A few weeks ago, I went into Chase’s class for tutoring.
I’d emailed Chase’s teacher one evening and said, “Chase keeps telling me that this stuff you’re sending home is math – but I’m not sure I believe him. Help, please.” She emailed right back and said, “No problem! I can tutor Chase after school anytime.” And I said, “No, not him. Me. He gets it. Help me.” And that’s how I ended up standing at a chalkboard in an empty fifth grade classroom staring at rows of shapes that Chase’s teacher kept referring to as “numbers.”
I stood a little shakily at the chalkboard while Chase’s teacher sat behind me, perched on her desk, using a soothing voice to try to help me understand the “new way we teach long division.” Luckily for me, I didn’t have to unlearn much because I never really understood the “old way we taught long division.” It took me a solid hour to complete one problem, but l could tell that Chase’s teacher liked me anyway. She used to work with NASA, so obviously we have a whole lot in common.
Afterwards, we sat for a few minutes and talked about teaching children and what a sacred trust and responsibility it is. We agreed that subjects like math and reading are the least important things that are learned in a classroom. We talked about shaping little hearts to become contributors to a larger community – and we discussed our mutual dream that those communities might be made up of individuals who are Kind and Brave above all.
And then she told me this.
Every Friday afternoon Chase’s teacher asks her students to take out a piece of paper and write down the names of four children with whom they’d like to sit the following week. The children know that these requests may or may not be honored. She also asks the students to nominate one student whom they believe has been an exceptional classroom citizen that week. All ballots are privately submitted to her.
And every single Friday afternoon, after the students go home, Chase’s teacher takes out those slips of paper, places them in front of her and studies them. She looks for patterns.
Who is not getting requested by anyone else?
Who doesn’t even know who to request?
Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?
Who had a million friends last week and none this week?
You see, Chase’s teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or “exceptional citizens.” Chase’s teacher is looking for lonely children. She’s looking for children who are struggling to connect with other children. She’s identifying the little ones who are falling through the cracks of the class’s social life. She is discovering whose gifts are going unnoticed by their peers. And she’s pinning down- right away- who’s being bullied and who is doing the bullying.
As a teacher, parent, and lover of all children – I think that this is the most brilliant Love Ninja strategy I have ever encountered. It’s like taking an X-ray of a classroom to see beneath the surface of things and into the hearts of students. It is like mining for gold – the gold being those little ones who need a little help – who need adults to step in and TEACH them how to make friends, how to ask others to play, how to join a group, or how to share their gifts with others. And it’s a bully deterrent because every teacher knows that bullying usually happens outside of her eyeshot – and that often kids being bullied are too intimidated to share. But as she said – the truth comes out on those safe, private, little sheets of paper.
As Chase’s teacher explained this simple, ingenious idea – I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. “How long have you been using this system?” I said.
Ever since Columbine, she said. Every single Friday afternoon since Columbine.
Good Lord.
This brilliant woman watched Columbine knowing that ALL VIOLENCE BEGINS WITH DISCONNECTION. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness. She watched that tragedy KNOWING that children who aren’t being noticed will eventually resort to being noticed by any means necessary.
And so she decided to start fighting violence early and often, and with the world within her reach. What Chase’s teacher is doing when she sits in her empty classroom studying those lists written with shaky 11 year old hands – is SAVING LIVES. I am convinced of it. She is saving lives.
And what this mathematician has learned while using this system is something she really already knew: that everything – even love, even belonging – has a pattern to it. And she finds those patterns through those lists – she breaks the codes of disconnection. And then she gets lonely kids the help they need. It’s math to her. It’s MATH.
All is love- even math. Amazing.
Chase’s teacher retires this year – after decades of saving lives. What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day- and altering the trajectory of our world. 
TEACH ON, WARRIORS. You are the first responders, the front line, the disconnection detectives, and the best and ONLY hope we’ve got for a better world. What you do in those classrooms when no one is watching- it’s our best hope.
Teachers- you’ve got a million parents behind you whispering together: “We don’t care about the damn standardized tests. We only care that you teach our children to be Brave and Kind. And we thank you. We thank you for saving lives.”
Love – All of Us
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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1,994 Comments
Thank you, Glennon! This is a beautiful example of a caring teacher trying to make a real difference in the lives of the children entrusted to her care. I am surprised that so many commenters seem to be missing the point of the article. The teacher and Glennon never said that reading and math are not important. Of course they are important! They just agreed that of all the many things that the teacher is charged with doing – that is the least important. Because you know what? Teaching the subject matter is the easiest part of teaching. There are plenty of people, especially at the middle school, high school and college level, who are masters of their subject area who are NOT good teachers. Why is that? Because effective teachers not only know their ‘stuff’, they are master communicators and facilitators who are able to make real connections with their students and hold their attention long enough to be able to transfer information in a way that will be meaningful and interesting enough to the students so that they are engaged in real learning. That is an art form, my friends, and not everyone is up to the task. Students can’t be engaged in real learning if they are hungry or lonely or sick or angry or in despair. Connecting with those kids and helping them make connections with others in that small community we call a classroom is a huge challenge, but it is critical. Functioning well and being a productive, contributing member of a group is an essential skill we learn ideally first at home in the family and continue to learn and hone those skills in classrooms and on sports teams and in offices and other work settings. This teacher not only knows her ‘stuff’, she knows her students. And she is making a difference in their lives. Down the road they will just use a calculator app to solve the math problems. The real difference is that they will know how to solve PEOPLE problems – and that is a much more valuable skill.
I am so pleased to read your comment. You get it. They can make a huge difference in a life of a student. I only wish more people could realize that teaching the basics is the easy part. Teaching how to get along with each other is the very hard part.
I’ve been an educator for 40 years. I will attest that knowing your student’s hearts builds the trust that is required to help them open up their minds so they can see their own potential. This is true if you’re five, fifty five or one hundred and five. And, to be honest it was just as true in 1976 as it is today. However, the stakes are even higher in our global world today. I also applaud this innovative teacher!
This is such an intense, yet worthwhile, topic for discussion–and action–that the issue deserves ongoing media attention. While I haven’t read through all the hundreds of responses, one question that begs a response is simply ‘Why aren’t the parents being held responsible?’. It is true that teachers are with our children for as many, if not more, waking hours of their young lives. But I feel the reality is that there just aren’t nearly enough teachers who aspire or are capable enough to be this dedicated…and you can’t blame them either. Social dysfunction just wasn’t as prevalent 75 years ago as it is today and it’s a result of our struggle for financial survival and social acceptance. This won’t be a tirade on our philosophy as citizens of a capitalistic, “free” society but, as the NRA preaches, “the bad guys will always get guns”.. So when are we going to hold the cxreators (the parents) of badly-behaved children and the manufacturers of murder-facilitated weapons responsible and accountable and get to the root of the problem? Unless you’ve been a teacher, you really haven’t a clue what it’s like to try to instruct a class when there is such a state of chaos in the majority of classrooms today.
As I read all the comments I am surprised at how far we stray from the point of the story. A story about a teacher who tries to reach and care for her students. As a Mom and an educator any Pearson that reaches out to touch a child is a hero. Too many parents or either out of touch or myopic and don’t see what’s up. Quit disecting the story and cheer the teacher
Parents only care that teachers teach kids to be brave and kind?!? Ugh, no wonder American schools are a joke! That’s a parents job!
That would be great if all parents did this. Unfortunately, due to the need for many parents to work several jobs some parents don’t “have time” to be parents. Unfortunately, too many of our students today are completely without a steady parental influence and are homeless, moving from place to place. Yes, if all students had parents that teach values and morals it would be great. As a teacher of at-risk students for whom much of this is true, I know too many of our kids are entering HIGH SCHOOL without proper moral and civic guidance up until that point. They could care less about education–I not only have to teach them academics; I have to teach them to care about their own learning and be compassionate citizens.
Parents are responsible for that, yes, but very few of them have the opportunity to see how their child interacts in groups of children day after day. Kids who are “nice” at home can be mean at school. Kids who don’t complain at home can be being taunted and harassed at school. I don’t think Glennon said anywhere that parents shouldn’t try, but having teachers who do is a very good thing.
I think this story is inspiring, amazing and unique. For those of you who are looking for a math lesson on current teachings, contact a tutor or teacher. This was clearly about something most teachers do not do in the classroom.I, for one, would be elated if my children’s teachers did this. Why? Because that teacher would is using a tool to sculpt children without them realizing it. It was amazing to me the amount of comments that knocked this approach. Why is it there are always people who look to find the negative instead of seeing the positive. Very sad for those who dwell in the negativity. Chances are the children,of those negative commenters, would love to have a teacher like the one in the story. See the positive people and make changes where negativity thrives. Don’t stomp on good things in life…raise them up! Great story!
I am a school social worker and I LOVE THIS! However, I must point out that after reading Columbine by Dave Cullen, I learned that the shooters were not bullied. One was a sociopath and one was a depressed follower. Perhaps what is also needed in schools and communities is better mental health programs.
I agree with you and this post!! Imagine if the world quit ignoring mental health issues and we addressed those feeling disconnected?? What a wonderful world this could be!
Amen to both of you! Considering the number of suicides in this country is horrendous, especially among teenagers, my guess is that those are the lives that are being saved by a teacher who helps the outcasts feel connected and included.
Has there been a mass shooting anywhere in this country that *hasn’t* been attributed to mental health issues? I’m not saying that trying to provide early intervention socially is worthless – not at all – but I’m not sure it’s going to stop the sociopaths like Eric Harris.
thank you for your love and commitment to our children we need more citizen,on teachers like you around our children, because it takes more than the mediated family to guide,sharp, and educated our young people, to be a responsible and loving generation.I will do my best.
My question is what was done to help the loner or the kid being bullied?
Yes, seems a major hole in the article.
This is a very sweet tribute to a teacher who deserves praise. But there is one part I disagree with. Teachers are not the first responders. Or at least they shouldn’t have to be. We as the parents of these children are the first responders and how we treat and react to our children will have a huge impact on how they feel and how the behave in school. My son was badly bullied in 4th and 5th grades and as I met with the parents of those kids it broke my heart. For almost every one of them it was obvious why they reacted in school as a bully by the relationship that was evident with their parents. Parents, you are the first responders. I give credit to every teacher who sees their students as individual people and teaches with love. A really good teacher can make a big difference in the loves of many children, but a happy, safe and loving home life is more important than anything that happens at school.
you are so right!!! Unfortunately I have witnessed 3 sets of parents that clearly contributed to their child’s behavior…. 1 was even called on it and denied it 🙁 It does start with the parents!!!
I agree! We as parents need to be the first line of defense. A teacher can effect the child’s life within the time that he/she is in it but parent’s have a much greater and longer lasting impact.
I’m still struggling with the Math thing. What’s so hard or wrong about long division? It’s worked for years, always works and once you “get it” never stops to work. My son’s Grade 5 teacher tried to show me the new “bus stop” method during the parent/teacher interviews and confused herself. Time to get back to basics and leave the mumbo-jumbo touchy-feely crap behind. Also, how about having dedicated Math teachers instead of expecting some poor soul who has a degree in Art History to teach Math?
I think you missed the point. Yep, drastically missed the point!
Writing pro-tip #174: When writing a blog, essay, or other document with a single point, don’t begin with two+ paragraphs of detailed, but completely irrelevant information.
Really. after reading how she is trying to make sure all kids
are included and trying to save the world from future attacks like
columbine all you could see is that she is trying to teach a new way
to division. i advise to read it again and if you have a child spend some
time with them and listen. really listen when they talk. praying for you
n
Because the entire point of school is to teach things like long division, so yes, how it is taught is important. It is likely not the teacher’s fault she has to teach it like that, but parents have the right to be concerned.
Wow… After reaing such powerful words and amazing insights, your comment illustrates the challenges educators have. You got so caught up in your own pontification that you missed a sermon seldom witnessed by most.
Thank you to the author for such powerful words. They will be shared with many this day.
That’s a lovely exercise. But what about the math? I was hoping to hear more about this mysterious method of dividing numbers that takes a full hour to complete…
What an awesome way to go an extra mile & to realize you can really make a difference in life . This is truly the American way to make a difference. I applaud you.
The technique of peer evaluations was used in Peace Corps training back in the 1960s. Because the trainees understood what was going on, it was not terribly useful. People would regularly give “false” votes for people who were, for example perhaps more shy or quiet but whom they wanted to encourage as they thought they might make excellent Volunteer contributions abroad.
I agree that a teacher who considers the whole child is looking out for the right things, but how she uses the information gleaned from such the material she gathers would be interesting to know. (I have not read through all the responses, so perhaps this has been touched on)
I agree. Gathering the information is a good start, but learning how she used it is just as important, if not more so.
I don’t know if I can agree with this. Introverts don’t “…need adults to step in and TEACH them how to make friends, how to ask others to play, how to join a group, or how to share their gifts with others.” While the intent is noble, this would have made me much more distant and depressed as a student, thinking even the teacher was saying I had to be more extroverted to fit in.
She doesn’t let the kids know she is doing this. She doesn’t tell them they have to be more extroverted. She just tries to place kids that need it next to kids that will share kindness. She knows how the kids treat each other more clearly this way.
I guess we need to know a bit more about how her seating works, then. Because a sixth-grader is going to figure out that the fix is in if, every week he submits the name of the most popular girl in class to sit next to, and every week, he gets assigned a seat next to someone he didn’t list.
You’d be surprised. I use a similar system in my own classroom and students RARELY choose the prettiest or most popular or even their closest friends. Students who are thriving in a rigorous, but loving, educational environment, take ownership of their learning and make choices that will benefit them academically, not just socially.
Also, from what I got out of this article was that she mixes the seating arrangement up enough I’m sure nobody will notice the system. Seems to me she’s being more observant of their votes. She did state she may or may not grant the wishes of their votes everytime.
Agreed…but what I’m wondering is, how often does she grant the students’ wishes? If a kid never gets seated to the person he listed (my suggestion of the prettiest girl was a flip suggestion…), it’s really not going to take long before that kid realizes that his vote doesn’t matter.
I’m not finding fault with her system — I’m just saying that we don’t know what she does with it, apart from “looking for patterns.”
Is that not what she’s saying? Identify the kids and help them? If you are an introvert, then you would be noticed in this system, and thusly helped by coaxing out of your shell.
She wouldn’t be MAKING you an “extrovert” she would be helping you be an “introvert” with social coping skills.
Ack, your assumption is that there is something that has to be fixed in introverts! Do you think the extroverts need help too? Biased much?
That said, I didn’t get from the article that the teacher was out to “fix” introverted students. She was looking for patterns of relationship amongst students- a different thing altogether.
Stop. She’s not bashing introverts or claiming they need to be fixed. She’s looking for LONELY children. YOU’RE the one making the very unfair assumption that all introverts are lonely toads loathed by their classmates. You’re trolling, now.
Just because you’re an introvert doesn’t mean you lack social coping skills. Just because you’re an extrovert doesn’t mean you have social coping skills.
Agreed! Some extroverts are seeking attention because they have low self-esteem. They don’t care if it’s good attention or bad attention, as long as they are noticed! Some introverts are that way because of low self-esteem as well; but some just have other priorities than being “out in front”…they may just want to concentrate on their studies, or figure out this long division fiasco!
Read this book:
“Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain
I disagree… even with introverts I don’t think it does any harm to round aboutly encourage them to express things . My sister is very much an introvert and she struggles so often with wishing she had the willpower to be more outwardly expressive… if you choose to be quiet and lonely because that’s what you enjoy I don’t think encouraging those students to be more expressive will harm them…as for the introverts (like my sister) who so badly want to be more expressive …I think a system like this is a wonderful stepping stone and possibly life changing.
Shyness (social awkwardness and fear) and introversion are two very different things. It’s easy to lump them together but it’s just as possible to have a shy extrovert as an outgoing introvert.
I don’t think the Teacher would force a introvert to do some thing but maybe help the other children to except the child on the child’s terms and help the introvert be okay with being who they are. Also with support the introverted child might become less introverted with a little helping hand from the teacher. We can not go back for our selves to see if it would have worked but we sure can encourage parents and teachers to do all they can to encourage the best in our(Children, The Future)
I don’t think she’s trying to make the introverts more extroverted, I am very introverted in class room/larger group settings have been my whole life and it was that trait that helped my bullies( I was extensively bullied from primary school right up through University for being the ‘weird, quiet, arty kid’) because I was too scared to be even more of an outcast if I said anything, If any of my teachers had deployed this tactic I think I would look back on my school years with fondness of knowing there was someone there to help keep the bullies at bay and to foster confidence in my abilities rather than having crippling self doubt with my work and have only memories of daily torments for wanting to find out how sound worked and how i could create art with it, etc.
I applaud this teacher for realising that some kids fall through the cracks socially and taking steps to help to some degree stop it.
I learned how to do this in 1976 when I was working on my degree in elementary education at Northern Arizona University.
Creating the right environment for ALL to reach their potential requires selfless acts of leadership. Articles like this reinforces what our generation must do to instill the need to multiply these leaders for future generations to come. All other skills are required but secondary. Excellent article. Thx for sharing.
That was superb. How can we possibly let her retire! Passing on the baton is how. I shall write about this in earnest. It reminds me of the art class I once did when the teacher told us to paint the negative spaces instead of the protagonist. It’s like looking at something insideout and upside down for a whole other perspective. Positive Disruption, Thinking outside the Box, challenging the status quo. All the same concept. Hmmmm…..
Say–I homeschooled my kids. I’ve just launched my third. They are all brave and kind. One teaches kids to swim. One is going to paramedic school. One volunteers at the nursing home. The other two do stuff to help at a Native American reservation. Just wondering why I didn’t need a teacher to help them be brave and kind?
Leave it to a homeschool parent to find the negative in a beautiful story. That demonstrates the social skills of a dead rat.
Perpetual persecution complex and a need to attack the choice they didn’t make, that’s why.
Seriously why would you grumble about teachers without even realizing that you were one yourself?
And what about YOUR social skills. Blab. Geez.
Monica’s message wasn’t negative, Blab. It was positive and beautiful. You might want to check your own social skills; ever hear of a thing called “projection”?
They did have a teacher: you! Not all kids get teachers like that at home. I’m sure glad there are teachers like Chase’s out there for those kids.
This is what I was thinking.
Parents are children’s first teachers… They did need a teacher to teach them to be brave and kind!
Two thoughts… one-it’s a lot easier to see who is being bullied- or ignored-or teased- when it is happening among your own kids, in your own home. If those things began to happen, you could handle them as a parent. This brilliant teacher found a way of finding the clues to those things in a classroom- during a limited number of hours- 5 days a week. It is amazing that you can’t seem to respect that. AND- two- whether you like it or not, when you are homeschooling your kids, YOU ARE the teacher. I am glad that your children have done well. Mine have too, and they were taught in a traditional school setting. I think that how we get to the result of having happy, well-adjusted successful kids is less important than getting there.
Exactly!
Kids in the public schools need teachers like the one in this article. Kids can get so lost in that system. Your kids had a wonderful teacher 🙂
I’m guessing that your 3 to 1 ratio made it easier to see the deficits in YOUR children.
YOU WERE the teacher. Sheesh.
Unfortunately, not all parents teach these things nowadays.
Your negative attitude to an alternate mode of teaching is very unbecoming and unfortunately seems to be the norm with many “homeschoolers”. Homeschooling is a wonderful approach and has many positives, criticism and snobbery of anything but homeschooling is NOT one of those positives. As a “teacher” yourself, one would think that you could appreciate the creative way that this main stream teacher found to love her students. Shame on you for your superiority and short sightedness.
A lot of parents, unfortunately, don’t teach kindness,and bravery to their kids or coping skills. They are too busy trying to keep their kids protected to the point of smothering,and keeping them from coping….you obviously taught your kids coping skills,and such, but many homes that is not happening……so schools have to do what they can, because of lack of parenting going on in many of American homes.
Monica you WERE the teacher !!!!!! For some kids who are in schools 7 hours a day (even more if parents work) , those teachers are important influence . Yes parents need to teach kids be brave and kind, but for some they have less time with their kids than teachers .After homeschooling our kids for 3 years we just put them in public school due to work schedule and let me tell you teachers that care make all the difference !!!!!!!!!
Wow! Thank you for your supportive post Lena! You kids are lucky to have a mom who values public education. All too often people in the public do not see the extra hours, effort and LOVE teachers who care put into their classrooms and students, especially the needy ones. Not all students have loving, caring homes where their caregivers are able to provide for their needs – and sometimes the only other people looking out for these ‘forgotten’ children are their classroom teachers. I think the general public would be shocked if they ever got to truly see or understand the needs in today’s classrooms (not what they were 20 years ago… or even 10), not to mention the horrible things that some people do to their kids (and the behaviour that comes at school as a result).
I have been teaching 4 years and have watched countless teachers go ‘above and beyond’ the call of duty on countless occasions. Even with public bashing of teachers, as a collective group I know we keep going for the kids (other peoples kids to be specific), a fact that all too often alludes the public. I taught in core schools for years, teaching kids of gang members, drug dealers, addicts, and more. As a result of their home lives, we would see behaviour like hitting, punching, blow ups, biting, fights, running away, etc as young as 4 and 5. We dealt with the police and Children’s Aid so frequently that you become desensitized to the worst things. I will never forget the horrible things some of those kids had to deal with in their daily lives. Who do you think they turned to for help? Their teacher – the only adult who they know cares. It is a heavy burden to carry day in and day out; new kids with new issues every year. It is extremely hard to teach when kids can’t learn because of what is going on at home. And then I would have people say things like, “aww, you teach grade 1? that must be nice and easy!”
I don’t complain about the less desirable aspects of my job because I truly love my students, they are ‘my kids’ and always will be! But I do wish more parents and members of the public understood the role of today’s teacher. We wear many hats – counselor, nurse, day mom/dad, protector, supporter, enforcer … oh and yes, educator too.
Thanks again for the support Lena … Parents like you keep us going with your thoughtful encouragement and support! Thank you!
Monica it is probably because your children have a good mom that cares about and nurchures her children. Some children in public schools do not have a good mom, some have a bad mom and some have no mom. your children are very fortunate to have you. These children in this class are very fortunate to have her. It’s probably not the perfect system. No system really is, but is sure beats no effort at all.
I must have missed that paragraph where the author bashed homeschoolers. The sentence that said, “Homeschool kids can’t possibly be brave and kind.” Oops.
Does your homeschooler live in a home with 18 other people, only one or two of whom are related to him by blood or marriage? Is he physically abused, hungry, and developmentally delayed? Does he sleep on a dog bed in the laundry room because there is no other place for him? Does his only pair of shoes have holes in all the seams? No?
People of privilege rarely take a moment to stop and think about those children who do not have loving families to support and guide them as they grow. Children who do not come from strong homes can only benefit from having school workers wrap their arms around them and help them to grow to be brave and kind.
Monica Monica….I am sorry that you are very obviously feeling insecure with your choice to homeschool your children, it shows in your ignorant and small-minded comment. I also hope that when your children are released into the world (if they ever move out of your home) they will know how to deal with all the evil and scary people of the world, otherwise known as…..TEACHERS and PUBLIC SCHOOL KIDS!!!
I also homeschool, and I am very offended that you assume the reason this person sees negative has to do with homeschooling. I have a great respect for the GOOD teachers in the public school system. This story has begun to restore the faith I had lost in the public school. I would be beyond thrilled to have such an amazing teacher for my children. Do not assume that someone homeschools because they feel surperior. You have know idea the amount of work, and patience it takes to homeschool mulitple children. I don’t make assumptions about parents who send their children to school, so I would appreciate the same respect.
This sounds like a positive way to reach all children with whatever bother them on any given day.
How can they learn facts when they feel alone and unprotected?
Their lives need to be affirmed everyday.
Sincerely,
Annette
I’m glad there’s a MATH teacher out there that cares about finding and attempting to stop bullying. She’s doing a great thing there.
What’s got me baffled is WHY DO MATH TEACHERS teach this new long division. It took the parent in the article 1 hour to do 1 problem. We’ve gone through this in our home. The new division “math” they’re teaching in schools is RIDICULOUS. I sucked at math growing up – but was able to EASILY learn OLD DIVISION. When my daughter was in 5th grade they taught this in her school too (new division), and I have to say it was the most confusing pile of you know what I’ve ever seen since college physics.
Then to top it off as soon as she hit 6th grade her math teacher shit-canned the whole “new division” and told them the old simple math that’s worked for thousands of years.
I applaud the teacher for helping to stamp out bullying – but am completely annoyed at her ignorance for helping to confuse the shit out of little minds (and big ones like my own) 🙂
Even more frustrating was this line early on:
We agreed that subjects like math and reading are the least important things that are learned in a classroom.
Um, what? Those are the things we send children to school for. Of course character counts, and I thank teachers like this one that care about the social and emotional well-being of their students. However, if even the teachers consider math and reading to be the least important things, what the hell are we doing?
Yes. That line irritated me, too. Of course giving a safe, nurturing environment should be a top priority…but it isn’t “learned” in a classroom, and it’s not the primary purpose you go to school.
AndyMo, have you spent any time yourself in a public classroom? After working as a field biologist for six years I decided that I didn’t want to pursue a career that involved as much isolation that comes along with working in the field. I decided I could still accomplish some of my same goals as a conservationist by teaching kids. What a surprise I was in for when I began working in a high poverty middle school! What I think that a lot of people don’t realize and what I think is the main problem in American public education today is that kids by and large don’t come to school ready to learn. I found that I spent only about one third of my time teaching the content that I was so passionate to share with my students and about two thirds of my time was consumed by trying to teach children how to interact respectfully, HOW to learn, and how to be decent to each other. Modern American parenting, in my opinion, leaves out many critical values which my parents instilled in me as a child. (Good) Teachers have no choice but to work with children to help them learn these values before they are set free into the wide-world to function (or not) and to contribute (or not) to society. I hate to say it but I think a lot of parents need to start doing their jobs so that teachers can do theirs.
From the same paragraph:
‘Luckily for me, I didn’t have to unlearn much because I never really understood the “old way we taught long division.” ‘
So perhaps she’s never been strong at math to begin with?
Please Keep This In Mind When Reading This, I’m A Teacher Certified In Special Education And General Education And Have Focused On Math With A Master’s And Way Too Many advanced Trainings To Count. The Problem With The “Old Way” Is That Most Kids (And Yes, Adults Too) Learn The Algorithm But Can Not Reason About Division Or Explain Why You Just Bring Down,” For Example. Learning One Strategy Leaves Kids (Or Adults)Unflexible With Numbers, Operations, And Strategie. Kids Simply Learning An Algorithm Is A Waste And Holds Them Back With Future Math. Letting Kids Explore Strategies Is Actually Supported By Research And The Common Core Standards. I WouldBe Shocked If You Realized That The Traditional Addition (Yes, Addition) Algorithm Should Not Be Introduced Until 4Th Grade. Read That Sentence Again. Please Trust That Teachers Are HIGHLY educated And Rely On What Will Help Your Child In The Long Run, Not What Makes Them Poor Mathematicians Or Is Easier For You To Understand.
Awesome teacher, that is so cool! Can you send is to the president, and perhaps to all of the public school systems in our entire country? I’m sure you could do that, this short message could change the face of education in a five minute read. Do it!
I enjoyed your article and agree this teacher is helping to make a difference.
Great article. Although I do find it interesting that the teacher and writing noted that math and reading are the least important subjects in our education system. The teacher the used a mathematical skill, “looking for patterns”, to learn more about her students. As a math teacher I’d never tell my students that one subject is more important that the others. I was shocked when I read that line, which lead me to skim the rest.
As I understood it, the teacher told the mom, not the students, that reading and math aren’t the most important subjects. She said this because helping her students to be their best and to feel loved is more important than how well they do on a written test. I appreciated reading that line, because it’s something I struggle with since both my husband and son have major struggles in both math and reading. I need constant reminders to step back and look at the big picture and not push them so hard.
“I was shocked when I read that line, which lead me to skim the rest.” I fear that you will never have anything as meaningful ever written about you as a teacher.
It’s a shame you didn’t read the whole thing. I think you need to read not again, not just skim it. She didn’t day she told the kids one subject was more important than another. What she said was -> “We agreed that subjects like math and reading are the least important things that are learned in a classroom.” The parent and the teacher were having this conversation privately and when compared to saving a lonely or bullied child, math and reading are not that important.
While I liked the general message of the article, it is definitely a big mistake to say that math and reading are the least important things that kids learn in school. They wouldn’t even be in school if not to learn these skills which are so important in life. Are there other things that are also important? Sure. But it only takes a cursory look at our modern society in order to recognize a dearth of ability to use our own language, and though we “solve for x” in so many day-to-day activities we are, as a whole, not very good at it.
And Mike, when someone voices an opinion of dissent you needn’t feel obligated to insult them.
I think the point is that it really didn’t matter how well the Columbine shooters (or any school shooters) read or did in Algebra…they could have been high honor students, but if they were mentally unstable, lost, depressed, isolated, etc…reading and math doesn’t count for much…
I’m sorry you feel my comment was insulting. But in my youth I was a very introverted shy student and it was thanks to wonderful teachers like this that went beyond the alphabet and arithmetic to teach me true life lessons. For an educator to say they skimmed the article due to taking offence at one comment is far more insulting as a parent.
*offense*
She didn’t say these subjects were unimportant or that they should be de-emphasized. I understood this as saying only that love and kindness trumps everything. Everything. Always has and always will.
Neither of those two things get you out of doing homework.
I think the point was, children who are being persecuted and bullied probably ARE NOT learning much reading and math to begin with. Learning requires safety. Successfully meeting developmental milestones of all types requires basic safety needs being met. School is not a safe zone for some children. It’s not that subjects are not important – but creating a safe environment by teaching compassion is very important.
How cool is this? I’m inspired! I’m going to try this with my 2nd graders today and see what happens! Loved this article!!
Wonderful! Thank you!
I do so love people who read stuff like this and then find a way to make it all about them. “I chose to stay home w/my child. Daycare wasn’t an option. I’m patting my lame ass on the back & bragging about what a great parent I am while I slap single, working parents & their kids that go to daycare in their faces.” If you are raising your children with these beliefs, you are raising a bully. I hope that you are home schooling them so the only people they can bully are their siblings. Daycare provides essential socialization skills. It doesn’t promote bullying. They have very strict rules at most daycare facilities & they have routines. Discipline & routine are something that children crave & the one thing that a lot of kids lack. So who’s going to grow up and be the next “Columbine” kid? Who the hell knows. Hopefully not mine, but I’m guessing daycare ruined her.
Starting in 5th. grade, I was of the ones being bullied & it all began w/ my teacher. I grew up on a small farm w/ older brothers & a neighborhood of boys, so of course I was a “tomboy”. Also, I had had a big growth spurt by 2nd semester, when I & a few others were transferred into her newly added classroom. Anyway, from what I found out many yrs. later, I guess she took exception to my less than “lady like” ways & my too short skirts (that had been bought in the Fall bef. I’d grown several inches). When the other kids realized that all they had to do to get out of any trouble was to blame me & she wouldn’t ever question it, my life became a living nightmare…including frequent paddlings (which never happened before or after w/ any other teacher) & even 1 month w/ my desk out in the hall all by myself, forbidden to talk to anyone. Due to her, since it was a relatively small school, from then on, I became a class scapegoat & pariah which carried on with me until after I finally graduated from H.S. & moved away. From then on, to this day, 47 yrs. later, I’ve also suffered w/ chronic depression & the effects thereof. Yes, teachers can make a huge difference in a child’s life…sure wish I’d had one like the wonderful, caring one in your story!
Although I appreciate the teacher paying attention to the social life of the kids, when I was ready for the real meat of the story, the ARTICLE ENDED with sappy soft focus yummies.
First of all, the emphasis on “saving lives” by looking at slips of paper seems a little forced.
But mainly…. “she gets lonely kids the help they need.” That’s it? HOW? What help does she give them? What does she say to them?
It’s almost as bad as the people who talk about the older “troubled” kids in high school who do “bad” things…. “he needs help”. Well, what help do you suggest? People sometimes think that “getting help” is like going to the doctor… there, you took your antibiotics, now you’re all better. But when people need mental help, real mental help, even elementary school kids, this is not something that can be achieved by just telling a kid how to ask to be included in a playgroup at recess. This is an ongoing thing that needs to be addressed by the parents in conjunction with the teacher, and it can take YEARS.
Daphne’s comment alludes to this: the person who wrote this article is deluded if she thinks that the majority of kids who are working out their issues and learning how to be with other kids, who go through normal struggles, and who get lonely sometimes, and who need some guidance and help, if any of them turn out to be the Columbine type kid. It’s those other kids Dahpne refers to, who might need a referral to a specialist or a psychologist or other outside intervention, those are the ones who might go down a dark road if their issues are left untreated.
To sum up, I feel like the author of the article is misinterpreting a technique by the teacher and turning it into something it’s not.
Mistercharlie,
In the course of a school year, a teacher can do much to intervene and help change the course of a child’s life. During my teaching career, I had those few students who were mentally ill and beyond my help. I had some students who were bright and confident, and easily navigated the world of school. Most of my students were more regular kids, experiencing the ups and downs of successes and failures in their daily lives. Who knows which one of these types of kids turns out to be a killer? The teacher in this article may not have prevented some child from becoming a killer, but she definitely could have been “saving lives” by helping her students to learn compassion and to build self-confidence. I believe it’s the years of not fitting in, of being bullied, and of not feeling worthy that add up to create a disconnection from humanity that can create a killer. For a disaffected child, all it might take to change his or her life is an interested adult who he knows will be in his corner every day of the school year.
At least this teacher is trying to do something. No one person, other then Christ, can save the world. It’s the ones who sit back and do nothing because they figure they can’t fix everything that continue to make the metal health issues hopeless. Maybe this teacher won’t stop anything bad happening later in life……but maybe, just maybe, she will and that time and effort would well be worth it. We each need to do our part, a little piece at a time and it will make a difference, but if we don’t try at all, and think up all the excuses why it won’t work, then….it won’t. Don’t put someone down for trying to make life a little better for those in her contact when you sit back and do nothing. Don’t put her down because she doesn’t change the whole world… she is doing her part in those in her world. If we all took the time and effort in whatever way we thought best, we just all might make a difference. I applaud this teacher and hope others will continue what she is doing. At least, an effort is being made.
Actually Mistercharlie, it is nature and nurture. So, if a certain child that is being alienated was born with the tendency to be cold and disconnected and is also the child not being included, what this teacher did next with the data she collected could make all the difference.
I had a similar reaction… This sounds wonderful! What a great way to collect some data! But what does she DO with the data? Data collection in and of itself is not a solution! How can others replicate the spreading of the love if they don’t know how the love was spread? How does she include the kids who are being left out? How does she recognize the students who are being overlooked by their peers? This article has a great start, but definitely left me wanting more!
My own personal opinion is, no one solution was given because every child and their circumstance is different. It would be impossible to give ‘the solution.’ Most teachers would tailor a plan from the data given, e.g. little Johnny didn’t get picked by anyone as a wanted table partner. One of MANY plans (I’d avoid the word solution, as there is no guarantee it would work), keep on eye on Johnny especially during class/playground and identify if there’s an obvious reason for the alienation, ask him and a few children to stay back in class to help with special project, ask Johnny’s parents if he has play dates… the strategies could go on and on. It’s about building connections. Some children, again for MANY different reasons, find it difficult to establish connections. We can help create opportunities for these ‘at-risk’ children to make a connection through one-on-one (play date), one-to-small group (small project) etc. It’s all about scaffolding how to socialise. This topic could go on and on but I believe the teacher and the author have essentially the right idea. Intervention can make a huge positive impact on a child’s life.
Excellent point. At least she is making a difference in her corner of the world and noticing kids at risk. With that information, she can then formulate a plan of reaching out, via parents, school, counseling office, etc. I applaud this woman’s love of children.
One of the best things I learned – in high school, from a teacher – was that we often fear what/who we don’t know, and that fear causes us to isolate that person/thing/experience from our lives. We students participated (we could opt out, but no one did as I recall) in a similar thing with full knowledge of what was going on. We wrote the name of a person in that class that we didn’t like, a person we really liked, and a person we knew nothing about. Then we were assigned people to sit next to in the next class – all three, so no one was singled out. We asked each other teacher prepared questions. It was one of the ‘light-bulb’ moments in my life that I still use. Just allowing myself to connect personally changes lives.
Every action we take makes a difference in the lives of others, better or worse. A kind word may be all it takes for someone on the edge to face another day with a little more courage, and the day after that and the day after that. A cruel word can just as easily have the adverse effect. Something good or bad may happen with or without you, but I personally try to air on the plus side.
My first year of teaching, I noticed that there was a group of students that was aggressive, always challenging authority, disrespectful, and disruptive. There was another group that wasn’t perfect, but the students were generally respectful and considerate, and when corrected would apologize and change their actions. I couldn’t figure out what the common denominators were for these two groups, as both groups contained both boys and girls, wealthy and low income, Caucasian and minority students. When I mentioned this puzzle to one of the other teachers, she immediately knew which students I was talking about and her reply guided the way my own children (born much later) would be raised. The reply? “Oh, those (the “bad” kids) are the ones that go to daycare.”
I realize that for some it isn’t an option, but I was fortunate enough to have a job which let me be home each day when my children arrived home from school, and I don’t for one minute regret the financial sacrifices we made to have that happen. I have three wonderful, kind, adult children who work to make the world a better place in three completely different ways. If you can stay home and be an active part of your child’s life, please do it, no matter what you have to sacrifice. You are the most important gift you can give your child. And as for teachers….teaching is not just a job, it’s a way of life!
Thank you for your comment. I have a six year old and now a three month old too. I decided that for me it was important to stay at home with my son and have an active role in his upbringing. I did work but I chose to work nights while my husband was home so that we could be there to take care of him. There are lots of times where I get down on myself for not having a career or bringing in much money. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be able to take care of us without my husband and feel bad that I am not more self sufficient. There is such pressure to be career oriented and lots of people look down on stay at home parents as being lazy. I really needed to hear what you said. I do know that what I am doing is important but sometimes I forget that. I’ve always felt that I have made sacrifices to stay at home. As a stay at home parent you give up your own identity in a way, time with other adults, your own personal goals and dreams. People don’t realize these things.
to Horseymomj,
I’m glad you were able to be there for your children after school, but dismayed that you bought the other teacher’s reasoning that those kids were “bad” because they went to daycare. I taught in a school where most parents both worked, if there even were two parents. I could not separate my students into “good” and “bad” groups based on whether they were in daycare. Their behavior and academic performance were influenced more by the value their parents placed on education and being decent human beings. I’m wondering how much success you had with those “bad” students after pigeon-holing and labeling them. In my experience, those methods don’t produce good citizens.
Wow!!! Really!!!! You are going to lob all children who went to daycare into the “naughty kid” basket. Both my boys went to childcare. Both are the most well mannered teenagers you could meet. They do well at school, are respectful to their elders and most importantly kind to their peers. Please don’t judge kids by the fact they go to childcare or not. Kids being in childcare does not mean they are any less loved or supported.
Life takes us all down paths that we didn’t expect. Loving parents happen to kids who are in daycare and those who are not. Good kids happen to parents, whether they are in daycare or not. To sort children this way does everyone a disservice — whether the kids come from working moms and dads who love their children and want the best for them, the stay-at-home moms and dads who feel the same way, the unexpectedly (or not) single parents who have no choice but to work and show love in the best way they can. We ALL want the best for our children and love them. How we do that looks differently for every family. And if we sort them automatically by assumption (daycare kids=bad, stay-at-home-parent kids=good), we forget to see the people and the stories and the kids behind the decisions. This kind of us-vs.-them mentality between moms who work outside the home and those who don’t drives me crazy. For the record, I have experienced all sides of this — stay-at-home mom, working mom, married and unexpectedly divorced. None of the choices are easy and none are all bad, either. Blessings come with each one. Stay-at-home parents are NOT lazy; working parents are NOT selfish or uninvolved. People have to take what life deals them and adjust accordingly. And I am truly happy that you have wonderful children — way to go! Parenting is tough, whatever your circumstances. And how wonderful it is that we are blessed by caring teachers who help us parents along the way!
Some of the worst bullies and most manipulative students I’ve worked with had a parent who stayed home with them. They were the ones who had parents who said “you must be wrong, Sally says she didn’t do it and she doesn’t lie.” They were the ones who were so polite and helpful when an adult was watching, but were the biggest bullies as soon as a back was turned.
Going in with the presumption that one type of parenting is better than another is a huge disservice to the kids.
I am deeply offended by the comment. My husband and I both work, and our children have had sitters and after school “day care”. They are the kindest, sweetest, most helpful children that you will ever meet. To me, it sounds as it you and your coworker labeled those children, and probably treated them as second class citizens compared to the other students.
Very well said! & this lady is a teacher that wrote that comment (“naughty/disrespectful” kids have been daycare kids).. That’s very scary
Oh wow! I’m lost for words at the stupidity of this comment. First of all, it has nothing to do with the original post and secondly, you can’t possibly believe that stay at home moms make a better society? Wow, I really think you need a reality check ms horseymomj. There is just so much more to it than whether a parent stays home or not.
The time you spend with your children is more about quality than quantity. I taught so my son went to daycare and my husband and I did not leave him with sitters or leave him with relatives he went where we went. We made sure we spent quality time with him and he developed a very outgoing personality and never met a stranger. We went everywhere as a family to movies, out to eat, fishing, Mardi Gras, church, to visit friends and family, he and his dad went to school functions with me, and we were always involved in his activities. He would be the first to tell you he had a happy, well adjusted childhood.
horseymomj, are you saying that people who send their kids to daycare are not an active part of their child’s life? Does that mean you think that kids who go to public/private school all day do not have active parents?
I support all parents decisions to stay at home or send their children to daycare. What is right for one family is not right for another. Enough of the Mommy wars…..why do people feel the need to judge everyone else’s decision?
I am a teacher. I taught middle school. But after work, I am a member of my community, and so are my students. I shared their street, grocery store, post office, gas station, etc. I was part of the Little League club, I volunteered at the community “Friday Night Skate” for ten years. What I was teaching were my neighbors! The next generation of my community! And yes, it is my job (as well as all adults in the community) to instill strong community minded values in these kids! It is a proven fact that kids who have community pride, and feel like they are a valued member of their community, are much less destructive. Unfortunately, the admin I had was not of the same mind as I. Did not live in the community, did not feel teachers should have any contact with students outside of the classroom, and life lessons? Oh dear, if it was not something in the district approved curriculum, it was NOT to be discussed. This is what education is about now. It is numbers, test scores, and training up little robots. I miss my students. I miss teaching.
“It is a proven fact that kids who have community pride, and feel like they are a valued member of their community, are much less destructive.”
I disagree. What kind of community? What if the only “community” is their friends?
Fictional example:
Little Timothy hated his parent’s, didn’t go to school, and had mean neighbors, but all of the other children in his neighborhood accepted him. They are his community. He “has community pride”. He “is a valued member of his community” but do you think he’ll be “much less destructive”?
When my daughter was in 6th grade she was not the most popular child but she had a nice group of similar friends. One day a mother (who was also a teacher ) said thaT one of my daughters teachers said that my daughter was a nice girl and hung around a nice group of girls. This mother told me that her daughter didn’t have many friends and asked if I could talk to my daughter and ask her to include her daughter in their group. Long story short, they became best friends through high school and my daughter was the most loyal friend to this girl ever. They went to different colleges but my daughter remained a loyal friend to this girl. After they graduated college, this girl’s new boyfriend broke up with her and my daughter ran to her house at night to console her. When my daughter went through a heartbreak of her own, this girl was too busy hanging out with her college sorority friends to bother consoling my daughter. I ran into this girl’s mother and mentioned my daughter could use an old shoulder to cry on and she never heard from this so called old ‘ best’ friend. My daughter and I learned a sad lesson about people using others when they’re in need but turning their backs when they are called on to be a good friend. People can be pretty mean…but despite this experience, my daughter is one if the sweetest, kindest person (now 23) you could ever meet with a wonderful career as an engineer who spends her spare time volunteering helping others and animals. I’m very proud of the woman she has become despite this experience.
This is also really good. I think it speaks about the real bulk of life and how much there really is to value. I would be willing to wager children are more resilient and more kind when exposed to more of life’s content. Of course i’m referring to quality things like hobbies and activities.
I understand where the middle school teacher is coming from. And her comments tell me that, like most teachers, she is probably overwhelmed. Teachers, at least in Ontario, are expected to be teacher, social worker, parent, advocate, friend, psychologist, and disciplinarian; it’s a pretty tall order to fill! The majority of teachers I know are some of the most dedicated and caring people you could ever wish or hope to meet. They spend countless hours, of their own time, with students, working or taking courses to make them even more effective teachers. At the same time, they are asked to make due with less resources, cope with larger classes, and have seen their salaries frozen and their benefits cut. Is it any wonder that some teachers may be skeptical of those with simple answers and lofty platitudes? Parenting, like teaching, is hard work and blaming one another for our woes serves no one!
Agreed. If everyone could go one full day without pointing their finger the world would be a much better place. Like, do you think the teacher in this article ever thought down on the parents of those who seem the most ungrateful or insensible? I don’t believe so. But what’s to blame for blame? Self-righteousness? Fear? Both? And what’s to blame for the former and latter? How about not worrying about it and instead focusing on the solution.
I agree with you. Yes, it seems abrupt, the middle school teacher’s comment, but I DO believe that her point may be made hastily. I teach middle school is an urban, 75% free or reduced lunch campus, where parent involvement is largely absent. I am the teacher that all the children come to when they are bullied, alone, frightened, suicidal, cutting, taking drugs, planning a fight, being abused, are becoming homeless, etc. etc. I think that parents should “rely” much less than they do on teachers. Yes, we support what is supposedly being taught in the home. Really, though, in my experience, the things we want good citizens to be taught in the home, aren’t. At my school, the “parents” are having to work two or three jobs just to get by. They have their oldest raising the youngest and no one to guide those kids. And there is quite a lot of, “Well, that might be the other kids doing that, but not MY adorable child.” Students are understanding that in a class of 32, they outnumber the teacher. Many times, groups of students completely disregard any redirection, no matter how kind or direct. Teachers, the whole group of us, are becoming burnt out on our jobs–every facet of it that is NOT teaching. We are more than willing to support children. We love them. But loving them isn’t enough. We need to TEACH them. That is our job. Parents should now forget, however, that teachers are the SECOND teachers of children. Second to parents, and far behind them in importance. If we get that support and feel we can teach, then we are energized to walk into that classroom full of broken kids.
I know firsthand that the act of “bullying” someone isn’t necessarily a conscious act. Sometimes it is a reaction to feeling neglected. Whether you are a child or an adult one even somewhere in between, repairing broken hearts can lead to better days for everyone. If you feel left out, your hurt feelings can cause you to pull back and detach in a way that affects another person making them feel as rejected as you did. No one has all the answers, but teaching people to respect and enjoy each other in any situation is a good thing. Solidarity can be beneficial to everyone. Children who are taught to appreciate others when/where they can will reach out to others in any situation making everything a better endeavor. And by extension making a teacher’s job that much easier and more productive.
I love this approach by this teacher. I also love the movie “Freedom Writers”. They both embody what teaching, and school, should be about – learning how to learn. And key to learning is being open to the new and the different – both in learning (or teaching) methods and in those around us.
I agree and disagree with this. I agree that this teacher is doing a marvelous thing, and I agree that she deserves parents’ support. But what if, when a parent saw what this teacher was doing, the parent came up with ways to support the teacher from within her home? Follow up with your child and ask who they sat with that week; teach them how to recognize another child who might be lonely and how to not be afraid to include them. Live your support, rather than whispering it.
I like this. No matter what, I believe the parent has much more power than the teacher.
I actually don’t believe that you don’t care about academic results — you do, and you will, especially, when your child is failing. You’ll be very angry. How do I know this? I’m a teacher. While I can encourage children to be kind and set a good example and reward kindnesses seen, it’s not my job to forge their character or instill their values. And by the time I get them, in middle school, that’s far beyond my reach, in any case. If it’s anyone’s job, it’s yours, mom. Get with it.
How wrong you are. Middle school is the most critical time. I’m guessing you were never the unpopular, socially neglected student? Parents can only do so much when you spend so many hours each day just trapped with your tormentors. And if you are anything like I was, you are far too embarrassed to mention the problem to anyone.
Why wouldn’t you want to help a kid feel safer and happier and included in your classroom? The teachers I had who took this approach (and thank goodness for them) also produced fantastically academic kids. I’m guessing that actually enjoying being in a classroom fosters learning.
This article is endearing and all, but I agree with Conster Em. A teacher can and really should only do so much. This lady was obviously really smart and thoughtful but let’s not let this lean the character forging, value instilling responsibilities towards teachers. I believe ultimately anything someone does is there parent’s fault.
Wow! It is a parent’s job but it is also yours. You are with the child all day, 5 days a week. It is YOUR job to teach, to make sure they are being upheld to a good moral standard. It is YOUR job to make sure they are respectful and kind. It is your job not to just tesch academics, it is your job to teach about kife also. Don’t be so cynical and don’t pass the buck so much.
That’s the attitude! *eyeroll*
As a fellow teacher, I think you sound burned out and like you are ready to change professions. Even in high school there is still so much about their character you can still teach them. I have kept in touch with so many students that were in my class as 9th graders and I know that things I have said and done have changed their outlook and how they relate with the rest of the world. Children cannot rely on one single person to “forge their character or instill their values.” It takes a village to raise a child and when you became a teacher you signed up to be a part of that village. Take some time to reflect, think about the differences you have made in children and maybe you can get re-inspired.
Agreed. I feel, as a teacher of middle school students, myself, that as students pass the threshold of our school doors, they become my children for a few hours. It is my job to do my best to teach them to be good citizens, whether that means passing math, being kind to one another or sometimes just staying for a whole day. I don’t believe that it is my “job” to make them perfect, but if every day I can talk to at least one student who may need an ear or encourage a student who just needs to know they aren’t all bad, maybe then I have helped make a difference. I love the students who have friends and know how to get through a day, but I try to connect more with the students who don’t have the fallbacks after school or who may sit alone at lunch or the new student who doesn’t know who to reach out to. If nothing else, I guide students to making the right decisions, day after day, whether it be in math, language, relationships or life. That is what being a teacher is all about.
As both, a parent and a teacher, I find your response sickening! It’s time to retire for you!!!
Wow. You just took a great post about love and kindness and teachers who are awesome and ya just shit all over it! Humans take care of humans. No excuses. GET WITH IT TEACH.
I am shocked and sadden at your response. We must never give up on our children. AND yes it is our responsibility as teachers to help foster kindness, and to look for those invisible children, the ones that slip through the cracks, the socially awkward.
She said it was least important, not that she didn’t care. Then, who actually has the kid for 8 hrs a day in a social setting? The teacher or the mom? The teacher, besides teaching the basics- which isn’t done because those aren’t on a standardized test, you have to have some sort of control over the class to attempt to teach anything. It’s easier if the kids are able to get along, they learn through working together- patience, taking turns, not getting what they wanted, sharing, learning to figure out why part of that project is important and how to put that to the group, all things a parent can not teach unless they have a herd of kids at home. Elementary age kids look to the teachers to show them how to be a good student citizen. Should the rest fall on parents? Yeah, and a good number of them need to learn that “parent” is a verb and not a title, and not try to be the kids friend…but that is a different soap box. Kids today are not outside playing with neighbors, picking teams, getting in pushing matches- they have every waking minute scheduled or they sit on their duffs in front of a tv or computer screen- the only way they learn to interact with others is at school and from your response, I think you are the one that needs to get with it. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder.
Wow, you must be feeling pretty burned out to have that response to this article. I believe the article stated a lack of concern over the standardized tests, not academic acheivment.
And yes, it is your job to forge character. You do that by having it and being around the children. You can’t abdicate that responsibility, It happens by virtue of proximity and time. You can however do a poor job of it, and I suspect someone who writes “get with it” to the well intentioned author of this piece probably is doing exactly that.
Conster Em, I will say this as gently as possible … I am so thankful that you were never my daughter’s teacher.
Really? Not your job to instill values? I am also a teacher, and I’d like you to answer me one simple question… How do you get children to learn even the simplest of concepts if they don’t first feel safe, secure, and welcomed in their own classroom by both their teacher and their peers? How is that a parent’s responsibility? If you think teaching these values is far beyond your reach by middle school, it sounds like you are already burnt out, and have lost your passion and love of the position of what it really means to be a teacher, and need to either retire, or find a new profession. And no, I’m not some 1st year teacher with some bloated ideal of changing the world. I’ve been doing this for 15 years now, and love it more each year. No, I don’t teach perfect children, I teach special education, self-contained program for students with autism. I have been spit at, hit, cursed at, bit, kicked, had furniture thrown at me, you name it… I’ve seen it. But I am a TEACHER. My JOB is to TEACH. And that is not ever limited to what’s only tested on standardized tests. The end result is that my students can leave school as adults prepared to be contributing members of society. And I feel sorry for your students if you really believe that DOESN’T include teaching character building, morals and values.
Sister on, KIDSTeachLV! It sounds like you became a teacher because you really care. I hope my children have teachers like you. Thanks for all that you do!
I believe it takes a village to raise a child. That said, if there is an opportunity for a teacher to instill a character trait in a child, we take the opportunity. Because family dynamics are so different in today’s society, some parents do not have the skill set to help their children become good citizens. I have seen first hand how one teacher has changed the life of a child because they showed they cared and the child had someone to confide in. Our school for the first time ever, is giving free parenting class. It has made a big difference in what goes on in the classroom. We have to help educate the parents in order to help the children. I believe when teaching becomes a way to get a paycheck and you have lost that compassion to teach the children, then it’s time for a career change. God bless all of our amazing teachers!
I think you are right. This is where “it takes a village to raise a child” comes into play. Everyone has a role and an effect. If parents don’t do what they can to fuel the process by support and/or input, it will become a tedious thing and will eventually come undone. However, if they don’t do their job of raising their child we are all in trouble. Raising one is hard enough, raising thirty is impossible. Parents can’t just dump their kids in school and expect teachers to do it for them.
Wouldn’t want that teacher spending a single minute with our kids. Of course it is part of their job to help parents mold their children. If we cannot rely on teachers for support they are better off home schooled where they will receive such values. Kids spend majority of their early years being mentored/taught by teachers…..should we expect less than what we would instill as parents. This teacher is in the wrong profession and missing the true meaning. I get it, parents always want to see good graded tests/scores but grooming young individual’s for success in this world should be a main focus. I am not a teacher per say but I do take on young kids starting their first jobs. I feel I, in my role have a part in contributing to their introduction to the work force, and help mold them to be productive, motivated and successful in their career aspirations. We are all building our community together and everyone needs to contribute effectively to succeed.
Conster-Em. Like begets like so I will only say this because you wrote it…GET WITH IT YOURSELF. You should be shouting the praises of this incredibly intelligent (hello…NASA scientist!) and kindhearted educator. Your response makes me sick! I think about all the educators that never noticed me – fortunately after school I had some really amazing leaders in my life that made a difference in my life and made me who I am today. My dad has Asperger’s so just having that in our family skewed how I was able to relate to others even though I didn’t have it myself – just by his example. So leaders and teachers make a HUGE difference in children’s life who DO take the time. I ended up marrying a great guy (Stanford grad) and building a great family but it wouldn’t have happened with out great educators and leaders in my life making a difference. Education and Empathy go hand in hand and you have ALOT to learn. I know I gave a tit-for-tat response to your writing “get with it” but honestly, I really do believe that you need to expand your perspective. You CAN make a difference in these kids lives. You REALLY can! It feels like the children are hardened but the harder they are is only the harder they have built of a shell to protect themselves. Loving others ALWAYS makes a difference. ALWAYS. I remember in k-12 only 1 teacher making a difference in my life and treating me special. 1. And it was my favorite year of school and I’ll bet that translates academically. You are right, it is not your job requirements to teach character but the GREATEST OF ALL THESE THINGS IS LOVE – love the unlovely, love the poorly and unparented (don’t reject them!!!), love the under-educated. God is love and if we love God – it is OUR DUTY (not our paid job) to love others.
I am disappointed a teacher….who teaches middle school thinks its not their job to help forge character ….wow …. and by the time they get to middle school its far beyond your reach ..way to give up ..burned out maybe?? As far as forging character it takes us all ….the parents are a base but teachers who have our children for 6 hrs a day absolutely need to help forge character, neighbors help forge a child’s character , babysitters, friends why not teachers ?
I don’t think at ALL that this teachers practices would cause failure n anyway. I believe this kind of well rounded teaching actually helps children thrive in academics and in interpersonal relationships, building better human beings , and stronger communities .
I see your comment is posted hours after everyone initially commented on Conster Em’s post. I just want to let you know that I read Conster Em’s comment and no one had posted a reply. In the time it took for me to write my comment and post, all the comments from other people came in at that time and I was one of the last to post even though there had not been ONE comment to her comment BEFORE I started writing. So none of us were trying to overkill Conster Em’s comment. We were all typing at the same time to Conster Em’s incredibly disrespectful post. But I get what you are saying, just know at the time of all of us posting – we didn’t see one reply to her comment and felt the need to say something.
Sorry – I totally meant this comment for the poster below !! Who said we should ease up on Conster Em’s comment! Sorry to post it on your post! That is what I get for typing on my iPhone! I probably have a ton of typos too!
Maybe we should ease up on this teacher a little. Kids need demanding teachers who are focused solely on the material, too, especially as they get older. They need to learn how to compartmentalize a little because, right or wrong, it’s part of life. As long as they also have teachers who ARE focused on moral development and personal growth, a teacher who isn’t as concerned about their personal lives won’t do any damage. It takes a village, not an army of identical viewpoints.
Hi Elizabeth – I actually accidentally wrote a reply to your comment on the comment above. Sorry! But please do read it!
the trickle down of the younger colony of ants,sheep are mean as shit.most of them 20somethings down to 1st graders:(
When I was in 8th grade (I’m now 38), I had recently moved to a new state/school. I wasn’t really shy, but I was still trying to find my place. I didn’t have a group of friends. I often ate lunch alone. I wouldn’t say I was lonely, but still trying to find where I fit in. One day, my English teacher did a similar exercise – who would we want to be grouped with for a class project and who would we not want to be paired with. A few days later my teacher pulled me aside and told me that this exercise had nothing to do with any upcoming class project, but simply a way for her to see how we were all doing socially / how we were all connecting to each other (I don’t really remember her exact words, but her message was clear). She then told me that I was chosen more than any other student to work with. I was SHOCKED. Not that I thought the kids didn’t like me, but I would have never imagined that they wanted me to be in their group. This 3 minute discussion changed the way I saw myself. It gave me confidence. And I have carried with me, to this day, an understanding that you never really know what people think about you, so there’s no sense in assuming the worst. I’m sure my teacher learned lots more from that little exercise, and likely pulled other kids aside to encourage/help them. I have often wondered why more teachers don’t do this. Don’t get me wrong, I know we already expect way too much from our teachers without compensating them for it. I’m just so thankful for Mrs. Dancy and her willingness to change my life…
Thank you…we teach because we care, above all else, and that often gets overlooked…so thank you for taking the time to notice (solemn head tilt).
It’s funny, I read this article right after one about how the “Do What You Love” movement is doing a disservice to people, that it’s a mantra of the elite. I think the authors of that article are so wrong–but only because they don’t understand the love part. THIS is why it’s important for people to love what they do–or at least have a sense that it is important. Because it is. What you love might not be easy, and it might not pay a lot, but if you can go home every day (or even just some days) knowing you made a difference to somebody in the world, or even just tried to make a difference, I think it makes life a little easier to bear.
Hear hear!
I’m 39 and my name wouldn’t cross anyone’s lips/lists….
Hi Kym!
Kym you could sit next to me – I’d nominate you. 🙂
Kym – this breaks my heart…please know that your name is on my prayer list
Hi, Kym! I’m Kristi. Come get to know me on Twitter, I’m @dampscribbler, I’d love to get to know you! (I’m 47)
I’m so sorry that you feel that way Kym. That must feel lonely. What can I do? What is your story?
Kym,
You are on *my* list. Are you near Washington, DC? I’ll buy the coffee!
I wish I knew you. I’ll be 31 in a month and I feel the same. Always have. That’s how it’s always been. We could start together. 🙂
You’re ALL on my list! I would sit next to any of you and nominate all of you. Breaks my heart to hear stories like yours, Kym.
Kym, you are on my list! Thinking of you in Portland, OR.
Thinking of you all….I wouldn’t have been on that list. In fact my story was told 3 times as we, freshmen in an all girls’ Catholic High School, sat in a circle telling our best memories and worse memories of grade school. I couldn’t even tell my story because they might figure out it happened to me. One reason I became a teacher myself. I know I can’t do everything/save everyone but I try my best always and love my students as my own. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them…
Hi Kym! I’d pick you to be on my team (…if I was ever lucky enough to be team captain…it could happen!) 🙂
Hi, Kym. And hi to everyone on here who responded. You are all beautiful people, responding like that! You’ve brought happiness to this teacher’s soul.
I loved this piece because it gave me more tools to add to my toolbox. I’m totally stealing the strategy. I was one of those elementary children who was verbally abused and shunned at the same time. To this day I’ve no idea why. But it helped shape me in to the kind of teacher who believes that if my heart is on show for each of my students to see, every day, then I’ll touch their hearts. I tell them about how I was treated and why I think it’s so important for them to learn about it. I tell them I was the child who’d never raise her hand because I was petrified of being wrong (all my students, by the second month of school, raise their hands to answer and when called upon will say, “I’m not certain but I’m gonna take a shot at it.” And the whole class beams at them and some whisper encouragements.) Our kiddos need to know the adults in their world have had experiences in life that have shaped them to become the person they are today. It helps them connect with the adults and that fosters trust.
Why are some children singled out to be tortured? Many times it’s an unknown variable (but it certainly has NOTHING to do with daycare) I’ve read numerous articles that have researched this very issue and sometimes, the researchers have found, that it basically comes down to the herd mentality. And it’s our jobs, as adults, to sort the herd and teach our children to recognize each person as a valued member. When I was a student in school, I learned adults would never help me. They’d always turn a blind eye. I learned to not trust adults. So I work VERY HARD to make sure my students feel a trust in me.
I’m not going to brag (much, LOL), but test scores come back every year with nice results. And students come to visit me every year until they graduate from high school. I’ll cry on the day one comes to visit me as an adult, but I’ve only been teaching for twelve years and I teach third grade. Some have told me their year with me was their best year ever. Which makes me sad because my Pollyanna glasses worldview wishes it was every year. But I know part of the reason my former students say that is because they felt it was okay to be themselves. It was safe. And if a child feels safe and feels they’re an individual who matters, not just one of the herd, they’ll want to learn.
Thanks for the article and thank you parents, for working so hard to parent. Teaching and parenting are the two most important jobs out there.
My take away is different than intended. I am guessing that this teacher came to teaching through a quickie program. I graduated from Clarion State University in 1970. I received a Maters from the University of Pittsburgh. In teacher training classes it is routinely taught to do an activity as described, but it is called a sociogram. For 40 years I did such activities. It is a good way to take the pulse of your educational community.
Grad in 1974 and never heard of it. Grad sch grad 1986 and still never heard of it.
You are so right, Dianne. Illinois State University, class of 1975. When I was assigned my after school remediation group this fall, they all came in with a history with each other. I had to do a sociogram before I began working with them. We had to develop an atmosphere of respect, trust and mutual encouragement before I could teach them anything. The sociogram gave me the information I needed to begin.
My child is the one whose name would never get written down (he has Asperger’s and suffers endlessly with the social aspects of school) and I want to thank you for sharing this story. What an absolutely inspiring idea!
My son has Aspergers as well and his name was never written down either. I loved this article and wish more teachers used this approach.
You hit the nail right on.
Thanks for an Amazing post.
As a fellow Math teacher I have the greatest admiration for this teacher (and all teachers everywhere for that matter!) that she exhibits such dedication to make a difference in the life’s of her students. I taught middle school for 6 years and have been teaching part time at a technical school level for the past 4 years. I am praying that I will be blessed to find myself back in a classroom full-time in the near future… teaching is my passion, teaching math is my love, making a difference in my students lifes is my desire.
This is a personal passion. As a mother of 6, I understand the value of an education, but much more so, the value of humility.
Too bad our administrators and those high up can’t see how something like this is so much more important that those stupid test scores! I actually got in “trouble” several times with my administrator because I didn’t starting reading on time; instead I was taking the time to meet my students’ “other” (social/emotional) needs. I used this system too when I taught first grade. It is a real eye opener and breaks your heart some times.
Thank you for knowing the important part of teaching! AND being willing to get into trouble. Not many are willing or able to take that chance anymore. And to challenge admin’s priorities. Do you ever wonder why admin’s kids end up in your room?
What do you do with the children that are loners? How do you respond to them?
The last 2 paragraphs of your writing made me cry. I’m a high school teacher for 16 – 18 year old students. I love my job. I cannot see doing anything else in my life. Thank you for your thoughts. It is an incredible support to know that parents recognize and care for teachers and teaching. I care deeply about my students and reading things like this affirms my caring for kids, and not giving a thought to standardized tests that reduce them to a number. Thank you.
Thank you parents.
Beautiful, wonderful, intelligent idea. Stay positive and teachers. Students need to see it modeled by you, as they will see plenty of negativity modeled by others — as these posts reflect! And, as a teacher, do not fear the Common Core. Treat it like one of your students that is picked on. What can you support and encourage and share with others? I am sure Common Core is not the panacea we want, but it isn’t the anathema, either. It is what we, the teachers, can make of it. So let’s get creative with it! Our students count on us to do so!!
Very sweet. In fact, I’ve actually had to explain to 5ht/6th grade parents how to do the math. But if we have so many parents behind us whispering good things like not caring about test scores & realizing how critical our jobs really are then why won’t people support paying us a little more (I’m not asking for 6 digits!) & respecting us a little more. Where are those whispers or, better yet, those blogs supporting that? My family is struggling because my husband & I are teachers. We’re trying to decide which of us should leave teaching to make more money although neither of us could imagine working in an office. “Making a difference” or “teaching the future” is not helping us make ends meet. It makes me so sad & frustrated.
K,
I’ve been a teacher for 16 years & as a teacher I would like to say that you SO missed the point of this article. Yes, I agree with you about standardized tests, better pay, & the importance of our profession, but this article was SO NOT about teachers. It was about saving the lives of the CHILDREN that we touch everyday so that hopefully we can help prevent some future acts of violence in this country. Please reread this article again. I hope that you & others will benefit from it.
Cathy
True. Article was about the kids and interactions. Common core was not the point of the letter.
Cathy, I don’t know that K missed the point. What I got from her is that in the middle of all this talk about teachers and things they “should” do, she and her husband are both discouraged.
K, I’ve seen very positive comments on/supports for teachers here, but if this isn’t enough for you (granted, it’s not the focus), I can’t help but think there must be ones out there. Have you asked colleagues and friends? Google “blogs for teachers” – who knows? I’m sorry that you are feeling this way, but I understand it. Many, many teachers don’t get enough appreciation or pay. I will say a prayer that you can figure out the best direction for the two of you to go.
Teachers make more than my husband who has a business degree and is working in his field. Our “insurance” (if you can call it that) is crap and he doesn’t get much vacation. And just like with teaching: no one is really hiring in his industry either. It’s the same for many people I know in many other professions as well. But I try to focus on the good parts: his education and passion for numbers makes us use our money better so we can get by on it. We learn to be industrious and figure things out. I think it is great that you both love your jobs.
I learned this technique in the early 60’s when I was a beginning teacher. I don’t remember if it was in a workshop or a class I took. Google Sociogram for an outline and explanation of how it works. I don’t know if you have resources to solve every problem but it sure gives you a view of the community that exists in your classroom. I’m retired now and still miss working with “the kids”.
Very unique way of teaching – I can only hope my grandchildren are lucky enough to have a teacher such as you.
I had the privilege of of knowing such an individual. My brother-in-law who’s untimely death due to cancer, taught gym and coached football and wrestling. He left behind a beautiful wife and two girls and a legacy of all the lives he changed during his time teaching and being a part of others lives. I listened to story after story during his wake and funeral of all the young men’s lives he had changed in his guidance and belief that all persons could be taught to be better and believe in themselves. He never gave up on anyone and I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone or to anyone. He had a strength about him that was ominous and it was an honor to have known him. I want to thank all of those who dedicate their lives to teaching our children and all the lessons they teach that do not involve a book. I for one, recognize their strengths and the trials they face every day. Thank you!!
He sounds like an amazing teacher and person. Sorry we all lost him. The kids he encouraged and strengthened and people whose lives he touched will carry your brother-in-law with them and pass his wisdom and love on to the next generations. I think that is what Chase’s teacher blesses her students with daily.
Sounds like an awesome teacher. Instead, my son had teachers that denied bullying was occurring, responded that they didn’t see it, so they couldn’t address it, and blamed him for the bullying because he was different. Luckily he doesn’t let much bother him, but no teacher ever stood up for him, and some contributedmto the bullying.
Reading your post breaks my heart. My seven year old has been bullied by another seven year old for 7 months now and was even sent to the emergency room. I fought the school system and they denied it and did nothing about it. They would not even let my daughter move to another school. My daughter is sensitive and gets her feelings hurt. She is to nice to stand up for herself and I am so thankful her Nana is paying for her to go to a private school as of last week. I am afraid the only people who can stand up for the children are the parents because I have heard countless stories lately and the school systems seem to be failing at protecting the children of bullying.
I am so, so sorry this happened to you.
While I loved this post, some of the comments really hurt. I teach in a high school. I absolutely care about my students. I also see 150 kids each day. Some folks here have said things like “I wish my kid had a teacher that cared this much, instead of letting them be bullied.” First, if your child was bullied in school, I am so sorry they had to suffer in that way. While I am sure there are times when teachers bear some blame, to put that on their teacher is just not right in most cases. I have 30 kids on average in my classroom. While I am helping one student who is really struggling with the material on one side of the room, I may not hear a whispered insult or poke on the other side of the room. That does not mean I didn’t care, wasn’t paying attention, or am incompetent. I am actually doing my best to help another student who really needs it. I have done other jobs, and teaching is by far the hardest job in my experience. Please don’t assume the worst or criticize a teacher for one bad experience. We are doing the best we can like everyone else.
You are absolutely right, and I appreciate everything you do, though I don’t know you. Whenever something goes wrong, our human knee-jerk reaction is to find someone to blame. Unfortunately, there is usually a combination of issues contributing to the problem rather than just one identifiable cause. It is not fair to pin it all on the teacher. Thank you for being a teacher!
Amy–very well said. I am a HS teacher also, and spend a lot of time walking around my room helping students, and you are right–a poke or a whispered insult can get missed, but it’s not because I’m ignoring it. It’s because I’m helping the student read the paragraph because they can’t read very well, or helping the child who can’t find the answer, or getting a pencil for the student who didn’t bring one today, or reminding the student that they are missing some assignments. I absolutely LOVE my job, but by no means is it easy.
The issue is not that you didn’t see it. The issue is that kids who complain about being bullied are not believed. Or told they somehow brought it on themselves by being “weird” or “not trying to fit in” or, even worse “looking for negative attention.” I understand that a high school teacher with 150 students would have a hard time addressing the social/emotional needs of each of those teens every day. Sam’s daughter is seven, and had been in the same first or second grade classroom, being bullied every day, for the majority of the school year, while her teacher played “Didn’t see it, didn’t happen.” Speaking as a teacher, that is unconscionable.
Teaching children to be brave and kind is the job of the parents, not the teachers. They are to teach education and back up the parents. Not the other way around. Parents need to start being responsible for their children and stop expecting babysitters and teachers do the raising. If your career is that important, don’t have kids unless you’re willing to make them the priority. Good job the teacher is doing but sad she’s the one to have to do it!
Lalia, Well said!
I completely agree with you 100%. It’s the parents’ jobs to teach their children how to be good, responsible, upstanding citizens and it IS the teachers’ responsibility to teach math and reading so they can be productive members of society. Morals and values, ethics – all that stuff is going to come from parents, teachers, etc. but the parents have the kids. Raising their own children is their first job.
While I agree it’s the parents job to teach morals, values and ethics, parents can’t be around all day at school. I may teach my children all the right morals, that doesn’t mean the parent of the kid that sits next to mine has done the same, so I appreciate a teacher who goes above and beyond her job and is conscious of what is going on in their classroom, if for no other reason then to bring it to the attention of the parent that is not in the classroom. I can tell you that I do not have an environment of 15-30 other children at home to teach my children how to act in every situation with every type of personality that may arise. Lalia, I would suspect you are either not a parent or privileged enough to be a stay at home parent, which is fantastic for you, but I have to work and have I make my children my priority. I can’t help but find your comment judgmental and presumptuous of working parents. I think this teacher is amazing for the way she truly cares for these children’s well being in the classroom.
I am a working mother and a teacher and I agree with Laila 100%. I didn’t spend all day with my children, but I made sure that my children knew right from wrong and how others should be treated. I taught them to stand up for those who were mistreated and to do the right thing even if others were not. I taught them that they were responsible for doing their work and following rules and if they broke those rules, there were repercussions. If everyone taught these values at home, school would be a better place. Sadly, many children are not only not taught these lessons, but have parents who model bullying and are abusive, unkind, and disrespectful toward others. Teachers are now expected to teach these lessons along with the rest of the curriculum because many parents “don’t have time”. Well, I taught full time and had several part-time jobs as I raised my children and still managed it. It all has to do with priorities.
Well said. I agree that parents start and continue to build the foundations. Teachers, however, have the opportunity to see your children in a different light and in different situations. Chase’s teacher takes her knowledge of children and those specific children and parlays that into a cooperative learning and working environment that can only make each student stronger. A stronger student, a stronger human, a stronger learner, a stronger citizen, a stronger parent. We need more teachers and parents like these to strengthen our world.
Sorry, I must disagree with this statement. While the parents need to provide the foundation for a child to be kind and brave, most students will not encounter the diversity and social atmosphere of a school at home. A student’s will is tested far more in a school setting than most home settings. Teachers are on the front lines when dealing with situations between and among students — teachers have the change to deal with happenings in real time, rather than dinnertime discussions with parents. Yes, parents set the foundation when a child is young and continue to build that foundation as the child grows, but teachers see far more personal interaction between students than most parents. Parents typically see interactions between siblings, friends, and/or teammates. Teachers see interactions between ALL students.
I do not think for one minute that the author is *expecting* teachers to do the job of the parents. She is illuminating the wonderful way this teacher see’s things that none of us parents would otherwise see — she is being mindful of what is going on within her classroom. She is helping those who might *not* have a perfect support system at home. No parent is perfect. No teacher is perfect. But when we support each other, we can help children always feel connected – and important.
And to be perfectly honest, some people do not have a choice as to whether they can stay at home with their children *or* work outside of the home (a “career”, as you said). Most certainly single parents. It takes a village.
I just want to reply to this with a story.
Last year, my son was being bullied (he was 8). His father and I did not KNOW he was being bullied. He just kept saying he didn’t like school. At his age, I didn’t either.
Then we started getting reports of him getting in trouble for yelling in the bathroom during breaks. Getting into trouble on the play ground for refusing to play with some of the other kids. And lastly, getting in trouble for crying ‘for no reason’.
I’ve always taught him to not resort to violence if someone is pestering him, to say loudly “Please stop touching me!” Or something similar. He was, and he was getting in trouble for doing it.
Had I known he was getting pushed into the stalls in the bathroom and threatened with “head dunks” (swirlies), or having the stall door held closed so he could not get out. Getting tripped on the playground when playing with the other boys, or crying in the classroom because someone said something mean (the last one was ‘You’re stupid, nobody likes you. I bet your parents wish you weren’t born.’) If we had known, if the TEACHER would have been more aware of the situations instead of telling him to stop being a tattle tale, or telling him to go sit down, or be quiet when he is calling for help in the bathroom, the situation would have been stopped or he would have been removed from the school.
Now, we battle with self confidence issues (at age 9!).
The reason we did not know this? It all happened at school. The teacher never reported him talking to her about the issues with the other kids because “She was too busy with the other children.”
I think what this teacher has been doing is wonderful. It is telling her things that she may not see. I wish more teachers did things like this, perhaps then….bullying would stop.
I am so sorry that your son (and your family) were put through this, Cindy. As many teachers here have said, they may not have time for working individually with all students, but if your son asked for help and was ignored and belittled, that’s pathetic. I hope you talked to the principal about this.
I am a stay-at-home mom who volunteers at my kids’ school twice a week, and who works hard to teach my kids to be brave and strong. However, my kids are away from me at school 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. A lot of socializing occurs without me present to “help”, so I am very happy to have teachers that do the “helping” during those times. Please keep this in mind the next time you want to shame parents!
Brava!
Some parents teach bullying in the home. Some parents bully their kids. Some parents work two jobs and don’t get to be there enough for their kids. Children are in school six or more hours a day, and that is where they do most of their interacting with other children, where they have the most opportunity to build good relationships *and* to make mistakes. The parents are not in the school, the teachers are. Plenty of parents are making the very best efforts that they can, some parents are able to invest more time and attention than others, but school is where children are socialized, and parents aren’t in the school, so teachers must be available to do some of the work.
This is all very well and good, but the fact remains that not every kid is going to get the best upbringing. Some will not be taught to be kind. Some will suffer abuse themselves and have no idea how to heal from that. You can say it shouldn’t be like that all you want. People don’t always do what they should. My parents taught me to be kind. Some of my classmates didn’t get the same start in life and school became my personal hell. Is that okay with you? The solution is to just keep telling parents to step up even though we know they all won’t and the kids will suffer for it?
That isn’t solving anything. It only works in a perfect world full of perfect people. I know the impact these sorts of exercises can have on kids because I lived it.
I’m sorry but if you have a child for several hours a day, 9 months of the year, you DO share some of that responsibility with the parent. You have access to those kids to an extent that the parent does not.
you will be remembered and sorely missed
indeed brilliant~ the right reason to be there as a teacher… you will be remembered and sorely missed
This is a beautiful story that lots of teachers could use in their classrooms. I’m not discounting that. What I’d like to know is why anyone would think that using shapes to represent numbers is a good way to teach math, and why, after centuries of using the “old way to teach long division” anyone feels it necessary to try to create a “new way to teach long division.” What’s wrong with the old way? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s ridiculous to change time-proven methods.
Because using symbols introduces people to algebraic thinking before algebra is a topic. There’s no difference between shapes and X and Y and alpha and theta, etc. Also, the only thing the “old way to teach long division” has time-proven is that it creates a very limited understanding of number sense or what students are actually doing when parents teach them that “shortcut.” Please, leave the teaching to the professionals.
“Please, leave the teaching to the professionals.”
No. I will not “leave the teaching to the professionals.” I refuse to be cut out of my children’s education because I don’t have a teaching certificate.
What a ridiculous, condescending statement. I was with you until you proposed that only “professionals” had the right to an opinion.
How are parents supposed to be involved in their child’s education if teachers have that sort of attitude? My daughter is only in first grade and she already has homework http my husband and I don’t understand. She asks us for help and we can’t help her. We are not idiots. We both did very well in school and have advanced degrees. If teachers expect support/respect from us, they need to give us the same. Please check your attitude, Brian.
Well, call me an old dog, but I wonder about the idea of teaching abstract concepts like algebra to kids who are in concrete operations. I appreciate the theory, but applying that to children of that age doesn’t seem rational.
And considering that parents are the first ‘teachers’ of any child, if we don’t grok the material, that kid is on his own except in the classroom, frankly.
My kids are a bit older now and through with elementary school, but there was once two science major parents, teaching their kids the old school way so that they could understand it on a linear level and then did the best that we could with the ‘new math’. Btw, my husband’s undergrad major was physics. He could mentally do calculus, yet we were staring at some of this stuff like wth?
Not just long division. As Mom, I was so frustrated with multiplication and math boxes, that I just whipped out some homemade flash cards with a sharpie and said ‘some things you just have to memorize’. They did, it was clear, and life was good.
And thus my children also learned the meaning of the word ‘iconoclast’…
There is absolutely nothing more wonderful than having a former student say,”You changed my life.” I did not change anything with testing. She said she had no friends, but she knew I loved her and that I believed in her. She is now in school studying to be a teacher. How awesome is that? Oh, the power of courage and kindness!
I have done something similar for years, it really makes all the difference when your classroom becomes a true community. I see a lot of people asking what strategy, or intervention or program she used to remedy these patterns.
Something you may not realize is she is THE TEACHER, that isn’t the yelling kind of caps but the “aahhhhhh” kind. I would also insert glitter and rainbows if I could.
This comes with a lot of power. A student whose talents are being overlooked or isn’t being appreciated only needs a teacher to gush, “Wow, Calvin, that is an amazing …..” to have the other kids suddenly notice that student’s gifts. A student who is lonely being seated next to a student who is really outgoing and accepting instantly feels included. Just being publicly noticed by the teacher can go quite far. Other times students need to be explicitly taught how to interact. My students all know the structure for agreeing and disagreeing respectfully. It wasn’t something they came with, it was something they learned and were expected to use. I have other students who needed to be taught, usually during regular small group time, how to listen or how to ask questions. Not all kids pick up these social cues on their own.
It’s really amazing what a conversation with a misunderstood or lonely kid can do. A lot of times they just need to feel valued.
You may scoff at the simplicity of this method. Having taught in a Title I school with 100% free lunch and 87% learning English for 8 years I can tell you genuine simplicity is the most powerful intervention. My class has very few office referrals and the specials teachers have told me how well the students respect and value each other. Not to say it’s always easy or works every time in all situations. I still have those kids who I do seek out other for help. By others I mean the specials teachers or their former teacher or even the family liaison. By help I mean I go to them and say, “Liam could use a boost and needs to be seen as a leader by his peers could he come…. (insert child’s talent or other appropriate activity that others will see as valuable)?”
Of course there have been a few that did require more intervention and were referred to the psychologist. However, I feel by meeting most of their needs within the classroom it freed the psychologist to focus on those that truly needed intensive help.
As the teacher you have the power to orchestrate a room where students are given the opportunity to shine.
Still not convinced? Think about that teacher that always picked on or singled out that one kid. How did the rest of the class respond? More then likely the rest of the class labeled them as bad or trouble and then treated them as such.
As a teacher I know I have more power then any military. I just choose to arm my minions with love, understanding, acceptance and empathy.
Wonderful!! Thank you for making such a difference in these children’s lives. It seems so simple, but what a dramatic impact you are making!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are so right! Wonderful way to give back to the community -bright, shiny, well adjusted young adults who are accepted and accepting of others. I also love your use of the modern day usage of the word ‘minion’ in a sentence.
Excellent. Thank you for putting it in such very clear terms.
I am going to copy and paste this into the comment section my FB share of the blog post. You have the hardest job in the world and thank you for being so good at it!
Sharing with my son’s school tomorrow. Thank you!! Brilliant!
I’m a teacher and I can tell you this….
1)kudos to this teacher for still being what once made educators great.
2)this will become LESS likely as we march toward Common Core and data and test scores drive 30% (or more) of a teacher’s evaluation/worth. This is not because teachers don’t care; this is because it is what is required of them to survive. I can’t imagine the response I would have gotten if, like the poster above, I’d spent most of my academic day discussing character education issues – particularly if a child’s RTI time wasn’t being addressed.
3)while not the central issue, an hour to do long division is also a result of CC and utterly ridiculous in my opinion.
THANK YOU! Anyone want to know WHY this wonderful teacher is retiring? Very likely because she has to teach this garbage and she knows it is going to be a massive failure! Glennon is clearly an intelligent person. The fact that she needed tutoring for 5th grade DIVISION…not even fractions…is absurd.
I think the sentiment of her Friday ritual is what most teacher dream of being. Someone who makes a difference. Problem is…Common Core is creating more and more anxiety and depression in kids. 🙁
As a teacher, I too would like to hear more about what she does after getting those slips. I completely realize that there’s no one solution and that the best approach depends on the individual child and situation. However, it would still be wonderful to hear her strategies, to give the rest of us teachers some ideas of things to try.
After all, we teach our students math problem-solving strategies, not because one strategy will work in every situation, but because it gives them an arsenal of ideas to try, using their judgement (or even trial and error) to figure out which strategy applies best to a given problem.
Linda, if you come back to check, scroll up just a few responses and read what Daphne had to say. I think you’ll find it helpful.
So eloquently articulated, my goal for each student…accept yourself, accept your classmates, find something to like about everyone.
Im not a teacher but I know as a parent that kids start to be bullies at a young age…my son is in 1st grade and there is also a little girl in his class that no one likes to talk to or sit with at lunch…but he does bc he feels bad for her..I love how the teacher has this set upmfor Fridays I think all schools should and I also believe they should all have a uniform for all schools in the United
What an awesome idea. I teach 4th grade and am going to give this idea a try tomorrow.
Can you please ask this teacher what she does exactly once she notices the trend of those being left out? Do they come up for lunch with the teacher or a lunch group? I’m sure this teacher you speak of has some great ideas but it’s important to not just notice these children but do something to help them. As a middle school teacher I’m interested in what she does! Please ask her and please respond!
There can be no “exactly” for how she responds! If she had one set policy to do each week, then the activity would be meaningless. Each kid will need something different, and only her experience as their observing and loving teacher can guide her to respond. OBVIOUSLY she is doing something to help them, otherwise she wouldn’t even ask.
I think Kelli was just asking for some ideas how to further implement this activity, not challenging whether anything was being done. It’s a little harsh to go after her with the “OBVIOUSLY.” Kelli, thanks for teaching and thanks for wanting to do more for your students!
Kelli, scroll up a bit from her and read Daphne’s comment. 🙂
Also a public school teacher here, and yes, bravery and kindness (and empathy and creativity and acceptance and caring..) and many other life skills not measured by any test are important to me. And they are celebrated in my school. Many teachers choose to teach with hopes of improving kids’ lives. I doubt even one of us chose to teach in order to improve their test scores!
What a beautiful story! My son was diagnosed in first grade with Aspberger’s syndrome. He was what his teacher’s referred to as the hole in the donut – kids all around but never touching him, never coming near. My heart, my soul, my son had no idea how to relate to kids, how to talk to them, how to get them to SEE him. We’re so blessed to have him in an amazing school (shout out to Indianapolis Public Schools!!) where teachers recognize kids who are different and CELEBRATE them, encourage them, and teach the other kids to appreciate kids who aren’t quite like them. Today my son is in 5th grade, has amazing friends (who come from amazing families where they’re being taught love and respect for everyone) and they’re ALL being prepared to go out into this world and love one another. God bless our teachers!!!!!
I want to put your comment on a billboard so everyone can see it! There is great stuff happening in the Indianapolis Public Schools. Thank you for pointing that out!
Erin, we love your son! He has been so kind to a student in my K room. I love that a 5th grader will take the time to spend time with one of our little ones. Your son also has the greatest sense of humor and just makes me laugh. Your daughter is also very special. Love our students and their parents!
I just want to know the name of this wonderful school!
So…good. So, so GOOD. Thanks for sharing.
This brought tears to my eyes.
I was the bullied one, friendless and picked on, all through public school. I survived in part by learning that even if I couldn’t get peers to like me, I could easily get teachers to like me, and teachers were “safe”.
In my early 20s, in Vo-Tech school, I was ostracized by my (younger, more “normal”, not-struggling-single-parent) classmates, but didn’t care because I had a great relationship with the instructor and was a highly motivated, self-driven student in a field that I passionately loved and had a real talent for.
Near the end of the year, the instructor chose three students to represent the class at a professional conference, where we would have a lot of exposure to potential employers. The class immediately exploded when my name was first on the list. “Teacher’s pet” and other name-calling, just like in grade school. Shocked at the unexpected venom from so-called adults, I left the room in tears.
The wise instructor, like the teacher in the story, said “Fine, then. YOU (class) decide who goes. Everyone take a piece of paper and write down the names of the three student who you think have worked the hardest this year, and who will represent your class the best, and who most deserve to go.”
When he tallied up the papers, the list was the same people he had selected, with me at the top. But everyone had had a say, and everyone knew why those people were chosen, a very different “knowing” than when the “teacher” had made the list. Selection by my instructor was suddenly transformed to selection by my peers, and their recognition that although I was different, I was also REALLY good at this class.
If all this teacher does is give a little extra attention and approval to those who are consistently marginalized, then it could make a world of difference. Also, changing seating to break up cliques can make a world of difference. I had one teacher in grade school who used me as a tutor for other “outcasts” who were struggling academically…helped both kids succeed. In high school, a teacher noticed I was being bullied, and moved me to another class that was more focused on study than on social interactions, and I throve even though academically the new class was a year ahead of me. There are so many things a teacher can do. It all starts with noticing.
Starts with Awareness !!! Yes! Great sharing.
Yes on the seating!!! All the classes where I felt safest were the ones in which the teacher selected and rotated seating. I actually talked to kids who would never have spoken to me otherwise and we often found common ground. I had this one teacher who put us all in a circle and made us sit next to different people each class. Such a simple thing and it makes such a huge difference.
My niece graduates this spring and hopes to be teaching 3rd grade, this will be a great tool for her to use…thank you
How did she get them help? The real life saving is what she said to the lonely children. If the article described the solution, the readers would be equipped to save lives also.
I would think this would help her pair the children who are also friendless together – or she may go the route of pairing those friendless children with those that have the most tender hearts and are willing to be their friends, once given the chance to know them.
There’s no ONE THING to say/do to solve this problem! It’s a response to each situation, week by week, as it happens. THIS is why teaching is so hard and brutiful. There’s no “solution” to describe; the activity leads to the solution which is different every minute every hour every day!
Yes, I’m keen to hear that too. Very encouraged by this teacher’s practice, and I’d love to hear what she does next.
My Daughter, Lesli Malone, from Brambleton, VA just sent this to me. What a wonderful story. She also recommended that I go hear you in person when you spoke to women at JMU during the homecoming 2013. My Husband, Dr. Bill Sanders, was a professor of math at JMU for over 30 years retiring in 1998. You really do a wonderful job and I would like to become friends with you over facebook.
This is so wonderful. What an amazing way to start these kids out. As the mom to an autistic son, bullying is in my top 3 fears for him. This is beautiful and I applaud her for her efforts. Thank you for sharing.
“And then she gets lonely kids the help they need”… From whom??
From administrators who are too busy performing evaluations to actually care about the kids? From guidance counselors who don’t exist due to budget cuts?
Wake up people! “Your Town” public schools cares NOT about bravery and kindness…. They care only about standardized test scores and securing federal funding.
Why WHY parents do you “whisper” to one another behind closed doors?? Speak up! Your kids are not being educated… They are being industrialized.
Um, yeah we do. I’m a public school teacher, and we actually care a LOT about bravery and kindness. For a lot of us, those things are the reason we got into teaching in the first place. I teach middle school because three kids at my middle school killed themselves in a year. I want my seventh graders to always know that they have support and someone who will listen, and I want to empower them to become support systems for their peers. (By the way, 99% of my kids are low-income, and they all passed our state standardized test last year. I teach them to read, too.)
Dear N,
Voters, I think, care about test scores. Because that is what you can see and monitor. Teachers in the classroom are there because we care about kids. The students that I teach are lucky enough to come from a stable and in many cases very successful socio-economic home. They matter to me. Three of my students are terribly at risk and every day they come to school is a day I celebrate and encourage them, all while completing resumes, reading Macbeth, and writing research papers. I am so glad to teach with others who care about the kids. My kids pass the state tests and can read and write. Hopefully, if we have all done our jobs-parents and teachers, they will act with their hearts as they go off to college and work. In America we build more prisons than schools. Why, WHY do we do THAT??
Also a public school teacher here, and yes, bravery and kindness (and empathy and creativity and acceptance and caring..) and many other life skills not measured by any test are important to me. And they are celebrated in my school. Many teachers choose to teach with hopes of improving kids’ lives. I doubt even one of us chose to teach in order to improve their test scores!
Geez, I hope you don’t teach reading comprehension. The commenter said that the SCHOOLS do not care. We know the teachers care. (Well, most of us do; the ones throwing around ‘union thugs’ and such nonsense are beyond help and not worth acknowledging.) The rest of us understand that teachers care about the right things, but teachers are not in charge, and that’s exactly the problem. The people who care are not the people who make the decisions–the people in control of school policy are the people we mean when we say “the schools don’t care.”
I have two kids in public school (Indianapolis Public Schools) and they attend a school that focuses on 10 specific principles. They strive to be: Caring, Risk-Takers, Communicators, Thinkers, Open-Minded, Principled, Inquirers, Knowledgeable, Balanced and Reflective. They embraced my special needs son and I’ve seen him thrive like I could never have imagined. His teachers are like members of my family and I trust them implicitly. Oh, and did I mention they’re one of the top rated magnet schools in the country? OUR public school ROCKS!
This is an IB school, right?
Glad to hear that about IPS, since its reputation as a whole isn’t exactly stellar. It does seem like there are more success stories than there used to be. Is this an elementary or middle school?
I think you have it a little backwards. The teachers don’t care about those tests, they are being forced to standardized their teaching to save their jobs. The majority of them HATE it and aren’t even happy teaching anymore and do it solely for the students. I live in the NM, we are ranked 50th in the nation for our public schooling systems (yes the lowest) because our stupid government decided it is more important to standardize curriculum then to teach children and make them interested in learning. It is not the teachers, it is not the counselors, and it’s not the administration it’s the requirements thrown at them by the state.
As an administrator who does evaluations and is the testing coordinator, I can safely say that my principal and I still make time for our students. It’s why we are there. Yes, we care about scores, but more importantly we care about the whole child, EVERY single one of them. Please don’t stand on your soapbox and say that no one has time for the students. Great teachers, staff and administrators MAKE time for them.
From us!
We teachers don’t only care about testing and federal funding. If we did, we could never spend our days with your children. We do it because we want them to know love and bravery despite the pressure from standardized tests and federal funding.
I plan to start asking my students to do this tomorrow. And what will I do when I can identify a lonely child? Love him or her. Love wins against lonely. Any teacher worthy of being called a teacher would know what to do when he or she notices a child is disconnected. You compliment them, praise them for being who they are, remind them that they are worthy of love and others will see it too.
This is kind of what I was thinking…I’m a public school teacher who has recently become a stay at home mom, so now I’m seeing things from the other side of the fence. While I think it’s really admirable of this teacher to teach beyond the textbook and cultivate good character in her students, I think the bigger story that we are missing is that public educators are in a way forced to do this because parents refuse to raise their kids. Instead of instilling good values at home, parents drop their kids at school and expect teachers to do it all. When I was teaching, I spent a good half of my teaching time on discipline, character, getting along with others, etc. I did think it was a valuable use of my time because it had to be done…but how much more teaching would get done if values were instilled at home?? Still, I do applaud this teacher for a wonderful idea and caring enough about her students to put in that much extra time each week. Trust me, pouring over those little slips of paper every Friday night is a lot of extra work!
I am actually very offended by N’s comment! I teach 5 year olds and guess what took up a HUGE portion of our day today?? Learning how to be kind and respectful to others and actually practicing what we said were those types of interactions!
Ask any teacher and they will tell you that testing has been crammed down our throats because of “accountability” from the state and parents. It is not by our own choice that we have come to put so much emphasis on standardized tests.
I love what I do and if the only thing my students truly “learn” from me is that I cared,was their advocate, and that I have helped them to be a kinder person, then I have done my job!
I am not a teacher; however, I have great respect for the profession. I find it appalling that there are so many people in this world – No – let me rephrase – AMERICA that have such animosity towards teachers. I NEVER once met a teacher that did not care about ME as a person or about my future. I have NEVER once met an administrator who didn’t care whether or not I actually experienced success outside of high school. As a parent to three children, I have NEVER once met a teacher who did not care about the well-being and success of my child. N – you are clearly not a teacher as you seem to not have a heart or empathy towards others based on the words that you just wrote. I feel sad for you; sad that you have such as horrible paradigm of education. To the teachers that may read this – YOU are awesome! Keep doing what you are doing <3
JEnn, I think teachers deserve a lot more credit than they get, too, but I find it hard to believe that you have never, ever run into a bad teacher or administrator. Where exactly is this perfect school system? Our daughter attended both Catholic and public schools, and each had teachers who weren’t good. I’m not saying they were the majority, but I am a bit skeptical that you haven’t had one bad experience in what I assume were at least 12 years of schooling for yourself plus however many more for three children.
Does “N” stand for negative Nellie? Dear God! You really know how to rain on a positive parade.
N- I also feel very sad for you. There was obviously a bad experience somewhere in your education, but please do not generalize ALL teachers and administrators as the ones that failed you. Both of my building administrators spend a great deal of their day with the kids. They are in and out of my classroom constantly, talking to the kids, asking what they’re learning, and showing an interest in their lives. In fact, my principal knows the name of every student at the school. She is typically the only one who can get the “at-risk” and “trouble” kids to open up and learn from their actions.
So, N, please don’t speak as if you know anything about the education system today. I’d bet everything I own that if you spent a week in my shoes you’d come out singing a completely different tune. Teaching is wonderful, challenging, sometimes heart-breaking, often neglected, under appreciated, and completely worth it BECAUSE of the lives we ARE able to touch.
To all my fellow educators out there… You’re amazing and special, never let anyone tell you otherwise.
I work in central administration for a school district of 30,000 students. Our district struggles in many ways. I have met a few staff members who have given up and become cynical about our ability to make a difference. However, I have yet to meet anyone in the entire district who does not care, deeply, about helping students achieve their full potential as human beings. The bureaucracy forced on us by state and federal mandates takes far too much of our energy, but that is not what any of us are about.
We have to be aware of the statistics in order to help turn lives around. Every dropout we return to school, every student who graduates after many years of struggle, that child is a victory we celebrate. We agonize over how we perform on tests, not for dollars or acclaim, but to determine what is not working and fix it. Sometimes we become mired in educational theory and forget that simple human kindness is the most profound teacher. What this teacher is doing is far more profound than any fancy curriculum, no matter how well structured.
The true meaning of “No Child Left Behind”. This teacher has truly captured the hearts of many. Hopefully the next generation of TEACHERS, not just “School TEACHERS” but, ALL TEACHERS, continue this form of education. Thank you for all you do. God Bless You.
What an amazing thing to do. Every school schould do this if teachers don’t have time to do this appoint a para to work with the teacher on this. That way if someone is gone the other person knows what’s going on. What a great way to really know your students. I applaud this teacher. Great job!!!!
This is really interesting and great idea, but what does she do with those patterns? It’s great to recognize that they exist, and find such a creative way to get at them, but I assume it takes more than seeing the patterns to fix the problems. I’m really curious to know how she helps those isolated and excluded kids after identifying them.
I was an isolated / excluded / bullied kid, and I got a lot of useless advice from adults on ‘just try to fit in’ or ‘did you try making friends?’ or ‘maybe if you tried not being a target’. Even then, even at 5, 6, 7, 8 I remember thinking ‘yeah, if I knew *how* to do that I *would* have done it already’. I never was violent, for what that’s worth.
I’m guessing she is doing more than just identifying these kids, I wish this post could have given those insights too.
I would guess that this isn’t given because it’s a case-by-case, how do I handle this one, intuitive, observational, subtle response each time. There’s no simple “then I…” that she could offer. As a teacher in tune enough to even have students do this, surely she is then capable of constructing seating arrangements, small groups, etc. to encourage and involve interactions as necessary.
In short: no post can possible give those insights. They must be developed through practice and observation–which is why experienced teachers are so valuable.
Also: the adults who offered you that feedback were misguided and wrong. I would be $1000 or more that this teacher would NEVER say such a thing. Most of us who watch for kids to help and protect are far more sensitive and aware than to offer victim-blaming platitudes like the ones you mentioned. They were at fault for not helping you then, and it’s not the thing effective, loving teachers say now.
LOVED this piece. My only complaint is that I want to know the interventions. How did she integrate the outcasts once she identified them? How did she try to change the thinking & actions of those who bully by social manipulation?
I love this. As a lifelong teacher, I totally get what she’s doing. Like most teachers I have my own share of strategies but I never thought of that. Brilliant! Columbine changed many of us. That day and the loss several months later of one of my students who was bullied totally redirected my life and helped to change my school. Kudos to her and to all teachers who look out for kids…past the tests, past Common Core. Connection is everything. I know. I’ve tried for over 8 years to get schools to see the importance of those lessons. And thank you to parents who support teachers like her.
Glennon,
I might have cried. Even before the mention of Columbine. Can this piece please go viral??? To all the state governments and people in suits who couldn’t last thirty minutes in a classroom. 🙂 They’re changing standards, and rules, and testing requirements month to month and day to day. It’s exhausting and life shouldn’t rest on a test. Or two. Or twenty. Yes, we want all kids to be able to read and do math and be kind and brave and see those beautiful tomorrows. We just haven’t found the best way yet. Thanks for this!
Chills, I got chills reading this!!! Wish I’d had teachers like this growing up.
I totally understand how you felt standing in front of that class and not understanding how to do the problem myself. I use to substitute and always prayed i would’nt be sent to a class past third grade, because they teach things so differently now. I agree with you this teacher is very thoughtful of her students. I wish all teachers would take the time to do this.
I am starting in a new classroom on Monday and this is something I am going to try.
This is amazing! How great if she could share this system with teachers across the world.
Love this so much!
My very lonely now 16 year old could use someone like this in his life. Once in HS, I am completely out of the picture. Teachers find it almost offensive that I request a meeting with them. I pray and hope my sweet, kind, loving son survives HS without to many scars.
Virginia,
I am a high school teacher, and I absolutely love when my parents want to meet to talk about their child. It allows me to work better with the child, especially if the child is a loner. Parents give me so much insight into their children that it makes it easier for me to work with and connect with the kid. I rarely have parents who want to meet with me or even talk with me on the phone. I’d love to have a parent like you in my classroom.
Wow. Brilliant idea! Wish my son’s teacher in elementary school had done this. He was bullied for two years while in her class. It is not something to ignore!
Perfectly said!
Cathy,
I have to say that when I read your comment about this article being the stupidest thing you’d ever read about education I was at first quite angry. But after thinking about it for a few minutes I became decidedly sorry for you. That you could read this article and come away feeling that it was stupid says to me that you are sadly out of touch with what is happening in schools today. The reality is that children are being bullied to the point of violence like we saw with Columbine and countless other school shootings. If there had been away to identify those two boys as children who were being bullied and to intervene on their behalf and likely change their trajectory how could you possibly see that as something stupid?? It takes a cold heart to think that way, ma’am and I will continue to hope that you re-read that article and that your heart is able to thaw enough to see the incredible value of what this teacher has been doing. I daresay that this should be a priority in all schools.
As a retired middle school teacher, I applaud your efforts. I often told myself that if my students learned nothing else in my classroom ,they would learn that it was a safe haven where no question was stupid or go unanswered, where every blank on a test paper was ok even if it said, “Hi Mrs. F.”. We need more teachers like you. Our greatest responsibility is to help raise caring, thinking, reasonable, honest and valued students. You did that and your efforts will be sorely missed. Good job! Thank you for being you.
Wow. tears in my eyes. Thank you for this. Wow.
Let’s not let perfect be the destroyer of good or better. This is a brilliant idea. Does it solve everything? Does it heal every wound? Heavens no. But this is a woman who engaged, and that’s more than most of us do.
The person who never attempts anything because they don’t have a perfect plan will never accomplish anything either.
Of all of the commandments, Christ said the greatest of them is LOVE. We live in such an infantile, combative and self-destructive society now. Reach out to someone. Change their life.
I got chills reading this. My oldest is 3 years old and I already have such anxiety about her starting school and entering this world where she could so easily fall through the cracks. Or where she could be the “queen bee” pushing someone else through them (it remains to be seen where she would land). I do my best to teach her character lessons, but recognize that once she starts school, she’s spending her days without me. What a relief it would be to know that someone else was there looking out for her, reinforcing those “be kind and brave” lessons.
I have a feeling the fact that you are looking out for these things will assure that she will do just fine. Good for you for knowing that either end of that spectrum has its aches and pains. You caring concern is something that she will learn just by being yours. 🙂
I think, like any commentary, misses some stuff. But she is talking about one very specific, very critical piece of what public education is all about…all the way back to when Thomas Jefferson made sure our new country included education……and that is creating community. Raising an educated and engaged citizenry. It is, and was never about just math or reading or science. It was educating people to THINK. To communicate. To BUILD. To SOLVE. To CREATE. Thus ensuring the future of our democracy. And it all starts with a teacher teaching kids how to be members of a community. Which is what we spend our whole life doing. Being members of our communities….our families, our neighborhoods, our churches, our schools. Our teams. Our colleges, our workplaces. Our cities, our nations, our WORLD. It all starts way back there in our homes and classrooms. That’s what I hear Glennon celebrating.
An hour for one problem involving shape-numbers…sounds like Common Core to me. The education cancer. Everyone seems to not understand how horrible it is.
What insightful, meaningful commentary on the topic, Mike. You nailed it. Or something.
Exactly.
What this post wonderfully articulates is a way to determine the strugglers, the lonely individuals, the bullies, the ones needing the extra help, etc. The frustrating reality for many of us is we already have ways and know who those students are; we are with them for 180 days, after all. They are our family. We see the sad eyes, the lonely stare, the evil stare, the snicker, ……
….but I think the golden-ticket that so many of us want to know….HOW did the teacher then worked the magic wand to fix the lonely child, to fix the student getting picked on, to fix the bully from doing it again, to fix the mean-spirited ‘popular’ crowd….? That magic wand and magic recipe eludes so many of us.
The job of determining WHO the bullies, picked-on, mean ones, etc are is the easy part, and this is a creative way to determine that.
The true “saving lives” comes from fixing the problems. I was hoping to find that magic wand in the post. 🙁
Is there a possible follow-up of what the teacher did in the classroom to fix the problems?
Yes! As a teacher I want to know what’s next… What did she do when she found a pattern?!
Character education is so important. But please don’t conflate social isolation and sociopathy. Anyone who’s read the excellent book Columbine knows that had NOTHING to do with social isolation. The media story that they were loners was not accurate, and the real issue was the dangerous combination of a sociopath and a depressive.
Also– children can be introverted or shy without any pathology that leads to violence. This is almost always the case.
But I do love this because it is a caring practice and we could certainly use more of that in this world.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and clarity.
Yes, thank you. I tried to point that out elsewhere. Other than the fallacy of the massacre being the result of bullying, this is a great idea.
I was going to point out the same flaw but you did it better than I could have.
Yes, thank you.
My sentiments exactly!