Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh– Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” – those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I’m not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: “Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast.”
At that particular moment, Amma had swiped a bra from the cart and arranged it over her sweater, while sucking a lollipop undoubtedly found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. A losing contestant. I couldn’t find Chase anywhere, and Tish was sucking the pen from the credit card machine WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, “Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you.”
That’s not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if she loved writing, replied, “No. but I love having written.” What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, “Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t mean you love having parented?”
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I’m being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times – G, if you can’t handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don’t think it’s quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It’s a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don’t ever feel the need to suggest that he’s not doing it right, or that he’s negative for noticing that it’s hard, or that maybe he shouldn’t even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he’s ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: “This career stuff…it goes so fast…ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? THE FISCAL YEAR FLIES BY!! CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!”
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.” And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add– “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn’t work for me.I can’t even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here’s what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. Kairos is those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day, and I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I’m doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can’t hear her because all I can think is – This is the first time I’ve really seen Tish all day, and my God – she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I’m stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I’m haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I’m transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles of healthy food I’ll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world’s mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.
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2,618 Comments
Frankly, if you love EVERY MOMENT of parenting, you’re doing it wrong. Because telling them no SUCKS. And watching them fail SUCKS. And messing up SUCKS. But we have to do all of that to make them decent human adults. And sometimes… being a jungle gym sucks, being a client at a 2 year old’s beauty parlor or a customer at her restaurant SUCKS. But you do it. And sometimes it’s awesome! Sometimes you help your kid build an amazing lego rocket or manage to change a poopie diaper using only one wipie and it’s like HOORAY! This moment is AWESOME. And those are the moments you remember, when they’re 30.
I love your honesty. That is just how I feel. I was on a road trip back from MN to TX with my kids and had just had a hard stop with both kids misbehaving and bringing me close to tears when I heard this on a Christian radio station in Iowa:
Psalm 128:3 “Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table.”
What’s interesting is that an olive shoot produces ONLY bad fruit the first 10 years of life and requires a great deal of pruning and maintenance. From 10 to 15 years it may produce a little good fruit, but it’s not until it reaches adult (18 to 20 years old) that it produces good fruit and no longer requires any maintenance.
Isn’t it great that our God totally gets that parenting children is really hard work?
Great post! Had to share a story about an older lady who DOES remember what our days are like with young children. I was standing in the hallway of our preschool, holding my second daughter, only a few months old, sweating and about to cry, watching my 2 year old daughter throw a giant tantrum on the floor, screaming about how she didn’t want to go home with me. I must have looked completely lost bc this lady walked over, threw my 2 year old over HER 70 year old shoulder and told me, “Walk to your car honey.” I did, she followed with my now stunned 2 year old in her arms and calmly buckled her into my van. Needless to say she was my HERO that day. I still see her at church & I know her a bit and I am reminded her of her kindness that afternoon.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. What a breath of fresh air. I couldn’t share it on Twitter fast enough! New reader here!
This post hit a chord with me because I feel EXACTLY the same way! Thanks for reminding me to focus on the Kairos times with my two girls.
I love this! One of my friends once said something along the lines of: Parenthood can make for long nights and short years! For me, I like to think I love every moment of being a Mommy, but I dislike and sometimes resent the moments I have to be Parent.
The guilt. Oh, the guilt. I try to squelch it and kick it out as it comes at me from every which way. The ladies at the grocery store are not the villains for me, it is me! I have five children and the oldest just turned nine. I want to spend time with each child and enrich them and make nice meals and have a clean home and the list goes on. And it is me that wants these things, not someone telling me I have to do them. So, I try to pick some of the good things that I want to do on my list and go forward trying not worry (OR FEEL GUILTY) that I can only accomplish a small part of what I would really like to.
Thank you for your post. I’m right there with ya…
I usually can seize the day in the morning after I have been sufficient fueled with coffee. With proper rest and compliant agreeable children, who couldn’t embrace each cheek pinching moment, right? Here is the catch-my children (ages 3 and 5, and BTW, I am 9 months pregnant) are not always compliant and agreeable. They push the envelope and are over the top challenging, sometimes on an hourly basis. And I have to remind myself that I am raising enthusiastic and creative and passionate people. (People who are strangely just like me!)
Older people brainwash themselves to forget the hard times b/c quite honestly, who the heck wants to remember the meltdowns, the defiance and the tears (which are usually my own as I hide in the bathroom)?! I empty my brain on a daily basis and brainwash myself and you know how I do it? With sleep. Okay, and sometimes wine.
If a candid and honest approach about parenting being hard is negative, then those people are not experiencing what I am. After all, each parent has a different experience. And all kids are DIFFERENT.
I do have to admit, I always try to see the good in things and be my own internal cheerleader. And I often collapse into bed each night usually with mixed feelings about my day. But with therapy and a hot dose of caffeine, I seem to make it through. 😉 Hang in there! This was an excellent and honest post.
I remember feeling exactly the way you do when my kids were little. It is hard, and it is worth it. Now my kids are grown and my life is much easier and I have my wonderful grown-up kid-friends and my darling grandchildren.
YES. All of it… YES!
The moments ‘in between’ the drudgery, those are the ones to hold onto.
The people saying ‘enjoy every moment’ are talking about the in-between ones, I’m sure. It’s the same Mommy Amnesia that ensures not every child is an only child… we forget about the pain of childbirth too, and recommend the whole endeavor to our friends. I’m hoping it’s the same with childrearing (we’re still in the trenches with a 2-yo and 4.5-yo).
Great post, I look forward to reading more!!
Love the blog! I’m right in agreement with you. We’re not supposed to love every minute of every day with our children. It’s just not possible. And those little old ladies? Well, they’ve forgotten how hard everything is and they’re just left with their good memories. Which is great for us because it means that one day, all we’ll remember is how amazingly lucky we were to have our kids at the time. If we live that long 🙂
So absolutely well said! I am always annoyed at those seemingly happy, happy, joy, joy moms. I always thought I was better than them because at least I at honest about the difficult times. Your post made me realize that part of me feels like I am failing or not doing it right because I DON’T enjoy every minute. I look forward to the day they are off to college and I can control my own time and be so very proud of them. Thanks for the new perspective. I have resolved that when I am that old lady I will say helpful (like your post) things to that harried looking young mom with the awful children AND the perfect looking young mom with saintly children. They are both in the same boat.
In the mean time, I’ll continue to resist the urge to pat old ladies on the hand and smile condescendingly while I say, “Oh, your so old your memory must be failing you.”
Thank you so much for your post. I have never read your blog before, but I really appreciate this one. I have 3 kids, hoping for number 4 and get the question sometimes as to why I want another when it’s hard to keep up with the three. I don’t enjoy every second with my kids, like when one is throwing up at Lego world in the Mall of America, But I love my kids! I wouldn’t give them up for anything. Thanks for the encouragement that it’s ok to not enjoy every second and to make sure we take moments to remember the Gift God has given us.
Pure Greatness!!!!! 🙂
I’m a work/stay at home dad, and I think this post is awesome! You could just as easily substitute “dad” for “mom”, and I think your thoughts would apply to all fathers, working or stay at home. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
So well-written… exactly how I feel but am never quite able to express. I have tears streaming down my face (and I’m at work, no less). Thank you for being so honest!!
You have said this so well…you have hit the nail on the head. It is not that we don’t adore our children with every fiber of our being and there is NOTHING we would not do for our children…however…in all honesty…they can drive us literally INSANE! And I think you are correct in that if you are crazy you are doing it right…because you are aware and present in every moment of their lives. That doesn’t mean you don’t want another child to love and raise because one day it will all pay off when we have a house full of children and their children coming home for the holidays and visits and vacations. You have read the mind of every Mom…amen!
beautiful written and wonderful expressed. Thank you for challenging me to look for brighter moments in my day.
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What those older women are saying is enjoy your kairos moments while they’re there. You’re already doing that, so I’m not sure why you’re complaining. *shrug* I guess you’d think of me as an “old lady” since the last of my kids has started high school this year, and I’m telling you that everything in my soul breaks when I have my kairos moments and realize they will soon by gone (or replaced by visits from the kids).
We see you, with younger children struggling in the grocery store, and we remember. We remember how humiliating those public trantrums were. We remember the stares, We remember longing for a trip to the store uninterupted. But we also remember the sweet, soft little faces that smiled when we kissed them. Now they grunt, “Mom! That’s so corny!” We know the days are long, but the years are short. Before they are behind you forever, seize your kairos moments. They are gone before you know it.
Very well said. I am just not a very emotional type person so I always find myself wondering about people who seem to be just overjoyed about every little moment of their childrens’ lives. This post just really resonates with me. There ARE magical moments of parenthood, but then there are also just plain moments. As for the fourth child issue, I relate it to a promotion at work: they say one is never truly ready for a promotion until about 6 months into the new position. Parenting is just like that. (at least that is what I am telling myself as I am growing our own fourth child). I look forward to reading more of your blog, thanks for sharing your journey with other moms:)
I love, LOVE what you say about Chronos and Kairos time. The whole post is true but that part in particular really struck a chord. How often do we really just take the time out to look at what we have, what we’ve created, and just be thankful for it all? Thanks to this post, and you, I’ll be doing it a lot more from now on.
G, anything I say will be redundant, having already been articulated here in comments. However, not many men have had much to add so I thought I would try to be relevant. You MUST feel so fulfilled “having written” this captivating piece. I am quite blown away whenever one of my grown children tell me of a favorite family moment from their younger, “Drive the car through the fence at 9 years old” days. Their mother was the one who both enjoyed the Kairos and endured the Chronos while I was away working. I had mostly Kairos moments when I was home. For both her, and you, I simply wish many wonderful times in the midst of the chaos outside our doors. I hope everyone visiting here takes a moment to read your “Meet Glennon” page. I honor your accomplishments, your values, your good heart, and your willingness to share what you have learned with all of us fellow travelers trying to get through another day. Well done!!!
You go girl! I LOVE this. My daughters are 19 and 16 and while I do look back and think how fast time went by, I remember those days that were horrendous. I had my share of older women telling me the same thing but one day in the grocery checkout, the girls were simultaneously fighting and begging for candy, gum, etc. I said “You two make me want to snatch myself bald!” The older woman behind me said, “Honey, I’ve been there. Don’t snatch yourself bald. Snatch them bald. You’ll feel better!” We both laughed and now I have a wonderful memory!
WOW. And THANK YOU! And AMEN SISTA! I cannot say enough about how much I love this post.
I can’t count how many times I’ve been out in the world and had those same well-meaning ladies stop me (and my just-turned-five year old twin boys) and tell me to cherish these days, the time goes so fast. It often makes me feel exactly the way you described. Panicked and depressed, thinking I am completely missing my kids’ entire childhood and will be so filled with regrets when they’re older! Which – as someone who spent 10 years trying to get pregnant, and would love to have more kids, but can’t – can be a little bit soul-crushing.
Thank you for telling it like it is, and being honest about the true ups and downs of motherhood. It’s true that it’s the best job in the world, but it’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Thanks for reminding me to cherish those Kairos moments.
I am a first time reader of your blog. I wish I had been following it longer! Your article was well said and heart felt! I have a saying, I use quiet a lot of times; more choice is to either laugh or cry. Though sometimes things can be totally overwhelming that I do both with snot pouring out of my nose. This gift of being a parent of two high maintence teens with special needs. I love them dearly but it can be so hard knowing what to do or say at any given moment when you are perplexed out of your mind the aliens standing before you! Thank you for the laughter and the tears – you are precious – continue on warrior, encouraging us warriors!!! =)
SO great. SO true. I hate when people say that. Every stage and age my kids have gone through has been great -and every stage and age has sucked the life out of me a little. I remember telling my husband the big difference between working full-time and being a stay-at-home mom was that I would come home from work and think, “that was a great day.” At home it was just so much more of a roller coaster. Moments of ‘great day’ moments of ‘noooo’ moments of happy moments of frustration. But no totally, 100% great days. I think that’s reality.
Maybe we should all commit to keeping a Kairos journal ~
Thanks for your honesty and your insight.
YES!!! Thank you! So true! I’m glad I’m not the only one struggling through. I definitely don’t enjoy every moment, but there are those moments that make all the hard work of being a mom so worthwhile.
And this . . .
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.” And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add- “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”
I laughed so hard, I teared up a little bit! I hope you do say that one day! You’ll be a truly rockin’ little old lady!
PS — I love your photo below. What a gorgeous family!
You’re awesome. I got to the part about what you’d say do when you’re *that* little old lady and, yeah, tears in my eyes also! You rock. I’m the exact same way and guilting over this is just not worth it! Thank you for sharing.
And FYI, you’re family is absolutely gorgeous (family pic at the bottom of this post). You two make beautiful children!
This post struck a chord, not because I don’t think it’s true, or I don’t think parenting is frustrating, but because I remember older women telling my mother this when my sister and I were small. Unfortunately, I also remember my mother’s response to those women, “Oh, PLEASE tell me it gets better!”
Well said,Mama! thank you for your honesty in this post….you eloquently captured the spirit of us warrior mamas who are blessed beyond measure…we’get all been there in that Target checkout line:) love the blog….blessings from this mama of 2:)
Thank you for this…you have no idea how this was exactly what I needed today. I cried my way through it. As a young Mama struggling with depression and the toll it takes on me and my babes, this could not be more true. I love my little ladies with all my heart but struggle when people tell me I should be enjoying every minute…and I can’t honestly say that I do. Your idea of chronos and kairos time is something I will never forget. I have those same moments. Thank you, again.
tears in my eyes! thanks for being so wise to question the “enjoy every moment” urge and thanks for sharing!
I am not a mom, I am a Dad though,and I take those comments with a grain of salt and think I will remember as many moments as I can, good or bad, they all add up to some one special, my son Bryce.
RIGHT ON MAMA! I love what you wrote and I heartily agree! And, I’m glad there are two kinds of time (I agree!)
Thank you for saying this! I have always felt the same way and the guilt I feel for NOT enjoying every single, floor lollipop sucking, peeing in a corner, swiping the debit card pen, moment can be multiplied ten fold by some elderly person (it’s always a gentleman with me though) barking at (well meaningly) me. Your Mt Everest illustration is PERFECT. I get so guilted out by this actually, that I HAVEN’T had a fourth child…it’s actually stopped me at three because I feel like I must be doing something wrong to not be basking in Mommy Glory 24/7.
Very well written, I look forward to browsing through your blog some more.
Thank you for this. I have a friend who tells me how wonderful life is, how you make it great, how great his kids are, his wife is, his job is, his life is, his vacation home is, etc. And then I feel bad because I don’t feel that every moment of every day. Now I know I just need to carpe a minute or two a day. Just that to make it, I think.
Thank you I needed to hear this more than anything today.
Thank you!
thank you for this post!!
I was having a definite chronus hour or so…doing homework with a 6.5 year old can seriously wear you down.
by the time i finished reading your post, i really, REALLY , saw my baby girl…not the frustrated and mad little thing she was earlier, but the sweet, smart and amazing girl she actually is!
Thank you so much for that, I needed it. Hoping for my 4th soon too, homeschooling an 8 year old, 6 year old and parenting an almost 2 year old. I totally get the climbing thing, so true. I get sad to about the old ladies saying that to and am hard on my self. (Unless it’s my mom saying that 🙂 But mother-in-law does great and I hope I can be like her for my daughter’s in law someday. I always say, “Down in the trenches it does not quite look that way but I try.” What more can anyone ask for? Thanks again.
This is simply amazing. Thank you for saying it!
Beautifully said! My 4 children are now mostly teens (11-19), and it’s now hard in a different way (no one can disappoint, hurt and upset you quite like your teenaged child!). But I still store up those moments, and think back on all of the wonderful moments we have had during the years. Thank you for giving those moments a name!
When I am really at my wit’s end, and that happens almost on a daily basis, I think about telling my former self not to have kids – they’ll drive you crazy and break your heart! But when I watch my 13-year old daughter dance, or talk to my college daughter about social theory, or hear my son grooving on his bass, or get a hug from my youngest – I realize that I wouldn’t trade any of it in for anything!
Thank you – and embrace the journey!
I love this–so true–I just read the “about you” section of your blog–are you familiar with Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration? If not–you have to read about it–it was the first thing I thought of while reading your story–the book Living with Intensity explains it best, but this will give you a quick idea:
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowski.htm
Well said fellow warrior mom, well said.
I really liked your post. I feel that way with just one. It’s been so hard in fact that even though I thought I wanted 4, I can hardly muster up the courage to have 2. I feel guilty that everyone else can manage with more than 1 and on top of that, I’m “lucky” enough to be home. Home I think is the hardest place to be sometimes. So, I feel guilty for staying home, having one, and still thinking it’s soooo hard and of course my little angel is a spirited angel; you know, the kind that might be hiding some devil horns every now and again. So, I very much appreciate your post. It’s nice to hear someone else say what I try to tell these Carpe Diem folks.
AMEN sister in Christ. You couldn’t have said it any better. I’m already having a better day for reading this. AMEN.
This the first time I have ever posted a comment on a ‘mom blog.’ However, it was just so beautifully written and so, SO true. It made my day. You sound like a wonderful mother (and an honest one….which I so appreciate!)
PERFECT. just perfect! I love this. 🙂
I have to admit, I haven’t been enjoying bedtime the past week – not one little bit and I’ve been trying to remind myself that (supposedly) some day I’m going to miss this stuff (I’m not convinced I’ll ever miss the frustration we’ve been experiencing, or the exhaustion I’m feeling at 5mos pregnant with a 3-year old who doesn’t see the need for sleep anymore) so this post is like a salve on a wound…
thank you for sharing. love it.
Thank you so much for writing this. Could NOT have said it better myself! Now, off to put out some fires in the living room:)
LOVE IT!! Thank you so much for articulating this! I often have to fight the urge to spout some sarcastic comment when, in the middle of my 2-year-old’s meltdown, someone tells me to “enjoy these days, they’ll be over before you know it!” I love my daughter but, come on, no one enjoys a melt down in the middle of the santa line!
And let’s not forget the “Can you even remember your life before you had her?” Well, yes, yes I can. Childbirth does not cause amnesia.
Thank you for sharing this…you made me laugh and thankful that I am not the only one!!
Oh my, what a wonderful post. I’d forgotten about chronos and karios and I really need the reminder. The last 2 months have been a swirl of really wonderful times and completely defestating days, but they have been filled with plenty of karios time and that is what I need to hold dear.
You are right – mothering is TOUGH, especially when it is done well! Since it started with something called LABOR, we should not be surprised!
I have raised and released 2 sons and now they are raising their own little guys. I have investing the last 22 years teaching moms-trying to equip them for the task of the holy occupation of mothering AND encourage them while they do it. Why? Because I know it is TOUGH! And words of encouragement usually are few and far between for those moms trying to hang on and survive, all the while wanting to do it well and raise great kids.
IF you ever have a free moment (and I know you don’t!) and could use a huge dose of encouragement, tune us in at http://www.bellevue.org and click on WATCH NOW. What I do with my moms group is archived under Women’s Ministry by my name Jean Stockdale. These sessions are designed to urge moms to press on because mothering is HARD and moms are TIRED and WEARY and need a NAP and lots of HELP and KIND WORDS to stay true to the task at hand.
Thank you for your perspective. As I prepare to begin another semester with my moms, I will ponder your words and take them to heart. As I encourage my moms group I want to be sure to use the time wisely to “purposefully” support them in their daily grind without relying on platitudes or growing nostalgic about my own mothering experience – especially now that I am no longer in the “active phase” of mothering. And you are right-we who have raised our children and get to sleep through the night and eat at our leisure and live without the distraction of little ones hanging on us, often forget how TOUGH it was as we reflect on how much we miss it! I want to measure my words so that they might be used to minister to the heart of the matter to those still in the trenches of motherhood.
Carry on~
Jean Stockdale
http://www.jeanstockdale.com
Thank you ! Excellent post, and every bit of it rings true. In our play-group / mom’s sanity group, we have a saying “It’s not a successful group until someone gets carried out kicking and screaming!” (usually it’s one of the kids – LOL!)
Just to defend the old ladies a little bit, remember that to their generation, a huge portion of their identity is tied up in their parenting, and it was not acceptable to admit that you had ANY doubts or struggles as a mother. My mother has such an idealized view of her parenting experience and that is definitely not the way we four kids remember it. She will go to her grave saying that she would do it all again and love every minute of it.
In today’s world, parenting is a lot more complicated. Parenting standards are higher, stress levels are higher, many moms are juggling parenting and careers, and we can’t just send our kids outside to roam the neighborhood for hours at a time like our parents did. I have been so lucky to find so many like-minded parents who are willing to admit and laugh at our parenting “failures” – without them, I would have lost some of my sanity. Our generation is a little more willing to say – “Damn, this is hard, and there ARE days I want my old life back!” But, on the other hand, I can’t imagine my world without my daughter (well, there would be a lot more sleep and I wouldn’t have to get up at 5am to get some quiet time). Coming to live with that ambivalence and contradiction is healthy, I think.
Perfect. Thank you!
Thank you!!! With 3 kids in 5 years, I really needed the Everest analogy. I am so inspired by your insight that the fact that it IS hard may mean we are doing it right
You can’t “savor every moment” just because someday it will all be over. You can’t eat more now just because you will be hungry later. I think you put it beautifully — it’s the tiny glimpses of Kairos that keep us going!
I’m new here, but I loved this post! I do try to “enjoy every moment,” though heaven knows I fail frequently. As in, 99 percent of the time, give or take 1 percent. But then there are those golden, Kairos moments that you mention … like watching the sun fall in through the front window while my two boys are building a “skyscraper” of cardboard blocks together (without fighting, miraculously) and the baby is watching them and laughing her head off, and it’s like you can hear angels singing for a half a second 🙂
And foo on anyone who writes and tells you not to have more because you “can’t handle the ones you have.” If we should only have more kids when we find 100 percent of the time with our current kids utterly and totally blissful … well, no one would have more than one kid. Ever.
My own mom suggested that maybe “two was enough,” because our two oldest boys can be, well, quite a handful. But our daughter really changed the dynamic of our home in an amazing way, and honestly, at this point, I’m finding three easier than two.
Love your honest heart of faith and wisdom at this time in your life. Yea for you! Yes, I’m one of those CD women..my mantra (“Do not mourn what can not be, celebrate rather what is!” Debby Allen) but I also share that the parenting journey (it’s forever sweetie!) is the hardest, yet most rewarding job I’ve ever had. It’s a roller coaster ride, and takes a lot of courage, communication, unconditional love, wisdom, humor and faith along the way. You sound like your “buckled in”, so lift those hands high and whoop!
You deserve it!
Sincerely,
Debby Allen
Elem. teacher at Brussels American School
AMEN. I try to remind myself to always appreciate every moment, but the truth-be-told, it is very hard work and the minute when they finally settle into bed and you are free feels like the finish line. I look back and remember the Kairos moments throughout my girls’ infant days… but do remember trudging through everyone of those days saying “how the heck does everyone else do this so well?”
having read this, I will be SURE not to say this to others going through the tough days and I will certainly acknowledge the hard work they are doing…
thanks!
My oldest daughter sent me the link to your blog post. You inspired her. She has three young children at home and is the primary breadwinner in a two parent working household.
You have beautifully captured the essence of child rearing. I have raised six of my own, and like you, endured the comments. In hindsight, and from the perspective of an older woman, I think that sometimes these comments are made to actually inspire you to get past the moment. We grandmothers can see the struggles of the young–and we don’t forget how they felt. Honestly, after one day with even a couple of my seven grandchildren, I wonder if I have a lick of sanity left…..but, of course, I wouldn’t trade it for the world and eagerly look forward to my next leave of sanity.
Thanks for the alternative suggestions….they are really good ones. I always worry that the mother will feel offended and think I am patronizing her, because young mothers today are under such scrutiny, they are often defensive. I’ll give it a try though…see if I can lift someone up a bit!
Best wishes with your beautiful family, about about having a fourth?….of course! I can honestly say, “the more, the merrier.” Big families rock. They are hard, but worth it.
LOVED this – and lesson #1 as well.
‘Carpe diem’ always reminds me of one ‘The Critic’ episode and ‘Carpe canem – seize the dog – that can’t be right.’
Chronos and kairos remind me that I need to re-read Madeleine L’Engle.
This also speaks to my evolving definition of joy, which isn’t the shallow ‘enjoy every moment’ carpe diem crap that seems to litter the world at the moment. Joy is…deeper. Joy runs under it all: the frustration, the anger, the sorrow, the happiness, the boredom, the fun – all of it. It’s the sense that you’re living life to the full, giving all of yourself and going in the right way, even if it’s damn hard a lot of the time. It’s a sense of rightness and a sense of trust in the universe.
This ‘be happy all the time, or something’s wrong and you need Prozac’ brigade just needs to quit and stop lying – to themselves and to us. Life is far richer, far more complex, far more wondrous than some shallow constant happy/sense of pleasure. It’s…whole. And that means everything is contained in it – light and dark, joy and sorrow, good and bad. Life is far more than ‘carpe diem’.
And all we can do is as you do – live it with full awareness, moment to moment, and carpe every kairos granted us with gratitude, love and wonder.
Thank you for this post – absolutely wonderful.
xx
Your blog is excellent. I love how you talk about things happening in God’s time. I must admit, I am an Aunt, not a Mom, and I do not see my nieces and nephews on a daily basis. So, I often say they are growing up so fast! I will be more sensitive to carpe diem moments now! Thank you!
Well said mama!! I definitely feel you. I’ve got 4. Honestly, #4 just kinda goes with the flow. You’ve already conquered your 1st baby (thank god you never have to do THAT again!) You’ve conquered juggling more than 1 baby. You’ve conquered you and your partner being outnumbered. Seriously…#4? You really don’t even notice that much of a change…you just have to add 1 extra number to the running OMG-did-I-lose-someone head count.
I want a #5 desperately. I also cannot wait for Friday afternoon to roll around because my mom is taking #1-4 not only Friday but also SATURDAY night! I am going to go back to the Hobby Lobby I went to Monday with my 2 boys and actually enjoy myself without the chorus of “I want to go home.” “I hate this.” “I’m busy.” (that’s the 3 yo’s version of I’m tired-hungry-or ready to vomit…thankfully it was just the tired one that day.) “Can we go look at the models?” “I want the $150 slot car set instead of the $10 model.”
I can look at yarn and go home and knit and not have to untangle it from aforementioned 3 yo. I can’t wait!!!! I definitely don’t enjoy every moment of every day. I do enjoy when my 3 yo crawls in my lap and gives me a slobbery kiss on the cheek. I love it when my 7 yo builds something really cool out of Legos. I love it when my 8 yo reads a book without struggling. I love it when my 11 yo gets up, does all of her schoolwork, and fixes breakfast for all of the littles so I can sleep in after working the night shift. Every mom needs downtime, especially when you get frustrated. It makes you a better mom. Anyone who says different is lying or has a full time nanny.
Thank You from a first time mom who was feeling GUILTY about counting down the hours til hubby gets home! I LOVE my baby and I do enjoy parenting…but EVERY minute- that’s a stretch. Thank you!
In all fairness, I think what the ladies in the Target line are saying and what you are saying are pretty close to the same thing. I don’t think they literally mean, enjoy every second. I think they just mean, savor, treasure this time in general. Which I think is exactly what you do with your Kairos moments. Most of the time, the comments I get from little old ladies are sympathizing, “You’re a very busy Mama.” Meaning, they remember how hard it is.
That said, this was a beautiful post. I love those Kairos moments. I have always called them holy moments. They really are gifts from God.
Thank You! I simply have nothing more to say than Thank You. My babies are 12mo apart and it sees NOTHING is easy for me and everyone is looking down their nose at me. Then they remind me to enjoy it.
THANK YOU!!
Thank you thank you thank you.
You summarized exactly how I feel everyday when I am approached by those same older ladies and want to run away screaming, but instead grin and assure them that yes, every moment is a real blessing. It is- but only in hindsight once my little guy is fast asleep that night.
This was an amazing post. It spoke directly to my heart and was just what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!
Thank you for introducing me to the concepts of Kairos and Chronos time. I experience the exact same shifts! Great post. I also wrote about the same subject here ~ we see eye to eye…
http://mommytheorist.wordpress.com/2011/05/23/it-goes-fast/
I love the whole paragraph that stars “I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest.” That is so very true. I remember bringing home my first little one and she would not breastfeed for me. We were both crying. I was sure I was starving her to death. But then one day I read Will Smith’s speech about running and reading, it helped me realize I could do it, one step at a time, she is almost three and very healthy!
That is what I get from this paragraph as well, so Thank you!
Thank you. Wonderfully said and very encouraging. These are words I have been searching for for awhile to find the balance between gratefulness and the sheer chaos that exists in a day.
Thank you for expressing with words how I feel most days, it feels so good to have proof that I’m not alone! After particulary rough days I’ll lie next to my little boy as he sleeps and think he is going to grow up so fast and I need to treasure every moment. Then I think….thank God he’s asleep and I treasure that!!
Oh! I LOVE YOU. I love you a lot. I also love my friend, Jessica, who posted this on facebook today. This is beautiful and perfect and exactly what I’ve been feeling with my 3 crazy, intense, wonderful kids. “I can’t even carpe 15 minutes in a row.” Perfection. And I think I’m going to copy down what you intend to say to younger moms, paste it to a mirror, and make it a goal in life to do that some day! We all should. Wouldn’t that be magical?
Thank you! It’s like you got right inside my mommy heart and put my exact feelings into words. And then took it one step further, giving me a mission each day to look for those Kairos moments. They do make these days worth while. Oh, and being a mom of 4, I highly recommend it. 4 for us was not just one more than 3. Our 4th was an answer to prayer, a miracle and he truly brings joy to our family every day. I say, “Go for # 4!!!”
First time reader here…I almost cried reading this post! I have three kids three and under under and I have lived this entire post. Thank you for this. I too live with guilt for not seizing the day! THANK YOU!
Glennon,
THANK YOU!!! As a full time working, single mama of 5 littles (and not so littles), I have to live on my Kairos moments because my chronos moments sometimes feel like they are going to roll over me… This mama business is HARD.
I feel a little bad because I am one of those ladies telling mamas EVERYWHERE to enjoy those tiny people, never thinking I might be adding to the mounds of anxiety all mamas already have! G, I lost one of my babies at 3 1/2 mos. old (this is Susie Q, I haven’t posted in a while- I am SO OVERWHELMED most of the time with work and children…). I never meant to imply that parenting is wonderful all the time, I just know that life can change in an instant and these precious people are “ours” only for a little while. They really belong to God and He has a good plan for them, but sometimes that plan works in ways we cannot understand. And they are taken too heaven WAY before we were expecting. I love your explanation of Kairos time, God time. That is what I am going to try to tell the mamas I come across from now on. Carpe Diem the Kairos moments for they are treasure sent to us by God to collect along our long journey up the mountain. GO WARRIORS!
XoXo Susie Q
I think those old ladies are simply trying to tell you to enjoy the youth of your children while they are still young because they grow up soooo fast. Yes, while raising two sons,and for the years since they were11 and 16, who are now 25 and 30 there were times when these old lady comments totally frustrated me but now that my sons are grown I sure do wish I could have some of those hair pulling moments again.
So, so true. My twin girls’ third birthday is today. I just wrote about how hard their first birthday was…primarily because I didn’t feel like I’d “enjoyed” that first year the way I “should have”, and there it was, over.
Today I think I’ve come around…I know this parenting gig is helluva hard, but I like it. Do I like the crying and whining and refusal to sleep past 6:22am? Not exactly. But I can definitely see a much larger picture.
Absolutely perfect and wonderful and as one of the “old” ladies I have to say I could not have said this better myself! Your references to the two types of times is so true. I know you have made lots of moms very happy with this blog!
Thank you for the thoughtful post. I have been a mom for 20 years. Recently, the Lord gave me a gift. He gave me a thankfulness for the way I have invested my life. Many times I have been tempted to choose a different path or look at my life as less than others, especially when I have a messy house, and mismatched clothes, and am so tired that I can hardly string two words together. Many years I thought I was somehow ‘less’ than others because I couldn’t get it right. The other day as I reflected on Gods blessings, my precious children, and the fellowship of Christian friendships we have developed, and the lifestyle we have chosen, I was so thankful that I did not listen to the voices in my head. The fruit of this life is worth the journey.
Not that I carpe diem every single day but it sounds like I definitely have more fun than you do. Your very well written article makes me glad that I only have one. I totally understand where people are coming from when they ask why you would want to add more to your load. Parenting isn’t like climbing Mt everest to me. It’s exhausting but only a few days here and there are painful. Those days consist of me fighting to teach my daughter something new and difficult or when I’m fighting her for no reason. Maybe as she grows and gets older things will change and be more difficult but for now the chrono time is still working for me. I hope it gets easier for you. One last thing, it is possible to love your job. If your husband doesn’t like his then maybe encourage him to find one he does. It isn’t true that he doesn’t face the same pressures in his job. They just come in a different flavor.
My mom was the ‘little old lady’ in my life who told me to cherish the moments with my 4 little girls at my feet. One time I was fussing about my baby sinking her teeth into the headboard of my new pencil post bed. She reminded me how much I would appreciate those teeth marks in years to come. My oldest is 20 now & my youngest 10 years old. And she’s right, my perspective has changed amazingly.
I think we could learn more from the wisdom of the older women who mean no harm in the grocery line. I think of them as the soldiers who have gone before & are telling the warriors what they learned most from the battle. And what they have learned most is: ‘cherish the time. They are only little once & being little is so sweet & so rewarding & so worth seizing the moment.’
Those are messages I needed to hear so that I wasn’t so uptight about the daily mayhem & HARD labor I was doing to rear 4 daughters.
There is always wisdom in listening to those who have gone before — don’t undermine their advice no matter how hard the climb.
How dare you possess the self-awareness to understand that life has phases and stages, and that we each pass through them at our own time, and then move onto the next? Don’t you know you are not supposed to be a sensitive, thoughtful person out in the world? The world is where the insensitive, thick-skinned types populate. When you walk among them, you must do as they do, and open your mouth without thinking. Blurt, blergh, blah, etc. 😉
Great post. Nice to discover you.
THANK YOU for putting this out there. Your perspective is honest and spot on. I appreciate that you’re not afraid to share your thoughts and feelings, because it makes all of us feel a tad more normal. This is the hardest job in the world and it’s not always sunshine and smiles!
well said, warrior goddess…well said 😉
I can see all sides of this. It really IS hard when you’re home alone with more than one very young child! There are certainly days of tears from mama. However, I truly believe that when we reach the season of life from which the advice comes~to enjoy it because it goes so fast~is because we don’t realize those become part of the very memories we miss! It’s a mantra in our house when my darling or I are frustrated: “You’re gonna miss this!” LOL! Sometimes it’s met with an eye roll from the other, but I do take this advice that comes so often to heart. 🙂
Thank you for making me feel like I am not the only one!!!!
Wonderful post! You made so many great points.
It’s amazing the comments you get. Two days before Christmas, on my anniversary no less, I was in line at the pharmacy getting my very sick 8 month old son more medicine because he had an allergic reaction to the first one. An old lady told me to enjoy every moment now because when they grow up all they do is break your heart. Yeah, thanks a lot :-p.
When I read the scene where you imagined yourself as the older lady, saying “I really like your kids- especially the one peeing in the corner,” I laughed so hard I spit breakfast on my phone. 🙂
This is an excellent piece. I too have a hard time with the Carpe Diem-ers, and though I adore my children(especially when they’re asleep), I get really cranky after, say, a week of Christmas vacation. It’s such a balancing act, devoting so much care and attention to these not-quite-yet-empathic beings. It is worth it, of course, but it’s crazy hard. And I think we should be celebrated for the hard. We mamas can have a whole day of attending to needs, breaking up fights, and finding ways to cope with behavior no adult would accept from another adult….and then we still kiss our children and love them. How amazing is that? We’re not bad mothers for recognizing the extreme challenge- we’re superheros!
“I laughed so hard I spit breakfast on the phone.” I am loving this post and all of the responses! Clearly, you are awesome. Keep fighting the good fight, Supermama!
All Well Put! Kairos — That’s what we need to focus on —I just love this line.Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.
Those toddler days were nuts and I have no desire to go back! No regrets for what my life was……………just want to take more picnics today!
G,
This was great! I feel like this every day! Sometimes I feel like I’m doing something wrong or I’m alone in this feeling. You just made me feel 100x better. Thank you 🙂
Great post. I felt the same way often. The other thing that bothers me is when my children were younger, people would warn me “just wait till they are teenagers.” If they were being good, I was to understand that they wouldn’t be good as teenagers. If they were acting up, I was to dread the teenage years even more.
Carpe Diem has nothing to with what this lady is blabbing about.
To “seize the day” means (at least to me, and I assume to Horace, who supposedly originally coined the phrase) to take today “by the horns”, because today is tangible, while tomorrow is (while we often take it for granted) imaginary, and not guaranteed.
This lady’s blabber is more akin to hating on the concept of “stopping to smell the roses”. That’s fine, maybe she just has a lousy olfactory sense. If so, I can empathize. And frankly, when it comes to the older people in Target butting-in with the stereotypical “they grow up so fast!” comments, I admit I’ve wanted to punch one or two of those folks in the nose. Fortunately for me, it seems those people are less likely to harass a random man than a random woman.
I digress. This blogger lady has a decent point … we, as parents, do not have to feel guilty if we’re not constantly euphorically basking in the glory that is rearing young children. And it is obnoxious how many people make it a point to remind strangers with young kids that we should “cherish every moment!” However, none of this has zilch to do with the concept of Carpe Diem. In fact, it’s equally possible to “seize the day” today without one’s kids as it is to “seize the day” with them.
she didn’t bring carpe diem into the conversation, the little old ladies did. So go complain to them that they aren’t applying it correctly.
“being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong”
Nicole, the author clearly uses carpe diem concept (as quoted above) on her own as she reflects on how this phrase being said to her makes her feel, that appeared to be the basis for this article. However, gratitude and ecstasy and happiness have nothing to do with it seizing the day. Being spontaneous, ignoring fear and ignoring practicality might (all difficult things for the parent). However, her musings on being urged to carpe diem had nothing to do with seizing the day parenting-wise or otherwise.
I’m with Michael. While I generally agreed with the intent of the blog, the misuse/misinterpretation of Carpe Diem was distracting and confusing. I kept wondering when she would address ‘seizing the day’, thinking the article might focus on trying to be good parent by doing new things with your kids everyday, throwing caution to the wind, or tyring super mom with 2 job, 3 hobbies, and 4 kids, and perpetual new ideas and energy etc.
Otherwise I appreciated her intent to encourage parents who are tired/frustrated and letting them know its OKAY and normal to not squeal with delight while in the trenches.
well maybe I’m just thinking from my experiences….which are people saying, “carpe diem….youve got to take advantage of these times and enjoy your children while you can!” it’s like they want youdo something to make your parenting experience it’s most memorable. So it’s not me misusing the phrase and I am thinking this is where she is coming from. I find the criticism a little iffy at best.
And what, pray tell, are you even blabbering about? This blog post has nothing to do with your blabbering. None of your comment has zilch to do with this blog post.
The title of the post WAS “Lesson #2: Don’t Carpe Diem” and the notion of how to not seize the day wasn’t addressed. The post did address how not seizing the day helps you to be a good parent. Seizing doesn’t have anything to do with thankfulness, joy, or gratitude.
Micheal’s “blabbering” was on-point. It was an appropriate comment given the (mis)use of the phrase throughout the post.
True, the title was misleading…however I believe this coined phrase can mean something slightly different to different people. They way I took it was that she felt like she was SUPPOSED to “take the bull by the horns”, jump over the bumpy moment and try to enjoy it instead of dreading it. The point she was trying to get across, in the end, had nothing to do with whether she used the phrase correctly or not. The point, in my opinion, was to let other frazzled women know that they are not alone. I appreciate this sentiment. It’s honesty.
Hi Micheal! I am very open to your comments but reading them did upset me. This is allowed here, right? One day you too, will be old. And you will find yourself looking at sweet young families like Glennon’s and everyone else’s here — and you too will probably say the same thing – looking back to the wonderful and difficult times of raising your own. I am not a nosey person. I am an honest to goodness, caring person who loves to give a nice comment to harried-looking mom’s or dad’s and their beautiful children. We mean well. Well, at least I do.
Signed,
An old, obnoxious, proud, blabbering lady and grandmother who will wear boxing gloves for the person who dares to punch me in the face.
This post is well written, but I have to agree with the above. It conflates three different ideas: living purposefully/intentionally (carpe diem), being present in every moment (a la Buddhist and new age teachings), and being happy. Carpe diem doesn’t mean always being happy. Carpe diem is seeking out opportunities to make your days memorable. It’s a front-end decision. Happiness is choosing to take whatever life throws your way (even when it’s really boring and suckie) with an amount of joy and light. It’s a back-end decision.
That said, I appreciate the chronos/kairos distinction, and it seems as though we’re on the same wave length, just using a different vocabulary.
What a great reminder!
Some friends of ours adopted a baby and we got to meet this 10 day old baby yesterday. My youngest is 2 & a half and still feels like a baby to me. But holding that 10 day old baby and remembering how short of a time it was since even our 9 yr. old was that tiny gave my husband and I a “kairos moment”. I have my 9 yr. old daughter going on 15; a 6 yr old son and a 2.5 yr. old son and some days feel like a whirl wind of sports and homework, etc. But holding that tiny baby and remembering our kids at that age helped us regain a perspective on how fast this time of our life flies by. I think I need to hold newborns more often. 🙂 We ended up dragging our 2.5 yr. old from his crib and having him sleep in bed with us for a while.
Anyways, thanks so much for this post!
Lovely read 🙂 here is what I told a friend on FB about your post…thanks for sharing
about REAL LIFE things & how everyone is seeking some magical force to make them happy that really does not exsist!
“very well put 🙂 and it is true, it does go by quickly though (coming from one who has a teen behind the drivers seat, a tween dealing with really mean bullies in school & two more behind them in grade school) it seems like after they start school, there is a fast forward button someone pressed and you can not hit pause 🙁 it is hard, parenting is not for the weak I say often lol but I guess in all of this, enjoy the little things, the lay in bed & watch movie days, the “I did not have to spank anyone today” days, the “did she really just say/do that” days, because soon, all too soon, they will be out of the house & we will have spotless homes (well I won’t but some people might), quiet, endless hours to do whatever they want…it is lonely, I have not figured out what to do with myself with all four in school all day, volunteering is only a few hours a few times a month….anyhow, yes, you do not require every moment to be perfect & relish in it, but do appreciate the little things, even if it is everyone was fed for the day :D”
For the last year, I was trying to be more in the present moment in my life, and reading more about meditation and buddhism. I had so many people coming to me telling me to enjoy every second of my life with my 2 young children….. My 4 years old who only started sleeping more then 1 hour a night 1 year ago, and my 2 years old who do award winning tantrums in stores in front of a nice judging crowd.
For a year, I thought “I” was not ok to enjoy these moments….. until I heard a conference that Pema Chodron did a few years ago. A woman came to her and asked a simple question: ” How can you be in peace, meditate and be in constant awareness wen you have young children?” Her answer was simple: ” you can`t! ”
I just love her!!! Because it`s so true. You can`t! You can`t be enjoying every second and be in total awareness and be grateful all the time…. you just can`t! Because you are in a giving mode. We give our time, patience, love, care, and so more for raising good human being.
I love your vision of climbing Mont Everest… Just LOVE it! Thank you so much for sharing that beautiful vision with us. I know I will remember it next time someone tell me to enjoy every moments… and I will tell them that climbing is hard, but I do stop to enjoy the view once in a wile 😉
Thank you so much for this post. This is what I try to do every day (seize the Kairos), but I almost always feel SO guilty for not “enjoying every moment.” When my two-almost-three-year-old screams “NO! GO AWAY!” at me for the fiftieth time that day just because I’m trying to read a book to her … When my eleven-month-old throws a toddler-sized tantrum just because I’m trying to do something mom-like, like change her diaper or wipe food off her face … Those are moments I do not enjoy. I can very honestly say that.
So why do I always feel so guilty for being that honest? Because there are all those little old ladies around me, too, telling me to “ENJOY EVERY MINUTE.” But there are also those wiser, sensitive older women who tell me, “Mothering is hard, but it’s worth it.” I love those women, and I hope to be one someday. And I will definitely steal your idea of buying groceries for a young, harried mother in line in front of me (or behind me) one day!
The time my daughter peed in the display toilet at Lowe’s remains a source of story telling enjoyment years later. We too made a swift exit.
Holy coffee spewing from my nostrils! Great!
Excellent post, thank you! “It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.” —Jimmy Dugan from A League of Their Own
Everyone does do it – welcome to the 7 billion…