EASY FRIDAYS: Trick or Treat
October 28, 2022
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. Are we ready? No. No, when we start. No.
Abby Wambach:
We’re starting.
Amanda Doyle:
I was born ready.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
I was born ready.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, go.
Abby Wambach:
I Know. Ooh, ah, ah, ooh, ah, ooh.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. I don’t know what’s happening.
Abby Wambach:
Well, look, I’m just trying to get fired up.
Amanda Doyle:
We’re trying to have a Friday is what’s happening?
Abby Wambach:
We’re going… Friday.
Amanda Doyle:
Okay, do you hate joy. How do you hate joy?
Abby Wambach:
She does.
Glennon Doyle:
I mean, I-
Abby Wambach:
Why do you hate joy?
Glennon Doyle:
I do hate joy. I do hate joy.
Abby Wambach:
That’s the weirdest.
Glennon Doyle:
But I’m working on it.
Abby Wambach:
It’s Friday.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, here’s the deal.
Abby Wambach:
Let’s go.
Glennon Doyle:
Welcome to We can Do Hard Things. I’m surrounded by freaking joyful people. My coffee’s not done. My coffee is my joy and it will be inside of me soon. Welcome to easy Fridays. We can do hard things, pod squad.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
And we have proven it again and again every hour after hour, after hour with these paradigm shifting conversations. Today, there will not be a paradigm shift to be found.
Abby Wambach:
Thank God.
Glennon Doyle:
All right. It’s an easy Friday.
Abby Wambach:
I’m so-
Amanda Doyle:
Unless it’s like a super undercover one.
Glennon Doyle:
No, no slip ins.
Amanda Doyle:
Somehow a super secret one.
Abby Wambach:
This day is a day for me. I just feel deeply. I’m so connected to this easy Friday. When we record for Thursdays and Tuesdays, I’m like, “I don’t know if I know this shit.” Thank you for doing these easy Fridays for somebody like me.
Amanda Doyle:
I think it’s funny to say Thursdays and Tuesdays.
Abby Wambach:
I know.
Amanda Doyle:
Who says Thursdays and Tuesdays?
Abby Wambach:
I went backwards. I went backwards in my mind because guess what? I can do whatever the fuck I want it’s easy Friday’s day.
Amanda Doyle:
We’re so crazy we’re reversed chronological, it’s so crazy up in here on Friday.
Abby Wambach:
That’s the joy of easy Fridays.
Glennon Doyle:
I’m kind of scared because we all know that I actually, I can do hard things. I’m good at doing hard things, but I cannot do easy things that everyone else can do.
Abby Wambach:
That is correct. Oh my God, that is so correct. That might be the perfect difference between you and me.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
You are really good at doing hard things and I am really good at doing easy things.
Glennon Doyle:
It’s interesting, I think-
Amanda Doyle:
Like winning Olympic gold medals?
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly. Exactly.
Amanda Doyle:
Like easy things like that.
Glennon Doyle:
Right.
Abby Wambach:
Yes. But it was easier for me. It was easier for me.
Amanda Doyle:
I will give you that. It was easier for you than it would’ve been for me.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
I will give you that.
Glennon Doyle:
So here we are going into Halloween weekend speaking of scary things. Okay.
Abby Wambach:
Scary.
Glennon Doyle:
I want to tell you people, and dogs if you’re listening,
Abby Wambach:
I’m sure they are.
Glennon Doyle:
What happened to me this weekend when we are speaking of scary things because I want to give you an example of not being able to do easy things. A lot of people can go to airports successfully, get on their planes, do all the things. Going to an airport by myself, for me, you know those memes that are going around right now that are like a haunted house, but for me, an airport is a haunted house. It’s so much chaos. There are so many things that could go wrong. They often do go wrong.
Glennon Doyle:
There’s lots of people moving fast, yelling. In the midst of a lot of external chaos like that I tend to go internal. And that is the worst thing that can happen at an airport because then you’re constantly missing your gate, you see a bookstore, you see it as a haven of joy and peace and comfort. You go into the bookstore and then the next thing you know your plane is gone. So I’m at the airport this last week, I stress out, I go to the wrong gate. I only have a few minutes to go to the next gate. I go up to the gate person and I say, “Oh, this isn’t the right gate, is it?” And she goes, “It’s not, but we can do hard things.”
Abby Wambach:
Aww.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, did she really?
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s funny.
Glennon Doyle:
The point is-
Abby Wambach:
You’re like, “That’s not helping me right now.”
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly. So I make it to my destination and I go into the hotel and I’m so proud of myself because I have made it through this situation. Okay. But the hotel is a whole other plethora of strange new experiences every time. Right. So I go into the hotel bathroom, it’s nighttime now. I have made it, all my stuff is in, I’ve got actually Bravo on the television. I go into the bathroom and I open up the little room where the toilet is and this toilet is sitting there. It looks like a space ship. I don’t know how to explain it.
Glennon Doyle:
There’s like buttons and little lights all over it, and I open up the thing and the toilet seat rises magically. And so I’m like, “What is happening now? Something will probably happen.” But I sit down on the toilet and then I look to my left and there’s this panel of buttons. Okay. It’s just a panel of buttons. And I think maybe I just was drunk with my own power because I had made it through this day and I thought I could try something different. Now, when I… You know what I’m saying? I should have kept-
Amanda Doyle:
You can’t try something different, Doyle.
Glennon Doyle:
I can’t try something different.
Amanda Doyle:
How many times do we have to learn?
Glennon Doyle:
No. And what’s amazing is, I have not told you this story yet, sister. I’ve only told two people in my life.
Abby Wambach:
Are you serious? You haven’t told sister?
Glennon Doyle:
No.
Abby Wambach:
Oh, this is my most exciting moment.
Glennon Doyle:
So I don’t know what’s happening with these buttons. Now, I lose my mind in the face of technology. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just assume it’s not going to work. So what I always do, which drives Abby nuts, is that I just push all the buttons.
Abby Wambach:
It’s so annoying.
Glennon Doyle:
I just push all the buttons. Certainly, if I just push all of them, I’ll hit the right one. Right?
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah. You’re covering all your bases. You’re like, if I don’t know which one to push, probably what’ll work out well is if I push 12 of them.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Glennon Doyle:
Many times each.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. So I push all the buttons. The next thing that happens sister, is I’m sitting on the toilet and a geyser shoots into my ass. Okay. The effing toilet water attacks my ass. Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
Wait, have you already peed in it?
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. I already peed in it. I already peed in it.
Amanda Doyle:
Okay. So your own piss is being shot up your ass?
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly.
Abby Wambach:
No, no, no. No, it’s coming from a different source.
Amanda Doyle:
Well, we don’t know cause she’s pressed all the buttons, Abby.
Glennon Doyle:
But I don’t know that.
Abby Wambach:
Oh, that’s interesting. But I just want to be clear that it’s not pee water.
Glennon Doyle:
I thought it was going to flush. Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
I don’t think anything is clear, Abby. Nothings clear.
Glennon Doyle:
Nothing’s clear. All right. So here’s what happens to me. I’m attacked by the toilet from the bottom up. Okay. My brain goes-
Amanda Doyle:
Literally.
Glennon Doyle:
… Yeah, my brain goes, “Oh, this must be one of those situations that they call a bidet.” Okay.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. This is some kind of mechanical bidet. But once, and I’ve pressed so many buttons that they think I need the extra charge. Mount Vesuvius.
Amanda Doyle:
So it’s continuous?
Abby Wambach:
No. No sister-
Amanda Doyle:
Does it keep going and going and going?
Glennon Doyle:
No, it doesn’t stop.
Abby Wambach:
No, she keeps pressing buttons.
Glennon Doyle:
So I keep pressing buttons so it will stop.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, sister-
Abby Wambach:
It keeps going-
Amanda Doyle:
… because that’ll stop it. Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
Because it’ll keep going though.
Glennon Doyle:
Sister, I was on that effing bidet geyser ass-attacker for probably seven minutes. Okay. I could not get off because it was shooting so high like a geyser that I thought, well, I’m going to… The whole hotel room is going to flood.
Amanda Doyle:
Better my ass than these tiles.
Glennon Doyle:
This was like a colonoscopy.
Amanda Doyle:
But wait, wait, wait, wait. I have a question.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Normally where there’s peanut butter, there’s jelly. Normally where there’s a bidet, there’s a toilet. Was there another structure that looked less like a-
Glennon Doyle:
No, no, there was one toilet.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah, so this is a new-
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, it was like the European washer/dryer?
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
It was all one?
Abby Wambach:
So Glennon is sitting on this toilet.
Glennon Doyle:
I couldn’t get up?
Abby Wambach:
And she doesn’t have a phone because she didn’t go to the bathroom with her phone.
Glennon Doyle:
Because I sure as hell would’ve called out Abby-
Abby Wambach:
So she’s just sitting there.
Glennon Doyle:
… and said, how do I get this geyser out of my ass?
Abby Wambach:
She’s just sitting there.
Glennon Doyle:
And then at one point, I kept pressing the button that said oscillating. So then the geyser would move from my vulva all the way back to my ass and back and forth geysering me from front-to-back.
Abby Wambach:
Geysering.
Amanda Doyle:
But was that nice? It sounds kind of nice.
Glennon Doyle:
No, it wasn’t nice. It was an attack.
Abby Wambach:
She wasn’t expecting it. She didn’t know what she was getting into at this point.
Glennon Doyle:
Well, I also didn’t know how I was ever going to get out. Okay. So in my mind, I’m like, “I’m going to have to call the people and say I’m sorry, but your bidet attacked me and there’s nothing else I could do, so can you come up and turn it off.” Anyway.
Amanda Doyle:
Right. Right.
Glennon Doyle:
So I finally have pressed.
Abby Wambach:
Oh my God.
Glennon Doyle:
… I stopped doing anything. I remember that line from the Simpsons.
Amanda Doyle:
Well that was a good call.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
How many minutes did it take you to figure out how to stop doing nothing?
Glennon Doyle:
At least five solid minutes. Now five minutes doesn’t sound like a lot until you’ve been sitting on a geyser. Okay. So I was actually worried for my own health. I was like, “Is this okay? Is it okay?” So I very sheepishly get off the toilet, climb into bed. I decide to stop doing anything.
Amanda Doyle:
Does it dry you?
Glennon Doyle:
I just was basically in bed peeing for hours. It was just like coming out.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh my God.
Glennon Doyle:
Because what goes up must come down. I told you-
Abby Wambach:
Uh-huh. I could not stop laughing.
Glennon Doyle:
This is why it’s so dangerous to leave the house. New experiences, so many buttons, so many gates, so many noises. That’s… So many things that could go wrong.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah, it’s terrifying.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s Terrifying. So haunted house, but it’s a toilet with 12 buttons.
Glennon Doyle:
Buttons. Exactly. Oh my gosh, have you seen those haunted house memes that are going around?
Abby Wambach:
They’re the best.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh my God, I love it. I pulled some because I think they’re so funny. A haunted house, but it’s just receiving a text message that says call me.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh God, with no punctuation?
Amanda Doyle:
Nothing.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
Nothing.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s the worst. That’s, oh no, chills.
Glennon Doyle:
The second anyone says, call me. We need a meeting. I just assume everyone’s mad at me.
Abby Wambach:
Well, I mean, yesterday one of our kids texted us and It was like, “Hey, could you call me for a minute? Everything’s fine just I would love to chit-chat.” You read it to me. And I was like, “Oh my gosh. What do you think is wrong?”
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. Our kid says, “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s good. Don’t worry.” And we hear-
Abby Wambach:
What?
Glennon Doyle:
… something terrible has happened. Call me right now.
Abby Wambach:
It’s like what?
Amanda Doyle:
That’s correct. That’s correct. A haunted house, but it’s rooms full of people who have literally told you their name’s three seconds ago, but then the person you’re with asks you to introduce them.
Glennon Doyle:
Nope.
Abby Wambach:
It’s gone.
Amanda Doyle:
Terrifying.
Abby Wambach:
Nobody remembers names.
Amanda Doyle:
No. No.
Abby Wambach:
We should all just have like… We should all have a one name that we just go with. We should all have the same name.
Glennon Doyle:
Well also, and-
Amanda Doyle:
We should all have the same-
Abby Wambach:
We should.
Glennon Doyle:
… that was.
Amanda Doyle:
… have the same name.
Abby Wambach:
Ugh.
Amanda Doyle:
And then this is the thing of nightmares, so brace yourself. A haunted house, but it’s just a coffee shop that only serves decaf.
Abby Wambach:
No, that’s not a coffee shop. One of the things that I think is important about Halloween that I just really want to talk about, why do we want to terrify ourselves?
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God.
Abby Wambach:
What is this about? I remember when I was a kid and it was fun and exciting, but now that I’m an adult, I’m like, that’s just actually traumatic.
Glennon Doyle:
I know. I’m convinced it’s just that people just want to feel something. Everybody’s just a little bit dead inside and it takes somebody jumping out with a fricking chainsaw and a scary mask to feel something. I for one, don’t need that extra… Just a toilet scares the shit out of me.
Abby Wambach:
I mean, I just remember those haunted hay rides that-
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my god.
Abby Wambach:
… we’d go on and the people would come up with a chainsaw. And I was too young to understand that there was no chain on the saw. I was terrified.
Glennon Doyle:
I know. It’s so weird.
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Abby Wambach:
I don’t get it.
Glennon Doyle:
Some people are so into it.
Amanda Doyle:
It is weird.
Glennon Doyle:
We have a kid who’s so into it.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
So into the terrifying movies. For me, a haunted house, but it’s just actually a haunted house.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
Like walking around with anything jumping out at you, which is-
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Those mirror houses. Those mirror where you can’t get out and I never was one-
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God.
Abby Wambach:
… of those people that could see the exit. I was the kid that was like, bam, right straight into the mirror. Bam. I can’t get out. I can’t get out. I’m just going to sit. Just sit in there and then I’m stuck.
Amanda Doyle:
Abby, I feel like you like scary movies. Do you like scary movies?
Abby Wambach:
No. I mean, when I was a kid, I think it was a… I thought watching scary movies was the gateway to adulthood. So I was like, “Oh yeah, I can handle this.”
Amanda Doyle:
Ah.
Abby Wambach:
But now that I’m an adult, I’m like, “No, I don’t want to be scared.” There is way too much horror in the real world to manufacture this shit.
Amanda Doyle:
Right.
Glennon Doyle:
Well, I think that you’re always watching scary movies, but they’re not horror movies. To me, a scary movie is any movie that has a conflict.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah. Mystery or action.
Glennon Doyle:
Right. Any movie that is not a rom-com that I haven’t seen already 60 times. I want to watch movies where I know what’s going to happen because in real life I don’t know what’s going to happen. Why would I also want to enter another experience where I don’t freaking know what’s going to happen? I want to be able to recite the movie from start to finish.
Glennon Doyle:
I have seen one situation that I think I was like, “Oh, maybe this is why people also like scary movies,” is our daughter. One of our daughters loves scary movies with her friends. And when I peek in on what’s going on, I can see that a scary movie, that a bunch of people are watching together creates a together experience.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
When you’re watching a movie with people and everybody’s in their own little world.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
But this scary movie creates these jump scares or whatever where they’re all-
Abby Wambach:
Holding each other.
Glennon Doyle:
… holding each other-
Abby Wambach:
Yes. Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
… and responding to each other. So maybe that’s it. There’s a forced in the momentness and a forced, which is why I don’t want it, but a forced in the momentness and a forced-
Abby Wambach:
Collectiveness.
Glennon Doyle:
… group connectiveness. It’s almost like, why do people like roller coasters?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Because it’s like… We have a kid who’s super brainy and who loves roller coasters, and I always thought, oh, it’s because they want to be like-
Abby Wambach:
Getting-
Glennon Doyle:
… in their body.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah, in the body. Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
So could that-
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah, that’s true. That’s psychologically true. That they’re-
Glennon Doyle:
Oh here she goes.
Amanda Doyle:
… that that scary-
Glennon Doyle:
She’s going to make easy Friday hard.
Amanda Doyle:
What’s that?
Glennon Doyle:
I said, oh, here she goes. She’s going to make easy Friday. hard. She’s going to make fun Halloween boring. Yeah, go.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s a conduit for social bonding.
Glennon Doyle:
Ah.
Abby Wambach:
Look at you.
Amanda Doyle:
There’s this all of this study by Zhang in Johns Hopkins and it was consuming horror in a group bonds and connects family and friends because it is linked to oxytocin. That’s the hormone that is these feelings of closeness and affinity. So when you watch horror movies with your friends, you are all experiencing oxytocin together and then you feel a sense of closeness with them.
Abby Wambach:
That makes sense.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s so great.
Abby Wambach:
All right.
Glennon Doyle:
Cool. I get that. I get that.
Abby Wambach:
All right, Halloween.
Amanda Doyle:
But I think there’s something that’s happening with you, Glennon, which is, there’s all of this stuff that says that you could only like horror and scary things if you have what’s called a protective frame. And it’s this idea that you can only get pleasure from being horrified if you have these things where you know that you are physically safe and that you can detach-
Abby Wambach:
It’s not-
Amanda Doyle:
… from what’s happening.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah, it’s not real.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
And that you can save yourself from whenever the situation it is. And so this makes sense. Right. This is why people who have experienced war don’t watch war movies.
Abby Wambach:
Right.
Amanda Doyle:
They did studies where they showed that like the higher the GDP, the more wealth and ease of conditions, the greater consumption of horror-
Glennon Doyle:
Wow.
Amanda Doyle:
… even if it’s equally available because the idea is that you don’t have the psychological protective frame. Your life is too scary to be able to disassociate from what you’re watching.
Abby Wambach:
Yep.
Glennon Doyle:
Totally.
Amanda Doyle:
Which is why-
Abby Wambach:
I bet highly empathetic people.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Because what do I say.
Abby Wambach:
That’s true.
Glennon Doyle:
It makes me so mad every time you say what? Don’t be scared-
Abby Wambach:
This is not real.
Glennon Doyle:
… it’s not real. It’s not real.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
And I’m like, “That is so not true. This is real for somebody somewhere.”
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Like this, oh, oh, this murder that’s happening on my Netflix, okay, it’s not real right now to that actor, but this thing that they’re play acting a bunch of people have experienced all over the world in this moment. It is real. It’s all real, is all I’m saying.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Somebody somewhere.
Amanda Doyle:
It is true, the more empathetic you are the less you like these things.
Abby Wambach:
Yep.
Amanda Doyle:
And women like it less, and I think that is not coincidental to the fact that women are very often being pursued and stalked and killed in all these movies.
Abby Wambach:
Sure.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s like, why do we like that? And by the way, can we do an episode at some time about like the Datelines and the true crime.
Abby Wambach:
Yes. I, Abby, am saying I will head host.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, well you’ll have to host, look out because I won’t be there.
Abby Wambach:
It is my head hosting job now to do because I love the murder mystery stuff. I am so into it and it’s because I am not as empathetic as you two are.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. I was going to say we would have different approaches to that episode. So you do it.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
You do it for all those people that like that shit. Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
I do think that part of it though there’s like this excitement and joy and then there’s this anticipation and terror. And for me, I think the feeling is relief, post-intensity relief.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
And for me, I don’t know the difference between happiness and relief.
Abby Wambach:
Really?
Glennon Doyle:
I hear that.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s the same thing.
Abby Wambach:
Interesting.
Amanda Doyle:
I’m like every, “Oh God, thank God that bad thing didn’t happen.” Just over and over and over all day long.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. I feel like we need to work on that though too because that’s adrenaline fight or flight, up and down relief. Totally get that. And then there’s this kind of contentedness situation that is not that, right. But I get that completely. Relief is the happiest thing.
Amanda Doyle:
We have some pod squaders.
Glennon Doyle:
Yay.
Amanda Doyle:
… who have called in-
Abby Wambach:
Oh good.
Amanda Doyle:
… their halloweeny-weeny-
Abby Wambach:
Halloweeny-weeny.
Glennon Doyle:
Scary things.
Amanda Doyle:
Halloweeny-weeny, scary, happy theme.
Glennon Doyle:
Wonderful.
Amanda Doyle:
Let’s hear from Amanda.
Amanda:
Hey, Glennon, and Abby and sister. I was listening to your Creativity, Chemistry and Claiming Podcast and I just had to stop it and say thank you because it’s exactly what I needed to hear today. By the way, my name’s Amanda, too. And about just you needing to have fun, and I need to have fun and claim it. And sometimes that means either out loud, but it’s probably more in my mind telling people to fuck off. For example, I love dressing up in costumes and Halloween what greater time to dress up.
Abby Wambach:
Cool.
Amanda:
Well, in past years, I have children, I dressed up. And I dressed up with my kids and I’ve had moms literally kind of make fun of me for dressing up. Like, “Who are you to dress up? This is about the kids.” And so I was doubting if I should do it this year, and your podcast and just listening to sister talking about the flame, and Abby saying, “Do one thing every day,” just made me think, you know what? Yeah, fuck off.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda:
I’m going to dress up. I’m going to dress up not because my kids want me to, and not because anyone else wants me to, or doesn’t want me to, but because it’s fun for me and I like it, so fuck off.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda:
Anyway, thank you just for the support of your podcast and just reminding all of us what is important and that it’s important to have fun. And sometimes people, I think, are so afraid to have fun themselves that they judge other people who are having fun.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes, Amanda.
Glennon Doyle:
That’s right.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right. That’s right. And if anybody gives you the side-eye, fuck off, just tell them.
Amanda Doyle:
But don’t you think with anything where people are doing what they want to do, it unsettles the ecosystem?
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Because it’s like, but you can’t just go around doing whatever you do, and I’m mad that I see you doing what you want to do, because I’m restraining myself from doing what I want to do in a totally different sphere or lane.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
I love dressing up. I love dressing up for Halloween. And by the way, this doesn’t just extend, I think, to the Halloween thing. Amanda was going to not dress up or was considering it because she got sort of made fun of for dressing up, and I’m sure it was in a subtle way. But how many times do we kind of self-police not even in dressing up? Just like, I want to put this on today, or I want to wear this eyeliner, or I want to wear no makeup. We’re constantly doing that. But-
Glennon Doyle:
I feel that. I feel that so much. I had to do this speaking event last week and I had to put on a suit and I was like, “Why do I have to do this? I feel like I have a costume on. Why can’t I just go to this thing and just wear what I want to wear?”
Abby Wambach:
You can.
Glennon Doyle:
No, I don’t feel like I can.
Abby Wambach:
You can. I do.
Glennon Doyle:
I think if I went and I was… No, you wear a suit jacket or something.
Abby Wambach:
I don’t, not every time. Sometimes I do because I’m feeling a little bit more like dressing up some other times.
Glennon Doyle:
No, but you feel like you just do it when you want to?
Abby Wambach:
It’s always only… Because I know for me, and the person that, when I go out into the world, I know that I’m giving somebody else permission to do the same. I think that people going to these conferences or whatever that I’m speaking at, when I get up there and I’m wearing casual, oftentimes the attire says business casual, and I just take the casual to the enth degree.
Glennon Doyle:
You see at as-
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah, well I’m 50% right.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. You see it as business or casual.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
I choose casual.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. Yeah. What are they going to say? You’re dressed inappropriately. No. And so when I’m up there, I know that there’s another person who might look like me or might feel like they want to be more comfy. So you don’t have to.
Glennon Doyle:
And did you say sister, that you love dressing up for Halloween? Did I just hear you say that?
Amanda Doyle:
Mm-hmm.
Glennon Doyle:
You do?
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God.
Abby Wambach:
Oh wow.
Glennon Doyle:
Are you going to dress up this year?
Amanda Doyle:
Well, yes, but I haven’t figured out what yet. So I have two days.
Glennon Doyle:
I think you would make a good witch.
Amanda Doyle:
I have heard that more than once.
Abby Wambach:
I wanted to just say this one thing. Amanda, the person who called in. One of my friends, long ago, she was a massage therapist on the national team, Angie, she and her husband got married in Wonder Woman and Superman costumes.
Glennon Doyle:
Wow.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s amazing.
Abby Wambach:
And she posts it, this picture, every year on her social. I remember looking at it for the first time being like, “What did she do? She’s going to totally regret this,” but she-
Amanda Doyle:
She doesn’t. She posts it every year.
Amanda Doyle:
She doesn’t regret it.
Abby Wambach:
Every year she posts it and it’s like, oh those are people that are of joy.
Glennon Doyle:
And they are doing what they want.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
Nobody said to them, you must wear a Superman and a Wonder Woman. It came from inside them.
Abby Wambach:
Exactly.
Glennon Doyle:
They are building by design and not default.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh my God, you’ve just struck on something. It is weird as shit-
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
… when you think about it. That for a celebratory day, that’s so weird that everyone’s wearing the exact same shit.
Abby Wambach:
Yep. It is weird. It is so weird. These weird little costumes that you wear on the most-
Glennon Doyle:
I know.
Abby Wambach:
… important day of your life and you’re like, this is what I’m supposed to do. I’m just going to stand here uncomfortable the whole fucking day because these pictures are going to matter. And Angie, my friend, is proof that that is not true. I think we should go to the next caller.
Amanda Doyle:
All right. Let’s hear from Leslie.
Leslie:
Hi, my name is Leslie. I am a therapist. I am about to sit for my LCSW exam here in Virginia.
Amanda Doyle:
Social worker.
Leslie:
And I’m calling to tell you that I did not know how to say no to things, even though I tell my clients all the time to say no. And I had a mini breakdown this morning because I had signed up to do tricker fucking trunk treat, or I don’t know what it’s called. But I had signed up because I wanted to be that mom, and I had said, yes, I’ll do this thing that I didn’t want to do, but I felt like I should do it because I wanted to be that mom. And I said yes, and I’m not creative and I was panicking about it. And then I got the email giving me the instructions about how to do it and I freaked out because I have this big exam coming and I don’t have enough time to study anyway. And I was sitting in the bathroom crying and I decided I can say no.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Leslie:
And so I texted my wife who was in the other part of the house and she said, “No, you can do it.” And I said, “No, I don’t have to do it because the podcast tells me I can say no.” So I don’t have a question. Well, actually I have lots of questions, but I’m not going to ask any of them. Thank you all. And everyone else says you are light in the world. And I listen to you every week and you help me be a better therapist and I appreciate that. Thank you
Amanda Doyle:
Leslie.
Glennon Doyle:
I love her so much.
Abby Wambach:
So good.
Glennon Doyle:
I love her. I love her.
Abby Wambach:
So what is she talking about? The Halloween trunk or treat?
Glennon Doyle:
Oh my God.
Amanda Doyle:
Trunk or treat. Okay, this-
Glennon Doyle:
It’s where you go and there’s a parking lot and then everybody opens up their trunks and then the kids go around and they take candy out of the trunk.
Abby Wambach:
Is this to like-
Amanda Doyle:
But it’s not just that you have to decorate-
Glennon Doyle:
Decorate your frigging car.
Amanda Doyle:
… the shit out of it. You have to be… See, this is a question. I have so many questions. Like Leslie, I have many questions. Why are we always making things more?
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly.
Amanda Doyle:
Why? It used to be you just looked around your house, put some shit on you.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Amanda Doyle:
Went around the neighborhood.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Amanda Doyle:
And now it’s like, well that’s not good enough.
Abby Wambach:
Yep.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s not festive enough. We have to have the trunk of fucking treat.
Abby Wambach:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And we have to have a school Halloween, and we have to have a home Halloween, and we have to have-
Abby Wambach:
A parking lot Halloween.
Amanda Doyle:
… it’s just like enough. Here’s the other thing I will say. First of all, she said she’s not creative. She is a social worker in the making that is-
Glennon Doyle:
The most creative.
Amanda Doyle:
… definitively fucking creative.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
You know what else is creative? Sitting in your freaking bathroom and texting your wife, I’m not doing it. That’s creative. I love that shit.
Amanda Doyle:
Yes.
Glennon Doyle:
I’m not ready to say it face-to-face, so I will text it from the bathroom.
Amanda Doyle:
Right. And I also love this thing. Her wife says, “You can do it.” Okay, let’s stop right there. Of course, we can fucking do it.
Glennon Doyle:
Exactly.
Amanda Doyle:
We can do anything. The question should not be, can you do it? Can you pull it together to get it done? Can you make it happen? Can you gather your resources and get the 47,000 things done? That is not the question. The question is-
Abby Wambach:
Should you.
Amanda Doyle:
Do you want to do that?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
Yes.
Amanda Doyle:
And she says, “I don’t want to do that.
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Amanda Doyle:
Of course, I can do it. I don’t want to do it.” I love it. I love it. Good job, Leslie.
Glennon Doyle:
And I feel like if more people said no, that they didn’t want to do it, then we would all stop doing the extra more stupid things that nobody wants to do in the first place because there’s a wider question. I don’t want to do that, but also like what Abby just said, “Should we even be doing this in the first place?”
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Glennon Doyle:
If all the people were like, actually, I just want to do the basics, then we’d free up all this. Here’s what I want to say. This is one thing that I have actually learned because how do we not get in our situation, this situation where we are constantly signing up for things that we don’t want to do? I have learned that I have to say to myself when someone proposes, do you want to do this thing or will you do this thing? Do I want to do it today or tomorrow? If this thing were tomorrow would I want to do it?
Abby Wambach:
Yeah. It’s a good barometer.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. Because what I’m always doing is saying yes to something four months from now because I constantly think I’m going to become a different version of myself by then, who will want to do the type of thing that someone’s asking me. But I’ve never become a different version of myself ever. If you don’t want to do it today, you’re not going to want to do it four months from now.
Abby Wambach:
Well, I agree with your philosophy on some level, but I also think that there are things that we do want to do that are hard that… Even today I’m like, I really don’t want to do it. So I also think that we have to go beyond just the day and think, will I have wanted to do this thing in five years? Will it be that important?
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, here’s what I think we think. We think, no, but I want to do the decorate even… For people who do want to do the decorating, God speed. I have many friends that are like that and I love them, and they are magic makers, and yay. But if you are the type of person who doesn’t want to do that thing, but you do it because you think it’s tied to joyful family connection and experience, what I have found is when I do those extra, extra things, that the world tells you have to do to be a good mom, when I don’t want to I end up being bitter, and tired, and annoyed and that ruins the family connection, that could’ve happened if I would’ve just shown up, not done all the extra things and had a little bit more relaxation and peace about it.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah, cause-
Glennon Doyle:
Because the kids never asked for all that shit.
Abby Wambach:
… it’s preventing the connection because you’re pissed and bitter, and so then when you get into the moment you’re just exhausted and you’re actually not in the connection of it.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah. All right, let’s hear from Jessie.
Jessie:
Hi, this is Jessie. Last year, I got out of a pretty huge breakup with my daughter’s father and was exploring dating again. And I was seeing a gentleman who lived in a different state and we would trade sexy photos back and forth.
Abby Wambach:
Ooh.
Jessie:
And I had sent him a photo back in August, and then rolls around Halloween, and my daughter and I were at a pumpkin patch with some friends and I made a photo album to send to my dad and my mom who live in North Carolina, far away.
Abby Wambach:
Oh my God.
Jessie:
And lo and behold my iPhoto played a trick on me and added one of these sexy nude photos at the very end of the album of my young daughter being cute at a pumpkin patch, to which my father instantly said, “Are you kidding me? The last photo.” That was his response to all of the beautiful photos of my daughter to his 38-year-old daughter. So at 38 I sent my father a nude photo. I don’t really know if you can top that. My response was just, “LOL, sorry.” Okay, I hope you have a great day.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, we will now. We will have a great day now, Jessie.
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, so Jessie gives a whole new meaning to trick or treat.
Amanda Doyle:
She’s like, her iPhoto played a trick on me. Here’s a treat, pops. That’s amazing. First of all, Jessie hats off to you. People are sending sexy photos at 38?
Glennon Doyle:
I know. I’m so proud.
Amanda Doyle:
I’m living vicariously through them.
Abby Wambach:
That was so good.
Glennon Doyle:
I’m so proud of Jessie. That is so awesome. I didn’t know we still did that, although I did that when we were first together. I sent you sexy photos. Do you remember?
Amanda Doyle:
Oh, oh, okay. All right. All right, treat, treat.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
Also, how about her response?
Abby Wambach:
Treat, treat.
Amanda Doyle:
LOL.
Glennon Doyle:
I think-
Amanda Doyle:
I love how we say LOL whenever it’s the opposite of what we’re doing because sure as shit neither Jessie or her dad were LOL’ing in that moment.
Glennon Doyle:
They might never LOL again. I don’t know if they can. I don’t know if they can LOL ever again. I love Jessie. I don’t know what we did before the LOL. Just that response to anything. Pod squad, just anything. Anyone that pisses you off. Anything that goes wrong just-
Abby Wambach:
LOL, sorry.
Glennon Doyle:
Just channel Jessie, LOL, sorry, and especially if it’s in real life.
Abby Wambach:
Yeah.
Glennon Doyle:
If someone comes up to you and says something dumbass, you just look at them and you say with a completely straight face, LOL, right, and then that’s it.
Amanda Doyle:
Or we could use Melissa McCarthy’s mom, “Well probably.”
Abby Wambach:
Probably.
Glennon Doyle:
Oh, we’ve said it. We’ve said-
Abby Wambach:
Probably.
Glennon Doyle:
Abby and I have said that to each other 20 times this past week. Or our first caller, Amanda, we could also use, “It’s fun for me. I like it. So fuck off.”
Abby Wambach:
That’s right.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay, that’s, if LOL doesn’t work-
Abby Wambach:
Yes, yes. That’s the next level.
Glennon Doyle:
… we move to probably. And if they’re still sticking around, “It’s fun for me. I like it. Fuck off.”
Abby Wambach:
Probably.
Amanda Doyle:
That’s great. I like a three step program. You’re on yellow, you’re about to go to fuck off.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay. Pod squad, we love you so much. And I hope-
Abby Wambach:
Was it easy?
Glennon Doyle:
I thought it was kind of easy. I mean I’m still sweating as usual, but I don’t know.
Abby Wambach:
Really?
Glennon Doyle:
How did you people feel about easy Fridays?
Amanda Doyle:
I loved it.
Glennon Doyle:
Okay.
Amanda Doyle:
It’s Friday everyone have fun.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Amanda Doyle:
Have Friday fun and do what you want to do and enjoy yourself.
Glennon Doyle:
And also-
Amanda Doyle:
Get a kick out of you.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah, get a kick out of you. And one last thing, just a teeny thing. I love it when people do this on Halloween. If you feel like doing this, do it. If you don’t, don’t. If it feels like too much. But you know how all the little ones who have severe allergies can never get their Halloween treats? So there’s this thing you can do where you find a teal pumpkin, you put your teal pumpkin on the front porch, and then the little ones who have severe allergies know that at your house they can get a safe treat. I just think that-
Abby Wambach:
What is a safe treat?
Glennon Doyle:
Well, anything that doesn’t have peanuts in it. I mean there’s a whole… You can find… You can do food things.
Amanda Doyle:
Yeah, you can do pencils, you can do tattoos.
Glennon Doyle:
Yeah.
Abby Wambach:
Oh, okay, cool.
Amanda Doyle:
We do a lot of little games, little notebooks, just any kind of treat thing. Also, let’s not do Halloween shaming for a lot of neurodiverse kids. A lot of kids who have sensory issues. You might see kids that look older than you would expect to have people trick or treating. You might see kids not in costumes. There’s a lot of kids for whom sensory issues makes costumes really uncomfortable and they deserve to have fun and enjoy the day just like everyone else. So let’s just go ahead and challenge ourselves to not be shaming or policing the people who come to our door and just try to take that job off our hands and think of our only job as passing out treats.
Abby Wambach:
I have a confession to make-
Glennon Doyle:
Oh Lord.
Abby Wambach:
… about Halloween. I have scarcity that no more trick or treaters will come to the door and so whenever anybody shows up at my door, I give them like-
Glennon Doyle:
I know.
Abby Wambach:
I’m like, “Take all of them.”
Glennon Doyle:
I know, why-
Abby Wambach:
Just take them all and then I got to go run to the store real quick because we’re out.
Amanda Doyle:
Me too.
Glennon Doyle:
We ran twice to the store in the middle of Halloween last year to buy shit.
Abby Wambach:
I’m like, “What is going on right now with you, Abby? Just give them one piece.”
Glennon Doyle:
All right, happy Halloween. We love you all. We will see you back here next time. Have an easy Friday.
Amanda Doyle:
Bye.
Abby Wambach:
Boo.
Glennon Doyle:
We can do hard Things is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios. Be sure to rate, review and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts. Especially, be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it. If you didn’t, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.