In our particular case, the magic is that Craig hasn’t left me yet even though very little magic happens here.
Hence the Help Wanted sign, which was Craig’s idea.
Cute, right? I thought so, too. Until a few seconds into our little photo shoot when Craig said:
“When you write about this room you should tell your blog friends that we only have one sheet.”
“What? Why? “
“Because I think most people use two sheets. I don’t think most people decide the top sheet is “too much work” and throw it away.I bet people even have extra sets of sheets instead of just washing the exact same sheet for seven years.”
He said this last part slowly, emphasizing each word, with extra gusto on the seven.
OH. I said.
I raised my eyebrows, dropped the camera, and took a very deep breath.
“If what you’re suggesting is that I need to have TWO of things when I can barely keep up with having ONE of things than I might as well check myself into an institution right now and call it a day. Because you know what? The only job I have formally accepted in this home is to make sure things appear to be working on the outside, not to make them actually work on the inside. Which is why we have blankets, husband, because they are on the outside. Because people see them, and will notice if they’re missing. I CANNOT also make sure that things like sheets, which are on the INSIDE, are also in working order. This is why I make it to my laser hair removal appointment every month but have found it a scheduling impossibility to see a dentist since Tish was born. And why the girls have tights in every color of the rainbow but are behind on their well checks. BECAUSE TEETH AND INTERNAL ORGANS ARE ON THE INSIDE.LIKE THE SHEETS. Not a priority. FACIAL HAIR AND TIGHTS…OUTSIDE. Are you with me?
AND FURTHERMORE…is there some sort of electrical fence that keeps the Y chromosome from crossing the threshold of Bed Bath and Beyond?
AND IN CLOSING, HUSBAND, didn’t they teach you in modeling school to just HOLD YOUR SIGN AND SMILE PRETTY?”
Of course, Craig did not answer these last two questions because he had long since fallen sleep with his little sign on his chest.
Blog friends, did one of you tell husband about the top sheet thing? Because the continuation of my way of life is completely dependent on Craig not finding out what is considered normal in a household.Don’t screw this up for me.
One more with better lighting, and sweet little hand prints all over the mirror