Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Love and hugs from a fellow angel mama in buffalo ny! Tessie would be 6 mos old yesterday and today is her 6 mo angel day. People have already stopped saying her name! That definitely hurts. I remember Tessie and Ansley today!!
My name is Victoria. My son’s angel day is September 17. I get it. Thinking of Ansley today. Prayers from Belmont, NC.
Ansley is beautiful. You will always be her mother. I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I hope your friends and family can be a bouy of love for you today. Thanks for the reminder to never turn away even if we don’t know the right things to say.
Hugs to you.
Justine, Denver, CO
I don’t have any words. Just an open place in my heart to hold space for you Jessica and for little Ansley, and to carry a bit of that ache for you today. Lots of love to you. ~ Portland, Oregon
Remembering your beautiful daughter today in Nelson, BC, Canada
You and your daughter are on my mind and in my heart. Sending love to my sister as well.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. What a beautiful girl! I am so so sorry- crying with you and sending love.
Love and prayers coming your way today from Ferndale, WA.
Hi Jessica. Sending you the largest hug from London, UK and thinking of your sweet Ansley this evening. You are both SO loved. We honour you and celebrate her life and legacy today. Love, natasha
Ansley. Holding her in my heart. Holding you, Jessica, and your family in my heart here in the upper peninsula of MI.
You have reminded me to send a huge hug to my friend Deb. Deb lost her daughter Sarah two years ago today. Although the years pass, the pain of loss does not.
Jessica, I am thinking of you, your family and Ansley. I hope that today becomes a celebration of remembrance, and that your friends reach out to you, and that you are not alone. Sending you warm fuzzy thoughts from British Columbia, Canada.
Thinking of you Jessica and your beautiful daughter Ansley with so much love. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and you wrap me up too. We lost our first son, Bendicíon, last year. They will never be forgotten by us and the love and longing for them will never go away.
Sending you a huge hug from Iowa. Hope you find much comfort and peace on Ansley’s Angel day!
Thinking of you, Ansley, and another little one, Madisyn. I think of her and her wonderful parents everyday.
Hugs and love to you Jessica, and Ansley, love to you too baby girl!
Thinking of you and Ansley right now. I pray God gives you continued strength to get through each day. -Indianapolis
May you feel the loving arms wrapped around you from all over the world. Just taking the time to say “I care”.
You have reminded me to hug my friend Deb today too. She lost her daughter Sarah two years ago today. Thank you for reminding us that as the years pass, the pain of loss does not.
From Sacramento, California, love and peace to you today, Jessica, and thank you for sharing Ansley’s angel day. God bless you and your sweet girl.
Speaking her name – Ansley. I never understood the power of speaking & hearing a loved one’s name until I lost my daughter. Speaking of them doesn’t remind us that they died, it reminds us that they lived and are loved. Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley.
~ Much love from Vancouver, Canada.
Thinking of you and your Ansley today <3
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. I admire your strength and courage more than I can say. From Davidson, NC
Jessica, I’m thinking today of you and your sweet baby Ansley. Thank you for reminding me to show up for those who matter in my life.
Thinking of you Jessica. You are always and forever Ansley’s mommy. xo
Thinking of you Jessica and your Ansley too. I lost my daughter also. xoxo
What a special little girl Ansley is! You are so blessed! I send love on this special day! Big hugs from burlington Ontario Canada!
Dear Jessica,
Today I am thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley. Looking at her pictures, I could see how happy she was. She must have been the light of your life and it really stinks that she isn’t here on earth where you can see her precious self today. But I can also tell that she glowed with a beautiful inner light. I bet you could feel it when you were with her. That light will never be extinguished. Today I am throwing my mental arms around you and I want you to know that I care! No matter what, you are and will always be Ansley’s mama!
God bless your angel Ansley (and our angel, Emma Grace – from Indiana). It is hard work to love so deeply and to know this loss. I hope you can feel her love today.
Ansley was a beautiful child and I’m sorry for your loss. May God keep you and bless you and your family.
Jessica,
Thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today. Praying & hoping that today is gentle on you, that you feel Ansley’s love for you and that peace settles into your heart.
Love Elizabeth
Australia
Bless you. Light and love.
Happy Ansley Day!
Jasper, Georgia
Thinking of Ansley and all of Ansley’s people today from Colorado.
Bless you, mama, especially on this day. What a beautiful sweet baby you had for a brief time. Ansley can’t wait to see you again in heaven. Stay strong, mama! We are praying for you and all the mamas who lose the most precious gift.
Thinking of you today Jessica and of your beautiful girl, Ansley. I wish you could see her today, how she would be at 9. I believe she is still present in your life, and I hope she showers you with that feeling of her presence, today and every day. Love from Washington, DC.
Dear Jessica, your sweet Ansley matters and the mark she continues to make on your world is precious. Know you are loved, prayed for, and joined by mothers around the country who know your bittersweet remembrance today.
Thinking of you, Jessica, and of your sweet guardian angel in Heaven. Though we have never met, I would have you know that this story touched my heart, my spirit AND my soul. And I’ll not forget that sweet face and name. Ansley…All my love, thoughts and prayers surround you tonight dear one. Know that the Father up above will ALWAYS remember!! And He will ALWAYS hold you both close, until you are together again. Sunshine and Rainbows. ☀️
Jessica, So sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you. I’m from Abilene, Texas and know we are thinking of you on this very special birthday of your angel, Ansley.
My name is Jackie and I’m from Belmont On, Canada. I too would like people to talk about my son Cole more often, like my husband and my daughter do. I understand how you feel exactly. Cole was 18 when he passed away and his biggest worry was being forgotten.
I am thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today.
I hope that each of us will touch your heart and let you know you are loved and your baby girl is loved. From Little Rock, Arkansas.
Holding space for you Jessica. Ansley is not forgotten.
Kelly
Petaluma, CA
Thinking of you and holding you and Ansley tight in my heart today. Thank you for your courage in your question and feelings. It made me reach out to a friend who lost a child and remember her today too. And reflect how to better uplift her.
Sending love to you and Ansley from our family to yours…from Western Mass. Thinking of you and honoring your family’s story.
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dear daughter. Thank you for sharing your understanding, and I’m sending loving-kindness for you and all of Ansley’s family.
Having watched what my parents went through after my brother died, I know some of what you have endured. I am sending up a prayer for you and little Ansley.
You probably already know this poem by Henry Van Dyke, but I will share it just in case, as we always found it comforting:
Gone From Sight
I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, ‘There she goes!
Gone where? Gone from my sight – that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the places of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,‘There she goes! ‘ ,
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
‘Here she comes!’
*********************************
Your daughter is beautiful! I cannot even begin to imagine your pain. Please know that I said a prayer for you and your baby girl. I am certain she is playing and laughing at the feet of Jesus.
Kate from Methuen, MA
Ansley, whisper to your mama today through the wind or the sunshine or a touch or a note. She loves you and her love has helped us to learn about and love you, too. Peace to you, Jessica.
My heart goes out to you today especially. I can only imagine the pain of your loss, I hope today that you are able to remember the good times with your beautiful Ansley. You are in my thoughts
Michele
(Alpharetta, GA)
Dear Ansley’s momma – here’s a hug and a prayer from Pennsylvania. With love, from one momma to another.
Thinking and sending light, love, strength and clarity. Thank you Glennon for sharing this with so many people in the world. Thank you Jessica for speaking up, owning your truth and asking for what you need from all of us. Thank you also, for being part of my voice in that moment that you asked for more. Much love, Justine (www.everupward.org)
Dear Jessica – Thinking of you, your family, and your sweet girl Ansley today. Sending lots of love and prayers from Phoenix, Arizona.
Ansley, from Philadelphia, PA, we’re thinking of you today!
Jessica, I am remembering your precious daughter Ansley with you today. Sending prayers for you from northeastern Connecticut.
Your words are beautiful, your daughter is beautiful, and I love picturing Ansley playing with my little Josiah who is also up in heaven right now. I miss him so much and he’s only been gone 2 months, but reading the above resonates so strongly with me — I hate not talking about him and I hate that no one wants to bring his name up because they don’t want to hurt me. Our babies are most definitely not forgotten. Thinking of you on this special day and may you feel peace. I am dreading April 23 of next year for similar reasons.
Hugs and love for you and precious Andley, I am crying with you today.
Sending much love to you both, Mama Jessica and Baby Ansley, today and everyday.
Bridget (new york city)
Ansely was a beautiful little girl…thinking of you and Ansely today.
Dear Jessica,
I only wish words were enough to soothe the pain I’m sure you are still feeling from Ansley’s death. I offer you a virtual hug, a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to whatever you want to rail at. Be strong. Carry on. And we’ll carry on Ansley’s memory.
Thinking of you, Jessica and your dear Ansley today. I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby girl and hope you know you are not alone in your grief. I pray you feel the love of so many mama’s reaching out to hold you up today. I know you think of Ansley and miss her every minute of every day, so many milestones you will never experience with your girl, but the love you have for each other will not fade and one day you will see her delightful little face again. What a sweet, sweet day that will be! I pray God will send someone to listen and share precious memories with you. Love to you from Alaska
Sharing tears with you. Your Ansley will always be remembered. I will pray that your friends and family will do the tough thing and touch you with her memories. I pray they will not be afraid of opening up, and feeling sadness again. You need them now.
Dearest Jessica,
You and your beautiful Ansley are in my thoughts and prayers. How fortunate she is to have you as her mother. Someone so brave, strong and thoughtful. Thank you for what you said about your daughter and grief and loss, and not forgetting.
Love,
Kate. Reston, Va
Dear Jessica- Sending you love, strength, and peace on this
day as we remember your angel Ansley.
Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today.Michigan
Jessica, we are remembering Ansley here outside of Philadelphia today…my son came over to ask why I was crying after reading G’s post…I showed him Ansley’s pictures and told him about your beautiful daughter…you are in our prayers…thank you for speaking up to all of us and helping us to understand what you and others need. XO
My heart and thoughts go out to you Jessica and to Ansley. She is smiling down on you and your strength to start each day new.
Carla
Winnipeg, Canada
Ansley, beautiful, beautiful Ansley.
Peace to you on this special day and thank you for the lesson to “say something” and to “be there”.
Laura- Louisville, KY
Sending you hugs and prayers for your family. ♥
Thinking of you and Ansley today, Jessica. Lots of love from New York City.
I’m thinking of you today, Jessica. And of your sweet Ansley. I lost our third child, our first baby girl after two boys, in March of 2013. We went to our 20-week anatomy scan and saw a lifeless, far-too-tiny baby on that big screen in front of us. That’s when my world stopped. I don’t think anyone can adequately describe the darkness you’re plunged into when you lose a baby or a child. It’s so all-encompassing.
We just had our “rainbow” on April 27th. He is so happy, when he smiles, you almost think his cheeks might just explode from all the joy he radiates. I hope today you have a rainbow to look at, whatever it may be. A hug from a friend, a note from a loved one, or just a wonderful day.
I will be texting you later, Tricia, because I immediately thought of you while reading this post. Your sweet baby girl is loved and you and your boys are loved.
From the UK. Happy Birthday Ansley. I’m glad to be able to send a message to you and your Mum (Mom!) across the pond. Let us all keep loving xxx
I don’t understand your pain, but did have a close friend lose her son nearly 10 months ago. You have so much strength to continue to put one foot in front of another day in and day out. I’m sure that Ansley is watching down and smiling as she watches everything from above. Praying for continued strength for you, and for what my friend calls “hugs” from above.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and Ansley and sending love from West Chester, Pennsylvania.
Jessica,
I do not know you or Ansley but I know a God Who does and it is in Him that I can say I love you. Dear Father God, please be with Jessica and her family and friends who are remember Your daughter Ansley today. I pray that You will embrace them in love, comfort, encouragement, peace, kindness, and sweet memories today and always. Let them know that today is the beginning of a year of blessings from You. In your name, Amen.
Well, here I am. Lump in throat in public, tears starting to creep out. And I hit “comment” and now don’t have the right words…any words…but I am here. I’m in the twin cities area, Minnesota. And my heart aches for your loss. And my heart leaps for the joys you had first, with your beautiful Ansley. I hope you feel her presence and love. What a beautiful tribute you paid to her when you stood up that day, and showed your courage and asked for what you needed. When you helped those of us struggling find a more clear path for reaching out. For asking everyone to say her name, to honor her, to support you, to honor you, for being an amazing mother, before, now, always and forever. You have shared a great gift with all of us, and I can’t thank you enough. You are not alone. I wish I knew what else to do or say. Love from my heart and soul to your’s and to hers.
Love to Ansley, Jessica, Glennon, and all of you, sisters!!!
Thank you for all the ways you all spread your love and light…
Praying for you in remembrance of beautiful Ansley. I try very hard to not run from others pain and suffering but be with them in it. It is not easy but I feel the Lord prompting me to be a comforter. How would I feel if others were afraid or uncomfortable to be with me in a time of need? Be encouraged in reading all these messages and in knowing that God always walks through the suffering with us and one day all our tears will be dried by Him. From Arlington Heights Illinois.
Thinking of you today on Ansley’s Angel Day, prayers for love and peace
Jessica,
Your sweet Ansley is so beautiful and precious! I am so happy that she was brought into your life and so sad that she left too soon. She has changed you forever to be sure. I am so glad you pointed out what parents need when they lose a child. We don’t know because we haven’t been there and it is very helpful to hear what (not) to do and say. I hope that the comments and this blog post bring you a teeny tiny bit of solace today.
Praying for you in remembrance of beautiful Ansley. I try very hard to not run from others pain and suffering but be with them in it. It is not easy but I feel the Lord prompting me to be a comforter. How would I feel if others were afraid or uncomfortable to be with me in a time of need? Be encouraged in reading all these messages and in knowing that God always walks through the suffering with us and one day all our tears will be dried by Him.
There are no words for your loss, Jessica, but there is love. Love and quiet and prayer and hope and healing. May fond memories of Ansley help lift your heart.
-Michelle in Kansas City.
Jessica, my heart feels your loss, and I’m grieving with you today. All my love from Nebraska.
Thinking of you and Ansley here in California.
Sending many hugs your way in honor of your precious baby Ansley from Alabama!!
She is a beautiful girl! My thoughts and tears are with you today! Thank you for the lesson.
Jessica,
Thank you. Thank you for your courage. Thank you for the invitation into your deep loss in your story. Remembering your sweet lil lady today…
with you.
Much grace.
Chele
Jessica, please know that this mom here in Virginia is thinking of you and your precious Ansley. Love, prayers and hugs are coming your way. With love,
Molly
jessica,
love to you and your precious daughter today and every day.
your story has touched me so much. you see, i have a son, luke, who is 2 1/2 years old and has a terminal illness. your words to glennon ring so true to me because although my son has not yet passed on, i have lost some very dear friends who have just seemed to fallen away from us over the past two years. it has remained one of the hardest things about this whole awful process. i just don’t get it and it hurts so bad. i think people think that by just ignoring your awful circumstance, it’ll make you feel better when in fact, it is so very isolating and hurtful. my heart aches for you and for all of us who have to live this kind of fate.
may God bless your sweet precious girl and may God bless you.
hugs, erin from chicago
Dear Jessica, I’m in my car in Franklin, TN, waiting to pick up my 9 year old son. I am thinking of you and Ansley.
Love,
Jenny
Hi Jessica, and Happy Birthday to your darling angel Ansley. No one knows what to say, and no one knows how to handle this. But sometimes a smile, and a hi, a hug or an ordinary chat is all that is needed, and sometimes, full on tears are the only things that will do. No one can say anything to take away the pain, but little things help make the pan bearable. Knowing there is at least one person, who can be there, and be normal with you, is the best thing we can hope for, as sadly, although we do not want it too, the world still turns.
I have a friend who very recently lost her baby daughter. My mum lost her baby daughter too, my sister, her name was Beccy, it is the hardest thing in the world to go through, and I hold a part of my heart open to this little children.
God bless, with love to you on this poignant day. You will ALWAYS carry an Ansley shaped scar in your heart, every where you go. So there is no danger for you to forget the angels.
Love to you, and best wishes for the future. XXXXxxxxxxx
Happy Birthday Ansley <3 you are missed so much and loved so much by your momma and your family… thinking of you Jessica and holding you in my heart and sending big big love xxx
jess from Wales, UK
Jessica, I am thinking of you and your forever beautiful Ansley. Love cannot die. Breathe in her wholeness. My heart knows this, too.
This was perfect today. My sweet mother-in-law was killed exactly one year ago today. She loved kids (especially her grandkids) more than anything in the world, and I can’t think of a better way to remember her than to also remember sweet Ansley. Holding space in my heart for both of them and all those who love and miss them today. With love from Indiana.
Jessica- I wish I could hug you and grant you a wish to make all the pain go away. Just know that I am thinking of you and sending you love.
-Rachel, Connecticut
My love and arms go out to you, Jessica, and your sweet little Ansley. Thinking of you here in Fort Worth, TX.
xoxo Cheyenne
Sending you love today, and love to Ansley. And love to my friends Lisa and John and their baby Leo. And love to my friend Karen and her son Jacob.
Dear Jessica,
I am sending love and hugs to you today and in the coming days! I pray that your beautiful memories of Ansley will somehow give you a sense of peace. Blessings, Carol (Carmel, Indiana)
Sending live and light to Ansley and her family from the Fox River area outside of Chicago.
Praying God will continue to give you strength and peace to journey through this life until you meet Ansley again. Thank you for having the courage to speak about what you need to heal and fight another day.
I do understand your pain because I too lost my precious daughter and my world changed forever on August 17, 2005. BUT, this day is not about me- it’s about you and your world and your loss. Although we have a common bond we never wanted to have. Your daughter is not forgotten – and by the way neither are you. I just hope that all your family and friends will speak up and speak loudly about that wonderful child so you know she is not forgotten. I am in a very similar situation but we both know that the mother who gave birth to them, loved them no matter what, held them when they cried, took care of them when they were sick and most importantly enjoyed every smile – will never ever forget them. My best to you in this lifetime because you cannot reconcile this in a lifetime. Jamie