Start a Daily Delight Practice with Abby, Glennon & Amanda!
June 8, 2023
Glennon Doyle:
Hello, loves. Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things. I think that you are going to find today’s show a delight, and that is because your little team here of Amanda, Abby, and me decided that… We’re always trying to find ways to make life a little easier, a little better, a little juicier, a little more beautiful. And we thought, well, after last episode with Ross Gay about the power of delight and joy and gratitude in our lives, go listen to it if you have not, we decided we could keep working hard to add beautiful things to our life, or we could just notice more the beauty that is already in our lives. We could just pay closer or different kind of attention to the things in our lives that cause us spontaneous delight. We did that, y’all. We have done the homework. We have concentrated day in and day out for the last several days to-
Amanda Doyle:
Day in and day out for three consecutive days.
Glennon Doyle:
Well, it was hard. It’s fucking hard. Look for joy. All right? I’m so glad it’s over.
Amanda Doyle:
I am delight exhausted.
Glennon Doyle:
I’m so glad it’s over. No.
Amanda Doyle:
I can get back on my wah-wah train.
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly.
Amanda Doyle:
Choo-choo.
Glennon Doyle:
No. Actually, it’s been… Look, Abby’s looking at us like we’re nuts because she is delightful.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes, she is.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. And she has loved this exercise, right?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. It’s so wonderful.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
I feel like people in the world are continuingly putting in our lap that we just have to follow this methodology of joy, go towards delight. And to me, it was just so fun.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. To you it was just like life.
Abby Wambach:
I was just living.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I’m so excited to talk about these things, because I’m joking a little bit. Actually, I agree. It’s the idea of what you seek, you shall find, right?
Abby Wambach:
Mm-hmm.
Glennon Doyle:
If you are out looking for what to be delighted or what to be grateful for, that is what you see. And if you’re out there looking for things to be pissed off about, that is what you find.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Amanda Doyle:
Ross Gay says that, “The more you study delights, the more delights there are to study.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And that is why I think everyone is out there pushing the whole gratitude journal dogma, because it’s that the more you study it, the more there is to study.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s not like it’s actually adding different things, it’s just the noticing of the things that are already there.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. I don’t know if I’ve told the story before. If I have, just oh, well. So when one of my kids decided… He wanted to get on Instagram. And so, we were like, “Okay. Well, why do you want to get on Instagram?” He said he loved taking pictures. Okay? “Michael, that’s actually a good reason. You want to get on there. Put your art on there. That’s cool.” But what he noticed, and we talked about a lot, is that the beauty of being a photographer, being a writer, being a gratitude noticer, being a joy seeker, is not like the time that you sit down and write in your journal. That’s not the benefit of it. The benefit of it is the rest of the day. Okay? So if you are a photographer and you’re out there looking for beauty to snap, then your morning, noon, night, everything, a walk becomes a search for beauty. Everything becomes a search for beauty. And so, your life changes because of what you’re looking for, not because of the end result.
Glennon Doyle:
So this is why, Pod Squaders, we feel like this is an important concept for adding, for having more aliveness, more joy. It costs nothing. This is maybe why the wellness industry isn’t selling it hard, because it can’t be sold. It’s nothing you-
Amanda Doyle:
Except for the gratitude journals.
Glennon Doyle:
Right, right, which, by the way, P.S., I have a journal on the market. It’s lovely. I also know that just a piece of paper works. Okay? Just the voice app, a piece of paper, that could also be a gratitude journal. Okay. So can we talk, you three, about the specific delights that we identified in our lives? I would like to suggest-
Abby Wambach:
But-
Glennon Doyle:
Yes, Abby?
Abby Wambach:
Can I interrupt?
Glennon Doyle:
Yes, of course.
Abby Wambach:
I would actually like to go around and figure out from the three of us how you, your body, actually experiences a delight, the physiology or the emotion or the feeling or the reaction. I want to give the Pod Squad a vivid picture of when we tell these stories, what we would look like.
Glennon Doyle:
This is an iconic tripod moment, I believe. Because we know if we are Abby is body, I’m spirit, and Sister is mind, Abby wants to know how delight is experienced in the body, which is very cool.
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
I feel juicy.
Abby Wambach:
Ooh.
Glennon Doyle:
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Abby Wambach:
Okay, juicy.
Glennon Doyle:
Look it, she’s so proud of herself.
Amanda Doyle:
I know. I know. I came up with a thing that’s actually a body thing. And I feel like I have caught myself in a moment.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
I’m like, “You just saw a present that was hiding for you. You just saw it.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. Okay. So it’s a double delight, right? Because all right, say you see a dog. Most of my delights are just dogs. Spoiler alert. Okay. But say you see a dog. Say, for example, you see a dog that has slippers on. Okay? You feel delight in your body because you’re seeing a dog that has slippers. The dog is delightful. But you are also simultaneously delighted about yourself, because you are capable of being delighted. You’re full of joy that you are not a robot, and that you are a precious little thing that’s being so delighted by this other thing, right?
Amanda Doyle:
You’re a juicy little sucker who didn’t miss the opportunity to just revel in a slippered dog.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. It’s good. How do you feel, babe?
Glennon Doyle:
Well, I have a little bit… I just thought of this. You know the famous line from Alice Walker’s The Color Purple, where she said, “I think it pisses God off when people walk by purple and don’t notice it”?
Abby Wambach:
Mm-hmm.
Glennon Doyle:
I am so weird and superstitious that every time I see something purple I’m like, “Noticed. Got it. Noticed.” It feels at the same time like a bit of a rising inside of me, a little bit like I’m going up on a rollercoaster or something, like a lift. It feels like a lift. And then, it also feels like a sinking into the truth. It feels like everything’s a distraction except for this one thing. And then I see it, and it’s like entering a portal. In some spiritual traditions, they call it the thin places. And it’s like the thin place is the place that is like the veil. It’s right between this material existence that we live in and the other one, and the thin place is where you can get a little glimpse of the other side. So it feels a little bit lifty in my body, and then sinky spiritually.
Abby Wambach:
Wow. That’s amazing. You want to know what mine is?
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
Ooh.
Glennon Doyle:
I like your specs.
Amanda Doyle:
Do it again. Do it again for those who were used to 1,400 word answers like ours. Do it again. How does it feel for you, Abby?
Abby Wambach:
It just goes, “Oop.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah, that too. You know, they say if you can say it shorter, you should say it shorter, and you did. You nailed it, baby.
Abby Wambach:
I’m not saying I’m right or you’re wrong. I just think that that’s what comes into my whole being. And I know that chemically, I know dopamine, I know all that stuff, but it just feels like, whoo.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
There it is.
Glennon Doyle:
Cool.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. And also, it reminds me of the life is forever tries, because sometimes you can be like, “Ah, I went through this whole day and didn’t access any delight. And dammit, I missed it all.” But really, when you’re talking about that color purple quote, the rest of the quote is the part that I love, because it’s, “I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.” And then, she says back, “‘What does it do when it’s pissed off? Oh, it makes something else. People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it’s always trying to please us back. Yeah, I say. Yeah, it’s always making little surprises and springing them on us when we least expect.’ ‘You mean it wants to be loved just like the Bible say.’ ‘Yes. Everything wants to be loved.'”
Glennon Doyle:
Ooh Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
There’s just-
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
… forever tries of delights just everywhere.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s not like, “Shame on you for missing that.” It’s like, “Catch you in the next round. There’s going to be more.”
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God. It’s every damn thing walking around is just standing there existing, wanting to be loved. And when you notice it and get delighted by it, it’s the fulfillment of the thing. It’s like, “Yes, see me, see me.”
Abby Wambach:
That’s what creates the connection like Ross Gay was saying.
Glennon Doyle:
So it’s connection. It’s connection. All right. Sissy Bear, I heard a rumor from you just now that you actually, and you’ve never told me this before in the history of our lives together, but that you are so inspired by the Ross Gay book, The Book of Delights, that you actually wrote a teeny essayette about a delight in your life.
Amanda Doyle:
I did.
Glennon Doyle:
I’m finding this hard to believe. I am delighted by that.
Amanda Doyle:
I’m sweating. I’m sweating and I have a red face.
Glennon Doyle:
You do.
Amanda Doyle:
Because I had just finished the book on this day that this thing happened, and I came home and I wrote it down on a piece of paper.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s so delightful. Can you please read it to us?
Abby Wambach:
It’s so cool.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes. But we might have to cut it because I’m embarrassed about it.
Abby Wambach:
No.
Glennon Doyle:
Well, we’re not going to cut it, unless your delight sucks. And then we’ll cut it.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. If my delight sucks, then it goes in this sucky delight reject pile. Okay. It says at the top, Friday Daily Delight.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, okay. And by the way, is there just that one? Is that it, Friday Daily Delight?
Amanda Doyle:
That’s it. That’s the only thing. It was a brief inspiration.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
A short gratitude journal, as most of them are.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Okay. “My husband out of town, and the responsibilities of getting everywhere all at one time, all on me for the four-day sprint. I managed to get myself to the school pickup line to retrieve the children in the hopes of arriving my son to his violin lesson, which is because we are over-scheduled suburban masochists, scheduled 20 minutes from the dismissal bell situated 20 minutes from the school. But I do it. I get there right on time to find my kids so famished that they strongly insist they could not possibly wait until after the 30-minute lesson ended to eat.”
Amanda Doyle:
“And so, to my delight, I did not freak out. I pulled into the Dunkin Donuts, surprising myself with an acquiescence that would not have acquainted me on a rushed day or any other day when I was their age, our parents’ household priding itself on being as full of love as it was full of puritanical practicality and efficiency. We got back in the car noting that we are now four minutes late as projected by the GPS. I then proceed to make up each and every one of those minutes on the drive. I should be embarrassed to admit, but I’m not, that besting the GPS projection by one or even three minutes-“
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
“… is my most fail-safe daily delight.”
Abby Wambach:
Yes. Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
“See aforementioned over-scheduled suburban masochist.”
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
“We pull in triumphantly at precisely the appointed time, only to learn from our son’s incredibly lovely, talented, if communication challenged violin teacher that there is, in fact, no lesson today.”
Abby Wambach:
Oh.
Amanda Doyle:
“And to all of our collective astonishment, I do not freak out. Instead, I take them to the Italian store around the corner, where we pick up spaghetti and meatballs. And at the checkout line, I noticed a tall, rectangular red Lazzaroni tin, which brought my whole body immediately to my seven-year-old self in my Aunt Peggy’s house. Aunt Peggy, whose home was full of deliciously frivolous things like that red tin full of amaretto cookies, like time to sew me a Queen of Heart’s Halloween costume, like constant laughter that defied her two divorces, like time to learn to fly a plane like her father and pilot all over the nation with the Ninety-Niners, her woman’s pilot friends, and to take us up in it so we could see the world from an inspiringly selfish perspective of a woman who does what she wants. Her life and home so delicious, full of treats and frivolity, that could not be found in our more stable but supremely practical home and pantry.”
Amanda Doyle:
“And so, I told the lady at the checkout how much I used to love those Italian Amaretto cookies at my Aunt Peggy’s. She said, ‘You still love them.’ So I bought a few, wrapped in parchment paper and turned and squeezed at the edges like a bow. Later at home with an unexpected boon of 15 frivolous minutes, minutes that I didn’t even need to steal from the GPS, I sent Aunt Peggy a message about the Amaretto cookies, about every fanciful, delicious treat I could find in her home and her life, and about how the lady at the checkout had concurred that aunt’s houses are the best houses. And how I agreed, and knew that I had the best of those houses and the best of those aunts. And then, I ate the Amaretto cookies, and I still love them.
Abby Wambach:
What the fuck with you two and your writing?
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, Sissy.
Amanda Doyle:
That was my sincere delight, when I saw that red tin can. I was like, “Oh my God, Aunt Peggy and her Amaretto cookies and everything else.”
Glennon Doyle:
And there’s so much. There’s so much.
Abby Wambach:
Can we just stop for just a second? And the woman at the Italian store says, “You still love them.”
Amanda Doyle:
That’s what she said.
Abby Wambach:
Somebody in our life needs to remind us that the stuff that we used to when we were kids, we probably still like now.
Glennon Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm. And I said it like, “I used to love those when I was seven.” Like, “Isn’t that silly?” And she was like, “You still love those cookies. You still love them.”
Abby Wambach:
I love that.
Amanda Doyle:
And I was like, “Oh my God, I wonder if I still love those cookies.” And I do, by the way, still love those cookies. I ate them all.
Glennon Doyle:
To what do you owe this uncharacteristic not freaking out, which led directly to all this delight? Medication?
Amanda Doyle:
I don’t know. I think sometimes when John is out of town, I’m like, “It’s a wonder I’m getting through any of this. Godspeed to us all.” It’s like the standard has lowered or something, because it’s just me and we’re just going to get through it and I’m just doing the best I can.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. I totally get that.
Amanda Doyle:
Rather than, “We’ve got to be there and never be late, and on, da, da, da, da.” I don’t know.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. I totally get that.
Amanda Doyle:
I’m not sure. Also, it was a beautiful day, and I had the top down and I was like, “Fuck it. It’s Friday.”
Glennon Doyle:
Fuck it. It’s so amazing how our people around us, we think we have to be so perfect and on time and all the things. And what they want more than anything is sometimes for us just to be like, “Fuck it.” That’s what they probably remember is the “Fuck it” moments. So flipping beautiful, red tin cans.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, I’ll do one next.
Abby Wambach:
Great.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. So I have had a very interesting experience with the delight project. I noticed that a lot of my delights have to do with misunderstandings with strangers, which I have always considered annoying and strange about me, but now I’m reframing as delightful. Okay? For real. For real.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
And I’ll tell you why. Because, okay, so last weekend we took the little one to a soccer tournament, and we had to go on a plane because that is what the soccer requires. I have thoughts about that.
Amanda Doyle:
Suburban masochists.
Glennon Doyle:
Right, exactly.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s a different podcast. So we’re going through TSA. Now the TSA line is a lot of things to me. Number one, it’s not my favorite place, because I don’t like things that go very slow, but pay attention because soon it’s going to be fast.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s why the credit card machine bothers me with all the waiting and don’t do it and then suddenly do it. And then, they give you your change. You don’t know what to do with the change and the line’s behind you, and you just want to throw all your money and run out of the store.
Abby Wambach:
At the cash register.
Glennon Doyle:
At the cash register, right. It feels like that moment, but there’s more at stake.
Amanda Doyle:
There’s people behind you.
Glennon Doyle:
It’s life and death.
Amanda Doyle:
There’s cranky people.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. I’m like, “I guess we’re just all pretending that we’re not taking our shoes off and walking on this filthy…” There’s a lot you just have to not think about. And then, the poor TSA people, I cannot imagine how much shit they deal with day in and day out, because it is a cranky-making situation, which is decidedly not their fault. So it’s a powder keg, and I’m just trying to do my best, right?
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
I really am. I’m trying to just not do anything that’s going to make anyone’s lives harder in the next few minutes. All right?
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Glennon Doyle:
So I start putting my things in all the many bins, and there’s this woman behind the TSA agent behind. You know there’s the one that’s telling everybody over and over again to do the same thing, over and over again forever.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. It’s like a mother of a toddler.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Did you brush your teeth? You need to brush your teeth.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Brush your teeth.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. So I’m just trying to not cause any problems. I’m listening to her. I’m looking at her trying to make sure that I’m doing it right, because it’s different all the time. I’m about ready to walk through the thing. Over the thing, she calls to me. She makes eye contact, she calls to me and she goes, “What was your last drink?” Okay? I look at her, process what she’s just said, and I say back to her, “I don’t know exactly, but I’ve been sober for 21 years.”
Amanda Doyle:
It was probably like a Captain Morgan or something back then.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. I’m sure it was. It was probably a Red Bull and vodka. It’s probably what it was. Or a Franzia. My last drink was a box of Franzia. Anyway, she looks at me, this woman who before looked like maybe she hadn’t slept for eight days, looked like she was having no funny business from anyone. She looks at me, she looks very confused for a second, and then she says, “I said, what was your last bin?” It’s all happening very fast. Okay? And I look at her and go, “Oh, yes, yes. That makes more sense.” And then, she looks at me again. She goes, “What was your last bin?” And then she cracks up.
Abby Wambach:
She breaks.
Glennon Doyle:
And this is all happening in five seconds.
Amanda Doyle:
She breaks character.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
She breaks character.
Abby Wambach:
And she turned into her human self.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. And I’m telling you, her eyes sparkled, her mouth got so… She cracked up. She was laughing. And we didn’t have any time to resolve it. I just moved right along. I was like, “I can’t cause anymore problems. I can’t explain why I just said that.” When I got to the other side, I was thinking, “Okay, what I thought was this is ridiculous.” This is even worse, but I was thinking, “I know we’re not supposed to bring liquids, so maybe now they’re checking how far back our last drink was because we’re not allowed to have liquid in our bodies.”
Amanda Doyle:
And they’re like, “You better not have an accumulation of 12 ounces of liquid in your body either.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. I thought it was going to be like surgery when you go in there, like, “When was your last meal?” So that’s why I was trying to explain, “I’m going to be fine because it’s been 20 years.” Okay. So I get to the other side. One of the girls was in front of me, so she’s seen some of it. She’s like, “What just happened?” So I explained it to her. Abby didn’t see or hear any of it because she was behind me. But later, when I was explaining to her what happened, she said, “I thought that. That was the happiest TSA agent I’ve ever seen.”
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
“She was so happy.” She actually noticed how happy this woman was.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
So my point is that I loved that moment so much, and it was this moment of not stupidity, but mishearing, misunderstanding.
Abby Wambach:
Miscommunication, yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
But the going off script thing, even when it’s an accident, causes this moment of humanity and delight between two people that are strangers. I was thinking yesterday about how I will never forget that moment forever the rest of my life because it was so weird. I don’t think she will either, the way her face happened. So how weird that two complete strangers who will probably never see each other again, who met for five seconds, will have this weird shared memory?
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s delightful.
Abby Wambach:
It’s a delight.
Amanda Doyle:
That is delightful.
Abby Wambach:
There is something to be said about having somebody who’s in a position of, I don’t want to say power, but in a position where they have to be serious and their job is serious.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
And to get them to forget about that for just a brief moment. And it’s impossible. I have never seen that in a TSA agent before.
Glennon Doyle:
That kind of joy, right?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Because when you try to do it, it’s not good.
Abby Wambach:
She just was like-
Glennon Doyle:
I can’t see it when people try to do it.
Abby Wambach:
When I was putting my stuff on the conveyor belt, she was just looking.
Glennon Doyle:
She was shaking her head.
Abby Wambach:
And she was shaking her head, big smile on her face. I was just like, “Oh my gosh.”
Glennon Doyle:
Imagine saying, “What’s you last bin?” for six days in a row? And then, someone looking at you and saying, “I’ve been sober for 25 years. Where does that fit?” And then, in my head that night, this is my bookend of the delight of this experience, because I was delighted by it all day. And then, when I went to bed, I realized I was making up scenarios in my head. For example, in my head, that woman needed a sign to get sober. She was like, for weeks and months trying to figure out, “Maybe I should get sober.” And she was really trying to get sober. And then she was like, “Send me a sign that morning.” And then, this woman’s like, “I’ve been sober for 25 years.” But then, I’m like, “Wow. I’m an hour and a half into this fantasy instead of going to sleep.” And instead of being like, “Why are you doing this?” I was like, “My brain is so delightful. Look. I am just making up a story for this lady. That’s delightful.”
Abby Wambach:
That’s cool.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. So that’s one of my delights. Babe, what about you?
Abby Wambach:
Oh. Well, every morning… I’m a routine person.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes, you are.
Abby Wambach:
I love my morning routine. I do nearly the exact same thing every morning. And part of my morning routine is that I go work out at the gym near our house from 7:00-8:00 AM almost every single weekday.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
And when I first started going there about a year ago, I started noticing something that was happening. And where we live, there’s this liquor store that opens up at 7:30 every single morning.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s early for a liquor store.
Abby Wambach:
It is.
Amanda Doyle:
It makes me kind of sad. Did you see the TSA agent there?
Abby Wambach:
I did not. But they sell conveniences and stuff there. But anyways, I started noticing this older gentleman would pull into the parking lot. I do not know this person.
Glennon Doyle:
No.
Abby Wambach:
I’ve never seen him. I don’t know his name or anything like that. But every single morning he shows up right as that place opens up, and he walks his little rear end into that store and buys a lottery ticket every single day. And there is nobody on the planet that has belief that good things can come to anybody who believes it for themselves. This is my daily morning delight. You know that scene in Good Will Hunting when that-
Amanda Doyle:
I knew you were going to say that.
Glennon Doyle:
We need to review this pod for how many times we’ve referenced, for different reasons that scene from Good Will Hunting. Tell it, baby.
Abby Wambach:
You guys can probably explain it better.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. Do you want me to do it?
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
So Ben Affleck picks Matt Damon up every single day to take him to his construction job. Will is like this mathematical genius who should probably be working at MIT or whatever. So Ben Affleck explains, as his best friend, that every single day when he walks up to Matt Damon’s door to pick him up for his construction job, he has a second where he hopes and prays that Will will not answer the door because he’s gone off to do his life and gotten out of this town.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah. And went and got to be able to do his dreams. So for me, my dream and hope is that this gentleman who is buying this lottery ticket stops showing up because then I know he’s won the freaking lottery. And it is a delight. And I work out with 10, 12 people, different every morning. Every single person knows about my obsession with this person who is going to win the lottery one day. All the trainers, they’re like, “There’s your guy. There’s Lotto guy.”
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, I love that.
Abby Wambach:
And I love it so much. And one of my superpowers is when something delights me, I want to share it with people.
Glennon Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Amanda Doyle:
You are so good at that. You’re very good at that.
Abby Wambach:
So that’s my little daily delight, that I also, I really love a good lottery ticket.
Glennon Doyle:
You do. You’re so hopeful.
Abby Wambach:
I don’t do it anymore.
Glennon Doyle:
Abby Wambach used to get an… Every time, she would be absolutely positive that she was going to win.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
And I just freaking love that about you.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Shocked, shocked when she doesn’t win.
Abby Wambach:
For real.
Amanda Doyle:
Okay, I have one. Okay. Recently, I escorted the fifth grade trip to Colonial Williamsburg.
Abby Wambach:
Oh, my God.
Amanda Doyle:
Which was a 13-hour endeavor that included riding hence and yon.
Abby Wambach:
To and fro.
Amanda Doyle:
To and fro on an autobus with 100 fifth grade kids to Colonial Williamsburg, and then we walked around. And then, as if there wasn’t enough injury already suffered, we were waiting for the bus, and then the skies just open up. It is a total deluge, and we’re all standing out waiting for the bus. And then, it’s like this moment where everyone’s trying to decide how to respond.
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly.
Amanda Doyle:
Right? There’s that moment where everyone’s trying to decide whether to be super cranky and vocally angry or just quiet and fuming, frustrated, or just to resign ourselves to the fact that we’re going to be sitting on a stanky bus for three hours home with 100 fifth graders. And then, so after this moment passes, there’s like 25 of the kids run over to this corner, and they’re splashing in the puddles and they’re doing the arm pump, the universal signal of honk at us.
Abby Wambach:
Honk your horn.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, honk.
Amanda Doyle:
And each car that goes by, probably 85% of them honk back at the kids. And it is as if every single honk is like a goddamn miracle.
Abby Wambach:
Yes. Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And every honk, they start screaming and jumping up and down like they have just won Abby’s lottery. And then, again they wait for the next car. They do it with equal gusto.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
The arm thing.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And then they honk, and then they’re just as freaking delighted the next time. And it happened because we were waiting there for a long time in the rain for like 40 minutes. And you just could not help but smile because all of it, the finding a fun thing to do in an uncomfortable situation and making it more fun, the fact that it’s raining, that they’re doing it.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And then, this universal language we have, which is so odd of just pumping your arm up in the air.
Abby Wambach:
The honking your horn is just so weird.
Glennon Doyle:
They are so calm.
Amanda Doyle:
And then, everyone being like, “I got you. I got you.” Honk, honk.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Why is this a universal sign?
Amanda Doyle:
Because it’s in trucks.
Glennon Doyle:
It happens with truckers.
Amanda Doyle:
In trucks, they used to have their horns like a little strap that they pulled down there.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
It also works with boats. We used to do this. This is how we’d get the big liners to honk their horn and we’d go, “Honk your horn.”
Amanda Doyle:
Even that, it’s like what is it, the honk?
Glennon Doyle:
Kids have so little control and power.
Amanda Doyle:
The honk as a response, why does that elicit such delight?
Abby Wambach:
Because it’s like, “I see you.”
Amanda Doyle:
In other contexts,.the honk is offensive, but in this context it’s like, “Yes.”
Abby Wambach:
“Yes.”
Glennon Doyle:
“We’re all in this together.” Strangers, connection with strangers, man, there’s something to it.
Abby Wambach:
So good.
Glennon Doyle:
So good. Okay, a couple little ones. Can I do a couple little ones?
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
So we have a golf cart that we use to drive around our town. We don’t have it for golf, but people have those. And sometimes I drive it around in the early morning, and the same people are out walking their dog. This one guy walks his dog. This one lady is always speed walking. And in my head, what I sing over and over again is, “These are the people in my neighborhood, in my neighborhood, in my neighborhood. Yes. These are the people in my neighborhood. They’re the people that I meet when I’m walking down the street. They’re the people that I meet each day.” And it makes me really happy. And I don’t know any of their names or talk to them ever, but they’re part of my song.
Glennon Doyle:
And then, a little one is I was walking on this big sidewalk that we have where lots of people walk on by my house, and the roses are all blooming. And I do find myself very delighted by flowers and things that grow. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand why we don’t freak out about it more. I will never understand how a very small packet of seeds that is as big as three inches turns into a 100-foot garden where one piece of cucumber is 100 times bigger than the little seed. I don’t understand why people don’t freak out about that miracle all the time. It’s so fucking crazy. I’ll be like, “You guys, this seed that you can barely see on my finger became that thing.” And we’re all just like, “Yeah.”
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. Standard.
Abby Wambach:
It makes me feel bad for Jesus when everyone was like, “Show us a miracle.” And He’s like, “Look at that fucking watermelon.”
Amanda Doyle:
Look around, assholes.
Glennon Doyle:
Look around, assholes. So anyway, there’s this one flower garden that these people have, and the whole thing is full of apricot-colored roses.
Abby Wambach:
Ooh.
Glennon Doyle:
They’re the most beautiful color. I kept thinking, “Somebody loves this color so much.”
Amanda Doyle:
It’s really doubling down. The gardener’s like, “What about some blues or some green?” She’s like, “No, pretty much apricot.”
Abby Wambach:
Nope.
Amanda Doyle:
“Pretty much all apricot.”
Glennon Doyle:
And this is what I’m thinking. And they’re so beautiful.
Amanda Doyle:
Do you think we have enough apricot? Add more apricot.
Glennon Doyle:
More apricot. Right? And it was delightful, right? That’s delightful. People who like something so much that they’re like, “No, all apricot. I don’t care. I don’t care if other people like a little red. No. As for me and my house.”
Amanda Doyle:
Me and my house, we’re apricot. We choose apricot.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. So I’m having all of these thoughts, being delighted by these flowers, being delighted by the apricot freaks who planted this garden. And I run into a lady, literally.
Abby Wambach:
Oh, no.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. Literally run into a lady.
Amanda Doyle:
While you’re walking or are you still in the golf cart?
Glennon Doyle:
I’m walking. No, I’m walking.
Amanda Doyle:
Thank God.
Glennon Doyle:
Thank God. Right.
Abby Wambach:
Was she walking the opposite way or were you walking in the same direction?
Glennon Doyle:
Unfortunately, I had apparently drifted a little bit over to the left side, to the place where the people were walking forwards and I was… It’s not a law, but everyone’s walking.
Amanda Doyle:
But it’s customary and courteous.
Abby Wambach:
Walking on the right side of the road. That’s right.
Glennon Doyle:
Everyone was walking. I veered, in my delight, I veered towards the apricot.
Amanda Doyle:
Right.
Abby Wambach:
That happens to me on treadmills.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, wait.
Abby Wambach:
When I’m watching-
Glennon Doyle:
Did someone run into you on a treadmill?
Abby Wambach:
No. When I’m watching something on TV on a treadmill, I literally almost fall off. Anybody who ever watches anything on a treadmill. So you were like, “Oh, delight.” And then, you went towards it.
Glennon Doyle:
And I went towards it, and then I ran into a lady; or she ran into me, depending on how you look at it. I was in her spot. Okay? I was in her spot. And then, I was like, “Oh.” Whatever I said, I don’t know. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Amanda Doyle:
And she goes, “I’ve been sober for 20 years.” Did you say that?
Glennon Doyle:
And then she goes, “Pay attention.” Okay, listen. I have not stopped thinking about this. I didn’t say anything. She had a point in her own worldview.
Amanda Doyle:
In her non-apricot focused life perspective, she had a point.
Glennon Doyle:
It was so fascinating to me because, I felt like a little bit offended in my soul walking away, because what I was doing was paying attention.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
I was paying such close attention. I was paying more attention than any of the other undelighted assholes who were walking by Apricot Village not even noticing. I was not paying attention to the things that avoid-
Abby Wambach:
Collisions.
Glennon Doyle:
… pedestrian collisions. Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Well, it’s like that meme. Not all wanderers are lost. Not all those not paying attention to you are not paying attention.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. And we’re going to move on in a second, but I’m just going to put a flag in this, because what I’m saying is that I feel like there’s something here. I feel like we’re paying attention. It reminded me of when I don’t close the cabinets or whatever. It’s not that I’m not paying attention. I’m actually paying attention to something very important and beautiful. I’m just not paying attention to the thing that gets the things done or avoids problems. Do you know what I’m saying, though?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. You have your priority list of what you want to put your attention on is just different.
Glennon Doyle:
Perhaps we pay attention on different dimensions.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
But attention is being paid.
Amanda Doyle:
Do you have any more you’d like to chat about?
Abby Wambach:
I have one that I thought was so touching. This last Sunday, our son was competing in a half marathon, and we were on this soccer trip. And I wake up at 6:50 in the morning, and I see that there’s a notification on my phone, “FaceTime from Chase.” Now in our world, that’s like alert level, whatever.
Glennon Doyle:
Because he’s not awake at that time.
Abby Wambach:
And we are on a road trip with Amma. He didn’t remind us that this was happening, so we had no idea that he was actually running. So I called him, no answer, text him, no response. And then, about two minutes later, he FaceTimes me and turns the phone on. And what I realized is he is in the middle of his marathon, and he’s at the 10th mile. He and his roommate in college are running together, which I think is the sweetest thing ever. And so, long and the short of it, he wanted to include me and Glennon on his run. It just was so sweet.
Glennon Doyle:
Such a delight.
Abby Wambach:
And it just made me feel delighted.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. And he wanted to include you.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
He called you. So she’s like, “Yeah.”
Amanda Doyle:
She’s like, “Yeah. I just threw you in there.”
Abby Wambach:
But when I hung up, that was the first thing Glennon said. “He called you.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
And I was like, “Oh, he did.”
Glennon Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Abby Wambach:
And that makes me very excited and go, “Ooh.”
Glennon Doyle:
And another kid-related delight that we were talking about is that our youngest in one of those soccer games, she got hurt. And they kind of get hurt and then you wait a second, they usually pop right back up; and sometimes they don’t, and that’s a really scary moment. And so, she didn’t pop right back up. So when she didn’t pop right back up, I turned. I’m just still registering what’s happening, so I turned towards the chair next to me to say, “Oh, shit” to Abby, and Abby’s not in her chair. We’re way up in this stadium thing. I look down to look for Abby and she’s already running across the field to the child on the field.
Amanda Doyle:
Aw.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. So what happened after, is that we’re way up in the stands, me and Craig and Abby and all the parents. And she got really hurt. She’s fine, but she got slammed.
Abby Wambach:
It was a big collision.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. And so, she’s laying there. And the trainer’s out there and the coach is out there and she’s not moving, which is terrifying to us, eyes closed, not moving. Abby gets out there, she says, “Amma, I’m here.” And then, she opens her eyes and starts moving. She said, “I was waiting for you.” She wasn’t going to move or open her eyes until her mom was there to say whether she should move or open her eyes. But her certainty that if she just kept her eyes closed for five more seconds, that her mom would be in that circle. And when Abby Wambach runs out onto the field and is like, “That’s my kid,” the trainer just is kind of like, “Okay, go ahead. Let, let me know. Let me know what we should do.”
Abby Wambach:
It was really-
Glennon Doyle:
Isn’t that the sweetest?
Abby Wambach:
It was really sweet.
Glennon Doyle:
It was a damn delight, just to hear her say, “I was waiting for you,” just the certainty knowing that.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
You know?
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, my God, that’s so beautiful.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. So Glennon wasn’t around when I was playing, and I would fall a lot. I fell down a lot. I was a very physical player. And so, to make sure that my mom wasn’t losing her damn mind watching me have all of these physical collisions, interactions, I would lay on the ground with my thumb up if I was okay and just trying to…
Glennon Doyle:
Dive, they call it.
Abby Wambach:
Elongate the call or play a psychological game with the referees.
Amanda Doyle:
The refs didn’t catch up on it, with the thumbs up? She’s just writhing in pain, but she’s got a little baby thumb up.
Abby Wambach:
A little baby thumb. Or there were a couple times where I just-
Amanda Doyle:
Thumbs down.
Abby Wambach:
I was actually really hurt.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, that’d be so sad to see your kid laying on the ground and then go thumbs down.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. So we taught Amma the little, “All good.” But I knew instantly that it was a going to be a big collision. I knew she was going to be fine, truly. But I also knew that Amma didn’t know she was going to be fine. And so, I needed to get out there to make sure that she knew that I knew that she was going to be fine so that she could be fine. And she was fine.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, that story is so beautiful.
Glennon Doyle:
I just thought of a delight from that moment, that maybe Amma has a little bit of me in her, because the trainer goes, “Did you hit your sternum?” And Amma heard, “Hit your sternum.” So she’s just doing whatever they say, so she slams herself in the chest while she’s laying down.
Abby Wambach:
She’s just laying there, and she goes, bam. And I was like, “Whoa.”
Glennon Doyle:
And the trainer goes, “Why’d you do that?”
Abby Wambach:
She goes…
Glennon Doyle:
“Because you told me to hit my sternum.”
Abby Wambach:
“Hit my sternum.” She said, “Did you hit your sternum?”
Amanda Doyle:
She’s like, “Well, now I did.”
All right. Do you have any more little ones, Sissy, you wanted to say?
Amanda Doyle:
I garner a lot of delight from the fact that the dog always knows when a kid is sad or hurt.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh.
Amanda Doyle:
If a kid is so sad about something, you don’t know what to say. But then, Shamus just walks in and puts his head on their shoulder or their lap and it’s like, “How did you know that?” It’s amazing to me.
Abby Wambach:
It is. I know. We had to actually edit all of the dog because we could just sit here and talk all day long about the delights our dogs give us. The dogs, they’re just our besties.
Glennon Doyle:
They’re delight reminders is what they are.
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm. Also, the way Alice says specifically, “Pacifically.”
Abby Wambach:
Oh.
Amanda Doyle:
That is a source of delight for me.
Abby Wambach:
That’s sweet.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, “Pacifically.”
Amanda Doyle:
I’m going to be so sad when she learns.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
I’ve never told her it’s wrong.
Glennon Doyle:
Good. Don’t.
Amanda Doyle:
Just because selfishly I want her to keep saying it that way.
Glennon Doyle:
I love that.
Amanda Doyle:
“Pacifically, I would like to draw your attention to…”
Glennon Doyle:
I had two little ones. One is I was thinking about it’s a delight to me every time my friend Alex comes over and I open the door, and she just stands on the doorstep and looks at me. She tilts her head to one side and puts this face on her face that makes it seem like we haven’t seen each other for 30 years and she’s been on a long journey and she has finally made it. She lives in LA. We see each other once a week, but it looks as if we have been on a long journey and have finally found our way back to each other, which it sometimes feels like life is like that. So Alex on the doorstep is one of my delights. And also, I have this yoga instructor who is really cool and wonderful. And then, every time I leave her, her class, she goes, “Bye, Glennon, I love you.”
Abby Wambach:
Aw.
Glennon Doyle:
And the other day I said, “I love you too, Anastasia.” And I do love her.
Abby Wambach:
Aw, that’s so sweet.
Glennon Doyle:
It’s like these people that show up in our lives and help us through an hour, help us through whatever. Yeah. I love you, Anastasia. I really do. I love you.
Abby Wambach:
I have a delight.
Glennon Doyle:
What’s that?
Abby Wambach:
So on Tuesday morning, I had made plans with your mom and your mom to go to my gym that I was speaking about earlier. And I think she was feeling a little nervous because…
Glennon Doyle:
Because she’s 75 years old and she’s going to the workout place that I have not gone to one time because I’m too scared of it?
Abby Wambach:
And she gets in there, and she’s moving weight, your mom.
Glennon Doyle:
I know.
Abby Wambach:
Is amazing.
Glennon Doyle:
I know.
Abby Wambach:
She’s so fucking badass. And so, my delight comes when the trainer comes over and he’s like, “That’s excellent form, excellent form.” And I was like, “Oh my God, that’s so exciting.” And then, the walk home, your mom was so grateful and thankful. And it’s kind of intense and overwhelming at first, because there’s a lot going on if you don’t know how it kind of flows. And it was just a fucking delight. It was amazing to me to go and do this thing and also super inspiring for me.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
It’s changed my outlook. I don’t have parents that are active in their seventies, so it’s reframing what my vision is for a future for ourselves. It’s really cool.
Glennon Doyle:
Sissy, do you have anything you want to end on?
Amanda Doyle:
I feel like the small town delights delight me, the little things. I was just thinking about how when we go for a couple weeks in the summer to this small town where John grew up going, and everyone’s looking out for/parenting everyone’s kids. And there’s not a, “Don’t talk to my kid like that.” There’s just nothing. It’s like, “Please. Say what needs to be said to my kid,” I guess. It’s just a few blocks and there’s a shop where you can get milkshakes and sandwiches and stuff.
Amanda Doyle:
And I remember calling up one time because I had to take Bobby somewhere, and I didn’t even say who I was. I was like, “Can I please have an egg sandwich on bread?” And they go, “Wait. Is this for Bobby?” And I was like, “Yeah.” And they go, “That’s not Bobby’s order. We’ll make Bobby’s order.” And I was like, “Okay.” And it’s the same place where Bobby came home one day and told me that unfortunately, at the market, the milkshake machine was broken. And I was like, “Good for them.” The milkshake machine was definitely not broken. They had just been like, “This little boy has had too many milkshakes, so we’re just going to tell him the milkshake machine is broken.” He’s like, “You’ll never believe it.” The next day he went and he’s like, “The milkshake machine is working again.”
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God, that’s so sweet.
Amanda Doyle:
I just really like that, where people can just make executive decisions about, “Your kid has been over-served of milkshakes and we’re just going to tell him it’s broken.”
Abby Wambach:
So good. Just some small town common sense.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes. And communal raising.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
Yes. Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
I freaking loved this. I think we should ask the Pod Squad. I think that we should collect delights from the pod squad. This is good stuff. You can’t add time, you can’t change time, but you can kind of change-
Abby Wambach:
The way you spend your time.
Glennon Doyle:
… your experience of life by focus.
Amanda Doyle:
Let’s plant some apricot roses.
Glennon Doyle:
Let’s plant some fucking apricots.
Amanda Doyle:
Of delights.
Glennon Doyle:
And pay attention.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Let’s pay attention.
Amanda Doyle:
Pay attention.
Abby Wambach:
Pod Squad, if you want to share some of your delights, call in (747) 200-5307. That’s (247) 200-5307.
Glennon Doyle:
You’re a delight, babe.
Abby Wambach:
I actually am.
Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
I am. And guess what? I think you are also a delight.
Glennon Doyle:
You do?
Abby Wambach:
One of the things that I am most delighted by is you and your delight.
Glennon Doyle:
Wow.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, delight abounds.
Abby Wambach:
I just love… Honestly, if I see somebody else in a delight moment, it does something to me. I’m like, “Oh.”
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
“Look at that person. Oh.”
Glennon Doyle:
“Oh.”
Amanda Doyle:
“Oh.”
Abby Wambach:
“Oh.”
Glennon Doyle:
Pod Squad.
Amanda Doyle:
“Oh.”
Glennon Doyle:
We’ll see you next time.
Amanda Doyle:
Go out there and get your, “Oh.”
Glennon Doyle:
Bye.
Amanda Doyle:
Bye.
Glennon Doyle:
If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you’d be willing to take 30 seconds to do each or all of these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things? Following the pod helps you because you’ll never miss an episode, and it helps us because you’ll never miss an episode. To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts. And then, just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow. This is the most important thing for the pod. While you’re there, if you’d be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful. We appreciate you very much. We Can Do Hard Things is produced in partnership with Cadence13 Studios.