For twenty years I was lost to bulimia and alcoholism and bad love and drugs. I suffered. My family suffered. I had a relatively magical childhood, which added an extra layer of guilt to my pain and confusion. Glennon – why are you all jacked up when you have no excuse to be all jacked up?
My best guess is that I was born with an extra dose of sensitivity to love and pain. I didn’t want to walk through the battlefield of life naked. So when I was ten years old, I made up my own little world called addiction and I hid there for decades. I felt safe. No one could touch me.
On Mother’s Day 2002, unwed and addicted, I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test. For the first time in my life – I wanted something more than I wanted to be numb. I decided to become a mother and vowed to never again have another drink, cigarette, drug, unhealthy relationship, or food binge. I found myself marrying my son’s father.
Thirteen years later, I’m still married to that man I barely knew, and I’m also the mother of three kids, two mutts, this community of truth tellers, and the two most majestic banyan trees you’ve ever seen. I’m also a Sunday School teacher, an award-winning blogger, a New York Times bestselling author, speaker, and the founder and president of Together Rising – a non-profit that has raised over four million dollars for vulnerable women and children. Underneath and on top of all that I’m a Recovering Everything. I’m prouder of that title than I am of any other. Every morning, I open my eyes and immediately understand that I am still that girl on the bathroom floor, holding that pregnancy test like a terrifying invitation, trying to decide whether to stay down on the cold floor or get up and show up for my life.
Most days I decide to show up, because I was right when I was little. Life is brutal. But it’s also beautiful. Brutiful, I call it. Life’s brutal and beautiful are woven together so tightly that they can’t be separated. Reject the brutal, reject the beauty. So now I embrace both, and I live well and hard and real.
Glennon Doyle Melton is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Carry On, Warrior, and the forthcoming memoir Love Warrior. Glennon is also the founder of Momastery, an online community reaching millions of people each week. She is the creator and president of Together Rising—a non-profit organization that has raised over four million dollars for families around the world through its Love Flash Mobs, which have revolutionized online giving.
Glennon is a sought-after public speaker and her work has been featured on the TODAY Show, The Talk, OWN, and NPR and in The New York Times, Ladies’ Home Journal, Glamour, Family Circle, Parents Magazine, Newsweek, Woman’s Day, and in other television and print outlets. Glennon lives in Florida with her family.