A few weeks ago, I went into Chase’s class for tutoring.
I’d emailed Chase’s teacher one evening and said, “Chase keeps telling me that this stuff you’re sending home is math – but I’m not sure I believe him. Help, please.” She emailed right back and said, “No problem! I can tutor Chase after school anytime.” And I said, “No, not him. Me. He gets it. Help me.” And that’s how I ended up standing at a chalkboard in an empty fifth grade classroom staring at rows of shapes that Chase’s teacher kept referring to as “numbers.”
I stood a little shakily at the chalkboard while Chase’s teacher sat behind me, perched on her desk, using a soothing voice to try to help me understand the “new way we teach long division.” Luckily for me, I didn’t have to unlearn much because I never really understood the “old way we taught long division.” It took me a solid hour to complete one problem, but l could tell that Chase’s teacher liked me anyway. She used to work with NASA, so obviously we have a whole lot in common.
Afterwards, we sat for a few minutes and talked about teaching children and what a sacred trust and responsibility it is. We agreed that subjects like math and reading are the least important things that are learned in a classroom. We talked about shaping little hearts to become contributors to a larger community – and we discussed our mutual dream that those communities might be made up of individuals who are Kind and Brave above all.
And then she told me this.
Every Friday afternoon Chase’s teacher asks her students to take out a piece of paper and write down the names of four children with whom they’d like to sit the following week. The children know that these requests may or may not be honored. She also asks the students to nominate one student whom they believe has been an exceptional classroom citizen that week. All ballots are privately submitted to her.
And every single Friday afternoon, after the students go home, Chase’s teacher takes out those slips of paper, places them in front of her and studies them. She looks for patterns.
Who is not getting requested by anyone else?
Who doesn’t even know who to request?
Who never gets noticed enough to be nominated?
Who had a million friends last week and none this week?
You see, Chase’s teacher is not looking for a new seating chart or “exceptional citizens.” Chase’s teacher is looking for lonely children. She’s looking for children who are struggling to connect with other children. She’s identifying the little ones who are falling through the cracks of the class’s social life. She is discovering whose gifts are going unnoticed by their peers. And she’s pinning down- right away- who’s being bullied and who is doing the bullying.
As a teacher, parent, and lover of all children – I think that this is the most brilliant Love Ninja strategy I have ever encountered. It’s like taking an X-ray of a classroom to see beneath the surface of things and into the hearts of students. It is like mining for gold – the gold being those little ones who need a little help – who need adults to step in and TEACH them how to make friends, how to ask others to play, how to join a group, or how to share their gifts with others. And it’s a bully deterrent because every teacher knows that bullying usually happens outside of her eyeshot – and that often kids being bullied are too intimidated to share. But as she said – the truth comes out on those safe, private, little sheets of paper.
As Chase’s teacher explained this simple, ingenious idea – I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. “How long have you been using this system?” I said.
Ever since Columbine, she said. Every single Friday afternoon since Columbine.
Good Lord.
This brilliant woman watched Columbine knowing that ALL VIOLENCE BEGINS WITH DISCONNECTION. All outward violence begins as inner loneliness. She watched that tragedy KNOWING that children who aren’t being noticed will eventually resort to being noticed by any means necessary.
And so she decided to start fighting violence early and often, and with the world within her reach. What Chase’s teacher is doing when she sits in her empty classroom studying those lists written with shaky 11 year old hands – is SAVING LIVES. I am convinced of it. She is saving lives.
And what this mathematician has learned while using this system is something she really already knew: that everything – even love, even belonging – has a pattern to it. And she finds those patterns through those lists – she breaks the codes of disconnection. And then she gets lonely kids the help they need. It’s math to her. It’s MATH.
All is love- even math. Amazing.
Chase’s teacher retires this year – after decades of saving lives. What a way to spend a life: looking for patterns of love and loneliness. Stepping in, every single day- and altering the trajectory of our world. 
TEACH ON, WARRIORS. You are the first responders, the front line, the disconnection detectives, and the best and ONLY hope we’ve got for a better world. What you do in those classrooms when no one is watching- it’s our best hope.
Teachers- you’ve got a million parents behind you whispering together: “We don’t care about the damn standardized tests. We only care that you teach our children to be Brave and Kind. And we thank you. We thank you for saving lives.”
Love – All of Us
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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1,994 Comments
I mostly agree and greatly agree with this scientific approach to identifying anti-social behavior and poor social development. I can’t understand why this is the exception, except for most school administrators aren’t any better at basic math than this author. However, this doesn’t change the fact that long division using shapes is a pathetic dumbing down of education. You can’t eat love and kindness. You need to learn math and reading. I happen to know people who made it already through school without knowing how to read or write above a 3rd grade level and cannot support themselves. Poor education is murdering potential to the tune of millions of semi-literate, semi-employed adults. Somehow they survived the social situation, though I am sure there is some interaction. Finally, bullying isn’t just about disconnection… it’s about acting out abusive relationships in the home.
Love this article…so true about what is really important. What I want to know is this: HOW did she help the lonely kids connect once they were identified????
Love > Test = Caring. Sharing + Love = Thank you!
My mouth is still hanging open. As a grandmother of 7, I read articles like this and wish my two grown children had known teachers like this remarkable one when they were in school. Please tell this angel of education – thank you.
I love this so very much. It reminds me of my 5th grade teacher who did very similar things….including moving our desks every week. You never knew where you’d be come Monday morning. This was pre-Columbine, but still same type of thing. Teachers saving lives, caring and above all making kids feel like someone sees them. I have long since wished I could talk to my teacher again, but we were his last year teaching because he had ALS.
this is why my organization works at the public policy level to encourage schools to change disciplinary policies that use suspensions and expulsions for non-violent offenses—those methods of discipline only deepen a student’s disengagement, disenchantment, and disconnection. Those methods of discipline merely fuel the already hurting/angry student that nobody really cares about them—they are not worth the trouble. To all professions who help children grow well, my salute and thanks.
I am holding back tears at my desk right now. What an angel this woman is. I just told my son’s 3rd grade teacher that I fully expected her to follow him through at least his freshman year in high school. She’s that good. She has the kind of heart that Chase’s teacher does. She gets it (gets my kid, who was previously ‘ungettable’ by others). It is so unbelievably important and appreciated. Every. Little. Bit.
Amazing. May all our children be taught by such perceptive teachers.
“Honey- I’m not sure that ‘homeschooling’ and ‘taking the kids out of school for an afternoon, going to the beach and yelling “WAVES ARE LIKE, TOTALLY SCIENCE!” at them while they swim are the same thing.’” I am a homeschooling mom of 4, and I can tell you that this is not what homeschooling is.
On another note, this teacher sounds like she is truly making a difference in the lives of children. I applaud her. However, parents are the ones who should be teaching their children to be “Brave and Kind”; parents should be “the first responders, the front line, the disconnection detectives, and the best and ONLY hope we’ve got for a better world.” Where are the parents? Why should this responsibility be laid upon the school room teacher? When did the parent stop being the teacher of the little hearts that were given to her/him? Because now the responsibility has been given to the government to mold the hearts of our children and that is a slippery slope.
I agree. I’m thankful there are teachers out there like this, but I cannot surrender my kids to the school system in hopes they get a teacher like this (for one year of their entire school careers??). No one loves our kids the way we do, and I’m glad to step up to teach them the most important things!
Who says that we can’t expect teachers and parents both to behave this way? Dear lord! I expect my children’s teachers to behave as first responders, the front line and the disconnection detectives…just as I expect this of myself as a parent. If you believe that every teacher is in cahoots with the Government, you likely have not met many teachers. Any person who is charged with caring for a child has incredible responsibilities upon them, and if that person expects that only the parents can guide that child into being an upstanding, productive, and caring member of society…then that is what is wrong with our society today. Leslie, while parents should be teaching their kids important life lessons, so should every other adult that cares for them.
While that is obviously ideal…have you seen some of the parents out there? Also, even the most involved, wonderful parents can be raising a bully without even knowing it. Kids want nothing more than to be “cool” and accepted, and, unfortunately, sometimes this means putting others down, ignoring others…or worse. How many parents out there tell teachers “my kids would never do that?” All this teacher is doing is looking for patterns and noticing those little things. Things your kids would never tell you about no matter how detailed their descriptions of their days are.
This is exactly it-so many kids who were once awesome and caring and all-inclusive, have caved under peer pressure. They follow the leader for fear of being ostracized, too. That is not the failing of the parent. The parent may not even know.
And I say this, not as a parent of one of those kids, I say this as a parent of a child who was completely shunned from her group of 5 friends because ONE person decided she was uncool and no one should talk to her in the 7th grade. ONE. When I saw one of the parents of one of the other kids at an assembly, she came up to me with a bright smile and all cheery. Her face fell slightly because I could tell I did a terrible job hiding my anger. When I let her know what happened between my child and hers, she was shocked and mortified. She is not a hands off parent: she is one who is in on her child’s life and on top of everything. There was always a reason why our children could not hang out and she said they all seemed feasible: concerts, visiting her father, having volunteer opportunities, etc. So it was not surprising. As it is, they barely hung out outside of school but once every other month. But the reasons were lies and the truth is my child ate lunch in the bathroom for 2 months because she was the subject of such anger and ridicule at lunch she couldn’t bare to even enter the lunch room.
And in the same vein *I* had no idea until a teacher stumbled upon her sitting in a stall one day. There were no outward signs and nothing pointing to a problem, and we are incredibly close and she tells me everything. In the end, she confided she was embarrassed, and was fine just doing what she did.
I am not saying this is the case for all the kids who did this, not at all, but it is certainly is not true, either, that all kids who do these sorts of things have parents are not hands on. You can be all up in your child’s life from the moment they are born, but ultimately, they will make their own decisions, right and wrong. We just have to give them the tools and hope for the best.
Teachers spend WAY more time with our kids when they are out in the “world” than we can as parents. It’s not about turning parenting over to the government (?!?). It’s about appreciating all the things that teachers can do to support what we’re doing at home or the ways they can help make up for our deficits. It takes a village to raise kids and teachers are a big part of that village.
You are absolutely right. Parents should be teaching their children to be kind and brave. However, homeschooling is not a good option for every family, such as mine. My children live 7 hours a day in an alternate universe called school. I do not see or know what happens there, and they do not choose to give me a minute by minute account of what goes on there. IF ONLY my younger son’s teachers had paid attention like this teacher, he could have possibly been spared some serious pain in his early years. Instead, I was the one showing the teacher the bruise my son got on the playground she was supposedly supervising. I was the one telling the teacher the names my son had been called after she had given clear instructions that parents weren’t welcome in her classroom.
Some parents do teach their children to share, care, and be fair but if the child doesn’t tell their mom or dad what happened at school, then how can it be corrected? I know we are asking a lot of a teacher to not only teach facts but to watch, see what is happening between children in the class, in the play ground and in the lunch room, and then to figure out how to correct the behavior. But someone needs to and if we send our kids to school, seems we could hope there would be someone on hand to watch, volunteers maybe.
Leslie, I do hope you realize that Glennon was using satire about the beach and science to make the point that she wasn’t cut out for home schooling.
I’m sorry but I have to take issue with something here. Reading is a vitally important thing to teach kids both in the classroom AND at home. If you can get your kids reading they will learn the concepts of kindness and bravery through the heroes in books. Books are the keepers and main teachers of these things when parents will utterly fail at times and teachers simply don’t care (ad believe me I’ve had teachers that didn’t)
You have to get them while they’re young and impress upon them the importance of reading, both as a skill and as a tool of learning the concepts that will make them better people. I learned many of the qualities that I hold dear from books, and I learned the importance of reading them in school. Anyone who feels that reading the is least important thing a child has no idea of the damage they are doing with that notion. That’s the thing that’s causing people to abandon books for mindless drek on television like Jersey Shore and admire Kim Kardashian more than Princess Elionwy.
I’m pretty sure you missed the point of the piece…
I think you missed the point. This was praise to a very in tune teacher who was making a difference with the tools she had at hand. This was not an endorsement of government sanctioned education on bravery. Also, I believe the author agrees with you that home schooling isn’t going to the beach, hence her acknowledged failure. I agree parents are the first line, but the point is that in school, the first society children become a part of outside of the family environment, there are children that struggle to connect, and this insightful teacher found a way to diagnose the problem and in some way offer a solution.
Reading? You digest this article and all you pull away is “reading is vitally important”? Dear sir, it stands right before your very eyes and you have missed it completely.
Would you please indicate where in the article it says reading is not important? I consider myself a good reader, but could not find what you seem to be referencing.
I don’t think she was stating that Reading was unimportant, I think it was the realization that other skills are going to take you farther. Unless your child is going to get a job in their future reading to others, if they cannot actually communicate they will be lonely and lost. After all, they can read as many books as they want, but if they have no one to discuss and share that knowledge with, that to me is not only sad but a waste. Reading is a fundamentally important skill, yes, but kindness is a life skill that will keep them connected. We already have a huge problem in our society due to disconnection. Maybe this generation can get it back for us all.
This is one of the best articles I have read about education in a long time. You have missed the point. No one is discounting academics but there is a MUCH bigger picture here.
John,
I think it might be worth going back to re-read the piece. Glennon loves books so much she’d marry them if it were legal. She’s not saying reading and books aren’t important. They’re part of what has kept her alive. But not ALL. People are also what has kept her alive.
I think you missed the whole point and instead are focusing in on one statement that is not important to the story. For someone who claims to be an avid reader that is sad.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that this comment was meant for a different article.
SEND HER TO TED TALK!!! The world MUST know!!
Fabulous idea! I’d love to see that happen!
And for the other brilliant thing I read on this page… YES.
She should absolutely take this strategy to TED. Or make a little video like the empathy one… Can you see a bear sorting little scraps of paper?
C’mon…there has to be a videographer that reads this, yeah?
I think this is really a lovely piece about a lovely practice. But it’s the last paragraph that really made me sad. Because if teachers REALLY had parents behind them, then they could actually teach this way. But until parents, all the parents (or at least a critical mass) stand up and say we care more about our children (and all the children) as human beings than we do about test scores, teachers don’t have the time/energy/support they need to teach this way. Because while this strategy is wonderful, it’s just a teeny tiny piece. She had to then act on this information with the kids. She had to teach them about how to treat each other, how to work out their differences, how to appreciate each other for their individuality, how to work together, how to express themselves, and a million other things that take time. And the maniacal testing machine doesn’t allow for any non-academic time.
I’m a counselor at an elementary school and you are completely correct. There is little that any of us at the school can do to help change children for their own good without any support on the homefront.
I don’t think my point came across in my posted comment as well as you stated here. FIXING the problem(s) is the FAR bigger challenge; teaching appropriate behavior, teaching kindness, empathy, ….. these solutions are difficult, if not next to impossible, to teach in a classroom setting if the behaviors are habitual. We (teachers) try. And we often fail. And we often get blamed as ‘not doing anything.’ And we get frustrated. And we cry TOO. It is SUCH a challenging job! If I only had to teach my content area—the world of teaching would be a PIECE OF CAKE. BUT, we DO NOT just teach content.
It’s very sad that the priorities in our country are so messed up as to what is really valued/gets funded and what is not.
As with all your writing, I am brought to tears and overflowing with emotions.
Thank you for sharing this.
I agree this needs to be shared so I reblogged in on my site. I hope that is ok.
Gave me chills! I just sent this to my sister-in-law who is a teacher.
The answer to what this teacher did as a followup may be above in the comments, but would be good for a next article. In a summer class I took in Mexico the teacher shared that the Mexican definition of a well-educated person is one who knows how to treat others and puts it in practice. Nice!
Thank you so much for this article. Down here in Australia, it’s the first morning of the first Friday of a new school year, and I’ve now got something new I need to do in my classroom today after lunch. This is such a wonderful idea.
My heart has been poured out in front of me….and my tears flow so freely. I have sent this to every teacher, and I will continue to do so. My gratitude to you to the teachers who saw my boy. Thank you, Glennon.
NO more whispering! I don’t care about my kids’ test scores anymore! I just want them to be kind and to do things that matter. Shared on my FB! LOVE YOU!
I used to teach elementary school, and I so wish I had known of this excellent strategy at that time. If was was still teaching I would most definitely do this! Your son’s math teacher sounds wonderful–it’s too bad for future students that she is retiring. I think all students should have the opportunity to have teachers that aren’t just teaching the subject matter, but genuinely care about the individual students.
That took my breath away, right there. As a fiercely proud and “extra feel-y” teacher, this essay made me weep. I remember being a 22 year old in my first year of teaching (sixth grade). After a few months, it was hard to miss the disconnection that was happening for a group of my lonely students. My heart broke for them, and I wanted so badly to fight their battles for them. As much as I could, I enforced the zero tolerance policy with bullying. Under my watch, it was not going to happen! But then there was recess. And that was where all the carnage ensued. I knew it everyday by the looks of defeat that these kids wore in the afternoon, and by the way they made any excuse to stay in for recess. But what could I do? I wasn’t there to stop it (it was my lunch period too). So a small group of teachers and I covertly decided that we would invite the “lonelies” to have lunch with us one day and have them stay in to chat instead of going out for recess. We forfeited our only forty minutes of quiet time during the day to hang out with five lonely, scared sixth grade boys. Of course, after the first day and the looks of relief and happiness on their faces, we knew that our little “lunch bunch” was going to become an everyday event. And so it did. I see these same kids now all grown up on Facebook and in town, and I think back to how fragile and helpless they were back then. It makes my heart swell to think that maybe somehow I made the difference by being a light for them in the black hole of adolescence that is middle school. Love ALWAYS wins, peeps. Teach on, warriors.
Thank you! You made me cry. As a mother to a struggling sixth grade boy, this touched me deeply. God bless you. I am certain you made a huge difference in the lives of your students. Thank you!
Your reply made me cry. As a mother or a “non-athletic,” quirky, 5th grade boy I thank God every day for teachers and administrators like you. You are all that is right in our world – thank you.
Thank you, Lauren for being there for those boys. You are a true gem.
Thank you for this. I discovered you last week, and I am hooked. I stepped out of my armor recently at the all-girls school where I teach. MLK Day. I was asked by students to speak about a moment of courage. I told the entire Middle School about the day my wife, my son, and I stood in line for 3.5 hours in NYC to receive our marriage license on the day the Marriage Equality Bill went into action.
I was told a week later that a member of the Board of Governors wrote a letter to the head of the school and my division director that my message of love and equality on MLK Day was inappropriate. This is not the first time this has happened. I keep on, though, because it’s important to show these girls that every family needs to be respected and loved.
The last line of my speech reads,”No one who was in line that day to receive equal treatment retaliated against those who wanted to hate. My family, and everyone else, stood proud, hand in hand, smiling, letting love win.”
Beautiful!!
Sarah,
That board member was one voice, but probably feels like a thousand. So let me be just one on the other side. Love wins!
This is brilliant. I truly believe in my heart, with so many extraordinary teachers out there, there are many different, yet similar methods teachers use to help our kids learn life, love and compassion, empathy, respect and friendship. Thank you for sharing this with us. We need to share these and more.
Tears. Oh, god, tears. I think my guy is going to be one of those kids who doesn’t get put on the lists and I PRAY for teachers like this. This. Is. Brilliant.
Kudos to this amazing teacher!!! I am a parent of a child who was bullied beyond belief by every child in his class. I can not even put into words the emotional damage that this caused my child. As it turns out my child was sick from a very young age which we did not know until he was much older, his illness caused him to be extremely thin, and a host of many, many other heath problems. PLEASE teach our children empathy and sympathy and words can physically make someone sick. I only found out more recently our cells can hold emotions. If someone looks different it just might be due to a health problem, in my child’s case it took every ounce of his energy to survive his day with these bullies not even including trying to complete his school work. After years of talking about what happened in school and with his health it appears he had PTSD although not and official diagnosis. I feel every school should teach an Ethics class along with a class on 10 mindful minutes also the name of Goldie Hawns book. The actress Goldie Hawn has a foundation. The Hawn Foundation they teach the children 10 minutes a day to “MindUP” through a team of educators, neuroscientists, positive psychologists and experts in mindful awareness training put together this training program.equips children, educators and parents with vital social and emotional literacy skills, helping them increase focus, improve academic performance, reduce stress, gain emotional resilience and optimism. I wish this was around when my children were in school. Our precious children are a blessing please teach them to respect each other. My son still has a long road ahead with his health and healing. I remind him every day God has a plan for him, he is a good person and a wonderful son!
Thank you for sharing. I got to the part, “…looking for lonely kids,” and lost it. I posted it on my FB page, to a teacher I know at my children’s school and sent it to the principal. I will now send to the superintendent. It is so simple yet so brilliant. Thank you for sharing and oh how lucky your son is to have such a dedicated teacher.
Holy smokes…that’s some damn good stuff right there.
I love this story. But I need someone to explain the interpretation and implementation steps.
If a kid is not being requested by others — is that a sign that he/she is being bullied or is the bully?
And if the teacher sees patterns of disconnection, how exactly does she overcome those patterns in the following week? What exactly does she do to help the lonely kids?
My question exactly. Once she has the sacred information, what does she do with it? How exactly does she use the information to help children connect with others?
I don’t think the data alone answer all those questions, they are just pointers. I’m sure most teachers, noticing that a student has not been listed by any of the other students could make a reasonable guess as to why. And if not, they could probably discreetly question a couple of the more outgoing kids to see what people thought of the un-listed child. And no matter which end of the spectrum that child is on, I’m sure a little extra attention from the teacher would both help the child and inform the teacher. This isn’t a formula to be followed, but rather just a window into information that otherwise gets ignored.
Glennon,
This post really hit home today. I’m sitting here at work in tears and I’m not even sure exactly why. At my daughters school last night there was a bomb threat. My daughters are in 1st and 2nd grade. The school goes through 8th grade. I am terrified today. And to know that teachers like this can think of such a beautiful and perfect way to combat these types of issues, it just makes me have so much hope. Thank you for sharing. I’m counting down the 26 minutes that they have left in their school day.
So I just heard you speak in Austin on Friday, and now I’m sitting here in my office with my nose all snotty and my eyes all leaky. Thank you for writing and sharing this. These blessed teachers need to know how much we love and appreciate them, and those that want these ideas, but haven’t come up with them yet themselves need us to share. This is good stuff.
I wish my boys had teachers like her…would have been a life changer for them.
Glennon,
Thank you for sharing this fantastic story of a wise and compassionate teacher. I forwarded your post to my daughter’s first grade teacher and our principal. It’s a small thing that could have a huge effect.
You rock.
Betsy
Good article overall. I personally have my kids in school but would like to point out that all of my friends who homeschool are nothing like what is stated in the opening paragraph. Otherwise, I wish more teachers would do this.
Yes, I agree — it is a brilliant article. But to be the devil’s advocate here, my parents live in a small religious town with many farms. There is a high population of home-schooled children and many, many, many of them that I have met at church functions are severely behind the learning curve of where students their age should be in History, Math, and Science. It is very depressing as some of them are genuinely gifted and have a desire to learn beyond the boundaries of their parents.
Sure, there are likely many great success stories of homeschooling, as noticed by the 13 year old on Ted Talks, but I would wager there are many more incidents where the children do not get what they need. To truly teach a kid all these subjects that takes scores of teachers with different qualifications to teach means that a parent must have the capability of either learning this stuff faster, or knowing it in advance. This is not a typical parent.
Kevin, the reason they are behind the learning curve of kids their age is because their parents don’t subscribe to a learning curve. They have until adulthood to bring their kids to a readiness and even then, it hardly happens at the exact same age. This concept was difficult to subscribe to when we first began homeschooling but now I can appreciate that my 10 year old may not be on the same page as his public-schooled peers, but he can make his own meals, do chores without asking, write eloquent thank you notes to his family, have a tender-heart towards a younger child who needs help or patience. These are often as important or even more important than academic milestones (at this age). Of course when the time comes to prepare him to leave for college (or life) our job is all the same in that we hope to give him a solid foundation for which to build his future, just as parents of public-schooled kids do. It’s just impossible to measure those milestones the same during formative years.
kim- that was LOVELY.
The other thing is how many public school students are behind the learning curve. One grandson has had problems learning to read. In public school the chances are he would have been ignored because he is fairly quiet. His Mom used several different methods with him. He’s probably behind the curve but he’s learning. It just takes him longer. How many public school students require remedial teaching when they get to college. No way is perfect.
Kevin,
With a few notable exceptions, that has been my experience with home-schooled children also. One that really stands out spent a year in a public high school, after which he returned to homeschooling. While I was subbing in a class, he was rude and arrogant – which was odd because his skills for the classroom requirements were lacking. The rudeness and arrogance carried over to his personal relationships – he really had difficulty relating to peers in and out of the classroom because he thought he had no peers. He was not allowed to play in an intramural league with the school team because he would not attend all of the practice – claimed he didn’t need them, while most of the team could run circles around him. He played for a succession of other teams in the league, but never stayed with any because they wouldn’t ‘play him enough’. He is supposedly college bound after graduation, but based upon what I saw will not be prepared academically or socially.
Karen, just to be clear, Glennon wasn’t describing all homeschooling parents — just herself, and more specifically, Craig’s description of her homeschooling methods as why it “didn’t quite work for [their] family.”
Too bad I can’t hire this teacher as an adult. As an adult
I still struggle with making friends and connecting to people.
What do you do as an adult if you feel like you are falling
through the cracks? And I know that I’m not the only adult
who feels like this. I watch kids on playgrounds pickup
new friends and instantly start playing together no questions
asked. It doesn’t work like that as an adult.
brilliant, BRILLIANT question.
Not only is this an important question for me but it
is an important question for society. Not all mass
killings are done by kids but pretty much all mass
killings have been done by people who have been
cut off from society. People with strong friend
networks don’t generally commit suicide or go on
crazy killing sprees.
It’s taken me over 20 years to figure out it takes one smile, one hello, a friendly gesture towards another that can make a world of difference. I don’t mind if I don’t get a response back. I try to make a difference in someones life, every day, no matter what and that is what matters.
agreed. I did not learn the NEED to be social and make friends until I moved to another state. I knew only my husband and had twin newborns. I kept wondering to a friend back home that I didn’t know what to do and she explained: ‘Making friends as an adult is like dating. When is too soon to have someone over for dinner? Is that too forward when you meet them at the park for the first time? I laughed and realized that I needed to be kind, smile and open myself for rejection (just like in dating) and I made several friends at that time from the park, the market, etc that I still hold today despite having moved again. Be a warrior ladies! be brave and carry on. We can do hard things!
James, it’s possible you have Asperger’s Syndrome. I struggled all my life but never really figured it out until just a couple of years ago (I’m 50). Knowing your diagnosis doesn’t help you to make friends, of course, but it does help you to understand that there’s an explanation — that your INability is a DISability. And, when you can say (as I do to my new students every semester), “I have Asperger’s,” you may find that people are amazingly understanding.
Funny you should say that. My son is diagnosed with Aspergers and during evaluation the doctor actually turned and asked me if I had ever been diagnosed because she apparently noticed some oddities in my mannerisms. I’m pretty sure I probably have both Aspergers and ADHD as did most everyone in the engineering school I attended but other than moving back into the dorms (and I’m too old for that), it doesn’t really solve the problem of how to make connections when you have none.
Join groups, volunteer, force yourself to be friendly and speak to people sitting or standing near you, just say , awful weather isn’t it?, if you are in a hurry you can go first, or again join a group at church, join one that you like what it’s for. But also if you are more comfortable with no connections, no problem! I do hope you and your son can find peace and happiness.
james, when i moved half way across the country a few years ago, i knew NO ONE. i am not exaggerating when i say that i would start conversations with people in the OIL CHANGE place. or wherever. this was uncharacteristic of me, but i had to do something; i couldn’t just exist in isolation with tiny children. i basically asked anyone who seemed nice enough to be my friend. this can weird some people out, but there are other people who have enough room for a new friend in their life, or who say that they needed a friend just as badly. sometimes it is as simple as being forward enough to say, “i need a friend” and rolling with it. it is easy to imagine that everyone miraculously knows one another, and always has, and also to be sure of rejection before rejection ever happens. sure, you will be rejected by a few, but you might end up with so many great friends it won’t bother you a bit. this is just my experience, and i will admit that i can see this approach being more challenging for the opposite sex. it’s not a “cool” thing to do at all, and it can feel very vulnerable. your playground comment JUST clicked in my head though–that is EXACTLY what children do: they sit down and say, “wanna play; wanna be friends?”–and there you have it. it just may be that it can be that simple. (?)
I had read this blog entry and some of the comments, and then walked away. As I came back to it, I was thinking about how different it is when you are an adult. I was wondering what it would take for us to look out for each other more, how it could be done, who would do it. As these thoughts wandered my mind, I sat down…and began to read…your comment. I am not sure what that synchronicity is about, but I thought I would share it with you, along with the fact that I can appreciate what you have shared. I have struggled, as well…and it has gotten worse since being diagnosed with cancer. Lots of love to you, and if there is anything I can do to lend an ear, just find me through my blog. Same goes for anyone else reading this. Not really sure what I can do, but am sure I want to at least try.
Elizabeth and James,
First — Elizabeth, could you post your blog url? Unless I missed it, there’s not enough info in your post to find you. And I would like to find you. ; )
James, I have moved many times in my life, which means that I have started over in terms of forming a community many times. It has gotten harder as I’ve gotten older, and that can feel really depressing. One of the things that I did the last time around was to post an ad on Craigslist looking for folks who might want to get together to do “friend stuff” — hit the local trails, go to a ballgame, see a show, whatever. I got several responses from people who were looking for the same thing, and it was a great way to explore my new city. So — that’s one suggestion.
And fwiw, I was diagnosed with ADD in my late 30s and suffered from undiagnosed social anxiety throughout my childhood and well into adulthood. It was crushing to be in social situations with friends and see them navigate small talk, dating, etc. seemingly easily while I 1) struggled to do the same, and 2) struggled to explain to them how invisible/uncomfortable I felt. Once I got the ADD diagnosis, I looked for a few books on living with adult ADD. Some of them (the good ones, IMO) address social needs/deficits too. Perhaps you could find a similar book on Aspergers…?
The last suggestion is to volunteer. If working around people is too hard or not a great match for you right now or just unrewarding, which it can be, is there an animal shelter near you? Can you volunteer to walk dogs, clean kennels, stuff Kongs, snuggle kitties, etc.?
Can you read to people? Maybe record yourself reading some kids’ books and send/take the recordings to a local hospital? (I’m trying to figure out how to do this for a friend’s daughter who’s in NICU.) Can you be the guy who takes the library cart around the hospital or the nursing home? I’m trying to think of things that would give you opportunities for brief interactions with people and keep things varied.
I tend to jump right into “Ooooh, I can fix that!” mode (obviously) but I want to stop for a second and say that I hear you. I get what you’re saying and I know how hard it can be. I am glad that you found your way to this community, which is (most of the time) an incredibly supportive and welcoming place. Keep trying. You are worth knowing.
Gabrielle, could you please tell me what books you liked on adult A.D.D.? Thanks.
Wow! She is an angel…hopefully many more teachers will see this and implement her strategy..brilliant
It’s working! I posted a link to this piece on my blog’s Facebook page, and within minutes heard from a staff member at my children’s school that your post already had been sent to the entire school’s internal email. You do good work.
I taught sped for 35 years, years a go a young man came to our school with ahorrible fungus all over his face. The principal told us the story and we prepared the students for his coming. He was quite shocking inappearance. After several days, my students asked if they could ask him to come and visit our room and then play with us. Shocked i asked why ” he needs a friend” they replied. Needless to say, they walked with himto his class and invited him to visit anumber of times. They were very sad when he returned home. I think we alllearned a lesson of acceptance!
I just forwarded your post to all of my teacher colleagues. Thank you so much for sharing!
This is simply stellar, and I will be posting it and tagging teacher friends. There are likely other teachers out there doing similar things who we never hear about, but let’s hope those who haven’t been and who hear about this will take it on or figure out similar ways to reach the same goal. The “circle” idea mentioned is great, too. Just as there isn’t one single way to teach kids, there isn’t only one way for teachers to implement an activity or process to help provide and monitor this information, but it’s one heckuva start.
I believe what this teacher is doing *has* saved lives, because disconnectedness breeds trouble. She has likely stopped at least some bullies who would have carried this into even worse abuse of others, which often gets passed down through generations. It’s possible that by nipping this behavior in the bud she kept someone from becoming a gun-toting lunatic, but honestly, my first thought is that it has probably kept a lot more kids off the path to what might have eventually been suicide. (Contrary to initial reports, Columbine didn’t happen as a response to bullying. The leader of the two boys was a sociopath who thought he was better then everyone else.)
This woman has been a gift to those children; it would be wonderful if she was able to see all the ripples that resulted from putting her caring into action. Please thank her on behalf of so many of us.
As a teacher, I agree this is great…however impossible to pull off when you teach 150 students. I already work 50+ hours a week just trying to keep up with the things I am responsible for (lesson plans, copies, data, grading, tutoring, etc) with these 150 students (high school). I live in a constant struggle to meet content objectives, deadlines, and all the while still trying to develop relationships and help those struggling to fit in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m viewed as a leader and expert in my area, but times are different and we are responsible for so much we sometimes lose sight of our most important job, since that is nowhere in the job description! I taught preschool for 10 years and it’s much easier when you are only responsible for 25-30. I loved knowing each child so well, it helped so much…not possible with 150.
don’t shortchange yourself….I am sure you have touched many….and with love anything is possible.
I have noticed the expectation are crazy high for students and teachers. My son is only in 1st grade and it still shocks me. Why don’t you find your own way to do something like this that is easier. Or ask your spouse or a friend who has time to help? I’m sure someone on your fb list would be interested because they would feel like they are a part of something good.
My husband works in the school system too and does help a lot…mostly with our 3 children so I can stay late and come in early. I do let students request grouping partners in our class. I try to give each student at least one person they feel they can work well with. I also ask those doing very well to tell me one struggling student they are willing to help and include them in groups together. But my efforts are mostly academic based and sometimes it helps those struggling in social ways as well. I guess having been a part of both worlds I see how much better (closer) a teacher can be with fewer numbers! Thanks for the encouragement!
Why not see if there is some way to get it going in one area of the school. Get the guidance counselors, student teachers, or volunteers from the PTO to look at the data. Or even a vice principal (where I taught we had 3), the nurse or the resource officer. Start with just the freshman class, and just have them do it in one subject. Or advocate strongly that the elementary school implement it so that problems are taken care of early on.
I agree w/ Ericka and would like to add…Maybe just take what you like from this article and leave the rest. Maybe you were meant to read this article to apply in SOME way to connect, maybe to have an awareness and see a need for application in one student, maybe you were meant to read this article and pass it on to another teacher.
“Teachers- you’ve got a million parents behind you whispering together: “We don’t care about the damn standardized tests. We only care that you teach our children to be Brave and Kind. And we thank you. We thank you for saving lives.”
Parents– stop whispering it and shout it from the rooftops! Your school districts and legislators need to hear from you, all of you, as often as possible. Anyone who agrees with this statement needs to check out the Badass Parents Association and Badass Teacher Association on Facebook and online.
Unfortunately, while this teacher is amazing & this needs to be done, it is* the teacher’s job to teach the subjects our children need to know, and it is the PARENTS’ job to teach their children to be Brave and Kind. And a lot of us are failing at it.
This is a brilliant idea, and when I send it off to my younger son’s teachers, I will be adding a note that I will do all the compiling necessary, & track the data for them. Because the teachers have enough to do that can’t get done.
I don’t know about your school district but in districts I have been in, this data and any other type cannot legally be given to a volunteer. There are so many privacy laws in place in education today that I ould no longer have students exchange papers to grade or pass them back to one another since a students would see another’s grade. Just fyi.
School Counselor’s Dream! Love this and will be sharing with our staff. 🙂
This is an interesting concept. Could you pass along to the teacher that it might be worthwhile for her to see if she can sum it up and provide instructions for other teachers who may wish to model it?
This has been around since I was in college in 1974. It is not new. Unfortunately, “other things” have become priorities in colleges these days and they have lost sight of what budding teachers really need to know how to do. I tried to share this with younger teachers and sometimes I was successful and sometimes they just felt overwhelmed trying to survive. It is a difficult job.
Thanks for this awesome story….there is no way to measure what she taught. Priceless. Oh if every school had a teacher like this to lead the way. Imagine!!!!
That is some great teacher! Thanks for sharing her story x
I just forwarded this post to the Dean of our College of Education. I think all of our education and ministry students need to read it.
Timely post for me, as my son is being bullied in PRESCHOOL. This brilliant teacher has left quite a legacy… even greater thanks to your post. Thank you, thank you!!
It’s so sad that bullying has started so young. I’m sorry your little one is enduring such negativity in PRESCHOOL! Stay strong mom and little guy!!! Pray for the ones who bully, the ones who have been misled in their short little life. And I will think of your son and offer positive vibes as he continues on her new journey in school. Please pass this message on to your son- YOU MATTER!!
Erin,
Please only spend a small amount of time trying to figure out the cause and strategies to stop this bullying. If it does not get better ASAP, take him out. It is preschool, find a different preschool that nips this behavior in the bud. Or, better yet, one that fosters acceptance and friendship. Preschool is a place to figure out who you are outside of your parent’s home. A child does not need to learn that they are unworthy of kindness, friendship, and love.
Good luck.
Please do a follow up… I really want to know what she does AFTER she finds the pattern of loneliness. I have sent this to my daughter’s teacher with a note of thanks (and a bar of chocolate!) and reposted in hopes that this will reach as many people as possible.
I am a retired teacher. I did this when I taught elementary AND middle school. What did I do with the results? 1. I made my seating charts with the one left out (and there usually was at least one) near my most endearing and caring children. 2. I would have special jobs for the ones left out that made them get really positive attention like set up lab experiments, set up stations, take care of the pets, be monitor of the Smartboard, etc. 3. I did anything that would elevate my low ones and equalize the playing field for all.
Debbie —
YES YES YES! You are one of the great ones!
Debbie~ that is brilliant! Because of your observant compassionate nature, you have built self worth and importance in the life of these children! Thank you for making a difference in these precious souls!
Debbie, your comment made me tear up. How wonderful for those little guys to have someone looking out for them like that. And also, you make me wonder…how many times has someone been looking out for me like that, without my ever knowing? God bless teachers!
Bless you, Debbie.
Great idea!
But it really does come down to how the information is used. I have two children, one of whom is extremely extroverted, the other extremely introverted. Both of them are always smiling and are happy children. But only the extroverted one is perceived as happy.
My introverted son, who liked to sit by himself at lunch, had a teacher notice, and she would send kids over to sit at his table. He HATED that. He needs time to himself in order to do well, so this just affected how tired he felt after lunch. I found this out when one of the other mothers told me, and I had to go see the teacher and ask her to stop trying to get him to “connect” all the time.
Yes. This is extremely important, but they do need to learn math and reading and science, as Rita says. As many teachers and parents have commented on here and other blogs, we have to stop this “teaching to the test” crud. And the woman who said we have to stop acting as if kids are all the same and learn the same way at the same time. I don’t have any simple answers for this, although I would start by paying teachers and school counselors (and first responders) $250,000 a year and pro athletes $35,000.
Sorry, no idea how that comment showed up again from below.
I was going to say that this was a very good point.
Ah, this is the comment I was looking for. 🙂 I was a very introverted child who loved nothing more than to sit alone and read a book over lunch (or anytime else). A few teachers would try to “fix” this in a manner similar to what you described with your son, which was just agonizing!
I should add that some teachers noted my introversion and approached me with genuine concern, wanting to make sure I was emotionally healthy and didn’t feel left out, etc. However, others treated my personality and identity as something to be repaired. This became extremely problematic after Columbine: suddenly we loners were treated with outright hostility and suspicion from teachers and administration, not to mention other students.
So, to sum it up, I agree with you that teachers do need to take students’ individual needs and inclinations into account. FWIW, I’m a successful professional who interacts positively with dozens of people daily. 😛
Wow – what an absolutely fantastic read – thank you for sharing this.
I would love to meet this amazing teacher and express my gratitude to her for her compassion and empathy and also for what will hopefully start a new way of teaching for some. Happy Thursday 🙂
This is an amazingly brilliant wonderful story. I hope it spreads like a disease and that we all make the choice not to vaccinate.
What a wonderful act. I had an 8th grade male math teacher who every Friday for 30 minutes made us all sit in a circle. He would pass around several pieces of papers, each with a different student’s name on it. As it came to us we were required to write one thing we liked or appreciated about that person and then pass it on. Once it had made it’s round, the teacher would list all of the things that were written, have a little discussion about it, and would end it with his own thoughts. Every student got “their moment” at some point that semester. He was teaching us to look for some good in everyone, and at the same time, also teaching us to recognize the good and beauty within. What a beautiful lesson to learn in math in Jr. High! I am 46 now, and still remember those Fridays. I still have my paper too. 🙂 Thank you to all the wonderful teachers, coaches, and parents who make the time to guide the hearts and souls of our young ones.
I want to hug this teacher so hard. I hope she reads it and all of these comments. My son is “different” than other kids – he has some anxiety issues and therefore does not always seek out social interactions with other kids. His teacher this year (in first grade) is a lot like your son’s teacher…she makes sure all the kids are included and even the “different” kids feel safe and secure and LOVED in her classroom. And what do you know? 1/2 way through the year and my nearly-7-year-old non-social child has been invited to birthday parties and on playdates and TALKS ABOUT FRIENDS! We never thought we’d know this child. Thanks in large part due to the efforts of his teacher advocating for him and teaching those kids how to be friends 😉 I wish she could be his teacher forever.
As a teacher and parent, I just have to say: reading and math and being a good human are all equally important. It’s not a zero sum game. We don’t have to choose. In fact, we can’t choose. The human connection part of learning is the foundation. If we don’t get that right, our kids can’t learn. (You can’t learn math when your being is focused on survival.) So, this teacher is doing what’s necessary for learning the academics. If more of us educators could just get this part right, the test scores would go up. Wish I’d understood this much, much earlier in my career.
Yes. This is extremely important, but they do need to learn math and reading and science, as Rita says. As many teachers and parents have commented on here and other blogs, we have to stop this “teaching to the test” crud. And the woman who said we have to stop acting as if kids are all the same and learn the same way at the same time. I don’t have any simple answers for this, although I would start by paying teachers and school counselors (and first responders) $250,000 a year and pro athletes $35,000.
Great story and I know that this system probably has saved numerous kids, but how does this identify the bullies? I guess I’m not so great at math either. I’m not saying this system doesn’t or criticizing it in any way, I just don’t understand how.
I think the points is that she is identifying the lonely kids, the ones who have no friends and are likely to be bullied. She can see who has no one requesting to sit next to them.
And no one will be asking to sit next to the bullies, would be my guess.
Hmm, I am not so sure people will not request to sit next to the bullies; very often they have a support group, at least of other bullies.
I have one child who would have requests to sit by her every week. I have one child who would never get a request. I just forwarded this to all my kids’ teachers. Thank you.
I love this post so much. I’m sharing it with everyone I know. Thank you!
Love this, thank you for sharing. I sent it to a family member who is a teacher. God bless you!
Thank you for writing this Glennon. I am a K teacher in a wonderful, amazing school and we DO these kinds of things every day and in many different ways. Relationship is what it’s all about. If a child doesn’t feel safe, loved, accepted and part of a community they just won’t learn. Teaching is an amazing, heart wrenching, exhausting yet incredibly worthwhile profession. I LOVE my job!
Good for you, and thank you!
What an exceptional teacher and human being. I wonder how many kids’ lives she turned around armed with the knowledge she collected and collated every Friday. I wonder if any of the kids ever realized what she was doing or what a very special teacher they had.
This will be done in my classroom tomorrow….thank you, Glennon, for sharing…and bless this wise and compassionate teacher.
This really tugged at my heart, and made me a little sad because I wish my son had a teacher like this. He is 6, goes to a magnet school for gifted children and is doing 4th grade level math, he is usually a social, happy kid. He is a successful working actor here in Los Angeles (commercials & TV). However, his teacher sees him as too talkative and creative, and as a kid who just doesn’t do things the way everyone else does.
She has said so many negative things about him, tells me that he has no concept of self-control, punishes him for things even though a group of kids are doing the same thing at the same time and those kids don’t get punished. I’m at the end of my rope. I’ve heard one positive comment about him all year. He now hates school, says he hates learning, and he says that he knows he’s going to get in trouble every day no matter what. And he was never like this before, nor has any other teacher ever said these kinds of things about him. Yesterday, she told him he was “silly” in front of the whole class because he was painting slower than some of the other kids because he wanted to take his time and do it correctly. I know he’s not an angel 100% of the time, no kid is, but I just can’t believe he is as bad as she is saying either.
A great teacher can work wonders, but a bad one can do untold damage.
Is his attendance at the magnet school so important that you’re willing to put him through this torture? He sounds like an awesome kid and this is just an awful story. He needs something different and now before all of the joy of learning is sucked out of him. I’d rather have my daughter (who is 6, by the way) in a public school than have a terrible teacher who could be ruining her self-esteem for years.
See, this is a public school. He was in a private school last year, but we thought that the accelerated challenging curriculum would be really good for him, so he went to this one for first grade this year. This situation is just breaking my heart. My husband and I are going in this afternoon to confront her about her behavior and her comments in front of the class. My next step is going to the principal. This school is the #1 elementary school in LA and accepts only 10% of kids who apply, so I’m hoping that maybe a different teacher next year will make the difference. I don’t know. He’s incredibly talented, kind, and cooperative in most situations, including on set and on auditions. I’m really just so discouraged and upset that a teacher would do this.
ABSOLUTELY go in and talk to the teacher and principal about it. This is completely unacceptable, and since you’re only getting his perspective on the story, it’s very possible he *isn’t* the only one she’s treating like this. I hope she gets fired.
Melinda, as an educator, I think the most important thing you learn in school is how to be a connected, functional human being, a ‘brave and kind’ person, as Glennon would say. Academics is important, of course, but it is far more important to learn how to be a part of society than to be a math genius. I feel strongly that the social aspect is the most important part of school. Clearly, the government does not agree, thus all of the testing…but just food for thought for you.
Melinda, I agree that it is not worth it for a child to be miserable. After meeting with the teacher, if his reports are verified, why not request he be moved to another teacher’s class. I am a retired teacher and have seen instances where there was just a personality clash. But don’t let your child suffer.
Go to the principal. I’m in a similar situation. I can’t stand it! My children used to love school. Every day is a challenge now. I’m making an appointment today. If it doesn’t go well, we’ll have to look for something else. Good leadership should be able to correct the problem, bad leadership lets stuff like this go by (I’m a former teacher).
Stacy hit the nail on the head. Good leadership = good control. Bad leadership = the opposite. This happened to my child in 4th grade. Until that time, there had been an excellent principal in her school. He retired and a young man with little experience was hired. I watched as the quality of the education deteriorated. It was horrible. We, actually, moved out of that district and put her in another school, where she flourished. We then taught her to express herself, verbally and artistically, about her experiences. Years later, she would still pass the occasional comment. She’s almost 19 now. She’s done very well academically and socially. But it left a wound that took a long time to heal. Teachers are human and some of them are abusive. Get your son out of that classroom.
As a retired teacher I have some suggestions for you. Go and sit in the class. Watch interactions of other students with the teacher. Talk with her about your son and his “behavior” verses his personality. If you are not happy, DO NOT let him know your feelings. Remain neutral in his presence!!! If things do not change, you need to move him out. Sometimes personalities just don’t match and it is not worth making a first grader feel like less of a person just to say he is going to the best school.
Melinda, I suggest you talk to the teacher, in person, and discuss your concerns. Volunteer in the classroom. Set aside 10 minutes before bedtime every night and ask your son how his day was, what happened, and how he felt about it. Keep a private notebook of what’s happening and when. If you don’t see any improvement, both parents should talk to the principal. Use your notes to explain your concerns.
You may find it’s a matter of personality differences. My son had a similar problem in 2nd grade; by January, he didn’t want to go to school anymore. His 1st grade teacher had been like a substitute mother – loving, kind, gentle, with hugs. His 2nd grade teacher was hands off, no hugs, militaristic, gruff, quick-witted and sarcastic. We met with her, I volunteered in the class. Then we met with the principal, who then observed her classroom. It wasn’t that she was a bad teacher – her manner was effective with the tough, outgoing kids; but that manner was detrimental to my gentle, sensitive kid. Because of our actions, and getting the principal involved, she backed off and treated him more kindly; he was able to finish out the school year. I continued to volunteer and help out in the class room for an hour, 1-2 times a week. It helped us keep in touch, and I could see what was going on, and she knew I was keeping an eye out. In the end, she was able to give my son the education he needed, and I was also able to gain insight from her about social dynamics that were occurring involving my son, that I’m not sure he was even aware of.
It is a parent’s responsibility to be an advocate for their child. It’s up to us to fight for them. Be respectful, but firm. You and your child’s teacher should both work towards what’s best for your child. Your kid matters, and has a right to fair treatment and a good education.
Melinda, my heart goes out to you and your son. My kids are in college, but my one regret from their school days is that I didn’t pull my daughter out of her 5th grade class despite repeated examples of a really bad fit between her and the teacher. It sounds like it might be time for a change for your son. I hope that as you consider your options, the right choice for your son becomes clear.
Amazing! I wish every teacher would do this!
This is amazing. How did you get the teacher to tell you this beautiful story? What question did you ask???
I would love to know how she USED the patterns she found. What did she do with the information to change her students’ experience?
amazing…. this gave me goosebumps
THIS. IS. BEAUTIFUL! I will share this and hope that it gets passed along to as many teachers as possible.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I teach technology for kindergartners through 5th graders, and even though I’m a “specials” teacher and I won’t have the opportunity to do this, I’ve sent the story on to all my colleagues and shared it on Facebook.
Your support means the world to us, as teachers and as human beings. Thank you.
My husband is a 4th grade teacher and as a male often gets those students that are disconnected or need a male influence in their lives. Thank you for sharing this and the side of teaching that isn’t measured or taken into account so often. I know his administrators take it into account but that no one outside his school ever sees that when considering budget cuts and furlough days. The man works hours every night to grade papers, update blogs, communicate with parents. Yet, even with a Masters and a Specialists degree and ridiculous student loan balances, gets paid next to nothing. Yet, these are the people that shape our children, shape the future and yes, save lives. I live in Georgia and we had students spend the night Tuesday night at schools because their parents were stuck on the highway and the buses could no longer run in the snow. Teachers and administrators alike spent the night with those students and kept them safe and warm when their parents could not. That is love, being a second parent to these children, that is teaching!
These teachers tuesday showed more leadership than the gov or mayor of atlanta, who didnt bother to treat the roads with lots of warning! Youd think they would have learned from 4yrs ago, when it was said,…never again!
Incredible woman, teacher and heart. I hope this story touches the lives of many others.
with tears rolling down my face, I share this with my 4 kids’ principals and teachers. thank you, always! How I love you so, G!!!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
Oh my gosh. What a great story. What a great strategy. What a great woman. That’s all. Hope this goes on HuffPost.
This has got to hit the media-TV. This is a heart-warming story fit for 60 Minutes or something or one os those type of shows. Even more awareness. And thank you to all teachers who help the lonely.
This gave me chills & made me cry. I’m SO, SO grateful for good teachers. They really DO change & save lives. Xo
Just e-mailed link to my child’s teacher & principal. What an incredible idea!
Me too! Along with a note of gratitude for all that they do for our kids. Not just important; sacred.
I write this with a tear rolling down my cheek. Thank you for sharing this story of hope. What an incredible person and an inspiration to us all.
This is so, so, SO important. There are books and research showing what being lonely, left out, and bullied does to a child. Some of these kids will be social misfits for the rest of their lives, struggling in the areas of relationships and work. Some of these kids will grow up to become physical or sexual abusers themselves. I’m reading a book about that right now. Many of those we consider “do-nothing, good-for-nothing poor who don’t deserve benefits” grew up like this and were and remain horribly disadvantaged in life. If EVERY teacher did it like this teacher, so many lonely, struggling little children would have a better chance at a happy, healthy adulthood. Also, don’t forget that the reason many children come to school like this in the first place is PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, OR SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE HOME.
Think about it. A kid who is abused at home, and then abused at school, who then goes home to abuse and back to school to abuse, as I did from ages seven to twelve, doesn’t have a chance. They think that they must be bad children, inferior to other people, and that the abuse must be all their fault. Once they are old enough to learn better, the damage is already done and all that social learning that should have taken place at a young age, has been missed. They are starting their lives and careers miles behind the starting line, and when other people around them look at them funny and think, “What’s wrong with THAT person?” they know.
Thank God I was at least smart and the teachers liked me. If I couldn’t have made good grades, God knows what would have become of me. And somehow I missed out on sexual abuse, despite having a grandfather who it turns out was a molester.
WOW!! This is great! I have felt the same way for years. We are forced to teach to the test! It’s drives me crazy! I will take this to heart and try her Friday notes from the kids!! Thanks for sharing!!
I work with pre-service teachers and I just sent this to as many of them as I have email addresses for. I also sent it to my kids’ principal and counselor. Now that I think about it, I want to send it to the deans here and get it passed on to the faculty. This is a great read and far more important than tests scores!!
Thank you, as always, for spreading the love.
This teacher has a heart of gold! I believe with all of my heart that God put you in that classroom at the chalkboard for “tutoring” only months before this amazing woman retires so that you could share this knowledge with a huge audience. Beautiful!!!
As a teacher, I love this. However, I need those parents to stop whispering and start screaming. I need them to scream that they don’t want their kids tested as if they are all the same and graded by machines on one day of their beautiful lives. Because when those parents start screaming and shouting then I can really start teaching. I can teach each child and class exactly how they should be. Then I can focus on what they NEED.
Love it, Alishia!
Yes!
I’m also a teacher…and completely agree with you, Alishia. Thank you for posting.
Amen!
We all need to band together and start screaming. Parents know that community is essential to learning. Teachers know community is essential to learning. We need to start speaking with one voice to people who do not know but think they know. Please don’t ask me to put my body between a child and a bully, or a child and a bullet, and with the same breath tell me I can not be trusted to do my job unless there is a test. When you legislate the teacher out of teaching, the learning suffers. Thank you for sharing this story!
Yes, Glennon, YES. Slam dunk.
I was a teacher too for 12 years. In the current climate of emphasis on test scores and state/federal standards, it’s so easy just to think that teachers’ only duty is to prepare kids academically. Let me tell you, though, the hardest part of my job as a teacher was to know my students well enough so that I could understand how to reach them, not just as students and data points but as little individuals with their own perspectives on the world.
This blew me away. What a brilliant, loving woman! I immediately thought of a boy in my area who set himself on fire a few days ago. He was a sophomore in high school, walked into the cafeteria, poured an accelerant on himself, and set himself on fire. I’m praying for that poor soul. I’m so sorry there are children who feel so lost and alone they would resort to something like this.
Crying. Chase’s teacher is a genius.
More teachers need to know about her idea. Just by telling this story with your fabulous platform, you’re spreading the word far and wide. But it needs to spread even farther and wider.
How can we make this happen?
Wait, wait! This is beautiful, but don’t stop there. How does she get them the help they need? How does she help to connect them? How do we respond to the ones who bully and are bullied and the ones who are watching? I am a first year school-based counseling at two elementary schools, and the hours I’ve been given allow me to see only a handful of students at each school. Out of 400-500. It feels overwhelming. And to be honest, I too feel the disconnect and loneliness at school. How do we help?
Amen. Please go back and interview this teacher again.
Once she knows who needs help, then what does she do?
*counselor
Also, our teachers are overwhelmed and under-resourced. The rest of us– the parents, the nonparents, the churches, the nonprofits, the for-profits– what are WE going to????
What are we going to do? For starters, we’re going to teach our children to befriend the friendless. To reach out to those who seem to have no one else. To run to the aid of those being bullied and ask for help from teachers and other parents until help is given.
A little girl visited my house a couple times last year to play with my daughter. I recognized the signs of sexual abuse and called a school counselor. I had no proof, other than the way she was acting. And I told the counselor that. But I’d rather be wrong than not speak up for this little girl and find out perhaps years later that I should have done something.
We all have to start speaking up. Find your voice, and teach your kids.
Brilliant, Glennon. One of your best posts, ever. I’m awestruck. It’s math, it’s patterns….I strongly believe that the world’s problems are because of disconnect. When you look at people who are disconnect, you can look back and see a pattern. what a gifted teacher.
Sharing this one.
I love this!!! I work with middle school special education kids. Love wins every time!
I wish more teachers knew about this!
As a parent of a middle schooler who feels left behind this year, who is not being invited over, who feels like her friends don’t like her anymore, this made me completely lose it. My heart breaks for my daughter and I feel like there’s not much I can do – I can’t make other girls include her. I encourage her to try to talk to the other girls who seem to be on the fringes, but she is shy and that is not easy for her to do. I don’t know what to do to make things better for her 🙁
Sometimes the same-age kids are simply not an appropriate company for a child. Seriously. As a kid I could very easily connect with adult professionals of all sorts, and it was quite productive and interesting as I could learn a ton from them. Kids my age were mostly uninteresting simply because they didn’t know things. They couldn’t just talk and talk when asked about something. It felt like strolling in a very shallow toddler pool when what you really wanted was to surf on waves.
Your middle-schooler may well be better off in life if she sticks to adults she can learn from. After all, when it will really matter – when she’ll be out on her own, there will be adults all around her. She’ll have a very early start on properly interacting with them.
Thanks for your reply. I don’t think she has the same issue that you did – she *wants* to be included and is not bored hanging out with her peers. Her shyness makes it uncomfortable for her to talk with adults she doesn’t know very well. Little kids, however, seem drawn to her.
Mom,
Your post about your daughter struck a nerve with me. When I was in middle school I was miserable. There were 7 girls in my grade, which honestly made middle school a living hell. I would come home many days and lay on my bed and cry. My mom would hold my hand and cry too. It was terrible. I too was shy and was being bullied. Girls can be terrible, terrible creatures. I love this blog because it reminds me that girls (women) can also be amazing creatures capable of great love when we choose to build one another up.
This probably isn’t very helpful, but know that your daughter is not alone. And maybe tell her that. Sometimes middle school really sucks. It has nothing to do with your daughter, her personality, her dreams, or who she is. Remind her that she is beautiful and lovely and that life will get better. I’ll be praying for your daughter this week.
Tears again – thank you, Annie
I’ve shared this on FB and via email with every parent/teacher I know. This is phenomenal. I REALLY hope this becomes insanely viral. Wow. Thank you, Glennon. <3 <3 <3
AMEN!!!
This is beautiful.
What a teacher.
And how beautiful that you were able to see how beautifully she sees others.
Thank you for sharing.
I’m in tears.
Just forwarded this to EVERY SINGLE teacher and faculty member at my children’s K-8 Catholic School. It was just too important not to. Thank you G!
I love that there are warriors out there showing us ways to be relevant on scales we can all manage. Yes, Love Wins! And…….the love of children transcends the muck of the world.
Absolutely AMAZING. Forwarding this to all the teachers I know. This is genius! I think she is on to something and I so appreciate you sharing it. Thank you!
I am sitting in my high school classroom, getting ready for the day, when I read this. THANK YOU – we, as teachers, struggle with the tests and the bureaucracy, but really – we are in it to help/love/inspire kids. This idea is wonderful and so loving. Every kid wants and needs to be seen and heard and loved. It is our duty as teachers, but more importantly, as citizens of this world.
I just love this post oh so much. Please tell Chase’s teacher “Thank You”…on behalf of ALL of us! She is a true gem, and I hope that other teachers see this and take up her mission in the wake of her retirement.
Crying right now. I will send this to Hunter’s teacher, and ask her to share it with the other teachers 🙂
As a former public school teacher, I think this is brilliant. I wish I had used this kind of strategy. Kudos to this teacher and to you for trying to re-learn division. Isn’t it weird how they teach things these days? Saving lives one list at a time!