My sweet husband helps with the dishes each night. Actually, he helps with starting the dishes, but he has trouble finishing, which, as Seinfeld suggested …is really the most important part of doing the dishes…the finishing.
Every evening, I notice that I am alone at the sink and that Craig and the kids have sneaked out back to the trampoline. Last night I followed them and called out sweetly, “Honey? Did you notice that there are still piles of dishes in the sink?” And like always, he said:
They’re just soaking, babe. It’s part of doing the dishes. It makes it easier to get them clean.
As you can see, sometimes Craig uses my lack of knowledge about basic household duties to get out of things. This isn’t right, people. But it’s pretty clever.
I have resolved to steal his move.
When my husband arrives home tonight, he will find me reading a book on the couch, having abandoned the children in the bathtub.
When he panics, and asks me for an explanation, I will say the following…calmly and sweetly.
They’re just soaking, babe. It’s part of bath time. It makes it easier to get them clean.
The other night when Craig got home from work, I went to the bookstore to blow off some steam. Not a bar called The Bookstore…the actual book store. Borders. I know, somebody stop me.
Anyway…I’m sitting in the café with my latte and a pile of classic novels that I plan to start reading just as soon as I get caught up on the Gosselins…when I notice this guy across the cafe staring at me.
Here was my first thought:
OH MY GOSH maybe he recognizes me from the blog!!! Maybe I am ACTUALLY FAMOUS but I am just so humble and grounded that I don’t evenknow it. But then I remembered that the only two men who read my blog are my dad and my neighbor Pablo, and this guy didn’t look like either of them.
So my next thought was this:
YEP. I STILL GOT IT. LOOK AT THIS GUY. HE CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF ME.
And then, while I was mentally rehearsing how to relay this story to Craig, thus proving my desirability beyond a shadow of a doubt, the guy stood up and started walking toward me.
Oh, no. Oooooooh noooooooo. I am secretly terrified of boys.
“Excuse me ma’am? Ma’am? I’m sorry to interrupt you.”
“I just thought you might want to know. When you went to get your drink I couldn’t help but notice that you have stickers all over your back. There’s like twenty of them back there.”
Thank you, Tish. Thank you very much.