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Forum » Parenting » School Age » How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?

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Author	Topic: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?

bemybuddy

Newbie
Posts: 3

How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 7, 2012, 20:34

How do I handle the CLIQUIE Moms? You know the ones who are always too busy to call you but somehow they manage to get together at the local coffee shop without inviting you. The ones that claim how incredibly busy their little Johnny is on weekends, too busy for a playdate with YOUR kid, but somehow they manage 3 playdates & post photos on FB ?

calibamana-
ncy

Newbie
Posts: 5

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 8, 2012, 00:01

First, ask yourself, if you really NEED to "handle" them. Second, ask yourself "why"? Chances are you will realize you don't. If they are like the "Cliquies" I know, you don't REALLY want to be around them anyway, because the conversation is a never ending session of "one-upping" which inevitably ends up making most down to earth mamas (as I assume you are, because you are asking this question) feeling, well, like poop.

So my advice is this: Gather your trusted troops and start your own group, frequenting the same haunts as they do. Have a very public, joyous time truly enjoying each other, with or without kiddos, and pretty soon, it will get the best of them and you will have the upper hand. Once you realize you don't need them, they'll want you By then, it's too late.

Oh, and visit this blog regularly for a fabulous laugh.....at their expense. And no, it's not my blog.....but I wish it were!!
http://www.snarkyinthesuburbs.com

bemybuddy

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 8, 2012, 15:45

It's a very small town where I live.... Everytime I turn around, there they are. I feel foolish being so vunerable and letting them hurt my feelings. Then I get angry when my kids feelings are hurt when they realize that they were left out of an activity/birthday party or playdate. I can't drive down the road & not pass one of their houses. Now we avoid those roads. I take the long way to the grocery store. I thought maybe it was me and I wasn't making enough of an effort to "be a good friend" so I baked cookies and made extra chicken cutlets and dropped them off as a special surprise. Nothing worked. I am 45 and it's a little more difficult to make new friends. I have life long friends but they are all over the United States. I will make more of an effort to befriend the non-cliquie groups of moms. I hate to hear my kids cry when I tell them I just can't keep badgering those Mom's for a playdate. It's awkward to keep calling & it make me feel like a PITA. I feel like the last kid picked for the team. I am a down to earth person. I kept my mouth shut and my ears open when I first met the cliquie Moms. They showed their true colors pretty quickly when they started talking about each other. I never repeated what they said. I wanted no part of their nasty quips. Then I realized, if they are talking about each other, then they must be talking about me too. In retrospect, this is happening for a reason. And that reason is that I am better than them. I don't need them. Although it would be nice for my kids to play with the other kids from school, I will do my best to find other friends for them.

Krystal-
OBrien

Administrator
Posts: 22

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 9, 2012, 16:04

Awe man, don't fret over them. It sounds like you have them pegged and they might not be the best fit for you anyway! I bet there are other moms out there who would love to hang out...ones who aren't closed to the idea of making new friends. I'm sorry you're having to go through that though. It sucks.

calibamana-
ncy

Newbie
Posts: 5

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 10, 2012, 13:34

It can be difficult in a small town, I admit. I grew up in one in the South, so I completely understand. It does sound as if you have their number and they really aren't worth your time. Making new friends can be very daunting at any age, but once you reach the 40's like us, it can be downright terrifying....especially mommy friends. Scary? Yes. Impossible? No. Why not plan a little "New Year, New Friends" gathering at your home, put together an Evite, and send it to the "real" moms....not the cliquies. If your kids' classroom has an email roster, use that for the addy's. Nothing fancy, just an afternoon to get the kiddos together and connect as moms. You'll be surprised at the friends you'll make

andreanico-
leangel

Newbie
Posts: 1

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 10, 2012, 18:36

I agree... you probably don't really want to be around people who are obviously not that enthused about being around you. It's possible that they're not just trying to be snobs, but simply that your personalities don't mesh as well - everybody has different "chemistry", or "affinity".

Maybe the thing to do is look for moms who you have more affinity with - but keep in mind it's not quite about what they have in common with you. Sometimes you can find someone whose life experiences or way of approaching challenges is complementary or even opposite from yours, and it can be hard to explain what it is that you find so rewarding about the company of that person, but you know that you feel enriched or uplifted when you interact with them. I'd spend less time focusing on the ones who don't want to reciprocate, and more time looking for someone with whom to forge some quality bonds.

bethr1997

Newbie
Posts: 1

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 11, 2012, 04:02

Have you thought about helping out with your school PTA/PTO? We have moved twice since 2009 and it has worked for me to meet new moms. And I know that all four of the schools my kids have attended always need the help. You can always suggest meet at a coffee place or for lunch -or- with kids at the park.
Good luck. It's hard meeting people but I'm sure you can find like minded moms to hang out with. And don't worry about those clique moms.. I'd bet that being friends with them is a lot of work!

bemybuddy

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: January 11, 2012, 08:40

Thank you for all the replies. You have been very supportive & I look forward to reading the replies. Sitting here in my office, I am literally smiling ear to ear. While the PTA/PTO idea is helpful, I have to share MY funny story about "volunteering" for OUR PTA. I contacted them in regards to International Night. I said I wanted to volunteer. I was thrilled when she asked me "do you cook or bake something special from your country?" WHY YES I DO I replied so excitedly !! I rattled off a few ideas I had then she said " Well that's great cause we already have enough volunteers, we just need more food items, can you drop off two trays or enough for 300 people?" LOL!!!! The same thing happened for Teacher Appreciation Breakfast. They all stood behind the chafing dishes with pretty aprons on smiling at all the teachers (schmoozing) while I schlepped in my egg casserole at 7am (as told) to drop it off hot. Once again, I was told that they had enough volunteers. I laugh about it now. My husband jokes that maybe if my food is really good, they will let me stay and empty the garbage cans next time. Talk about a CLIQUE!! OUR PTA is worse than the Clique that I started talking about earlier. I am making a true effort to expand my circle of friends. We had 2 new friend playdates this week. Both Mom's are really nice & all the kids were happy. Keeping my fingers crossed. You gals rock

jmcob72

Newbie
Posts: 3

Re: How do I handle the Cliquie Moms?
on: February 10, 2012, 17:15

they don't sound like happy souls to be around! If you 'd like to volunteer at the school don't let them stop you! Ask to read stories in classrooms or help with centers. OR help in the library or make copies. I love being at my kids school and i hope you find some peace!

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