A Momastory today from Chrissy . . . a mama who is blowing minds and opening hearts.
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I’m awesome at failure and adversity. I’ve learned the skills to feel at home there, because I had to.
I feel the blow, I assess the situation, I curse, I cry, I attend my own little pity-themed party… and then I pick myself up and breathe life into the wreckage. I analyze. I learn from it, and then I become a sponge for perspective – turning over every single rock looking for inspiration…
I’ve even gotten inspiration from Yoda…
You must unlearn what you have learned.
You will find only what you bring in.
Try not. Do or do not… There is no try.
However, I am absolutely petrified of success. I’m more afraid of success than I am of failure. I’m afraid of sucking. I’m afraid of doing the wrong thing. I’m afraid of letting you down. I’m afraid of letting me down. I’m tightly wound and often unforgiving of my own shortcomings…I’m working on it, Friend…
When Glennon asked me to do a guest post on Momastery my initial thought was ABSOLUTELY NOT– even though earlier that day I would have thought it to be a dream come true. I could think of 1,000 reasons why it was a terrible idea. . . and then suddenly there were tears in my eyes because I thought of 2 reasons why I could and would write a post…
These are my boys… Greyson and Parker. I’m positive they came to Earth to teach me about Life…I’m also positive I am meant to share these lessons with others.
Almost 2 year ago we realized my now 4-year-old son Greyson had Autism- which we prefer to call Super Powers. When I first realized it was autism, a part of me died. I couldn’t stop it or stay up all night to fix it and I didn’t know what to do or where to begin. I was so scared. I was so angry. I was so inexplicably, unbearably sad.
I had irrational thoughts. I remember thinking- I wish Greyson had cancer, then there would at least be the possibility that it could go away. Some days I wanted to die – I wouldn’t have killed myself- I just secretly wished that maybe a truck would hit me and make my constant thinking and heart pain go away. I wanted to lie in bed all day and cry- but I had Grey and a 4-month old baby named Parker to take care of and unfortunately had no family around to help. So every day I got up and I got out of bed and I breathed in and out all day long… and it was unbearable.
I scoured the Internet for words that would tell me that Greyson was going to be okay- and equally as important- that I was going to be okay too. I was afraid I was never going to laugh again. I would Google late at night until my eyes burned and everything I read left me with a sickening and thick fear in my stomach about the new world I was entering. I read that I was the only one that would advocate for my son. I read that my marriage would suffer and we would go broke from the expenses. I read that the world is ignorant about autism – that my life would be filled with therapy and struggle.
And now I can tell you that some of those things are true some of the time. But more importantly I can say that this journey has reinforced my belief that people are good and willing to help. The world is filled with sisters and friends eager to lend an ear or a hand. I’ve worked with many teachers and professionals willing to advocate on our behalf. I can honestly say amidst the raw and sad- I have also never felt so alive. So purposeful. And I’ve realized it’s not the circumstances that kill us- it is the sad. And my heart aches for the people who are walking around already dead from the sad. Waking up every day and going through motions and calling it Life. If you survive the circumstances…don’t let the sad get you.
And after I mourned the typical Greyson that never existed in the first place, I realized it was up to me to write our families life. Our pages were blank and I was going to fill them with kindness and goodness and hard work and love. There are moments when I feel sad, when I feel scared that I am not doing it right, moments I feel not enough, moments when I am tired and I just want to give up- but those are only moments…they are not forevers.
It’s funny- the life I mourned when I realized Greyson was on the Spectrum…The one where he was social and popular, he was the Captain of the football team, a straight A student- Guess what? I was none of those things for my parents, and they still loved me, they still gave me a great life and they still got the chance to brag about me to their friends.
And one day along our journey my hands stopped constantly shaking…I stopped putting the juice in my purse and my iphone in the fridge; previously unable to concentrate with a heart so devastated…I stopped bursting into tears anytime I thought about our future…And although I didn’t know what to expect, I just knew with an honest certainty that we were going to be okay.
And what an outrageous, remarkable, painful, eye opening- and most of all beautiful two years it has been. Glennon would call them brutiful, and she would be right. And since the realization that Greyson was autistic, we have also realized that my now 2 year old son Parker, has Super Powers too…
Being a human is hard. Being a human responsible for other little tiny humans is crazy hard. Whether your children are typical (the opposite of autistic) or autistic- it’s a hard gig. Like you- we have some really amazing moments and some really difficult ones. I don’t put a lot of focus on the what ifs of our future. I just focus on the moments. I’m realizing life is made up of moments… simple moments… moments strung together. Happy, silly, sad, hard beautiful moments… MOMents… It’s no surprise to me that the word Mom is snuck in there.
My memory is horrible- but when I was 18 I can still vividly recall getting my first pair of contact lenses. I remember walking out of the doctor’s office with contacts in my eyes for the very first time. And I could see… I could see trees…like really see them- the texture of the bark- the individual leaves- the highlights and shadows and varying shades of green. It was so beautiful and I was in absolute awe…I couldn’t believe that the tree’s crystal clear beauty had been there all along and this was the first I was able to recognize it… Sure the contacts were hard to get used to…yes, they were dry and scratchy…they were certainly hard to put in and cost money… But I didn’t focus on that. I didn’t care about that– because for the first time I could finally see…
And that is how I feel about the presence of autism in my life. Don’t get me wrong- I would take it away from my boys in a second. But I can’t. Yes, it’s hard, yes it sucks, it’s expensive and time consuming and all of those things that people say about it…but for the first time I can finally see, and my eyes are filled with so much beauty that it sometimes overflows onto my cheeks…I can finally see things that have been there all along. Beauty I didn’t always notice before.
I refuse to waste my entire life on sad because of stupid autism.The best thing I can do for my boys is to give them the gift of a happy me. A really and truly authentically happy me. Andy Warhol said it well..Why do people spend their time being sad, when they could be happy? Is it really that simple I wonder? Sometimes, I think it is.
I can’t change the fact that my sons have autism- but I can change the world. I’ve got a fire in my soul to share awareness about autism. What it looks like and feels like and sounds like for us… The more people know –the better life will be for my sons and for everyone who is different and struggles to be accepted.
I love my boys with all my heart. They are the greatest love story ever written, the sharpest love I have ever felt. They taught me that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved just the way I am. They taught me that the smartest and the fastest and the most popular and perfect is all just a mirage. They showed me that unconditional love means just that- without conditions… in the absence of perfection. Unconditional love means not allowing myself to think- if only they didn’t, even for one second.
Neither one of my boys can talk. I long for the day that they call for me over and over again until I want to rip out my hair… Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom mommommommommommommmmmm!!!!!!!
So much love,
Chrissy
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Chrissy is brave, honest, real and insightful. She never gives up. She’s often scared, but has realized that you have to be scared to be brave. She loves so big that it sometimes hurts. She loves anyway because she believes the most beautiful of things are born from pain.
Chrissy is changing the world, two eyes at a time. She writes a heart-warming blog (www.lifewithgreyson.blogspot.
She retail shops and runs to fix the small things, and talks to God and writes to fix the big ones.
She lives in California with her husband, Michael and sons Greyson and Parker. She loves you just the way you are, and is working to love herself in that exact same way.
You can connect with her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/


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And after this post Not Your “Typical Mom” – A Guest Post from Chrissy – Momastery
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Thanks for sharing your story Chrissy. You are so brave.
I recently watched this Ted Lecture (sent from my sister-in-law who’s child has a rare genetic disorder called Cornelia De Lang Syndrome). I found it so moving, and helpful in framing and understanding difference. What I loved was the idea that people who have a difference are who they are BECAUSE of that difference. If they didn’t have autism, were straight, or weren’t deaf then part of their identity would be gone.
I don’t have a child who has a major difference so I don’t totally relate to what you and others are going through, but I want to say that other monkees are caring about you and sharing resources even if we haven’t been there ourselves.
WARNING: he does say one seemingly scary thing about genetic testing in pregnancy but if you read the transcripts closely he is not condoning it – just mentioning it.
http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_love_no_matter_what.html
Carry on Warriors!
Thank you so much for sharing, I have a son who has autism. He has taught me so much and continues to do so everyday. I wish the best for your family. Also if you haven’t read Love Anthony by Lisa Genova I highly recommend it. It’s a fictional book but hit me to the core. Genova did a great job writing about autism, it was wonderful.
All the best~
What an absolutely beautiful piece! Thank you so much for writing and inspiring me to see the world through different lenses.
Xo
Another member of the club here. There are so many things I want to say about the journey so far, but instead I’ll say, the second I looked at the photo of your gorgeous sons I was struck by how much their eyes remind me of my own spirited superhero with ASD. So many kids on the spectrum have these beautiful, big, wide piercing eyes that seem like to look right into your soul.
That is the most beautiful essay….I will pass it on to all of my teacher friends. Thank you!
It is like you are in my head. This is me with my 3 who have super powers. I have re-read 3 times and still cry each time. Thank you for touching my heart and soul. <3
Beautiful post- thankyou:)
This story is my story too
Xx
[…] me crazy to wake up to her calling for me. Then the other day I read this quote in a guest post on momastery.com by a Momma with two kids who have autism. Neither one of my boys can talk. I long for the day that […]
This so resonates with me, as it obviously has with so many others. I am not quite where you are yet and find myself in a perm-pity-party that I know needs to end immediately, but I just can’t get those last lingering guests to leave, you know those constant comparisons to friends’ families, the why-can’t-we-go-on-a-trip-somewhere-without-15,000 autistic-meltdowns, the constant worry about the future, etc. And on the rare days that I think I’ve got this, that this won’t end me, that this pain that I feel every single day will one day lift enough to allow some genuine joy to creep in, I am then faced with worries over how having 2 special needs brothers is impacting our daughter, who is growing up in a very unique and difficult situation. I have a 7 year old son with Autism and had a preemie in December 2011 who is now in early intervention and is EXACTLY like my older son was when he was a baby. When you get a diagnosis for one child, it is generally devastating, but two? For me the thought of it was almost dulling, numbing, not even real. I don’t think my husband and I spoke it even in the face of developmental assessments and doctors’ appointments, even though we had been through it before and we both knew that we are probably going to hear the words again, ironically, we just couldn’t speak it (and I have never NOT spoken about something.) It’s kind of like it takes everything just for us to absorb this information ourselves and somehow saying it aloud gives it credence or license to exist. Stupid and weirdly superstitious I know, but pain has a way of making you develop odd coping skills even if one of those skills enables you to cope via avoidance.
And, I love the bravery about the comparison to cancer. It is a shocking thing for others to hear/read, and it’s shocking for us to say, but while of course I would never wish for cancer for my children, it is a disease with a standard of treatment that is straightforward and there is generally a course of action that you follow immediately upon receiving the diagnosis. Autism is a mystery, a puzzle, a source of controversy amongst medical professionals and parents alike. There is so much judgment, criticism, cynicism and unknown about treatment, therapies, and interventions. The information is often dizzyingly contrary and we are on our own to decide what to do. When a child has cancer people rally, friends bring you dinner, neighbors mow your lawn, and rightfully so! However, Autism is lifelong and since it isn’t a terminal disease nor can you see or perceive it in many cases, people largely either underestimate the affects it has on families, or in some cases distance themselves from you and what’s super disheartening is that I get that. I feel like sometimes when I talk to friends I have nothing positive to say. After a particularly distressing weekend or a failed attempt at a family outing I sometimes can’t force one happy word. I mean, who would want to call me and listen to that? I’ve turned into a real Debbie Downer a lot of the time, which is pretty paradoxical to the girl my friends from college knew who would have loved to be a standup comedian or a cast member on SNL!
Also, with a better understood disease you have more tangible symptoms that you can explain to people: my child vomited from his/her medication, or he/she is having surgery to have X, Y or Z fixed. With Autism you could find yourself telling someone, “well, he closes one eye when out in the sun and he can’t walk along a railing or long wall without running a hand along it with one eye open,” or “she can only eat food that is yellow or green and she repeats the second-to-last word in every sentence under her breath after you say it.” The manifestations of Autism are often arbitrary and carry such a stigma, and often they are erroneously determined to be things that can be helped or switched off as if the child just needs proper discipline or training. It’s enough to make ASD parents keep to themselves and that isolation creates more pain and more resentment.
I had the highest-esteemed developmental pediatricians in the country first telling me that my child “absolutely DOES NOT have Autism,” (“look at his wonderful eye contact!” and “he’s so affectionate with you!”) and then, much later when I had pushed so hard for a diagnosis of which I was certain, “Ok, I’m comfortable now with saying he has PDD-NOS,” (“look how he’s looking right through his sister,” and “Oh my, he’s really not reading these social cues.”) I had seen firsthand very comparably educated and experienced doctors and clinicians having polar opposite opinions and views on Autism. Even more startling and confusing was that I found bits and pieces in each and every theory that I could “buy” and that I saw in my son. Imagine, for a moment, being a layperson with no medical credentials, no impressive titles or letters behind her name, and having to weigh all of the opinions and research in order to make a decision that could effectively determine the outcome of the rest of her child’s life. I knew that it wasn’t what these doctors knew about Autism, but what they, and all of us, didn’t know about Autism and I realized that my husband and I were, frighteningly, largely on our own to decide what would be best for our son(s). The weight of that responsibility, to me, is the most stressful and frightening part of our situation, and it sometimes is almost too much to swallow. That is why I think Autism in particular creates these so called “warrior moms” and gets so many parents involved in research and action, it’s a rather uncharted course. We are the guinea pigs in this “epidemic of Autism.” And we didn’t sign up for this, but of course through love and devotion we become Mothers that we never thought we could be, learning things about which we never wanted to know or thought we could understand.
Love to everyone here who are navigating the waters of Autism (and everyone else!)
XOXO,
Kathy
Dear Crissy,
Firstly, THANK YOU!!!
While my two-year-old daughter, Keti, does not have Autism, I can so relate to your mother’s plight. Keti’s Specialties (I have exorcised the term Special Needs from my vocabulary) are pervasive in my life, in my husband’s life, in our family’s life.
Specialists and therapists throw around words like Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, Global Developmental Delays, Dyspraxia, and Hypotonia like a pizzeria tosses dough in the air. That’s *our* normal.
I can especially relate to your desire to hear your boys say “Mom” until you want to rip your hair out. I can more than relate. I have dreams of my Keti running up to me exclaiming, “Mommy, Mommy!” It is heartbreaking, at times, to have a two year old who does not have the ability to verbally communicate “Mommy” or “Daddy.” However, I know indubitably that Keti loves us more than anything in the whole world. It comes through in the light in her eyes, in the laughter of her voice, in the high-pitched squeals when she sees us walk into a room, and the intimacy of her cuddles.
Every day is different with Keti, but one thing always remains the same: she is loved beyond measure. I find refuge when other mothers, like you, who have children with Specialties have the courage to express their anguish and hope with such honesty. It gives me courage to forge forward through another round of therapy, another round of carryover from therapy, another ordinary day in the life of a child with Specialties.
So I say again with all sincerity, THANK YOU! Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your courage! Thank you for sharing your beautiful boys with the world! And thank you for being One of the Good Guys!
Kind Regards,
Patricia
West Grove, PA
[…] Chrissy Kelley @ Momastary: Not Your Typical Mom […]
This is worship. Right here, lady. And it’s brutiful. In every way.
Beautiful post and for me, so timely. My son is 5, diagnosed with autism 2 years ago, but I knew when he was a baby that something was different. Everything you said resonated with me. I especially appreciated when you said, “they are the greatest love story ever written” because before I had my sweet boy, I never knew the depth of love that I could have for another person. I never knew that I would do things that would stretch me to the limits of 10 other moms put together. I never knew that having a special needs child would force me to be a better person. I never knew the gifts that something as debilitating as autism would bring.
For now, my focus is doing exactly what you are talking about, recognizing the sadness, but not allowing it to consume my life. There are times when I have thought, this sadness and stress is going to give me cancer, a heart attack, a stroke or a complete mental breakdown, and then what? Who will raise my son? Who will love every part of him the way I do? No one. I have to push forward, working through each day to avoid becoming a mess of pain. On my mantle I have a wooden block that says, “You must do the thing you think you cannot do” by Eleanor Roosevelt. She reminds me will have a new normal, a new way of life and I will continue to do all of those things I never thought I would do.
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful tribute to your experience. I will be sharing it!
Chrissy, you have been an inspiration for many and I love you!
My son isn’t autistic, he’s a drug addict and mentally ill…..I had to learn to find joy in other things about him….now it’s the two grandchildren that are his gifts to me, I do think all moms are in this together and I join hands and hearts with you and all moms everywhere struggling to find joy in a confusing world!
God be with us all!
Beautiful and inspiring!! You are an amazing writer! Thank you!
[…] was recently featured on Momastery, which I know a lot of people follow. If you want another peek at what life can be like for […]
“Mourning a boy that never existed.” Such an important realization. You capture the essence of a trap most parents fall into – even those with ‘typical’ kids. Love the “MOMents” idea,too. Congratulations on taking the chaos of life and finding clarity. Your boys radiate beauty in your photos. They clearly are well-loved!
Thank you and keep shining!
This is bravery at its finest … You are raw and real and passionate ; having the GUTS to expose yourself and your fears and your feelings is such a gift to those who read your words to know that no matter what the ISSUE is about raising kids …. Us moms are all in it together . It’s NOT a contest to see who has it worse than another … It’s about real emotion and the courage to be say it how it is. No room for denial , self pity (in the long term), or any ” poor me” attitude.
You are educating the world – one reader at a time – about the super powers of your awesome boys, but also the super – powers of mommies all over the world, and giving them encouragement to conquer any parenting fear they are facing . Us moms can all take a lesson from your example of compassion and passion. Keep writing. Keep sharing. You’re changing the world, one mom at a time.
This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your life with us. I am a non-typical mother too. I have twin 9year old boys who are severely affected by autism and, like you, I would love to hear them say “mom”. I have felt that heart-wrenching pain – that deep sorrow. I am healing and learning from this. I appreciate your heartfelt words – they have encouraged me 🙂
Beautifully written! I’m adding you to my blog reading list. Greyson and Parker have the most striking eyes. Thanks for guest posting!
Wow. Just. Wow. Thank you so much for this.
I love your words of real… oh my goodness, just real words of life. This is very uncommon I have found over the years. Well, I actually follow your blog… so I LOVE all of your posts. You bring insight into to my life daily by seeing that life can only be what you make of it. Same as I read on Momastery. This is life. You write in a way that makes me think. I’m a better person and Mom from your blog, this and a few others. I do not have an Autistic child, but I do have three boys and a life, yet.. I yell in the morning to get dressed, love (mostly and try) during the day and really can’t wait for all to sleep. Am I a bad Mom? Gosh, I hope not, but I would like to believe I am real and I find comfort in others that are. I’ve read the wonderful replies and a few negative. For what it’s worth, here are my thoughts – WE (Mom’s) are all in this together… right? The mom’s that judge and pick apart others? Well, I see them as the judgmental mean mom’s at “our” children’s school that we all try to act like we don’t see and just keep walking. So… I choose to keep walking and act like I don’t see them and embrace to nice, real mom’s. Just like I am doing now. Thank you Chrissy. Tonight, I tried to be more patient with my boys at bedtime. I hope you guest blog again 🙂
Thank you! xoxo
Raw, real and beautifully written. Thank you.
So special and beautiful- both your words and your boys.
My husband has a life altering chronic illness that I sometimes wish was cancer so we had a chance to beat it and it go away for ever instead of this thing we must accept living the rest of our lives with. I know that feeling.
But like you, I know that it, along with our other greatest hurdle of having my brother missing, allows us to see beauty like we couldn’t otherwise.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
I enjoyed your honesty and humility. You are awesome and awe-inspiring. I am so glad I read your post and found this website! I will be sharing it far and wide! Here’s to Momastery!
With much appreciation,
Doreen
Thank you so much for finding the reasons and courage to write this article. My circumstances are different in many ways but it was like you understand everything I’ve been experiencing. You have encouraged me to not let the sad get to me but keep breathing and look for the joy that is packaged differently than the fake reality we grow up believing exists. Thank you!
God has revealed so much of Himself to you through this experience…and you have stopped to look. Beautiful!
You captured it…thank you!!
Thank you for this. I just called my 11 year old daughter over and told her that from now on, I want to say she has super powers. She was so happy that it made me cry. She is autistic, has sensory processing issues, ADHD and bipolar. She has been seen by so many doctors, etc over the years and somehow she slipped into calling them her disabilities. I can’t believe that I didn’t recognize the disservice I was doing to my child. Yes, times are rough and finances are always tight. I usually say that I’m rubbing pennies together hoping that they’ll make babies. 🙂 Thank you for helping me see this and showing me a simple way to put some light in her eyes.
CHRISSY. SISTER.
I spent the whole time reading this saying, OMG, ME TOO. ME TOO. ME TOO. My oldest son, who turns 4 (FOUR!) this October, is autistic. He’s not “high functioning,” which is ironic to me, because he’s the freaking smartest and wisest person I know. I walk on eggshells waiting to learn that my youngest, 18 months, is also on the spectrum. I know the diagnosis is coming; it’s inevitable, he’s so like his brother was then. Maybe that’s a good thing, because we’ve been there before? Maybe not.
We have SO MUCH LOVE (and fear and anxiety and stress and joy and hope and wonder) in our home, and I swear, some days, it’s those who surround us who pen it all in, holding it all together so we don’t scatter in the winds. It is amazing how much those two “handicapped” boys have taught me about how to live and breathe and love. I am so burdened and so blessed.
This is brutiful. Burdened and blessed. I love that so much. We are and/both people living in an either/or world.
LOVE to you.
Love to you Sharyn, and to your beautiful boys. xo
Enjoyed being introduced to you through this very moving post of your beautiful boys and your beautiful energy. Also LOVE the “Awesome” post on your blog – totally motivating and inspirational! Thank you.
Humbled by you and holding hope for the day you hear Mom. Thank you for the perspective and inspiration.
THANK YOU! I can feel the love through my computer and I’m sure your boys feel it too.
My son was diagnosed at four with Asperger’s syndrome. It was hard at times but the best thing that ever happened to us. I could read and understand and a couple years later my daughter and I found out we had the “Aspergirls” version;) I went over to your blog and I liked how you broke down the varied parts of the spectrum. You are do right in saying no two people are alike. Being high functioning on the scale I can’t compare my situation but I do understand sensory overload, meltdowns, add, dyspraxia, anxiety and seeing the world through different eyes. On some days it is very tough ( and that is with my fully communicating! I know that it is so much tougher for those who want to communicate and can’t.) I have very real issues NT people will never fully understand no matter how much I explain. But in my inner world I know I have a rich experience if life. It may be overwhelming but it’s innocent, it may be different but it does come with some gifts… I don’t believe I am broken because I’m on the scale. There are aspects of normal I mourn and the sensory issues mess with my life, but I am happily married to an NT and have three beautiful children. I firmly believe that autism is the red thread of society. It may be vibrant, stand out, be sometimes chaotic, exhausting at times yet it brings a different sort of beauty to society. It teaches us to slow down, prioritize, listen, be peaceful, pay attention to innocence and small wonders. I feel in some ways it’s needed.
I’m not down playing the real issues that come along with autism ( like communication, add, and so forth) but I am saying that it also has its unique beauty of looking at the world. I can’t wait for the day when those who are severely autistic can finally communicate their inner world – I can guarantee it will be fantastic, enlightening, and sweet along with the overwhelming and sometimes terrifying;) I know it’s tough to understand because I am on the spectrum ANC don’t understand it all but I am so proud of you for being an advocate for your sons. There will be hardship those that do not deal with autism won’t fully understand but there will also be unverifiable beauty others won’t understand that don’t deal with autism. I wouldn’t want to cure it because it would take away all that I am. However I do want to have more aid and find more ways to deal with the tougher aspects that come with it( speech, anxiety ect.) I don’t like bring talked about like I need “curing” because I am ME in all my disasters and beauty but I do like to talk about support, ways I can give… I am constantly learning and it is so hard. Every day it’s hard because our society values the social butterfly, the appropriate sophistication, perfection, practical capability… But I firmly believe that once our society starts to embrace more different ways of being autism will be more embraced and understood. I live with stigma every day but I know I am lived and worthy by the people that matter. You do that for your boys and that is such a gift… And they know. They really do know;)
Oh and sometimes I write about it here:
http://worldwecreate.blogspot.ca/ (on the library page I have many good Autism books listed. Just click on the authors name and it will take you to a Wikipedia about or Amazon or their official website:)
Thanks for sharing your beautiful family
Simply, stunningly beautiful. What lucky boys they are to have a mom like you. They are most certainly here to teach you – and us, through you – about life…love…courage…hope. Brutiful indeed.
Its always so nice to “meet” another spectrum mom who is on the same page… just loving the moments.
I went through all of the same phases you talked about, the deep searing pain that almost destroyed me, my marriage, and my family and one day… I just woke up and looked past the label and saw my son for what he is, a gift.
Life is vivid, bright, and overflowing with fullness with autism and the speech… it will come. And it will be glorious. The best sound you ever imagined.
My son Will is 6 1/2 and still has pretty minimal speech but when he does choose to say something, it is ALWAYS with purpose 🙂
If you’d like to see where we are in our journey with autism ( since I’m two years ahead of you) I write about Will’s World on my blog. I too try to focus on the happy. Because every day is such a gift.
Thanks for writing this beautiful piece. More moms need to find the happy.
Beautiful writing and beautiful thoughts. Your boys are so adorable. They are lucky to have you as a mother. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! This spoke volumes to my heart. It’s as I struggle with my son’s loss of hearing that I stumble across this and it’s as if it was written for me.
“It’s not the circumstances that kill us. It’s the sad.”
What an amazing article – thank you.
Chrissy, what a perfect perspective. I lost my first child to a genetic disease a few months ago and am pregnant with the second who might have the same thing, and I find myself searching the internet for answers that really aren’t there. I have found that the facts are not really the facts – yes, this is what a specific disorder looks like, but lists of symptoms and treatments only serve to reinforce the abnormality of the experience. They don’t mention the joy of kissing a sweet face and the fun of watching a child’s eyes light up – the MOMents you were talking about. I wake up every day with the resolution not to google, and I usually fail, but I’m much healthier remembering my own experience with the disease instead of reading about others’, because I remember what a precious blessing that baby was – well worth the trauma.
Love to you, mama! My heart goes out to both of your babies – the one you lost and the one on the way. Many blessings to you. Warrior on!
Wow… Like Melissa commented, I have also thought I would pull my hair out at one point this week with my 18 month old talking. You have made me stop and completely turn around my way of thinking. He’s had 3 seizures in the past 6 months and the first time I thought I was going to loose him. I will forever be grateful for that little voice and I so appreciate that you had the courage to write this post and so honestly speak…directly to my heart. Thank you for sharing and you and your boys will be in my prayers! Xoxo
And your boys are absolutely gorgeous by the way!
“it’s not the circumstances that kill us- it is the sad”
I think this is one of the most beautiful, profound lines ever written. This incredible, insightful sentence can serve as a seed, and really change lives.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. You’re an amazing Person and Mom.
That line hit me too – wow.
And just reading this comment I was moved again – I think it was the “changing lives” part.
Yup – it hit me again typing those words. Thank you Sara.
Keep writing Chrissy, keep sharing Glennon, the tapestry of connection grows stronger each day.
It is amazing to sit back and watch it unfold sometimes.
Oh my…I came to this post through Living in Yellow…this is absolutely beautiful. Your words are a true gift to countless parents out there…
How we judge and then compare and make ourselves feel badly and then try to make ourselves feel better … I first started reading and saw your picture of your gorgeous boys, and thought, “well, she has a perfect life and perfect kids.” I thought that because I have a son on the spectrum, and I get jealous. Then I kept reading. What a mirage it all is, and what matters is love and understanding and truth in the way that I find people at Momastery write. Thank you. Thank you for sharing the picture of your perfect boys and writing about your perfect life … and for helping me reflect on what “perfect” is.
Chrissy your heart is big my friend and your sense of humor brings me smiles daily even though u r not nearby anymore! I love u, your cute fam and how u seriously r changing the world FOR THE BETTER!!!!!
How stunningly beautiful. This post spoke VOLUMES to me, and my struggles are very different. Thank you thank you thank you. And, by the way, those boys are so beautiful, I swear you can see forever in their eyes..
I grew up with a severely autistic brother (in the 60s and 70s, when hardly anyone had heard of autism; he wasn’t accurately diagnosed until we were young adults in the 80s). I am now helping my partner raise his daughter with Asperger’s. Despite my early life with Joe, it was having Ella come into my life that blew everything out of the water for me. Yes, my typical notions of success and happiness and “good life” were smashed. Something much richer and deeper has taken their place. I so wish my mom could have heard voices such as yours when she was alone and young and struggling. I’m glad today’s moms can. Your writing matters.
I love this post! As the special needs coordinator for my church, your story inspires me to keep my ministry strong, and to share your hope with other families I know. Thank you for sharing hope and strength in a difficult but beautiful life. Your sons are gorgeous.
Thank you for sharing your words with us. You describe much more beautifully than I could feelings I have had as well. Three out of my four children had/have speech delays and other things to work on. Eventually they will all be “typical” children but it’s hard when the world sees them differently. I liked what you said about not letting the sad get you. We had an incident in our family recently (http://loveinthehouse.wordpress.com/2013/05/31/andrews-story/) where the sad was there. Grateful-grief, I call it. We’re healing and your words will help in the days to come. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for being brave and showing up, as Glennon says. Best wishes to you and your boys!
Totally awesome post. And (most of all) this
“it’s not the circumstances that kill us- it is the sad. ”
is what I am slowly realising.
[…] A guest blogger on the Momastery site wrote about her son’s autism diagnosis and how it has impacted their family. http://momastery.com/blog/2013/06/20/not-your-typical-mom/ […]
The first 2 years after my son’s Autism diagnosis were the hardest. I cried all the time. It has been 6 years now, now and I still fight the sadness at times. Courage is something I never thought I would need everyday. We focus on all the positives and I keep a mental checklist of all of the things he wasn’t supposed to do.
The birth of my daughter opened my eyes too, to the beauty of life. She’s almost 1.5 years old and this has been the most exposed, scared, and full of love and life I’ve ever felt. It’s terrifying to have my heart walk about apart from my body. She has saved me from myself and as much as I love and treasure her, I’m grateful to her too. That beautiful little girl saved me.
So, happy to have found you Chrissy. Thank you, Glennon.
I have been following Chrissy’s blog for many months now. My child is not autistic, but the love she has and shows for her boys is so universal. Her writing and pictures fill my heart. “They are the greatest love story ever written” she says. Good grief, a mama after my own heart.
I’m so thrilled she has been introduced to more mamas and Monkees on this huge stage. Her crusade to make the world a better place for her boys just may make a better place for all of our littles. Love & happiness to you, sweet mama. Warrior on!
Thank you for having the courage to write that. No doubt it will touch every person who reads it. A big hug to you!
Thank you for having the courage to write that. No doubt it will touch every single person who reads it. A big hug to you!
Beautiful post. I’ve been struggling with my daughter’s health issues lately. I’m so in a funk from it but I need to get it together. She deserves more than that!
[…] read a blog post on Momastery today that completely validates the way I feel. Take a minute to read it, I’ll […]
Wonderful post. I have five kids, two on the Spectrum, albeit on the “mild” end. Our doctor recommended a book that I’m finding both interesting and informative, and which has provided me with lots of lightbulb moments while reading. It’s “The Fabric of Autism, Weaving the Threads Into a Cogent Theory by Judith Bluestone, who not only works with people with autism, but has autism.
Chrissy is indeed brave, honest, real and insightful. I do not have a child with autism-yet. As an older woman, I know many grandmothers who struggle in the same fashion with learning their only grandchild has autism. It is different for them than mothers and dads, but it is a struggle none the less. Chrissy’s young lads are gifted with an Awe-Some mother. I watched the movie Temple Grandin (worth viewing) and am so glad that today the solution for those with Autism Spectrum is to welcome them into the community with understanding, instead of rejection, ridicule and institutionalization. Another current book that promotes understanding is Love Anthony. Amazing guest post. Thank you ,Glennon ,for introducing us to Chrissy.
I love what you have written. As a parent of an autistic son you have expressed my feelings exactly. Thank you. My son did not speak his first words until he was 8 years old. The first thing he ever said was “Mommy, come here.” He is 14 now and although he doesn’t have a conversation with me he does say “Mommy, here” everyday. Love to you and your boys.
Thank you for sharing this….love the MOMents reference…think I needed to remember that even though things are hard we can still do them.
Oh my gosh how I needed to read this post today. I am still “walking around with all the sad” and I’m exhausted from scouring google all night. What an amazing mom and role model for all of us. Today I’m working on shaking off some of the sad. I’m only a few days into news re diagnosis, but we will get there! Thanks for the post….you have no idea how badly it was needed.
Thinking of you
Me too!
Chrissy, you put into words how I have felt for so many years with my boys. I have one daughter that is “typical” (what is that exactly anyway?) and two sons that have autism. My boys are now 27 and 19 and are doing great but what a journey it has been. When they were young I prayed so hard for them to speak, at least just say Mama. My oldest was so severe that the Dr, the so-called expert, told he would never learn to speak and would end up being institutionalized. Well, that is the wrong thing to say to a Mama Bear. It took a lot of work, prayers, tears, and love but that boy is now working full time as a Walmart stocker in the evenings and going to college part-time online. He has an associates degree in Liberal Arts and is working towards a degree in video game design. He drives his own car (so scary for me at first) and has his own bank account. My younger son just finished his first year of college and he wants to become a Psychiatrist to help others like him. I have no doubt that your boys have an amazing future ahead of them as well. Always remember that YOU are the expert when it comes to your child. I am so glad that Glennon introduced you to us so that I can follow you now and cheer on your boys’ successes. You will find that your amazing boys will teach you more about life than you could ever teach them.
God has placed these two little loves with most beautiful soul. God bless you sister! Warrior on!
Yes…. as another mom touched by her son with autism (and one with ADHD, and one with dyslexia — and who knows what the 11 month old will have! 🙂 ) — I relate to your post. I live in that world of sadness and gratefulness and circumstances not ideal, yet I choose the happiness too. Such grace we’ve experienced through caregivers, teachers, friends and family — I’m so glad you found it too! Thank you for your words from your brutiful experience. You are not alone, nor am I (good things to know!)
Lovely perspective Chrissy, thanks for sharing it with the world! Your advocacy of love for your boys is one which all can learn from… unconditional is a hard word for many to grasp. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family with His love, as clearly it is abundant!!
What a beautiful post about two beautiful boys (and their beautiful mom!). Thanks for starting my day out with a greater glimpse of God.
So much good stuff in one blog post! I love, love, love your contact lens analogy. And this: “…but for the first time I can finally see, and my eyes are filled with so much beauty that it sometimes overflows onto my cheeks…I can finally see things that have been there all along. Beauty I didn’t always notice before.” And I think all of us could take this line, “I refuse to waste my entire life on sad because of stupid autism,” and make it a fill-in-the-blank mantra: I refuse to waste my entire life on sad because of stupid ___________, filling in the blank with whatever “thing” it is that exhausts us and tries to break our hearts. Because what I am learning is that we all have a “thing”. No matter what brave or fake face we show the world, we all struggle. Coming together to help and support each other makes the struggle easier. Thank you for that.
Thank you for having the courage to write this post. I, too, have a 4 1/2 year old son with Super Powers. He has limited verbal skills. I tell myself daily that it is all about celebrating the small stuff. The daily grind is hard, but there are in fact those moments that make it all worth it. Thank you for making my day!
Thank you for being brave, and sharing your story. Before I stayed home with my children, I was a teacher of children with autism. They were the brightest sunshine in my day, because they too, taught me to stop and see. I can’t imagine walking in your shoes 24/7, but I can tell from your writing just how lucky your boys are to have you as their mommy–through all of it.
“I had irrational thoughts.” Yes, that entire paragraph spoke to me – I have a child with cerebral palsy and had very similar thoughts at one time. That was before I found out that the world is kind. Much kinder than I ever thought possible. And when the world is kind, we can see the beautiful in the different.
Thank you for sharing this post with us. I loved reading it!
No need to worry momma. Not here. You are an inspiring writer, mom, and woman. Thank you for writing with such heart and honesty. God knew what she was doing when she chose you to be their mom. Carry On .XO
My son is on the spectrum, and this is all my thoughts and feelings in a nutshell. A thousand thank yous.
Thank you for this. Just…. thank you. I don’t think you can possibly know how beautifully heart-shattering this was. God bless you and your boys.
You have me sobbing at my kitchen island. My kids have been driving me a little (lot) crazy with the “mommommom” as we prepare for vacation and I have not been being (even close to) grateful for the sound of their voices. Thank you for helping me shift my perspective this morning. Your boys are beautiful and you are a brave and amazing Mom ~ thank you for advocating not just for them, but for ALL of our children who will surely fall outside the “norm” in some way at some time in their lives. Thanks for a timely and touching article.
This is so beautiful and wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing this glimpse into your life with us.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing. What a gift your boys and you are!
Chills… just chills. Thank you so much for this.