name that fits the PRECIOUS little girl in the pictures :o)
Jessica, Ansley is beautiful and you are lucky to have gotten to be her mama and to love on her sweet face. I’m sorry she’s not there for you to hold anymore and my heart hurts for you. – Millersville, MD
Thinking of your beautiful Ansley today and you as well Jessica. You are not alone. May you feel the love and peace and blessings today and always.
Jessica, my heart hurts for you and Ansley, I lost my Kyle in 1976 and wasn’t able to speak his name aloud without absolute physical pain until very recently. Unfortunately even though people have the best of intentions they are afraid to say much for fear of saying the wrong thing, and some do say the worst things. I pray for some ease to your heart, and only the best memories of your sweet beautiful girl. Arlene in idaho
Prayers from Aiken South Carolina.
Dear Jessica,
You do Ansley proud by sharing your story and hers so that more friends and sisters will know better how to comfort mothers who must grieve the ultimate loss. Thank you for speaking up. That you are still standing is a testament to your strength and your commitment to honouring your daughter’s memory. Much love from Canada.
Stopping to think of you and your sweet girl on this day. Thank you for sharing your story. Because of it, I’m off now to reach out to a friend who has also suffered the loss of a child.
Jessica, thank you for being brave enough to stand up in front of so many women! You are in my thoughts and prayers right now – that you may be comforted by an unexplainable peace. Ainsley is not forgotten. I know her story and your bravery has touched people’s lives! I lost my husband almost 6 years ago – I resinate with you on what you said. Our 12 year anniversary would have been yesterday and I heard from very few friends and family. Hang in there! Grief is tough! I pray that women in your life surround you with love. Birmingham, Alabama
from South Jordan UT. Dear Jessica,
I am so sad at the loss of your darling girl, Ansley. Peace my friend and warrior on. Alane
Jessica, the loss of a child breaks all the hearts of the world. Today, I stop and call Ansley’s name, to God and into the world. I remember, we remember. May God’s grace and peace surround you this day and in all the days to come.
Thinking of you and your daughter Ansley – praying for you and your family.
Shannon – Cumming, GA
Jessica, we show up to remind you that your angel, Ansley, is not forgotten and is teaching us (the friends of those who have lost a child) how to be better friends. Thank you and God bless you!!
Hi Jessica I am from Stonehouse in Scotland an you an your beautiful daughter Ansley are in my thoughts an prayers and I am sorry for your loss I also lost my daughter Lucy B on 17th July 2011 to Viral Myocarditis it will be her 3 year angel anniversary this Thursday not sure how I have survived 3 years but I do know how you feel love an hugs xxx
Jessica…I’m so sorry for your heartache and loss!!! I know and understand your pain and what you’ve felt and still feeling , at the loss of your precious little Ansley..When my son was murdered in 2006,,,family and friends turned their backs on me, walked away.. never to hear from then again!!! Kenny’s special day was celebrated by me and only me…Even today, 8 yrs later…I only hear his name when I speak it…friends and family are no longer…I’m so glad you stood up and spoke how a parent feels, when their world falls apart and becomes void of family and friends… <3 I live in Billerica, Massachusetts…
Carolynn, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your son. Here’s another Billerica mom sending you much love and prayers.
Just LOOK at that gorgeous smile! What a sweet picture of Ansley eating the strawberry. That must have been an awesome day.
Thinking of you today, Jessica, and your darling Ansley! You remind us that a mother’s (and father’s) love endures forever. She will always be your baby and you will always be her mom. Ansley lives forever in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved her!
Barbara, Vancouver, WA
Oh dear Jessica,
I stop today to remember, care about, think about your precious little Ansley. This is a day for you and Ansley! I, too, have lost children. My two daughters, Nevaeh (02/26/12-04/16/12) and Malachi (10/05/13), as well as 7 other babies that Ive lost (miscarriage), so Im here. So much love for you and Ansley!
Lifting you and your family up today and always. Your sweet baby girl, Ansley, is in all of our thoughts! May you feel full of love today and always!
Jessica, we show up for you today and for your beautiful Ansley. She is not forgotten! She is in Heaven, dancing with my Katie who died 4 years ago. God bless you both.
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. Thank you for standing up and saying what you need and for reminding me to always show up.
Hi Jessica, thank you for your advice. I know just the person I need to reach out to. I’ve never known what to say to her but now I know all she needs to hear is her baby boys NAME! Thanks to your Ansley and you being so brave many of us can now help others know we haven’t forgotten. God Bless you!
Phoenix, AZ
From Paso Robles, California. Jessica, you are not alone in grieving for your Ansley. The Monkees are all holding you in their hearts. I wish I could be there in person to hug you. Sending you prayers for comfort and peace.
Wishing you peace as you grieve such a loss. Ansley is beautiful. Praying comfort and much love.
jessica, thinking of you and your sweet baby girl today. love from texarkana, texas.
I lost my 31 year old son nearly 5 years ago. Hugs.
Sweet Jessica~
You and I had baby girls on the same day, April 19th, 6 years apart. I will now always remember your Ansley on her birthday. To show up for Glennon (and for yourself) in what looked like church in the photos is the bravest act ever, especially when your heart is so broken. You just changed a bunch of lives and turned on the lights. Sending so much love and hope from Baltimore.
Jessica, I hope you have an amazing year. May we never forget the beauty of your daughter. Love, Leona
For Ansley and Jessica, to me, you are worth stopping the world for.
Thinking of you and your precious Ansley today.
Ansley’s beautiful smile just brought me so much joy this evening. Thank you for sharing your beautiful baby girl with us.
Mandy (Cumming, Georgia – I was blessed to hear you speak about Ansley as I was at the same event as you last month! Thank you for sharing. We all needed to hear your words and be reminded to support, love, and remember…)
Jessica, my 3 year old son and I pray each night for people we know and love. Tomorrow night, we will pray together for angel Ansley. -Joelle, Vienna, VA
Jessica, you are in my thoughts and prayers. God blessed you with your darling Ansley, and He blessed her with you as her mama. Your strength and courage are an inspiration to me. With love, Jennie (Nazareth, PA)
Sending love, Jessica. Thinking of your beautiful Ansley.
Jessica, I’m thinking of you and your sweet Ansley tonight. Sending best wishes for peace and comfort from NC.
ANSLEY!
I call her name to the wild spirit forces.
May they embrace Jessica and whisper Ansley’s name in her ear.
Just as the 14th of July is Ansley’s day, today is Avery’s day. My son’s. My heart.
For us, the world stands still.
Thinking of you and your special, precious and forever loved Ansley today. Much love <3 xx
God comfort you Jessica. We lost a 5 month old baby this year. We are still trying to process this unexpected end to a beautiful life. Thank God for Heaven and thoughts that we will see Ansley and Jace again.
Jessica, Your daughter Ansley is adorable! I would love to learn more about her. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family on her angel day. Big hugs from another grieving mom in Utah.
Love to you, Jessica , and your family. Ansley was such a cute and beautiful girl!
I am grieving with you and sending comfort your way. Thank you for sharing with all of us.
Thinking of you, Jessica, and your beautiful girl, Ansley. Sending much love and prayers from Glade Spring, VA.
Thank you for being brave enough to stand up and say what you needed, you are an inspiration. What a blessed little girl Ansley was to have you as her Mom. God bless you Jessica.
Carrie – Pleasanton, CA
Hi Jessica. Thinking of you and Ansley. She will not be forgotten. My angel baby girl would have been 4 this year and my angel baby boy would be have been 2. Hugs…
Jessica, we SHOW up for you today. Praying peace and joy and beautiful remembrance. Ansley was an amazing blessing and she is blessing you even now as she watches over you and your family. Blessings on you and your family Jessica!!!