I have been bamboozled, hoodwinked, duped, swindled, and punked.
This morning we took Tish for blood tests. She was afraid and distraught. I told her many supportive parenty things like “honey, it’ll be over soon” and “sometimes we have to do things that hurt to keep us healthy,” and basically kept throwing around nurturing phrases like that as if I were some kind of heroic blood testy mother of the year. She was a warrior. We both shined, really.
This is the last picture taken of me smiling and might forevermore be.
After our appointment, we took Tish to school. On our way back home, Craig mentioned that we needed to stop at the store. Okay, I said. Craig parked, came around to my side, opened my car door and held my hand to help me out. Odd, I thought.
Then he walked me toward a door that said – DENTIST. I stopped walking and stared up at him. He stopped too and looked at my confused face. He cleared his nervous throat and said, “Honey- we have to go.”
I stopped cold on the sidewalk and tried to process what was happening. It took a second, but I figured it out.
“OH, NO. NO WAY. THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU TRICKED ME??? WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL? YOU CANNOT TRICK ME INTO GOING TO THE DENTIST!! I AM NOT FOUR YEARS OLD!”
Craig looked around at the folks now watching us and said, “I am not certain about that.”
And so I fumed and panicked and plotted an escape. I dropped to the concrete sidewalk and started rifling through my purse. I’d call Sister. Sister would help me. Yes, she lives in Virginia and I live in Florida but she would come. She would understand. She would save me. But- No PHONE.
I looked up and Craig said, “I took your phone, hon. It’s at home. And it won’t help to call Sister anyway. Sister WANTS you to have teeth. Everyone who loves you supports me in this. Think of all the things you said to Tish this morning. This is for your health. I have you here because I love you.”
And I thought – O to the M to the G. I AM HAVING A SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY MOMENT. AND CRAIG IS USING MY SUPER MOM SAYINGS AGAINST ME. BEING A GOOD MOM NEVER, EVER PAYS OFF – DAMMIT!! I KNOW THAT!! I KNOOOOOOW THAT ONE!! AND HE PLANNED ALL OF THIS. THIS IS A FREAKING DENTAL INTERVENTION. THAT IS WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. IT’S AN INTERVENTION.
And I looked from Craig to the DENTIST door and I thought- I know this drill. This is not my first intervention rodeo. This is dental rock bottom. I have hit dental rock bottom. And so now I must walk through that DENTIST door and subject myself to those health experts. I must ACCEPT HELP NOW or everyone who loves me will refuse to support me in my lifestyle of tooth neglect any longer. There is nowhere to run. My people are in on this.
And so I considered starting over with new people. New family, new husband, new Sister. I decided YES, that was the answer. But then I thought for a moment about SOBER DATING and I decided that SOBER DATING might be the only thing in the whole wide world worse than a dental ambush.
So I glowered at Craig and said, “I CANNOT BELIEVE you did not even give me time to put on my responsible green cardigan so I look like someone who definitely flosses but maybe just forgot last night. I cannot believe any of this.”
And then I bravely walked through the DENTIST door. The lady behind the counter smiled her dentisty smile at me and handed me some paperwork. Because at the dentist you must SIGN UP to be tortured. You must expressly and officially beg for it.
I sat down and glared at Craig and tried to kill him with my eye balls.
I filled out my paperwork and Craig kept taking pictures of me –likely to send to my family as they waited for Intervention news.
They called my name. I walked back slowly.
The hygienist looked over my desperate and unique questionnaire answers and said cheerily, “Well- why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel about the dentist! Ha- Ha! And – oh my goodness! It’s been over two years since your last appointment?! Why don’t you come more regularly? You know you’re supposed to come every six months, right?”
Now here’s the thing about the dentist. THEY ALWAYS DO THIS. THEY INSIST UPON ADDING SHAME TO FEAR AND THEN PAIN ON TOP OF SHAME ON TOP OF FEAR ON TOP OF HELPLESSNESS.
BRENE BROWN– GO TO THE DENTIST’S OFFICES, PLEASE. DO A WORKSHOP. TEACH THEM- ONCE AND FOR ALL- THAT DENTAL SHAMING IS UNHELPFUL.
I had no Brene with me- so I said something like the following:
“Yes. I do know that. I do know all the things I’m supposed to do. But the story of my life, ma’am, is that I don’t always, or even usually, do the things I’m supposed to do. I think my aversion to taking care of my teeth is best explained scripturally. Do you know this one?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
It’s from Romans. Yes. My dental life is like that. All of my life is like that.
It’s not my problem, you see. It’s BIBLICAL. God said it, not me. I just can’t seem to DO the dental things I’m supposed to do- but tragically I CAN manage to do lots of dental things I’m not supposed to do- like eat Twizzlers for breakfast and drink coffee all day and open everything from locked doors to tin cans with my teeth. And as you can see from the aforementioned scripture – none of this is my fault. It’s because of JESUS. Something about JESUS.
And one more thing. In a few minutes you are going to look at my teeth and gasp and then ask me why I don’t floss and if possible, I’d just like you to replay all of the sentences I just said in your head. I HAVE THE DESIRE TO DO WHAT IS GOOD BUT I CANNOT CARRY IT OUT. So- it’s because of the Bible and Jesus. I don’t floss because I’m a good Christian. It’s a spiritual thing. And I think there is some kind of law that protects me from having to do things if they are against my religion. I can’t tell you the law because my Sister is the one who knows about laws and I can’t call her because she is in on this dental intervention and actually is a big, big jerk. But just know that I KNOW there’s a law and I’m not afraid to use it if and when I can locate it.”
Intervention? Did you say intervention? she asked.
“Yes. Intervention. It’s okay. You don’t have to act confused. I know what’s happening here.”
She stared at me with wide eyes and asked me to lie back in the chair of doom and I said: “WAIT! One more thing. I am a writer.”
And she said, “Okay. What do you write about?
“DENTISTS, I said. I write about DENTISTS. I really do. All the time. And listen lady. THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE DRILL.”
I’m tired. I’ll tell you the rest of the story later. It got worse.
Love,
G
Author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller LOVE WARRIOR — ORDER HERE
Join the Momastery community on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram & Pinterest
236 Comments
Glennon, I know you wrote this a while back and this is probably not the post you get a lot of “you changed my life” comments on but that’s why I’m here. I read this and then the next day at work was the start of open season for signing up for insurance.So I’m not going to type all the details but I got the insurance and got work done that has literally been waiting a decade. (I got all the decay taken care of back then but never got the bridge and crowns I should have. I have had probably three hygienist visits in that ten years and like you said the shaming! so I quit going.) So now all those things are taken care of by a very nice and patient dentist who didn’t kick me out when I started crying because I was scared and I met an angel named Shannon who is now my hygienist and I really hope she doesn’t retire before I die or I’ll be back at square one. I even got the braces I’ve been waiting for my entire life. (While looking for this post to tell you my story, I see that Sister has braces. Tell her I think she’s really brave because grown up braces are really scary!) And I have to go to the dentist a lot now because Shannon wants to see me like 2 or 3 times a year and the orthodontist a lot because I have these VERY expensive things glued to my teeth that I don’t know how to take off by myself. So I have been reading this post a lot. Even though you were bamboozled you went, so I went. And now things are better. And so thank you.
Here I am in the midst of my own dental crisis, remembering last year when I read your dentalvention story and found a kindred spirit. However, I cannot find the “Part 2” of your dentalvention story. I need to know what happened next, please!
Glennon, thanks for sharing this. I went 17 years without visiting the dentist. Not out of shame, but more that I never thought about going to the dentist when I was near a phone or could make an appointment. I finally fell in love with someone who cared enough to get me to go… plus one of my wisdom teeth that had been drilled and filled finally decayed enough to crack and break. As a person who is “allergic” to needles, the worst part was facing the fact that I’d have needles stuck in my mouth. I had seven cavities plus a crown in that first series of appointments, a couple of crowns and a root canal later, I still don’t particularly like going to the dentist, but I floss daily and brush with an electronic brush and things are mostly better. Once I’m in the chair, I just let them do their thing and relax, and guess what? It’s not as bad as I think it’s going to be.
My lovely bride has anxiety disorder and hates having anybody in her face, so I know that however bad it might be for me, it’s worse for her. She can’t tolerate the novocaine with adrenaline, she always asks for it without, but there have been a few people who have thought they know better and I’ve had to sit in with her during an appointment. The other thing about my lovely bride is that she comes from a family with bad teeth, so it’s likely she’ll always have more work done than me; I’m from the half of my family with great teeth.
On the other hand, I had a flu shot and blood tests when I went to the doctor in December… but the doc has a good nurse and I had a great tech to pull the blood.
It’s perfectly ok to have the anxiety about the doctor or the dentist… just don’t let it get in the way of doing what you need to do. Thanks for sharing all that you do on your blogs and in your life. We need you!
I need to hear the rest of the story! Not only am a dental hygienist but I also used to work in ortho before and REALLY wish I had had you in my chair that day. I would have loved to have read that questionnaire You are NOT alone in dental fear. It makes me feel so good when a patient actually gains my trust and COMES BACK to see me six months later. Just remember it’s never as bad as what your mind creates in your head.
Xoxo
After reading this, the next time I went to the dentist with my daughter who hates dentist, I asked them to please not shame her. The hygenist looked at me like I had two heads when I said it but after I explained what I meant, she did what I asked. My daughter came out of the dentist happily for the first time ever.
Hi Glennon,
I’m so sorry you have dental phobia. It sucks. If you have a good dentist they should be trained to deal with dental anxiety. If you feel like your fears are not being address, switch dentists! There’s a lot you can do to assuage feelings of anxiety. These fears don’t necessarily go away, but the thing about teeth is that the more you ignore it the worse it gets. So… less going to the dentist, even more terrible procedures. Your post inspired me to write about dental phobia for my husband’s website (guess what, he’s a dentist).
http://macdentalcare.com/what-to-do-if-youre-afraid-of-the-dentist/
God speed,
Emily
Hi Glennon! I wish you could come to my dental office! I promise no dental shaming from me. I’m a dentist but spent several hours in the dental chair as a patient when I was younger and needed all kinds of work done. My dentist when I was a child was not very kind and I certainly can relate to the anxiety, pain, and fear people experience. Shaming a patient is ridiculous…that’s a great way to get them to never come back again. Sorry you had a bad experience! I hope you find an office that you feel comfortable with. There are lots of options when it comes to managing dental anxiety/phobia. Just remember, “we can do hard things!” 😉 xoxo. Loved your book!
DYING to hear what happened next…
O to the M to the G, you had me in tears in my office from laughing!! Love you G! PLEASE come to Oklahoma!!
I saw you on Friday night and hoped to get a preview into part 2. We are all still waiting to see and hear how it turned out…you looked unfazed from the fifth row so clearly you survived!
“O to the M to the G”, you just made my day!
As someone who has unbearable tooth pain and will need to buckle down and get it pulled and is TERRIFIED I really NEED the second part to this story. Something just tells me it’ll help me somehow.
G!!!
I’m a dental hygienist and I think you need to fly to Wisconsin to get your teeth cleaned by me. I promise no dental shaming with me!!! I guarentee you would love getting your teeth cleaned by me. Think about it:) HaHa!!!
G!!!!
You’re a LEFTY!! And is that a new hairdo you’re sporting? It looks FABULOUS! (and definitely part of a body that you have every right and every reason to LOVE!)
I want to see Craig’s thumbs up behind your smiling face… 😉
Glennon–You are very funny and brave. I loved your take on “dentalvention”, since my parents had five kids and forgot to take me to the dentist until I was 16.
I’m an RDH,in my experience a lot of pts really aren’t given good information, so I’m going to try my normal education on you: If you went every 6 mo your cleanings would not hurt, if you flossed daily ( or even every other day) you’d have less build up, your appointments would be shorter. Drink your coffee, and any other beverage that has sugar, through a straw, you’ll bypass some teeth, DO chew Ice Breakers Ice Cube gum, bc it has Xylitol.. Which the bacteria that “everyone” has in their mouth does not like it. You will have a cleaner mouth 😉 you can chew yummy flavored gum right? I HATE needles.. I have fillings on all of my top teeth except 5. I was like you, then I had a horrid experience and I knew.. My fault. Started going every 6 mo, entered into a Dental Htgiene program, learned a lot made even more personal changes and even tho I still hate needles I see them a lot less. Stick with an office who knows you, and you know them, you will start to trust them 🙂 the RDH you saw tried to make you more comfortable with humor. Here’s some more info: carbs break down to sugar and can also cause cavities :-/ think sticky foods other than candy. I still eat candy, have Starbucks have my carbs.. I just clean more. Good luck to you!
Oh, and if you have any questions, email me 🙂 If I don’t know the answer I’ll try to find it for you. I believe you can see our email addresses? Also there are offices that do sedated dentistry even for cleanings 🙂
I have a Dentist I have only been to once, lovely offices & Dentist too, a male as I don’t like Dental Nurses, but the Dental Assistant, I was sitting in the chair not properly though as only a quickie & I heard a noise behind me like tapping I nearly DIED & there was a man there I thought hey the Dentist never said anything, & seeing I only a 15 appointment didn’t even need to be there, but then I did have x rays, I thought he jolly rude dng that as if he thought the Dentist should hurry up a bit, he came to the waiting room too, & I thought if that’s my Dentist NO WAY, I am out of here after I say hello! Should I say something to him or not as he knows I don’t like woman Dentists as they held me down when little but I don’t really want to be lying down in chair with him in room by himself either, one of my friends said & we both woman that he just stares @ her all the time, too scared to have IV either in case he does something to me! I have got a relaxant from Dr for muscle pains in arm, helps relax too, may take this, please help me, nervous as, have to see him again in 3 weeks
I hate to disagree, but I do go to the dentist ever six months and it always hurts to have my teeth cleaned. It doesn’t matter who the hygienist is, plus I always have them give me the gas (yes, just for a routine cleaning), and it STILL hurts. I’d rather go to my annual OB/GYN appointment weekly than go to the dentist once a year. However, I do go every six months like I’m supposed to because I know it will be even worse if I don’t. It’s just terrible, though, and I wish they would just knock me out, but when I’ve mentioned that, they just laugh and change the topic of conversation. Maybe I need to find one who will!
I used this post and following comments to give myself the courage to call and make my own overdue dentist appt. Thanks for making me see how common this fear is, I don’t feel ashamed about it anymore!
Don’t forget dentists have feelings too.
Right there with you. WHY is there so much SHAME associated with the dentist?!?! Treat my teeth, take my money and be GRATEFUL I don’t take better care of my teeth so now you get more money from me. *sigh*
You spoke right to me on facebook in response to my comment, so it renewed my cyber stalking of your Facebook self and I decided to read this blog post that I skipped past the other day because that’s the mood I’ve been in…blog stalking overload. I just needed a break from everyone’s thoughts and opinions. Which is funny because this week I FINALLY went to the dentist after 5 years on Tuesday and put “once in a blue moon” under the “times you floss” line. I had to have my back molar extracted today…and when the dentist told me that news on Tuesday he said “I won’t lecture you”…& I said “good, cause I’m 43 and my mom still does”. NOW I realize someone in that office must have shared your blog and he read it too. There’s no other explanation. Big love my friend;)
I am way overdue for a cleaning and it is because I have major dental anxiety!!! My husband is constantly nagging me and threatening that he will just make the appointment for me. I hope he never sees this entry because this is exactly something he would try!
On another note, you are speaking at my church tomorrow night and I can’t wait!!! I have laughed and cried reading your book and have read many parts of it to my husband. I couldn’t help noticing in the photo that you wrote on your hand, 4 pm Rev. Wade, it made me smile because she is the reason you are coming to Lexington!!!
I just laughed so freaking hard! Like, belly laughed! Thank you, G! It’s been so long since I’ve belly laughed. Actually the last time was here in Pasadena at the All Saints Church where YOU spoke. : )
I’ve been too busy just showing up while processing my “News” that I haven’t done much laughing.
So thank you. Thank you for quoting Bible scripture to your hygienist. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for making me laugh (again)!
Namaste, my friend.
Hmmm, I wonder if the perception of shaming could be related to the receivers own state of mind.
“Your gums are red, you probably need to floss more” does not sound like shaming to me. It sounds like stating a fact about your gums, and suggesting a way to prevent this from continuing.
I actually appreciate it when my hygienist is honest with me about what she is seeing. I thank her for the info and we both move on.
What would be a more respectful way to pass this important info on to you?
Oh come ON! Lighten up! Can’t you understand sarcasm in text?? She’s a WRITER- she makes things FUN to read. Chill out. And anyway, you’re shaming her for having an opinion! Geez.
Love this post … somebody GETS ME! Not only is pain and suffering the enemy, SO IS THE COST! Sooooo expensive to do something you DON’T WANT TO DO!!!!
I knew you were a ‘kindred spirit’! I hope and pray my husband NEVER does this to me! I haven’t been to the dentist since my parents had authority over me 🙂 I am just hoping for some awesome dental implants one day in the future…..it’s totally worth it to avoid the dreaded dental shame for the next 20 years.
I am a dentist and while in school found out that “fear of being shamed was always in the GOP ten fears of the dentist! Shame?? Why would anyone use shame to motivate people?? There for it is never allowed in my office! We typically say that we can’t do anything about the past however, its great you are back seeking dental care so let’s move forward and make sure that there is no new sources of dental problems! If someone used shame on me, at my age, I would walk out! It should never happen! Dr Paul
Top ten…..darn predictive spelling programs 🙂
Ha! Thanks for clearing that up! I was wondering what the Republicans had to do with dental fears! : )
I was wondering what those crazy Republican kids had to do with it too. LOL We don’t shame in our office, but we do let them know (there are a lot of ignorant people.. literally) how they got to this point. They really don’t know sipping on Mt. Dew can cause so many problems.
Dr. Paul, where do you practice? I’ll travel to come see you. Seriously.
Not to ignore the severity/hilarity of your dentalvention, but G, are you left-handed?! I knew I loved you.
Bwahahahaaaaaa! It’s all because of Jesus!
I’m sorry you were tortured at the dentist, but glad for the giggles I got out of it. 😉
I hate the dentist, too!!! In fact, I have two voicemails on my phone right now from the secretary from my dentist’s office trying to get me to reschedule my last missed appointment.
I hope the visit wasn’t too painful. Can’t wait to hear part 2.
On a side note, did you cut your hair??? I love it short!
I am so glad to see I am not alone with the dental anxiety! I just recently went to the Dentist after quite a few years (I honestly don’t know how many). I do try to take care of my teeth, but somehow that never gets mentioned when you finally go. I worry for days when I take my kids to the dentist because they make me feel like a bad Mom when my children’s teeth aren’t perfect. I do insist that they brush, however that is much easier with the little ones. The teenagers are kind of on their own. I’ve decided it would be a bad idea to hold them down and brush for them! 🙂 Just reading this post help me to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!
Just a thought, if anyone knows of a great non shaming dentist around Knoxville, Tn, Please help a sister out and let me know!!!
Eek. Now I feel guilty about not going to the dentist in over a year, or flossing regularly….maybe I should bite the bullet (because that’s exactly what you have to do) and just go. We can do hard things, right?!! RIGHT?????????????
Back up…you husband made the appointment and took you?…that is one terrific husband in my book. You are a blessed woman.
You have the wackiest life!!!!! 😀
And I am SO WITH YOU on the dental shaming thing. And vets are the same way.
Oh Glennon! I am a dentist (periodontist, actually, so I see the people who have REALLY bad gums and have not flossed since 1992) and I learned long ago NOT to shame people. I just tell them I am glad they are here now. Can’t wait to read the rest of your saga!
I used to see a periodontist regularly. And there’s always shaming. ALWAYS! I DO brush twice daily and floss every day. But my it’s still a mess. And now I haven’t gone in two years, when I know I really should. God, why do most dentists have the chair-side manner of…a really judgmental Darth Vader? Do they think that they’re shaming me into coming back? Because if anything, it just makes me never, ever want to come back. And it’s a vicious cycle, because the longer I don’t go, the more I don’t want to go back at all. Do they teach ANYTHING about interacting with patients in dental school or residency?
OMG. “A really judgmental Darth Vader.” Nearly spit out my coffee. Perfection.
They do teach it. I think a lot of Dental professionals get tired. Sometimes Beth even though you are flossing really well and brushing you may need to tweak something. Are you using flossers or are you using actual floss? Are you making sure you make a C shape when you floss each tooth surface, if you are not you might not be going below the gum line. They should have told you this though, and sometimes it has to do with a person’s immune system and how it reacts to the bacterias that cause Periodontal disease and gingivitis. Find someone else to go to! But please do go back.. Perio is a bad Mama! It can cause so many other issues in the body.. “The Mouth is the Gateway to the Rest of Your Body!” true statement 😉
Thank you for making me laugh and smile and feel not so alone about my HATE of the dentist. Oh wow, did you NAIL IT, they shame you… this is why I don’t like going… I don’t need to PAY to have pain and shame… Thank you for sharing your words!!
How weird is it that I just read the chapter in “Carry On, Warrior” last night about your deep love and affinity for flossing and all things DENTIST?! And as I read along I thought, “Man, I need to floss…just reading this makes my teeth feel furry.” Except they WERE furry because I’m the inconsistent dental patient and the whenever I feel like it flosser, not just because I got the willies from reading about your teeth sweaters 🙂 Floss-ON, sister! We shall overcome 😉
Glennon,
I feel your pain. I waited 5 years after moving to Virginia to find a Dentist. Fortunately, she is a cool Dentist and didn’t shame me.
Next time tell US in advance! We will send you messages until you go, AND we will online while you are at it cheering, sending YOU love, courage and mental killer telepahty to the dentist, his assistant, and everyone in your path to have them treat you RIGHT!
AHHH, SO TRUE about the shaming! I ALWAYS feel shrunken and shriveled up inside after they berate me for the state of my teeth (and I TRY! I try SO DANG HARD! They just seem to keep getting worse no matter how well I treat them!) And I just got my husband to start going to the dentist for the first time in 10 years, and you know what happened at a consult TODAY (perfect timing!) about his wisdom teeth? He walked out. They tried so hard to shame him that, instead of feeling he ashamed, he felt ANGRY! And now I have to try to find another dentist because he really does need to have work done before things get worse 🙁 But why has the dental profession as a whole not found a kinder way to teach people how to care for their teeth? They seem to be scaring people away instead . . .
wow… your girls look just like you in the photo….
Hey – have your wonderful and loving husband wonderfully and lovingly look for a dentist who specializes in dental anxiety. I found one for my husband and we go every year, no worries. He’s only 2 hours away and it’s worth EVERY EXTRA FREAKING PENNY . He has prescribed a sedative to be administered 12 hours before the appointment. Then when we arrive, we are greeted by caring and concerned people who understand the ABSOLUTE TERROR my husband experiences. There is no shaming, no guilt, no stupid platitudes. They carefully steer him to a comfy dental chair, stick a needle in his arm and he goes to sleep in 3 seconds. They do all the work, then they wake him up. IT’S AWESOME! It has helped my dear husband immensely and he has a beautiful smile – now. Think about it. Love you like a valium mister…
Ok seriously Judy? Where are you cuz this lady needs that sorta treatment STAT!
I love your hair! It looks so beautiful! On another note, you make me laugh so hard- your writing is perfection. Thank you for making my day with this post.
Bless your heart!! I’m proud of you for walking in! See, you really CAN do hard things. I hear you on the shaming. They do it to everyone. I actually do brush AND floss every single day. I’m obsessive about it. I got the hygienist from hell, who was really rough with the floss. My gums were throbbing and inflamed! And the dentist had the nerve to say, “Your gums are really red; you need to brush better.” O_O
Yes to the dental shaming! I was JUST thinking about this today since I had a call from my dentist’s office to reschedule an appt. I cancelled. After I had my son I didn’t make it back to the dentist for over a year. But the hygienist didn’t want to hear that I had an infant and was overwhelmed and couldn’t possibly take on one more thing in my life… She was too busy judging me “waiting too long between vists”.
From reading other posts, sounds like so many people experience this too! As a teacher, I would never say to a parent, “oh you haven’t practiced letters and sounds all week at home? You know you REALLY should do that. It’s better for your child.” (Insert judgy tone here).
So fine, I will re schedule tomorrow. But I better get a different hygienist.
That happened to me too! Except that I HAD an appointment scheduled, and when I dragged my 8 month’s pregnant body up two flights of stairs to get there, it turns out they not only had no record of my appointment, but they had a hygienist call in sick so they couldn’t squeeze me in. I got a toothbrush as an apology, and they tried to convince me to come in at their next available appointment, which was a few days before my due date (my doctor didn’t even think I’d stay pregnant that long, which meant I’d have a BRAND new baby! Who has time for a dentist when you’re newly postpartum??) They were pretty upset at my decision to wait until things calmed down to make a new appointment.
Oh my gosh you guys! I too have my own story of dental fears and horrors, but I’ve never registered UNTIL TODAY, reading all your comments, that it’s “dental shame” at the root of most of it. Thank you guys for putting a term to my previously ‘irrational’ fear of the dentist!!!!
Maybe now it has a name, I can conquer it???
Doubtful – but thanks! {{{shuddering just at the thought of it all}}}
I’d love to trade places with you. I’ve never had a problem with the dentist-when I was a kid, the dentist went out to the waiting room to bring my mother in, saying, “Mrs. Johanson, you have to see this.” Then he led her to the room where I was sleeping in the chair, pushed open my mouth, and went back to work.
But I haven’t been to the dentist now for at least four years, except once when I went to a poor-folks clinic because I was getting a lot of pain, which has since gone away for a while. It will be back, because he told me why it happened: I have BONE LOSS, which has exposed the space under some of my teeth, and where germs, etc. can collect and work uninterrupted on damaging my teeth. Fixing it would require bone grafts, which I can certainly not afford-I can’t even afford a cleaning. Insurance is out of reach, too, and is curiously unhelpful, when it comes to dental problems. The insurance industry has somehow gotten away with treating oral problems as somehow smaller and less important than the rest of the body’s potential issues.
My point: just like car problems, home repairs, etc., health problems don’t get better on their own. If you don’t take care of your teeth, YOU WILL LOSE THEM. And you won’t be glad when that happens. I’ve already started, and I don’t enjoy the bit of ‘character’ my visage has gained via the space where a tooth once was, that can be seen when I smile. These problems only will get worse, and MORE expensive, and MORE damaging with time.
I know you already know all this. I know you aren’t stupid. I know your fears are common, and that they are not (entirely) irrational. What I’m telling you to try to remember is that you should be far more afraid of the alternative.
First, I want to say I just laughed really hard! Congratulations for making it through the door! As a dental hygienist I know many people can’t make it that far. Second, I’d just like to say that many of these comments are very enlightening for me. When you work in a field like this and become emersed in the provider side of treatment it’s easy to ignore or forget how our attempts to “educate” our patients can come across as condesending and shaming. Clearly this is an issue for a lot of people! Thank you for being vulnerable and open about your fears! It makes me want to be a more compassionate and encouraging dental professional and human being.
In any case, know that this is a wonderful step towards taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy –for yourself and your family. Today is a new day!
I went 8 years without seeing the dentist due to my obscene fear of them. I had a filling fall out and made myself go. I decided on a children’s dentist although I’m 35. They gave me laughing gas, which did not help and talked to me like I was five, which did help. During my first few visits there were tears, nausea and ample amounts of snot coming from my nose. I was so utterly embarrassed by the way I felt in that chair. It’s been 2 years and multiple visits later and I still hate it. It is easier than before but not easy. I still feel sick before my appointments. I won’t call and schedule one because I can’t get the courage to pick up the phone to do it. They know that there and always make sure to schedule my next appointment before I leave. I went today and had a crown done. My reward is a long hair appointment tomorrow.
My husband doesn’t have many “rules” but his wife having teeth is one of them.
To that end, he actually drove me and sat directly next to me as I saw a dentist expressly picked out for me and specifically equipped to deal with me as a fearful patient–at the consult–not even the real deal appointment, I ran crying from the doctor’s little conference room–not even the actual office. I am sedated both pharmaceutically and with gas and I cry every single time I go there and I have thrown up nearly every other time I go there. But, I have teeth! And they are beautiful and I am so proud of myself. You will be, too.
xoxo D
You can do hard things!
I agree wholeheartedly about the shaming in dental practices. My previous dentist took a shotgun to my self-esteem yet he was approximately 200 lbs overweight and carried a gigantic Big Gulp cup from his office to the exam room every time. Who is he to judge me? I am going to go to a new office and it’s on “my list” to make the appt but I keep putting it off, largely because of the shame. A change needs to be made on both the patients and dentists parts. Thanks for posting this!
G… I hit the ‘like’ button, because there is no ‘LAUGHED SO HARD I PEED MY PANTS’ button….my dreaded dental visit is in 5 days…I plan to start flossing now and FOOL THEM ALL….lol…you never know I might catch them on an off day…LOL!
Can’t wait for part 2 of the Dental Intervention!
My dentist gives me nitrous the minute I sit down in the chair, even if I’m there for *just* a cleaning. Let me know if you want contact info!
Thank you for this. I’m so glad about the being tired and need to finish the story later. That’s exactly how it feels.
Also, I have not been to the dentist in almost 10 years.
Totally off topic but did you get your nose pierced? I something shiny on the side of your nose when Craig took your picture in the waiting room. I love it.
I didn’t go to the dentist for 20, yes 20, years. I FINALLY caved and went in January, basically because half of my tooth was gone. Needless to say I had MANY follow up appointments. I am caught up – for now. I do plan to go regularly now, because I found a GREAT dentist office. However, I still don’t floss (bad, I know) unless something is stuck in my teeth and I can’t get it out by any other method. Rock on sista, ya did better than me by 18 years. 🙂
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. Going to the dentist sucks. And its not only the pain it truly is the shame. Why do they have to make you feel so bad about it???? I dread going and put it off because of the shame. Seriously. Brene Brown needs to do a nation wide dental intervention pronto!
I’m overdue for a dentist appointment. As somebody with dental benefits, I should not be neglecting this. Thank you for the post G, I will make the dreadful, shameful, tearful appointment tomorrow. 🙁
If you aren’t using your dental benefits, I’ll take them!
No way. How patronizing. I don’t much about your relationship with your spouse, but if my spouse did this to me, we would possibly not be married afterwards. That kind of “intervention” is such a betrayal, and not in a funny or good or just-trying-to-help way. But in a real betrayal way. I am so sorry.
You do realize that Glennon…um…embellishes…just a tad…occasionally?
I disagre, Liz. Why is a medical intervention a betrayal? If my spouse was neglecting his health (oral health, in this case), I’d do everything in my power to help him get back on track.
I so feel your pain, or rather panic! I have passed out, thrown up , cried, hyperventilated and shook from head to toe in the dentists chair! I always think I’m gonna be fine Til my bottom hits the chair and then it’s on. If it makes you feel any better It has gotten easier these last few years. But I am 40. So you would Think I could conquer a few fears by now:) good luck with yours
Oh how I relate to this post – while chewing a piece of gum last week a tooth FELL OUT. I had to do the dental walk of shame to be told I should come more often, handle things in a timely fashion and none of this would happen…NO SHIT!! I too thought Brene Brown needs to get hold of these dental terrorists. The worst part is they then cheerily said if I could come back for two 2 hour visits and pay them $2000 they could fix this issue, but then we needed to deal with all the OTHER dental issues. I scheduled out of shame but know I will lose the nerve and lack the funding. Burying my toothless head in the sand. I would sue Craig for pain and suffering.
Oh G, you are so brave that you walked through that door!!! I hadn’t been to the dentist for about 10 years, and my teeth were literally falling out of my head – I would NEVER, repeat NEVER attempt to open anything let alone bite my cuitcles for fear of my teeth breaking off and falling out. So, FINALLY after 4 years of keeping this deep dark secret of my missing teeth, excruciating pain and MUCH NEEDED dental work from my boyfriend (and father of my children) broke the news that I have almost no teeth (thank god the front of my mouth is somewhat in tact, to give the appearance that I have a almost half-way decent smile) and would be getting VERY sick from infection soon. I started getting teeth pulled on 12/31 last year, and continued to get some work done this year. I still have a TON of work needed, and more than half a mouth of missing teeth (thank god again, have all my front ones) need dentures and deep cleaning and so forth, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER now that I have started the process. I wish I could finish it all in one year, but being pennieless and toothless go hand in hand 😉 Congratulations though, on taking such a HUGE step, even though you were interventioned into it… it is so worth it in the long run. And yes, my kids brush regularly and will go to the dentist regularly because I DO NOT want them to have the same fears that I do. Much love to you… xoxo
amen
I will do the same for my children. Dental shame is a horrible feeling. I will support them, and encourage them, and praise them, and make the dentist an un-scary thing. We might be a little screwed up, but I’ll be damned if they will be. Here’s to our babies having beautiful healthy teeth and no fear 😉
So. Well. said!!!!
AMEN sister!!! I might be a LOT screwed up, but I won’t let them be either…. bless you!