When parenting, especially during one of those difficult moments (or hours, or days), ask yourself, “Is this going to matter in a year from now, three years from now, five years from now?” If not, don’t worry. Just enjoy your children, in that moment, for who they are. If it is going to matter (like running into the street, or playing with knives), gently correct them, then enjoy them, in that moment, for who they are. Nothing they do, except when danger may be involved, is worth getting frustrated over. Just ENJOY
every single minute you have with them. They are only children once.

I LOVE YOU! You are gifted with words and presented being a stay at home mom ‘as it is’. Thankyou for this article that makes me feel as if I vented without even saying a word. As my toddler and baby are screaming in the bakground this artile brought me back to sanity.

OMG! This is freakin awesome!! “Especially that one peeing in the corner, she’s my favorite!” Lmao! I specifically got on here to google sites where mamas could complain, then I found love….you!

Mamas being honest about their feelings is missing. We all need an outlet to vent & tell the truth about our feelings & not be judged!

Keep ’em coming sister!

Probably i have to disagree with you, if you search in google, you can find info completely different what you said, so who should i believe ?

Oh my goodness – I SO needed this today. THANK YOU!

I love you! You just made us stay at home moms feel like we aren’t the only one in the world!

AMEN!!! This is perfectly summed up how I feel and thank you and the Good Lord I am not alone in it!

I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back down the road. Many thanks|

This made me cry. That is all.

All I can say is WOW that sums it up for me and how I have been feeling lately! Thank you for this blog!

lol! Loved this!

I believe this site holds very great indited content articles.

I am close to being an empty nester, and I agree those were hard days when my kids were young (when they pelted the mirrored closet doors because it hurt too much to throw golf balls at each other – or asked why that lady had hair on her face in the grocery line , the painful teacher conferences, or …..). But if I could, I would relive them all in a heartbeat!!!
Let me prefice; I realize it is easier to reflect back on those difficult “baby” years (0-18 years -lol ) now that my children have overcome lifes hurdles and turned out to be wonderful adults and amazing parents themselves, but my life had so much more meaning and purpose when I was actively parenting.
I guess the moral of the story is to CARPE DIEM – EVERY phase of life. May a young mom come up to me when I’m feeling not so needed ….and remind me to “enjoy the moments I spend with my adult children and their children; they go by fast”!
Bless all moms – we are the core of the family.

I seriously LOVE this perspective and can so relate to being told countless times, “enjoy every moment. It goes so fast.” And I just feel pressure and guilty. I know person telling me that most likely has the best of intentions in their hearts. And I love my job as mommy. There is truly nothing else I would rather be doing. That doesn’t mean that I am going to live in every moment and love every moment. It does mean that there will be wonderful Kairos moments, as you say. And while others may say you are negative, I say THANK YOU for being honest and real. For not pretending. And for inviting us Monkees to be honest and real as well. THANK YOU! Today I am thankful for you!

You are an amazing writer and I LOVE your honesty and where you are coming from. I guess it’s because it’s where I come from 😉 … May you be blessed with many kairos!

As a mother if 3 (all under the age of 8) I couldn’t agree more!! Thank you for the open and honest truth! Better yet thank you for the laugh and tears all at the same time!!

I have had moments where time freezes. Until this post, I never had a word for it, I just knew time had shifted for a second. Like the time I drove my two oldest to the store. The sun was setting ahead of us, the car was full of the golden end-of-day light, the radio was on. And both of them were giggling and swinging their heads to the rhythm of the music on the radio. I glanced in my rear-view mirror at them, and life froze. The image stuck in my head, like a photograph I could go back to time and time again. Thank you for so eloquently explaining this phenomenon. My goal is now not to enjoy every moment but to learn to appreciate those kairos moments more. Those moments are truly magical … I have no other way to explain it … Maybe they are gifts somehow … little glimpses of how heaven will feel.

I share this post on average once a month. You got it so spot on. I’m relieved that someone else understands.

Oh, don’t take the old ladies’ comments as a criticism of you, they are really not making any judgments about your parenting. They are thinking about themselves, and nostalgically remembering….it is just their way of telling you that the years after parenting is finished are so lonely by comparison to those when you have your children young and with you and loving you. And that they wish they could go back and relive the time when they had lots of children in the house, lots of activity, and little ones who loved them. I am now in the post-parenting stage; kids grown and gone. They have their own lives; they no longer care about me, I feel that they don’t want to hear from me. And I have physical ailments and limitation abounding in my life, and restricting the activities I can do. I know that my best days are gone. If I could go back to that earlier time, I would, in a heartbeat.

I think we appreciate the kairos moments BECAUSE we have the Target meltdown moments. “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.” As humans, we can’t fully understand joy without knowing sorrow. If all we ever had were happy, shining moments with our kids, we would take them for granted. It’s in the difficult times that we learn and grown and those challenging moments make the sweet moments all the more precious.

This is just spot on…my children are grown..but I still have moments of wonder when spending precious time..and the grandbabs..well what can I say. just a heart pouch full of memories of treasured moments…I didn’t find being a Mum easy..was still a child myself..but amidst all the hard times I remember those moments of sheer wonder..thank you for capturing just ” HOW IT IS” xxx
MezzieCrow

Thank you. Thank you. I posted this on FB last night. We have 6 year old b/g twins. Enough said. (And they are realllllllly good kids too)

Again, thank you!

Shannon in Texas

I agree with your blog post. I raised three children, and when they were young, most of the time I felt totally stressed out. Every day was an ordeal. I felt that there was not much support or understanding from society in general, and unfortunately, my husband was not supportive. My kids turned out great–it’s just that it’s not easy being a parent.

I am sitting here trying to put into words what I feel after reading this… I am comstantly surrounded by “little old lady” words you mentioned. In stores, in magazines, by family members, etc. This is the first time I have heard someone else put into words what I have been feeling. You have truly made this stay at home mother of two small children feel uplifted. I want to hug your neck; thank you.

I am a runner. I run in the morning so that for the rest of the day, I can say “I ran X number of miles today.” I’ve always said that I LOVE running, except for when I’m actually running. When I’m actually running, I hate it. Yes, I have built up my endurance, and yes, there are times when my body takes over and I feel like a gazelle, or like a machine that is just going on it’s own, but those times are precious and rare,and even after 16 years (minus 4 pregnancies) running is always hard. I just love “having run.” And that is reason enough to keep me going again and again. 🙂

Best. Blog post. Ever.

I just found this post thanks to Pinterest. I was crying by the end, thankful that someone had put into words what I was feeling. Thank you for making me feel less alone and guilty, it is just what I needed today!

This is amazing! I almost started crying while reading it! It’s so true and you are definitely a great mom! It’s nice to know that it’s normal to feel this way sometimes and that I’m not the only one… =) Thank you for writing this!

It is so beautiful and so true. Thank you.

Sometimes I just carpe vino and say something really bad that I can’t post in your comments section.
Heh.
Caryl

This is the first time I have read your blog. And all I can say is Thank you. I needed to that

I am a mother of two adult children. I am grateful every day for them.. but those early years were some of the hardest of my life. I think that “enjoy” is the wrong word for many of us. Just as marathon runners feel satisfaction at the end of their run, and probably elation at times during it, but few would use the word “enjoy” to describe their minute by minute feelings.

Amen.

Thank you so much for your honesty, Glennon – I just came across your blog this week by way of Kelle Hampton’s (God love her!) and I can’t wait to follow you as well. Your posts bring tears to my eyes, your honesty and openness is refreshing, albeit scary for you, I am sure – i love that you are so real. Just wanted to say thank you for being you, and for sharing it with me – I needed to know that I am not the only one not carpe’ing more diems, feeling bad for not loving every second of my children, but what I am going to do is carpe more karioses, because that, that is REAL. Thank you, and looking forward to more reading.

I love your blog, Glennon. You’ve made me laugh and you’ve made me cry – sometimes at the same time.

I’ve read many of your blog entries and never commented before The first part of your story, however, compelled me to share some wonderful advice I received once, many years before I had my children. I direct it toward the people who DARE to ask you how or why you might have a fourth child when you’re stressed out by three.

My dear friend Margaret, mother to six children and one of the greatest moms I have ever known broke down the idea of parenting larger families perfectly for me. She said people have often asked her how she managed six, and her reply was always the same: “Anything after two is the same. You can have three or you can have thirteen; it just doesn’t matter. Once you switch from a man-on-man to a zone defense, numbers don’t matter. You strap on the riot gear, pull down the visor, and wade into the chaos.” She would be thrilled if you quoted her when asked such a rude question.

Fight on, Sister. You’re doing a great job!

Love love you, Glennon.

I love your Momastery ~and your matins spent at the laptop (4:30 a.m.? yikes) I clicked in yesterday from Nell @ http://www.allbrittons.com/ but I’m not a mama. However, you reminded me of Kairos. And it came just when I was feeling very much side-lined from any sort of real life (I live abroad, in a foreign culture which I loathe more than love, and do no share their flavor of religion) and it struck me, I am blessed to live as much in Kairos as Chronos. In fact, that is how these people live ~without respect for Chronos at all; difficult for an American who knows how to tell time~ with the caveat that •their• Kairos is more important than anyone else’s anything. I digress. Thank you for being the agent of illumination that this side-lining is Kairos and blessing. Today my personal Bible study showed me that even in exile, John kept his faith and was found trustworthy. My exile is a season of Kairos. Blessings on your Momastery and all your Monkees.

Thank you for being brave enough to post this! I feel like you have spoken to MOST mothers who admit outright that parenting is very difficult and catch themselves wishing away time during the day. I find, now that my daughter is 2, we go out less and less in public places and when we do, they are extremely limited to 1-2 per day. She is very curious, active, and can be rambunctious. I do not want to stiffle down her independence but I also do not want to set myself up for a hissy fit starred by my daughter. I too find myself daily thinking, “okay.. only 2 more hours until naptime… I can fold the laundry, or clean the floors.” Forget any chance of naping along with my child, this is the time that I can get stuff done that if she were awake, she would be right in the middle “helping.” While most times I laugh and prasie her for trying to help, I will get frustrated when I can’t get anything done or the things I have completeld, she turns around and destroys it! (ie. folded laundry… unfolded and thrown on the floor, lol) In the grocery store, she wants a ball because she sees that HUGE display but you tell her no because you already have a major surplus at home. This results in a full out melt down in the middle of the store, you try and pick them up and they turn their bodies into noodles, you get on their level and they try to run from you so in that split second, you swoop them up and head off in another direction hoping and praying that if the balls are “out of sight, they will be out of mind.” When she gets me frustrated and I start wishing this to pass or even think “why did I want to do this?” a nanosecond later I look into her eyes and see her sweet spirit and hear her laugh as I am galloping (looking like a fool) through the grocery store. My heart swells and I don’t care what I look like because I know that I would do ANYTHING for my daughter no matter how hard it is at times. Days like today where I feel like I have spent ALL DAY cleaning the house and have only gotten the floors cleaned, the dog bathed, living room cleaned, and the bathrooms cleaned. In the meantime, my 2 year old daughter has been entertaining herself by reading her books and playing with the dog. I did take frequent brakes and spent a few minutes with her but then had to go off to do the next thing. Now that she is asleep in her bed, I feel guilty for cleaning the house all day and not spending time with her. While she was in a pleasant mood all day, I feel guilty for not taking her to the park and letting her play outside, or plan an activity to do with some of her friends and their mommies. With me HAVING to work and not BEING ABLE to stay at home with her, I feel like I am missing out on so much of this important time. When I have to do the other side of the motherly and wifely duties such as cooking and cleaning, I feel guilty becasue I could be spending that time on the floor with my daughter playing games and reading books with her. I have had women come up to me as I was eating lunch with my daughter (9mos at the time), my friend, and her (6mos at the time) old son. My friend had gone to the restroom (the only child free potty break of the day) and so it looked like I had twins and was eating out by myself. One of the elderly women put their hand on my shoulder and said, “You sure are brave!” I started laughing and agreed but I did tell her that the other was my friend’s who was in the restroom. She started laughing but I told her I still agreed with her. As mothers we are VERY BRAVE! During tough times I remember this and that God gives us only what we can handle and that it will all pass and I will survive. Looking back on the last 2 years, I am realizing why women are so ready to have more so quickly after they last one. They do grow up too fast. When others stop and tell me this, I do agree with them but then if my daughter is acting up.. I too respond with “GOOD! You just gave me hope!” as I am laughing and say that this will be a great story to tell them when they are older. Thank you again for letting me know that I am not the only one!!

I am reading this late- its already almost school time in 2012- and I have no idea if you have time to read your replys or not but hang in there. No one can life life celebrating the life that we have been given and on top of the world 24/7. The world we are navigating through is enough to zap the natural optimism in most people by the time they get to work- or to the store- in most people. I didn’t find your post oppressive or even depressed- it was honest-and entertaining. I am reading this post off of a friends friends post- and want to say hey.. you are doing good. To be able to be let go of the guilt of not feeling every moment is special and taking the time to savor those that are is a feat in its self.
My own experiences have pretty well trashed my notions of what I thought being a mother would be like. Every mothering experience is going to be different.. just like every child is going to be different. We all have struggles- some of which are of our own making- and some of which are just part of living in this world. How we let those struggles affect us and how we use our struggles tells a lot about how well we are dealing with life. It seems to me that you are woman who has chosen to live- and to live as well as you can possibly manage it. Keep your heart true, keep your sense of humor finely honed, and keep the faith. You are a gift .. I hope you are cherished.

Sorry, having lost 1 of my 3 children, enjoy every minute you are given. You don’t have to be in constant bliss, but even the bad times are better than no times.

Flipping Brilliant!

Beautiful and amazing and honest. However, don’t be upset at the do=gooder old ladies. You’re right= they loved having parented. They would give anything to ahve those momnets back, even the hard ones. Imagine how much they miss their own youg children. I know that when my little ones are all grown up and gone, I will look at htese days, even the hard ones, as the happiest of my life. You don’t have to be happy every single second, but you have to know that even the worst, most frustrating day will be sorely missed when these days are gone. I love you mention of God’s time. I try to remember to say thank you each day, but I am happy that your post was brought into my life so I can say thank you in a new way. God bless you and your family.

Namaste! Your posts are quite endearing, and I appreciate the comic relief from the expectations to excel and exult and enjoy, though I admit that I never thought of carpe diem that way. To me, carpe diem has been a license to forget about the cares of the day, the deadlines of the morrow, and latch on. Sure the original poem also says something like, “for tomorrow may never come” but no one even gets there … provided they are seizing today 🙂

Do you remember quality time? What do you think of it? Because reading your post, dismissing the idea that time goes by “so fast” and highlighting those moments when time “stands still,” it occurred to me that this was quality time on overdrive – you remember when Doonesbury called the bluff of quality-time mongers with the question “what if your child needs more than 15 minutes?” (2/21/82). Fast forward to 1/14/12 and come down to a few quality moments. After all, you say, that you “”can’t even carpe 15 minutes in a row,.” That was funny, to be sure, I laughed and quoted it often. But I couldn’t tell if it was something you felt worth changing or simply “redefined success” to accept, indeed celebrate.

There seems to be a trend of late to describe parenting as hard, tedious, no fun, etc. that one would do because of the rewards that make up for it – like the mountain climbing metaphor you use … one of your commenters says, “the fantastic moments make the horrible moments livable and worth it.” This misses the point. I feel an important perspective is lacking. The rough patches often become our greatest teachers and give us our deep bonds and lasting memories. And indeed, the day to day routine work is the glue (that holds up the Kodak-moment pictures, if you will).

Would you want to be airlifted to the top of the mountain so that you could get the breathtaking view without the hard climbing? Would that help to maximize your quality time? Would you only show up for the recitals and family vacations and skip all the daily chores, and listening to the series of fascinating topics and head-scratching problems that arise just as one is trying to get out of the house or go to sleep?

(just asking)

Loved this!! You nailed it for me, I laughed, I cried and I related!

Thank-you! This was beautiful! I think so often being a mom is burdened with guilt for not doing one thing or another… You have beautifully relieved that burden with such a truthful account. I liked how you compared it to your husbands job and how you don’t expect him to love every minute of it so why do people expect mothers to love every minute of mothering…. Thanks again…

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hi, i read carpe diem, it is excellent! i have had the same thought many times, and it was so gratifying to see you express it so honestly and FUNNY! I love the part about being on Mount Everest and having people cheer, “you should love this”,… you’ll only do this once, enjoy every minute, as your feet are bleeding, you are freezing and wind is blowing debris in your face. (Not your words, but same idea!)
It makes me feel like not such a grumbly person when it is said to me!
I also love your Kairos time. I try to ask G-d’s help to be in every waking moment I remember and am willing!
THANK YOU!

W.O.W. You’re a fantastic writer, A, and you so get it, B! I work with older adults (well, old adults actually, who’ve lived a super long time, and every once in awhile share their wisdom with me) and they always tell me “Honey, enjoy the moment – you’ll be here before you know it!” And sometimes I think…well, it’s better than going home and dealing with sassy kids and cooking dinner when I hate to cook, and trying to clean a toilet when I can’t even get to the gym”…but over the years I’ve learned to try to do exactly what you’ve so eloquently and craftily written about – take a moment and really really be aware of how fortunate we are to be able to be annoyed about this stuff instead of being distraught about something really bad that we can’t change – being paralyzed or having a head injury or a stroke. I’m so glad a friend shared this with me! I can’t wait to read what else you have to say 😉
Linda

Thank you! I needed to read this and thanks to a friend who pointed me in the right direction I feel much better about my parenting. I feel exactly like that. I am tired of hearing that time moves so fast. Yes, I’m aware of that, thank you. But knowing that doesn’t make those difficult moments less difficult. I try to remember in those extremely difficult moments that I would rather be having a hard time than to wake up and find that something had happened to that particular child and they are no longer with me. But that is hard to remember during those “chronos” times. I am going to try your approach. 🙂

I am pretty sure I have said “Enjoy this time, it is fleeting.” I will have to think before I speak. As a mother of two adult children you look back with missing those times yet when your in them they are very, very hard! Here I am years later, blogging, reading posts, doing Pinterest and I still don’t know how to seize the day. How many days in a year can we really seize the day. Maybe a few days on vacation or a day at Disneyland. I try to make the most of them. How many people do you hear say “It’s so nice having Grandchildren because at the end of the day you give them back!” It does go by fast but I know I didn’t enjoy every moment.

We women need to be kinder to one another instead of judgemental. There is no head higher than our own, nor our childrens.’ Often we try to validate ourselves or the job that we are doing by comparing ourselves and our skills against other women. This tendency underlies our beliefs about parenting and contributes to the message that often we face; unless you enjoy all of your experiencs as a parent, keeping your mouth shut about the difficulties, you are not a worthy enough mother and you are not well enough. Many women probably do not share the viewpoint I am describing, but I truly believe that the pressures on us are greatly minimized by society. We are expected to do the work of a woman and a man. I really enjoyed your article and thought it communicated the message that we must be willing to admit to one another the message you clearly state above: Because parenting is hard, it means you ARE doing a good job. We will feel less alone and more connected to the experience of motherhood when we take it easier on ourselves and each other. Thanks for this article! As a new mom I am constantly bombarded with self-doubt, criticizing myself for feeling the roller coaster of emotions I face each day. This was validating to me and my experience. Thank you!

Bravo for being real-

Let’s get real people. Glennon has posted what a lot of us wish we could say but are afraid to. Of course we love our children, sticky fingers and all. However, we have to be honest about how parenting is … it’s tough and there’s no shame in admitting that our children can try our patience at times and that we would rather be sitting on a beach with a book and a cool drink instead of scrubbing the walls that our child just crayoned on. My son just graduated from college and I am so proud of him. Of course I looked back over the last 23 years and thought about all we’ve been through. Has it been all good; of course not. We’ve had some trying times. But we worked through those hard times and I believe the hard times have made the good times all the better. Now I am dealing with elderly parents who are demanding and try my patience. I remind myself every day that I love them and I want to take care of them. On the other hand, there are days where I want to disconnect my phone and move away. It’s just life and we are just human. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves and other moms to put on a perfect face and act like everything is hunky-dory. Even if there are times when I do not “seize the day,” I am still able to thank God for all that I have and am grateful for sticky fingers, crayoned walls and sons who finally graduate from college.

before i had kids, i saw a mom out with what seemed like about 6 kids (probably it was less) all misbehaving and screaming. i see an old woman walk over to the mom, and i remember thinking to myself, she’s gonna ask that lady to tell her kids to be quiet and behave, and instead she thanked the mom for letting her enjoy seeing her happy lovely children and how it had brightened her whole day.

now i have no idea if the old lady meant it or was just being nice, but i’ve puzzled over it many times since then wondering do older people really only see the good of kids, and parenting, when they look back? i think the old lady really only saw the beauty of those small kids and not their terrible behavior.

anyway, ramble over. loved this post even if i am finding it late via an inch of gray…

Love it! Especially your view about Kairos moments. Raising children is hard work(been there,done that) however parenting doesn’t exactly end at a certain age. As, I have heard it said—“Is it safe to go outside today?”— There is no one perfect time in life. There is always something…and we must carry on. Moments are all we have.

Man, it’s a bummer that by the time you’re old, I’ll be old … I’d LOVE to run into the old version of you at the grocery store right about now!!

die Oberfl?che des um den Kreis B beschriebene geradliniche Figur zu der darein beschriebenen Kegels zum Kreis B welches unm?glich ist. Denn. die Oberfl?che der Pyramide http://www.taschenchanelonlineshop.com/

I saw this post on a friend’s FB page. I have read many blogs from Mom’s talking about how parenting isn’t always 100% glory, some parts of it downright suck. While I totally agree with this, I found your blog so negative and sad. I have been both a stay at home Mom and a working Mom. My children are young (4 & 6) and I know that little ones can be the most stressful. They require tons of attention and patience. I get it – 100%. I talk with my girlfriends about certain frustrations; lack of sleep, repeating myself so many times I go crazy; sometimes wishing they were older. They are getting older now and life is so much easier than it was even a year ago. Each day brings new lessons I learn from each of them. They are growing quickly – those early days seem like a distant memory. I don’t always wish for them back, but sometime I wish I would have made myself calm in the moments of frenzy and just sucked in all in. I do that now – knowing how quickly it will go. I guess I was sad when I read that you only find small moments in the day to really look at your children and reflect on how amazing they are. Your day should mostly be filled with these moments. It truly sounds like you don’t enjoy it and I just find that sad. Kids sense when Mommy isn’t happy and they react to it. I discovered mediation and now do this regularly to help me center myself and focus on moment – to live in the now. It has helped me so much and now I teach both of my children to meditate and we do this every night before bed. Not every moment is perfect and its fun to vent frustrations using humor. But, most moments should be happy and full of love and joy. I wish you the best.

I heard this post about a month ago at a women’s conference and it totally made my day. Today a friend emailed it to me and I am so grateful as I have forgotten about it since then. I have three small children, once who was born with heart problems, and I find my days filled with wishing I had “time” to myself. Chronos time no doubt. I struggle with all the fighting and whining and feeling like I just suck and everything. And then other days are fun and full of love. I’m not always sure what the difference is, but I know I need to try harder. And not just harder but smarter. I am so exhausted all the time it is hard to have energy for the little people who matter most. From one mother to another, thanks for your confidence in motherhood.

You have to realize that this blog entry of yours is my favorite blog entry of all time. I read it out loud to my family last night (all the inlaws, aunts and uncles) you had us crying and laughing and talking for hours about memories about parenting. Thank you for such beautiful and honest writing. It went up on my face book page again for the 3rd time this year. You have a talent for sure…and your kids are beautiful!