Sometimes it feels to me like our national tradition in the face of tragedy is to sit around and watch people be interviewed and feel sad and helpless. We are not helpless, and sitting and feeling is not compassion. Compassion is not your pain in my heart- that’s pity. Compassion is your pain in my heart and back out through my hands. Let us – today- turn off the TV and use our pain to make some real living breathing peace in our own hearts, and then in our families and then in our communities. We should honor those lost by working. If we want Love Wins to be true, we must do the hard, holy work of making it so.
An essay about holy work- adapted for today.
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I’ve been trying to add more ritual to my life, just to remind myself that an ordinary day is something quite holy.
That certainly isn’t hard to remember today, though.
Last night, I set my alarm for 5:45 am. When my phone chirped, I stumbled out of bed and towards my life-giving coffee maker. Then I sat down on my tile floor, placed three pillar candles in front of me, and lit them one at a time.
The smallest candle is for the past. Please, God comfort all of those who have been victims or perpetrators of violence. So, comfort all of us. Help us forgive ourselves for hurting others and help us forgive others who have hurt us. Heal all of our broken, hard hearts.
The medium one is for the present. God, please snap us out of our apathy, busyness, and fear and show us how to ease the suffering of our brothers and sisters Now, Today.
The tall one is for the future. Help us begin to do things differently, God. Instead of sitting around and talking about war and peace- help those in charge do their job to make peace and help us go into our worlds and MAKE the peace we long for. Help us forgive ourselves and then our families and then our friends and then our neighbors and then, finally, our enemies. Help us reach out to someone in need today. Help us remember that everyone is in need, so we don’t need to waste too much time trying to find the right person. Help us remember to add: Make Peace to our daily to-do lists. Remind us to write Make Peace at the very top. Help us be gentle with ourselves and each other. When we mess up, when we aren’t gentle, help us forgive ourselves, say we’re sorry, and try again. Help us BE the change we want to see in the world. Help us BE that change privately and publicly. Help us be brave enough to talk about Peace Making with our children, so that over time, they will learn that What We Are Doing Down here is not climbing the corporate ladder, or collecting money and things we’ll just have to leave behind, or having important opinions and then spending a lifetime defending them. No- what we are Doing Down Here is Making Peace. That’s our work. That is everybody’s work. Help us teach the next generation that if they want to achieve greatness, they should do that in the arena of peacemaking. Help us make it on Earth as it is in heaven- Blessed are the peacemakers.
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I keep thinking about how we call these school shooters “monsters.” But the scarier thing to consider is that the Newtown shooter was a person. A person shot those children. A person like you and me, born as a bitty baby. When we don’t dismiss him as a monster and instead acknowledge that a real human being with a brain and heart and soul like ours was capable of that kind of evil – when we claim the perpetrators of violence as our own kind as readily as we claim the victims as our own kind -then it becomes trickier to look in the mirror.
Maya Angelou recently said, “I am human, so nothing human can be alien to me.” As I sat in front of my candles this morning, I thought about that. It’s a little too easy to consider those who succumb to great evil as alien to us. They’re not. Like us, that shooter was born as a clay pot full of fresh, fertile soil. Then a seed of fear and hate took root inside of him and grew and grew until huge trees of fear and hate crowded out all the potential for love and mercy. And his vision became completely obstructed. The trees of hate and fear were so big that he couldn’t see past the few feet in front of them. That’s how someone becomes a “monster” I think. Something is planted and then watered and the art of pruning is never taught.
It is terrifying to wonder if, circumstances being different, the same thing could have happened to me. We are all born as clay pots full of fertile soil. Ready to accept whatever is planted. That is the beauty and terror of being a child. Children are so vulnerable. They just have to watch as their family, friends, religions and culture plant whatever junky, poisonous seeds they want to plant. But when we become adults, things are different. We are still clay pots, still filled to the brim with fresh soil, thank God, but we have a heightened awareness now – we know now, that we are the pot – not the seeds – so we can monitor carefully what’s being planted inside of us by media and religion and our peers and our own health conditions and wild minds. With that heightened awareness comes heightened responsibility. We can, and must – scan ourselves daily for dangerous seeds taking root. We can, and must – yank them out, so they never grow too big. We must surround ourselves with people who are aware enough to notice dangerous seeds taking root inside of us and brave enough to point them out with love. We must choose friends who water the right seeds inside of us. And we must develop a daily practice of taking inventory of ourselves. We must learn to examine ourselves objectively- to see ourselves as not much more and not much less than clay pots. This is what I do during my quiet time. I search myself for seeds. And if I find a seed of fear or anger or hate or jealousy, I don’t judge myself for it – I just notice it. And then I pray to Whomever Is Listening to yank it the hell out. Even if it hurts, just yank it the hell out. Get it out.
If we don’t do this actively – if instead we are passive, and we allow the seeds of hate that are inside every single one of us to be watered and grow- then we cannot be too proud that at least we are not shooting people. We must be humble enough to consider that given enough time and water and space, we just might. I think this is why Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who nurses anger against his brother will be subject to judgment.” (Matt 5:21-22) Hm. Nurses. Like a nursery- where things grow. Inside. Because every war and every outward violent atrocity started very, very small. It started inside someone with a seed that was never yanked, and then became a tree that was never pruned. Everything inside manifests itself outside eventually. So if we have a tree of fear or hate inside of us, we have to start hacking at the branches. And if it’s still just a bush – than we have to start pruning. And if it’s still a little tiny seed then we have to yank it out, and plant something else, something life-giving, something that serves us and others, like love or compassion or forgiveness or patience or humor. This is why meditation and prayer and yoga and therapy are a lot like an emptying. Because these are sacred times when we look hard at the garden inside of ourselves and allow everything that is not worthy of occupying space in our sacred, precious, fertile human heart to be torn out at the roots. This is what Let There Be Peace on Earth and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME means, I think.
In honor of the precious lives lost last year– let us commit ourselves to taking a daily inventory. Let us refuse to water seeds of hate and fear inside of us. Let us ask Whomever Is Listening (and Someone Is, I am Sure Of It) to yank them out at the roots and replant something beautiful.
Let there be Peace on Earth and Let it Begin With Me. And You. And them.
Love,
G
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
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17 Comments
thank you, I needed this today. I am pruning and cutting back and re-seeding my pot. I’m planting gratitude and laughter and happiness and yanking out anger and resentment and hate. Thank you.
I just want to curl up inside Momastery and feel this loved and OK all the time. Keep on. Thanks G
Hi Glennon,
I just want to say hi and happy Christmas.
I thought that maybe you would like to know more about that phrase you quoted “I am human, so nothing human can be alien to me”. It is actually by the latin poet Terentius (in latin: Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto) and it appears in his comedy “Heautontimorùmenos”, written in 165 b.C.
A big hug by an italian girl fond of ancient poetry 🙂
What a wonderful re-examination of that song. Blessed are the peacemakers. We need more peace individually, in relationships, in the world. You just gave me a fresh focus as I prepare my heart to welcome the Prince of Peace this season and what that should mean. I will keep your wise words in my heart to ponder. Thank you.
Tears roll down my cheeks……beautiful post and perfectly stated!
As the “Fab Four” stated….”all you need is love”….The most powerful 4 letter word out there and unfortunately one that isn’t used enough.
Peace be with you and your family and all the families affected by tragedies we can not explain or understand.
Thank you for writing this. It’s something that I really, really need to hear. And to know that we are capable of believing.
My brother passed away last week, at the age of 35, after a long struggle with heroin and several extraordinarily painful illnesses. When we were kids together, he was one of those “monsters.” You could not be in the room with him without being afraid. He might laugh at you, punch you, humiliate you, trip you. But it would be something, every time. I hated and feared him in equal measures.
It was only a few years ago, both of us as adults, that I was able to really get to know him as a person. And find that what Longfellow wrote all those years ago, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility,” is startlingly true.
My brother lived every day of his life in pain. I didn’t see or understand his pain when we were kids, but looking back, it was there. He was an unloved, hurting child. He suffered more than I can come close to comprehending. The blessings I took for granted, a love of learning, supportive parents, caring friends, guidance from teachers, a peaceful disposition and a body that didn’t hurt…he never knew these.
My heart aches that it took me so long to really *see* him. So this morning I’m praying for the grace to see that hurting child in others. In the driver of the car that cut me off, in the criminal in the news, in a relative that cheated on his wife and put his family in jeopardy. Compassion can bridge that distance, even before we understand “why.”
You are a light in the darkness, G.
Sending you prayers of comfort.
That is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing that with us. I wish peace for you and your family.
I think you are right. Enough moping and talking! Do something!!!!
Love this post, Glennon. And the analogy of clay pots is wonderful. I often try to remind myself to ‘be the change you want to see in the world’ and I encourage the students I work with to do the same. Your writing is always a reminder to continue to do so.
Amen, Sister Spirit, Amen…..
Thank you for getting me out of myself today. When I saw the tagline for this essay, I knew it was about Newtown, and I decided to read it even though when it comes to that terribly sad event, I feel like I can’t totally relate because I’m not a mother. But as soon as I read “please God comfort the perpetrators and victims of violence, aka all of us…help us forgive ourselves…” my brain went click and I understood I could relate to that. Thank you for your kitchen floor rituals that feel right in your gut; they help you and the rest of bus make sense of life.
Glennon, I struggle to know how to respond to any of your writings, but especially to this one. The world is full of gifted writers, and you are definately one of them, but what you really are is a “Gifted Messenger”. It isnt just your ability to so eloquently express what you feel and see that is so amazing. It is “how deeply” you see and feel that always astounds me! You are wise beyond your years Glennon. You are here for a reason. I know it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. By encouraging us to search, think, and feel outside the box of our comfort zones you are helping us to become better people. Thank you for your words. Today and always.
Beautiful post
Thank you again Glennon for this powerful, far-reaching essay. Last year it was the very first thing that I read from you, thanks to a link offered by Rachel (Colorado). This is exactly how I felt at the time, and when confronted with (too many) similar tragedies.
Also, I believe that it is all related: being in peace with who we are at heart will help us feeling true compassion for others, and thus help spreading the peace.
In some languages there are no personal pronouns, only verbs. “Loving” and “understanding” take place between people, not in isolation. But each one of us has the power to make it happen – every day, with everyone.
Love and hugs to all our bruised, tender, vulnerable souls.
xo
I’ve always considered there might be something wrong with me that when these terrible things happen and I start praying, I pray for the “monsters” first. What is wrong with me? And I’m not certain those prayers are first or just all tied in with those that fell in the line of fire. I think to my self all that I have been through in my time here, all of the sick that goes with twenty years plus of addiction. I think of all the crazy that spins in my own war-zoned mind and I thank God that all that madness and hate and bullying I have done, I did to my self and did not throw it at those around me. Although I know I have hurt many others with my addictions in unintentional ways, I still hurt them. Some, I crushed. I didn’t have weapons in my hands but I held the hearts of many over the years and I hurt them. When I was heavily drenched in my addictions and depressions and hurt I could not see clearly the world around me. I half participated in my life, if I participated or was present at all. I made the choices I made and the same mistakes and messes over and over again because I didn’t trust or believe I could do better or that there was something more or better to help me through. And I made a lot of messes in my life. And I still struggle daily but now I’ve had time to see and know and trust and believe there are things like love and grace and forgiveness that ARE there and they are mine, too, if I “let” my self reach for them. Hind sight is 20/20. And only now do I see SO many “messages” that came from all of my mess. I don’t think that any prayer is ever wasted. Even when we aren’t praying for the specifics, I think God knows what our hearts are getting at. I know I tend to ramble when I leave a comment because I struggle to translate my heart and mind some times. I think when these things happen, I pray. Praying is powerful. But I also ask my self- what is this here to teach me? And what can I do now? I pray to find the “message in the mess” and do what I know is right. Sometimes, the mess is so big we can get lost in it. We lose ourselves trying to make it make sense. But that’s not our job. Because sometimes, it will never make sense. So I look for the message in the mess and try to do my part no matter how little it seems to be. Thanks for this “place”. I know LOVE WINS, now. I just needed someone to show me, to teach me. Someone who’d been there BBC the world is so big and it’s easy to feel so small and alone. Big love.
So beautiful, Glennon. Alas, I am not alone. So grateful for the gift that is you.