Originally published August 28, 2011
Hey Baby.
Tomorrow is a big day. Third Grade – wow.
Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.
Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.
And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.
I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.
I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.
So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.
Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a little part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.
Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.
Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.
Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’ team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.
When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.
Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.
We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.
We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.
Kind people are brave people. Because brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.
Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.
Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.
Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.
Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.
I love you so much that my heart might explode.
Enjoy and cherish your gifts.
And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.
Love,
Mama
***Each year people ask my permission to substitute their child’s name for Chase’s and read this letter together the night before school begins. YES. Others ask if they might change the word God to their family’s name for love and read it that way. OF COURSE. This letter belongs to all of us. I’d be honored if you took it and made it work for your family. Heck, tell ’em you wrote it. I’m always picking up pre-made grocery buffet food, throwing it into a casserole dish, placing it triumphantly on the table and then stepping back and smiling as humbly as possible in the wake of such triumph. Same/Same. Love, G
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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96 Comments
Love this letter. We read it a week ago and for sure we will read it again the night before school starts. Excellent tool for both parents and students to check priorities. We are a Christian family who shares your faith,. Thank you!
This is the third year I have read your letter to my daughter on the night before school (so I can crawl into bed and cry afterwards!) and I will also read this to my son next year when he starts kindergarten. Thank you thank you thank for writing this! Last year she became friends with an “Adam”. I met him once while helping with a classroom party and he couldn’t stop telling me about how great my daughter was, how nice she was, how she always talked with him every day. I don’t know if my daughter realized how much of an impact she made on this boy, but it filled my heart so much to know that she might have made a difference. So once again, thank you for the lovely words that you have shared with the world!
Love this – thank you for sharing!!
I am unable to be at my 8 year-old son’s first day of school tomorrow (Sept 5th) so I used your letter (and changed the name to his name) and had my husband
read it aloud to him just before he went to sleep on this big night. My 17 year old daughter stood by and listened and all were so moved by it. As my baby starts 3rd grade tomorrow, I pray that he will glean from your beautiful words and tuck them in his heart for a lifetime and use every bit of the fruit that comes from your words. He’s often the one who’s left out and so I hope others will show him the same compassion. Thank you for your example.
As I young child I was very shy and felt that I didn’t “fit in”. I was very quiet and on the outside looking in. Today many, many years later, I still struggle with the feeling of “do I really fit in”. My self confidence got in the way and I have continued with that struggle. I raised two boys and they are very well adjusted and have great lives so I think I did do a good job with them and I thank God everyday for that.
This letter is so beautiful and so heartwarming I cried all the way through it because it reminded me so much of ME. Thank you for addressing the issues of the importance of Compassion and Caring for others. We never know the suffering someone else is experiencing. I love your letter. Blessings to you.
Love this letter. We all remember someone like Adam in our lives. So glad you are teaching our children compassion. I’m on a similar mission trying to teach compassion to boys at RaisingCompassionateBoys.com. Hope we can cross paths someday. {{{Hugs}}} Kozo
This article makes some good points. However, kids are far more likely to model what they see us doing than what we tell them to do. Do “we” go up to the person who smells a little and hasn’t brushed their hair? The saddest thing to me about this topic is that so many children pick up their “teasing” habits from their own parents. They hear mom gossiping about someone to another person and it instills in him or her a sense of “it’s o.k. to pick on someone else” because that’s indeed what is happening when adults gossip. We’re pointing out the faults of others which sends the message that we believe our faults are not as bad as another persons…we are teaching them that even though we would not want to be gossiped about, we are superior, and therefore worthy of putting down another. Just something to think about…
So true about modeling, and yes, I do try to pick up the “strays” of any group. This week at the social for the new preschoolers (my son went there and now my daughter will be starting with the 2 1/2 year olds. I picked up the lone mom focusing on her special needs child, the mom who spoke English as a second language, I talked to them both, introduced them, invited them on a play date. I do this because my parents did the same thing and always taught me to look out for the “underdog” was their term for it.
Bless you, Jan. As a retired teacher of many years, I cannot express enough how important it is to everyone to just feel included.
My son just started in the 3rd grade also, and I have found that some kids are starting to be super cruel at this age, so this is a great reminder for me to share with him. My son has unusually large ears that stick out and he gets teased a lot despite the fact he is very athletic and smart as a whip and sweet as pie. It’s a shame some kids are not taught by their parents to not judge people’s outsides and to be so mean. Luckily, my son handles it better than I do when I hear the stories and name calling he gets. I just pray for these kids and my kid every single day. I want to put bubble wrap around his feelings so these mean spirited comments will bounce off of him each time it happens.
Sadly, while I like the basic premise of this letter, I’d never use it with my daughter, because it is SO religious. I believe my daughter should treat others well because she is a compassionate human being, not because God is whispering in her ear that she has to do it. I mean, my daughter is almost certain to encounter children of many different ethnicities and religions in her schools. When you get religious about compassion, it leads to questions like, “What does the Christian God say about the Sikh child who’s being made fun of because he wears a turban?” Would a Christian God whisper in her ear that she should make fun of the child, to attempt to convert him?
Maybe if God and religion were just left out of this, and I brought my daughter up to be a compassionate human being of her own volition without believing that she had to do it because God was telling her to, this question would never, ever come up. She’d defend the child against the bullies without having to wonder what her God would tell her to do, or whether really the child is actually “bad” because of his religious beliefs.
I fear religion is a complicating factor. I think you should tell your child to help out those who are being bullied because it’s what nice people do, it’s how we all get along and live on this earth. It transcends religion.
This is such a beautiful letter. It’s so very sad that anyone could find fault in it.
I am deeply sorry if you’ve encountered Christians/church who would mar your view of God so much that you might think of Him as someone who would tell a child to make fun of another child for ANY reason. That makes MY heart hurt and I pray the best for you and your daughter. It sounds like she has a wonderful mama who cares about her deeply and wants to raise her the right way.
What an odd response. The original intent for this letter was for her own son. It was through others being touched and requesting to use it that she generously allowed for others to copy and paste. When did this turn into something about religion and just general criticism? So odd…
Not an odd response I felt the exact same way, had to force myself to continue reading it. Entirely too religious. Kudos to original mama for saying so when you thought it. My daughter will be hearing this letter with GOD omitted from it, but she’s already been taught this way, we have morals and are a very very well rounded family on our own. My child has been taught SHE is who makes things happen and she is very mature and loving because of this. Great article. But religion causes delusions.
You guys need to read her notes at the end. She even states that you can take God out of it, its just what she said to her child. Use Love, use Compassion, use any word you want, the author even said so…For you to disown this because of the use of “God” in it means you missed the point entirely.
Sorry, wrong person to reply to…
You guys need to read her notes at the end. She even states that you can take God out of it, its just what she said to her child. Use Love, use Compassion, use any word you want, the author even said so…For you to disown this because of the use of “God” in it means you missed the point entirely. –
I dearly love this sweet letter. It embodies everything that I have tried to teach my children about having a kind heart and loving spirit. If there is one thing that I love to hear my children described as, it is “kind”. What a better place this world would be if, even as adults, we read this letter ever so often as a reminder to be be more brave and more kind to one another. Thank you!
This one really speaks to the heart. I appreciate your focus on what you know to be the heart of life, compassion. I also think that it is important to address competition. As soon as someone is trying to “be better” than another, they are focused on themselves instead of open to others. When you can focus on being present and ready to lend compassion, then that is where life and love meet.
When it comes to parental support. I would expand on the non-judgement of children. If children are judged as doing their best or being the best or perhaps as not doing their best or being their best, that is where we have the opportunity to step back and simply acknowledge that we love them unconditionally. We can participate in supporting them through acknowledging how much work they put into something and how they feel about things that they experience. This might sound like, “I know how many nights you spent working on that project, and now you’ve produced this. Can you tell me about it? How does it make you feel to have finished it or to get an “A” or to show it to the class?” Listen and rephrase. “It sounds like you are very proud (happy, satisfied, etc.).” Then, they will understand that you care and you also accept and acknowledge what they do and how they do it. I certainly welcome that attention in my life!
Thanks again for all of your insights into life.
I really liked reading it.
I am not a parent.
I am, however someone with a learning disability.
I am a Director/Founder of an LD support group.
I also have some background in special education.
I would urge everyone to read this.
I am a mom, but an empty nester. I love this letter, and will repost it for my children to read to my grandchildren. In today’s culture kindness is often the first thing to be overlooked, and accomplishments are placed on the pedestal. If parents allow each child to do their best without pressure or prejudice what a lovely world this could be. Kindness, caring, no pressure. 🙂
My daughter is an “Adam”. Thank you for thinking of her. Your blog may find its way to one of her classmates. I hope so.
Susan, it is my sincerest hope that your daughter is treated with the kindness she deserves this school year. <3 I tell my children all of the time that there is nothing more important in life than being their for others and the way that you treat them. In fact, this has made me think about all of the adult "Adam"s that I know. {{hugs}}
I used your letter tonight with my daughter. She interrupted me half way through to ask me if I had his number or knew where he lived so she could invite him over for a play date. Her first inclination was to fix my mistake. Somehow the fact that “Adam” is now my age slipped past her and she wanted to make it better. ❤️ ,…… Kids
My son and I had this discussion the night before school started. Your letter would have made it a bit easier for me to discuss with him.
He was concerned about a girl in his class who bullied him last year. Apparently she bullied a lot of the kids in his class. He said he didn’t say anything because he would ignore her and walk away but he did tell the teacher when she picked on others. I told him that it was great what he did but that he should have included himself when telling the teacher. He said he didn’t have to he knows she is just sad and doesn’t know how to treat people nicely. He did say that he told if she didn’t have anything nice to say she shouldn’t say mean things an then he would sit with his friend and make them feel better.
He is my little warrior.
We did talk to the teacher for this year and so far so good. She has seen to it that the little girl is getting a Big Sister to help her with some things.
BRB, sobbing hysterically…but in a good way.
Thank you for sharing again! When I shared this with my son, I opted not to claim it as my own, but share it as yours and talk about the importance of the message. His response (along with a hug) was that it is the perfect length to be a children’s book, and that you might think about creating one with this letter.
I agree, this would make a wonderful children’s book. I am reminded of Desmond Tutu’s “God’s Dream.”
I have children who have just started kindergarten this year. I will be sitting down with them to read this letter. Thank you for it!
Please make this into a children’s book.
I love that idea! I’d buy that book…would make a beautiful addition to our bedtime routine.
My hubs and I were talking in our room when the 10yo came in and flopped on the bed with us. He starts public-school 5th grade tomorrow after three years of homeschool. We asked him how he was feeling about it (way more chill than I am!), and I felt moved to read him this letter. So I did. And cried the whole way through. Of course I did. And he kept saying “Moooooom.” Of course he did! Thanks for sharing, Glennon, and for letting us borrow 🙂
“Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.”
What a ridiculous and destructive thing for a parent to tell their child! Although I loved the beginning of this letter and think the message you are sharing is wonderful, the end was not necessary. Of course our children should try our best! When did trying your best or even being the best become a bad thing?! Yes, we should tell our children that even if they don’t succeed at being the best at everything, we will love them and be proud of them anyway. But telling them to not even try is only feeding into the “entitlement mindset” that is ruining out children and this country. Statements like that are why our children are growing up to think that they “deserve” everything in life for free without “trying”. God designed us with the desire to try our best (survival of the fittest). Why try to undo that, confuse your child and make them think that being the best at something isn’t wonderful and something to be proud of? You can teach your child to be compassionate AND hardworking. It doesn’t have to be one or the other.
She didn’t say, “Don’t try YOUR best.” I believe that she’s simply stating that her child doesn’t have to try to be THE best at something. Two totally different concepts.
I directly quoted the article! It’s exactly what she said!
Oh, Good Grief!!! Get over yourself!! Why in the world would you try to make something bad out or something good? I am so sick and tired of hearing so-called parents tell their kids, “you gotta be the best” Well, guess what, only one child is the best at anything!! !There is only one first place! Where does that leave the rest? Best is not what this world needs, it’s compassion for the lost, the unloved, the kid that is bullied, the kid that is left out, the kid that is poor, the kid that has special needs, the kid that is hungry!!! This is what God has called us to do as Christians and just because it is right!!! If I had to choose for my child to be the very best at anything or be a compassionate kid, I would choose the latter. This is the most beautiful letter I’ve ever read and it takes people like you to try to make it ugly!!! Well, you failed miserably!!!
First of all, the irony of your comment was hillarious… Preaching compassion, kindness and love while insulting me and being the complete opposite of kind?! Looks like YOU failed miserably, sweetheart. Again, people can be loving, compassionate and hardworking! I’m not disagreeing with the beginning of the message, I just don’t understand why it has to be one or the other. Why on earth would any parent promote not trying to be the best?! With unemployment rates and the amount of assistance being paid out every month, the world absolutely needs to be teaching the next generation to be working harder and not just expecting handouts! It goes hand in hand. Last time I checked, sitting around hugging each other doesn’t pay the bills. I’m done here but good luck to you on your quest of kindness and compassion because you aren’t off to a very good start. Hope your children didn’t read your comment..
Yes. You did directly quote the article. And it says “the best”. Doing your best is much different than trying to be the best.
T Dash’s comment is spot on as long as one does not know what the words ‘quote’ or ‘exactly’ mean or the meaning of quotation marks.
For the rest of us, it is just plain incorrect.
Ohhh hehehe aren’t you so clever and funny!! That one word difference totally negates my entire point…you’re right.. Telling a child not to try THEIR best or not to try to be THE best is assinine advice either way, to the rest of the logical, rationally thinking world. However I’m sure you’re the same people that think everyone should win in sports games. Good luck to your children when they get into the real world and encounter the rest of the population that understand that the world can’t and doesn’t operate that way.
Actually, you missed the point entirely. Quoting exactly means actually quoting IN context. Using a quote out of context to make a point is pointless.
I don’t want my children to try to be the best. I want them to try the very best they can. Do the very best they can. I want them to learn how to be proud of themselves. I want them to look at whatever grade they get on that test and know that they tried and did the best they could, I insist on it. I won’t have my children slack off when it comes to their responsibilities, however, I don’t want them to put so much pressure on themselves that they are only happy with an A. Do the best they can, try their hardest.
What a horrible amount of pressure it sounds like you put on your child, I hope that’s not true. Not one time in this article did this mother say, school and work ethic, yadda yadda, was not important.
And for you to out right judge? Take words out of context? It’s so rude. And yes I’m sure you’ll have some form of snark to type to me as well. Lay it on me.
The fact of the matter is…. She doesn’t need your approval. She nor anyone else needs to answer to you, or your judgement. So you stay up there on your little high horse, keep that chip on your shoulder nice and balanced. I’m sure you do the best you can, most parents do, the very best they can. You shouldn’t call someone else’s opinions wrong, see they are opinions, I’m sure though, that you will take my criticism very graciously though.
Alas..you seem like an immature bully. And I feel very sorry for you.
I expect my kids to always make their best effort at whatever they do. So I expect them to be their best selves. This is different than expecting them to always be number one. I do understand the concern about mediocrity and entitlement. I’ve worked with a lot of children in school settings. Unfortunately there are parents who only care that their kids manage to pass, and don’t care about whether their kids are making their best efforts. One of the saddest things to me is seeing bright kids of lazy parents who grow up thinking they just need to do the bare minimum to squeak by when they’re capable of so much more. That attitude is just as damaging as the attitude of overbearing and demanding parents who aren’t happy or accepting of their kids unless the kids are always number one.
You totally missed the point of the article…I feel sorry for you and your kids.
This is such a touching message. Yes, in this world we are all guilty at some point of time, of not heeding to our heart whenever we get that slight pain. Something stops us ..if only we could just go ahead and do what our heart says , we would have got the chance to know such amazing beautiful people.
Thank-you for this Glennon. I wish there were more parents like you out there!
I have a son of almost 6 who is in Adams shoes; I am weeping as I write this.
He is an Aspergers child and very bright but “different”. We have just discovered he is being bullied at school.
He doesn’t say much but when really pressed he said: “Mummy Mrs D….. , (his teacher), is always cross with me, Mrs B… (other teacher), is always cross with me, and all the children are always cross with me.”
My heart shattered with pain for him. He is such a sunny and gentle soul.
We are trying to find a better school situation for him now but it’s beset with difficulty both logistically and financially.
I wish I could find a way to get the kids at the next school he goes to hear this.
In the meantime; please send him a positive thought, his first year at school has not been a positive experience.
All the best with your wonderful work
Kate
Praying for your child and you. Sharing with my child to hopefully make “your child’s” year a bit easier.
Thanks Jenna XK
This is exactly what I was thinking upon reading this post: our son also has Asperger’s and will be starting kindergarten next week. His 6th birthday is coming up soon. We’ll be having a family party partly to cover the fact that he doesn’t have any friends. He doesn’t notice that yet, but I fear that after he’s spent time in grade school his perspective on it will be different.
“That was just soo beautiful!” xox
Absolutely beautifully written! A wonderful message that you have sent to your son and that you are allowing others to share with their children. May God Bless you!
Dear Glennon…This is Beautiful…What a compassionate wonderful lady you are… If I hadn’t seen your name I would have thought that my daughter Tricia (Bungenstock) Sheldon had written it…She like you… is an amazing woman & mother…We need more like you … Thank you …God Bless you …
Tricias Mom…
I love this letter.
When my daughter, Kayla (who is disabled) was younger, I racked my brain trying to figure a way to convey this message to her school classmates. It tore at my heart to see her eating lunch alone every day and being totally ignored as she manuavered through the crowded halls. She never experienced giggly girl time with friends or anticipated a weekend slumber party; no one ever asked her to dance or even how her weekend went. I have always wondered if she would be a different person today if just one peer had acknowledged her presence during those high school years. I think there are some amazing kids in our schools who aspire to “make a difference” in the world upon graduation — if only they knew they didn’t have to wait! Thank you ever so much!
Debbie,
Your comment broke my heart for you and your daughter. How I wish there had been parents who read a letter like the one above to their child that would then reach out to your Kayla. Bless you for sharing your heart on this format and making all of us see that rejection is REAL. Dear God, help us all to raise our children to treat everyone in a way that would please You. And God, bless sweet Kayla.
Your comments took my breath away. We’re a week from my sons sophomore year and I’m so afraid it will be a repeat of last year. Dumped by his so called friends in middle school, he still struggles. ‘Never once was invited to sit by someone at lunch or on the bus, never invited to hang out after school. Charity starts at home. I get soooo angry when the kids go on “mission”trips to help other people. WAKE UP!! Help people every day in your school by being kind. Not really hard.
This letter is perfection!! The end, Perfection!! We read this letter around Christmas time of last year. The letter inspired my then 5th grader to reach out to a girl in his class. An “Adam” type girl. He decided to buy her a small gift for Christmas. The card read simply Namaste – The light in me, sees and recognizes the light in you! – Transformation for all involved!! Namaste Glennon, Namaste!!
I just would like to add that maybe change the be the best part. Its ok to try to be and do your best. That is a characteristic this society is losing. What needs to be reminded is that even though we (parents) encourage you to try your best, understand that you won’t always BE the best. Sometimes you will and we will congratulate you for this. Sometimes you won’t and you might feel sad but we will congratulate you for trying and love you just as much as if you had won and so God and all your friends and family. Its ok to lose, but you are never beaten.
Also may I add that this new idea of making successful feel guilty for success is not good for us. This is why I took umbrage at that part. The kids need to know its ok to succeed and understand that they may not always be the best but success isn’t determined only by ‘the best’ but by your desire to be ‘your best’.
Glennon, I am one of the teachers that you graciously compliment and thank from time to time. Thank you for that! This will be the third year I will read this to my class, obviously with a few words changed. I can’t get through it without crying, but I love the part about taking care of each other and we can do hard things. I am constantly relaying that message to my fourth and fifth graders. It’s a great way to start off the year.
You have explained ‘compassion’ in the most beautiful way to your child! I could have never penned it down so beautifully! And you are so right with every word you have written there. I have learnt, from this letter, the simplest way to explain these emotions to a child. Thanks for sharing!
WOW! I was so moved by this letter. I cried! I have printed it out and cannot wait to read it to my 1st and 2nd grader tomorrow.
What a beautiful letter! I have a little one entering third grade this year and she has had some struggles, not with school, but with other, more personal things. I will be reading this letter to her and, will be adding to “Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too.”… “Be sure to take care of yourself. You deserve that, too.” That is what she is always forgetting to do.
Wow!! This is so fantastic. Brave and kind is the best!!
Thank you, this is great. And thanks for the permission to borrow
Mother’s favorite is the one who is sickest or the farthest from home.
Beautiful Glennon!
Thanks for getting this one out for us to read again:)
So touching! Thank you for this gift.
Absolutely on the mark and absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
All love,
cara
Beautiful, I love it every time I read it. Just, yes.
Glennon,
Your letter is beautiful and made me cry. Thank you for sharing, it may even save a life! I always tell my kids that all we ask of them is to do their best, even if doing their best means a poor grade. If it is truly their best, we will still be happy with them.
For Canadian Kate who asked about favorite kids, I tell my kids, “You’re my favorite (insert name) in the whole world!” It’s true and it makes them glow.
Unbelievable awesomeness. I love this and oh how important this is for children to learn early in life…..looking back over my childhood I sure wish I had been much braver. I was never mean or ugly to children less fortunate but I never told the bullies to stop….I wish I could step back in time and just relive one of those days…thanks for the reminder that love always wins
I love this letter but I don’t think discouraging a child about doing his/her best is right. You can be kind, brave, loving and excel in sports and grades. Being kind, loving, brave is wonderful but grades are going to help you in this tough world.
I think that could’ve been worded a little different. I would tell my kids that they didn’t HAVE to be the best. That I am not expecting them to be the best. Also, grades aren’t going to help you much in this world at all. Good grades will open doors for sure. But once you go through, it’s all on you. Nobody cares about your GPA after that. Work ethic and determination are far more valuable than grades in this world. A GPA will get you an interview, but it won’t get you the job. And all the school learnin’ in the world will do little for you once you have that job.
I agree with the sentiment, but have to disagree with certain points. I have a job the I love, that makes me happy, allows me to help people and feel fulfilled, and one I could NOT have gotten without good grades. Good grades are often a reflection of that work ethic you mention, as well as a reflection on your learning of the material. Not in every case, surely (we all know that kid who just crammed the night before, aced the test, then promptly forgot everything), but I would caution myself before telling my kids they don’t matter. Those open doors are important. Not the MOST important, perhaps, but important.
As a parent, and a retired teacher, I would agree with your reply. The need to always be trying to do their best, and parents need to help at home by supervising homework. This is a cooperative activity. And this is the child’s job right now and the report card his paycheck,
I agree.
What a great reminder: We don’t need our kids to be the best but to be the most compassionate, kind, brave, caring people they can be. My daughter is only one but I’ll remember this for when she grows up!
I am stealing this, thank you for your permission! So well written and could really have come out of the mouths of many a mom… It brought tears to my eyes and really hits to the TRUE feelings I have over how I want to raise my girls…
G – I get weepy every time I read that letter. And I’m totally giving it to my son and signing my name on it – thanks so much!!!
Question – in the letter you write “thank you for being my favorite gift of all time”. With 3 kids, how do you manage comments like this? I have two boys and they have both asked me on multiple occasions who’s my favourite (yes, im Canadian, hence the spelling. My gf’s and I are convinced that you need some Canadian friends and we need you. During a messy, brutiful time in my life, one of my besties handed over your book, before she had even finished, to give me some perspective in life. Now that’s friendship and someone you should meet! Come to Canada!).
So I steer clear of these comments (even though the truth is that one day one is my fav and the next day it changes, depending on their moods! Lol!!). What do you do?
Kate
Kate, I have 3 children also (all girls 5 and under). When they were little, one of our favorite books was “You’re all my favorites” by Sam McBratney. It really is such a cute book and solved that problem for me of how more than one child can be my favorite. 🙂 Now, I’ll say, “you are my favorite [insert child’s name here] in the World!” and it works. One girl is not being compared to her sisters, but she still knows she’s my favorite. 🙂
mother’s favorite is the one who is sickest or the farthest away from home.
Tell them, “You’re my favorite 5 year old of all time!” Insert age and it works out so no one gets their feelings hurt and all the kids are mommy’s ‘favorite.’ 🙂
Priscilla, unless you are a mother of 5-year old twins! 😉
I think sometimes we continue to live out our own regrets and then use our children to seek our own personal resolution to what yet is stuck inside ourselves to deal with from our past.
We circle them into what emotional unfinished business is stuck in our own belly.
I understand the sentiment in general and desire for your own son to befriend all mankind, not just the ones who will stroke his ego. But it is an organic process that every child will unfold into when they find out that everything they find within themselves…no matter how putrid, ugly or smelly…deserves acceptance as is…without a need to change into anything before it is 100% embraced.
I wish I’d had your wisdom when my kids were growing up. I’m glad I have it now that I’m raising my granddaughter. Thank you Glennon!
That was me too, there was this child in my class, he was blind. I did try to include him some but I too, years later would randomly think about him and find myself thinking I should have do more to help him and how, back then, I didn’t quite grasp how difficult it must have been for him. Fast foward 20 years later, he facebooks me out of the blue, right when my first born had a surgery trying to save her sight, and tells me HE was sorry for being so snappy back then and he appreciated my support. How weird life can be sometimes…
Your story is amazing. People often say “we reap what we sow,” in a negative way, but you sowed some kindness with that boy years ago and then, years later, when faced with something that he may understand he offers you friendship and grace. That, my friend is a “God” moment.
Awwwww. What beautiful words. I’m just blown away, and feel bad because I wouldn’t have thought of talking to my Chase, yes, I have a Chase too ! (Starting 1st grade) I wouldn’t have thought of telling him this…in such beautiful detail. Love, love your words of being the “best” or getting straight A’s. I couldn’t agree more with that. Thank you, Glennon.
I think sometimes I need reminders like these even more than my kids. Thank you for reminding parents what the right thing is and what compassion means and making it easy to pass it on to our children.
My dear Glennon..and Chase,
Since becoming a follower of you both…on the eve of the first day of school…I have substituted my childrens names and read this to them! I thank you for allowing this…and know it makes a huge difference in their lives…as it does in mine! Kisses to you each and every one…and to your loving Aunt who I miss like mad!
Yes! Because as the mom of the kid who looks a little different, I promise it won’t just help my little girl – it will help you, too! She stands in line with you every morning and she tries to stay out of the way of the conversations you have with the other kids. But on the inside she wants to be in that circle. And if you’d let her in, you’d love her. I promise you that. You’d love her. And she would be your biggest fan.
sending my positive thoughts to you and your daughter, today and all year
May your daughter have the best school year ever. Sending up a prayer for her and for you.
Really appreciate that. Thank you!
<3
That is absolutely the most generous, kindest, and thought provoking letter I’ve ever read, and I totally believe God was on your shoulder when you wrote it.Just to add a little bit of my personal experience from my grade school days back in the stone age, tho your letter is more than perfect, is another way I see both adults & children act & react to different situations. I saw ignoring so-called different kids, and/or picking on them myself, was that I didn’t want it to happen to me, and if I joined the other ‘bullies’, they wouldn’t do it. Quite a surprise to me when it came for me to get the ‘treatment’, the same happened to me, and no one to help me. So we can ALL be hurt by others, or we can be the ‘bullies’. Your wonderful letter tells me which one I want to be. THE FRIEND!! Thank you. Jim lundquist