Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Thinking of you on this day. What a special child and mother. Lisa from Mobile, AL
You are not alone- all of us here grieve with you. Ansley is with you everyday; thank you for sharing her story so that she may be with all of us starting today.
Jessica,
You’re a great mama to Ansley. All the time, no matter if she’s in human form or angel form.
Thinking of you and all the mamas.
Dennise
Fort Worth, TX
In honor of Ansley I will kiss my children, hug them tighter and remind them how very much they are loved and how lucky we are to have each other. Sending healing thoughts your way from Kansas City, MO.
Stopping now to take a moment to honor her, you and everyone who knew her then and know her now. May the light in her spirit give you peace.
Happy Birthday and Angel Day!!! As you can see from these posts the world has been made better because you were in it! Thank you for that blessing. Sending up prayers and love! God Bless, Cherie -Franklin, TN
Thank you for sharing your pain and allowing us the grace to share in it. I’ll be praying for your heart to mend. You are not alone.
Just feeling everything for you or with you. LOVE from Kansas
Jessica – as another Mom whose daughter is in heaven, I just want you to know I’m thinking of you and Ansley today.
Twenty-seven years ago, our daughter Casey was stillborn, after the birth of our two sons. Last year our younger son called us to tell us he was engaged to a girl named Kassey (spelled differently, but pronounced the same). My husband made the most poignant statement when he said, “It will feel so good to be able to pray for Matt, Scott, and Kassey (Casey) again.” It was like the circle was complete. Thankfully-we’ve also added another daughter-in-law and 2 grandsons to that daily prayer.
Thank you for saying what needed to be said.
Casey, Casey, Casey.
Love, G
Jessica, what a brave Mom you were to get up and share your story. I am honored not only to say Ansley’s name aloud as I type this note to you today, but to contact my friend Suzanne and say her Gabriella’s name aloud today too.
Ansley was precious and beautiful and I know your arms will always ache to hold her and wish to have seen how she developed and grew.
I know what it feels like to mark the years that pass, to see others children grow and recognize the “mine would have been” moments that are brutiful on the heart.
Sending hugs today from my heart to yours.
From Ooltewah, TN
Prayers for you, your family and Ansley. I am so sorry for your loss.
Lots of love for you and Ansley from Nashville, TN.
I blow a kiss to your sweet little Ansley and send much love to her en her loving family. I am sure many people remember and love her still very very much, such precious little girl.
“Look in the mirror, she lives in you.”
From a mother who also knows the pain of missing her child,
Much love from Belgium, Europe.
Thank you Jessica and sweet Ansley! What a beautiful girl you have. I lost a nephew to SIDS 17 years ago. We don’t talk about Jared much but since I had kids I think about him more and more. I miss him. I’m scared to say that to my brother who is Jared’s dad because we don’t get sappy in our family, but I will think of Ansley today and talk to my brother this week and remember Jared more openly.
Jared, Jared, Jared.
Love, G
You and your family and your precious Ansley are in my thoughts and prayers today. Thank you for giving me the courage to reach out to others who need my support. May you continue to feel the support and love of the world today and each day forward.
Leslie (Virginia)
Jessica,
Love to you and your family on this Angel Day for precious Ansley. I pray you feel wrapped in love by all of us who remember and especially that you feel close to God and close to Ansley.
From Tyler, Texas
Thinking of you and your beautiful Ansley today from Manhattan Beach, CA.
Remembering your precious Ansley with you today Jessica. I will continue to remember each year as my Noah’s angel day is June 14.
This is one of ny favorites.
The mention of my child’s name May bring tears to my eyes, But it never fails to bring Music to my ears. If you are really my friend, Let me hear the beautiful music of his name.
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.
Noah, Noah, Noah.
Love, G
Jessica, I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and your precious Ansley today. I am a fellow loss momma. I lost one of my twins to prematurity. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Blake. Please know that you are not alone. Lots of hugs and prayers of peace on this angel day.
Blake, Blake, Blake.
Love,G
Sending love from Eugene, Oregon.
She’s so beautiful. I will be more loving and more kind today because of you and that little girl.
Thinking of you and Ansley today, Jessica. Thank you for sharing her with us. She will never be forgotten.
~Jenn
New Orleans, LA
Jessica – sending you love and light on this difficult day. May you feel Ansley’s presence and peace surround you today! Carly (Minnesota)
Ansley’s life matters. We remember and honor her life. Prayers from Nashville, Tennessee.
Jessica, so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the pain in your heart. May the memories of your sweet Ansley bring you comfort. Thank you Jessica for asking the question. Your answer will help all of us. Sending prayers from Marion, Ohio.
Ansley is loved and special and so very lucky that she has you for a mama. Big hug from Atlanta, GA
Sending love and thoughts to you and your lovely angel. You are not alone. <3
Malin from Lund, Sweden
Ansley is beautiful–you must miss her so much. I am so sorry that you no longer have her here to hug and love. Thank you for being so brave and for sharing her with us and teaching us how to do better as friends. I pray your heart will be filled today. Love, Jeannine (Palm Springs, CA)
Jessica, your sweet beautiful Ansley is being remembered today and you are being lifted up in prayer :0) With love from a mama who has been there-Alice from Emory, Texas
Love to you, Alice.
G
Best wishes and all the care and comfort in the arms and hearts of those around you today and everyday to come. Deepest condolences for your loss and continued daily struggles. Much love and respect to you and Ansley both for fighting yesterday, today, and everyday. Prayers and thoughts from Ashburn, Virginia.
Jessica, Ansley is shining down on you and her whole family, whispering on the breeze how much she loves you all. As the sun warms your skin on this summer day, feel the warmth of her hugs from heaven. Prayers and hugs from Chatsworth, CA
Sending tons of love and light to you today from Portland, Oregon, dear Jessica, radiant mama of Ansley who left this world far too soon.
sending hugs and thinking of you
Sending a note to stop the world… For the love you have in your heart for your sweet Ansley! Losing a child is the unimaginable … unknown… please know we are thinking of you as you celebrate your child’s birthday! May those that have read the story and leaving comments give you a sense of love and support for those that may not even know you. Blessings to you and your family! Katie, Hudson, WI
Sending you hugs from Hillsborough NC in celebration of Ansley!
Hugs from Dallas, TX… I imagine that your sweet little girl Ansley is sitting on Jesus’ lap today celebrating her Angel Day! God’s blessings and peace to you!
Ansley… What a beautiful name and beautiful child! I am thinking of you today in Kennett Square, PA.
Prayers and blessings for you, Jessica, and your daughter, Ansley, on this day and every day.
I was led to this page by the FB feed of my friend, Sara; prayers and blessings for her and her daughter, Lucy, too.
P.S. From Austin, TX
Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.
G
Smiling today as I wonder if your sweet angel Ansley is helping our angel friend Gus celebrate his 6th birthday. I know the two of them are showing Max (3) around after he joined them last week. Hugs to you, Jessica!
Gus, Gus, Gus.
Max, Max, Max.
G
Love to you. Thinking of you and your daughter Ansley in Portland, OR
Jessica, your message about the loss of precious Ansley has been shared on my facebook page. May God bless you this and every day. Your daughter is not forgotten, nor are you.
I’m thinking of Ansley today and of Andrew Mitchell and of baby Caroline and of my friend Barbara’s twins and of Ryan Stokes and all their beautiful and strong mamas.
Andrew and Caroline and the twins and Ryan.
Love, G
Praying for you and your sweet baby girl!
Jennifer
Cincinnati, OH
Jessica –
My heart feels your loss today. Offering prayers for you and Ansley. I can see the light in her eyes – it must have been blinding in person. from Louisville, KY
Jessica, I’m thinking of you and sending love and light your way today. Thank you for introducing Ansley to us – she is beautiful. xo, Caroline (northwestern Alabama)
Thank you for sharing these pictures of your beautiful little Ansley! I, too, know the pain of losing a child. Be gentle with yourself today. Peace be with you today from West Virginia!
Bless you Linda.
Love, G
Blessings to you on Ansley’s Angel Day. Gone but never forgotten. Much love from Arvada, Colorado.
Jessica, thank you for letting G share your hurt and your beautiful Ansley with us. We are better because of it. Blessings to you as you remember your daughter today and each day. Lindsay-Raleigh, NC
Thinking about Ansley dancing with Jesus today…. and praying for her brave mama carrying on through the pain with hope & fierce love. May you be carried on angel’s wings today, knowing that we SEE you. ~ Amy in Washington
Thinking of YOU today Ansley’s Mama. Thinking of you with tears in my eyes because I am a Mama too. Your girl is precious and I’m so sorry for your pain, but I’m praying that someone who knows you will remember her with you today. I’m here in Florida thinking of you and your precious daughter.
Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. Prayers are with you today and everyday!! Praying you are filled with peace today and all the sweet memories of Ansley of her “birth” day and days here are on earth. Prayers of faith knowing you will be reunited with your sweet baby girl Ansley.
Jessica –
Thinking of you today and your beautiful baby girl, Ansley. She will never be forgotten. She is being cared for up in heaven. Jesus is rocking her to sleep each night until you get there and can once again rock your baby girl. Sending you a hug from Minnesota.
Jessica, I am a dad. As a father of a ten year old daughter I can’t imagine the loss that you have felt. You can be certain that I will pray for you and your beautiful daughter Ansley today. On Sunday mornings in our church we pray for those who are sick or are in need and we pray for those in our heart silently. I always pray for the parents of children who passed. You can be sure that this Sunday I will be specific and my prayer will be for you and your daughter. I am from Alexandria Virginia
Your story took me out of my mundane Monday blues. Sending strength, love and peace to you and your family from our family in Brooklyn, NY. God bless Ansley.
Jessica,
I’m a mother of two girls and I just read this article about you and your sweet, beautiful daughter Ansley. I sit here at my kitchen table this afternoon in McKinney, Texas, and I’m shedding tears for you and thinking of you today as I know you’re remembering and missing your sweet angel Ansley. I am going to hug my girls extra tight today and remember your beautiful daughter. Ansley.
Much Love,
Wendy C.
I lost a three week old baby boy years ago. No one ever remembers but me. I feel your pain!
Bless you and your boy, Janet.
Remembering with you.
Love, G
Thinking of your sweet, beautiful girl Ansley today in Kansas and praying for peace and comfort and hope for you and your family.
oh how I now this feeling my son Travis would’ve been 27 tomorrow and his angel day is 11/18/87. you are right no one in my family hardly talks of him but you are right. I always feel so alone on those days.
Travis, Travis, Travis.
Love, G
You are still Ansley’s mother, and her life still matters. I am thinking of her today.
Dear Jessica,
Your Ansley is beautiful – her eyes are so soulful and sweet. I am so sorry that she’s no longer on this earth. Thank you for your story – love from London, England.
Prayers and love for you and your angel Ansley. Hugs from Richmond, Virginia
Ansley is beautiful and so are you Jessica!! Thank you for sharing her with us. Love and prayers from Minnesota
Precious Ansley. Precious Life. Precious Grief. Precious Memories. Our hearts are big enough to hold you and all precious beings forever.
Jessica, I’m so happy that you are being showered in love here today. When you asked Glennon what she would say to people about the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child, you spoke the question and pain of so many of us. Thank you!
Jessica, thank you for the reminder to all of us. Your precious, sweet angel Ansley will never be forgotten. Sending hugs from Houston, Texas.
Dear Jessica,
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your dear Ansley. What a beautiful child! My hope and prayer for you today is for peace and comfort on Ansley’s Angel Day or “Angelversary.” She will never be forgotten.
Angela in Minneapolis, MN
Mother of Charlotte (2006-2011)
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte.
Love, G
May the memories of Ansley’s laughter sprinkle through your tears today, Jessica. With much love, from Pittsburgh, PA
Thinking of you and your beautiful daughter, Ansley. Sending much love and many prayers from Maryland.
Sending love from Northern Minnesota….I have 2 girlfriends here who have taught me the same….thinking of your girl!
Your girl is so beautiful, and I’m so sorry for your loss. I know the pain of the silence, year after year, from losing my son to stillbirth, three days before his due date, 10 years ago. Ansley. Ansley. Ansley. What a beautiful girl.
Bless Ginny and her boy.
Love, G
In Indiana I’m offering up prayers for you as you remember sweet Ansley today.
My heart goes out to you today, Jessica. I lost one of my babies too – my 17-year-old son Jed, on August 3, 2005. Summer is always rough, and I know what you mean about hearing their names. Love to you!
God bless you today and always. Your beautiful daughter is remembered today and I am mourning with you. May God overshadow you today. I pray all you feel is His presence. And may He hide you under the shelter of His wings in all the days to come until you are reunited with your precious daughter for all eternity in heaven. I love you!
Thinking of you on this difficult day Jessica. Sending prayers your way for you n your beautiful angel Ansley
Sweet, sweet Ansley. What a lovely, precious gift. Holding space for you today, Jessica. At a loss for words, but full of love. Bethany in Columbus, OH.
Dearest Jessica,
Happy Angel Day to Ansley. Sending love and prayers from Charlotte, NC and hoping memories of her sweet self bring you comfort on this day and every day.
Jessica,
Crying tears today for people I’ve never met, for you and sweet Ansley. She is not forgotten.
Love from Chicago.
Jessica,
ANSLEY is a most beautiful name. You must have thought long and hard about what to name your baby girl. Way to be a loving and strong mother to her then and now. Love Monkey in Tampa, FL
Sending love to you, Jessica. You and your beautiful daughter Ansley are in my thoughts today.
Mea, Helsinki Finland
Celebrate the life of your beautiful angel, Ansley. Although missed greatly, she will NEVER be forgotten. God is holding Ansley and giving her huge hugs! Stay strong.
Jessica-my heart aches. I know your sweet Ansley must have been a vey special girl.,we all send hugs, Hugs, HUGS. We hope they help just a little.
p.s. From Lilburn, GA (a suburb of Atlanta)
Thinking of you and yours on you Angel’s day. She was a beautiful little girl.
Charlotte’s Dad
Gretna, NE
Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte.
Love, G
Prayers and peace for Ansley’s mom and family — from Kansas
Sending you love from Missouri….your daughter Ansley was beautiful. So much love to you mama.
Jessica,
We know each other from church but ironically this story was linked through several friends with no mutual association. That shows just how far and wide your story and your sweet girl have reached. We think of you and Ansley and your sweet family very often. Please know you are all in our prayers and your child is loved, cherished, and remembered by many.
I was not there, Jessica, when you asked (and answered) this important question, but I am reading it today and want to thank you for sharing. It has helped me know how to be there for others. I am thinking of you and your sweet Ansley today.
Thinking of Jessica, Ansley and their family. Prayers from La Crescent MN.
Thinking of you today. Blessed be your precious daughter’s memory. Terri in Boise
Thinking of you and beautiful Ansley today. God bless you and your family. (Virginia)
Jessica, from Central Pennsylvania, my prayers go out to you, for Ansley, to your family, and to all the parents suffering today. I am a mother. You are a mother. And together, all of us are holding your hands.
Take care.
Jessica Ansley will never be forgotten with your love for her shining so brightly. Many prayers sent from Cape Cod MA.
Jessica-
My heart breaks for you today. I do not know how you feel & will not presume to know. I, too, have an Ansley. Spelled the same. Ansley’s are special, precious, beautiful girls. I cannot imagine losing my Ansley, so with that, today I honor your Ansley. I will live today noticing every special & unique detail about my Ansley. I will love her bigger & better today & I will make sure she knows it. All for the special memory of your Ansley. I will love & kiss & hug my 12 year old Ansley & think of you & your beautiful Ansley. And I will pray for your mama heart. For God to know every hurt in every corner & tiny space & to keep those hurts–for you, Ansley’s mother. Love you friend!
From Sonya in Amarillo, Texas
Dearest Jessica,
Holding space for you today as you remember your precious, beautiful Ansley. I believe with all of my heart, no I know it…you will be with your “little pooky” again. Thank you for being brave mama. May you feel the love and space we are holding for you and your angel girl today.
Much love
Jennifer (Virginia)
Ansley is a beautiful name for your beautiful girl. I’m sending you love and support from Georgia.
What a beautiful Angel! Ansley will never be forgotten. I hope you find some peace today and every day.
Thinking of you and your beautiful little Ansley today…
– Sigh. Deep breath. No greater loss. We are sorry. ANSLEY is missed. ANSLEY, ANSLEY, ANSLEY. Sweet girl. – with love from Reston, VA
What a beautiful girl Ansley was, I am so sorry her life was cut so short . My heart breaks for you and other mothers like you. This was a beautifully written article, hopefully a wake up call to many to never say, ” I don’t know heat to say.” Those beautiful children should always be spoken of and remembered.
Sending some loving thoughts to you from Boston, MA. Glad you stood up and asked the question. Important for all of us.
Ansley, so eine hübsche Maus. Sie wird nie vergessen sein. Liebe Grüße aus Hessen in Deutschland
Offering up prayers for you and your beautiful Ansley in Kentucky.