The Pep Talk You, Your Grad & the Country Needs!
May 24, 2023
Abby Wambach:
So it’s graduation season, my favorite. And today, I’m celebrating every single member of the class of 2023, everyone who is graduating and everyone who loves a graduate. This is such a thrilling, overwhelming, inspiring, and sometimes scary time, and we are thinking of you in honor of all you’ve endured and accomplished and all the promise and hope you’re bringing out into the world you’ll create. I’m sharing with you the message I gave to the graduating class of Loyola Marymount University, a Catholic university.
Abby Wambach:
In it, I finally speak up for my little Catholic gay girl self and for all who have felt unsafe or unvalued in the places they deserve to feel most safe and valued. I got pretty emotional at the response. I hope it might bring you or the little self in you some inspiration today and share this with all the graduates you are celebrating this month or anyone who needs a little encouragement to keep doing hard things. Congratulations, graduates and families. We love you.
Paul S. Viviano:
Abby Wambach is a two-time Olympic gold medalist World Cup champion, six-time winner of the US Soccer Athlete of the Year Award, a national soccer hall of famer, and has been named one of the 100 most influential people in the world by Time Magazine.
Paul S. Viviano:
Abby’s professional soccer career is without equal. She is still the highest all-time goalscorer for the US national team. The lead scorer in two World Cup tournaments and has more World Cup goals than all other US players. At the time of her retirement in 2015, she was the highest score in the world for women and men with 184 goals. That’s only part of Abby’s story. Her impact extends well beyond the field. She has leveraged her prominence to advocate for and advance social justice causes that are consonant with LMU’S mission.
Paul S. Viviano:
Seeking to create the world we want to live in, Abby is an activist for equality, pay equity, diversity and inclusion, and serves on the DEI council for the US Soccer Federation. She is on the board of directors for Together Rising, a program that has revolutionized grassroots philanthropy to support women, children, and families in crisis. Abby is an ambassador to Athlete Ally and part owner of Angel City FC, Los Angeles’s team in the National Women’s Soccer League. And if that weren’t enough, Abby is the author of three books, including number one times bestseller WOLFPACK: How to Come Together, Unleash Our Power and Change the Game, in which Abby’s unwavering commitment to celebrating the accomplishments of her teammates and rushing toward the joy and shared feet of achievement is particularly inspiring on this glorious day when we honor every single person here.
Paul S. Viviano:
For her remarkable achievements, Loyola Marymount University is proud to bestow on Abby Wambach, the degree of Doctor of Humane Letters (honoris causa). Congratulations Dr. Wambach.
Paul S. Viviano:
Graduates families and friends. I am proud and pleased to introduce our commencement speaker, Dr. Abby Wambach.
Abby Wambach:
Thank you. Wow, that’s exciting. Dr. Wambach, from now on. When I was four dreaming of being a professional women’s soccer player, one day I was imagining a world that did not exist. There was no such thing as being a woman professional soccer player. Last week, along with the other owners, my wife and I stepped onto the field at the bank stadium for the home opener of the first majority owned women’s professional soccer franchise in history, Angel City FC.
Abby Wambach:
Shoulder to Shoulder with Billy Jean King, Mia Ham, Julie Foudy, and Shannon Box, I looked up into the sold out stands packed with ecstatic faces of thousands of Los Angeles families. As fireworks exploded and smoked, cleared to reveal the angel city players triumphantly taking the field. As we left the field to go to our seats, I saw a father holding the hand of his daughter, maybe four years old, wide-eyed with ketchup already dripping down her tiny Angel City jersey. He caught my eye, pointed at his little girl and then at the sold out crowd and yelled to me above the roar, “This is the only world she’ll ever know.” Thank you.
Abby Wambach:
The next morning I started writing this speech. I said yes to the invitation to speak to you today when I learned that LMU is a Catholic school in the Jesuit and Marymount traditions. You see, I was a little gay girl in Catholic schools and churches and while there was much about it I loved, I didn’t always feel loved back. I often felt unvalued and unsafe being who God made me be. In the one place, I should have felt safest and most valued. So I stand in front of you today in honor of that little girl and in honor of everyone who has felt othered in their school, in their church, in their family, in their nation.
Abby Wambach:
Over time, I have come to understand the Christian mandate to do unto others as you’d have them do unto you like this, that every good thing a Christian wants for themself and their family, they must demand for everyone and all families. So if one calls himself a Christian and wants a fair wage, healthy, affordable food, gender-affirming healthcare for his children, the right to marry the love of his life, save schools for his kids, the protection of the law and police force, the security of his bodily autonomy and dignity, if he wants that for himself, he must fight for these things for everyone.
Abby Wambach:
That clear mandate to do to others as you’d have them do to you no matter how it’s been bypassed or co-opted by power is still to spend one’s life fighting– fighting for black and brown folks, for queer and trans folks, for women, for the neurodivergent, for the poor and old and disabled, for all who have been othered. That is our what. So our next question is how. As you already know, tables are a big deal in the corporate and social justice worlds. We are forever discussing who does and doesn’t get a seat at the table, how to get a seat at the table and what to say when and if we get to that table.
Abby Wambach:
My understanding is that Jesus was into tables too. Specifically, the flipping of them. I think he had the right idea. Here are three ways to flip tables of power. Number one, dig deeper, demand numbers. When you go out into the world, stop believing organizations when they tell you who they are. Demand to see proof, not with words– with numbers. Pride Month is next month.
Abby Wambach:
As you might imagine, I am very, very well employed during Pride Month. Many organizations want to use my face to prove that they stand for equality. So my job is to first make sure they actually do so we’re not all lying. So when they ask me to show up for Pride month, I ask them to first show me their history of speaking out against the inhumane laws against trans kids, their electoral contributions, the queer leaders that they employ at the highest levels and how much they pay them. Instead of being distracted by institutions waving flags of Black Lives Matter, Pride, Women’s History Month, and Earth Day, ask them to waive their budgets, leadership rosters, profit reports, and environmental impacts instead.
Abby Wambach:
A flag alone does not tell you who a family or a company or a school or a country is, its investment does. Do not accept performative support without systemic proof. Flip those tables by digging deeper and demanding numbers. Number two, at every table you find yourself get aligned and stay aligned. A few years ago during a fancy meeting I attended, the agenda included the topic of women’s experience at the intersection of sports and media. Serena Williams and I were at the table along with many other male executives and athletes, one of whom was an NFL quarterback. This question was posed to the table, “What do we need to know about women’s experience in sports and media?” I paused. I looked at Serena to see if she wanted to start. During that pause, the NFL quarterback began speaking with great authority for a very long time about women’s sports at a table with Serena Williams and me.
Abby Wambach:
I sat there silently for too long. I was internally screaming at myself, why are you being silent? The answer is, I was nervous because this quarterback was a big deal. I wanted him to think I was cool and I wanted the other powerful men at the table to see me as a team player. If I were to get really honest with myself, I think I wanted those men to see me as one of them, as one of the boys. That’s when I realized I was misaligned. I wasn’t there to fall in line with the quarterback at the table, I was meant to stay aligned with every woman in sport who wasn’t yet at the table. It is very tempting. You can clap. It is very tempting when we finally make it to the table to do everything we can to stay there.
Abby Wambach:
We think we are there to preserve our seat instead of remembering we are there to use our seat. I finally held up my hand and I said, “I’m going to interrupt you, NFL quarterback.” He got quiet, and Serena and I held the rest of the conversation as God herself intended. When you are the one at the table with the least privilege, speak up. And when you are the one at the table with the most privilege, please shut up.
Abby Wambach:
Number three, live your solidarity out loud. I’m a member of a group that makes decisions about soccer in America and for background, the US women’s soccer team has been more successful over the years than the men’s team. We’ve won four World Cup championships while the men haven’t yet won one, they’ve got a chance this year. And I will be cheering for them because one of my core beliefs is that boys can do anything that girls can do. Four times.
Abby Wambach:
So even though in American soccer, success has been female-led, most of the governing bodies are still widely and disproportionately male-led. I decided to say something about this inequity on a formal conference call. I was nervous, so I prepared in advance, I gathered up all the other women who I knew would be at the meeting and told them to be ready so we could amplify each other. The call began. I sat in my little Zoom square and looked at the 40 other little Zoom squares mostly filled with men, and I stumbled and stammered, but I said the things. They were obvious things. And even though the bar I was proposing was so very low, not a single man on that call spoke up to support my suggestion that we begin to even the playing field, not a single one.
Abby Wambach:
I got off that call feeling shaken, embarrassed, and enraged, and then this amazing thing started happening. I began to receive texts and emails from some of the men who had been silent on that call. These messages said things like, “Hey, Abby, that was really brave. I totally agree with you.” Or, “Hey, loved your courage. I’ve got your back.” I stared at those messages, “I got your back,” and I thought, do you? Do you really, Chad?
Abby Wambach:
Of course not. You see, Chad wanted solidarity points for silent secret, too-late solidarity. He didn’t want to show solidarity when that support would’ve put his alignment with the old boys club at risk. He wanted solidarity without risk, but there is no such thing as solidarity without risk. When a brave soul at a table dares to speak up for those not at the table, for those not yet in whatever club that table represents, do not let her fall down and then privately swear you have her back. Catch her in real time. Let us once and for all decide that there is no such thing as silent solidarity.
Abby Wambach:
So, LMU class of 2022, we’ve got the what and we’ve got some hows, so now we must address the where. The world out there is big. Sometimes when I watch the news, it all just feels too big, too broken, too far gone. It’s hard to know where to start. Jewish wisdom tells us, do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief, you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Abby Wambach:
As you head out into the big world, forget about the big world, but don’t you dare abandon the small worlds. The ones you can see and hear and touch. The only worlds you’re obligated to change are the small ones, the office you’re in, the relationship you’re in, the Uber you’re in, the dinner table you’re at, and the community in which you live. Remember that little girl in Angel City jersey whose whole world was that stadium? After that game, she went out into the bigger world, the future, understanding the world as a place where women play at the highest level and women run organizations at the highest level, and women stand shoulder to shoulder with other women on the most important fields in the world. She left the stadium with that reality and she will become a ripple that affects eternity.
Abby Wambach:
So for God’s sake, don’t spend your life watching the news. It’s all bad news. Instead, be the news. In fact, you’re supposed to be the good news, right? The good news I have for you today, LMU, is that there are worlds out there waiting to be forever changed by you.
Abby Wambach:
Loyola Marymount University, graduating class of 2022, go forth and make a new world by doing unto others as you’d have them do unto you. Get out there, and flip some damn tables.
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