Nov 182012
 

 

Hello Friends. It’s me again –  Glennon.

My brain is quite slow and foggy this morning, so I probably shouldn’t be writing. But, the rule here (and maybe everywhere) is just show up and believe that whatever condition you are in, you are enough. So here I am.

Things at our home are beautiful, devastating, hopeful, hopeless, warm, and ice cold, depending on – I don’t know what. Things seem to be going along fine and then all of a sudden they’re not. Craig says something that reminds me of something else that sends me straight back to The News and I start feeling excruciatingly uncomfortable. In the past, this uncomfortable moment is when I would typically announce that I was very tired, and scurry off to hide in bed. But I am starting to learn that “tired” is not really a feeling. For me, it’s a shield that protects me from feeling other things. It’s too much to sort out- hurts too much – I’ll just sleep through it. It’s like when I was younger and someone would ask me how I felt and I would say, “I feel fat.” Well.  Fat is not really a feeling is it? Perhaps I meant lonely, angry, empty, excluded, out of control or unworthy. Probably. But I recognize “tired” as the same sort of misdiagnosis. So I’m trying to stay awake long enough to recognize the feeling that is making me so damn tired. It’s working a little. I’ve been able to recognize, acknowledge, and express anger, fear, and pain to Craig. Then I’m REALLY tired, so sleep it is. Progress, though. Good progress.

I’ve been fielding some criticism and advice about the way I’m handling The News. Some folks think I shouldn’t be talking about this at all. Kay. Here’s how this is gonna play out, Concerned Lovies.

I spent the first half of my life in the dark. Hiding parts of my self that I thought were too horrible to let anyone see. Hiding and pretending. This hiding and pretending made me very, very sick. Almost dead- sick.

Then I decided that there is nothing shameful about being human. That we are each broken and each beautiful, and that we really do have similar longings, feelings, traumas, flaws, gifts, fears and secrets. And I learned that we stay as sick as our secrets. So I turned my insides out and I started writing. And my truth started setting others free to share their truths. And with that, I did my little part to help the world be free-er. That’s what I do here. I do my part.

Now. If SHAME thinks that I can be scared back into my corner of hiding by trying to convince me that Craig, my marriage, or The Truth are too “bad” or scary to discuss publicly, ooooooh, Nelly.  Shame’s got another think coming. Back off, shame. I feel you and I hear you trying to silence me again, but the thing is that I KNOW you too well, shame. Get behind me. You are dead to me.

There is no use living out loud if you only do it when things are going smooth as silk. Lord, who learns anything then? That’s like being brave till things get scary.

Craig and I will handle our business with grace and truth and great respect for ourselves, our children, and the world. But there is nothing, BUT NOTHING, that will put me into hiding again. Just want to be crystal clear about that. I am a shameless truth teller and hope spreader. Nothing that happens around me or to me will change that. I am not a reflection of my circumstances or husband or children or home or job or friends or closet. I am just a soul trying to live IN THE LIGHT. Trying to follow the bread crumbs that God leaves for me. One crumb at a time. BELIEVING in myself. Believing in the truth to set captives free.

Although I’ve read everything Ekhart Tolle’s ever written, I never really understood the appeal of living in the moment. Seems too hard. ALL moments seem hard to me so really the idea of staying present and living in each of them doesn’t seem like much fun to me at all. But THE NEWS. It took the The News for me to finally get it. I get it now.

I have NO PLAN. I cannot tell you what my family will look like in five years or  two weeks. I cannot tell you what my career will be or where I will live or how I will live or who will be healthy or who my closest friends will be a year from now. I am forever finished with the “five year plan.” I am making no decisions.  We make our little big decisions and we are so sure of ourselves and our convictions and our “I would nevers and I will always”es, and God giggles.

All I know is that this morning, I will do what I know how to do. I will write. Then I will probably sleep. Then I will try to choose love and forgiveness a million times today.  I will screw up. I will forgive myself. I will tell myself again and again that I am a warrior. That I am strong and healthy and full of grace and wisdom. I will invite God in to help me every moment of this long day. I will yell to Him: COME IN! COME IN! I will try to notice the little kairos moments. I will remember that those, just like the tough moments and feelings, will quickly pass.

Tomorrow is miles and miles away. Just today. I can do today. So can you.

Love,

G

 

*photo credit: http://openclipart.org/detail/65143

 

 



Carry On, Warrior
Author of the New York Times Bestselling Memoir CARRY ON, WARRIOR
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  324 Responses to “There Will Be No Eclipse”

  1. Glennon, a dear friend who is a regular reader of yours directed me to Momastery when I told her about The News I discovered/received from my husband over the course of the past six months. Reading your posts (and I’m going to read every one of them until I’m all caught up) has given words to my pain and made me feel less alone. I can’t tell you how much that means to me in these dark nights of my soul.

    I can see that, like me, you’re a quote lover. One of that I’ve held near and dear since my darling youngest was diagnosed with cerebral palsy is by Wendell Berry. Perhaps you know it: “We live the given life, not the planned.” My copy of your book should be delivered today via amazon prime, and I look forward to adding many of your words to my journal of quotes to live by.

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you’re helping a sister in Oklahoma feel a little stronger, braver, less lonely, and less broken. Thank you. I’m hoping that by the time I catch up with where you are today, I’ll find you living in peace and love, no matter what life’s given you along the way.

  2. […] Brokenness reveals beauty. Here’s Glennon Melton, Momastery in the aftermath of her husband’s telling her The […]

  3. [...] I spent the first half of my life in the dark. Hiding parts of my self that I thought were too horrible to let anyone see. Hiding and pretending. This hiding and pretending made me very, very sick. Almost dead- sick. Then I decided that there is nothing shameful about being human. That we are each broken and each beautiful, and that we really do have similar longings, feelings, traumas, flaws, gifts, fears and secrets. And I learned that we stay as sick as our secrets. So I turned my insides out and I started writing. And my truth started setting others free to share their truths. And with that, I did my little part to help the world be free-er. That’s what I do here. I do my part. – Glennon Metlto, There will be no eclipse [...]

  4. YES YES YES. Thank you. And when you live out loud in the light….others can PRAY FOR YOU….and pray we will!! xoxoxo

  5. [...] by Glennon Melton over at Momastery for her reply to a comment on her blog post titled “There Will Be No Eclipse” (comment 31). She writes, “This is part of our work, our vocation, our art, and our [...]

  6. I don’t think that fielding criticism and advice is calling you to live in silence and shame. When you live out loud, complete with room for comments, it seems like you are inviting conversation. Which is good. I have been a dedicated reader of this blog – brought here by the Huffington Post. However, over the last several months, it can often feel like this has devolved into a blogger’s hyper-enthusiastic fan club. Glennon writes, a reader questions or provides an alternate perspective, and 150 defensive responses ensue. Although it probably (must!) feel good to have such a supportive audience, there should be room for careful, respectful dialogue that includes a different point of view. A questioning. Otherwise, why this forum?

  7. I just recently came across your blog, Glennon (as in yesterday) and have barely left my computer since, having become completely engrossed in your brutiful writing. In the course of 24 hours, I have fallen in love with you and your brilliance. . . like many others, it seems.

    Thank you for sharing!

  8. i just recently came across your blog, glennon (yesterday actually) and have barely left my computer since, having become so completely engrossed in your beauty, your brilliance. yes, i have fallen in love with you and your honesty, like so many others here.

    thank you from the top, middle and bottom of my heart.

    • Aleigh, me too!! I haven’t been able to stop reading since I found Glennon yesterday. I am in the middle of my own major life change and I am savoring every ounce of honesty, vulnerability, love and hope spread throughout her blog. And loving even more that I know I am not alone. I was literally perusing the internet two days ago looking for “cyber support” lol and not finding any. I prayed. I prayed that God would lead me to a place. And then I let go. The next day, I found Momastery. Beautiful!

  9. You are my favorite. Please, don’t go away. Mountains of love to you.

  10. “There is no use living out loud if you only do it when things are going smooth as silk. Lord, who learns anything then? That’s like being brave till things get scary.”

    This should be reproduced and shared with the world. You are a great philosopher. :)

  11. I think this is one of my favorite posts….maybe, ever? No shame, no five year plan, no two week plan…
    Things, fate, people, decisions change daily so even with a plan, you have to make room for adjustments.
    It’s getting through and making the decisions right for YOU, your family, your relationships…that’s what it’s all about.

    Carry on Warrior and we’ll do the same.

  12. Thank you for being so open and honest. I admire you for that and wish I could do the same. You are an inspiration. Please keep writing.

  13. [...] Brokenness reveals beauty. Here’s Glennon Melton, Momastery in the aftermath of her husband’s telling her The [...]

  14. When I blog about my “News” it’s very vague because there are other factors at play, namely the fact that my kids will end up googling me one day and scream, “TMI, MOM!!!” simply on posts I’ve written about sex, eating and loathing, nevermind their father’s issues. They know basics, but not the full story. Few people do. It’s a hell of a story, but for now, it’s my secret.
    But my feelings were mine, so I posted them. i got support from readers and non-support from few. If you check me out, start here…http://theglamourouslifeofanarmywife.blogspot.com/2011/05/no-i-am-still-alive.html
    If you want my wit, you’ll have to go before or after to find it. But reading other’s struggles helped me. I hope it helps you too.

  15. [...] and commitment to living her life so painfully open through the most difficult of circumstances.  In this post, she describes her commitment to write through painful and messy and intimately personal news. [...]

  16. Hi, thank you for living your story in the light. during this sensitive time, may i humbly suggest you have someone close to you weed through your comments and let only those who are supportive pass? i love you glennon, and you love me. http://www.honoringbrynn.blogspot.com

  17. YES!!!! A thousand times “YES!” Exactly that. Thank you for sticking it to SHAME. You did it so nicely, too. Such boundaries and bravery.

    Thinking of you during the holidays. I experienced our crisis right before Thanksgiving a couple years ago. Just know that I’m thinking of your whole family during this season. Praying. I’m glad that you have a great network of people to surround you with love. xo

  18. Everyone Deserves Music.

    http://youtu.be/OP5WrGyUqmc

  19. Thank you helping me to remember to invite God in. You are a phenomenal woman.

  20. Thank you.
    I am not a mother. I am not even married.
    But I love reading your posts and they do give hope.
    They show me someone who is living as herself, whatever that means in the moment, and who has strength and courage to live honestly and openly. These are things I am working on. I am making progress, and that is my aim (though I do forget at times and try for perfection but that is an old idea that no longer works for me).

    I am working on being able to be me and to be that person openly and honestly as best as I can today, right now.

    Keep sharing, as you feel right.
    Eleanor

  21. Powerful, dear G. Powerful.

  22. I LOVE THIS.
    THANK YOU.
    (sorry, but the caps lock was necessary!)

  23. So crazy, but I had this exact same epiphany a few weeks ago while struggling the past year to deal with the stupid effing news. I have been the consummate planner- and it’s worked to get me everything I seemingly wanted: 2 wonderful kids, a successful and prestigious career, and (I thought) a great marriage. When he walked out on us, I couldn’t cope. Part of the problem was how to deal with the destruction of the identity I had planned and constructed. I realized very recently (after much study, talking, work), if I stop planning, my identity will stop revolving around some dumb plan. Hard to do for someone who is type AA on a slow day. But, man, do I appreciate the day-to-day more. It’s amazing that you’re going through the exact same thing, G. I understand. It totally sucks to go through it. It’s been almost exactly a year since the rug was pulled out from under me. Sometimes, I’m amazed to realize that my kids are doing great, we’re all healthy, and I’m still alive, g-dammit… it’s not fine, but I can say that it’s better. Or as Whitney says– may she rest in peace– it’s not right, but it’s ok.

  24. Glennon. Thank you for sharing you. All of you. You , my virtual friend, that I have never met, are healing others by healing yourself – in a way that is changing the world. Yes, that can be scary for people, who find it difficult to confront their own ideas about sharing, or shame, or their own feelings about certain “matters” that shouldn’t be aired publicly. Our own shame and shadows are the most difficult to accept, but for me the greatest insights have come from loving them too. A wise woman, Wunjo Crow, says “You are a Sacred Being, Love yourself, Embrace Your Shadows and you will find Joy in who you are.” Love that. Thinking of you as you weather these moments. Lots of love and hugs.

    • Wow. Well said, Sonia. Thank you for that quote too. I am writing that down.
      Thank you for being for being so honest, Glennon. While your “story” is different than mine, so many of your feeling are so similar and relatable. Thank you for helping me be more honest and less ashamed.

  25. I’ve just weathered a really tough spot in my 16 year marriage. While we were in the middle of the tough spot, I spent a lot of time searching the Internets trying to figure out if what we were going through was normal or cause for a separation. I tentatively asked friends, my closest deepest friends, if it was typical to go through a rough spot.

    Hearing that rough spots are typical and that marriage takes hard work is one of the reasons that I decided to dig deeper and try harder to get my marriage back on track.

    And now ? We’ve never been closer, never been tighter. I’m grateful that there were a few others, like you, brave enough to share that marriage takes work.

  26. Eshet Chayil! You are a woman of valor!

  27. Wow. What a truly beautifully written post. Thanks for sharing xx

  28. amen, glennon.
    praying that you’ll get lots of prayer, less advice.

  29. Hi G,

    I’m just one little Monkee, but I love your writing. It has made me braver. It has helped me break the rules and know that when breaking the rules makes me feel very alone, I’m not alone. Thank you for sharing out of the broken and the beautiful. I think you’ve been incredibly tactful and wise and sensitive to your family’s needs for privacy in the midst of sharing the brutiful to help us (in the midst of all the emotions you must be going through, I’m in awe actually). So keep it up.

    One day at a time.

    Love, Laura

  30. Oh. My. Heaven. Glennon- you have got it going on my friend! I have never, never, never ever, been so touched by your words. Thank you for sharing your truth. Your truth is so helping me to set my own truths free… And that feels so good. I especially love the big evil eye you’re giving shame. Back away from the warrior Shame!

    For now, I will stay in the light with you Glennon- because shared lightness can break the darkness. Yet, thankfully the darkness cannot penetrate the light.
    Xo

  31. G – Don’t ever stop writing and sharing your truth. Your truth is also someone else’s truth. You are talking about things that so many people want to hide from and not deal with, for whatever reason. Talking, sharing, venting is POWER! Power to let go, power to connect with others who feel the same, power to realize you are not alone in your struggles…..POWER. Thank you for being so open to us all. Even though I have never had to deal with “The News”, I know that at any moment I could be in that situation. I am learning through your struggles and I feel blessed to be a part of the Monkee world. Thank you! PS – You referred to the kairos moments at the end of this blog. I clicked on the link and laughed. That blog was the first of yours that I read and became hooked to your world. I loved your honesty!

  32. Dear Glennon, Please never stop choosing to be a truth-teller. You are like fresh air, someone daring to live in the world without a mask. You are courageous and amazing. I admire you more for being yourself and showing yourself even when you don’t have the answers, don’t have things figured out, don’t know about tomorrow. I have heard many people share their stories after everything was ok again… “this happened and it was horrible, but then this happened and now it all makes sense, etc. etc.”. It is much harder to share moment by moment, in the midst of chaos. I respect you and encourage you to keep sharing and being open, as much as you want to be. It helps all of us to be brave enough to live out in the light instead of hiding parts of ourselves. Thank you so much.

  33. Hiya G… your truth is your truth and you’ve been nothing but respectful and graceful in how you’ve discussed it. And if The News was what I think The News was, statistically, you have a good three to five years before it’s all worked through.

    Keep on keepin’ on… you’ve been doing great. xo

  34. Glennon, you always fill me with such hope. I am so grateful that you share your thoughts and life with us. As you say, nobody ever learned anything from only talking about the easy things. So true. What I have noticed in my life is I am only criticized when I AM doing a brave thing. Other people seem to be thrown off by that. Maybe it’s just an uncomfortable reminder to them that there are some brave things they should be tackling. You are doing so well, just keep taking one step at a time. We’re all here if you need us x x

  35. Maybe it’s that I have been bombarded with bitchy women lately and I am fed up but this post makes me mad. You have been nothing put respectful, tactful, full of grace, beauty and truth in how you’ve disclosed what you are going through. I think to not share any of it would be strange since this space is what it’s all about, being real. This is the kind of crap that makes me hate being a women. If you don’t like it, DO NOT come here, do not read. There is so much goodness here. You have no idea how many people who are able to go on and continue to plug away at their own crappy life because of your honesty here. I love your blog!! I continue to send prayers your way that life, in all its messiness, gets a little less so for you!
    Susan

  36. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
    Don’t go back to sleep.

    You must ask for what you really want.
    Don’t go back to sleep.

    People are going back and forth across the doorsill
    where the two worlds touch.

    The door is round and open.
    Don’t go back to sleep.
    ~Rumi

    Hi Glennon and Monkees,
    It’s me again, Margaret. I’m dressed today. Just thought I’d throw that one out there. Although I was just thinking that there has to be a way to make my super cute butt jeans have more of a yoga pant elastic-y top. Not like jeggings. Gross. But like the cutest ever maternity jeans for when you’re not actually pregnant. More of a regular jean with a yoga pant waist. Actually that sounds disastrous. Anywhohaa.

    Ever since the news, I’ve been thinking about the shame and hiding that so many of us have been complicit in (me included). Wondering why we do it. Thinking about all the situations in which we are not only complicit in hiding but also become complicit in our own poor treatment or in the poor treatment of those around us. I keep thinking about not just receiving news, but all the situations in which we hide in shame.
    Our husband beats us, and we are embarrassed, ashamed, and cannot believe it’s happening to us, and so we beat ourselves up. Our partner cheats or struggles or fails, and we take on their failure. Our cousin gets sexually assaulted by our grandfather and we cannot believe something like that happens in our family and so we shame her. We defend men for leaving and call the single moms they leave behind bitchy. We call those that ask for help takers. We date yet another jack ass, we fall off the wagon, we eat too much, we cut ourselves, we yell at our kids, we sleep around, we shame other women for being too pretty, too happy, too sad, too fat, we fail, we succeed, we lie, WE REMAIN SILENT WHEN WE SHOULD BE LIVING OUT LOUD.
    Why is it that we take things that happen to us as reflections on who we are? If someone treats us poorly why do we not jump up and down and say, “NO!” Instead so many of us apologize for our very existence and shrink back into the dark. Glennon, you’ve jumped up and down and said, “No!!! I am whole and I am okay and I am sad and I am broken, but I am NOT ashamed.” That scares us. That scares us because as a society, as individuals, as faith communities, as women, knowingly and unknowingly, we have been complicit in the darkness, in the shame. When I got my own news I didn’t tell. You told and in doing that you empowered me to know that me being complicit in my own shame is not okay. AND I LOVE THAT. I thank you for that. But maybe for others, your telling triggered their shame cycle. The more of us that become empowered though, the easier it will be for the rest of us to come out of the shame closet. You living out loud says to us, not only can we not be silent about what has happened to us, we cannot be silent about what we have done to others, and we cannot be complicit in shaming our sisters. This: “I am not a reflection of my circumstances or husband or children or home or job or friends or closet” is scary AND redemptive to so many of us.
    And once we’ve seen the light? We can’t go back to sleep. Oh we can take a nap. We NEED naps. Just like toddlers, who naturally live out loud, we need extra rest and energy because living in the light is hard. It’s exhausting. But we can do hard things. We can stay awake. The door is open. Right here. Right now. I have moments awake in the light. I look forward to living there. But in this moment, I know that moments are enough.
    Not sure if any of those scrambled, jumbled thoughts made sense, but we don’t have to make sense, right? Today, I’m just showing up.
    Love,
    Margaret
    Minneapolis

  37. God giggles….so true. I keep beating myself up over not having A PLAN. I am forever grateful for the reminder to stay in the moment. Thanks again for your honesty. It makes it easier to get through the day, knowing you’re there somewhere trying too.

  38. This is your story and you tell it out loud how you want. You are helping people to make a decision, whether to move on or to stay and make it work. I’m sorry but how dare anyone question you talking about your life out loud, especially you marraige and telling us some of the details. There is nothing wrong with someone, a writer, a columnist or what have you to write about their heart. You are a writer. You process things differently. You are not private. You were not meant to be. I know you are ladylike private (like you won’t say fart, ha ha) but when it comes to life and what it can do for others, you live large lady. You need to FEEL and if writing makes you FEEL and HEAL without harm to yourself and you know what I mean – then FEEL. I am here. I am your friend, 5 years, 10 years 50 years. Hugs to you Glennon Melton.

    • ….and I read no other blog. I have no desire. Even if you recommend. Your heart is the only heart I need to hear sing. I live simply. you are the sh*t. ‘nough said.

  39. You are such a wise soul! I love this: ” I am just a soul trying to live IN THE LIGHT. Trying to follow the bread crumbs that God leaves for me”. I think sometimes people are crumbs (in one way or another:o) and whether we see it at the time or not, they, or what they’ve done, DO lead us where God wants us. So thankful for you and your insightful ways!

  40. Thank you for writing it. You are doing what you need to do, but also, it’s so worth having the “trying” online. Online seems so often to be just about the good and the perfect and the minute that is harder to see, so are the blogs. Or people just give up. I hope and pray that you are able to find a new good place for the two of you, but whether that happens or not, I applaud you for trying first. And for sharing, so hopefully more people will try first.

  41. That was absolutely Brutiful. See, I really needed that today. I am struggling this week. My father passed away 10 months ago and Thanksgiving was always HIS holiday. You see, my mom got Christmas and my dad got Thanksgiving. Divorce= sucks, but we deal. So, this year my husband and i decided that we will do Thanksgiving, just the 5 of us ( my 3 kiddos and he and I) and we will make not one promise as to how the day will go. I will probably be a mess. So, any Monkey thoughts sent my way will really help me this week. Sadness, tears, anger and uncertainty will be a given in my house. All that being said, I was struggling because I wanted to make it right for my kids. But… you know what, they will love me, I will love them and it will all be O.K, this I know. Thank you G… mean it!! xoxo

    • Praying for you, Amy. Through the tears, you will smile. I’m sure your dad gave you plenty to smile about and forcing yourself to think of those moments will hopefully help. Keeping one of his traditions or sayings will keep it alive for your kiddos.

      “When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” Kahil Gibran

      • Thank you Sandra. Your words bring tears. It is so nice that us Monkees love and support each other even though we are strangers.. Hey, that is what being a Monkee is all about :). We can do hard things, life is brutiful, live out loud! I will in fact, weep, but you are so right when what I will be weeping about are good memories and feelings. Thank you, and Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. xoxo

    • Monkee thoughts coming your way… Wishing you a peaceful Thanksgiving.

    • Praying for you, Amy. We can do hard things!

  42. I got some “news” yesterday. Some of it was new news and some of it wasn’t. I feel like my husband and I are getting through a phase and then we dip right back DOWN into the beginning of it again. I can’t get out of the fog I seem to be in, which means I’m really struggling to do some of the things I need to do to work through this. Some issues we have seem to never go away and I feel sometimes like they never will. He doesn’t want me to “tell our business” to people. So, I respect his wishes. But, I feel lost. is that a feeling? I am tired… of going through this, but I just can’t give up. I feel comfortable sharing here because even though I’m giving my name, no one really knows who I am. I am scared. I’m scared for what is at risk of losing, for my son, for my marriage. I have been with my husband for 12 years now and I feel like we just keep going in circles and never working our way out. We work our way closer to getting out of the circles each time we go through this, but never out. I’m sad, scared and losing hope. And I feel like if we haven’t fixed this after 12 years, will we ever? How can I give up on what I know God is capable of?

    • Hugs, Carla – I will keep you in my thoughts.

    • I’ve felt that lostness dealing with my marriage issues, too, especially when we were newly married and I didn’t think I was allowed to talk about my imperfect marriage with anyone. I really think it’s important/essential to talk through those issues with someone, whether a therapist or close friend. There’s a difference between ‘telling your business’ to others for no purpose or to bash your husband, vs. getting necessary support to walk through tough times. And I don’t know if our marriages will ever be fixed in this lifetime…we all come with our own set of issues, and when those things collide in a marriage there’s bound to be pain. Praying for grace and growth over time…for my marriage and yours.

  43. This is going to sound funny, but since you are an avid reader, I think that you will get it. Last week I read 77 Shadow Street by Dean Koontz. One of the best of his, I think…but I digress…there is a little boy in the story, his name is Winny, and HE IS YOU. Every time I read his thoughts or dialogue, I thought of you, and it made me giggle, because I think he’s like 8 or 9 in the story, and OH HOW I WISH we had more 8 or 9 year olds that felt the way he did.

    Anyway – over this Thanksgiving holiday – read a fiction book if you get a chance…I think you’ll get a kick out of what I saw when I read this one. :)

  44. So many “aha” moments in this post. OMG! What? “Fat” isn’t a feeling? I need to think about this one. Thank you Glennon! I am so glad you are living out loud. You make a difference to me. And living out loud means YOU are living. Praise God. Love you.

  45. Shame, my dear friend, is a monstrous bitch. Shame can kiss my lily white butt. ;-)

  46. I recently found your blog and have enjoyed every post I’ve read. Even the hard ones. (To write and to read, I’d imagine.)

    I can only say this: I don’t know you personally. You don’t know me. But…you are one of the bravest, most inspiring women I have come across. Do your thing. Don’t hold back. You are loved.

  47. “I am starting to learn that “tired” is not really a feeling. For me, it’s a shield that protects me from feeling other things.”
    So, so true. I’m noticing I do this a lot myself. (Just don’t tell my husband. I’m not sure I’m ready to drop my shield yet.) Although lately, it takes some heavy-duty sleep aids to get me to sleep at all. Maybe my body’s trying to force me to face those feelings. But how are you supposed to do that when you’re just so darn TIRED?

  48. During a run before I read his post I mentally thanked you for your openness and honesty. While I have some strengths, this openness in the face of pain is not one of them. Thank you for living this with honesty and grace. Thank you for being an example of how bad things happen TO you and thank you for showing how such bad things do not define YOU.

  49. Great post—you’re so right about all of it. Your strength and conviction inspire me greatly.

  50. Sweet Glennon, Keep telling your truth. It’s what keeps bringing me back, bringing us all back.

  51. I woke up at 3 this morning thinking about this post. I wrote these words in my journal several weeks ago when I was feeling a little pressure to not write about some things, and they are also perfect for this situation. No shame. No blame.

    “My story is my own. I have a right to tell it. It is part of me. If you don’t like it and try to lay judgment on me, it won’t change my story, but it will damage our relationship. When you bring out the shoulds, it feels like you are disrespecting me. It’s not that I don’t care what you think or that I want to hurt you. I do care. I don’t want to hurt you. But me telling my story is not about you. It is about me accepting myself and my story without shame.”

    • Wow. That’s brilliant.

    • Anna,
      Mind-blowing. Seriously. Thank you. You put into words what has been churning in me for about 6 months. Is it wrong to have these thoughts about my new husband? Or his family? Is it wrong that there are totally IMPERFECT (by imperfect I mean AWFUL and UGLY) parts of my story?

      No. It’s not wrong, I’m not wrong, I am myself. When I come out of hiding, there’s no chance for shame to stick it’s nasty fingers around my throat.

      Thank you for this. God forbid I write about MY OWN LIFE in my own journal. Sheesh. Funny the things we’ll listen to. Tonight I’m going to shut up the enemy, and if he keeps pissing me off, I’m going to just tell me story louder until this is not one iota of space for shame the killer.

      Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart.
      Jess

  52. Thank you, Glennon, for telling the truth x And I think it works both ways to combat loneliness and darkness: your listeners (or readers, here!) feel less alone, and so do you.

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