Jan 112013
 

I’ve been digging Kristen Howerton lately. She’s a professor and mother of four, and she blogs over at Rage Against the Minivan. She writes really important things, like her recent article titled “The Only Mommy War Worth Waging.” In it, Kristen shows how the world pits mamas against each other…Breastfeed-ers vs. Formula givers! Attachment-ers vs Ferber-izers! Over – acheivers vs Slackers!

Snoooooze fest….

Then Kristen asks . . . what if instead of throwing our energy and attention behind judging each other’s mama choices . . . we joined forces to help angels who don’t have any parents? How about fighting for mamas who, because of disease or poverty or politics or God knows what, didn’t even get a chance to make any mama choices for their babies? There but for the grace of God go we. Instead of Dance Moms vs. Couch moms…wouldn’t it be more exciting to join the All Moms versus Parentlessness battle? This is her point. I think it’s a good one.

Enter Little Princes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, my God. I love this book. It’s the story of how Conor Grenan set out to travel the world and found himself caring for parent-less little in Nepal. It’s a comedy and an adventure and a romance. Conor is accidentally inspiring, which is my favorite kind of inspiring. I can’t wait to get Little Princes into your Monkee hands. It will be magic, I think.

When I told my friend and agent that I wanted to give Little Princes away, she contacted Conor, the author.
Kay. CONOR AND HIS WIFE LIZ ARE DEVOTED MONKEES.

So Conor is here today, and he AND LIZ will be back in three weeks for our book discussion to answer your questions and make you laugh. Over the moon about this, I am.

Meet Conor and Liz Grenan.

 

****************

Hi New Friends!
So, you know when you’re a kid, and somebody asks you a question like “How much do you like ice cream?” and to show them how much you love ice cream you spread your arms so far apart that it looks like you’re trying to hug a planet?
That’s how excited I am to be a part of this.


I love Momastery. I have for a long time now. I love what makes Momastery what it is – this community where folks come to be themselves, honest and loving and caring and compassionate and curious about the world. (Not coincidentally, those are also the things I love most about my wife.)


I also love funny. I need it. And there’s a ton of funny here.


Thank you for letting me introduce you to this book, Little Princes. I shall just say this about it:


I’m allergic to books where the author seems to be Natural Born Selfless and thus was simply destined to save the world. I’m allergic to books that make you feel bad about yourself because the author is Just So Amazing.


That’s not me. It’s actually sort of the opposite of me.


This is what I believe: that children, no matter where they’re born, no matter under what circumstances, are beautiful and hilarious and annoying and frustrating and wonderful and resilient and the source of our greatest joys and heartaches, sometimes simultaneously. And that we are Called (with a capital C) to protect them, whether they live next door or nine thousand miles away.


It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize all that. It took me even longer to believe in a Calling at all, and even longer than that to believe in miracles. And yet, here we are.


It’s an honor to share this story, truly. I hope you enjoy it.


Your best friend in the whole world,


Conor

*************

 

Love. Him. Don’t you love him?? I know.


But listen, when you read Little Princes, don’t develop a little crush and get distracted from the sentences because you are considering that if you’d married Conor, your name would be Glennon Grennan. Cmoooooon people! He’s MARRIED and so are YOU. And we’re talking about JUSTICE work and ORPHANS here. Stay focused. God.


Okay. I’ve got SIXTY copies of Little Princes sitting here in my condo with me. (THANK YOU, WILLIAM MORROW!)  They are going out in the mail next week. (SORRY AGAIN, NAPLES MAILMAN!) Please fill out this form to win, and I’ll send you an email on Thursday to let you know if you won. So exciting. Love you to pieces.

HAPPY WEEKEND!!

G

Jan 142013
 

 

 

Top Three Most Embarrassing Melton Pediatric Visits


 

When Chase was six months old, I took him to a pediatric optometrist because he looked completely cross eyed in every picture we took of him. After the exam, the doctor left the exam room* and when he returned he said:

“Ma’am. I have identified the issue that’s causing Chase to appear cross eyed.”

I took a deep breath and held it. The doctor continued:

“Chase…. is…. Asian.”

 

Long pause.

 

He’s Asian? I said. That’s your diagnosis?

“Yes, ma’am.” He pointed to Chase in his car seat. “That’s just what Asian babies look like.”

Well. Fine, I said. Shall I bring him back in three weeks if these Asian symptoms continue or worsen?

“No, you shouldn’t.”

Kay. Goodbye, then.

Not a lot of room for humor in optometry, apparently.

 

 

When Chase was three, I took him to the pediatrician to get his ears checked. He was really struggling to hear Craig and me and didn’t even respond to the simplest, loudest directions. After the doctor examined him, she left the exam room*. When she came back she said:

 

“Mrs. Melton, his hearing is perfect. Chase is hearing you. He’s just not listening to you.”

 

Nother long pause.

 

Examine.

Him.

Again.

I said.

 

 

When Chase was three months old, he developed a very strange orange rash on his face. It started small, just around his mouth, but started spreading further, past his nose and chin. After a week of watching it grow and deepen in color, we started worrying about jaundice and took him to the pediatrician. The doctor examined Chase’s teeny face and left the room.* When she finally returned, she said:

“Mrs. Melton, I couldn’t help but notice that your skin is tinted the same orange-ish color as your son’s face.”

 

Nother. Long. Pause.

 

Say what? I said, eventually.

The doctor looked uncomfortable, but continued:

“Are you, by chance, using a self tanning lotion?”

Ummm….yeah.

“And you’re using it…all over?”

Well….yes.

“And you’re still breast feeding, right?“


 

Double Pause.

 

 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

 

We don’t go to the doctor anymore unless we are currently on fire.

 

 

*I noticed a pattern while writing this essay. Doctors always leave the room for several minutes before they’ll speak to me. I talked to several friends about this phenomenon, and they all said that their doctors never leave the room before offering a diagnosis.

I am now convinced that the doctors leave so I can’t see them burst out laughing. They close the door on us and then they run into an empty exam room and pull out their cells and call their doctor buddies and spouses and say “you’re not gonna believe this one” and then they quickly update their Facebook Statuses with “So this crazy lady just came into the office and….”

Then they return to our room when they’ve decided they are capable of looking at me with a straight face.

Whatever, honestly.

 

Love,

G

Jan 242013
 

 

HELLO, and Happy Day, Monkees!  Sister here, reporting for Glennon on this most exciting day.

I was forced to put G in a one day Momastery time out because her distaste for anything that smells like promotion was threatening to ruin the perfectly fabulous time we are about to all have together.  But sister-promotion is a basic tenant here at Momastery, and what G does whenever she sees a sister doing something good and true and smart, so here I am.

Because she and WE – this whole Momastery community – have done something very good and true and smart.

 

WE HAVE MADE A BOOK.

 

We have made a book that will arrive in 70 short days! Carry On, Warrior is our baby, and we are in our LAST TRIMESTER! Which, actually, is a very good reason to order up many foot rubs and naps and chocolate desserts and stay in our yoga-pants until April.  Carry On, Warrior will be here before we know it and there will be crying and rejoicing and visitors and no sleeping and we’ll really wish we had used these 70 days more wisely and lazily.

If you’ve been reading Momastery long enough, you know that G has a tendency to rename her babies. Some people play tennis, others cook, and Glennon picks new names for her kids.  Partly because it is a hobby she can enjoy without leaving the house, but also because, as she gets to know each kid, her name reveals itself undeniably.

Remember how Amma got her name(s)?  In utero she was Tess. Then Amanda. Then Amme. Then Scout. Finally, Amma. Rhymes with Anna. We repeat that “rhymes with” part a lot. Glennon has friends who still won’t attempt the third child’s name because they’re so confused. They gesture in Amma’s general direction and say, “you know . . . her.”   In fact, when Amma was four she looked up from her coloring book and said, “Mama! What my name again??” Which would’ve been funnier if G had been able to remember it more quickly. The point is, she was always, undeniably and for all time, just an Amma of a thing.

So it should not be a shock to us that this phenomenon also happened to our baby - Carry On, Warrior.  Glennon took that book home and loved her and learned her.  And, as these things go, Carry On revealed herself and her cover was blown. Carry On, Warrior is, undeniably and for all time, a beautiful and bold rainbow of a thing. So without further ado, may I present to you the new and final cover of Carry On, Warrior. . .

 

 

IT’S A GIRL!!!  And we love her.  We love that she assumes nothing. Everyone has a home with her. Each of us can find our place and take what we need. Just like our community. Everybody’s in, baby.

 

It’s time for the Shower (without all the awkward 4-hour gift opening and the pretending you’ve never seen a Boppy quite that beautiful before). It is time to celebrate all of the doing of the hard things and the loving each other so well here.

Every preorder of Carry On, Warrior (www.carryonwarrior.com) will arrive to your home ON the first day of the book’s release, April 2. And if just half of Monkees preorder the book today, Carry On, Warrior could be on the New York Times bestseller list in the first week of publication. Wouldn’t that be wild? It would be historic and magical, just like our community. And it would be a proper way to celebrate a baby sister’s arrival to the world.

 

And if you believe our baby will help folks breathe easier and further the kindness revolution….

 

 Pinners, Pin THIS! 

 

For you Tweeters and Facebookers, share the book with your friends by posting this link into your status:  www.carryonwarrior.com.  

 

And then PREORDER!!!  All preorders will arrive on publication day, April 2, and many of the sellers are offering the book on preorder for 40% off list price – that’s $10 off each book!

 

Buy a copy for your bookshelf or nightstand (you are going to want to HOLD this beautiful baby in your hands, trust us!) and preorder one for your friend who is becoming a mom, becoming sober, healing, becoming more real. Buy one for your mama and mama in law and sisters and daughters and your child’s teachers. Buy a copy for each of your warrior girlfriends for Mothers Day. Stock up, make this book your 2013 Go To Gift to Those You Love.

 

And Thank You. For everything. For Every Thing.

 

Carry On, Warriors.

Sister and G