This was a nice story, but the way it was written was the best. You truly have a gift.

While I commend this and other great teachers, the problems in the educational system stem from the unholy alliance between the department of education and the corrupt teachers unions. It’s time power and control go back to the school boards, principals, and teachers, so parents can hold them accountable.

If the goal is to turn teaching and learning into robotic activities, as the bureaucratic powers-that-be desire, there won’t be any need for teachers like this, and we can stop “wasting our time” on such silly nonsense!

Too bad these things matter less and less these days. Thanks to our administration and the “Common Core” fiasco, teachers now spend their time turning students into little pieces of data. Who cares if they can think, or what they think, or how they feel? Just “evaluate” them every 5 minutes for some sign of measurable “growth.”

Oh my goodness…THANK YOU. From one tired teacher who cares about JUST this kind of thing, who sometimes feels the Powers That Be want to exhaust me with analyzing OTHER data so that the bruising of kids, the misunderstandings between them, and the helping them learn how to repent and forgive get brushed out of my line of sight….THANK YOU. You remind me of the reason my private little mailbox hangs on my desk freely inviting just those kind of notes from students, “about anything!” Thank you for caring that we help…that you don’t think we’re trying to usurp your place as parents but are just trying to help see what we get to see in the many hours with your kiddos that we spend with them. That we care. Their sweet eyes, great ideas, fears and dreams matter to us, too. Thank you for noticing that as teachers we are people who love kids too, not just “test preparers who are here for a paycheck.” Thank you!

I thought this was so well written, thoughtful and from the heart. As a former educator in the public school system I have seen first hand what so many of my colleagues did (and continue to do) each day to build self-esteem, teach kindness and compassion in addition to the many other things they are required to do. They go above and beyond what’s expected, giving so much of their time and heart. It is teachers like this that keep my spirit bright for our future. Thank you for sharing.
Warmly, Laura

I don’t understand how so many people are turning this story into something ugly in these comments. How could it ever be wrong to try to reach kids who might feel lonely and show them that you care? Seriously, how is that EVER, ever wrong? Why is this even a debate?

I send my children to school to learn how to solve mathematic problems, to learn science, to learn how to read and write, to fill their minds with useful knowledge about our world. But I teach them how to be kind to others, how to respect authority, what is morally right and wrong, how to be aware of the emotions of others, and to understand the consequences of their actions whether good or bad. The issue is that some parents believe the teachers are responsible for teaching our children everything, which leads to teachers doing what this teacher did. If parents were doing their jobs at home we wouldn’t have teachers working overtime to teach and raise our kids. IN MY MOST HUMBLE OPINION.

I believe this is so true. If we help students find a safe place in school where they feel cared for and their contributions, valued, then learning will happen because they are grateful.

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This article, and many of the comments are truly frightening. They really do explain a lot though.

Wow! Is there any wonder children become confused and behave badly? Just look at the example being set for them here. I’ve never seen so many adults behaving so badly! I understand passion and having an opinion, but whatever happened to being respectful of others and agreeing to disagree? If ever I needed proof that the job of teacher is impossible, I need look no further. All the proof I need is right here. Teachers scolding teachers, parents attacking teachers, administrators publicly reprimanding teachers, other professionals wanting to put the smack down on teachers. As a society, we collectively seem to be saying, “hey – you – teacher – walk on water!!! . . . and while you’re at it . . . please all of the people all of the time!!!” And yet no one can seem to agree on the way in which that ought to the done. We can’t walk on water, but by God our teachers better! Oh, and while we demand that our teachers be perfect and God-like in every possible way, we pay them in beans and rice while charging them steak and lobster for their benefits. Wake up America! We can do better! And if the children of today are to have any chance at a future, we better start showing a little respect – NOW! Otherwise, excellent teachers might become extinct sooner than later. Then what?

Sadly, this technique has been around for years. Google “sociogram” or “friendship chart” sometime. My ex-wife, an elementary school counselor, was using this method in the classrooms she visited over 20 years ago.

Wow, found through a link on twitter and blew me away. I wish this was a practice that every teacher employed. I remember having teachers who would encourage bullying/teasing and it was really humiliating. This is the kind of teacher that will go down in history as someone who made a difference. <3

The sad thing, in my opinion, that what the comments to this article reflect is not whether one is for or against the methods used by the teacher to do whatever it is she does, but the total lack of understanding and the blatant refusal to consider a view that is different to the one that we hold. THIS….. I believe, is what is always reflected in the way kids act. Want to know why a kid is a bully? Look at the primary example for behavior, the example they get at home. Want to know why a kid is helpful, caring and empathetic? Same primary source of behavior. And of course there are the sociopaths and those with personality disorders, a minuscule percentage of the population. Kids have to learn from somewhere. Behaviour patterns does not happen by osmosis. The main reason your kid is who your kid is, is YOU. The mimic your behavior, they accept your beliefs without question. If you show no respect for the opinions of others, if you have no tolerance for a different point of view, it shows you up as a self centred, self righteous bigot, cause no matter what merit another opinion holds, if it is not in line with YOUR belief system, it will be “wrong”. What kind of a person will this mold your child into? In no way am I saying, “do not have an opinion” but remember that is exactly what it is. An opinion. Another person has another opinion. Nobody is the same. Respect does not only happen in school where teachers need to be respected by children. Respect starts in the home. The way we speak about the teachers in front of our children, if we call them names and loudly proclaim how incompetent they are, why should our kids think differently? The way you speak to your husband or your wife, the way you speak to people who work for you. People are born with personality traits, but character is shaped and formed at home.

What an amazing woman! I hope other teachers will follow in her foot steps. I would like for the teachers in my sons school to read this and use this as an example of how to help children who are lost or in need of social assistance.

Chase’s teacher is teaching you math, in her classroom, on her own time. Math does not seem to be ranked as least important to her in her classroom, regardless of what you think of it. Math and social skills are not mutually exclusive. Chase’s teacher seems even better than you make her out to be. She teaches math to those that are (finally) ready for it and probably prioritizes social skills to those for whom it is an essential priority. She focuses likely on the social fabric of the class and building the skills of the individual. So you’re point on connection is right on. Loners, social outcasts, bully victims are probably not getting the math anyway. They have other things on their mind. Kids have to be emotionally ready to learn and so much of that comes from their social environment and their abilities to interact within it. Chase’s teacher has her priorities straight. I’m not sure you do.

This might be one of the most ridiculous articles I’ve ever read. In particular, I find this quote incredibly generalist and lacking in perspective:

This brilliant woman watched Columbine knowing that ALL VIOLENCE BEGINS WITH DISCONNECTION. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness.

All violence begins with disconnection? People can’t act in aggressive or passive-aggressive fashions simply because they have sociopathic tendencies with no underlying root cause? They can’t act with violence as a means of self-defense, in an effort to protect territory, or simply because they enjoy it? They aren’t prone to violence because of say undiagnosed head trauma such as CTE?

Violence has many causes, and the simplistic approach taken by this teacher to attempt to isolate those who exhibit a psychological behavior that might be prone to violence only serves to exaggerate the conditions and make the children who may suffer from them more susceptible to violent behavior, not less. As someone else previously commented, placing an unpopular child in a group full of popular children can subject that child to more of the bullying and psychological torture that teachers are supposed to be preventing, which renders the exercise counterproductive.

The other ridiculous aspect about this idea is that it in no way does the idea replicate behavior in the real world. Picture the following hypothetical situation: you work at a desk job in an office with 47 other people and your desks are arranged in 3×2 rectangles (for the mathematically challenged, that creates 8 total groups). At the end of the week, your supervisor decides to get you and your coworkers to take out pieces of paper and write down the names of five people you might want to sit with the following week, along with the name of one “outstanding coworker” of the 47 that you work with. Your desks are then rearranged based on the names you’ve written down the following week.

Seems a little silly, doesn’t it? It’s a completely impractical idea. Of course, there’s also the issue of what the supervisor does with the “lonely” or “bullied” coworker whose gifts aren’t being recognized by the rest of the office. Of course, the coworker needs extra love and attention because a disconnected coworker will feel inner loneliness, so the office has to accommodate this disconnected coworker, something most offices are ill-equipped for even if the companies wanted to and had any moral obligation to take on this kind of responsibility.

The basic purpose of the education system is to provide children and young adults with the tools they require to function as productive members of society. This social experiment does absolutely nothing in that regard.

As others have pointed out, a lot of children are content to be quiet and blend into the background for reasons that aren’t any more complicated than “I just want to be quiet and blend into the background.” There’s nothing wrong with that, either. As a youth soccer coach, I’ve seen plenty of kids just like that and they fit in with the rest of the kids just fine. They weren’t going to score 5 goals in a game on the soccer pitch, but they may turn into a right fullback and play solid defense and shut down an opposition forward and be quite content to do that. I didn’t care if they barely said two words on the bench during halftime because it didn’t affect their play on the field.

I don’t want to see a child suffer any more than the next person, but isolating these children by such a process only serves to exacerbate the condition as opposed to dealing with the root causes of a child’s perceived issues.

I really appreciated this article. Frankly it was a great practical strategy to do something that we theoretically all want to do.

I am a middle-school teacher and our school uses the Developmental Designs approach, which focuses on social-emotional learning and skill building. We have seen that along with “better behavior” and more connected kids, our test scores have also gone up substantially. If you see a kid who is getting his needs met, you see a kid who is ready to learn math. (I am a math teacher.)

As an Inclusion teacher (4th/5th grade multi-age classroom), spotting this sort of thing is always in the back of my head. It drives a lot of my actions. That said, I tried a version of this yesterday with my students (44 of them), and the results surprised me. I spend so much time looking for the kiddos that need the most support, I overlook the ‘lonely’ ones sometimes. These aren’t always the ones that need the most support. This is powerful stuff. I will continue this strategy every day and suggest it to all of my colleagues. Thank you very much!

This is a very good idea. I also think that some of the ideas stated are not what parents or school boards think is important. Schools are measured and scores are reported in the newspapers by a standardized test that truly measures very little. I think that great things can be done to help kids who slip through the cracks by teachers who care about the children. Some of the problems are getting principals and parents to get these kids help if they need it for bullying or being bullied. Most caring teachers who spend time interacting with the kids will know who has friends and who doesn’t, who is bullying and who is being bullied. Teachers can’t do everything but they certainly can try and get help for kids who need it.

I hope she passes this knowledge to her successor an coworkers. Great intervention.

I like the article, it’s a wonderful idea and could do a lot of good for a lot of children. The comments sure went wacky pretty quickly. Who the heck made this about religion? Should we all go to school and pray to god Allah or Ganesh in order to be good people? Just because someone has a belief does not make it ok to proselytize, especially to innocent children who’s families may have other beliefs. Acceptance means accepting that others don’t believe as you do and that doesn’t make them “wrong” or that they don’t want to discuss their private beliefs with you.
Now, back to the teacher in the article… well done!

Beautiful. I could have used a teacher like this as a child. I was the kid that no one ever noticed and teachers didn’t even know my name at the end of the year. It was sort of a sad and quiet childhood.

This is a brilliant and loving approach and message for us all!

I’m a mom of six; 3 were “lonely children” who grew up with ASD/PDD-NOS, mood disorders, ADHD, depression, etc. Children that people, both children and adults, would avoid.This message is for more than just teachers; these principles can be applied in churches, small groups, etc. for anyone who works with children and teens.

From my experience, I now try to seek out and love more on those who are hard to love, particularly those who are now in the midst of young adulthood.

I challenge everyone to mentor a hard to love child. They will, in the long run, appreciate your love, even if they don’t know how to reciprocate and show it.

Their parents will thank you.

As a teacher I agree with this but for one thing – all parents do not want kind and brave children at the expense of curricula success. Many want kids who get straight A’s, 98%+ in all subjects and if they don’t, they feel disgraced. It’s wrong in my eyes but not in theirs, so what’s a teacher to do?

Wow! I am almost in tears as I sit here. I have a young son with an Autism Spectrum Diagnosis and, although, he is happy right now I am very aware at the social risks that come along with this. The idea that there are people out there who have as much concern about my son’s sense of well being as well as every other kid’s, is what keeps me going. What a wonderful idea and what a wonderful teacher.

As a past teacher, this is heartwarming. I can only ask, why curse in your last paragraph? Anger and frustration echo in your comments. All your words were. just. lost. with that last curse word. Oh, and also, I’ll bet you can’t find a handful of teachers–Christians– who will even take the time to do this. This one was amazing. She’s retiring. Good luck finding another. Most are just in it for the job and the “security” of teaching. They literally would have to kill someone just to lose their jobs. UP with holding teachers accountable (merit pay) and down with just letting teachers do whatever they want. And one more thing, I didn’t read about faith or God or anything having to do with Christian values in your words. There’s the real problem. We’ve taken God out of our schools and since He’s not there, by choice of many teachers and administrators as well as parents, we’d only better pray that this bullying epidemic doesn’t continue to escalate. Words are words. Action is action. Let’s see more action, and less trite words about how to help our young people.

Thank you for sharing. As a young teacher, I plan on adding this to my toolbox.

Shared with our sweet little school’s principal. Wow! Thank you, G!

Our government is doing to our schools what they’ve done to our banking industry. Everything must be reported. In this world where everything in society is data mined by the government and homeland security, and after reading this article, I’m more convinced than ever that good American parents need to get our kids out of “assembly line” public and even private schools, teach them at home, and get them immersed into the *real* world. Too many people that I work with, engineers and professionals, mind you, simply don’t know how to spell or write using proper English of any variety. Even many privately educated kids. If you truly want a job done right, you really have to do it yourself, or by someone you personally know will do the job right. Don’t trust someone else to do it for you if it’s something that’s this important.

I was concerned that I wouldn’t like what you had to say because you didn’t think math and reading were among the most important things taught in school… so glad I kept reading! Most teachers do an amazing job in their classrooms by building relationships. As a teacher, I think getting to know 120 new people each school year is the funnest part of my job!

On a purely pragmatic level, reducing the distraction of social stress in the classroom frees up more cognitive attention for actual school work. Inclusiveness and empathy can be creatively woven into the curriculum, and not detract from it. For educators looking for practical application examples, I recommend Vivian Paley’s book “You Can’t Say You Can’t Play”. Her kindergarteners and early elementary students honestly summarize all the drama and anxiety around social cliques/outsiders.

Thank you. As beautiful tears streamed down my face when I read this last week, I decided right then and there I would apply the same tactic in my classroom. So today I had all my “children” (my middle schoolers) write down names of people they’d like to work with. And the results were astounding. Hoping to help save lives…one slip of paper at a time. Thanks, G…you’re wonderful.

Ha….when I was in 4th grade in 1945 in a small school in Massachusetts, my teacher (with a PhD in education) tried this secret “popularity” (buzzword then) measure, informed my parents I was the second-most “unpopular” child in the class – and then the teacher proceeded to bully me more than the students did. I never was given a clue on how to be more “popular”. She used the “secret note” method to get students to confess to an incident, and, being honest, I confessed – and then she told the whole class. Fortunately I was helped in 5th grade by a kind teacher who did not deceive with “secret notes”.

I just read Jodi Picault’s ’19 Minutes’ for the second time. I was so profoundly moved by it and the amount she researched. I only felt deep hatred and anger for the shooters. I only grieved for the ‘innocent’. When I read that book I cry and grieve for the boy bullied everday since the first day of Kindergarten. The amount he hid from his parents. The shame he felt. I come from a long line of ‘route for the underdog’, ‘stand up for the little/disenfranchised people. I instill this in my kids. They know there is no tolerance for bullying and that they should always help those in need ‘because they can’. I worshiped my older brother as did every student in every school he went to–star athlete, prom court, etc. But- I worshiped him the most for helping the little guy, the bullied, having empathy. If you were bullying anyone in his presence–be damned. He had the strength and the courage to help. He would also acknowledge and befriend in the hallways. He would pick the kid not picked for his team. I always ask my kids ‘how would that make YOU feel?’.

I was so moved by this teacher’s methods. Thanks for posting!

After reading this article and some of the comments, I think this article should be taken for what it is – an attempt by a caring teacher to find out what makes her students tick in a way that can’t be measured by any test or by mere observation. I periodically have my students write letters to me, and the results are astounding. I often find out information about students’ home situations that impact all that they do in profound ways. What I do with the information varies depending on what services are available and the needs of the student. Being in my 31st year of teaching and having taught grades 2-8, the one thing I know for sure is that students know when someone values them no matter what quirks they may have, and one comment or action by a teacher can have an enormous impact. What this teacher is doing is admirable. It may not solve world issues, but if it results in one student having a positive experience that he or she may remember for a lifetime, it certainly is worth it.

My daughter hates school, and thinks she doesn’t have any friends. How do I teach her how to make friends? I ask her to smile at two people during the day, and she refuses. I ask her to say “hi” to someone during the day, and she refuses.

Its my first time to teach kindergarten in a public school. Most of my students hail from solo parent, urban poor families. They ride a very cramped school bus to get to school. Obviously unattended at home, they go to school without bathing, no recess money, with dental cavities-crying persistently because of toothaches, etc. And so, this is a helpful reminder to me because I have the tendency to group my students only according to academic abilities, for my benefit of easy instruction and monitoring- While academics is very important, at the end of the day, its not only about reading and math, its also about teaching children the value of kindness and being human.

Just wanted to let you know that I shared this with my graduate students here at Antioch University New England’s Department of Education. All of them are teachers- and all have been profoundly affected. Thanks much.

I sent this on to my sons teacher, he is in K. I think it is a great idea to get the students involved and ask their opinions. We do a color system at our school, (blue, green, yellow, red) and I suggested at the end of each week the kids be asked who should be on what color or who was a great friend this week, etc. Maybe if they see that their peers can elect them for “prizes” this would make them become more aware of how they act all week. I may even try this at home. Great article!

Absolutely beautiful! Thank you SO much for sharing!!

I’m pasting the bulk of my reply from a previous page because I want this comment to reach further. Here it goes again:

Leeann wrote:

“… The truth of the matter is that there are good schools, great schools, less-than-mediocre schools and likewise for teachers and students as well, all running the gamut of good through less-than-mediocre. I’m in Northern Virginia where my kids attend a great school with equally great teachers. My husband and I care about our kids education and will see to it that all assignments are completed on time. We have the ability to sign into Blackboard 24/7 where we can see what our kids assignments are and what tests or quizzes they have that week. We are involved not only with our kids education but also with raising them to care about others and be kind. They are well-behaved, respectful, responsible and well-mannered because we don’t accept anything less. Our school promotes the idea that the parent(s), student and teacher are a team that facilitates the success of that student. Is it that way for the rest of the nation? Absolutely not! I get that. I get that not every child has a loving family life or enough family income or attends a great school and has great teachers who care.
This comes down to ALL adults stepping up to the plate and giving a damn about ALL kids. Not just their own kids. Be a good neighbor to your neighbors. Set a good example at all times and see that your kids also set a good example for those around them. I’m the mom at the bus stop who doesn’t have to be there because my kids are old enough to set foot out the door and get on and off the bus themselves. I stand out there with them because I want to. I’m not the only parent out there but there aren’t many of us. I look out for the kids whose jackets need zipping or whose shoes need tying. I huddle the little ones together with myself to keep warm. I fit as many kids under my giant umbrella as I can on a rainy day. I’m a good neighbor and my fellow neighbors are good to me.

This supports the idea that WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER. Each of us can take responsibility to be kind to others, but some of us don’t and some of us can’t. If you’re the type (like I am) to reach out to others without fear of rejection, please do it. If you’re the type who needs some help or a friend, please ask someone. If you see someone in a wheelchair at the grocery store, ask them if there’s anything on the shelf you can reach for them. We all need to keep our eyes open and see how we might be able to help that student, that parent, that neighbor, that friend and even that stranger.

When a teacher cares about their students enough to do something that will benefit them, how can it be a bad thing? If any of us is capable, we can and should be a catalyst for positive change.”

I shared this with some folks, including my son’s 2nd grade teacher. She wrote back within a couple of days to say not only that she is going to implement it in her class, but also that she had passed it along to the school administration, and they are discussing implementing it school-wide! So happy!!

Glennon, where can we send love letters to this phenomenal teacher?

Chase’s teacher is a teacher with Godly mind and character. I think she has a clear objective/vision why she was into teaching. She wanted to impact lives and of course she did. I think I am learning something here: seeing every child the way God sees them. Each child is carefully and wonderfully made. God is not wasteful, If there is no need for something God wouldn’t do it. Every child is created for a purpose.we are to help them grow to the full status of Christ and be whom God wanted them to be. If any child exhibit any maladaptive behaviour, we are to see how to help in modifying such behaviour.

Hmm, this article seems heart-warming at first, until you really think about it. I don’t agree with this article for 4 reasons:
1. I think if teachers are perceptive, they can easily point out which kids in the class are lonely and which kids are bullies without using a complicated seating chart request. Teachers spend all day with these children for an entire year.
2. Just because kids are quiet and shy, doesn’t mean that they are disconnected and are going to be school shooters. It also doesn’t mean they are being bullied. It may mean that they are introverted, and that’s ok. Our school system and teaching methods are designed entirely around the needs of extroverted children, and that’s a problem.
3. Maybe these seating chart requests are creating situations that lead to bullying. Maybe the kids will talk about which names they wrote down and which names they didn’t and why. It’s the same idea if you were to make kids in a gym pick for teams to figure out who is picked last every time. Seems sorta cruel to me.
4. Like many other commentors posted, what help is the teacher getting for the lonely children? This is the most important part of the article, but the author didn’t even include it.

I read an article such as this…..and think, ah yes, there is hope for humanity. The negative comments, the arguing, and criticism of other points of view, makes the think…..nah, we’re history.

Most gifted educators can and do what this lovely teacher does but they also realize the backward nature of a one-size-fits-all approach to those little individuals in her classroom. Teaching to test, teaching to test, teaching to test….with the test scores accounting for 50% of her evaluation doesn’t leave much time for the warmer, fuzzier opportunities in her day. And those moments are less and less the deeper you get into the program. Common Core is the sharpest slap in the face of every single child in America today. They are robbed of their individuality and uniqueness and squashed into this weird panacea of commonness and mediocrity with the highest goal being to mold them into “workers.” They are referred to as human capital. Units. Do the research. Eradicating this cheap, shiny toy being dangled before the eyes of unsuspecting parents and teachers is how you honor every amazing little child and set them up for true success in life. And….that math she took how long to teach you? It’s stupid, not rigorous.

I also have a grade 5 class this year. This is something that I have been doing in my class since I started teaching for the same reasons. Every two weeks or so, I hand out a “ticket” that they put their name on one side and on the other side they list 3 students that they feel they work well with and one student who they feel they are not working well with. At the beginning of the year they select their friends first on the list and they put the child they often “do not like” as the person that they do not work well with. (by Christmas the students often list their best friend as the one they don’t work well beside because they recognize that they talk to much. Also, many of the students by that time are not putting someone who they can’t work well with because they are problem solving and they are not as affected by students that are different then themselves or who they don’t play with.)We have class meetings where everyone has a voice and we discuss things that are amazing in school and around school and we also discuss problems that they identify throughout the week. Each child gets to use his or her own voice to share their feelings, and no one can interrupt. We use sign language clapping to show approval of something so it doesn’t interrupt the person but shows that they agree with the student’s statements or thoughts. They may not use names in their discussion. They use things like: “There is a lot of people writing notes back and forth and it makes me feel bad because I think some of them are about me” or “A lot of people in our class are swearing at recess during manhunt and some are tackling and people are getting hurt.” I have seen students break down, get up and hug a student they have bullied and share how they have bullied that person at recess after a student has cried and said they feel lonely and bullied.” I observe many children who are being isolated or bullied through their small, secret “ticket” that they submit to me. I use the information to arrange their seating in class. Sometimes I sit them at opposite sides of the classroom for a “break” so that I can observe problems or issues and “catch” acts of bullying as the bully will often still try to get to that student across the room. This allows me to be observant and the bullied child is not confronted by others with “snitching”. Sometimes I sit the bullied child with a popular child so they can interact as we have many conversations or “elbow partner” discussions that require the children to share ideas with each other. Occasionally I will have a student help me with extra jobs and I can then put out “questions” that will draw out issues they may be having. I sometimes use the list to speak directly to a student that is having difficulty when they list the “one child” who they do not work well with. If the child’s name is listed in that category more than 5 times, I usually will work directly with that child to discuss reasons that I observe that may be isolating them from the group. This has been tremendously helpful to the student whose behaviour is being noticed by many students as well as by me as I often have told the student for the first time that “that behaviour” is bothering others, interrupting class, or is pushing away friends (negative attention) instead of acquiring more friends. I talk openly with all the students during class meetings using words like “negative attention seeking” and “positive attention”. We discuss the ways to get it from each other and from adults in their lives. This is a tool that all teacher’s would benefit from using, even if only once in a while. I also use something called a “lucky draw ticket”. These are used to reinforce amazing acts of kindness, compassion, assisting a friend, sharing great thoughts, participating during class discussions, being on time to school (for those who struggle to get there), finishing assignments (for those who never are organized or complete things), genuine complements to another, following teacher directions the first time… and the list can be anything to motivate positive behaviour. I never take a ticket away once it is earned and then on Friday’s we select 5 tickets where the students can select something from my “treat bag” (pencils, dollar store toys, small candies, free minutes of computer time etc. When you give students a voice, everyone becomes active in taking responsibility for their classroom and a family atmosphere is established. The first day I tell them that “This is OUR classroom, not mine, and what we say, how we say it and what we do in here will have negative and positive consequences. We have the power to make this a great year and together we can learn together!” It does take time, but it is one of the most valuable things I do in our class. I’m not saying that testing isn’t important but it’s only a piece. No child will truly learn if they don’t feel safe and valued! –

There is a great deal of good stuff in this piece. Yay to this mom for being open to learning math – we need more adults like her!

But: “We don’t care about the damn standardized tests. We only care that you teach our children to be Brave and Kind.”

No. Because taking responsibility for teaching reading and writing and arithmetic only to let it slide in preference to “Brave and kind” is a betrayal of trust. Betrayal is neither brave nor kind.

Actually, in one of Ravitch’s books she talks about schools of education at one time focusing on “teaching peace” at the expense of RR&R. There have also been serious debates about how much, say, science, a teacher needs to know to be able to teach it. These are some of the factors that contributed to the standardized test mess we are in now.

Take children seriously enough to teach them about the worlds in which they live – as the teacher praised in this post clearly does. Take them seriously enough to help them build the tools they need to support themselves in this world. A solid education tempered with courage and kindness will allow them to make the world a better place.

Thanks for sharing an otherwise amazing story.

This is a fascinating method for identifying kids at risk of bullying and isolation. Does the technique have a name? Are other teachers doing this? If someone hasn’t already created a smartphone tool to help any teacher, anywhere, do this — I’d build it free. Can you point me in the right direction to learn more? – thanks

As I read this article it brought tears to my eyes to hear of what this teacher is doing to help her students. I have an 11 year old boy and am so blessed to have always had teachers that go above and beyond to help him not only academically, but socially as well. It has made an enormous difference for him and without these teachers his school experience in all aspects would be different. I am one of those parents that doesn’t care about standardized tests. Educators are with my child 7 hours of each day and there are other things besides learning academics that go on at school and it is essential for teachers and parents to realize this and both do their part for these children. They are our future . Thank you to all educators that go above and beyond for our children.

Just when I was looking for something to share with my staff tomorrow in my “Week at a Glance” – I stumbled across your blog thanks to a parent who took a moment to share with her child’s teacher and me. Love how you captured these reflections in your blog. It’s a team effort to be a “disconnection detective”. An elementary staff of 40 will read your words tomorrow. Well done. ~Amy, elementary principal

I hope that all of the “negateers” (as I call them) hear themselves 🙁 …remember that you wouldn’t be able to write your thoughts on here without a teacher teaching you how to read, write, and know your rights of “freedom of speech”. 🙂

I have been in the classroom 10 years and many of my students call me their “school mom”. It is our job to open their hearts and get them ready for the world…the whole child!!! A child isn’t available for learning unless they are emotionally available. Part of that is creating a safe place to learn! One of my former 7th grade students with a pretty severe math disablity (now in her junior year in college) emailed me just yesterday. She was asking me how I was able to get her through school despite her disability, becasue she is now studying to become a special education teacher. I simply told her that she got herself through…I just made her feel safe. She responded with “Thanks Mom :)” My hat is off to this teacher who is doing her little piece. It takes a village everyone!

Just remember that before you start judging. Sounds to me like some of these comments are coming from people that sadly didn’t have a great experience in school 🙁 Wishing you a better situation for your children! Help them make better memories…Help stop the “Negateers” 🙂

I am fascinated by this concept. I just wonder, however, what she actually does with the information she finds. The article says she gets the children help, but I would really like to know what that help is.
I would really like to know some constructive ways of handling outcasts, bullies, and other children who feel they are different. Other than being kind to them, it is hard to discern exactly how to make the situation better for them.

I was one of those kids who no one wanted to sit next to. Because I was gay? Intelligent? Socially awkward? All of those things or none of those things? I don’t know. But if my teachers had made the classroom a much safer place for me when I was a child I would have had a much happier childhood.

I then became a teacher. I could see some of the kids didn’t fit in. I tried to help. I talked to them. I listened to them. I wish I had been clever enough to have come up with something similar to this. This teacher is a genius for being so open to the plight of all kids in her class.

This piece leaves me with a lump in my throat …

Teachers- you’ve got a million parents behind you whispering together: “We don’t care about the damn standardized tests. We only care that you teach our children to be Brave and Kind. And we thank you. We thank you for saving lives.”
The generic but passionate statement doesn’t hold up to reality. I’m an educator in an area where we have three million+ parents and that statement only holds for a few thousand. It is all about the test scores, the grades, the honors level identification, the enabling, and the yelling and screaming and threatening the teachers, counselors, and administrators when the scores and the grades are not to their liking. Most parents do demand that their kids are educated in academics, not just in social skills. Most of us do enjoy taking part in the child’s character development and seeing growth, but our parents, mostly, want the marks and scores high and the discipline removed. Parents are not the primary person an “at risk” kid talks to. Often times when kids are bullied or sullen or unpopular, the parents are unaware or think “it’s just a phase.” Yet when we try to discuss these delicate situations, we’ve been told by a multitude of families to stay out of their personal lives.

And try to have any kind of career without teaching kids to read and compute. Parents will protest to the superintendent and courts to have the teacher’s job. That is our primary role, isn’t it? If you want us to primarily teach what parents/guardians need to teach, then we will have even more illiterate teens and adults. It’s nearly impossible to find the right balance to please the clientele. Rock and a hard place situation in our line of work.

I was bullied as a child and now I realize if a caring teacher had known about it, I would have done better with my studies. As it was, I was only trying to watch my back and worrying about my problems. Math and my other studies were at the bottom of my priorities for me. I am a fairly intelligent person so I know that if I hadn’t had that to worry about, I would have done better. Kids though need to be taught right from the beginning how to be compassionate and caring as well as how to fit in and to treat people who are different the same. It starts from the home and is carried on in school.

I was a teacher and I have Grand Children and my 14 yr old son is getting ready to go to High School and he can not read.. No one cares .. Push them through and no child left behind.. I took a pay cut to teach in a low come area.. I have seen some of my students and shared with the Grand Mothers and Mothers how it takes both home and teachers.. If you are reading this .. Thank a Teacher cause someone along the line taught you the right way.. Everyone has a thought on the questions that are here and yes you have the right.. Teaching does not quit at 3 or 5pm.. A good teacher is always ready and they work very hard.. and to those who thought it would be a nice job holidays off and week ends.. You chose the wrong profession.. It is the Children that you love all year long and see them fly.. That is a Teacher…

Wow. How did this discussion of a wonderful article and practice of just one teacher get so out of hand? Can we voice our opinions and not resort to shouting and writing profanity??? A child’s self worth needs to begin at home but many students do not have that support at home. Teacher’s are not only teaching the basic curriculum but trying to instill the feelings of self worth that so many students are lacking because SOME parents do not do their job at home teaching these values.
Teachers can’t begin to teach curriculum until they have a trust/bond with the students. The kids must feel like they belong. Since the beginning of time some kids/people are left out for what ever reason. Since the beginning of time there have been bullies, whom we know have lower self esteem than those they bully. That is not the discussion.
This teacher was just sharing a way in which she makes a difference in the lives of those she is teaching daily. Applaud for the reason in which it was given. Will everyone be reached? Perhaps not, but no one will be reached unless we try. Students who believe their teacher cares for them will work hard and try to do their best if expectations are high. They will rise to the “bar”. Yes, I am a teacher for 25+ years. Each day is a challenge and creativity is needed to reach all students.

Both of my parents as well as my step-parents work or have worked in the education system. My mother who is a school counselor uses her own system to make sure that each student that comes into her school receives the best education possible and matches each student with a teacher based on information gathered from previous teachers including any learning disabilities, etc. The teachers are given students because they do well working with students who have those disabilities and it’s not just a classroom filled with a mixture of top performing through low performing students.

This story is inspiring and something that all educators should read. While getting an education is important, helping that student grow as an individual is also important. By doing the small things like this to help identify what’s under the surface is a step in the right direction.

Reposted from a reply to a comment below: Any awareness of the learning sciences should tell one that attention to social and affective (emotional) considerations are necessary for learning to occur. This is not touchy-feely stuff, but evidence-based findings from the learning sciences. Those who write vulgar or disdainful posts here are really just exhibiting a lack of understanding of how the brain/mind works.

I am also a teacher in a school where my students struggle everyday and in all areas of their lives. While I could spend most of my day focusing on math and language, I know that for some of them, this will ALWAYS be a challenge. The reality is that most aren’t at grade level and will probably never be but I know that if I can help them to be kind, considerate, caring individuals, then they will succeed with the social skills that they have.

“We agreed that subjects like math and reading are the least important things that are learned in a classroom.”

Fuck you.

Nice article. Too bad her students can’t read it. Ohm well, reading and math are the least important subjects in school.

Glennon, Your sentence “ALL VIOLENCE BEGINS WITH DISCONNECTION” really struck a chord with me. This problem played a large role in the heartbreaking Virginia Tech tragedy that, as a Hokie on campus that day, still stings my heart – for the Hokies we lost and their loved ones as they continue to forge onward. We need more teachers like this one and parents with similar beliefs. The reach your essay has gotten speaks volumes. I’ve come across so many shares, likes, comments, posts, tweets, and conversations about the points you make. Kudos to your son’s teacher and to you for writing about her clever strategies as she addresses very real problems that need attention in our schools.

About half way through these comments I had to stop reading them because they had degenerated the discussion. This was a great article. It was not written by the teacher, so we have know idea how she used this information other than to keep herself educated as to who in the class may need more encouragement and help from her. Teachers don’t always know how the children in their classes are feeling or interacting with others. This helps HER become a more compassionate teacher and thus will help her students as well.
It was a beautiful article that was ruined by the nitpicking of the people arguing about it.

I’ve seen many comments asking what the teacher did with the information or how she implemented it. We should ask ourselves what WE would do with that information and how WE would help those kids. I’m not a teacher, however, if I used the brilliant methods of Chase’s math teacher, I’d not only place the unrequested kids with the more popular kids and even break the groups down into pairs or trios every now and then. These kids all need to intermingle & get to know each other. If I were a teacher, I’d have my students help each other more, be kind, be understanding of one another’s shortcomings AND strengths. I’d ask parents to write an essay about their child, spotlighting their child’s strengths, hobbies, talents, character strengths and whatever else would give affirmation and uplift them or help others to understand them. When I receive an essay for each and every one of my students, I’d put them all in a box and let the students randomly choose one to read aloud to the class. If the student draws their own essay, they’d draw again. If a parent fails to take the time to write or email me some positive things about their child within 30 days, I would personally write them an email to ask them to please do this for us. Hopefully I’d have 100% participation.
Near the end of the school year, I might even try letting my students randomly draw one classmate’s name and briefly tell the class one or two affirmations about that child.

So, what would YOU do if you were a teacher? How would YOU use the information? Again, in case it gets overlooked, I am NOT a teacher. I’m just brainstorming about what I might do and I’m hoping that some others will toss in some ideas as well.

Awesome. The idea is most practical. Every teacher must follow the content, implement it in their native style and help the students grow with positive thoughts and energies that they transform into caring,loving, responsible citizens building Universal Brotherhood.

Thank you for this excellent article and sharing this amazing teachers idea…I have forwarded it to WWDD: What Would Daniel Do? A foundation in Sandy Hook, CT in memory of first grader, Daniel Barden, a loving, caring child who always reached out to those who were shunned or lonely. It is being read & shared by hundreds and I hope will be by thousands…

I commend this teacher for taking time out of her day to truly sit down and look at her students. As a fellow teacher I too, was bullied in school for my height and am still picked on for being small. I think this is a great opportunity for children to see that we are all alike no matter what. At the beginning of each school year I express how being a bully can hurt others and I show a video called, “Don’t Laugh At Me” the students in my class do not bully as much but as the year goes on it does show its ugly head. I am going to do this beginning this week. It is true it is not our job to teach these values to the children but if we don’t who will?

While I support strategies like the one used by the teacher in the story (unless there is teacher/student deception involved), I would like to point out that the Columbine massacre happened because two very confused and disturbed teenagers had easy access to military grade weaponry and large amounts of ammunition. I highly doubt if compassionate activities by their teachers would have made any difference whatsoever in that situation. Not having access to guns and ammo is what would have saved all of those young lives lost at Columbine, Sandy Hook, and countless other schools. We need to get real about gun control first. We can still encourage compassionate behavior in the classrooms at the same time.

Thank you for the article. I found it interesting. I personally worry not so much about the children interacting with each other, that we can “see”- but what about the lack of face to face connections- Kids are using technology more than ever. They aren’t able to read facial expressions, they can be covert and use technology to “cyber-bully.” There is a lot more teachers have to consider than merely what is on the surface.

Wonderful! I commend this teacher. The ignorant people leaving ignorant comments simply don’t understand that this type of “teaching” is crucial to the social development of young minds. Teaching is so much more than teaching the academics. It is teaching a young mind to be a functioning product of our environment. The story wasn’t about what she did next with the information. The comments posted asking that, should understand that she did not include this in the article. As a teacher myself for 15 years, all I can say is how wonderful it is to know that such educators do exist out there…

I think that several of the comments on here were very sad, yet they show the variety of what this wonderful teacher was trying to STOP. She had a wonderful idea! I hope her replacement will follow her idea. Perhaps she will have a better idea. Anyone who teaches should have a love for children, and try to always find what interest them, their interest can be the beginning of a bright future! With drugs being more important than milk and food for children I pray for teachers who can look into the hearts of children and will make their world better than they endure now

This is wonderful story, but I feel that it is not complete. What does the teach DO with the information that she is collecting. It’s one thing to identify the students who are feeling disconnected. What does she do try to reconnect them? What works? What doesn’t?

Although I no longer have school children in my home (but my daughter has one!), I read this article with absolute amazement and clarity.
This “exercise” that she does should be mandatory in ALL schools, no exceptions.

Glennon is truly a blessing in disguise….let’s make sure that we don’t turn our backs on it as we do other blessings…..this one will definitely make a huge difference in the future of all our up-coming generations!

I appreciate good teachers. Most people look at the face of my grandchild and see a child with Down Syndrome, not her potential. Bless the teacher who, for the past two years, has tried her level best to coax out what was suppressed by former teachers. As family we know this child has a lot going on that most folks will never see because they see her face. She is bright, shy, filled with traits that some say are not possible. A teacher who uses any possible means to coax a child out of a shell is ok with me. With out little one a glint in her eye when she spied a bottle of blue blue nail polish on the teachers desk was what it took. “I will paint your nails if you read with me”. This was to be a session of trying to get Chloe to engage in an activity the teacher felt she was capable of. Instead Miss Chloe raced to the reading circle and read an entire book aloud, a feat we felt she could do. All she needed was encouragement, a teacher who wouldn’t give up on her…….and some blue nail polish.

This isn’t teaching acceptance and weeding out bullies, This is teaching Conformity!!! this is so wrong on so many levels. There are going to be kids that don’t fit in. There are going to kids that are going to focus on things they feel are more important than social status. You know who those people are. Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, Michael Turing, Robert Higgs. The people who are changing the way we see and view the world, the people who are actually trying to help. Many people who act like that are not being bullied, they are just shutting out, and that’s not nessesarily a bad thing. Not all people who are bullied turn into the columbine kids. In fact the columbine kids were not bullied, they were feared. No one talked to them because everyone was afraid of them and were in trouble for threatening kids on multiple occations. Stop trying to make columbine into a learning platform for change, because that’s not what it was.

Oh my goodness, it is truly in our hands teachers!!!
Carol

You are blessed Glennon

1. Thank God you had some big trials in your past.
2. Thank God you had/have the bravery to fight through them.
3. Thank God you have the brains and thoughtfulness to examine them like and X-ray.
4. Thank God you have the grace and willingness to share your insights with us.

Because of all those blessings, YOU Glennon, are a Great Love Ninja Warrior!

Thank you!

Great article!

It’s the responses that concern me. The lack of respect and immaturity shows in several comments. Having taught for 25 years, I know there are problems.Solving ALL problems for kids does not allow them to learn HOW to solve them on their own.

As a child, I was an introvert and made fun of because I was shy, read a lot, wore glasses, etc., etc., etc. I took those lessons in life and changed how I was a part of specific scenarios. Today people laugh when I tell them I was really shy!

There are many reasons why today’s kids are hurting others in ways that didn’t occur when we were kids; but then again maybe they did and there wasn’t enough media to let others know what was happening.

Parents, Families, Friends, and Teachers all need to teach the younger generation how to problem solve in ways that do not destroy others…and then again, maybe they need to teach some of the older generation the same thing.

I will leave this post with a final quote, “We can give a man a fish and feed him for the day, OR we can teach him how to fish and feed him for the rest of his life.”

This is a beautiful story. And to everyone out there throwing around the word bully, you are why so many children today have no backbones. Calling someone an asshole who is acting like an asshole doesn’t make you a bully. Kids picking on each other makes them being kids, not bullies. Bullying is not kids making fun of each other and leaving out another kid because he doesn’t have the cool shoes. That, unfortunately, is humans being humans. It doesn’t always stop when we are no longer children either. Bullying is serious. It’s when you’re constantly picked on and harassed by other children (or another child), possibly leading to violence. It’s definitely more serious than saying I would love to punch you. The official definition as found online “use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.” So many people want to coddle their children and teach them that the world is made of rainbows and butterflies, but the world never stops being mean and ugly and we need to prepare them for this, not get it into their brains that it is bullying and harassment for a child to be made fun of because they got a bad haircut.

Hooray for this teacher! She had the wisdom to know how to make every child feel valued. I wanted my kids to do well in math and science, but I also stressed being kind and compassionate. If you are the very best or the wealthiest, but no one likes you, what do you really have?

Paul thinks that we should not protect kids from being hurt, but teach them to deal with and become part of the “normal” society, where people can “shrug it off”. Unfortunately not everyone can just shrug it off – some people harbour those negative feelings and let it fester and grow into uncontrollable rage. Then they look for a way to lash out, this usually means getting a gun. This is not idle speculation – this is a fact. This is the world we live in.

If we start from now to teach children to connect with each other and not be exclusionary – if everybody does it – then we can change the world into a better place.

This teacher has the right idea.

What an inspirational story! And what an inspirational teacher! Thank you so much for sharing as this is the kind of story that can inspire people to make a difference. I shared this with my readers on my blog at moderndaysinglemom.com

Kristy

Teachers; The front line to our childrens future. Get to know your childrens teachers, be involved with supporting YOUR childs education by volunteering where ever you can. A great education thrives when there is positive involvement from parents, teachers, and students. This teacher is one of the exceptional ones!

For all the people criticizing Paul, Maybe you people should re-read the story. You dont have to agree with what Paul wrote, but this attack on a different opinion is just as bad if not worse than the classroom ostracizing isnt it? Isnt it a possibility that the kid in the classroom lost his friends by a different opinion? Before you can open “your” minds, you must first open “your” hearts.

“A sacred trust”. The words jumped off the page for me.
The teachers I remember most were the kind, positive and honest personalities. After being with them, I felt confident.

I am a fifth grade teacher in Florida. That teacher was brilliant,some students
Need a push to make friends and others a push to include others. Bullying occurs everywhere at school and it is rarely in my view until a parent tells me. I too watch how kids group and try to keep groups fluid. This year I am blessed to have a class that includes everyone. As a victim myself, I always wondered why teachers didn’t see what was going on,but bullies are clever. Be proactive like that teacher !

In a High School class of Journalism, my daughter was the odd gal out. She is a social butterfly most times, but girls sometimes have a way of grouping up away from all others. The teacher allowed the students to pick others in their class to work with on a project in groups of two or four. The class was always uneven and my daughter was excluded each time. She entered the class enthusiastically but as the year wore on things went South. The teacher never assigned kids to work together, they always got to pair off. The teacher saw the problem and told my daughter that she was such a good student that she would get an automatic A for class assignments such as this. (Knock on teacher’s head – “Hello – McFly”)

She always brought home A+ on her work that she didn’t have to do! She finally took a hint and quit the class and joined a different Creative Writing group. This classroom set up will always puzzle me. There are great teachers out there and then there are the CLUELESS ones. :-}

GREAT story! But…you know… teach the math and reading, too.

Paul warnes….. bully already in progress… that’s him alright lol what a loser… he is so off the whole point of the article…. he needs to re read it anf get the right meaning into his thick skull…. oops …. he doesn’t know how does he … hahahahaha

This is disgusting. The lesson is not about ‘who is not popular’ the lesson is about what is an appropriate reaction to normal societal interactions, whether its is playground bullying or being made redundant or just ‘not being popular this week’. In a ‘normal’ society we weep, we get angry, we sulk and we shrug it off. In one society it seems that we take our parent’s guns and start shooting. The issue is with teaching an appropriate response to a real world situation not insulating a child from that situation in the fear that they may go home and raid their grandfather’s gun cabinet.

That is truly beautiful!! These are the kind of teachers we need!!

I am not a teacher just a senior citizen in a small comunity but whenever I see a child I try to do whatever I can to help. To compliment the mother on her care. To smile at the child. To empathasize if the child is having a tantrum. I thank all people everywhere who value our children.

I teach kindergarten in one of the top 25 most dangerous cities in
America. I have a student with leukemia, students who have a parent or both parents in jail. I have a student with 2 lesbian moms. What the general population does not understand is that this is the face of the new America. My kindy’s are allowed to watch horribly violent movies and video games. They don’t know who their fathers are. They need the love at school to let them know there is another way than what they see day in and day out at home. Their parents are doing the best they can. I truly believe that. They love their kids. But there are so many things against them, will it be enough to be successful in the future?

I teach 7th grade ELA. I teach 105 students a day. Teacher’s morale in Texas is low enough in districts where teachers are threatened with their jobs over student’s test scores. I feed some of students, go to funerals of their lost ones, buy their supplies, and listen to their stories. I also get cussed at, flipped, threatened, told off by parents, break up physical fights, and try to over come a generation of kids who not care anything less about school or learning. I am a teacher that cares and will fight for my kids but it should start at home with respect! Respect for themselves and others. No one who has not stepped into a classroom and dealt with real life teaching has no basis to gripe. I love my job and students but until respect is instilled, state test pressures are taken away, and kindness is taught nothing will change for teachers or students.

I find it very sad that this thread disintegrated into blame and finger pointing, what a great example for children! Laughable that a great article, about a creative teacher truly invested in her students, and the best many can do is seize upon an opportunity to vent misguided frustrations.

Truth is there are great teachers, good teachers, marginal teachers and bad teachers. The same holds true for parents, unfortunately.

The fact is children are products of their environment, and mirror behavior that is they see modeled – by teachers, parents, friends, ad nauseam. Some of these posts model …. well enough said.

Let us all be more thoughtful, remember that the internet gave birth to worldwide sharing of thoughts and opinions, and we indeed are modeling with our online conduct.