Last month, I was in a room with four hundred women, and we were laughing and crying and just BEING together. Halfway through our time together, a woman stood up and said, “Glennon, what would you say to help people understand the importance of being there for a friend who has lost a child? We lost our daughter, Ansley, seven years ago and most of our friends and family have just fallen away. Now on her birthday and Angel Day- I might receive a card or two. It’s just not enough. Our baby is gone and we need the people who knew her to talk to us about her, but they don’t. Everyone we loved is just silent about it. It makes me feel like Ansley is forgotten. It feels like the world is pretending she never existed.”
I just looked at her for a long moment. The room was completely silent. It was clear to everyone that this woman had single-handedly escorted the four hundred of us into the most important moment of the evening.
I finally said, “What is your name?”
She said, “Jessica.”
I said, “Jessica- you tell us. What would YOU tell people to do?”
And she said, “SHOW UP. Show up right away and then keep showing up. Don’t worry about saying the right thing, there is no right thing. Just say SOMETHING. Just tell us you haven’t forgotten. And say their name. It’s like people are afraid to remind me of her- as if I’m not already thinking about her every moment of every day. Everyone avoids her name- but we still need to hear their names spoken by people who loved them.”
I thanked Ansley’s mama for saying what we all needed to hear. For telling us that when it comes to tragedy- what a friend does is pull together all her brave and run towards the heartbreak and mightily resist the urge to try to fix it and instead just sit in it and soak up a little bit of the love and pain.
And then she says her name. Often. Because your friend is still Ansley’s mama, as certainly and surely and eternally and solidly as you are the mama of your babies. That’s who she STILL IS. Somehow now more than ever. She doesn’t know herself any other way and she doesn’t want to. And so when you don’t acknowledge that part of her, it’s like you’re not even there with her. She needs you to be there with her. With Ansley’s grieving mama.
I said, “Jessica. I don’t know what to say. But listen, I’ll tell you one thing. Ansley’s Angel Day is not going to pass silently this year. I know some people who would love nothing more than to stop and remember Ansley with you. They are the Monkees. You tell me Ansley’s date and then you visit us on her day. “
And Jessica cried and we all cried together – all four hundred of us – for the loss of a baby girl and the pain of a mother and the soothing balm of women who rush toward each other and sit and cry with each other and just give up on saying too many words at all.
Today is Ansley’s Angel Day- July 14. I imagine that Jessica will wake up this morning and look out her window and wonder how in the world it is that the world can keep spinning on the day that her own world died.
I would like for us to stop the world for a moment today to remember Ansley, to honor Jessica, and to hold space for all of our sisters’ great loss and pain and love. Let us do this in two ways:
- Please leave a comment here for Jessica. She will be reading today. Let us show her we cared enough to STOP today and say Ansley’s name. Let us tell her that she is not the only one who is feeling the width and depth today of the loss of Ansley. Also, in your comment- tell Jessica where you’re from. It makes the love feel more real when you can see that it’s covering the globe.
- Then please, in honor of Ansley and Jessica- call to mind a friend who has suffered a great loss and then reach out to her. If you can’t call her, email her. If you can’t email her, text her. Don’t let your lack of time or the perfect thing to say stop you. Just do it. Stop the world for a moment in honor of her. That’s what we do when we pause in the middle of a busy day to reach out to someone who is hurting. We say “to me, you are worth stopping the world for.”
MS-MD has donated $700 to the Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood Program in honor of Precious Ansley (who would have been a nine year old girl today) and in honor of her Warrior Mama, Jessica, and in honor of all of you who have lost your babies. I am stopping my world today to tell you that I have no perfect words. I am just here, and I am so very, very sorry.
Love,
G and TWMF
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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4,536 Comments
Holding space for you today, Jessica. Your Ansley is not forgotten!
Dianne from Ohio
Dear Jessica, Here is an old grandmother whose children are grown and whose grandchildren almost are, imagining the agony and core, primal grief that would follow me all the days of my life if any one of them were lost to me. My prayer is that you find some kind of solace in all these compassionate messages and the FACT that so many mothers are remembering Ansley with love for both of you.
Dearest Jessica,
I am thinking of you, Ansley and your family today. May you know Ansley is not forgotten. The sweet beautiful girl she is. Just because she is not walking with us in this world, she still is. What a gift for you to be her Mama. You are not alone, I too walk in this world without my son, Blake. (1998-2012) May you see beauty all around you and have little signs that she is not that far away. Much love and prayers.
Blake, Blake, Blake.
Thank you, Jessica. I am saying your sweet Ansley’s name in my prayers today… and speaking out loud the name of a couple others who I have known and lost. This was such an important thing to share and I thank you for your bravery, frustration and courage it took to share it. You educated us all.
Any my heart breaks for your loss… no words, but prayers today.
Dear Jessica, sending love to you today as you remember your precious Ansley and the gift she brought to your life. Thank you for sharing what it means to be brave: that love looks pain in the face. May you feel the collective prayers and love as we circle around your sorrow and the memory of your baby girl. You are loved. {Idaho}
My daughter was 20 when her first son, my first grandchild, died in 2000 after 30 short days on this earth. Every year since then, I’ve sent her flowers on his birthday, and a keepsake gift on his ascension day. My other daughter told me last year that she will take over when I am no longer around to do it because she sees how much it means to her sister.
Jessica, I am hugging you in my heart today and thinking of you and your precious little girl. I pray she and Bailey are holding hands in heaven.
Bailey, Bailey, Bailey.
Ansley is not forgotten. She is not only in the hearts of you and your family, but she is now in ours. Just shared your story and her picture with my family, and we all agree that she is so beautiful. You are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thinking of you both today. Such an adorable little lady.
Love for Jessica today and all the other Mommas that never forget. Ansley and our Angels are with us.
Jessica – I’m sending hugs and prayers for you today in celebration of the day that sweet Ansley was born and changed the world forever.
Love to you, Jessica. Today is my birthday, and I will celebrate my life today as well as your sweet Ansley’s.
Jessica – thinking of you and Ansley today, and sending a virtual hug out to you.
Prayers to you Jessica. Thinking of your sweet daughter today.
Jessica – thinking of you today, holding space for you on Ansley’s Angel Day. <3 Thanks Glennon for making us stop and think, and for keeping us moving forward in the mission of caring for others, near and far.
( I'm in KC, Mo)
Jessica, thinking and praying for you today from North Carolina. Your daughter is beautiful!
Jessica.. praying for you today as you remember your precious angel Ansley. Thank you for reminding all of us to be there for our friends…
I recently lost my 31 year old brother to cancer. I agree, it is always, always good to talk about him and here his name but people do seem scared to bring him up. Sending you love today. I’m so sorry Ansley is no longer here on earth.
Jessica –
Sending up prayers for you and your beautiful Ansley today.
Ansley is such a lovely name. Praying today that you hear it resounding all around you, always. Thanks also, Jessica, for sharing this with those of us who want so much to do the right things for our friends in times like this. Off to send some notes to other mamas who need to hear baby names today.
Jessica, I’m praying for you today, and for Ansley. What a beautiful girl, what a brave momma. Love.
Jessica, I am thinking of you and Ansley today and I have put Ansley’s name on a piece of paper inside my desk drawer (where I put the things I want to be sure to remember) and each time I see it I will say a prayer that God is holding you tight and abiding with you through it all.
Jessica, I’m saying a prayer for you and your beautiful angel Ansley. Thank you for the reminder that a mother’s love is never-ending, whether her children with her, or in Heaven.
Sending big hugs from Texas for you, your family, and beautiful Ansley
Jessica-thinking of you and your precious little girl today. I wish you strength and peace from Ohio.
Love to you today Jessica, and loving thoughts for your beautiful daughter Ansley. Smile when you think of her, you WILL see each other again! ❤️
Jessica,
I am thinking about your beautiful Ansley today and sending hugs to you.
Thinking of you today, Jessica, and your beautiful daughter Ansley. Thank you for reminding all of us that no matter how much time passes, its important to remember and honor our loved ones by holding a little space for them everyday. You’ve opened my eyes to something and I will always keep this in my heart.
What a lucky child Ansley is to have a mom who loves her so. I hope you feel the hugs and love of all of us for you and your family…
Thinking of you Jessica and your baby girl Ansley today. I will hold you both close to my heart today.
Jessica, my heart is breaking for you and your family today. I am thinking of you all and your sweet little girl, Ansley, with her beautiful dark eyes and her cheeky wee grin. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.
Jessica, you sound like an incredible woman to stand up and speak like that in front of a whole room. But I know, from experience, that to do that sort of thing is so easy in comparison to living without a sweet precious child. I hope your Ansley and my Benjamin are dancing in heaven together. Much love and hugs xxxxx
Benjamin, Benjamin, Benjamin.
thinking of you jessica…and your beautiful angel ansley.
Praying for you and your sweet, little Ansley today. Please know there is a family in Baltimore opening our arms up to you.
I am stopping the world for this moment to think of Jessica, Ansley and their family. I am so sorry for their loss and the pain and heartache. I think it’s so brave that Jessica spoke up to share her pain with others.
Thinking of you and your precious angel Ansley today from Minnesota.
Jessica, I am so very sorry that you lost your Ansley. I am holding space for you today and hope that you feel so many arms around you.
Dearest Jessica – your baby girl is and always will be an angel bathed in light. My love to you both.
Loving on you today….Ansley, Jessica and Family…..Thank you for your strength and vulnerability. Prayers
Heartfull Love to Mama Jessica and Ansley today and a prayer for Courage from me.
Jessica, you and your sweet baby are lifted up today by thousands of hands and supported more than you realize. God bless, sweet Ansley!!
Jessica, sending you peace today as you celebrate through remembrance your sweet baby girl Ansley. Wishing you light, love and strength for today and all the days ahead. I am sure you are many things to many people in this world just as you were then and will be forever, Ansley’s mama. From this warriors heart to yours…xxxxx
Praying for you, Jessica! Ansley is a beautiful girl and has a beautiful mama! Than you for being brave enough to say something and encouraging all of us to say something, too! I hope the world shows up for you today! <3
What a beautiful girl Ansley is! Praying for strength and comfort for you today and every day, Jessica.
Thinking of you today, and know you will remember your sweet Ansley’s life in a special way today. Thank you for sharing her and your advice with us!
Thinking of you and your family today and promise to do something for someone in honor of sweet Ansley.
Dear Jessica, I’m stopping my part of this world today to sit still and remember your precious, beautiful baby girl. On Ansley’s Angel Day, I want you to know that you, and she, are loved so very very much. Her time on this Earth mattered. She made a beautiful difference in this world. Thank you for sharing your story so bravely. Thank you for sharing your baby girl with the world. I am so very, very sorry for all you have lost. Love, Amy
Jessica, (((hugs))) to you in memory of your sweet Ansley today. Hold on, sister.
Sweet Jessica…today you are not alone. Today may you know that Ansley is not forgotten, that you are not forgotten. Today may you know that somehow through the loss blooms great beauty like moments written above by Glennon, by the thousands of us who now stop to reflect, what is loss and heartache has birthed beauty, love and compassion and HOPE for others who may have lost a child or are just feeling loss and are alone. Thank you for birthing that hope through your pain, thank you Ansley for being a light and beacon of love even though your physical presence is not here. Ansley your heart is not forgotten, you are dearly loved and your precious legacy and mother’s legacy are paving a road of hope and healing for countless others. Today..and everyday…may the beacon of hope continue to shine for every beautifully broken one in our world.
amen.
Jessica,
My heart breaks for what your heart feels every day. I am sorry you lost your precious, beautiful little girl, Ansley; and I’m sorry you have to feel the pain of feeling like people have forgotten her, and what you’re going through. I’ll be thinking about you today, and in the days to come.
Jessica, thinking of you and Ansley today. I pray that today brings you happy memories of your daughter, and comfort that she isn’t forgotten. Hugs to you.
Ansley you and your Mama are very much loved. Carrying both of you in my heart today.
What a precious little girl… Love to you mamma, thank you for showing up, and sharing your story with us. Remembering Ansley today.
Jessica, and all of Ansley’s family and friends ~ I am here in my kitchen, holding out open arms to help hold space for each of you, and for precious Ansley. May you revel in the time you had with her; may you remember all the little moments of her life; and may you find the by your courage to speak out and ask for help, that the responses fill you with love and hope. Peace and joy to you from a fellow Monkee in North Carolina…
Celebrating Ansley’s life and her wonderful mother Jessica from Brooklyn, NY!
Jessica, I’m sorry you didn’t get to celebrate more birthdays with your beautiful daughter. She is not forgotten.
Blessings to you Jessica, today-and on all days. Ansley was very obviously loved and will be remembered, now by many of us who did not know her during her time on Earth. Holding you close and sending up a prayer to Ansley as well. May you find a moment of quiet today and feel her love for you.
Jessica – You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today, as you celebrate your little angel, Ansley.
Thinking of Mama and baby today. No words can ease the loss you’ve experienced, but know we are all feeling with you. Such a beautiful girl!
Mama Jessica, I am thinking of you and your precious Ansley right now. I pray you feel God’s peace today, and that you feel the tiniest bit buoyed by Monkee love today. xo
May you find joy today and in all days as you remember happy moments with Ansley. Love and hugs to you, brave momma.
Jessica – your Ansley is remembered today. As I remember my nephew, Daniel, who died three weeks ago…I can only imagine your pain but I know of your pride and love for your precious Ansley. May you feel God’s love and blessings as you carry on.
With love from Minnesota
Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.
Jessica, I am thinking of you, your family and your sweet Ansley today.
I was at the Atlanta event and you opened my eyes to how to help friends who have lost loved ones. Thank you.
Thinking of you and of Ansley. Thank you for sharing and for helping us to know what we need to do for friends who’ve lost a child. I will SHOW UP. I promise you, and I promise Ansley.
Jessica- stopping to wish you a beautiful day of remembrance of your daughter, Ansley. May her memory be sweet to you.
Ansley. A beautiful name for a beautiful child who no doubt still adds beauty to your every day.
Jessica, Ansley is never forgotten. It is but a thin veil that separates us. She is with you every day and you are always her mama. Love, Megan
Jessica, the day your beautiful girl left this earth, mine came into the world. She is the light of our lives as I am sure your little girl still is. I know there are no words to ease your pain…..I am praying for you and your family today.
Brutiful.
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today! What a pretty girl!!
Hoping these comments sustain you and that you can print them out and put them by your bed, so when you need them again they are there. love to you and your family
Thinking of sweet Ansley and her Mama, Jessica today. Both are remembered and loved today and always.
Ansley. What a beautiful name for a beautiful girl.
What a beautiful and sweet little girl you have Jessica…I am sending out thoughts and wishes for you and Ansley today. So sorry that your time with your precious baby was so short.
You are a brave and strong woman and mother Jessica. Ansley is very proud of you and the good you are doing in the world! Hugs and prayers for Ansley, you, and your family today and everyday.
Remembering Ansley today and celebrating her along with you, her forever mother.
Jessica, I am crying after reading your story about Ansley. What a sweet and wonderful little girl. Please know that I’m thinking of you.
Holding space. Sending love. And Ansley will never be forgotten. Not by you or the world. Keep being her momma and she will remain your daughter and blessing for all of your days.
Blessings to you and your baby girl, Ansley, and your entire family today. I don’t know if this would help or not, but as I sat here praying and thinking of you and your girl, I had this idea pop into my head. Maybe you could consider having a jar or pretty vase on your mantle with Ansley’s name on it. Then whenever you think of her, write down a memory and put it in the jar. You could ask other people to do it when they come visit you and that way you could start conversations. And when you are having rough days, you can pull out all the memories and read them one-by-one. If this sounds completely inappropriate, please ignore it and just focus on the love that is here. Blessings.
Love this, Billie. Thank you for stopping the world to think of this and write it to Jessica.
Love, G
I love love love this idea. I am thinking about sweet Ansley and her Mom today too. Prayers to you and your family and I hope you feel the love you are surrounded by today.
Love to both you and Ansley today. And man, do those tiny barrettes look adorable in that sweet hair of hers!! 🙂
Jessica, your Ansley is beautiful. I can only imagine how much you miss her every single day. Today I am holding space for you.
Big hugs to you today, Jessica!
I’m celebrating Ansley & her sweet smile!
She is loved & so are you <3
Jessica, Ansley is beautiful. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of both of you today.
What a beautiful monument you selected for your darling Ansley. I know how hard it must have been to pick something to honor her. It looks strong and natural and lovely. I imagine those are all things that could also be said about you and your Ansley. Prayers for you today.
lifting you up today mama. your little sweetheart was a beautiful baby – those big brown eyes!! can’t imagine how you feel without her in your arms. in honor of ansley i will reach out to a hurting friend today, and hold my own toddler a little tighter. best to you.
My mother’s closest childhood friend, Aleen, lost her young son, Casey, to Cystic Fibrosis about 40 years ago. My mother once told me the story of Aleen’s first visit to our house after Casey died. Nobody wanted to say the wrong thing, so everyone stuck to small talk. Then out of the blue, my preschool self said, “I sure do miss Casey.” My mother said she nearly corroded when I spoke Casey’s name, and she stood up to quickly herd me to another room. But Aleen lit up like a Christmas tree and said, “Oh, me too, Adrianne. I miss him so much.” Then we all sat around and talked about Casey while his mama beamed.
I saw Aleen again two summers ago. She’s in her 70’s now, and she has two grown daughters. But when we were gabbing and catching each other up on the past 40 years, I mentioned Casey again. I told Aleen of the one memory I have of him. She lit up like a Christmas tree again. She is still Casey’s mama.
Ansley. Casey. Shayla. Jack.
Jessica, What a beautiful child you have!! You can see in her face all of the love that she received. I am thinking of you and your adorable Ansley. Thank you for those words because my Mom lost my sister 4 years ago, and sometimes I have no idea how to act. I am afraid to talk about Heather because it makes my Mom sad. But I know not talking about her makes her feel forgotten — which she will never be.
Much love to you today and everyday!!!!!
Remembering Ansley today…I hope the sweet memories of her wrap you in love today.
Precious Ansley. Praying for you today Jessica.
Jessica, I’m on the treadmill at the gym and fighting back the tears. I know the feeling you described to Glennom all too well. My husband lost his battle with cancer 17 months ago and some days it seems all but us have forgotten.
I want to reassure you that you are living Ansley’s legacy every day and that is a beautiful thing. I can see the light in your little angel’s eyes when I look at the pictures and it’s contagious. Her light had reminded me of the beauty and blessings that TODAY holds for me and my family. Her light rinds me that today is a day worth seizing. Thank you for sharing the light of her beautiful little life. I’m sending you hugs and prayers today as you continue to process her absence from this earthly world.
Thinking of you, too Alysha.
Love to you, Alysha.
G
Jessica, thinking of you and your family and sweet angel Ansley! Love and blessings to you!
So much love for you, Jessica, and your sweet girl, Ansley, today! You will always be her mama, and she will always be your child.
Jessica, I’m thinking of you and Ansley today!
Dear Jessica,
I’m thinking about you and your Angel Girl, Ansley. I don’t know why she was taken from you so young – but I hope that you find some peace in remembering her today. You are not forgotten. She is not forgotten.
What a beautiful baby girl! Thank you, Jessica for helping us understand how we should treat our friends, neighbors, acquaintances and family members who have list their children. God bless your family.
ansley–know that your love and light go on–through your brave & beautiful momma jessica, and through this special place, where we all hold space for your sweet mommy’s heartache. thank you for this important reminder. sending love.
Jessica, your little angel Ansley is precious. Thank you for having the courage to stand up and tell us to show up and BE THERE for those people facing a difficult situation. God bless you and your family today as you celebrate the life of your beautiful daughter.
Jessica, Ansley is a BEAUTIFUL child, with a BEAUTIFUL Mama. Bless you, today, Sweet Mama. with love, and tears, and love.
Jessica, your Ansley is such a bright-eyed girl. What did she like to do? Did she dance around the room? Did she like to blow bubbles? Were strawberries one of her favorite foods?
Sitting with you today in spirit.
I’m so sorry Jessica! Ansley is so beautiful in those photos! My heart is breaking for you. I cannot imagine what it must be like to face every day, but then on special days like today it must be unbearable. Know that we monkees are all out here holding pieces of one big net that is tied with our heartstrings in hopes that our lifting you up somehow makes today a bit less full of saddness.
Sweet angel Ansley. Love to you today, Jessica, Ansley’s sweet mama.
Jessica, I am holding space for you and sweet Ansley today. What an incredibly beautiful child.