Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh– Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.
I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.
And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” – those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.
Now. I’m not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: “Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast.”
At that particular moment, Amma had swiped a bra from the cart and arranged it over her sweater, while sucking a lollipop undoubtedly found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. A losing contestant. I couldn’t find Chase anywhere, and Tish was sucking the pen from the credit card machine WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, “Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you.”
That’s not exactly what I wanted to say, though.
There was a famous writer who, when asked if she loved writing, replied, “No. but I love having written.” What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, “Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t mean you love having parented?”
I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I’m being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times – G, if you can’t handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?
That one always stings, and I don’t think it’s quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It’s a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don’t ever feel the need to suggest that he’s not doing it right, or that he’s negative for noticing that it’s hard, or that maybe he shouldn’t even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he’s ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: “This career stuff…it goes so fast…ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? THE FISCAL YEAR FLIES BY!! CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!”
My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.
But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.” And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add– “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”
Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn’t work for me.I can’t even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.
Here’s what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.
Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. Kairos is those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day, and I cherish them.
Like when I actually stop what I’m doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can’t hear her because all I can think is – This is the first time I’ve really seen Tish all day, and my God – she is so beautiful. Kairos.
Like when I’m stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I’m haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I’m transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles of healthy food I’ll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world’s mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.
Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.
These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.
If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
Join Glennon on Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram
2,618 Comments
This post reminded me of this video. I think it fits pretty well! http://www.lds.org/pages/mormon-messages?lang=eng#moments-that-matter-most
This was a perfect Mother’s Day gift of a read today!
Fantastic!! There is nothing else I can say to this. So true. As a mother of twins, for the past 12 years, I always get asked the same question, “Tell me it gets easier, please?” And I can’t lie. It doesn’t get “easier.” So I tell them the truth. “Well, some things get easier and others get harder, they grow… it gets DIFFERENT.” Parenting is fantastic moments mixed in with horrible moments. Yes, the fantastic moments make the horrible moments livable and worth it, but not every single moment is going to be one we enjoy.
[…] Don’t Carpe Diem […]
Wow! I can’t tell you how often I feel this way as a young mom to two little boys. I am always worring that I am doing it wrong, because some days, I just want to pull my hair out. Thank you so much for sharing! Amazing!
[…] grown, or even before they’re stinky, hormonal teenagers. I hope you’ve all read the “Don’t Carpe Diem” post on Momastery.com. That’s good stuff. It’s whack to expect us to all relish every […]
[…] https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]
Thanks! I’ve often felt that it’s the moments in between the madness that make it real, rather than reaching for the far-off, impossible every-moment-counts version of reality. Nicely done! – Dayna at daynawrites.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for sharing. You put my exact thoughts into words. This is beautifully written and so very perfect. Simply amazing.
[…] to momastary.com for this blog at the beginning of the year that has helped me immensely through that concept. It was posted just […]
[…] nanosecond of motherhood. Momastery blog writer, Glennon Melton, said it well in her post about Kairos vs. chronos time. Taking her lead, I’m going to relish and remember the Kairos moments we do get and […]
[…] has been much discussion on the internet between mothers, stemming from this blog post, about whether we should feel the need “Carpe Diem” every single moment of […]
Love this post!! I had no idea what Kairos was, thank you for teaching me something today. It makes me want to stop more often and have Kairos moments, reflect on them and maybe journal them so that I wouldn’t forget them. It’s a good way to recognize God’s tender mercies.
Wow. In tears as I finish reading this. Thank you for sharing your very REAL thoughts and emotions. It is nice to know I am not alone.
[…] unique kind of day that is filled with kairos moments, as one mama blogger referred to them in a riveting blog entry that I adored and forwarded to many friends, referenced in many conversations for weeks following […]
Carpe Ciem doesn’t mean sit back, reflect and enjoy. It’s glaring to write a whole blog post using an aphorism incorrectly. Seize is active, the day meaning today … so it is to take advantage of the day because there may not be a tomorrow. The analogy you use of the climbers is an example of carpe diem, although uncomfortable and trying; they are seizing the day. The climbers response to the people stationed every thirty feet would be “look up Carpe Diem and realize it looks like this” not people sitting back holding hands looking at the view.
another example: The writer you quote, as she writes as an unenjoyable experience but likes having written has seized the day. Carpe Diem is not write if it is enjoyable, It is write because you must; it is what you want to accomplish in this short life we live, even if the process is unenjoyable.
Here is the translation by poet Quintus Horatius Flaccus of its original use, “While we’re talking, envious time is fleeing: pluck the day, put no trust in the future.” It’s a call to action.
A Carpe Diem moment for Craig, your husband who is a salesman, isn’t enjoy and appreciate his job, it may be to offer to give the big presentation or to call a big perspective client that he is nervous about and makes him uncomfortable because much is at stake and he wants to claim career success in this life.
I get your point about it being hard living in the moment but living in the moment and enjoying alone is not carpe diem. For a parent, the act of having children was seizing the day because this is what they wanted for their life before it was over, not walking around with the knowledge every second of the day that you should be enjoying every moment.
Well said.
How sad that in needing to make Glennon wrong for her use of “carpe diem” and to make yourself feel superior..that you totally missed the point of the blog..that’s right brainiac..you did not get it….
[…] worry about carpe diem. Be gentle with yourself. Go one day at a time. Eat some chocolate. Go on runs. Plant some […]
My beautiful 30 year old daughter, wife and mother of a 4, 2 and 1 year old gave me a copy of this to read! Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read this because I felt that Sarah had written this. She is a stay at home mom and always has a smile on her face. You never hear her complain about her busy, hectic day or how tired she is. Musical beds are played nightly and still Sarah wakes up humming! I am so thankful that God gave me such a loving, compassionate, fun, Christian daughter. I am thankful that she placed this in my hands so that I may never judge or criticize her housekeeping, parenting, etc. again. Thank you sweet, beautiful daughter. I love you!
[…] and shame (those are the topics of the talks) are prime reasons why blog posts like “Don’t Carpe Diem” go viral. Life and mommyhood are not all soft, fuzzy light and perfectly mismatched clothes […]
Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and come back to read more of your helpful information. Thank you for the post. I will definitely return.
We have the expertise to work on the cost effective Simply Accounting by Sage Premium 2011 to your complete satisfaction. Outsource Simply Accounting by Sage Premium 2011 to us and get benefited.
I could not agree with the fact more! Excellent write-up, have a very wonderful day, Cya.
You’re a genius… a good writer…. and funny! I have twins that are 22 months- these are my exact thoughts at times.. thanks for saying them so beautifully!
Thank you for your honesty! You captured what it is to raise three little ones so very well. I feel just as you do as I raise my three little boys, 5, 3, and 20 mo! I am usually exhausted and find myself beating myself up over what a failure I must be to not have enjoyed today, to want bedtime to come more quickly! Thank you for sharing that you feel this to and for seeing the joy in the little moments!
[…] Don’t Carpe Diem – by Glennon of Momastery […]
[…] https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ […]
[…] there was Glendon’s cry to not carpe diem and to soak in the kairos moments. Then the Huffington Post offered “Apologies to The Parents […]
[…] blog (her blog is the most famous blogs in the planet right now, I think), after her viral post Don’t Carpe Diem, but in case you don’t know about it, I felt that I needed to mention it because I find her […]
[…] 2011 lesson #2: Don’t Carpe Diem: Loved this post over on Momastery so much I immediately subscribed to her blog: “Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen: An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh- Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”… But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me…” […]
Thanks so much for providing individuals with remarkably spectacular possiblity to check tips from this blog. It’s always so pleasurable and as well , jam-packed with a great time for me personally and my office friends to visit your web site the equivalent of 3 times a week to read through the new issues you have got. And indeed, I’m usually astounded with all the fantastic creative ideas you give. Selected 4 areas on this page are truly the best we have all ever had.
[…] at one day past your due date, let alone one week. (It’s akin to the carpe diem advice that Glennon Melton wrote so eloquently about on her blog.) Sure I relaxed (um, what else was I going to do with a 7.5 lb. baby in my belly) but […]
[…] Twitter profile reads ‘Life is brutiful,’ blogs about mothering. In this particular post that went viral with American moms, she talks about two kinds of […]
[…] https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ […]
[…] discovered Momastery at the beginning of this year, when her post, “Don’t Carpe Diem,” went viral. Overnight, the blog’s readership exploded, and the author, Glennon Melton, has […]
[…] a fantastic new word that I learned while reading an article that my friend shared called, “Don’t Carpe Diem” written by Glennon Melton of momastery.com. A hilarious and heart-warming read for new and […]
Thanks so much for this. My son’s name is Kairos. He was my fourth and a surprise, and his name fit very well for my life philosophy by that time, but this is a very beautiful article that explains an idea that is difficult to explain. I will be saving it for him. 🙂
Groove on- superwoman. May our memories be handed back to us intact when we are given back our sanity…
“May our memories be handed back to us intact when we are given back our sanity…” I love this! Thanks…
[…] 2011 Lesson #2: Don’t Carpe Diem […]
[…] long and the kids with her looked like they would rather be anywhere else. It made me think about this fantastic post on motherhood – quite possibly the best commentary on the job I’ve ever […]
[…] This particular post went viral…I noticed that she had over 2,000 comments on her website! https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ After reading and reflecting on Glennon’s honest and gritty words, I thought I’d share some of […]
Thank you for writing that – it made me feel choked up. Its so refreshing to read something realistic about parenting. I became a mother in March 2011 after being a midwife for 6 years – and boy it was a shock! I think I was shell shocked for about 6 months – then realised it was PND. I felt all the other mothers were coping so much better than me, therefore I must be inadequate. I felt guilty that I didn’t enjoy my daughter, that I just found it exhausting, hard work. Previous clients would text me ‘I bet you are loving motherhood’ and i wanted to say, ‘actually, no not really, not yet anyway’. But people don’t want to hear that. My daughter is almost 12mths old and I adore her and its much easier now – but i still dont’ love EVERy moment. Now when people ask if I love being a mother, I say, yes, most of the time. I don’t see any point in sugar coating it. I love your analogy of climbing mount everest – thank you.
[…] friend sent me an article a few weeks ago and I’ve been thinking about it, especially lately when I’ve had kids […]
[…] Crystal, remember this kairos moment. […]
[…] or “grown-up” conversations? How much of those are really important? Do we risk missing moments of joy together? Do we risk turning our kids into the stuffy Parisians the author herself wants her kids […]
[…] way lies madness for the average parent, says Glennon Melton of Momastery. “Don’t Carpe Diem,” she writes: There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular […]
I am parenting my 17yo cousin… Thank you I get a kairos moment every now and then.. And damn it’s hard . He is failing in school, lying at home , sneaking around.. We have a student led conference at his school where they tell us how great the kids are, so I walked into the director and said “really? You want me to waste my day listening to you tell me how great he is? He is failing I am doing all I can and you guys aren’t helping. Why do I pay the big bucks for private school? I am gonna take a pas on letting you blow smoke up my butt. Thanks anyway” they stared in awwww. But today they have him in study hall with all of his teachers. Trying to figure it out.. I love honesty I am not very gently honest but sometimes I get fed up… Yeah for the truth & for making me feel like yeah it’s hard & it’s ok.
I LOVE your posting on “Don’t Carpe Diem”– I feel like you spoke every word I’ve been feeling for years!! Thank you so much!! God Bless You!
[…] now and enjoy each moment because they are often so fleeting. If you haven’t read the article Don’t Carpe Diem by Glennon Melton, I highly recommend it. I love how she talks about finding the brief moments in […]
[…] now and enjoy each moment because they are often so fleeting. If you haven’t read the article Don’t Carpe Diem by Glennon Melton, I highly recommend it. I love how she talks about finding the brief moments in […]
[…] here’s the link to the post on Momastery, if you’re not already a reader. Here’s wishing you some kairos in your […]
[…] first one I read was passed around on Facebook a million times – from a blog called “Momastary” and it discusses the impossibility of carpe diem, as admonished by old ladies in the grocery […]
Loved it! Thank you… You have a beautiful family! We’re all doing the best we can…
[…] other couple we perceived was to a blog post in that a mother-writer muses on a materialisation of comparison mothers addressing younger ones in […]
AHEM SISTA!! For once someone put it to words!
and P.S pickles I think you missed the point take another read and you will see Chronos is life and love!
Merci, Merci
I don’t think I did miss it. She said her daughter looked like a losing contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I’m just saying shift your perspective just a little and look for the positive in all of life’s little frustrations and you might just have MORE Kairos moments. I think that could have easily been a Kairos moment along w/ the others that she mentions. I do get it – and well aware that the Chronos time is inevitable – strive for more Kairos – less Chronos. 🙂
Thank you so much, Glennon. Thank you for putting words to feelings I have been trying to sort out. Thank you.
I agree with and can relate to most of what you said here. But it sort of reads like the negatives outweigh the positives in your day-to-day. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I hope you can take those moments when your children make you want to cry or scream or crawl into a hole and look at them with a sense of humor. I think it’s funny that your daughter “stole” three feathers and had them in her hair. I think it’s cute that she wanted to make them her own and she probably felt really pretty and proud to have them in her hair. If your lucky enough to shop with her as an adult, those quirky, little actions definitely won’t happen. Why? Because it’s only something that a little kid will do, and she won’t be a kid anymore. So I think what the older generation is trying to tell you to CHERISH every moment, not necessarily ENJOY it.
You are so right! I could not have said it better myself. THANK YOU!
[…] https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ […]
[…] there on the floor, I found myself being more and more awestruck by his every action. I had a true Kairos moment. It was like I was seeing Nathan and meeting him for the first time. I realized that he truly does […]
[…] Momastery that I recently discovered (along with quite a few other women) when a few weeks ago one of her posts “went viral” I guess. I enjoy reading her blog, and I love her honesty. Anyway, […]
[…] for us and others, by simply being honest about who we are and where we have been. In “Don’t Carpe Diem,” Glennon talks about the challenging moments of motherhood and the moments that make it […]
That was amazing beautiful. Forget the people who are negative about what is an honest portrayal of daily life. I feel you. I am so blessed to be going gray with the craziness that is my life, surrounded by children who frustrate me and love me unconditionally, and who in return I would give up my life for in a heartbeat. By the way, SOOOO adopting the Kairos!!!
Having raised two daughters, worked with children of all ages and socio-economic backgrounds in various environments; worked with young mothers – blah, blah, blah – here is my gut feeling, at 60 years of age, about your post and the comments from like-minded young mothers: get over yourselves. You all are contributing to the narcissism of our time (and your husbands, too). You act as though older women don’t know what they are talking about and haven’t lived it. The image you depict of the older woman with her “hand over her heart,” is shame on you. I question your fundamental point of view and that of women who advocate your column and your views. Raising children has always been work, but the positive outlook and humor that one can muster in trying times with children are part of the struggle. It is NOT about you. That hasn’t changed over the years. Sorry to break the news to all of you. Sure, all mothers need to take the best care of themselves that their individual circumstances will allow, but if one can’t find time for “other” things (like the gym or even to write a note): tomorrow is another day. Get over it. My heart is placed lovingly over my heart, as I say to my deceased mother, “Mom, I didn’t invent motherhood and neither did you, but I know we had fun together – a lot of laughs and good times, and you didn’t complain in a selfish BLOG about not having any time to yourself. Even when I dropped the glass, milk bottle in the middle of the kitchen floor (the milkman had just delivered on the front porch) – smashing and spreading milk all over your freshly mopped floor from the NIGHT before – you didn’t do the anxious, young mother dance – you looked at my shocked, sad face and said, “It’s all right, Carol. The milkman has a lot more where that came from, ‘Mooooooo!’ Don’t step on the glass. We’ll clean it up together.” SMILE. So, I’ll repeat myself (which you ALL love): get over yourselves. With love and affection – Carol
I will admit, Carol, that when I read the first line of your comment I sighed, and thought, WHY do women always have to beat up on other woman? WHY do we have to be so judgmental all the friggin’ time? WHY do people like you always come crawling out from under your rocks to knock the good ones down?
This lovely woman is simply voicing the truth of her life, and you have just shat all over it. You’re just hateful. Really, really hateful.
What thrill did you get from being so self-righteous and negative? Did it give you a little kick to knock someone else down – especially since you couldn’t see her but could just imagine the hurt of her reaction? To get that kind of a thrill from wielding a club instead of a flower – what kind of a person is that? A bitter person, Carol. A mean, bitter, pill of person.
May tomorrow you think before you hit send. May tomorrow someone knock you down when you show a bit of vulnerability – just so you know how it feels. May tomorrow you simply keep your negative, hurtful, hateful opinion to yourself.
I really appreciate your honesty, Carol as we mothers are only human and it really is hard at times. I have a 5 month old son, 2 year old daughter and a 4 year old daughter so it is particularly challenging at the moment! I can so relate to what you say and it is refreshing for someone to open up like that, instead of pretending that beingi a mother is the most wonderful job in the world. It is at times but a lot of the time it is exhausting, relentless, exasperating and stressful! I do not take anything for granted and really appreciate my three children, especially as it was not easy to conceive them but it is a challenge taking care of them 24/7! Emma x
[…] A few weeks back I read a post over on Momestary.com blog. The woman completely filled the page of her blog post on Jan 6 with what was in my heart on that day. You can check out her post here: https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ […]
That was beautiful and so well written. YOu finally helped me understand why it’s so hard to seize it all, to enjoy it because it can get gritty and ugly, but is beautiful at the same time. Thank you for this beautiful post with the most wonderful permission for mommas to help rid of “mommy guilt” and just seize any moment they can! Thank you for being raw and honest.
It is so refreshing to “hear’ a mom not sugar coating it but that also appreciate those special moments. I loved this post. I have 6 children of my own from 22 month old to almost 21 yrs old. What I hear the most is “Bless you heart, you have your hands full” and the worst one “Didn’t you figure out how they happen?” I feel you 🙂 I am the first to admit I am blessed to have my children but I am also first to admit is not all roses. Truck on sista! You got it right 🙂
[…] read a blog recently, and it challenged me. Check it out here. We don’t live in Kairos time, but in those few moments through out the day, those moments […]
[…] Enjoy giving yourself a break. How often do you go to the store with your precious babies and hear, “They grow up fast. Enjoy every moment!” On comes the guilt trip. You were just counting down the minutes until bedtime! […]
Thank you – from an older (working) mom of a toddler. Very well said – and why I love my son, and myself enough to seize ANY moment (and not dwell on the rest).
[…] ran into a blog titled Don’t Carpe Diem that in some ways inspired me, but in other ways irked me. You see, I am one of *those* moms that […]
hi there. a friend just sent me a link to this article in the huffington post. in response to what i had just written on my blog. i am so grateful she did. it was lovely to read and felt so related to my own internal process and the happenings of my mind and days lately. yay! thank you for being the brave inspiring woman you are!!!! i love women like you. raw honest and real. but also self~forgiving, so that you allow yourself to get up again everyday, even though you didn’t do it all right the day before, and you know you won’t today either. love.
I just wanted to thank you so much for this blog entry! I laughed and cried and kept saying “Amen!” as I was reading it! I have an extremely active 22 month old and a very difficult 6 month old. I love two children more then I can say, but since my son has been born, life has been very difficult. He has severe eczema and would literally just scream for hours on end. I’ve had to focus so much on him that I my older daughter has ended up watching more TV then I’d like to admit. I’ve cried so many days because I feel guilty for not enjoying “every single moment!” But it’s so hard some days as I’m also extremely sleep deprived.
Anyways, I just wanted to thank you so much for your honesty! It’s REFRESHING for many moms out there! I have a small mommy group that I started and we are meeting tomorrow and I will be sharing this with all of them!
Thanks again! Because of your entry I feel like I was able to breath a sigh of relief knowing I’m not the only one out there feeling this way!
Christine, I wonder if you might want to check out the GAPS diet for your little boy. It sounds possibly like he might benefit from it for his eczema and crying. Not to suggest that you’re doing anything wrong in any way, but just that if it would help him, then it would help your whole family. 🙂
I laughed reading this entry. I cried reading this entry. We have a two year old, one on the way, and dreams of a third. You are honest, raw, correct, and lovely. Thank you for sharing!
This blog has made it around our MOMS club. Thank you for being a voice of sanity, honesty and humor. God knows we all need a little dose of each!
Those few precious moments each day are precious because they are so rare in a day of parenting. Thank you for being a sane voice in the insane HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY world of parenting.
I love this post! It is so true! What I do is text my karios moments or really funny bad moments to my mother. She loves it! She loves to read what the kids are into then she types them up and emails them to me later (sometimes months later I will get a 27 page type out of all my text messages) as I read through them I laugh until I cry! It reminds me how blessed I truly am.
[…] article is reprinted with permission from Momastery.com. Pin It Make a comment Become an author! Pin It Make a comment Become an […]
I’m a guilty grandma. As we age we forget the “Pain” of parenting (like we forget the pain of childbirth). All we remember are the Kairos moments.
Next time I’m tempted to comment to a young mother, I’ll put my hand over my mouth instead of my heart.
ditto
[…] then I remembered this article that was making its way around Facebook a few weeks ago. The thing is, despite the number of dear […]
[…] trying to wish away my children’s precious young years as Glennon talks about in this post. It’s just that sometimes, easier is […]
I saw this blog post linked on someone else’s blog and had to take a look to see what it was all about. LOVED it. And I don’t even have kids yet. I was literally LOL’ing at my desk during moments of this. You’re a great writer and mom!
[…] what was likely this month’s most-read mothering blog post (Don’t Carpe Diem at Momastery), Glennon challenges the idea that we moms should be continuously striving to seize […]
[…] *blog post referenced: https://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/ […]
[…] Glennon is a total hoot and has me literally laughing outloud almost every post. This post is here if you want to see the original […]
Thank you for your blog, particularly this entry! It made me laugh (I can’t COUNT the number of times I’ve wanted to lose it in the middle of the TARGET check out line with my children!) and reminds me to enjoy the little things, to stop and play with my children instead of being a task-master, always trying to get things “done” or keep the house clean. It helps to know that there are so many others that experience parenting as the Mt. Everest of challenges that it most certainly is…and entries such as this one make it just a bit easier.
‘I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’t in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.’
THANK YOU…for putting into words what a lot of us parents think and feel and hate to say out loud! LOVE MY KIDS TO DEATH! But this parenting thing….is hard as hell and not all rainbows and roses some days. As a dear friend put it, “my kids shoot bee bees in my bucket of water all day long and drain the love right out of it, but it fills right up again the moment they go to sleep at night.”
[…] few weeks ago there was a post that made the rounds (“Don’t Carpe Diem”)- it was a post full of blog magic. I mean everyone wants to write a post that thousands of […]
[…] thanks to my sister, for sending me Glennon’s beautiful and witty article. If you haven’t read it, I encourage you to. It’s funny, and honest and true. Just […]
I’m a friend of Liz Macdonalds… I just love this post and wanted to thank you for it. I’m one of those ‘old ladies’ who say those carpe diem things… but I like your perspective of ‘kairos moments’ and I think they express what I mean by those comments so very well. Thank you 🙂
Thank you for this! My heart needed it. It made me laugh and cry (literally)! So glad I’m not the only one! At the very least I’ll know through all of the shaking heads of judgement and pieces of hard to hear advice….there may be that one in the crowd that remembers or knows what I’m going through!
Amen! What you just wrote is beautiful and don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. I can TOTALLY relate and I hate that we’re made to think those feelings are anything but normal. Good job, mom.
Carpe Diem, I say. It’s not all about your kids, it’s about all that surrounds you; factor it all in and carper diem. Your emotional baggage, the guilt triggered by some stranger’s comment for not seizing the day, has nothing to do with your kids.
Enjoy your life as a whole and seize the day
Spend less time writing and more time with your kids and you might be able to seize more of the day.
Completely agree! I saw this posted on FB and thought how sad other moms would read this. I love when older women tell me to enjoy these moments and times for then it reminds me in that instant how blessed I am. If the writer seized the day she might be able to spend time teaching her kids how to behave in the store and not become angry at a slow bagger.
Shame on you.
Shame on the two of you. Most mom’s are finding comfort in the fact that other women struggle with parenthood. Yes, it’s about the kids. And yes, every parent loves their children more than life itself. But we are HUMAN. If it was so easy divorce rates wouldn’t be so high. Let’s provide support to each other.
When we read someone venting about an issue. Let’s try to step back and think about where they are coming from instead of judging. I don’t always agree with what people are saying. But I don’t always completely agree with what comes out of my mouth because sometimes i’ve had a rough day and just need to vent.
Agree, I’m not a fan of this entry at all.
I believe that we should try and not pass judgement on others so quickly, it shows a very harsh spirit. Lighten up and try to see things from someone else’s perspective rather than being so critical. I am very saddened by your post and not the author’s. She is showing her God given talent that helps mothers not feel so alone. Posting as Anon also shows lack of conviction in your commentary so please keep it to yourself next time, thank you.
[…] blog post was floating around Facebook a few weeks ago. It is an excellent way of looking at time we spend […]
[…] you’ve been having a deomn-child week, you have to read Momastery’s post: Don’t Carpe Diem. It totally put me back on track. Thanks MOD Playhouse for the […]
My daughters linked me to this. It brings back memories. I’m with you, honey. I raised six kids. I remember plenty of Kairos times, but my memory is good enough to also remember the Chronos times. The best part is that looking back both are good memories. The times I wanted to strangle my own offspring look pretty funny from here – and the had their funny moments then (AFTER some time had passed.) Some of our best family memories and jokes come from the frustrations of parenting.
It is all worth it – but I have to admit I love having been a parent and often loved being one. But I love BEING a grandparent. Just imagine that!
The other day, I got a thumbs up and a mouthed “good job” from a fellow shopper at our food co-op who had witnessed my 3 1/2 year old’s 30 minute meltdown (not every minute screaming or whining, but still, it earned us lots of “looks”). The thumbs-up was the most supportive comment ever; I felt the same after reading this latest post. Thanks.
PS: As I write this, my son is yelling, “I do not want to take a bath! If you make me take a bath I will pee on the couch!” Clearly, he is trying his hand at doling out consequences. I love it!
My sister in law sent me a link to your blog a couple of weeks ago, then friends all over sent me a link to this specific post. I guess something is trying to tell me to make Momastery part of my morning coffee routine, where I check my favorite blogs, because you rock it, lady!
I forwarded this post to my hubby, with the message, “see, this is why you shouldn’t be expecting me to be having a happy, super time 24/7 with the kids.” So now, whenever we’re having a really good time with the kids, we shout out, or text each other, “KAIROS!” We have a lot more of these kind of moments than we thought. Sweet. All us momma’s out there are seriously benefiting from your clarity and ability to get it very eloquently into writing and your generosity in sharing it with us all. Thanks for the great work.
“Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime..”
Brilliant 🙂
[…] on your marriage. Give lots and lots of hugs. Take deep breaths in crisis moments. Cherish the kairos moments. Go to the gym. Etc, […]
[…] you’re on Facebook at all, or you read blogs at all, you probably recently read the Don’t Carpe Diem post from Glennon at Momastery. (And if you haven’t, you really, really should.) Someday […]
I am a mother of six. My oldest is 11 and the youngest are a set of two year old twin girls. Well intentioned people are always telling me the same thing. It melted my heart to read this. Thank you so much for your honesty. I had been sinking in a pool of what’s wrong w/ me for not loving being a mom anymore too and this was just what i needed. You are exactly right, people who think we are terrible moms have either not been true “moms” and raised their own children or are liars, to say they were always greatful. Thanks again for your courage to put the truth in words for those who can’t!