Last night I was in my cloffice finishing something up and I heard my girls start fighting for the seven millionth time. They were yelling at each other and their voices were getting louder and louder and I just got so pissed. I felt so DONE. I was so tired of their fighting that I totally forgot that peace begins with me and I lost it. I just lost it. I stood up and RAN out of my cloffice with such fury that I bashed my toes against the wall. And it hurt like a mother. It felt like a FIRE had just started on my foot. The pain traveled all the way to the top of my head and my entire existence became stubbed toe. I looked up at Tish who had just walked into the room and I let out the F-bomb. Loudly. In her direction. And then with my most terrifying monster voice I growled. GET. OUT. GET. OUT! She immediately started crying hysterically – she thought I was dying – and she ran out. I let her go and I crumpled onto the floor.
This really would have been bad enough, but I had more damage to do. Because I was angry and exhausted and a little embarrassed and so it was important for me to make sure everyone knew this was NOT MY FAULT. It was THE FIGHTING. It was THEM. They did this to me. So I picked my bashed toes up of the ground and I limped out of my room and I found both my girls huddled and crying in the hallway. And I looked them right in the eye and I said: Do you SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FIGHT LIKE THIS? BAD things happen. I got HURT.
And they looked at me with the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen because their mommy was hurt and it was all their fault. And I looked back at them with the saddest eyes because my girls were hurt and it was all my fault. And I should have grabbed them right then and there – but I couldn’t say sorry yet. I just couldn’t. I was so tired. I just wanted everybody to feel as bad as I did for a little bit longer.
So I went back to my room and shut the door and sat on the floor and held my foot and rocked back and forth there for a while. My toes didn’t even hurt anymore. I just held them in case Craig walked in. He needed to think I was hurt badly. I needed a good excuse. And Craig did walk in a few moments later – holding a frozen bag of broccoli. And he sat down on the floor next to me and silently held the frozen broccoli on top of my foot. I’m pretty sure he knew I wasn’t hurt all that bad. But still. The broccoli was grace. And grace is what makes a girl ready to apologize.
So after a few minutes I stood up and walked out of my room to find my girls again. I wiped their weepy eyes and I grabbed their teeny hands and I asked them to follow me. They did, because they still trusted me. We curled up on Amma’s bed and Craig came in, too, and I kissed their soft, soft faces and I said: I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for scaring you. None of that was your fault. Sisters fight. It’s normal for you to fight. Mommy hurt herself and she was angry and she lashed out at you because she wanted someone to blame. You weren’t to blame at all. I’m so sorry.
And they cried and promised that they forgave me and I rocked them like they were babies again, because they were. And then I looked up to see that Chase was standing in the door, taking a picture of us. And I said, “What are you doing?” And Chase said, “My homework for photography class is to take one picture that represents my family. This is it – with all the apologizing and hugging and crying and forgiving. This is us.”
Yes. This is family: With all the apologizing and hugging and crying and forgiving — a place to practice giving and accepting grace. 
So, there you go. This is Us. Us is Grace. And Grace is good enough for Us.
*When I put Tish to bed she said: Mama. That sure was an overreactment of you, wasn’t it?
Yes, Yes it was. I said.
Mama – you said the F word.
Yes, Yes I did. I said.
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Grace for you,
Grace for me,
Grace for her and him and we.
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300 Comments
THIS IS US—-I hope you get royalties from the show…You know they stole the name from this post. They owe you. JK-ish. Love you.
A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.
I think that you ought to publish more on this subject,
it might not be a taboo subject but generally people don’t
discuss these subjects. To the next! All the best!!
it’s so impressive how much of yourself you expose here– how you’re willing to show the ugly side. how brave you are. that’s what strikes me every time i read your posts. thank you for that. we need more of it in the world! truth telling–
We all yell
might I suggest you leave your cloffice and teach your children some discipline so when you call through to stop fighting, they listen. Perhaps the child that could identify and articulate “overreaction” could learn to take a step back and analyze her own motivations when fighting.
Her analytical mind is being wasted by absentee parents.
Oh, Nicola. There’s always one of you in every comment section. What are you doing online at 7:35 pm if you are a mother? That is prime homework/bath/family time for most non-absentee parents.
Wow. If you don’t like what she has to say, why read it?
The time it took you to be harsh could have been used
analyzing something else.
It’s so easy to judge, isn’t it? But so much better when we see the humanity in each other, so much better when we can admit when we are not graceful. And forgive each other, and remember to be gracious and full of grace to each other. Thank you for writing this Glennon!
Thank you so very much for this. I have been beating myself up for weeks for yelling at my kids/husband and using the F-bomb, despite confessing the wrong, asking for forgiveness and being sincerely sorry. I. Just. Needed. This. today. So much. Thank you.
I wasn’t able to finish reading this post until this morning, because like most of us, there seems to be more “stuff” I need to accomplish than I have enough waking hours in one day for. I was fighting a serious case of melancholy after a long-distance phone call with my daughter who recently moved with my only grandson eight million miles away to Virginia (I’m in Florida – eight million miles away) as I read the entire post. Oh my, the light bulb went on in an instant as I read “hurt like a mother.” Eureka. That’s exactly it. I realized that I “hurt like a mother” this morning! I felt instantly better, Glennon. It still hurts, like a mother, but it’s tolerable, because I know that there are others out there that hurt, and heal, like a mother too. And fall down, and drop the F-bomb, and say I’m sorry after your human failure. Brutiful. Thank you.
You make me feel human. Thank you.
Loved reading this and love all the comments- because moments like these are my life. Somehow, at this moment, I suddenly feel okay about doing the best I can everyday- and missing it some days- because clearly I’m not alone! Can’t wait to see you in Austin TX!
Thank you…We have similar moments in my house…I cried when I read this…my husband & I both come from a families that is not so forgiving and we strive daily to be the complete opposite of that…It is extremely challenging for both of us, but I feel what most of want is for our children to have better lives than we did. A wonderful woman I work for gVe me your blog information and it has been a saving Grace at times, & a slap of reality at other times. I wanted to thank you for sharing you life so that others can be reminded that there is no such thing as a “perfect” family. Life. xoxo
My 14 year old heard me say the F word for the first time yesterday, and, yes, it was directed at something he had done.
I was tired, and frustrated, and so very, very angry, and crying it all out with the F word as the icing on the mama-crying-cake.
I immediately regretted it when his big brown eyes got even bigger, because he was shocked and sure that I was just like all those kids at school who say that word all day every day.
I immediately apologized, and stopped crying, and all the negative emotions just melted away.
He wouldn’t hug me immediately – he is 14, after all – He finally hugged me, and accepted my apology (and offered one of his own) the next morning.
I LOVE being a Parent…and sometimes I really hate it.
Thank you
Your boy standing at the door, with the wherewithall to know exactly at that moment that it was the definition of his family? Heartbreakingly beautiful. That, mamma, is a job well done. Despite the F-bomb.
Thank you so much for sharing. It was like reading a journal entry – and a reminder that we are all human and capable of forgiveness and unending love. We just have to be brave enough to bask in it.
Wow. i cried when i read this. Thank you for sharing your experiences and letting us moms out there like me know that we are not alone in fighting for infinite balance and patience when it comes to reflecting and choosing wisely vs. reacting and choosing poorly to our children being themselves. i have 2 autistic twin daughters and sometimes i just get overwhelmed and react in a negative manner similar to your story, however, also similar to your story is the way i handle the aftermath of calming down and owning my actions as poor personal choices and not something the children ever did to cause it. thank you for putting to paper how it is for many of us. i wish you all many blessings to you and your family on your life’s journey together!
Wasn’t Grace that old chick who flashed her tits to some 12 year old on her show? What the fuck is wrong with you people?
Such a helpful comment from a small mind. Seek help.
I think he’s “attempting” to be funny. But really, really bad at it.
Thank you for sharing such a private moment in your family. As I was reading, felt like you were describing my attitude so many times when I have an “overreactment” and yes, sometimes I drop the f-bomb. Thank you ,Chase, for recognizing love and grace.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! It’s like someone looked in our window and described what was going on inside. I’m glad I’m not the only parent who overreacts (typically when I’m tired or frustrated with other things) and drops the F bomb and for helping me realize that I too am not the only one who isn’t always ready with an immediate apology. And, all we need is just what you said a little bit of grace.
A lovely piece of writing. Especially, you catch the pain of a stubbed toe in language that, well, that’s just how it is, isn’t it?
Your humility is admirable. I was dying by the time you were half way through the first paragraph! I always thought I was the only one who says hurt like a mother! Thank you for this post.
Hurt like a mother is the perfect description. I never knew how much I COULD hurt, until I was a mother.
Thank you. Thank you for being honest and human and for reminding me that we are all just doing our best.
I really needed this, G. Thank you. xoxoxo
Me too. xo
Me too. I just feel this happens way too often at my house. I know we have a lot of loving and laughing moments, but I just wanted to always respond to my kids’ fights instead of reacting to their noise. xo
Wow. Such a beautiful story. Life without grace gets pretty ugly. Thanks for sharing this intimate family moment with all of us.
I love your honesty and your posts, Glennon. This thing you call grace – it’s what makes us human. Grace in situ. Grace in gravity. Grace in your cloffice – priceless. Xox
So sweet. And you’re right, grace is always enough. Thanks for this.
Hit home b/c tonight I apologized to my Sadie Belle for yelling at her when she just wanted to have fun and I was hot, caught in a rainstorm, nervous about having to speak in front of all the elementary parents about art, and not finding my hair-spray-away-the-grey paint. UGH! Phew – I feel better for admitting all that. We all have our days; our moments. Let’s remember our children are humans that deserve all of us and when we’re wrong, we take responsibility.
There are many brilliant things about this post, but I just want to specifically call out the use of the word, “cloffice.”
Oh, sweet momma. I know that I don’t know you and I know this was quite some time ago and I’m not even a “huggy” type of person but I just want to hug you. I just wrote a blog post on something very similar. We have these moments but our babies love us and forgive us so unconditionally. It’s so much grace.
this is like confession….so my 23 yr old (who lives with me) literally ATTACKED me verbally as she’s frustrated with work, the boyfriend (who’s nice enough), living with me….she’s stuck. The verbal attack was grim. F words, slamming of things. I tried to reason and in my best churchy lady voice attacked the town and the people of the boyfriend’s. (I was born and raised in this town and frankly, feel like I “got out”) …but this kid did NOTHING to me and his wacky girlfriend’s behavior, while reprehensible, at least made some sense in context. My behavior was an overreaction. I reacted rather than responded. Cut to three weeks later at a family event, I sincerely apologized and apology gracefully accepted. My girl still in a bad place but moving forward. I hear this is a “thing” among the 21-27 yr old crowd. This was news to me. The boyfriend was full of grace.