Jul 082013
 

I love this interview. I cursed a few times – sorry about that. Also, I admitted that bulimia still shows up in my life from time to time. I know that’s not okay with the world, but it’s okay with me. It stops by to say, “something’s wrong, honey. Let’s step back, slow down, and focus up.” I usually listen. Everything, everything, everything works for our good.

Love,
G



Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  59 Responses to “I’m Happyish and Healthyish and That is Good Enough For Me”

  1. Your comment about struggling with bulimia hit home for me, not because I have or have ever had an eating disorder, but because you revealed a secret — a TOUGH secret — and I just have to say how much I admire you. Bulimia, by definition, is already such a closeted action – it’s not like drinking, which at least starts off out in the open – and therefore to tell the truth about it and bring it into the light is remarkable. But your boldness goes beyond mere truth-telling, this is truth-telling where you really didn’t have to. It’s one thing to say, “I used to be bulimic” and entirely another thing to say, “I used to be bulimic and sometimes, even now, I still engage in that behavior.” SO POWERFUL!

    I smoked cigarettes for 16 years and quit 12 years ago. At 45, I’ve run about 15 half-marathons and 5 full marathons. But starting about 8 years ago I started this thing where I smoke when I go on vacation. And it has worked for me. I’ve never picked up a cigarette at home, ever. But I am so embarassed to say that I still smoke, occasionally – that I can’t even tell my doctor, even though I believe smoking led to a recent flare of my rheumatoid arthritis.

    I may have been too afraid to tell my truth (until now) but have always believed that the act of telling the truth elevates your life, opens you up to new possibilities and makes fertile ground for God’s blessings. I pray for all of this in your life and more.

  2. Ohmygosh. This is why we need to tell our truths – not just so we know we’re not alone but also so we understand our own selves a little better. I had such an epiphany reading this one paragraph, and that epiphany helped me to write down (and even hit “publish!”) a big chunk of my own truth that has been kept secret from all but a very few for a long, long time. For me it’s not bulimia, but wanting to hurt myself. Although it’s been many years since I actually did cut myself or anything physically harmful, the very idea of doing so has been remarkably persistent. At times annoying, at times worrisome… It was this post about your truth that made me realize the truth about my truth (does that make sense?): it’s a friendly signal that I’m not fine, that I am hurting, that I need help.

    I know you’re very busy, and I’m a lurker rather than a regular commenter here, but if you have a couple minutes, or if anyone who happens to read this comment has a minute, here is my truth: http://meetinggodinmemphis.blogspot.com/2013/07/telling-truth.html

    And at any rate, thank you, Glennon, for all your truth-telling. Hugs!

  3. have you ever been to a meeting? you should. you really should. it always helps me. always.

  4. have you ever been to a meeting? you should. you really should.

  5. “I hope that when they finish Carry On, Warrior they will remember that they are loved and that they are not alone. That is all and that is everything.”

    We will and we know. And I know we thank you. Again and again.

  6. Even though your writing has a way of inviting me in to cry on your living room couch, I can’t use my real name. I apologize for that because I’m still fearful of strangers (you are not one of them).

    Thank you for being courageous and faithful. I hear you and I hear myself in you and I think that my 8 year old and your 8 year old selves are best friends. Weird best friends. Like, Edward Gorey sketches of best friends sharing a small black umbrella in a rainstorm.

    So, even though we don’t know each other through the PTO, didn’t grow-up sharing our cafeteria lunches in grade school, or live next door to each other in messy crooked houses, know that I know you and you know me and we are pretty ok being “tortured artists” because we are blessed with the gift of bullshit goggles. We are blessed to see it ALL.

    Thanks for being you, G.

    Love,
    M

  7. I have not read your interview yet, but I will. Just as soon as I leave this comment.

    I really really REALLY, truly, with everything I have, wish that you would talk about your bulimia more. When it first took over your life, how you overcame it etc. I am sure you do not remember, but we have talked briefly over facebook before. I also have bulimia, I have had it for 22 years, it has taken over my life…..I have search your blog thousand of times, trying to find a post or two where you talk about it in detail. I beg of you (yeah, I am dramatic!) Please write a post.

    Okay, off to read your interview!

    • Okay, me again! Just read your interview (had NO idea you had bulimia at 8!!!??) and I read the comments, here, on your blog. Quite a few of us are bulimic…….anyway we can start our own little support group? Just knowing there “may” be someone else out there like me would help. The binges, the purges, the battles in your head, the journey of a binge, etc etc.

  8. G,

    I don’t believe that Happy is a destination, but a collection of those Moments that bring fleeting feelings of peace, contentment, joy, laughter…

    Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes it doesn’t.

    Keep on keepin’ on, G…

    Hugs and healing…
    ~Annah

  9. G, how you felt off the medication isn’t who you really are or how you “really” feel without the medication. Stopping medication like that tricks your brain. I am a therapist, and when my perfectly happy, functioning clients, who have so many strengths and so much with which to bless the world, stop taking their medication (for the same reasons you did) they at times end up being hospitalized. I liken it to stopping smoking cold-turkey– your body and brain will freak out. And, in this case, your brain starts to lie to you. So yes, maybe you need the medication, but maybe you don’t. Your little trial run there wasn’t a fair one. Your poor self didn’t stand a chance. You have to be weened off medication like that slowly. So don’t beat yourself up, G. With or without the medication, with or without the conviction that it’s even true, you ARE a warrior. You ARE a good mom. You ARE a blessing to all of us. And God IS using you. Hang in there. Once your body starts absorbing your medication again, you will start to feel more like yourself. In the meantime, treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. At least, there is nothing more wrong with you than is wrong with the rest of us. :) Love your heart. Praying for you.

  10. i see another post you wrote on my feedly, but it looks like you took it down. i just want to offer you a hug, through something i wrote, since that’s the way we can hug online. i feel shy to post it here — this is not a plug to get you to read my blog, or anything like that. i just feel your pain through your writing and i just want you to know — you’re not alone. you are not alone in this, at all. even broken and bruised, god is telling stories through us, beautiful ones. i’m thankful for your voice in my life and for your truth-telling.

    jeannie

    http://wanderingintothewoods.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/paper-lanterns-and-broken-trees/

  11. I’m a fan and I have your book and have re-read quite a few stories. Haven’t listened to the interview yet, but I plan to because I find you so down to earth and ever since you wrote the letter to your son about kindness at school I became forever fan, but not in a stalker way I promise.

    That said, I did read your post. It was brave and so real to admit bulimia still shows up in your life, but please, please don’t be OK with it. My best friend had a heart attack from bulimia. You have been lucky and it’s playing with fire to continue. I hope you are getting help and fighting it. Maybe you are and it’s in the interview. Please tell your fans this is a dangerous disorder and it really isn’t OK to accept it. You are a warrior. Please keep fighting ED! Peace otherwise!

  12. I’ve known of your blog for about a week now, but in that short time, you’ve brought a smile to my face nearly every day. It’s fun to watch your scary, beautiful adventure and I dream a little about how to start my own next adventure! Fantastic interview.

  13. Hey, can we do something to help Clover? She should not have to do this hard thing alone.

  14. I love that interview too. Your willingness to show the messy bits and curse and confess to the things that most people deny always motivates me to tell more of my truth, Glennon. Thank you.

    Striving for happy-ish and healthy-ish, Gail

  15. LOVED this interview. The part at the end about people remembering that they are loved and that they are not alone…that that is all and that is everything. YES. I have been learning in very deep, forgotten places within me that THAT is the truth I was searching for my whole life. That that is the only truth that matters…for me and for everyone else. Thank you, as always, Glennon.

  16. Thanks G. On a day I feel so scared and alone, you pick me up just by speaking the truth. The eviction notice I received today for the apartment I share with my 3 boy, is what it is, scary. Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe not. Your words give me strength and hope regardless of the outcome. I ask for prayers from Monkees everywhere. Your collective positivity certainly can’t hurt.

    • Clover, I’m praying for you. I know exactly what you’re going through, almost 8 years ago we were nearly evicted from our apartment. It’s scary and unsettling, but you can do hard things! You can remain strong for your baby boy and you let hope fill and nourish you through this time. I’m praying for a miracle but I’m so impressed with your courageous stance already. Carry on, Warrior Mom!

    • CLOVER! Please write to Monkee See Monkee Do and let us help!!! Contact Info on the blog. You are loved!

  17. Your courage gives me courage–thank you.

  18. Glennon, we just keep on keepin’ on…and keep doing…until it happens. Your bulimia, it is what it is. Carry on, Warrior. We can do hard things. Love wins. Broken IS perfect.

  19. Glennon, great interview. Your great humanity always shines through– you are just so KIND. And brave, of course.

    Also, thank you for introducing me to Brene Brown. I’m halfway through “Daring Greatly” and … I hesitate to make grand statements… but I think it’s changing me. I’m already finding it a little easier to try to be honest with my husband, because I am Enough. And if he doesn’t like what he hears, well… I am still Enough. And maybe someday he too will believe that he is Enough.

  20. I have never left a comment but have followed your blog for a while now. It seems that everything you post is exactly what I needed to hear that day. It never fails everytime I check in you post something that lets me know I am not alone! Thank you for being awesome. I love this idea of happy ish, I won’t feel so down on myself for having bad days now. I hope you will let my comments of praise sink in more than those dumb people that criticize you. You have helped so many, thanks for being amazing and spreading love to all

  21. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I am a sometimes recovered/sometimes participant in my bulimia journey and it is so hard to live in a life where people don’t understand it. Thank you for helping me see that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

  22. Well said. I love that you shared the quote/idea that God loves addicts the best. I truly agree. They are the most sensitive and loving people who cant take the harsh brutality of this world – channeling their energy would make this world a better place. Much love to you and your continued healing. Thank you for touching my heart and creating a place like this for us all to show love and compassion and TRUTH to one another.

  23. Your bravery astounds me. Bulimia is hard to crack because of the fact that you can’t just not eat and still survive. I still want to throw up, but rarely do. Sometimes ‘rarely’ is a win. But few people know that truth about me. (and since I’m not so brave, it would never make it to my blog and I’m not going to start now….)

  24. I think happy-ish is great.
    Also, about the bulimia. It’s not something we cure & it goes away like an ear infection. It’s a coping mechanism, an unhealthy one but still a way of coping, of course it comes back upon occasion! The trick is letting it leave just as quickly…

  25. Have you seen or read the book “ish?” It’s for kids — by Peter Reynolds — and talks about the beauty in expressing yourself, no matter how you do it. (Basically.) A great read for little ones, and very in-line with being happyish/healthyish!

  26. Glennon –

    The concept of happyish and healthyish is so powerful…especially in this age of the Facebook/Pinterest/scrapbook life vs. the real, day in day out life. I think what we see on social media is our generation’s version of “Leave it to Beaver.” We all enjoy watching it and making it a little or a large part of our life, but we also know it is not really real. And we still somehow compare ourselves to it and try to match the shininess of it in some way. That’s just my observation, maybe it only applies to me.

    Anyway and more importantly, how are you? Are you ok? For some reason I just feel the concern/need to ask you. I/we care about you a lot and don’t want to take for granted that you so often reach out to us and encourage us. How ya doin’…really?

    Love to you -b

    • I second B’s question. I’ve been concerned for you during/since the most recent leg of the book tour.

      The idea of happy-ish and healthy-ish is definitely something I need to allow myself. I have considered trying bulimia (how stupid is that for an adult woman?), but I haven’t and don’t think I will. Being old school, my models of “perfection” come less from FB and Pinterest than from stupid ol’ television.

    • I third that question, “Are you ok?” For the last week or so I’ve felt concern for you as well… Please do take care.

  27. Is anyone else having trouble opening up the interview?

  28. didn’t think it was possible to love you more than I already did, but I do!!

  29. I didn’t realize you struggled with an eating disorder. I do too and, like you, it shows up now and then. I never thought of it as a reminder to slow down but now I will.

  30. Hey G –

    Where you are is where you are. Thank you for being you and sharing everything with us. You recently signed a book for me in Pittsburgh – I was not there, but my BFF made the pilgrimage for me as I was in treatment myself, for depression and bulimia and PTSD. She kindly sent me the signed book and an 8×10 photograph of you and her holding a note saying that I can do hard things. It was one of the best welcome home gifts I received. And yes, coming home and readjusting to life as a stay at home mom of four after being in a healing cocoon for nine weeks is hard. But with grace and perseverance and faith, doable. Momastery adds to the mix nicely. Wishing you well – and for what it is worth, the 12 steps are a gift. Finding the right way to understand and work them is the key, and I think I have found that. :)

    • Hang in there, Sharon, and keep coming back here and to the Momastery FB page. You matter to us. :-)

    • Sharon, hug and kiss and value that friend because I’ve recently learned that true friends like that are few and far between. Congratulations on doing hard things!

  31. Happy-ish is good! Your honesty and brutiful life give hope to so many, especially addicts, recovering addicts, and their families. Your light shines bright for so many. You are loved, and I hope that love will carry you when the critics come out. They are just hurting in some way and need our love too.

  32. Thank you for sharing this interview – funny how things show up in your inbox right when you’re struggling the most:)

  33. LOVE.
    And I didn’t even notice any curse words. Not that I would care, nor did I scour for them, but none jumped out ;)
    Well said, friend. Love you.

  34. “It stops by to say, “something’s wrong, honey. Let’s step back, slow down, and focus up.””
    Omg, how powerful. Thank you for that perspective.

  35. Another post making it ok for humans to be human…thank you. We all need to be open to our imperfections and those of others. Forgiveness and encouragement to keep moving forward in our growth towards being a loving humanity is the best gift we can give ourselves and those around us. Thank you Glennon for showing people how to do that.

  36. Love you, Glennon! Happy-ish sounds like a good goal.

  37. As someone who’s pretty well acquainted with anorexia and the reappearance of all that crap on a fairly regular basis, i get it. Thank you for posting about it. Like you, I know it’s a problem, but I know it’s also a barometer. I like you, woman. Lots. Thank you for being so authentically likeable.

  38. I “really like us” too, G. We’re good people, huh? xoxo.

  39. This just might be my favorite post. Your poignant and I relate 1 million percent.

  40. I really admire you, Glennon.

  41. I love this interview! The thing about Step 9 “Made direct amends to such people, except when to do so would injure them or others” is, that like all the steps, it’s so beautifully written. I’ve learned that the most important person to put on my amends list is me. I have to make amends to my 19 year old self for all the poor decisions she made. And it sounds as if you have already made amends with your 8 year old self. Step 9 also allows us to be safe while making amends…”except when to do so would injure them or others.” Well I put myself in the category of “other” and if making amends to someone is going to cause me shame, pain, humiliation, etc then that is an injury to me. The steps are exquisite in their gentleness. Again, thank you for showing me that’s it’s okay to wear my recovery badge proudly. Doing so has been transformative! Love you!!!!

  42. Hi Glen,

    Binge eating still shows up in my life too, and it is the same thing–a big huge sign that says STOP and THINK and why are we feeling this way? What happened? Whenever it happens I like to think of the advice from your TEDx talk that talks about using our feelings as a guide, letting them be and letting that fear/anxiety/anger/depression/whatever guide us to what we are supposed to do next.

    Love ya G!

  43. Deep depression showed up this weekend for me. I thought I was coping, but apparently not. Thanks you for this post

    • Katherine, you’ve made it to this moment. I’d say that’s coping-ish. One foot in front of the other. As G would say, just show up. The rest will fall in to place. I speak from experience.
      Love,
      Tracie

      • Tracie, you are very kind. Thank you.

        • Hang in there, Katherine. I went through a situational depression years ago and I got through it. Now I use a few things with my body and my thoughts as a barometer so I know that’s time to slow down, step back, etc. similar to what G mentions about the bulemic moments. Keep getting up in the morning, one day at a time, and yes, likeTracie said, just show up.
          I love you, too.

    • Katherine, from someone who has been there – please see a doctor and/or therapist. Please. You sound as if you are still aware enough to be able to do that. If it gets further, that could be a lot tougher.

    • Katherine, Holding space for you and sending prayers of peace. Voicing your feelings are a step onto the right path.

    • Katherine, hang in there. Ask for help from anyone if it gets too much to bear. Ask for help before it gets too much to bear. Us Monkees are here for you.

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