Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Hugs today and every day from Maryland!
I am sorry for the loss of your precious Ansley. God blessed us with two children and one is a sweet daughter named Ansley, who I would hate to loose. (I would also hate to loose her brother too). I can’t imagine the pain you feel each moment of a day but know she is with God and Jesus, watching and waiting until you are reunited once again. Thank you for sharing your story as it helps us know what to say and do for our friends who have lost children. Prayers for you and your family!
Thinking of you, Jessica, and sending joy in memory of sweet Ansley from Kansas City. Lovingly, Ashlee and her angel baby, Michael Henry
Happy Angel Day Ansley! Your mamma is strong, and keeps you in her heart every day. She loves you more than words can say.
Jessica, your beautiful Ansley knows that you love her more than words can say, and that you keep her very close in your heart. Her angel day was probably the saddest day of your life. I lost my baby brother, who was more like a son to me. I remember the pain and grief like it was yesterday. Time does not heal the wounds, but it does make it a little easier to carry on. My heartfelt prayers and positive thoughts are with you today. From: Staatsburg, NY
Hi Jessica, I’m Sarah from San Diego. Thank you for sharing your story with us and for your valuable words of advice. You sound like a great mommy, and Ansley looks just beautiful in these pictures. I’m shedding a tear (or two…) for you tonight.
So sorry for your loss. Hope you are with all the people you love today. From Long Island, NY
She will always be in your heart, Jessica. From Janice, Birmingham, AL.
Thank you Jessica for standing up and asking your question. Your bravery and message spoke deeply to me. You stood up for so many. You stood up for Ansley. Happy angel birthday Ansley!
Calgary, Alberta Canada
Praying for you on this day as you remember your precious Ansley.
South Georgia
So very sorry for your loss. Beautiful, sweet Ansley and your entire family are in our thoughts + prayers.
Sending love your way.
xo
Hi Jessica. My name is Giovanna. I would like to remember your little angel Ansley today and always. I cannot say that I know exactly how you feel as I have not lost a child of my own but I lost my sweet nephew Jake just over 3 months ago. Happy Angel day to Ansley from Buffalo, NY!
Sending you lots of love Jessica on your sweet Ansley’s Angel Day. <3
From Pittsburgh, PA!
Thinking of you as you remember your precious Ansley today, and every day. May her little life be honoured and remembered, both with tears and with happy memories too. God bless you. Fly high precious Ansley. Michelle. Melbourne, Australia.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Ansley was a beautiful little girl! Prayers for you and your family today from Kaplan, Louisiana.
DEAR Jessica,
WE are praying for you today. WE are grateful to you for teaching us that there is no right thing to say. I will reach out to two dear friends that have lost children today…friends that I have been afraid of hurting, so I have not said anything about their angels in years. Thank you for being brave and sharing your love and your loss when talking about your sweet Ansley.
Much love from GA,
Katherine
Jessica,
I am so so so very sorry for your loss of Ansley. You and your family are in my prayers.
Thinking of sweet Ansley today and thinking of you. This article is important for others to read. I too lost a child and I felt the exact same way. Sending love from Alabama.
Sweet Ansley, you are remembered! Warm thoughts are with you Jessica. Charleston, SC
Dear Ansley’s momma, Ansley is a beautiful name for a beautiful girl! Thank you for sharing your heart! I have tears running down my cheeks and I am thinking of your sweet girl and you today! Love, Julia’s momma!
Dear Jessica,
Sending you light and love on Ansley’s Angel Day.
You will always be her mama.
May this board bring you much peace today.
All love,
xo
Buchanan, NY
Jessica,
You are so loved today. Thank you for sharing your story. Ansley will never be forgotten.
Showing up for you and Ansley today. Hoping our comments can help take a bit of the heavy burden of grief you carry with you always at the loss if your baby girl. With love from Costa Mesa, CA
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl Ansley. I just lost my baby girl Jubilee 2 weeks ago today. She died in my womb at 29 weeks. I am reading “Safe in the Arms of God” by John MacArthur. I highly recommend it.
Praying for you and your family today. I know Ansley is with you comforting you. Lots of love
So much love to you and Ansley and all your family coming all the way from Ithaca, NY. We lost a beloved baby in our community on the day she was born over seven years ago and we still talk about her all the time. Now whenever I think of her I will think of you and Ansley.
Thank you, Jessica and God bless you. Thank you for sharing a little if Ansley with us. God loves you and so do I!
Wendy from Cleveland
Thank you Jessica for being vulnerable and honest. Telling how you feel helps others know how they can be with you. I appreciate what you have shared and will take the time to reach out to those in my life who have experienced the loss of a child like Ansley. She is absolutely adorable and I pray that you hold on to all the positive memories you have of her and never stop believing you are her mom. My prayers are with you and your loved ones. From the Chicago, IL area.
From a town just north of Cincinnati, Ohio, I am holding space for you today, Jessica. May all those who were touched by Ansley’s life be especially loved today.
Hello Jessica from Temple, Texas.
Please know that you & Ansley are in the thoughts, hearts & prayers of many on this Angel Day. We are all holding you in the biggest, warmest embrace that circles the globe & and holds you both dear until the time when you may once again hold your sweet Ansley in your own arms & be reunited by his grace
I’m here in Wilmington, Delaware supporting you on this emotionally difficult day. Though I cannot fully understand the heartache of losing a child I am in depths of grief over my 31-year old “baby” brother who died suddenly in a car accident on June 1st. This story resonates so deeply, why won’t people use his name? It’s “Tim” not “your loss”…. So with that in mind, I will weap tears for Ansley. My favorite saying I’ve found since Tim died is something like, “joy shared is doubled while grief shared is halved.” May the love and support of many wrap you in loving light and know we are all thinking of Ansley.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful Ansley with us Jessica. I am so so sorry that she is not in your arms today, I’m praying that Jesus will give her a special hug from all of us today. I have two little angels in heaven myself and I am looking forward to the day that they will greet me at heavens gates with wide smiles and sticky hugs. Sending you my strength for today and everyday xoxo Kath
Jessica , sending love to you and your family on Ansley’s angel day, all the way from England . Wishing you a day full of love and good memories, xxxx
Hi Jessica, I am sorry for your loss of Ansley but thanks for sharing a small part of her with the world. She was adorable and I hope you two meet again in heaven.
Jessica, I pray for you and your family today as you remember your precious girl Ansley. I so appreciate that you were able to say what a lot of people aren’t able to put into words. With love, from Leigh Ann in North Carolina
Prayers for u and precious Ansley. From one of the many who didn’t know what to say thank u for opening my eyes. Amanda, Cleveland OH
Shine Ansley Shine…Dance Ansley Dance…..Sing Ansley Sing…Laugh Ansley Laugh…Fly Ansley Fly. I believe with all my heart that Ansley is doing these things. Today I remember you Jessica and your family and Ansley. God bless you and comfort you. Praying for all of you!
From Memphis Tn
PS Sorry… forgot to say where this little beam of love is coming from: a little town in southern Maine called Buxton.
Bea
Our thoughts are with you.
From Sydney, Australia
What a beautiful name you gave your beautiful little girl. We remember Ansley.–Clifton, VA
My heart is crying with you Jessica, after reading your story and seeing the pictures of your Angel Ansley and yes, Ansley is your angel, watching over you with love and appreciation for the life you gave her. She smiles with you when you think of her and I just know she loves hearing you talk about her. Her beautiful face is engraved on your heart, her smile, her eyes, her life blessed you and everyone who came to know her. You are truly blessed and she will always be you little girl just in a different place, Jesus needed her more than you. She will wait until you can hold her in your arms again one day. God bless and keep you in the palm of His Hands.
Happy Birthday Ansley, you are a darling Baby Girl!
Jessica, you and Ansley are is my heart and on my mind.
Ansley was-is- will be forever loved! (Ansley)
Sending you love and strength on Ansley’s angel day. What a beautiful girl! Thank you for sharing your story and helping us all remember our impermanence and humanity. From a Madison, WI mama:)
I am sending you prayers. Two years is too short of a time. So much personality and so much life can happen in two years, but Ansley should have had so many, many more.
Keeping space and prayers for you and your angel baby Ansley. Sending love from upstate NY.
Dear Jessica,
Thank you for being so brave and for keeping your heart open to allow us to learn how to love you and others who have lost a child. You and your precious Ansley will be in my prayers and heart. Sending you love from Pennsylvania.
God bless you and your family Jessica. Ansley was a lucky little girl to have such a strong mom, and you will forever have an angel watching over you.
Christina, Woodstock, Georgia
Today someone stopped to mention my son’s name. It brought me tears as I read why when I read this post. Tears for my son Cale who would have turned four two weeks ago but died at birth. Tears for your pain and the loss of a lifetime with your girl. And tears of gratitude for this community and for the people who will stop their world to remember our babies.
Jessica – thank you for sharing these pictures of your sweet girl. I’m so sorry Shes not here with you. She is loved, she is loved, she is loved.
From Savannah, Georgia and all over.
With love,
Cale’s mommy
I know your pain. Missing my son Lincoln every moment of everyday. Remembering your daughter today with you as well. Indiana
The tears come like a waterfall. The day isn’t over, but nearly 1600 people have stopped today to remember you, Shane, Ansley, and Cam. I wish we could reassure all the lonely griever’s hearts out there with 1600 “I remember” or “I am thinking of you” statements. You are so deserving of this lattice of support. I love you always.
I am a nana to an angel and I wanted to add my name that will remember your beautiful angel. Ansley, hopefully you found all the angel children and greeted the new angels. Sending you a nana hug.
Saying a prayer for you and your precious Ansley.
Praying for you and thinking about Ansley today on her Angel date. Much love from Atlanta.
I am so sorry and can not imagine losing one of my babies. You are an incredible mother and I remember Ansley now. Love and hugs and great memories of your baby!
Jen
Atlanta, GA
I am going to add this day in my calendar to remember Ansley and your family every year. God bless.
Remembering you and your little one today. Much love from Minneapolis, MN.
Thinking of you and your angel today, Jessica. I was honored to be there when you showed up at Trinity. You are a warrior for standing up and showing up for all the warrior mommies and their angel babies.
Jessica, I am holding space for you and sending you prayers of love and support from Sacramento, California. I am so deeply sorry that you lost your sweet, beautiful child, Ansley. Life is so cruel and heartbreaking — how that can happy to any parent feels unreal. I will never stop feeling sorry for what you have been through. Please accept my heartfelt condolences, and I pray that you continue to soldier on for the rest of your life, until you are reunited with your precious girl again. Hugs and endless love…
Cammy
Remembering Ansley today. She is not forgotten.
Oh, mama, your little Ansley is so beautiful. What a tiny doll. Her smile just lights up the world. I lost a little one at birth to a genetic disorder. His name is Sammy and we just passed his fifth birthday. I’m the only one who ever says his name, but only rarely because it makes everyone else so sad. I understand the need to hear our little ones’ names, mama, and I’m so glad that for your sweet girl’s birthday you are hearing/reading it here over and over and over. I’m so sorry for your loss, mama. So very sorry. <3
From Indianapolis, Indiana and Miles’ Mama to Ansley’s Mama: I cannot imagine your grief. Sending hugs your way.
Jessica, from a mother who also has experienced loss…you are not alone. Always remember—loves transcends pain, sorrow, tragedy and loss. And you will always be her mother.
Honoring Ansley today. My children and I will include her and your family in our prayers this evening. Wishing you comfort and grace. Lesley, California.
Hi Jessica,
Sending lots of thoughts of love and peace to you today. I’m so sorry Ansley isn’t here with you. Congratulations for keeping on going. xo
Dear Jessica~ I am thinking of you and your beautiful baby girl, Ansley. (New York)
Sending warm thoughts to you from Portland, OR. It is so heartbreaking to hear of your baby Ansley’s passing. She looked like a sweet, happy girl. My heart goes out to you and your family.
My mom lost her son (my brother) 8 years ago. And I know she has felt similarly, that people stop talking about it after the first six months and it seemed like they’d forgotten it happened. The Compassionate Friends organization was helpful to her in the first few years. I remember that someone said that the loss is like losing a leg, you can still get around without it, but you never forget that it’s gone.
Take good care of you:)
Ansley was a loved, lucky girl to have you for her mama. May all the precious happy memories of her sweet smile and happy giggles spike sunshine in the midst of your tears today and every day. I can’t imagine your pain and am so sorry for your loss. Someday your arms will hold her again.
Love from Bellingham, WA.
Taking a moment to honour you and to honour your beautiful, precious Ansley today, Jessica. All the way from Edmonton, Canada. Bless you.
Jessica, I am moved by your words. I, too, have felt the pain of family and friends who don’t know what to say (and so don’t say anything at all) since we lost our daughter, Emily Grace, to stillbirth 11 years ago. It has only been within the past two years that even her grandparents dared speak her name. I wish none of us had to join this sisterhood, but whenever I hear of another mother who has suffered this most devastating loss, I make certain to reach out as so few on the “outside” did for me. Thinking of your sweet little Ansley tonight, mama. So terribly sorry.
Sending cuddles and love to you Jessica all the way from
New Zealand as you remember, honour and mourn your beautiful
Ansley xx
Thinking of your family and Ansley today. Her spirit is strong within you, peace to you. A big hug from Chicago.
Sending Love and Light to you, Ainsley’s Mom, from Melbourne, Australia!
Beautiful Ansley, so sorry for your loss Jessica. I have a dear friend that lost her 16 year old daughter last April and donated her organs. I wish you peace and a smile from sweet Ansley everyday. You will always be her mommy, even when your 85!
Jessica – I am so sorry for the loss of your child and for suffering through it without the support you needed and still need. I hope that this community of women has helped you at the very least not feel alone on such a sad day for you. I know your Ansley will be with you forever in your heart and can only imagine how much you must miss her. I am sending you prayers for peace and healing and that your friends and family will reach out to you and support you. I also send you a virtual hug from where I am in North Potomac, Maryland.
The tears come like a waterfall. The day isn’t over, but nearly 1600 people have stopped today to remember you, Shane, Ansley, and Cam. I wish we could reassure all the lonely griever’s hearts out there with 1600 “I remember” or “I am thinking of you” statements. You are so deserving of this lattice of support. I love you always.
Jessica….Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you today here in Fruitland, Idaho. And also thinking of sweet little Ansley…the pictures of her are precious as I am sure your memories of her are, too. She will always live on in your hearts and you will be with her again someday….XOXOXOXOXOXOXO…
Ansley is in my thoughts today. She aloft such a mark on your heart that you have spread her love to all of us! Thank you! Sending you lave and hugs from the NH Seacoast!
I live in VA, but I am reading Glennon’s post at 1:30 am next day from the North of Spain. I am reaching out because I have an Ainsley, and it’s such a unique name that I feel a connection with families of other Ainsley’s and Ansley’s. Mine is 10, not much older than your sweet girl is in Heaven. I am thinking of you and her on this impossibly difficult day. Wishing you peaceful remembrances of your precious daughter.
Love and prayers for you, Jessica, in remembering your beautiful and special daughter today. Ansley is just beautiful!
With love, Cristyl
Anaheim, California
Thank you for helping me understand what to do for friends in this situation, and how to articulate things if I am in it myself. I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter.
Hello Jessica! I wanted to let you know that I am holding you in my heart today next to a very good friend of mine whose daughter was murdered almost 3 years ago. You both have taught me (and probably many other people) the beauty involved in showing up, with love, to those who have experienced great loss.
You beautiful daughter Ansley looks like she had a mischievous twinkle in her eye and so much love in her soul! I pray that today you can feel her presence and her arms wrapped around you, and feel her whispering “mama, I love you still”. I’m sure she does.
Blessings and strength to you Jessica. With love from outside of Chicago, Illinois.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ansley. There really aren’t any words to take away this pain, but I hope knowing that you’re thought of and surrounded by love today is comforting and enough for this moment. xo
Dear Jessica, I am truly so sorry for your loss of beautiful little Ansley. She and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. God bless.
Shannee Christiansen
Copenhagen, Denmark
Thinking of you and your family and your sweet angel, Ansley. And thanks Jessica for being brave to stand up in front of everyone (friends and strangers) to let us know what’s needed. Big hugs from San Antonio, Texas.
Thinking of your precious girl Ansley today.
From Deanne in Victoria, Australia
Jessica,
My heart breaks for you and me. I like to believe that our angels are together. Ansley is with my Maggie and Violet. They should be here with their mamas and family, but we will never forget them or stop saying their names! Sending love your way.
Sending prayers for peace–to all the parents that need them today. Thank you for this post, G.
I wanted to join in the circle of mamas, nanas, sisters, and friends who are giving thanks for sweet Ansley on her ninth birthday. I wonder what kind of cake she liked and if she dripped ice cream down the front of her shirt. I hope that Jessica feels pride and joy at the special girl that she brought to the world, and I pray that the balance between happy memories and sorrow is leaning toward thankfulness for that precious life. Prayers surround you, Jessica, and all who miss Ansley today. Xoxo
Jessica…
My heart and prayers are with you on this day. Remember Ansley’s beautiful smile, laugh and hugs.. keep her close to your heart.. Wish I could make your pain go away… Lynn from Ontario, Canada
Prayers & thoughts are with you on this Angel day for Ansley
From the shore of Lake Tahoe in Nevada. Holding space for you and everyone else grieving the loss of a child.
May you know that you and Ansley are being thought of and prayed for, that she is not forgotten and never will be forgotten. May peace and joy and strength and laughter and tears and hugs and much love be with you, Jessica.
Gail – from Charlotte, NC
Hugs to you, Jessica, and to your precious sweet girl Ansley. I picture her playing up in heaven and watching over my little twin angels. Unfortunately I know way too many Angel Mamas, which means a lot of hurting hearts down here, and a lot of precious little angels playing together and watching over us from above!
Dear Jessica,
My heart aches for your loss, and the thought of a world without Ansley’s sweet smile. Know that you are in my heart, and the heart of Monkees all around the world. hugs to you Ansley’s momma. Love from Birmingham, Alabama.
Ansley is not forgotten. You soldier on Mama Jessica. Thinking of you and crying with you today in Western Colorado.
So sorry for your loss on this day. I can’t imagine the pain but praying someone close to you offers some comfort. Praying for you and your family today!!!
Crying for you & praying for you, Jessica. Your Ansley is proud of you up in Heaven.
<3 Ansley <3 Remembered and Loved Always Happy Angel Birthday! ((Hugs)) Jessica
So sorry for your loss, and we’ll be thinking of your Ansley in Salisbury, Maryland. This was a great message for me. My niece passed away 9 years ago when she was just 8 months and I still have trouble talking to my family because I never know what to say, even though I think of her daily. Thank you for letting us all share in Ansley’s Angel day!
Thank you Jessica, for sharing a little piece of knowledge with us. So many have no idea what to say or do. So sorry for your loss of little Ansley. Praying for your family!