Apr 012013

It’s book eve. Tomorrow is our Carry On, Warrior’s birthday.  For the first time, I haven’t called the delivery boss (doctor) and threatened to go postal if said delivery boss does not force-ably DELIVER THIS THING from my person early. I’m going for a natural delivery this time around. So tomorrow’s the day.

I’m on the road today. Tomorrow – on her birthday –  I’ll be in my hometown celebrating in my red tutu. My Sister and parents and  many of my best friends and hundreds of Monkees will be celebrating at a book signing with me. I know you’ll be there with me too. I always know that. And so I’m feeling scared but grateful . I can’t believe that I get to stand with all of these people who love me and were so afraid for me for so long and smile and say, Look, guys. We made it. You were right to believe in me. God and you and I – we turned my mess into something beautiful.

I wrote down a few things to take with me on the road. Just in case I get busy and nervous and forget who we are for a couple minutes.  I’m putting this list in my purse. So I can Remember and Not be Afraid.

1. We Can Do Hard Things.  

Life is not hard because you’re doing it wrong. Like marriage, parenting, and many things worth doing – Life is just hard. It’s okay

2. Love wins.

What you do matters less than how you do it. Just do what you do with love. 

3. We belong to each other.

Be confident  – you’re a child of God. Be humble – everyone else is, too. 

4. Just show up.

Things are not good, nor bad. Everything is a teacher. Be curious.

5. Breathe. Despite every shred of evidence to the contrary – All is Well.


I love you so.

Don’t worry about having a great day – just grab a couple great moments. That’s my plan, too.

Love and Hope and Heeeeeere We Go!


Apr 062013


I watched the news this morning. Got caught up on the basketball controversy, saw a clip from a documentary about school bullying, and heard some updates about global conflict. 

I think we’re all worried. We’re trying to figure out how to take better care of each other. That’s good. I really think that’s good. I feel a tide turning.

That tide is made up of a million women rising. Rising from their couches and rising above the rhetoric and saying this: I can’t fix it all, but I can do my part. And my part is this:

I’m going to be Kind and Brave. 

Because when the world becomes violent, we must be peaceful. When the world seems bad, we must be good. When the world seems brutal, we must be beautiful.

That is all and that is everything.

Here’s a little reminder from My Adam – who taught me what matters long, long ago.

Carry On, Love Warriors.




originally published on august 28, 2011


Dear Chase,

When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.

Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.

And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.

I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.


I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.

So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.

Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.

Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.

Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.

Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.


When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.

Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.

We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.

We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.

Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.

Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.

Don’t try to be the best, honey.

Just be  kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.

Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap.

I love you so much that my heart might explode.

Enjoy and cherish your gifts.

And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.




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