Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Jessica ansley is beautiful and I hope you realise that even though we never met her that she has now brought us all together in a very special way
Thinking of you and Ansley and all of the joy she brought to you during her life. Lots of love from Philadelphia,PA
Jessica, I am thinking of you on Ansley ‘s birthday. Be well, and I wish you a grace and peace.
Jessica, thank you for standing up that night. For bringing that special, painful moment to us all. You a warrior and not forgotten and neither is Ansley, ever!
Shelly, Atlanta
I understand what you mean. You just don’t want them to be forgotten. I have lost two sons, and I love when someone contacts me and says they are thinking of my sons, or have wondered how the family was. With FB, it helps to be able to keep track of their friends, and yet it’s a little sad to wonder what they would be doing if they were still here. They are always in our hearts, and it feels so good to find out that they are in the hearts of others as well.
Sending a long, tight hug your way today from northern Virginia. I am so sorry for your loss.
Oh sweet Jessica, how I weep for you today. I weep for your struggle and I weep for the woman your baby would have become. You are loved, by all these strangers, and Ansley is too.
Please accept my love and prayers from New York. I pray peace and strength find you today and every day.
Thank you for this lesson.
Jessica I know that Ansley is looking from Heaven at her mother. I live in Tulsa, Oklahoma and I have 3 grown daughters. Your words have spoken to me and I would feel the same way if I lost one of my girls. No one can understand your grief but my prayer for you today is that Angels spread their wings around you as they are doing for Ansley in Heaven.
I am standing with you here in Portland,OR. Saying Ansley’s name out loud. Remembering my friend who lost her 12 year old daughter, Taylor this year. Thank you for the reminder to say their names out loud.
I am so sorry you lost your baby girl. She is beautiful in the pictures, and it looks like her smile would have lit up a room. I wish you and your family God’s peace.
Sending prayers for Ansley’s mom, Jessica and her entire family.
Shawna…….Traverse City, Mi
Prayers for you Jessica & Ansley from Muskego, Wisconsin <3
We are thinking of you today and loving you today, Jessica, and sweet angel Ansley. Thank you reminding all of us warriors that we need to just SHOW UP for each other no matter how hard it is.
It is so difficult for people to know how to navigate a relationship with someone who’s lost a child. On April 21, 2013, we lost our precious Nicholas Edward when he was one day old, born after a healthy, full-term pregnancy. The grief is all-consuming, and people tend to retreat because you are living their worst nightmare. Of course, that only makes it worse for us who ARE living a nightmare.
Today, know you are NOT alone, and that there are hundreds of Monkees sending you love and support and prayers and good energy from all around the country. Here in Cincinnati, Ohio, we lit a candle in honor of Ansley and prayed that she and Nicholas and all of our lost children will find each other in heaven and help us find each other on earth.
Love.
Meg
Blessings to you and your beautiful daughter Ansley.
Jessica, Happy Birthday to your precious Ansley! Hugs and prayers from Haubstadt, IN
Ansley, Ansley, Ansley.
Jessica, thinking of you and Ansley today, along with everyday since your words at the event in June in Atlanta. I am so thankful for G doing this today. You are a brave and wonderful woman and your Ansley is never forgotten. Love, Shelly, Decatur, GA
Hi Jessica, I care & I have thought about your wonderful girl Ansley. Much love from Plymouth, MA.
Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss. That sounds kind of formal, but it’ll have to do. I am stopping my world for you today, to think about your precious little girl. I am holding space for you tonight. Thank you for being so brave and asking that question, especially knowing that you might get that awful uncomfortable silence. What a great way to open this up for people to talk about. Glennon was definitely the right one to ask!
I lost my baby boy of 8 days, almost 7 years ago. So you & I are both part of that terrible club, but as time goes on, I hope that it will not be such a private, lonely group. People will feel comfortable sitting with us, even if they don’t feel that they belong. So again, thank you for asking the question. As you can see, a lot of people were touched.
Hugs to you as you celebrate your beautiful little girl!
Btw, I am in Minneapolis.
Thinking of you. I lost my dad on September 19, 2013 unexpectedly in a motorcycle wreck. Every day is hard. People all grieve and handle death so differently but just know that you have others that are thinking of you and praying for you.
Praying for Mama Jessica and her Angel Ansley in Norfolk, Nebraska… thank you for sharing at such a deep, raw level. God bless your family!
To Jessica, Ansley’s mama: remembering your baby girl today in Indiana.
What a lovely girl. My thoughts are with you, Jessica. Ann Arbor, Michigan
Dear Ashley’s Mama, what a beautiful little girl! I can see what a gift she was and still is. My little Zara, age 6, joined Ashley 8 months ago. I hope that they are angel buddies running around together.
Sue Lin
Decatur, GA
I’m reading this in tears. I’m thinking about that beautiful baby girl of yours, Ansley. I know you will forever be her momma. Thinking about you today and thank you for having the courage to stand up and say that. I am reminded to reach out to my friends now that I’ve heard your message. I lost a brother 7 years ago and I love it when people mention him. Blessings to you and your family, including Ansley.
Thinking of you today Jessica and your beautiful baby girl Ansley. May The Lord surround you with angels and give you comfort and peace. Hugs to you.
Candace
Canton, Ohio
Jessica, prayers are pouring out to your family today! Ansley is a beautiful young lady now, laughing, running, cart-wheeling through heaven. I’m sure she blows you kisses and gives you hugs more than you’ll ever know. Hold dear to your precious memories and smile when you see her face in your mind. <3
Kristy-Atlanta, GA
Ansley is so beautiful and may your memories of her bring you as much joy as heartbreak – Doreen from Virginia
Jessica, your little Ansley is absolutely beautiful! Please know that your words truly resonate with me as I have a friend who just lost their little one and i have been at a loss as to how to “be there” for him and his wife. Your beautiful angel Ansley will not be forgotten and neither will your words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Love and prayers from buffalo ny
Ansley is a beautiful name and a beautiful little girl! Thinking and praying for you Jessica and family.
Your daughter will never be forgotten.
Jessica, thank you and taking this moment to remember your beautiful Ansley.
Much peace and blessings to you.
Mary from Maryland
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley’s place in this world. Lots of love to you today!
Jessica, you are incredible. Ansley, you are missed and loved and held in our minds today. We love you both. Thank you for entering into my day, even if just for a few minutes via computer. Sending so much love your way. Ellen, Kansas City
Jessica, we are celebrating my Grandma’s 96th birthday today. She still lives in the house my grandpa built in 1953. She still has all her teeth, drives a car and talks on her cell phone. I don’t know why she gets so many wonderful years on this earth when Ansley got so few, but I do know how precious time with our loved ones is. I hope you’ve remembered the joy today. Take care of yourself!
Missy – Tuscola, Illinois
I was also in the room when you stood up and told us about Ansley. I admired your courage so much, although I know it comes from tremendous pain. I have made a conscious effort to be more courageous with folks who have experienced such a loss. All of us learned something important that night. Thanks for continuing to be a great mother and teacher for the rest of us. I feel your sadness with you today.
Marietta, GA
Jessica, Tonight I am thinking of you and your sweet Ansley from Amherst, Ma. I am not a mother yet, but will be in the next 2-4 weeks depending on when this little life in me decides to make his/her appearance. Already I feel the weight of my purpose shifting to keeping this thing alive and happy, and even though the loss of a child is always a very real possibility I cannot even let myself imagine it, because then all the pregnant hormones leak out of my eyes. 🙂 I think you are so incredibly brave to keep living, keep going out in public, keep telling your and Ansley’s story, and to keep teaching others how they can grieve/celebrate/love you through it all. Thank you for showing me how strong mama’s can be, doing the hardest things, DOING them, LIVING them.
I am thinking of you, Jessica and your beautiful baby girl, Ansely. This weekend I have celebrated two other lost babies of my friends and I appreciate your bravery and your reminder that I need to continue to honor them and their beloved and lost too early children in years to come. Sending love and prayers from Great Falls, VA.
Dear Jessica, All my love and all my tears. Blessings blessings blessings for you, your family and beautiful Ansley.
Denise
Snoqualmie WA
Thinking of you and your precious angel today and everyday.
You are NOT alone.
All our love, prayers and support,
John and Silina
<3 Ansley <3 You are so very loved and so missed. <3
I have been holding you in my heart today. You and Ansley and all of your family. Much love coming to you. Do you feel it?
Your beautiful daughter Ansley is in my heart today – I am thinking of you and your family here in Sydney, Australia xx
Jessica,
From the bottom of my heart I’m mourning your loss today. I’m so sorry that you have to face this life without Ansley. My prayers are with you.
Erin (Alexandria, VA)
So many of us don’t have any words, but we are thinking of you, your family, and Ansley.
Jen in NJ
Jessica my heart goes out to you! Thinking of you and your beautiful baby girl today!
I’m so sorry for your terrible loss. Thinking of you and your sweet angel today.
Betsy, Asheville, North Carolina
Jessica, I’m from South Africa but currently living in Seattle.
I’m so sorry for your loss of Ansley, she looks so precious and full of life in the photo’s.
Our daughter, Nicqelle lost her final battle in December 2012. It is so hard to explain how we feel about her.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions regarding Ansley. It’s so hard to explain sometimes how it feels to be a part of this “club” none of us ever applied to join.
Sending Ansley, you and your family lots of love and light today and every day until your souls meet up again. Peace.
Jessica and family,
I’m remembering you and your precious, Ansley in my thoughts and prayers today.
Thanks for your thoughts…we needed to know.
Kristen in Racine, WI
Jessica,
You and your beautiful angel are in my thoughts. Love and light to you and yours…
Thinking of you, your family and your angel baby today.
Every angel deserves to be remembered.
There are no words…yet know I am holding you and Ansley close, across the miles and through this wild and wonderful cyberspace. Sending love and light to you sweet Ansley’s mama. I am grateful for your honesty and willingness to openly share your pain. Thank you. Paula
Jessica,
Thinking of you, your family, and your beautiful Ansley this evening. Praying for peace and comfort.
Hugs from Jessica – Kentucky
Thinking of you and your incredible loss of Ansley. May the Lord bless and keep you in the hollow of His hand, and bring you His peace.
Lovingly in Jesus name,
Nancy
Edina, Minnesota
Thinking of you and Ansley. Love from Houston, TX…Liz
Jessica, I am sorry for this enormous loss. My oldest son was born the same year as Ansley. It seems so unfair that he is here to leave his dirty socks on the floor, spill milk on the table, and give me a hug and kiss good night, and Ansley isn’t here to do the same for you.
Erin in Hancock, Michigan
Thinking of you and of Andsley today, in Indianapolis. What a beautiful child you created.
Jessica – sweet angel Ansley smiles down on you every single day.
My prayers are with you tonight!
Love & hugs from Florida – Judy
Jessica, your pictures of Ansley are adorable! May God surround you with his love today and every day.
Jackie, Grand Rapids, Michigan
I am here, a distant friend and Mom, who has cried reading this, and adored every picture of Ansley. Happy Angel Day, Jessica. I will be sharing your story tonight with my family, and carrying her spirit and love forward.
Carrying you both in my heart, with love from Arizona, Brenda S.
Jessica, I’m also the mom of an angel, and I’m remembering your precious Ansley. Thank you for your spot-on words for those who know not what to say or do. I will say her name…Ansley. She was a big, beautiful bubbly part of your world. I know it’s so hard to think that what time we had with our children is all we get this side of Heaven, but I’m thankful you were and are Ansley’s mom, just as I am still Amanda’s. God bless you, Jessica. I hope this little bit of love from Oklahoma helps bring peace to your heart on this day.
My sister shared this article on her non profit page QuinnMadeleine.org. You see she lost her precious little girl on 8/16/13. Quinn was just shy of 15 months. She was the light and joy in so many lives. My sister’s biggest fear is that people will forget Quinn. I hear that sentiment in you from the article. I promise you that I will always keep Ansley in my heart and thoughts. She will be thought of and prayed for. I am so sorry for your loss. I know Ansley will forever live in your thoughts and heart, now you know she will be in mine as well.~Mary O’Leary Fayetteville GA
Thinning of you and your family on Ansley’s day.
thinking of your dear sweet precious Ansley…Jessica, you will be in my thoughts and prayers for many nights to come…Janet from Georgia
Thinking of you and Ansley! May the memories and the kind words of remembrance bring warmth to your heart on this day. Sending lots of love from Mooresville, NC
Ansley happy birthday sweet girl. We will not forget. That today is a day about you. Christian Lewellen. Savannah ga
My name is Bobbie Burden, I just read this article sent to me by a dear friend who read it and it made her think of me. We lost our baby girl 28 yrs ago and our life hasn’t been the same. I know you miss your baby girl Ansley and praying God sends you comfort in knowing you are not alone.People don’t talk alot about our baby and it seems as she has been forgotten sometimes. But she lives forever in my heart as does Ansley live in yours. We are from Maceo Ky and will say prayers for you and your breaking heart.
Jessica,I too lost a daughter so I can say I do understand your pain in losing Ansley.Praise God, He will and is making something beautiful out of this tragedy. Love, prayers and blessings from Knoxville, TN
Jessica,
I just wanted to let you know I cried for you, your beautiful angel, Ansley, and wished for peace and comfort today on her Angel day. I found this community after losing my own daughter almost two years now, and I still cry uncontrollably sometimes when the weight of missing her hits me. Thank you for sharing, and please know even though we may not know each other, there is an ‘army’ of mothers who feel just like you do, actively remembering our angels every day. Be blessed.
Oh my goodness. Today is my son’s birthday and he just turned 9. I gave him an extra big hug and I swear I could feel Ansley with us. She is still here because she gave all of us a gift today – and so did you. Blessings.
Even in your picture, I can see the sparkle in Ansley’s eyes. She no doubt gave you great joy and lives on in you and everyone who knew her. Look how many people she is influencing today–thanks to your courage and great love for her. Thank you for reminding us to all step forward in those darkest of times.
Prayers for you Jessica, Ansley’s mom. Ansley, you are one of God’s sweetest angels. Georgia
Hugs to you, Jessica, and the rest of your family. Your sweet baby girl Ansley is missed and cherished by those that never met her. Thank you for teaching us how to love a mama that has lost her sweet child. Much love to you!
Beth
Orlando, Florida
Jessica, you and your angel baby will never be forgotten. From Atlanta, GA from a woman who’s friend, Lisa, also lost Ainsley two years ago in May. I will remember Ansley every time I remember Ainsley and think of you as well.
Dear Jessica,
I am thinking of sweet Ansley and her big brown eyes. Such a beautiful little girl that left too early. I am so sorry for your loss.
Love and light from Denver, CO,
Nicole
Praying for JESSICA and thinking of Ansley today from Alabama!
Jessica,
I am thinking of you, your family, and your sweet angel Ansley today. You are such a loving mom and I am amazed by your strength. I hope you spent the day telling stories about your favorite memories with Ansley and she was looking down and smiling I’m sure. God bless you and your family.
Erin from Pittsburgh
This was so very perfect, I wish all my family and friends would read this. Tears for your broken mama’s heart, Jessica. You’ll see your beautiful baby girl one day again, I believe. We had a SUID situation as well as the passing of another child all within 16months. You never stop grieving, and I pray for good family and friends to surround you with love and lift you up.
Xoxo
Thinking of you, your family, and Ansley today. No one should ever have to feel the loss of a child, and I hope that today and every day you know how many people would hug you and cry with you and listen to your stories if we could.
Ansley is lucky to have you as her mother – you will always be the mother of this beautiful girl. I pray that you have love and support to lift you up this day and every day.
Dillsburg, PA
Happy Angel Day sweet baby girl Ansley! You are so loved and will always be remembered! My heart hurts for your loss Jessica.
Minneapolis, MN
Thinking of you and your precious girl today.
Much love. Tiffany in Birmingham, Alabama
Thinking of your sweet Ansley today. Love and support to you from NH.
Holding space for you, Jessica, and your Ansely.
-Jillian, in Tampa
Hi Jessica,Taking this moment to pause and think of you and Ansley. Warmest wishes from Charleston, SC. Kelly
Jessica, I was at Trinity Pres when you shared Ansley’s story. Thinking of you, your family and sweet Ansley. XO
May God bless you and your family and continue to bring you peace as you remember Ansley!
Holding a scarred space for your and Ansley right this moment. You are always her mama and neither of you are forgotten <3
Stephanie, from Portland, OR. And I’m holding space for you and your Ansley today… And for my dear friend Tracy and her angel son, Jake!
To sweet Ansley and her family who love her everyday forever Amen. A girl in Ankeny Iowa and her family are thinking of you today.
Jessica-
From one mama to another, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine how much you must miss Ansley. I truly believe your words will impact many people, if nothing else I know that it has impacted me and will be in my mind when I am with friends that have lost children. A special prayer will be said for you and your family from~ St. Johns, Michigan.
Your daughter Ansley was adorable. I am sorry that you were not given more years to be with her on Earth. The love that you share with her is making you a stronger person. Loved ones never really completely leave our lives.
Hugs
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today—hugs to you, mama!
Megan
Columbus, Ohio
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley today. Hugs from Texas
Thank you for helping us reach out in love and compassion to others.
Ansley is a beautiful child, may youhave warm loving memories
From Sandi (Parker, Colorado)
Thinking of beautiful Ansley today Jessica. She will never be forgotten. We lost our son 2 yrs ago I totally understand the importance of saying and hearing her name. I will light our candle tonight for your
beautiful angel. Xo
Taking a moment to remember your sweet Ansley today. I am so sorry she cannot be here on Earth for you to snuggle. I pray that Jesus will return soon so you can be reunited with your precious baby girl. Sending hugs from Atlanta. Jenn
Jessica, I’m in Champaign, Illinois, and I’m thinking about you and Ansley today.
Thinking of you and Ansley today!!! Hugs from Ann in Brevard, NC
Ansley you are missed even by people who never met you.
Jessica you have hit it on the spot. What an inspiration as
Ansley’s momma you are. Love and Light my friend.
Christy
Maxie’s Momma