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I sort of went on a rant but it made made me feel good. I need peace, I need support and I need prayers.

My life was pretty good; great job, beautiful home, healthy and delicious children, amazing husband but every single day I was overcome with feelings of insecurity. I have been this way since I can remember. I have always felt like a fraud. Growing up I had learning issues and ADHD, and as a result, I did not experience too much academic success. I was bulimic, suffered from serious bouts of depression, even wanted to kill myself at one point. I did go to college, it just took more time and a few different schools to graduate. On top of that, I would drink to deal with my feeling of self-loathing. Then I would, of course, do/say/act in ways that would fill me with more shame and guilt, which only exacerbated the depression and bulimia. I hated myself. I have always felt screwed up but never knew why.

I felt out of control. The shame of being bulimic was so unbearable because binging and throwing up was disgusting!! I felt like most of my life I was hiding all of these horrible secrets. If people knew who I really was and the things I did, they would hate me, be disgusted by me, and no one would ever love me. Everyday I was hiding.

Still, I got married to someone who did love me and I loved him!! He knew about my issues but not realize to what extent. We get married, we now both have graduate degrees, successful careers, a beautiful home and two amazing children. On any giving day, I leave the house and have to go back inside five times because I forget things, I’m unorganized, I lose my keys, I have overwhelming feelings of inadequacy at work and home. My husband says, “it’s exhausting just watching you.” At work I run in circles to check myself eighteen times to make sure I did my job well, and didn’t screw it up. I can’t appear disorganize and frazzled at work!! I also breast fed my children for over a year each, while working full time, pumping twice, sometimes three times a day while I was at work. I had a freezer full of breast milk that I had to fill each day, replace each day and prepare each day. (for childcare)
I scheduled everything for the kids; childcare, birthday parties, after school activities, doctor appointments, playdates, projects, etc. I knew when it was picture day, I knew when to send in cupcakes, when to be at the girls school for the 100th day of school. I did everything!!! I don’t know how I did it but I was a great mom.

People would say, “how do you do it all?” I actually starting thinking, I was pretty amazing and I’m not doing so bad. My issues were still there, but I thought, I doing great at work and great at the mom stuff. We sold our home and lived with my parents (for much longer than expected) until we found a new home. Two kids under four, I was pretty excited. It had been a crazy two plus years but NOW things can settle down.

That was two years ago. About nine months living in our new home, I find out my husband had been cheating on me for six months. Because of the particulars of how I found out, I had communication with this other person (not by choice) so I became privy to information that no wife who has been cheated on want to hear about from the person her husband cheating with.

Guess what, turns out my loving and amazing husband who liked me just the way I was, with all of my craziness, didn’t like me so much. In addition to my disorganization and poor budgeting skills that apparently drove him nuts, he felt neglected. Ya know, when I was nursing two children, working full time and living with the parents. I’m so sorry you didn’t get enough attention!

So, it’s been two years, lots of counseling, lots of denial, crying, therapy, and self help books. When I read Carry on Warrior: Thoughts of Life Unarmed,
I cried so hard, I had to put it down. I couldn’t get through a paragraph. My life resembled Glennon’s experiences, not in every way but so much so that I just cried.

I have a great family, why am I so screwed up??? Because, I too was born a little broken, with an extra dose of sensitivity; I was missing the layer of protection I needed to expose myself to life’s risks- like friendship, tender love, and rejection. I was trying to fill God size hole with bad stuff that only made my hole bigger. Thank you Glennon for helping make sense of my emptiness. Strangely enough I have returned to my church and and filling that hole with the right stuff (but still mixed with my wine)

I am 40 years old and for the first time in my life, I told my therapist (one of many throughout my life) that I was bulimic. The first one! The idea of “being unarmed” and putting it all out there sounded so liberating. So a lot of my healing from my husbands affair and ability to function up until this point has had to do with reading your book. I don’t care any more how many schools I went to! I don’t care that I’m screwed up. I do my job well and I am an amazing mother.
So thank you Gleenon for allowing me to see that and making ME know it’s ok.

Life is not supposed to be full of all happiness. Life is hard and we are all screwed up. I am just not going to hide it any more. I want my insides to match my outsides. To this day, we look like the perfect family and hardly anyone knows what we have been dealing with for two years. I have opened up completely and unarmed myself (regarding the affair) with only certain people in an effort to protect my children, but I have unleashed and let go of my past completely. I just let it go, I let go what I have been holding onto inside since I was a little girl and I can finally breathe!

My past….done, gone, don’t care, actually proud. I don’t care what people think about me or my mistakes. My world came crumbling down and I had to release all of my shame, all of my “stuff” in order to heal enough to remain a great mom to my children. I’m dealing with it, It’s so hard but I am dealing with it. This will not break me. I am not perfect. No one is perfect. My husband is not perfect. We have made different mistakes (I think his was worse – lol) but we are getting through it.

I am still drinking a little too much wine, because its still hurts. But I’m not drinking because of the way I feel about myself in general, which is very different. I’m drinking a little too much wine right now because of the affair and how this will play out. I know I will be OK but the implications of an affair are not just about me. They are about my children; do they sense anything? do they know? if they ever find out, will they respect and understand me decision to stay? I don’t know and that hurts me. But it is situational.
I like myself. finally.

Thank you Glennon!!

After scrolling past numerous comments, I am more than sure you may never read this, but I just have to post it anyway. Thank you. You have no idea. This week God has been echoing in the way only He can. He is saying, step back, don’t listen to the noise, be what I am calling you to be. Let it be organic — don’t conform to the pattern of the world. Be content with obscurity because you aren’t obscure to Me. All that and more. This post was the cherry on top of a week full of “everywhere I turn He’s saying it.” Thanks so much for being bold and faithful in the middle of unfinished imperfection.

Thank you thank you thank you! Wonderful post. I’m tired of all of this pretending that we have it together when we don’t and WAITING to live life instead of living it. I’ve been terrified for years to put myself out there and am now finally doing it by writing and producing a few web series. And though it is scary–the fear is exhilarating! And other people are way nicer and less judgemental than I feared. Go you for writing this!

I very much appreciate this series and the words that I have read. But I can’t help but notice that all of the people you included are Christian writers. I’m wondering if it would be possible to be more inclusive by including other faith writers? As a UU writer, I often feel like the voice of the SBNR is missing from the spiritual conversation. Much love to you…

It is a beautiful thing to be reminded that there is no shortage of those of us who are messy. Most days I feel like Messy is my middle name. I am grateful for those like you who get out there and say it is okay, we all are. I too have concluded that once you can accept yourself despite those flaws, you get further down the path of true happiness. The trick is to keep yourself on that path. Sometimes we sidestep, other times we turn around all together and have our little pity parties. But when we grab a hold of our messes and realize it is okay, even necessary, to take them along for the ride, that our value of ourselves starts to build momentum. That momentum is necessary to keep going in life. I am inspired by what you do with your momentum by showing up for others and helping to remind us all that we are okay as we are. I think it takes a lot of people taking turns to remind us to keep going, and we all do this in our own ways. I love the backing of this sacred scared series, and look forward to reading the upcoming posts.

Glennon – agree we all need to show up but understand why some folks want to get “cleaned up” or somehow better first what they don’t realize is that by showing up is the best way to start getting better we have to open the door and participate and those in the room need to accept the messy visitors because they are the ones who enlighten us. Thanks for coming in and keep coming back ok? Your getting better every day but you never want to be “all better”

I’m scared because I’m imperfect and all I was told to be my whole life was to be perfect and I can’t be. And to be so hard on yourself because you can’t let that go, well, it’s truly maddening, sickening and painful. I’m not sure how to let that go. You tell me it’s okay and my therapist tells me it’s okay, but I just can’t get it to stick in my brain. I’m messy, terribly messy and I want that to just be okay, but I don’t know how.

I am so thankful that you show up and keep writing this blog. So many times, your words are exactly what I need to hear even if I don’t even realize it until I’ve read them. I am a perfectionist who feels messy all the time. My worst fear is that I will make a mistake or a “mess”. I hide all of the messiness in my life from everyone except those closest to me and I am very thankful for these people who know the real me and what is really going on in my life. Without them I would be lost in my charade that I portray to the outside world. I am so exhausted with hiding my marital problems and my unhappiness. But reading this has helped me see that I am doing great things by just showing up. I show up everyday to parent my daughter, help in my community and be effective at my job. I just need to learn to accept that my mess is no worse than anyone else’s mess and we can all show up together and be messy. In the end, it will be better to be messy together than be scared and alone.

I am so excited to see this truth of sacred scared. I want to write mine. Thank you for being real.

I have been sitting on this post since yesterday. First of all, as a recovering perfectionist, thank you. “Do better” has been the essence of my personality since I can remember. In some ways, it has helped motivate me and make me “successful” in a few areas of my life. However, that trait has also brought along a lot of shame and a lurking sense of failure, as “better” has no end point. And while I know that only Jesus was perfect, I have always tried my best to get there, both because of my obedience to God and because of that pesky perfectionist trait.

BUT after reading your post and several devotionals yesterday, I realized for the first time that I shouldn’t be striving to be like Jesus… it should be about me accepting my imperfection so that Jesus can work through me. “He must increase, but I must decrease.” See how my goal changes there? Instead of it being about me doing “better,” it’s about me showing up so that he can do it as only He can… not better but perfect!

I have been contemplating some major changes in my life…mostly because I was waiting to be ready…but you are encouraging me to take that leap of faith. I’ve been telling myself that I am waiting for God to tell me it’s time, but maybe, just maybe, He is waiting for me. He can use even messy, imperfect me…if I let him.

I’m 40, I’m tired, and every day I show up! I work with special needs kids every day, and I think I’m really good at what I do! I feel like I make a difference for them. But it’s a whole different story when it comes to my own special needs children! With them I just show up. I have 3 kids, 2 are ADHD, and one is bipolar. And there are days I don’t want to show up…days I want to crawl in a hole and never be seen again. But then something happens, one of them makes me laugh between screams, or my husband looks at me and gives me an understanding look, and that’s enough. That’s enough to make me show up one more time.

Thank you Glennon! You help us all realize that enough IS enough.

I love your words Glennon- thanks.

Thank you for being messy, Glennon. And for allowing all of us a place to accept our own messes…and each other’s!!

You made me laugh and smile today – not what one would expect . . .

(1) I read ‘sacred scared’ as ‘sacred sacred’ and ran with it, until I realized it was ‘sacred scared’ and

(2) Your call to Sister reminded me of my Al-Anon sponsor years ago listening through every heart ache, smiling when I would yell in response to her calm, serene never-failing advice: ‘this too shall pass’. Then the day came when I called with good news and she responded, to my utter chagrin, “this too shall pass”.

Wisdom.

Thank you.

I just took the deepest breath I’ve taken in 12 years. THANK YOU!

Thank you so much for this, Glennon. I ended up writing my own “sacred scared” post late last night and then tossed and turned about whether or not to post it and wondered how authentic is TOO authentic. One of the first things I woke up to was your FB link to this post and it made me feel like the planets have aligned to encourage me. Thanks for being one of the planets. I needed it more than you know.

I’ll be honest. One of the things I honestly hate to be called right now is ‘kind’ because I am. Very. My chemistry teacher calls me kind. My friend calls me kind. I want something else. Smart. Handsome. Competent. Musical. Honest. Just something else. I dunno what my problem with the word ‘kind’ is.

“When we share it, people love us more because we’ve given them permission to love themselves more…” Yes. Yes. One thousand Yes’s to that!! Several years ago I shared my sacred scared with the world. I told of my journey into an affair, through a divorce, and my marriage to the affair guy. Too many wrongs to count, but so much mercy and forgiveness I found. Mercy and forgiveness that can find anyone if if could find me. I continue to be in awe how God uses my mess to speak into the lives of others, and I’m humbled to be used to serve in this way. Thank you for your beautiful words Glennon. God bless you as you serve…
With love, your sacred scared friend, Jacque…xo

I read that whole post, and I didn’t see until the comments that it was the “sacred scared” – I was reading the “sacred sacred.” I think I like mine better. The sacred sacred it that thing you hide from others because you think they won’t like you, but it is sacred because it is what makes you you. It is the most sacred of all of the sacreds.

You’re so awesome.

G,

Your blog is my favorite nap-time read. It makes me feel like my struggles are good and real and the fact that I struggle doesn’t make me crazy….it makes me sane. Thanks for writing. I was recently reading a post and the 2 year old that I nanny for wanted to know what I was doing, so I explained to her that my friend had written a letter to me, or posted a picture…I can’t remember which. BUT the part that stood out in MY head was that I called you my friend, ha! I think if we met we would be friends indeed. Happy Wednesday!

KK

I just started following this blog a few months ago, and I am so glad I did. This is my first time commenting because usually I feel like I’ll just say what everyone else said and I don’t need to always stick my two cents in, blah blah blah. Just afraid to show up, I guess? I am in awe of the truths you tell, Glennon, and the sheer … I don’t know, IMPERFECTNESS with which you tell them. That your truths are so perfect and imperfect at the same time is amazing and powerful and unbelievably comforting. Everything you write about has me nodding my head in agreement and solidarity, but this post hit. the. spot. Just this morning, after screaming at my son for the umpteenth time about his refusal to eat ANYTHING, EVER, I hid in my room and berated the hell out of myself for not being good enough, for being horrible to my little boy, for being impatient and angry and at the end of my rope. I told myself I hated myself, I hated my life, I just wanted out, and that I should never have become a parent because I’m a terrible mother and my boy deserves better. My sacred scared… No, my TWO sacred scareds are that I have anger and depression issues that I refuse to acknowledge because the people in my life might whisper about it and think less of me, and that I truly honestly don’t like parenthood. At least not right now. When my son is almost 3 and is the epitome of a Terrible Two, and when he has eating issues the likes of which I can’t even begin to comprehend, much less fix and be patient with. He’s not just picky. He truly refuses to eat. Anything. Ever. Without a fight, that is. Every day is a fight. Five or so fights a day. I’m a SAHM, and I’m at the point where I want to be done caring. I want to not care SO MUCH so I don’t have to feel the pain every time he refuses sustenance. Every time I think “one of these days he’s going to end up in the hospital,” and secretly wishing that day was today so the never ending nighmare could end and someone could be forced to fix him RIGHTNOW. This morning I felt like a failure. Like my husband deserved a better wife, like my son deserved a better mother. Like I’d never be good enough for either of them. I never considered anything positive… But then I read your post. And wouldn’t you know it, it turns out at the very least, I’m showing up. Every day, for better or really worse, I show up. My son eats SOMETHING. He is clothed and cleansed and hugged and kissed and he is told without fail that he is loved. I showered and dressed myself this morning, and even cooked dinner. While my cleaning lady worked around me. …no, I don’t clean enough. But I show up. I never, ever considered that just showing up was enough. That being messy and sometimes really losing my sh*t is just part of showing up, being there, being real. Tonight my husband brought up the idea of a second baby and I found myself saying “shouldn’t we wait until our son has his eating issues fixed? Shouldn’t we wait until he’s older? Should we wait until we take him to Disney for the first time?” Always with the waiting until. Until some unforeseen time when things will suddenly be perfect? Glennon, thank you for giving us all the permission to stop waiting until things are perfect, and to just live in the now. The messy, real-life, “how the hell am I going to make it through another day” now. To just show up and BE, and to let that be enough. I have never, ever given myself the permission to do that. I’m making it a point to let it be enough, at least for a little while every day, from now on. Baby steps. Thank you for your wisdom and your bravery. Learning that we can do hard things is one of the most important things I have ever learned. You’re inspiring. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

The sacred scared… LOVE it. Also, as a word nerd I love that those two words are separated by the placement of only one tiny letter. I just pressed publish on a post on my own blog about my fear and my husband’s battle with cancer, so this was so timely. Thanks for showing up even when you’re messy and scared.

Glennon, Thank You. I needed these words tonight. I am a mess, and that’s ok. That I keep moving forward is good.

Thank you.

Hi guys-
I can’t help but hear Alanis Morissettes (sp?) song “that I would be good” ringing in my head after reading this. It’s just so fitting.
I love this post so much, and thought I’d add a relatable musical escape for a few minutes for those of you that love music as much as I do.
And yes-chat room please! Although I have no clue how to access one or exactly what it even is. Frankly just the words “chat room” reminds me of a dateline to catch a predator episode. But hey-I’ll show up if it exists!
Xo

I have been reading your blog for over a year. You have encouraged me to be myself and accept me for me. My life is a brutiful mess right now as my husband and I are separated. I needed to breathe, find myself and get out a situation where I felt so much pressure to be perfect. Or the best. Or search for acceptance from others before accepting myself. I am now doing things by myself and for myself for the first time in a long time. There are so many days I don’t want to show up. I want to hide from the world and not get out of bed. But I do. I go to work. I parent my kids when they are with me and just be the best I can be for that day. Thank you G and all the warriors for sharing bits of yourselves and providing hope. <3

This is such great stuff – thank you ALL for connecting. I might be repeating something has said in another comment (I haven’t read them all yet – forgive me), but if I am, it’s still worth repeating. It reminds me of the fourfold way of Angeles Arrien:
1. Show up.
2. Pay attention.
3. Tell the truth.
4. Don’t be attached to the outcome.
So, so hard. Especially numbers 1 and 4. But I’ll work on it if you do. 🙂

Oh Glennon, Glennon, Glennon… every single time. Your posts have been on fire lately. Here I was sitting in my kitchen tonight feeling terrified. I just wrote a super vulnerable post on my blog and I’m afraid it’s for all the wrong reasons and that I’m just trying to find affirmation outside myself and trying to get a bigger readership. I just don’t know what I’m doing. So much of me wants to sit scared. I’m terrified. I’ve been working a Step 10 and my sponsor makes me send her a review of my day everyday… it’s so full of fear and anxiety. Constant fear and anxiety and I can’t stop. I write to shut it up sometimes, but then sometimes I write and it causes more anxiety. Am I just trying to find affirmation? Am I just doing this for the following? Am I just doing this to get out there? is that ok? Am I okay? Are all the other reasons I’m writing this enough to balance out the reasons I shouldn’t? So much pain, so much fear, so many questions, sooooo much self-hatred.
See here is my sacred scared… that I am really a bad person full of ego and I really just want attention, and that I am overdramatic and no one loves me. That is my deepest fear; that I am an arrogant asshole drama queen and it makes everyone want to run.
It’s killing me inside.
And then I come hear and read these words… undone. I have tried to improve and improve and improve away my fear. I am an alcoholic. I’m a love addict. I’m a workaholic. Really, I’m an escapist. And I try to be FINALLY ENOUGH or nothing at all. And you write and you tell me I’m just enough on my own and there is no try, there’s just be and it’s okay that I’m scared because aren’t we all?
Oh God how I needed to know I was not alone in that fear tonight…
You. See. Me. Thank you.

Look at all of these amazing women connecting! All because we’re all fearful and scared. I’m so worried about being judged that it’s crippling for me. As a result, I am a horrible people pleaser. I just want to be the wife I want to be, the mom I want to be, the sister I want to be, etc. etc. I don’t want to be imprisoned by opinions of others. However, maybe I’m the one holding myself in prison? Not sure… I do know that I long to just be me. Fearfully and wonderfully made.
Workin on it, slowly but surely.

-a

You know, this post was very good. Excellent even. But the comments. The comments are where the work is happening. I love this place.

I’m not a mom, but I love your writing and your truth telling. It speaks so closely to my heart. My marriage hit a crisis right about the time yours did, so your writing hit a chord with me. Thankfully, hubs and I are showing up and dealing with the messy, and it amazes me how love can be renewed.

I loved this post today. It was exactly what I needed to read. Today was a day where I didn’t want to show up. I wanted to stay in bed, covers over my head. This weekend I had to say goodbye to a loved one who’s now with Jesus. It was sad, and I had to be strong for others. Today, that weight felt so heavy. I didn’t want to be strong, but a classroom full of teenagers weren’t going to teach themselves so I showed up. Responsibility is a beast sometimes, and I fear showing weakness. I look forward to my therapy appointment tomorrow just so I can be weak and breathe for a little.

Your writing reminds me that weakness (crying, admitting to mess, etc.) is okay, and sometimes weakness isn’t weakness at all – but strength.

Thanks for showing up, Glennon.

G: thank you. And thank you again. I usually spend my evenings replaying the day (and all of my failings) while drowning my “not good enough” guilt in chocolate, fried crap, or fast food. Thank you for giving me permission to just be. To stop trying to be perfect. Tonight, my kids would not stop talking. They fight for my attention constantly. When we got home from church, my husband started in. Talk talk talk talk talk. At me. Not to me. I swear to God I almost hid in my closet. Just to find some peace from my messy life.
And then I found your post for today. And I remembered that we belong to each other. And that we are all messy. And that it’s ok. Thanks G. I’m sending you some love from Pennsylvania tonight. Xoxo

My sacred scared…that my marriage is ending in divorce. That the seeds of addiction, deceit and selfishness have taken my husband back and turned him into a stranger. But really? The only person I’m lying to is myself. I guess it’s not a sacred scared.its a sacred truth. Wow. First time admitting it. I sit here alone tonight with my 2-year old & 5-month old blessings. I’m the lucky one. He just doesn’t realize it. I’m about a 100 lies, weeks of disappearing and a year of heartbreak full of anxiety. I hide this from everyone. Everyone. My sacred scared isa reality I struggle to face. But, I’m the lucky one. I may be months behind in bills but I’m ahead in kisses and snuggles. I might be facing my biggest fear and nightmare, but I’m the lucky one.

This rings true in so many aspects of life… love the idea of sharing our “sacred scared” … your post also reminds me of a phrase I heard from an inspiring educator–Kevin Honneycut–who says, “perfect is the enemy of done.” Thanks for these precious reminders!

My sacred scared is that I worry I will never be enough. Not smart enough,pretty enough a good enough wife,mother,daughter,friend. So I eat to calm the storm of worry that lives inside of me and then when I look at myself in the mirror I am ashamed. Ashamed of what I have let myself become and ashamed because it all seems so petty and small. There are people dealing with real issues and I am selfish and “medicate” myself with food and then the guilt starts all over again

Thanks Glennon- so needed this reminder today!:)

Oh Glennon, thank you for saying it’s okay to be imperfect. And that its okay to show people that you aren’t perfect. I found your blog back when I though that maybe, just maybe I could pretend to be perfect and on top of things long enough that it might actually come true. And maybe if things had stayed the way they were I might have pulled it off. But instead LIFE did happen. And I couldn’t be perfect. And because of you I knew that was okay. And I knew that I could share the not so great things with people and they would still love me.

I’m so glad that you show up. Because you’ve helped me show up.

Show up. I feel like that is what I do every day. I show up for my husband, my kids, my job, my life. And then I feel like I’ve somehow let someone down because my house isn’t Pinterest worthy, my meals are not homemade, my kids valentines came from a box with those stupid tattoos that no one uses anyway. I wake up and deal with the crap that is ADHD from one of the kids, and if I hear from one more person that “those kids just need discipline”, they might find a 9 year old on their doorstep for a few hours to “discipline”. It is a challenge, it is hard on me as a Mom, I feel like I’ve failed him, it is very hard on my marriage, it is hard on my other child. And add on that the fact that I don’t live near any family members so I’m alone, and I’ve battled depression and anxiety myself…still am for that matter. So no, I’m not an alcoholic, I don’t have an eatig disorder, but you, Glennon, your words, your thoughts that don’t make it into words but I can read between the lines, you make me feel okay. I’m okay, okay is good, okay is great, my kid went to bed happy tonight and that is awesome. I’m me and I’m the best me I can be.

G……
We need you…..all of us commenting on this post need each other….how can we make a chat room?? I need someone to talk to about my marriage….like S needs someone….we can all chat and listen to each other…can we make this happen….strangers helping each other as if they were friends….or as they become friends!!

I just love you and all these other women and their messes. I am a big fat mess right now (oh hell I’ve been a mess for a long long time and I keep wondering when the hell I’m going to get it together and stop being such a mess) and I am scared as hell. Some times it seems like I am the only one in this big fat stinky mess. There are day’s and nights I think of checking out. And yet I keep showing up in my day because of people like you writing things like this. Reading this tonight, is like a life rope. Thank you.

I only recently joined your blog as a friend of mine linked something about singling parenting since I have problems being one.

This blog hit me hard as I continually tell myself “well when such and such happens things will be better”. And I’ve recently had to chat with myself that I can’t wait for things to just happen. My kids wait on me while I’m waiting on life. I decided no more. My kids will never follow their dreams because they will have a mother who was too afraid to follow her dreams.

My greatest fear is that I will never be able to live up to the “perfect mother” stereotype that is all over the place. The “oh well my children’s snack are all organic and home made” while I’m feeding my kids prepackaged crackers. It is a fear that seems ridiculous but it’s there nonetheless. I fear I’m not good enough and that everyone around me can see it.

You are such an inspiration Glennon! I met you at Wild Goose last year (I was the one crying in the rain under the umbrella). 🙂 Your book was amazing! Thank you so much! Will you be at Wild Goose this year??? Please!! 🙂

I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve never commented on a blog post before…I read your blog all the time, and have for awhile now…I just always worry that I won’t have anything worthwhile to say. But I just have to comment on this…this post goes right to my heart, right to my deepest fear. I ALWAYS feel like I need to be “perfect” before I can try to do any of the things I dream about doing, and have always felt that I’m not really very good at anything…and so, I end up paralyzed and doing nothing. I’m getting close to 40 years old, and I’m realizing that I have to change my mindset…your wonderful words inspire me to just let go, accept who I am, and let God do the rest. Thank you.

here’s my sacred scared:

that you have read my thoughts or my blog or my whole life and seen that i am on a constant quest to become better, more, something other than myself because i am somehow inherently flawed or not enough.

and i preach to others that they are.

even though i act lately as if they aren’t.

i am 7 years and some months sober, came in through the rooms. stayed because of jesus. and because of grace. and my therapist. and because i got tired. i’m still tired, but just because i am.

life is hard as a single, childless, doing life on my own but with community, mid-thirty-something, too. for us all, life is hard and messy. i know this.

but you remind me of this, glennon.

thank you for reminding me of this, glennon.

i’ve lost my grace place – for others, for me. so i am letting it come again, finding it again. others may not have seen or experienced this, that which i’m known for, that i am a “comfy couch of grace”. but others would say i’ve been hard on them. because i see my old stuff in them, or the potential for who i think they’re supposed to be, and just want them to be free or to not themselves back from getting there because of crap-stuff.

but it’s not my job to make them free. my job, my only job, is to love as i have been loved. and to accept just as they -we- all are, not accept “on the way to where you’re going”, but just as you are.

i used to be this way. i still am. my true i am is. finding it again.

thanks for being a guide.

you free.

xo

I don’t know how I got to this post.
I feel like giving up. Parenthood to a set of four year old twins (surprise twins, identical) is doing me in. I am a SAHM and I feel beyond overwhelmed, panic has set in.
Nobody understands. All the multiple mamas in my group had IVF, therefore WANTED kids. I tried for one on a stupid whim and was given two.
I do love my kids more than anything. I feel like I am decent mom, affectionate, attentive, creative. But I do this out of a sense of decency. They deserve better than me.

I don’t like being a mom, that is my secret. It might be what does me in. The shame, something is wrong with me.

Anyone live in NOVA? I need some friends who won’t judge. I am slipping away and no one can see.

I just said to myself, “I love when Glennon preaches.” Preach!

Thank you, Glennon! XXOO

Glennon, I found you just as your book came out and as I navigated the waters of New Mom. This Momastery place has been a sanity saver in many ways. One of my biggest takeaways, though, has been about which “question word” to focus on (can you tell I’m a teacher?): the WHY versus the HOW. Not how you’re going to wake up again with the crying baby, but why. Not how you’re going to get through a low spot in your marriage, but why. The why is what matters, it’s always what we live for, and it’s all about showing up.

Thank you. This is my first comment here, and it’s full of all kind of messy love.

What you are describing is something I have realized over this last chapter of my life and am still striving to do…on a daily basis. The spirit of what you are cultivating here is so very important. Thank you for that. Thanks for showing up, continually.

As a loving and kind hot mess, I think maybe I need to give myself a little more credit than I do.

I love this. Except I would change it to try to “be better”, but accept that this is long process and every time you fail, just get up and try again. And know that just because you are working towards being better does not mean you should not like the person you are now.

In other words, acceptance and striving to grow can happen at the same time. 🙂

Just found my way to your blog via a friend and watched your TED talk. You are me! Where have you been all my life?!

“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”

― Pema Chödrön

I waited so long to become a mother because my life wasn’t perfect yet- I didn’t have the perfect job, my house was too cluttered, I didn’t have enough money saved, etc. etc. etc. The truth is I was stalling. I was/am afraid that I wouldn’t be good/strong/patient/prepared enough to raise a child in a world that still scares and saddens me. I waited until I was 34 and woke up one day to realize that my dream of being a mother could not wait until I was perfect… and the good news is, my daughter doesn’t need me to be. She loves it when I make mistakes, because my imperfections give her permission to try and fail. She needs me to love my whole self because when I accept my flaws, I prove to her that I will accept hers, too. By speaking with words of acceptance and self-love, I hope to expand the vocabulary of her internal monologue and soften the edges of her inward gaze. By showing up as my own messy, imperfect self, I hope to expand the boundaries of the possibilities of her life, and give her permission to take risks, to fail sometimes, to be imperfect and still show up.

I have been in therapy for years, but have been too shame filled to really “come clean” about all there is to know about my true self. A month ago, I finally wrote three letters to the people I consider my support team. I told them that I have been trying desperately just to get through life in any way possible and do I had been hiding behind some dangerous coping skills. I have abused alcohol to numb myself from reality, I am a cutter and k have an eating disorder. I am 47 years old, and I made the phone call last week to an eating disorder clinic to get some help. As ashamed as I am of the mess I have made of my life, while still trying to maintain the “perfect” look outside so my family doesn’t suspect, my therapist reminded me of one thing. I am still here. For now, that may just have to be enough.

This may seem really trivial, but I’ve been working on getting up the courage to film some exercise segments for my blog. My students keep asking me to and I hesitate because I feel like people won’t see me as an authority since I don’t look like a fitness model. The part of my brain that fostered my eating disorder keeps rearing its ugly head every time I start to plan. I know the videos would help people because I’ve helped my students, but I just get scared. Thank you for the permission to show up in my imperfect body in order to serve others.

Can’t even begin to tell you how much I needed this today. My mole hills seem like huge, gigantic mountain ranges. There’s so much I feel like I want to accomplish and I get bogged down with what’s outside of me.

There’s only so much of life! Let’s get on with it! : ) Thanks for helping me to do that.

Showing up. I’m trying. I want to run away and not show up today. It was terrifying living with a man who suffered from addictions, bipolar disorder, and was abusive. It took me years to heal, but I did it and through support and therapy was doing great. I went back to school, couldn’t find a job, so worked minimum wage jobs and went back to school. It was difficult, but I just kept showing up. And now, I’m discovering our oldest daughter is an addict. She’s only 15. And I’m trying. I’m trying to call places, and get her involved in some positive things, school clubs, church, hobbies, counseling. But the more I find out that’s going on with her, the more I’m heartbroken. I don’t want to do this, I want to hole up in a corner somewhere and just not deal. Not show up. I feel like I dealt with this once, and I don’t know how to go through it again.

I LOVE this. SO inspirational. I am new to Momastery, but I’m inspired. Thank you!

Wow. This was amazing. I literally. Just wrote a blog post about allowing myself to be messy. I have always thought everything needed a positive conclusion saying. “Now. Fix it!” but, that is not what we need to see. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you. For offering me (a messy folk indeed) permission to get started 😀

This SO speaks to how I’m trying to work on racism. I do it publicly, esp my mistakes, whenever I can, even if it’s messy and awkward and maybe wrong, because I’m hoping it gives other white folks permission to do the work too, as imperfect as we all are.

Love you G-Dawg.

<3 this, thank you. My teacher counsels us to "fake it 'til you make it" – not meaning be inauthentic, but in this same sense of don't wait until you (think you) have all the answers to try something. Try it now!

(um, also, I think it's "antidote" to fear, not anecdote 🙂 but I love all your anecdotes too!!!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve been waiting my whole life to show up when I am perfect: when I’m thinner, in less pain, more rested, when I’m a better mom, wife, sister, daughter. Maybe I won’t wait. Maybe my super messy-ness could help someone else embrace theirs. We’ll see. Thank you, again, G! xo

As Sir Winston Churchill (British Prime Minister during the second World War) said, ‘Success is going from failure to failure, without loss of enthusiasm’.
We could all do well to remember that …..

Thank you for what you do. If I had been introduced to you and Momastery in my 20s, I could have saved myself countless hours in therapy.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Glennon.
I’m struggling to stay sober (not get depressed and/or bulimic) during my current honeymoon. It’s so incredibly silly that I have trouble enjoying a perfect day on the beach with my one year old and my husband because of how I think I should look in a bikini?!?
My biggest sacred scared is that I’m a bad mom. I have thought, like a billion Times this past week, that this vacation would have been a LOT more relaxing and easier to enjoy if my daugther was not here. Not really mommy-of-the-year thoughts…
In awe of all of you and trying really hard to be ok with me. Thank you all for sharing.
LOTs of love Mary

Glennon, I just love this! I posted on fear today too–and then saw this in my inbox. You say it so well and with so much compassion. Wish I wrote what you wrote, but then again–you’re whole point is to show up as you are and say your own truth. I love the phrase, “sacred scared.” I love the idea that even our fear is a holy gift as soon as we decide to show up anyway. You rock, friend.

Would love to stay longer and think more about this, but I have to deal with one of my small but persistent scareds today by showing up, literally. One of my doctors has moved her office, and I hate having to find some place I’ve never been before. I’m not sure why, but I’ve always felt that way. I have no internal (or external, for that matter) GPS. Maybe it’s as simple as being afraid of not getting things *right.* Plus I can’t give her a linear explanation of what’s happened since I saw her last and I don’t know what step(s) to take next, so I don’t want to show up, literally or figuratively. But I guess I’ll take my messy self and do it anyway.

Spiritually depressed, eating chocolate for breakfast, and I come across your blog. With many tears, thank you.

Yay! Sacred Scared! I’m in!!

Glendon, I am astounded by each and every post you send to my inbox! Your gifts with words and insight are from God and when you ‘show up’ and write, we see Him through you! I love having you eloquently express all the things I’m feeling! 🙂 Xoxo

“Maybe you don’t need to wait till you have it “all together” to follow your dreams and serve other people. I’m worried that if you wait ‘till you or your people are less messy to start showing up – you’ll never show up. Because life never, ever stops being messy. It’s messy the whole way through. And so I think we gotta show up in the middle of the mess.”

This made me cry. I try to show up as my authentic messy self. It’s hard though, so hard. Especially when those whose approval I desire don’t get it…don’t get ME.

Thank you, as always.

Showing up today, still in my pajamas aka Comfy Clothes, messiness and all. Love you, G.

I love your blog. But that quote you attribute to Rev John Watson is actually from Plato.

I needed this so much. I want to show up, messy. But in my gut, I have always hoped that showing up would fix me. That I could write the imperfect perfectly, and people would think only good of me and I’d be only brave and beautiful. That I could be vulnerable without really being broken.

But that’s not how it works. I have to show up and keep showing up. I have to believe that it’s okay to have dreams even when they don’t work out. I have to serve because I want to and not because I think it will fix me.

I really appreciated this post. As a marriage blogger, writer, and columnist I’ve spent the past bunch of years being really open about all my faults. I’ve wanted to share the mess with others so they don’t feel so alone. But this past Christmas I realized that in doing so — in being willing to show up and share and be vulnerable — it had some how become okay for everyone to discuss my faults and failings all the time. And it began to rub me the wrong way! I thought, “Yes, it’s true, I have faults, but why are you feeling the need to point them out constantly?” So I called a “time out.” An “I’m awesome” time out. I hope that while you continue to be open and honest, you also embrace all of the amazing things about yourself, G. It’s okay to share with the world all the ways that you rock!

I finally had to get real with people and be like, “Hey, I’m pretty awesome in some areas. Here are my strengths. You should be affirming the good stuff.” It’s been really empowering. So, thank you for the sacred scared. Thank you for sharing your mess. But please also know that you rock and there are a million things about you, your life, and journey that are TRUE and wonderful!

Years of parenting my special needs daughter who’s rages have turned violent… I’m a mess. Ready to crack. Thank you for the reminder that a cracked mess is ok. Jesus works best through us messy people.

I love this: “NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE’S DOING.” Because I feel – a lot of the time – like other wives/mothers/sisters/friends/women have it all together, and I don’t. Which always scares the hell out of me & makes me feel less than. A lot. (Even though, rationally, I know I’m not anything other than me.) Thank you for this reminder. We’re all just doing the best we can, & for me, today (when I’m potty training my angry toddler, stuck in from snow, missing my always-working husband, and dealing with an angry teething baby…it’s enough to show up & try yet again.). I needed this today, more than you know. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And God bless you, Glennon.

Right now I am hiding from my kids, taking a few moments of quiet….this the 700th snow day/delay. Really, I needed this. Especially since becoming a mom I struggle to show up in all our/my splendid glory and mess. Today I am giving in, man. The kids will watch more tv than usual, we will eat some junk, they will stay in pjs and I will refuse to orchestrate some sort of delightful experience for them. A lazy, messy memory of the day will be good for us all. When I show up and leave the perfect vision of what it all “should” be behind, we ALL benefit. Breathing……

I wait for perfect conditions. I don’t want to do that anymore. Thank you for the inspiration.

Love this. My husband John has been in the hospital over a month now with life threatening pancreatitis. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it all together. That’s my big fear. All my little cracks are going to make one big crack soon. I have to keep it together for my kids. I try to work all day go to the hospital on my lunch hour, go to hospital after work and still find any time with the kids. Please pray for this to be over soon. It’s a really crappy time right now pray I can get thought it and my husband survives and thrives.

I agree. G you motivate more than you realize. Many people, myself included at times, would do nothing if everything had to be perfect first. It’s why many never look to a saving faith of a higher power, never go get a degree that may get them a better job (not that all jobs need it, I know plenty of very talented people making more than I with way less education), but I think it’s all about the fear of the unknown and the fear of risk. We takes risks with what we wear, with whom we interact, and how we raise our kids. Why not be brave men (cause I know there are some who follow you) and women and accept that in the brutiful struggle that is life, we can grow into most awesome beings with lots to shar with and grow from being with others?

Don’t you love family? Only they will tell you the truth:). It hurts, but they keep us grounded. They also love us no matter what!!!

My sister and brother would have said the same thing. There are times we didn’t talk because I know what they said was true, but just didn’t want to hear it at the time. We always come back to family. It’s a safe haven.

You are lucky to have a good one.

Hello, Glennon ~ I started following you because I am a Montessorian and a life coach and you seemed like a great contact. But while following you over the past year or so, I have become awed by your sincerity, vulnerability and willingness to open yourself to others through your writing. I know they have touched me! “Carry On”! I wish you only the best. Andrea

I just about fell off my couch when reading about sister asking you, aren’t those all true. Wow. My response in reading things about myself I didn’t like would be to do anything I thought could prove them all wrong. There is so much freedom in acceptance. I’d like to say I’m ready to move on in life after reading that and just accept myself, but, riiiiggghhhttttt. It’s a process, but I already feel a new freedom.

That said, I am waiting on pins and needles to hear others’ stories of sacred scared because, you know, I am thinking, don’t get your hopes up Sarah, their sacred scared is nothing compared to you because you’re more flawed than the rest.

I sit back waiting for perfect to come over me like the Holy Ghost and after 41 years and reading this article…I now realize that isn’t going to happen. I need to be able to put down my mask…what I think people want to see in me. The thing is, my own face is what the creator gave to me to show up in. It’s cracked and screwed up; been ridden hard and yet totally beautiful. Scared as hell, but I’m going to show up today and take that dumb prosthetic off!

I just love your posts, G!!! They speak so deeply to my heart! I am messy and complicated as well. Thanks for inviting me!

I’m not even a mom. Just obsessed with the truth you share. Love you, G. This one rocked my life/heart/mind.

I can’t wait! You have inspired me to share my imperfections and in turn help others to embrace their own. I cannot thank you enough for your brave, kind, messy example.