Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Lifting you up right now as I, too, lost a son and know the heartache that continues always…blessings to you in your journey of grief and life.
Karen, Tennessee
Hi Jessica, I am thinking of you today and your lovely Ansley. What a beautiful girl! When I have a glass of wine while cooking dinner, I will toast to you and to Ansley’s beautiful life. I’m sure you guys will also be my last thought before I close my eyes tonight. Sending a massive, warm hug from Charlotte, NC! ~ Audrey
Dear Jessica! Happy birthday Ansley! I’m from Alaska and yesterday honored the four month mark of our baby girl Isabel Ann being silently born. I feel your pain and want you to know we are not alone in our grief! Saying a prayer of strength and comfort for your family! Big hugs!
Still Standing,
Kala
Jessica, I am thinking of you now and your precious baby girl. I lost my own daughter Catherine three years ago on April 1. You will always be her mom. <3 Sending much love, Ellen in Virginia
Jessica, I was there in Atlanta when you spoke up. You are so brave and your loss is huge. I am so sorry. I will hold some of that pain for you. I can take it. I am so sorry that you had to say goodbye to that beautiful little girl.Happy Birthday, Ansley! Much love, Sara
Thoughts and prayers are with you and Ansley today. I lost my daughter, Mallory, 27years ago and I know how important it is to me that others love and remember her.
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley today.
Ansley – A big hug to you and your Mother on this glorious day!!! The sun is shining bright in Rock Hill, SC and I know it is because of you and your great big smile!! Lots of love from me to Ansley and Jessica!!
Holding space for you today momma. Your baby girl Ainsley is very beautiful. My heart aches for you and your loss.
I love that sweet little Ansley. My daughter Rebecca has the same “birthday girl” t-shirt, but does not quite rock it the way Ansley did. I love your girl’s bright shining eyes and gorgeous fluffy hair. She is hanging out in the afterlife with my dear niece Nora – showing her the ropes while they both love us from afar. Jessica, thinking about you and loving you today.
Dearest Jessica,
My heart grieves for you today and i remember your sweet Ansley with you. I know you miss her so much and i pray that your story helps the others that have felt this loss and this loneliness.
Hugs to you from Hernando, MS.
Becky
I celebrate the life of your Ansley today. I celebrate the life of Ansley’s precious, brave, strong, loving mom too. MaggieGrace is my angel – a baby I was never to hold, yet the one who gave me a life to call beautiful still. May you feel Ansley’s tiny hand brush the surface of your heart today and every day.
I’m praying for your strength to make it through each day without your precious miracle Ansley. May God wrap his arms around you and comfort you through your times of grief and sadness. Love from San Antonio Texas. ♡
Dearest Jessica – Wishing you all the love in the world today, and every day, from Arlington, VA. Thinking of your beautiful Angel Ansley, and all the other Angels who left us too soon, but who protect and watch over us day and night. Thank you for sharing your story, your frustration, your sadness, and, most importantly, your Ansley with us. May her little light shine bright in your memories of her.
Jessica, my heart breaks for you from one mama to another. Your Ansley was such a treasure and I hope you can feel joy in your memories. Hugs from GA!
Dear Jessica,
I love this reminder to not be cowards in the face of a friend’s grief. I am here thinking of your angel baby, and loving her beautiful name, Ansley, and gorgeous face. And I’m also remembering my friend who lost a son, Jordan, 15 years ago this month, who profoundly says “Yes, God is with us, but sometimes we need friends with skin on to be there with us too.”
Thinking of you Ansley – hope you meet Jordan in Heaven.
love from California
Such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Ansley. You should hear it and speak it every day. Soaking up just a tiny bit of your pain and sending heaps of love to help your forever broken heart. I’m sorry, so sorry.
Thank you for the encouragement to reach out to a mother who recently lost her teen daughter to cancer. She said that her greatest fear is that her daughter will be forgotten and appreciated my words. They have bravely and very vocally asked everyone to please not be afraid to say their daughter’s name, Kayla, to keep sharing memories of her, and to keep supporting them with prayer, cards, messages, and visits.
Love and light to you and Ansley today from Virginia.
Your story reminds us to talk to our friends and family about their lost loved ones.
Jessica, I just wanted to take a moment and let you know that I am thinking of you and Ansley. I am praying for God’s blessings and comfort on you today! You are loved and sweet Ansley is not forgotten, I hope she is up dancing with my three angel babies! Hugs and prayers from Wyoming !!!
Thinking of Ansley and your entire family. Sending hugs from Charlotte, NC
Jessica,
I pray you feel your Angel’s warmth and presence every day. I believe she is with you still and that this pain is only temporary. You will be reunited in his presence one day. She is beautiful. You, and your family, will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Jessica, sending you and your precious Ansley much love today from TN. You are not alone dear friend. (Bethany, Bethany, Bethany….my daughter)
Hi Jessica,
We’re sending prayers for you and your beautiful Ansley today. I love those pictures. We lost our baby boy George three years ago next month. He was 10 1/2 months old when he died. We miss him, like you miss Ansley, but I like to think of them all sliding on rainbows and riding rain-drops. I’m glad to know about another friend he has in heaven.
A friend of mine sent this poem to me. I thought you might like it:
The mention of my child’s name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of her name.
It soothes my broken heart,
And sings to my soul.
Lots of love – Alison in Orinda, CA
Thinking of your sweet angel Ansley today, Jessica. Today is my son Ronan’s Angel Anniversary as well. Wishing you peace and a day filled with love. xoxo
Jessica,
My heart is so full of love for you and your sweet Ansley. I want you to know that I am praying for you today and am sending you love. I believe that our angels are walking among us, holding our hands, lifting us up and looking out for us. Your Ansley is looking in on you and loving you. all our love, Karen from Utah
Love the pictures of your beautiful Ansley! Love and hugs to you and your family from Amelia Island, FL. Thanks for the gentle reminder to reach out to someone that is hurting. In honor of Ansley I will make the effort to be present and love a friend that needs it! Love, Liz
What a precious girl. Jessica’s Ansley is in my heart. In Katy, TX. Along with Grace Von Achen-my friend’s baby girl who has passed.
Praying for peace and that you are remembering your sweet Ansley today with those you love. God is giving your sweet angel and extra strong hug today. Sending love and strength to you from Christiansburg, VA.
Jessica, Thinking of you and your sweet child, Ansley, today. May God bless you and all of us grieving parents.
Jessica,
Thinking of you and your sweet daughter Ansley. I was at Trinity when you shared your story. It was very powerful. Thanks for sharing! with love from Atlanta, GA
Prayers for you Warrior Momma Jessica. And taking time to stop and praise God for Ansley. You are not alone. Their are other warriors out here like yourself that fight back the tears of our lost babies each and every day and carry on and be brave for others. This is your day. Hold those memories close and rejoice in knowing you WILL see you Angel baby again one day.
Erika.Near Destin, FL
May you find peace and strength on this day and always. We are thinking of Ansley and all of the other angels that we lost too early.
Sending HOPE From Durant, Iowa
Holding space in my heart for all that suffer from this extraordinary loss. Love wins
Thinking about you and your daughter today in southern California.
My son is 9 months old today and I can not imagine the loss you are feeling. Ansley is so beautiful. I will be thinking about you, your strength, and Ansley’s big sweet eyes as I kiss my little one tonight. Peace and hugs from Michigan.
Jessica, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Ansley. I have not personally lost a child and do not know your grief, but back in 2005 my sister lost her daughter Sadie at 9 months and 1 day old. I have grieved as much as an aunt possibly could, and my heart has broken over and over again for my sister and our whole family. Please know that there are many out here who stop and grieve deeply whenever we hear of anyone losing a child. I am praying for you today.
Love,
Kimberly
Aunt to Sadie (April 24, 2004 – January 25, 2005)
From Greensboro, GA. Of course I forgot to say that. 🙂
To Jessica x
Sending you lots of Love on this special day. Thinking of your beautiful daughter Ansley x Happy Birthday Ansley x x x
Hugs to you, Jessica. Your daughter, Ansley, is and was beautiful. I can’t imagine your pain, but I offer my hugs from afar.
Dear Ansley’s Mom, Jessica
Thank you for standing up and saying out loud what so many of us bereaved parents think and feel. My heart and thoughts are with you and your beautiful daughter today on her Angelversary. You are not alone! From one bereaved parent to another.
From “Alex’s Mom”, Trish
Halifax NS Canada
What a sweet girl is pictured in your photos! Your loss of Ansley is unimaginable. Sending warmth and a hug from Tennessee.
Love and prayers from Georgia. Thank you for sharing the story of your precious Angel Ansley.
Happy Angel day, Ansley! And Jessica thank you for sharing your reality, this is such a reminder that grief is to be shared not feared. From Austin TX; with love.
THANK YOU Ansley’s mom. Ansley will forever be in our heart. XOXOXO
For Ansley and Ansley’s mama, Jessica.
You, both if you, are not forgotten. Neither is your grief nor your joy.
May you know you are wrapped in arms of love and care.
May you find comfort in your sorrow and pain as you remember the beauty of your tiny daughter.
May you remember the joy of the time you had with Ansley – all your time from the moment of conception on.
May you feel the comfort of hearing we remember with you!
Blessings, Sweet Mama, on this very difficult day.
Thinking of you & your sweet Angel today. Thank you for the opportunity to carry a bit of the load.
My daughter will turn 9 in just a few weeks; I cannot even imagine the immensity of grief and anger and loss if she had died. Ansley’s life and your love for each other makes everyone more aware of how wonderful it is to love and be loved by a child. That is something that you can never lose.
My daughter, reading over my shoulder, hugs and kisses me – and sends you hugs and kisses as well.
peace
Jessica,
I went fishing today and saw the most beautiful butterfly. When I got home I read this and instantly that butterfly and Ansley were one. So peaceful and carefree. May your heart be filled with the joy of the days you spent with your love. Love to you and yours from California.
Praying that the memories you have are reminders of the wonderful time you had with Ansley and give you strength to get through the day. Prayers and hugs from Ohio
thinking of you today, Jessica, and your sweet girl, Ansley.
much love from Massachusetts
Sending love, light and prayers your way as you remember your sweet baby girl Ansley. I cannot imagine your grief, but please know that she will never ever be forgotten.
Mary Beth, Falls Church, VA
Sending you lots of love Jessica!! Smiles and giggles from baby Deryk to baby Ansley!
My babies Angel day was Saturday! Only two people sent me a TEXT!! Very hurtful!
Amanda – I’m so sorry – for your loss and for you hurt on your baby’s angel day. Saying prayers for both of you today. Love and prayers from KC.
I wish you joyful memories of your beautiful Ansley today and always. You are in this mama’s thoughts and prayers.
Shannon in Somerville, Alabama
Dear Jessica, I am praying that you will feel the love of a million mammas right now. I am so sorry about the loss of your perfect Ansley. May you feel the comfort of our loving Father. My heart aches for you from Poquoson Virginia.
Thinking of you today in Colorado. Thanks for the insight on how to respond in situations like this. You are still Ansley’s mama and will always be her mama.
Jessica,
Prayers and love to you and Ansley on her Angel Day from Philadelphia, PA.
“Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Earl Grollman
Remembering your daughter Ansley today, on her Heavenly Birthday and praying for peace in your heart and mind, dear Jessica.
Love,
Charlie’s Momma
Becky (MN, where my heart lies, but now in HI, where I am working on healing my heart.)
08-03-2009 – 05-23-2011
Thinking of your courage, Jessica, to get up and keep moving. When it feels like everything should stop. Your Ansley is beautiful. Your heart is beautiful.
So sorry for the loss of your beautiful little Ansley. I’m showing up, with not a lot of words, but a heavy heart from central MN. Holding some space and peace for you today, Jessica.
I am so sorry for your loss. Ansley would have been 9 today and I can barely fathom what it feels like to miss her at your side on this day. I hope you are surrounded by family and friends for support on this day.
Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter today:)
Thinking of you today Jessica and your sweet daughter Ansley. You are not alone. Thanks for reminding us all how important it is to “Just show up” Praying that today will be special for you an your family and that you will know Ansley is not forgotten.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and Ainsley today! She will always be in your heart… How blessed you are that God chose you to take care of her for Him during her stay on Earth… Thank you for having the courage to speak out and ask for help… Thank you for including all women to share your pains and joys…
Tracy Russo
Abbeville, LA
Dear Jessica, Sending love and prayers in remembrance of Ansley from Crocker, MO
So much love to Warrior Mamma Jessica and all those braveheart mammas who have bid adieu to their babies. Ansley is well remembered and honored by the Mamma world today…..until we meet again.
Hugs in heartbreak,
Amelia,
Chennai, India
Jessica, glad a took a moment to read this today. Thank you for your courage to say what you need and educate other women in the process. I am better for it. Bless you today, and your sweet Ansley. What a precious and beautiful girl! Hugs from Austin, TX
Dear Jessica, I just kissed my twin daughters, and prayed grace for you as you remember the glory of Ansley today. Love from Taylors Falls, MN.
I am thinking of you today, Jessica. In memory of your beloved Ansley.
Thinking of you and Ansley in Boise Idaho. Hugs to you and so much comfort.
My heart aches for you and your family. Your angel Ansley is not forgotten, and you are not alone.
Sending you love from Winona, MN.
Jessica – Sending you love and strength from Washington DC as you remember your beautiful Ansley.
Sending prayers and a wish for a moment of peace today as you remember your beautiful child.
Thoughts and prayers to your family today from Issaquah, WA. Ansley is beautiful.
Prayers from San Francisco
Dear Jessica,
I am thinking of you and your loved ones on Ansley’s Angel Day. I can not imagine your pain and the emptiness you must feel to have lost Ansley. I am certain that her life brought you so much joy and happiness. May Ansley’s memory always be a blessing.
Thinking of your beautiful Ansley today, Jessica. Love from Brisbane, Australia xo
May you find peace in your memories today…thank you for sharing your story. You little girl is a blessing.
Thinking of your sweet angel and praying for you today.
My heart aches for you, Jessica. I’m thinking of you and your sweet angel, Ansley. She will never be forgotten.
Kristen
(Georgia)
My heart is heavy here in Wellington, New Zealand. Thinking of you and your Ansley and hugging my boys just a little longer today.
Jessica – I so admire your bravery in sharing your story and asking for what you need. Your Ansley was beautiful. Thank you for sharing her with us. With loving thoughts from Spokane, WA.
Love to you on Ansley’s Angel Day.
Jessica, you, Ansley and your family are in my prayers. What a sweet baby girl. My heart is broken for you today. I showed her picture to my girls and said, “This is Ansley.” My 4 year old said, “She looks nice!” We’ll pray for her and for you at bedtime tonight. May this giant world-stopping blog post bring you just a little bit of peace.
~Rachael in Kentucky
Love and hugs to you from Nebaska on Ansley’s Angel Day!
Wishing I could envelop you in the hug and love of another mother. I pray for you and your family, and I know in my heart you will always be Ansley’s mother and will see her again. Thank you for reminding us how to be a better friend. Love, Renee from Oahu, Hawaii.
thinking of you and thinking of your sweet little girl. So so sorry for your loss.
Blessings and prayers for you, Jessica, mother of Ansley, and for your family. Ansley is beautiful! Special prayers also for the other mothers I know whose babies are now angels. Love and care from Highlands Ranch, Colorado.
I’m thinking of your Ansley today..
Kelly ( New York)
May you see and feel all of Ainsley’s
Love for you today and every day! Hugs from Switzerland.
Love for you and Ansley today and always, Jessica. Seattle, WA wraps a big arm around you! xoxo
What a beautiful and precious girl! I hope you can still hear Ansley’s laugh and see her smile when you close your eyes. I imagine she always did a lot of laughing. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a child, but I do know I admire you for being brave and strong enough to ask people to SHOW UP. Much love to you and your family from Kansas. Angie
Thinking of you today and beautiful baby girl!
Remembering you and Ansley in prayer. Love from Apex, NC.
Jessica, sending love and hugs to you from London, KY, on Ansley’s Angel day. To me, this is the hardest of days. Even though, we miss them everyday, the angel day is the worst for me. Ansley is a gorgeous little girl, and I am so sorry for your loss. I too, have an angel in heaven. My son, Justin, left us 1 week before his 21st birthday and is now 27. I thank you for helping others to realize they aren’t reminding us of anything, it never leaves our minds, Please….. just remember our children!! Bless you, Jessica!
I don’t get here every day, but I know the Lord was leading me here today. I have more than one friend who has lost a child. I think of them often and use their baby’s names. I hope that your loved ones, and the loved ones of many, can grow and love from your act of bravery, from telling us what you need. Happy Angel-versary for sweet baby Ansley. I am lifting you in prayer today.
Hugs, from Colorado
What a beautiful little girl! Love and prayers to you and your family from Louisville, Ky
Dear Jessica,
I am sitting with you in your heartbreak for a moment. My own child is two now, and I can’t imagine losing her. I will hold you and Ansley in my heart today. I am so sorry for your loss.
Jené
Sending love and prayers to your family, Jessica.
Brianne in El Segundo, CA
Remembering is holy work. Thinking of you today, Jessica, and joining you in remembering your sweet Ansley. Peace and blessings from Chicago.
Sending prayers and thinking of you and Ansley today in Dallas Texas
“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief us not a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It’s the price of love. ”
Prayers for you today Jessica. Happy Angel Day sweet Ansley xxoo
Terri (South Carolina)
Thank you for sharing this quote, Terri. Validating and comforting.
Jessica… The first thing that struck me about the picture of your daughter was her big soulful eyes. Her picture made me smile through my tears for your heartache. I have thought about you and Ansley many times today. Love to you from Ohio.