Story makes some serious sense and important to understand. Thanks for sharing your experience.

I agree. Children are gifted and talented, they are a gift from God..

I agree, thanks for sharing.

continuously i used to read smaller content that also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this paragraph
which I am reading here.

You could just as easily say, “All kids are mentally disabled.” Would you be having this argument if your friend’s daughter had come home and said, “Mommy, teacher gave out the letters to the mentally disabled kids and I didn’t get one… I guess I’m not mentally disabled.”?

There is a difference between ‘a gift’ and ‘Gifted.’ The term ‘Gifted’ is defined by the Elementary and Secondary Education Act as Students, children, or youth who give evidence of high achievement capability in areas such as intellectual, creative, artistic, or leadership capacity, or in specific academic fields, and who need services and activities not ordinarily provided by the school in order to fully develop those capabilities. In other words, we’re not talking about how special your kid is, we’re talking about brains. Special needs kids need different services and activities than your kid, and, likewise, GT kids need different services and activities than your kid. I appreciate that you’re posting from emotion and that you care about feelings, but your feelings are hurting kids. Please research terms before you post.

I’m coming to this particular post a bit late but I love it. I am genuinely struggling to understand the upset it’s caused. Then again, the more I know, the less I know. But I wonder, could it be that most of us are still trying to remember our own greatness that we came in the world with? That we’ve denied it for so long that it’s strangled in cobwebs of self-doubt and stunted passion and maybe even some shame that it’s not what everyone else expected, and that in turn flows on to our kids in an insidious trickle of a deep down need for everyone to fit in? Into some category, whatever that is? WE KNOW BETTER than to put our kids in boxes of certain definitions. We know to love them just as they are because they are our gifts, and no matter what other definition anyone else assigns to that, we know how special they are. But still. Posts like yours trigger something within us that bristles at the thought of NOT fitting in, of not being accepted, of not being special. And that’s just plain wrong. We are all special. Of course we are. All children are special. Of course they are. We were created in THE image of a very special energy for a very specific reason and for a very specific offering to the world. So, thank you for writing this. Thank you for taking the blows and thank you for continuing to be brave and put yourself out there. xx

I notice you celebrate the “gifts” of all the children you mentioned but you expect the gifted learner to be humble. You want her to deny her gift, keep it to herself. But all others are free to display theirs.

I have 3 children. Each is an amazing gift to our family, each has amazing gifts, but only one has an IQ 145+. In 1st grade, he started doing high school algebra in his head after learning it on YouTube. He does not want to go to school because little differentiation occurs, and it makes me sad that his great mind is not appreciated/nurtured in the classroom (due to lack of funding). Why as a society don’t we invest more in our highest performers? Even our top performers aren’t performing on par with other nations like Japan. Meanwhile, our older son is an amazing hockey player- he has to try out for his team, and parents demand/accept differentiation there. Intelligence, just like talent, runs on a continuum.

Yup. I’m the mother of a son who was deemed “gifted” because school work was generally easy for him – testing well above his peers. And he has trouble socially, so that’s what we work hardest on.
And I’m a teacher at a museum, talking with parents of all backgrounds, and listening to how so many push to have their child in older and more challenging activities because the child is “gifted” though they would no longer be placed with their peers.
I love that we are all gifted in something.
I think the title of the programming needs to change for children who test academically well above their peers. Because the too need specialized programming, just like those children who test academically well below their peers. We all love and need a good challenge. We don’t need to feel ashamed or guilty or smug because of the name given to our set of abilities. That doesn’t challenge anyone.

This post inadvertently illustrates the problems that the gifted* population encounter socially. It’s not just kids who gaze malignantly at their gifted-labeled peers. This post is a celebration of taking offense to the idea that this difference exists and is recognized. It’s *real*, it stems from physiological differences in brain structure and development. If the anecdotal little girl had come home apologizing that she didn’t make the volleyball team, not an eye would be batted, or at least we would be minus one impassioned blog post. Since it was an academic difference, *gasp!*, ohmygoshpoorgirlmyheartisbreaking”foryou”.

This is being perpetuated by adults. By blog post writers who list different gifts children could possibly have, and their complementary weaknesses. What we can assume to be the academically gifted example is a girl who does well in school, who is mean and snobby. Seriously?! For one, that illustrates an ignorance about how giftedness plays out in the classroom. Many gifted kids struggle and do not excel in “normal” classrooms, for example, and some of them may actually be kind and socially tolerable. If I were to walk into a classroom and try to point out the gifted kids, the top achievers would not be the first place I would look.

All kids are gifted and talented. This blog post, however, seems to be more of an attack on the idea that there are special needs for the kids who are labeled “gifted”. The author is offended by the idea, apparently, and is perpetuating the stereotypes that harm those kids. Why?! Go pick on talented athletes or great artists or something for a change. Because picking you are.

*I dislike the term “gifted and talented”, but changing the actual words would probably not solve the problem. Offended people would still be offended by the idea that there is a real difference and special needs associated with that difference.

Sorry I typed on my phone..this one has fewer type-os I hope.I was “academically gifted”, so is my daughter, I suspect. Imagine, for a moment that after your senior year, instead of going to college or work you went to second grade, again. I was not hyper- sensitive but I was bored. Not knowing what to do with me they let me play in the pre-k room for half the day. In high school I helped in the principal’s office 30% of the class time. One of my teachers actually taught me via independent study. She said it was a distraction to have me in with the regular kids because I finished too early. I wrote a research paper for her on the influence of television media on the Nixon campaign. .. in the 10 th grade. (I was in AP classes by the way for most subjects)
All children have gifts. But most of them have the opportunity to learn something during the 6.5 hours they spend in school every school day, 180 days a year. I thank god that I was offered an escape from all of that sitting and learning nothing, even if it meant filling papers for the principal. And my IQ was only 145 or so. It gets a lot higher for some “gifted” kids.
In 2014, with all the technology and smart boards, it should be fairly easy to teach all kids where they are but they don’t. My daughter is six and the high reading group reads more than a year below her level even though the other kids are seven. The teachers response? “This is good instruction.” She is right. I love the teacher… But believe me, In the scenario I offered… it wouldn’t matter to you how good the instruction was in second grade, it would still feel like a prison sentence.

Last but not least. Let’s not assume that academic giftedness is the only gift a child has. These other gifts you mention are possessed by gifted kids too. The label is simply a means to identify a population for resource allocation because a second grade teacher typically is not trained to teach a kid who is reading on a college level. Therefore, a specific additional resource is required and must be funded. It isn’t personal. It’s money. Just like special ed.

I was “academically gifted”, so is my daighter, I suspect. Imagine, for a moment that after your senior year, instead of going to college or work you went to second grade, again. I was not hyper- sensitive but I was bored. Not knowing what to do with me they let me play in the purrs -k room for half the day. In high school I helped in the principal’s office 30% of the class time. One of my teachers actually taught me independent study. She said it was a distraction having me in with the regular kids because I finished too early. I wrote a research paper on the influence of television media on the Nixon campaign. .. on the 10 th grade. (I was in AP classes by the way) All children have gifts. But most of them have the opportunity to learn something during the 6.5 hours they spend every school day, 180 days a year. I thank god that I was offered an escape from all of that sitting and learning nothing, even if it meant filling papers for the principal. And my IQ was only 145 or so. It gets a lot higher for some kids.
In 2014, with all the technology and smart boards, it should be fairly easy to teach all kids where they are but they don’t. My daughter is six and the high group reads more than a year below her level even though the other kids are seven. The teachers response? “This is good instruction.” She is right. I love the teacher… But believe me, In the scenario I offered… it wouldn’t matter to you how good the instruction was in second grade, it would still feel like a prison sentence.

Last but not least. Let’s not assume that academic giftedness is the only gift a child has. These other gifts you mention are possessed by gifted kids too. The label is simply a means to identify a population for resource allocation because a second grade teacher typically is not trained to teach a kid who is reading on a college level. Therefore, a specific additional resource is required and must be funded. It isn’t personal. It’s money. Just like special ed.

I think this is my final thought. It all comes back to us and what we tell our children about themselves and others. This was one of those golden moments. Imagine the different conversation we would all be having now if the story had gone this way (recognizing child said “gifted”): Mom: “Of course you have gifts, honey. Everyone does. A few kids at school need harder and different lessons to keep learning. Can you imagine?! They want to have fun and not be bored, too. They are called ‘gifted’ at school because their gift is about learning. Are you friends with any of them? A lot of times they can be really fun.” No anxiety. No projecting. Her child would have become empowered with a “gift” of understanding that would help lay the ground for acceptance and, possibly, love. She could help spread it, too. Maybe the post could have been more about celebrating how we teach our kids about others’ gifts and not so much about assuring ourselves, the adults who already know, that all children have gifts.

This website and its comments are providing a wonderful forum! Great conversation. NAGC defines gifted as: “Students, children, or youth who give evidence of high achievement capability in areas such as intellectual, creative, artistic, or leadership capacity, or in specific academic fields, and who need services and activities not ordinarily provided by the school in order to fully develop those capabilities.”

It’s attitudes like these that get in the way of letting these kids with extraordinarily beautiful minds who feel very alone in this world have that one saving line of being told they too belong and they too have a place in this world.
The shame belongs to anyone who will so flippantly disregard the REAL TRUTH and try to take that from them.
The only truth you speak of is every child is a gift and everyone has a purpose in this life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxrz7vp2HtU This is where my daughter has found a home every summer since 6th grade. Intellectual peers matter. Teachers who can go there matter. They need someone who will not stare at them when they ask the deeper question and reduce them to names such as “teacher’s pet” or “nerd.” Here everyone “got” my kid. They have fun together. They are accepted for their strengths and challenged and not the only one for maybe the first time ever. They are from every walk of life. How many do we lose because we stomp them down to fit into a mold. How many bored ones end up in juvenile hall or drop out because no one thought meeting there needs mattered? Meeting there needs might mean a future cure for Huntington’s Disease, a future founder of Facebook, a future Lady Gaga, a future Paleobiologist an endless list of futures for themselves and a brighter, more interesting future for us all? All because just this once they felt at home.

Below a parent talks about how the word “gifted” gets in the way and how “gifted” kids are not just “smart”. A very tort reply to this ends with “Lol”. I read this and take a long, deep breath and exhale. Here’s the thing: parents of “gifted” kids no matter their means or education, learn they need to prep their “gifted” kid for “Lol”. At the very heart of the matter, “Lol” is what makes putting oneself out there, being vulnerable and talking about what the formal label “gifted” means feel like a battle for love lost. Time after time after time. Respond by laughing out loud at a parent earnestly trying to explain a struggle with the label “gifted” because of – get this – how others respond to it? THIS is how, whether educational professionals like it or not, our competitive, self-absorbed culture has twisted its meaning to the point that in most spheres in life it ends up helping very little. Parents don’t say it out loud. “Gifted” kids never do. Everyone pay attention. Three simple letters on a blog comment sums it up. It sometimes baffles me to no end why we, the parents of “gifted” who, yes, also have kids who are not “gifted”, keep reaching out to others for understanding and support. Except this: 1) we know our kids need to be challenged at the right pace and experience failing – just like yours, 2) we know they need healthy social experiences (and guidance) to grow into healthy adults – just like yours, 3) we know being “gifted” is absolutely no guarantee in life for anything despite what everyone else seems to think otherwise, 4) we know being “gifted” can sometimes actually be a pretty heavy thing, and 5) we keep believing in the power of the human spirit. We know, we JUST know, that if we could finally build that bridge of understanding you would care. Educational professionals have given us “gifted”. Maybe we should start there. Everybody tell us what “gifted” in an educational setting means – the whole of it. Describe to us what a “gifted” kid is. Tell us straight out how to challenge “gifted” kids. Explain to us how a “gifted” person’s brain works not just “faster” but “differently”. Tell us how you would explain that to kids who are not “gifted”. Share your ideas for preserving their spirit despite prejudice and misunderstanding. All I ask is that you please refrain from laughing out loud. Please.

I have to say that it is because of articles and comment arguments like this that I feel I have to hide the fact that my son has been identified as “gifted.” Whenever I tell someone that he’s going to be changing schools and going to a full time gifted program charter school because his current school isn’t giving him what he needs, I get really nervous and my heart starts beating like crazy. I’m afraid to use the term gifted and talk about my son the way he deserves to be talked about because I don’t want anyone thinking I don’t think THEIR kid is special or has gifts. We get put down for advocating for our “gifted” children and called elitist. I worry that being publicly proud of my son will hurt someone else, and that’s kind of BS. I’m sorry your child didn’t get picked to be in the gifted program. My son will probably never be chosen to be on a competitive sports team, and he’ll have to deal with that disappointment. But please don’t make me feel bad that my child needs differentiated education from yours.

My child is different. She is bullied. She is an easy target for other children to pick on and doesn’t have the skills to defend herself. She is socially awkward and slow to pick up on social cues. She is told by teachers to not answer questions so much. She is told to not raise her hand so much in class. She is told in groups to not talk so much and to not say the answer even if she knows it. She is told daily to be silent, sit still and not participate.

She is not taught the skills she needs – such as how to better understand people, how to read facial expressions, how to tolerate sensations such itchy tags. She is taught she needs to put the other children’s needs first, all the time while they learn skills they are lacking. She just needs to not interfere in their education, in their inspiration and in their time.

She has almost no friends. She has no one her age to share her interests with. Children daily tell her she thinks she is so smart but really she is terrible. Teachers tell her this is her fault. She needs to be silent more and then the children will like her more. She needs to pretend to share their interests and then the children will stop making fun of her. She needs to change into someone else.

My child is gifted.

I am not getting the problem here. It was stated early on:
“Every single child is gifted and talented in a particular area. Every single one also has particular challenges”
There’s no claim that those identified as gifted are perfect. She is pushing back against the popular image of giftedness because a little girl had somehow already internalized and now saw herself as ‘less than.’

“We can start believing by erasing the idea that education is a race. It’s not. Actually, education is like Christmas. We’re all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and He’ll let us know when it’s time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them.”
I would love a school like this.

I love, love, love this post. Thank you!

Yes-every child is “gifted”, because every child has gifts.

BUT–that is not the definition of “gifted” that is being tested when the EDUCATION LABEL “gifted” is applied. I wish the thing that is traditionally called “gifted” were called something else.

If everyone would simply understand that “gifted” is not a synonym for “smart”, many of these arguments would never occur. Most people would love for their child to be “smart”, but many of us with “gifted” children know that life would be so much easier for them if they were “smart” instead of “gifted”. It is not easy to be “gifted” because it means you are very different, and often not in a way that is applauded by society!

Whenever I hear “all children are gifted”, I wonder if it is also true that “all children are developmentally delayed”, and why we don’t just stick all kids into “special education” classes.

Which every time you change the name of those classes, it just becomes the new taunt. People say “You’re special!” or “That’s special.” all the time as an insult, or if they do something they think is stupid they say “I’m special today”. Same with gifted – if you changed the word, it’d just become “Everyone thinks their kid is a differentiated learner.” “People who talk about being differentiated learners are egotistical and arrogant and weird.” “All kids are differentiated learners.”

My theory is that the problem is at the root of our culture, an equation that most people seem to carry around in their head without realizing it.

Intelligence = education = money = worth.

Of course the root problem is money = worth, but for this particular issue the first two are important as well.

Notice how when people talk about gifted education being elitist and how it’s not necessary and how it should be cut, no one ever brings up the gifted working class and minority kids whose parents can’t homeschool or move to a different school district or afford outside tutors. Because intelligence = education = money, right? So kids without rich parents couldn’t possibly be intelligent or “gifted”, according to American culture.

I was a working class gifted kid. My community was fairly homogenous though and most of us were working class, and we somehow skipped having that mental equation. So it wasn’t a problem where I grew up because it wasn’t seen as a social status thing and we weren’t big into capitalism and we didn’t connect our worth as human beings to our production of things valued by capitalism and how much green paper we had. We weren’t obsessed with comparing ourselves to others.

We were just a couple of generations removed from Appalachian subsistence farmers, so our culture was more about working together to survive than about competing against each other for survival. So not only was “gifted” not an issue, but I don’t remember any bullying of the kids on the other side of the spectrum either. Or much bullying in general. People signed my yearbook “to the only person I know who’s smarter than me” and talked about “Oh, of course, ask the genius” in class discussions, but it was all good-natured and I was popular and they all wanted me in their groups and on their teams when we did group work. I wasn’t a threat to other people’s individual survival. I was a boon to the group’s survival.

I have noticed in many many mainstream (i.e. middle class) discussions of giftedness that people seem to think that you are not gifted unless you succeed in a way that hardcore capitalist society values. They don’t seem to realize at all that it is a neurological difference, and that actually probably a lot of people with that neurological difference are going to way be more concerned with equality and justice and saving the planet than with a sociopathic pursuit of money and status.

Because I grew up in a working class community, I never knew about the prejudice against and hatred for gifted people until I got on the internet. But after years of observing the online conversation about it, I really think that the issue is not the kids, or their parents, or the word.

The issue is American culture, and how it pits people against each other and how it values money above all else and how it is drenched in bigotry and it does not give equal opportunity to everyone. The reason why “gifted” classes are mostly made up of white middle class and higher kids is not anything wrong with the “gifted’ designation itself. It’s something wrong with how that school is identifying “gifted” kids.

And yeah, when you say that everyone is gifted, I feel like you’re discounting everything I’ve gone through with having to learn how to deal with the fact that actually, very few people are like me.

Like I said, it wasn’t much of a problem when I was growing up, except that my father died when I was seven and the other members of my family are not very cognitively complex, so I had to take care of everyone and I couldn’t share any of my inner experience with my family because they weren’t capable of understanding it.

But when I got online and found mainstream middle class culture – then came the ostracism, the bullying, the invalidation, the lack of understanding, the projection of insecurities on to me.

Changing the word isn’t going to do much. Changing the culture will. If you teach your kids to value everyone’s contributions and to see life as a group survival project rather than as a crab bucket where you have to kill all the other crabs to survive, then maybe both “gifted” and “special’ would just be words used to designate a set of needs that are different from the norm, as opposed to trash cans where everyone dumps their personal insecurities.

This made me cry. I have 3 kids. One struggles terribly with self-confidence. One struggles terribly in relationships. I love them and believe in all of them like crazy. Your words inspired me to love them even better. Thank you.

A dear friend sent me this post since it touches on a conversation she and I have had for several months now.

I am gifted. I have two gifted kids. I am also a person with a disability. I am a long term advocate for persons with disabilities and an emerging advocate for kids who are labeled “gifted” per the criteria for giftedness in educational circles.

Language with powerful and words and labels change as our societal perceptions change. Sometimes changing words can help change perceptions. An “invalid” (in valid) conjures up a different image than a “person with a disability” (person first, possible limitation second). Those language changes have been mighty powerful over the years- as a society we can barely use the “n” word. That word did not always have a negative connotation it does today.

We all have lots of labels. As we go through our days and our lives those labels are more or less relevant, damaging or helpful. “Mom” is relevant at bedtime. It is not relevant halfway through Bikram yoga class. “Adult who was Formerly a Gifted Child” is generally not relevant or damaging, but it sure does help me understand my kids and helps me get through some meetings. It sometimes gives me some credibility in some meetings. Labels inform- and sometimes they shape feelings, emotions and perceptions. Sometimes that is bad. Sometimes it is good.

I can’t argue that labels are not important or are unnecessary. They are. If I have a file cabinet of folders for documents and papers and they have no labels I have an unorganized mess that is unmanageable. Those labels – “mortgage”, “blue cards”, “BBB Complaint” – may be emotion laden or not, but they help sort that world. Labels for people do too- they help us sort information and make sense of what we are facing. The problem is when we make faulty assumptions or prioritize the information in a way that limits the opportunity that each interaction with another human. If you meet me and the first labels that you have for me are “profound hearing loss” you *might* start your encounter with me with a whole lot of concerns about whether I can understand you, if I need an interpreter, if I can hear my children cry or if the Starbucks we are meeting in is too loud. All those worries in your head could impede your ability to know the delightful being that is me. If I meet your “high functioning gifted child who also has Asperger’s and dyslexia” I might not be looking for the beaming kid who has organized the patch of clover on the playground by shades of green. At the same time though, if you know that I am a “person with a profound hearing loss” you might not take offense when I don’t turn around when you call me – I am not blowing you off, just did not hear you.

Now for this gifted business. It truly bothers me that as parents we are loathe to utter the words “Bobby is gifted” until we know that it is perceived as being safe. What is the reluctance? Are we afraid we will be accused of bragging about our kids? Are we, who generally better understand what it means to be a gifted kid, BRAGGING? Would we be doing some good if we started talking about it so we can start educating? “Yes, Bobby is gifted and in the school’s pull out program. One of the characteristics of a lot of gifted kids is that they can be overly sensitive and that is why he was so upset when Joey upset the fire ant mound because it hurt the fire ants and affected the ecosystem in the backyard.”

Should we change the language? Maybe. I don’t know what the new language should be, though it seems easier somehow, for me to go to school and say “Bobby is neuro atypical and I would like to consider accelerating him in math” than to say “Bobby is gifted and I would like to consider accelerating him in math.” astounding- same kid, same strategy feels completely different.

Yes- all of us, and all kids, have gifts and talents. Kids who are gifted as defined by a fairly narrow criteria have talents and gifts too. They all have some very specific needs that need to be understood and addressed.

Wow, I needed this today! Had parent teacher interviews with my little son, who is in kindergarten and was feeling badly after that. Hard to hear some of the things he needs to work on and i could tell his feelings were a bit hurt. Reading this felt like a gift to me today and a great perspective.

“Every child is gifted and talented. Every single one.” and so they grow up, an every single adult is gifted, and so every single person on the planet is gifted. What a planet full of only gifted people we have!!

I’ve been casually following this conversation here and other places around the web, and I have a few comments to add regarding the debate around what to call people with exceptional intelligence. I was labeled a “gifted” child throughout my school career. I’m now an adult parent with my own children, one of whom has special needs, so I completely get the need to passionately advocate for your kids’ needs no matter where they fall on the intelligence spectrum. I applaud parents who are proactive in helping each of their children meet their fullest potential. And I understand your desire to move the conversation forward even if that means using new or different words to do so. You may feel moved to advocate for a new “label” for this population that will help increase acceptace for both your “gifted” child and the “normal” people who don’t currently understand what “gifted” means–that it’s not a belittlement of their own “normal” children. I’ve seen suggestions from parents and teachers including “asynchronous learner”, “exceptional learner”, “hi-IQ”, “accelerated learner”, “divergent learner”, “brilliant”, “neuroatypical”…the list goes on. I think asking people, as well meaning as they may be, (parents, teachers, outsiders) what to rename “gifted” individuals instead of asking actual gifted individuals what they want to be called is marginalizing. It would be no different than assigning a new name to an ethnic group, let’s say, without including them in the discussion. We deserve a seat at the table. Right now most of the conversation is happening *around* us without *including* us, and I think it’s because people forget that the “gifted” population is not solely made up of children. We don’t outgrow our exceptional abilities, and we should be part of the conversation. I would urge any well-meaning group or individual looking to advocate (on behalf of their children or students) for new language to define this population–partner with the adults of this population. If you are not one of us, don’t assume you know what’s best to call us. We deserve the privilege to define our identity, no different than any other special population expects and demands.

All children matter to the people who love them.
All children are worthy of love and support.
All children have potential that should be nurtured.
All children have a part to play in the world.

Those are the things that are important for children to know, and I think they are what Glennon was trying to say. We can be wounded by school through the comparisons that are forced on us by testing and grades, and the assumptions people make about our futures: wounds of underestimation, wounds of not being seen or valued, wounds of low expectations. Those wounds are real; they should be acknowledged and we should work to heal them.

But there are other kinds of school wounds: wounds of cutting down or undermining success, wounds of being required to go through the motions of what you already know, day after day until you are completely drained of your once vibrant passion for learning, wounds of denial of your abilities.

Instead of seeing the acknowledgment of giftedness as the thing that is wounding, maybe we can see that it is the institution of school and comparisons, the rankings, the sorting that it requires to operate on its industrial model as the thing that is wounding. When people say “All children are gifted” they are trying to heal one wound but making another wound worse by erasing the experiences of others and denying their existence.

My thoughts have been skittering around while reading this post and the comments. I admit that I enjoyed the post more than I anticipated since I began in warily. I was in GT in elementary and my oldest daughter is too. I wouldn’t be surprised if my second daughter is tested for it soon too. As most mother’s I’m sensitive about my children, but I’m also pregnant with my 4th child and hormones made it hard for me to read the post without blubbering. You see, I absolutely agree that all children are gifted and talented. I also completely agree that the most important place to build a child’s self-worth is in the home. Here is why.

I am the oldest of five children. In third grade, I was tested and put into the Gifted and Talented program. I wasn’t separated out from the rest of my class except for an hour a few times a week when I went to GT with a few other kids in my grade. It was great getting a chance to stretch my brain further and flex my budding creativity. Two years later, my sister followed me into the program.

By this time, my brother had made it clear that learning was not going to be easy for him. He was held back in kindergarten, resulting in his former classmates calling him flunker for the next five years of his life. He was tested and diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia. His time was split between the regular classroom and Special Education classes. Back then, teachers didn’t know what to do with kids like him. He was put in a big box to help keep him from getting distracted. He literally had to sit, surrounded by cardboard while he was in the regular classroom. He was always behind getting his work done and misbehaving so that every recess was spent with his head against a brick wall while kids played around him because he was in trouble. My parents’ life became consumed with his learning. They spent hours every night teaching him things he would have forgotten in the morning. They fought teachers about his I.E.P. because they couldn’t understand making adjustments for a child to help him/her succeed in learning. Now, I would never say that he wasn’t intelligent, gifted, or talented. Let me tell you, that kid lit our lives up. He was a ball of adventure, creativity, innovation, and mechanical genius. We never knew what knew thing he was going to do make us laugh, amaze us, or scare us to death.

My youngest sister didn’t struggle with behavior, but she too was diagnosed with ADHD and some learning disorders. Her life was not as extreme as my brothers, but it was difficult in many ways for her. She too attended Special Education Classes.

My youngest brother didn’t go to GT or Special Education. He seemed to be like the other students, except of course that he was an individual with his own struggles and strengths. Smart, but slow and meticulous, as well as quiet. That made classroom performance difficult though he learned everything easily.

Today, all five of us have a four year college degree, my first sister with a Masters of Education specialized for Special Education. She currently devotes most of everyday to the rigors of helping her students. All of us have spent our lives finding our talents and developing them. Why? Because my parents invested themselves in each of us individually. We never doubted our worth or potential because they never did. They never let any of us give up or do less than we were capable of. They didn’t let the labels of the world replace our individual identity.

So where do I stand on the name Gifted and Talented? I can see why a different name could be better, but here’s the reality. No matter what label you put on something, it’s going to take on a meaning and connotation based on what it represents. This is why kids like my brother and sister had to face teasing about how they were “Special” because they were in Special Ed. What a beautiful word to be so twisted around to mean something hurtful and degrading. Especially when it should never have been a negative thing that they needed to be taught a different way to succeed. GT is vital in helping students to reach their potential and have self-worth. My daughter goes once a week to her special class where she flourishes, but is very accepted and comfortable in the regular class room where she has many friends. Would a different name for her class make it more acceptable or less hurtful to those who aren’t in it? Maybe. But that name would still represent what these kids are capable of and what they need. Would that name not take on the same hurtful connotations? Should the class be done away with? Absolutely not. They need that class as much as any kid in Special Education need theirs.

It’s simply this: It feels wrong that a beautiful word is reserved for just a few. Even to gifted people. Contrary to what others might think, gifted people think about this a lot. Let’s change things up! How about joining hands with all the mamas of “gifted” kids who also know the world needs a different term and demand it happens? At the same time, listen to these mamas and open your hearts to learning about the uneven physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of these kids who benefit from a specialized kind of guidance through certain parts of life. Those mamas will tell you about the struggle that is 24/7 without even having to be asked. Their stories start from baby’s earliest days and it was never about a present being slowly unwrapped. It was never about the right books, toys or music when they were little. Baby was born this way. Baby’s lens has always been different, faster, hotter, harder, scratchier, even overwhelming to baby who initially thinks this is everybody’s normal. Soon they learn everyone else seems to be handling this living thing with a lot less intensity and questioning from others. “What’s wrong with me?” And it will touch these mamas tremendously that you listened and care. It is more about how a little kid is wired to take in the world, think about it, feel about it, and make connections years beyond the total of their time spent living life. And they stay that way their whole life – even though they might hope “normal” is a few days away. They know deep down that they are different (not better). We can provide you lots of examples of what they are told by adults and kids about their different-ness. While the words are often not mean-spirited, the sting they invoke helps build that next layer of lonely feeling. Not all of them are shy, not all of them are blatantly quirky, some of them are successful, well-liked by other kids and respected leaders, especially if they’ve figured out how to navigate “normal”. And it is also true that most of them live an internal life of extremes their little soul just can’t manage well without some dedicated guidance and no-strings attached acceptance. Let the schools know it is an injustice to your kid to be identified as “not” something beautiful by virtue of others being told they are. We agree! Help intellectually gifted kids find acceptance and a place where they feel safe and free to be who they are without worrying about shining too brightly or being cut down. We won’t need to write reams about universal giftedness or gifts anymore. And our little ones will know all the mamas care.

I’m 8 months pregnant with my first and this made me soo weepy. All babies are special, they are all gifts and it’s up to us as their mamas to reinforce all the beautiful things they are. I’m going to sit here and feel all my little girl’s twists and turns and just trust that she (and I) will be okay. xoxo

Glennon, your post is beautiful and I just have to share with you how some of the negative comments actually helped me. I was labeled “gifted” as a child, but until reading the comments in this post, I never knew it was a THING. I always just thought it meant I was extra-smart, and no one ever told me differently. No one told me that there are so many behavioral things that can go with it. I am in my thirties and I feel like so much of my life is making sense now. I am happily married with children and life is pretty darn great, but there are all sorts of little things that are “clicking” now. And I’m 99% sure that my oldest child is “gifted” and maybe now we will be able to parent her a little differently, a little better.
So I hope with all my heart that the negative comments didn’t get to you, not even a little tiny bit. But if they did, I hope it helps knowing that it was the negative that helped me, and may have even changed my daughter’s life. Even the bad can lead to good. Love wins. God bless you.

It’s true that everyone has “gifts” but that’s not what “gifted” means in this context. I hated the word growing up because I knew it made other kids feel bad, but I’m eternally grateful that I was put in the gifted program. I’m not a genius or anything but I was so so bored before and all of a sudden we actually got to LEARN and I met other kids like me who were interested in what I was interested in. It changed my life. Bottom line is every kid has different challenges, talents, and needs and educators should and usually do (if they have the capacity) try to give each child what they need. This doesn’t mean the “gifted” kid doesn’t have needs as well. I think we should come up with a better word because it didn’t make anyone feel nice. After I went through my program I think they ended up renaming it the “energy” program or something like that. Also, a gifted program doesn’t have to mean isolated. We had recess with the other kids, but most of them were mean to us and didn’t want to play the same things we did.

I think that what you are missing is this – an autistic child or a dyslexic child could also be gifted. It isn’t either- or. It could be AND. If one of these children were gifted on top of their other disability, they would need their gifted needs to be addressed, as well. Gifted doesn’t mean what you think it means. All children are a gift, but the word gifted is actually a special needs designation.

I was (am? no, wait, I have mommybrain now) gifted. Segregated and separated out from the “other” kids from 4th grade on. Did well in grade school, did well in college, doing just fine in life.

When Facebook came out, I got a bunch of friend requests from people I’d gone to school with. People I didn’t know well, because I’d been placed in the “special” classes. And I really missed out. There were some really amazing people that I am only now getting a glimpse of. People who are kind, and intelligent, and remarkable.

I would not have gotten dumber if I had been in a class with them. I would like to think that, in some small way, I might have been a good influence on them. I know that they would have had a good influence on me. Any time you expand your world, your broaden your mind.

My children go to a school with no gifted program. There are kids across the spectrum in each class, and they work together in project based learning. If one child has a solid understanding of a concept, he will help another one that is struggling. These children do not get bored; they are always encouraged to delve deeper into the subjects they are studying.

Just like real life.

As an employer, this is what I need my future workforce to know. I need them to be able to work with a variety of people. I need them to be able to be self directed, and not wait for me to hand them work, but to find their own opportunities to grow and make themselves valuable. I need them to know how to learn on their own, because continuous education is a requirement for most jobs these days.

Nobody has “gifted” or “dyslexic” or “ADHD” stamped on their forehead when they are an adult. Nobody even puts it on their resume. If school is preparing them for adulthood, why do they need the labels there, either?

Hello. I saw this the other day and I have to say it did ruffle my feathers, even though I knew what you were really trying to say. I teach gifted kids, and have done so for 17 years, and I’ve seen how rough they have it. I’m so saddened by the loss of this wonderful resource our country has in these kids. I think the hot responses come from this long term fight (from those of us who know these kids) that we constantly fight for them. They don’t know what normal is, they only know what they are, and it seems they are despised for being who they are, especially by those who are supposed to be developing their special skills: our education system. Our feathers get ruffled because we hear this statement all the time, and have to again explain, “It’s an educational term, not a slight against others.” The students get this as well. They wish there was another term, but then what would we call “them?” With their gifts come great vulnerabilities, and we take these gentle giants of the educational world, make them sit, tell them they’ll be fine because they will pass a blasted test. That said, I have had students who are what we call “bubble kids” who are on the cusp of the right score, and look for anecdotal evidence and allow them in. They almost never last. Some do, but it is out of sheer work and determination, which is different from that need that was discussed earlier. I know your heart was in the right place on this post. But I want to defer to Pearl Buck for those who don’t quite understand, because she said it best:
“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:

A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.

To him…

a touch is a blow,

a sound is a noise,

a misfortune is a tragedy,

a joy is an ecstasy,

a friend is a lover,

a lover is a god,

and failure is death.

Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create – – – so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

Blessings to all.

I shared this with the person who is in charge of student support and curriculum at the wonderful school where I teach. She then shared it with all of our faculty and staff. Every single one of them. I loved this piece and I particularly loved it as a mother of a child who has needed me to stay calm and be on her team, except I haven’t always done that in the ways that she needed. As you said, all kids need us calmly on their team to support them and to reassure them that problems can be tackled ( together). Thank you.

Whoa…

Before you start throwing around terms like “gifted”, “talented”, and “genius”…do your homework. It’s a difficult life for these kiddos. Be careful what you wish for.

Truth telling?

OK. Here’s some truth for you.

Imagine having to sit through a SEVEN HOUR work meeting with your peers…during which the same information or information already known to you is presented over and over. The meeting and all the information is repeated daily…adding only small pieces of new information over time. You are asked to sit quietly and patiently throughout the meeting. Your attention cannot wander even though the information is achingly dull, obvious and was known to you before you arrived at the meeting. You can’t fiddle with your cell phone, scribble notes or make lists — your attention is required to be on the boss and you’re supposed to listen to the peer discussions and work out the same problems and projects with minimal differences alone and in groups all day. When you try to discuss things that are interesting to you, or to bring up counterpoints or introduce new information — you’re told that this isn’t the proper forum for that….and directed back to the mundane, repetitive tasks you’ve been asked to do again. Your boss seems fine with it. Your co-workers seem fine with it…in fact they ask questions that show the repetition is NEEDED by them…they are oblivious to your needs.

And here’s the clincher — you need to work on this same material, in this same 7 hour format with these same peers — EVERY DAY….work moves forward at an excruciating slow pace.

It’s not even relived during your breaks and lunchtime….because during those moments — you are unable to leave the workplace and are still surrounded by your coworkers. They sense that you’re different and think you’re weird. They can tell that you aren’t like them. Their conversations hold little or no interest to you, and your attempts to engage them or relate to them on their level are met with confusion, hostility and intolerance.

Guess what?

That’s a gifted child’s experience of school until they get assessed as gifted and some measure of real differentiation in the learning experience is provided for them.

My kid went through that from kindergarten to third grade. She’s been miserable for most of that time. Our district has NO PROGRAM whatsoever to meet her needs as a GATE student at school.

For her…when something interesting is presented and she has a question about it — her question cannot be answered by the teacher because taking time to do so would confuse EVERYONE ELSE in class and derail the learning experience for them. So she’s marginalized and ignored because “she’s doing fine” academically.

Except she isn’t.

She’s bored out of her skull and losing any and all interest in school, education and LEARNING.

She used to be a happy, bright child that ate everything up like a sponge soaks up liquids. But not now. 3 years of public school have beaten all the interest in learning and academics out of her.

She hates school now. And it shows. As a result of that stifling, boring, repetitive environment — her attention wanders — when iit does she becomes a discipline problem for the teachers who until this year did not recognize her as a GATE child and instead saw her as remedial, maybe ADD, maybe autistic, maybe just STUPID…

Seriously, I’ve had a 1st grade teacher try to tell me my child might be mentally challenged — my kid who started reading at 3, and read Harry Potter at home in 1st grade was given “Dick and Jane” style books by her teacher and constantly recieved “uh-ohs” and reprimands from her — because my kid was SO board in her classroom she just checked out mentally and stopped participating at all…leaving the teacher convinced that she was an uncooperative space-cadet who did not UNDERSTAND what was being presented to her…

Why did this happen? Because intellectually — my child has SPECIAL NEEDS. She is gifted. Gifted is a kind of “special need” no different than any other….the school provided assistance to kids that had dyslexia, developmental delays, autism… But nothing for my kid.

My kid is being slowly starved intellectually. She’s being given one tiny piece of information — something she mastered instantly — over and over and over again, in tiny allotments. She needs a whole meal…the other children don’t have that sense of intellectual starvation — for them the pace is fine, rigorous even. But for her? It’s like being give droplets of water when she’s dying of thirst.

Are all children special and wonderful with strengths and weaknesses and talents and challenges? Yes.

Being “gifted” isn’t about being treated like you are special. It’s about having a SPECIAL NEED and a right to have that need met, just like other children do.

You are right, every child is special. And every adult used to be a child. I think it translates. Love of kids where they are starts with love for ourselves. When we come home at night, adults don’t have parents to remind us we are okay, at least not earthly parents. But you can be darn sure God (and Mary) are there eating cookies with us and telling us how amazing they think we are!

Every every child is special, but the “every child deserves a award” mentality is DESTROYING this country. My reading on your article does not seem to suggest you support that, but we need to be careful propping kids up with unrealistic entitlement beliefs. Hard work and discipline are the only ways to get ahead.

Saying something, even forcefully or punctuated for emphasis, does not make it true.

Your statement is incorrect, and you seem to be using a school’s poorly handled communication to deny the truth and needs of a unique population of children, as well as their parents.

I love this Glennon, and it reminds me of Howard Gardner’s theory of different types of intelligences. I have never liked the moniker “gifted and talented,” because it takes one sort of intelligence, and makes it sound like the only one there is.

Some of us have seen this in our workplace — the brilliant person who knows his stuff, but can’t get along with anybody and loses his job. He’s “gifted and talented” in one sense, but needs help and support, even TUTORING, in others.

GLENNON! It occurred to me this morning that the problem isn’t you and your essay- it’s us! What a relief! This is all just a big miscommunication. I was sad when I got the letter saying my child didn’t test into G&T, I did not understand what it actually meant. I feel much more ok now that I understand what it actually is.

Let’s all try and LOVE our way through this. We just didn’t understand. Now we do. I’m sorry to the mama’s who read my comment and were hurt. I just didn’t understand.

If all children are gifted (meaning the label, not having gifts in various labels), then no child is gifted. Gifted doesn’t just mean high IQ. With that usually comes other issues. So, if the child in the story is truly gifted (meaning the label, not having gifts in various areas of life), I would worry more about addressing her other issues so that she is more free to use her giftedness in academia. I am assuming said child has sensory issues, social issues, or the like that often comes with giftedness.

It’s doing a child a disservice to tell them they fit a label that they do not fit. Amazing that we wouldn’t rush to tell a child they had special needs but we freak if another child has a special need called giftedness. I think people think this just means smart. It’s so far beyond that. It’s multi-faceted and it’s a lie to say all children fit that label. Do all children have talents? Absolutely, 100%, yes. Every child has an area in life they excel in and those talents should be fostered by their parents and family. But, not all children fit into the well defined label of gifted just like not all children fall into the well defined label of Autism, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, or special needs.

Glennon –
I think this is the deal –

“Talented and Gifted” can either be read as two adjectives (such as awesome) or one noun (as in “the program”). In the lead up paragraph, you used “gifted” as a replacement shorthand for the specific “talented and gifted” program, or the noun.

To understand why people may be upset, go back through and replace every “gifted / T&G” reference with “the program” (the noun) and I think it might become clear. For those who are miffed, go back through and replaced “gifted / T&G” with the word “awesome” and I think that’s what the people who love this interpreted.

I see the world in spreadsheets and patterns (which is an isolating “gift”) and my interpretation naturally follows how the essay was set up at the beginning – that “gifted” is a reference to the noun, not an adjective. It’s the way my brain is wired. The first time I read through my reaction was “ouch. that’s so off base.” But I understand that’s not what you meant or what most Monkees read.

As a side note, the other pattern that I see here ALL THE TIME is when someone disagrees with you, the Monkees turn rabid. #lovewins has transitioned to mean #wewin and they just don’t get it. We all walk into the room with the lens of experiences we’ve had, and those who see things in a different light aren’t welcome and are shamed for disagreeing. Shamed. Here. At Momastery. For being different.

I wish every Monkees would go back and read their responses defending you and slamming anyone who was hurt in the name of protecting you. #thatsnotlove

Namaste.

I spent my childhood watching my mother advocate for my older sister who is on the autism spectrum and I am spending my motherhood advocating for my daughter who is on the gifted spectrum. The similarities in some of the behavior between my sister and my daughter is uncanny. Emotional outbursts, frustration, a need for routine, and a super sensitive requirement of life to be fair. I sense in my sister her desire to be “normal” and I’ve heard my daughter exclaim multiple times “why can’t I just be normal”. Life on either end of the IQ spectrum is not an easy place to be and requires significant support and advocacy from the people that love them. Through the years I have seen the words that catagorize the mentally and developmentally challenged children and adults change to be more sensitive to their personhood and experiences. I wish the same would happen for the term “gifted” for the children and adults at the other end of the IQ spectrum. It is not an appropriate label and causes so much misunderstanding and emotionality from the public. As mothers we all advocate for our children whether they have a label or not. I hope we can support each other without judgement since it all comes from a place of love for our kids.

I love this post – I’ve looked back at the original hundreds of times, trying to calm my anxiety about my daughter’s struggles in school. Thank you for posting it again today … one day after yet another teacher conference.

Ok. LOVE THIS, first of all. Secondly, I believe every word of this could relate to EVERYONE. Substitute the word “education” with “life.” Life is not a race. Life is like Christmas. WE ALL have special gifts. GOD is like OUR parent…he’s telling us that we’re ALL “ok.” He wouldn’t trade us for anything or anyone. He is GLAD to be on OUR team. He is the “calm in the mist of our storm.” He wants us to look to him when the fire in our lives is raging and see that He is calm. He’s got this and he’s got us. We just have to TRUST him and then we, too, can obtain that same sense of calm. LOVE THIS!

Every child can have a talent but not every child is gifted. They mean quite different things I’m afraid! I could argue the point more but I’ve been doing this for years now and frankly, it gets tiring. Some people have a higher IQ than others, some people have longer legs whilst others can grow their hair longer. Giftedness is something you’re born with – a predisposition and talent is what you get good at through nurture.

Have you ever had gifted babies? They’re very different to other kinds.

Not every child is gifted. No way.

I love the message this post is going for. But imagine retelling the story and the little girl comes home and says “mama, I’m not special. Some of the other kids got letters today for special education, and I didn’t get one. Aren’t I special?” The response in the parent and the explanation to the child will be totally different. Children’s are a gift. Children are special. Every child has unique gifts and talents. But just like special education is a educational label with a specific meaning of needing/getting educational assistance outside the norm, gifted is also a label meaning needing/getting special assistance. A child not being in the gifted program is no more an insult or a statement of lacking than that same child not being in special ed. My son wouldn’t function well in a first grade classroom. He’d be a disturbance to the teacher and the other kids, not to mention how he would struggle. Adaptions that have him finishing third grade right now and starting fifth grade math are necessary. That’s not a brag, not a comparison or put down to other kids, but a statement of his right to an appropriate education and the benefit for him and his peers that it is accommodated.

Giftedness is asynchronous development in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm.
Saying every child is gifted is as incorrect as saying every child is disabled.

Looks like our kids are a passionate topic…and that makes so much sense. I have read through many of the comments, and I get what some people are frustrated about. Advocating for your kid is tough stuff.

At the same time, I hope that people who are miffed exhale a bit and understand that–at least as I see it–Glennon was trying to encourage us to see the gifts each child possesses, be it academic or otherwise. I don’t think she foresaw that using the term “gifted” would be such a hot button, and I hope that those who deal with that term in relation to a child they love can see her ultimate point.

Every child is a blessing. Every child can be a challenge. We are all children of God. Let’s remember the grace and mercy given to us and extend it to others.

This is my first visit to this blog. I have just watched Glennon’s TEDx talk and am struck by how eloquently she described the exquisite perceptions she had as a child and how, in attempting to cope with this sensitivity, she fell into addiction. Those truly familiar with “gifted” children will recognize this as indicative of Dabrowski’s 5 Over-excitabilities…emotional over-excitability and also imaginational over-excitability. “Normal” life is hard enough for most people, but when you are wired to experience the world more intensely and sensitively than most, it can sometimes be too much to bear. Please keep this in mind when reflecting on “giftedness”…and if anyone is interested in knowing more, SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) is a lifeline.

I am really surprised that the schools are giving these letters directly to the children. At my kids’ public school, the letters are mailed to the parents. Then, if the child passed the test, the parents have the choice of allowing their child into the program. This gives the parents the ability to explain giftedness directly to their child. Unfortunately, not every child is tested, only those who are recommended for testing by a teacher or their parent.

Our school district says that GT is for those who think in exceptional ways, not for those who are just smart. However, most of the kids in the program seem to be typical smart kids, including my child who doesn’t have gifted characteristics, just makes better-than-average grades. But the program works for these kids because it doesn’t do anything really “gifted”, just gives them the opportunity to go on a field trip or two. I think schools do a disservice to those who have the psychological characteristics of “gifted” when they label ordinary smart kids as “gifted”. This is probably a lot of what led to the “every child is gifted” mentality.

As the mother of a child who was branded as “gifted” I can tell you it isn’t all roses. In fact I took my child out of her neighborhood school because of the backlash she and I received once I requested her to be tested and she more than passed as a kindergartener. Now in third grade and in a school that can handle all sorts of learning (dis)abilities, my girl still struggles with some of the social issues so prevalent in “gifted” kiddos but the staff is more equipped to handle differences. For three years I’ve encountered daily grown people and small people who treat both of us with severe hate. Yes, all children are gifted by God on the day he stitches them in our wombs. Yes, we are created with a desire to be loved and accepted and that need begins the day we are born. No it’s not okay for professionals to put labels on students especially in front of other students. However, everyone deserves the best of the best for their future and that includes my precious gifted girl. Living by the Golden Rule would solve most of the hurt we’ve experienced and if nothing else, that’s the lesson we will take away; they will see God in us!

Glennon, from one educator to another – girl, you’ve got it! I heard what you were trying to say, and you are right on. It is so very clear to me where your heart is, so don’t question it. We are ALL a part of this amazing sorority called “motherhood”, and we’re all just doing our best. One thing I’ve learned through my years in education is that the love mamas have for their babies is so powerful that sometimes our hearts take over and we get defensive…even when there isn’t anything to defend. I guess it just comes with the awesome, overwhelming power of motherhood. That’s why it’s the hardest AND most rewarding job in the world. Discussing sensitive topics is important; it’s necessary. Keep doing the good thing, G. It’s good…it’s all good. Blessings.