After Megan wrote to me . . . I responded like this:
Dearest Megan. What a thing to receive on a sick day. WHAT a thing. JUST the thing. You have offered me such a gift. When you were really sick, did you get that panicky feeling, that JUST at the time you should be making the most of every moment (because what if your moments were more limited than most) you couldn’t at all? All you could do was hate all the moments really really much tons? And that made you even more panicky and guilty and sad? That’s how I felt today, and then you offered me this beautiful gift . . . and I feel like maybe I AM making the most of my moments. Even from bed. And THAT, MEGAN, IS AMAZING TO ME. Thank you. THANK YOU AND bless your beautiful strawberry blonde head. Keep writing to me about your brutiful life. And kiss Mindy for me. We really can do hard things can’t we? LOVE. G
Later that afternoon, I received this letter, from THE Mindy, of Mindy Monday.
Dear Glennon,
My special friend and chemo-sabe Megan wrote you 2 days ago, and I gather it was a needed encouragement to your heart.
Oh sister- friend, I have been there. I am still there.
There is a memoir book Megan and I both read through chemotherapy- He Leadeth Me- by Walter Ciszek. He was a Jesuit priest who felt called to go into Russia during WWII. He was discovered, captured, and spent the next 23 years in prison or work camps. He writes extensively about knowing God’s will, and he comes to the simple truth that God’s will for our life is exactly what he has given to us for that day. He also speaks plenty about suffering. It is a good book to read when one finds herself suddenly getting injected by poison every week which is why Megan gave it to me.
“We come to expect God to accept our understanding of what his will ought to be and to help us fulfill that, instead of learning to see and accept his will in the real situations in which he places us daily. …The plain and simple truth is that his will is that he actually wills to send us each day, in the way of circumstances, places, people and problems. The trick is to learn to see that- not just in theory, or not just occasionally in a flash of insight granted by God’s grace, but every day. Each of us has no need to wonder about what God’s will must be for us; his will for us is clearly revealed in every situation of every day….The temptation is to overlook these things as God’s will. The temptation is to look beyond these things, precisely because they are so constant, so petty, so humdrum and routine, and to seek to discover instead some other and nobler “will of God” in the abstract that better fits our notion of what his will should be.[It is] the temptation faced by everyone who suddenly discovers that life is not what he expected it to be. The answer lies in understanding that it is these things- and these things alone, here and now, at this moment- that truly constitutes the will of God. The challenge lies in learning to accept this truth and act upon it, every moment of every day.”
I do not want to be preachy, at all, but I do want you to know that you are PRECISELY where God wants you to be at this moment. NONE of your moments are in vain. All are for his purpose. ”For just as surely as man begins to trust his abilities, so surely has he taken the first step on the road to ultimate failure. And the greatest grace God can give such a man is to send him a trial he cannot bear with his own powers–and thus sustain him with his grace so he may endure to the end and be saved.”
Being sick, having cancer, dealing with my mortality, the limitations of my body, and even feeling betrayed by my body were not things I thought I would deal with when I was 34. However, we don’t get to choose our path, we just get to choose how we walk our path. I choose God. I choose walking his path with obedience every time, because I know how faithful he is.
My mantra when I started to doubt or have fear was:
Either God is love…or he isn’t.
Either God is in control….or he isn’t.
Either God is trustworthy….or he isn’t.
Either God redeems….or he doesn’t.
The scary thing about breast cancer is if you are stage 4, ie cancer has spread to any place outside your breast, you are no longer curable. The survival rates plummet. So, the night before my PET scan I was trying to be ok with whatever God gave me, but I couldn’t pray “I am OK with metastatic cancer.” I could pray, with total sincerity, “not my will, but yours be done.”
Glennon, never doubt, please, that you are not precisely where God wants you to be. I don’t have any good answer for why you have Lyme disease and Alejandro, and why you feel SO bad. But, I do know that the revolution, the movement you have started is real and true and speaks to all different types of people about God, and his love, and healing our world by demonstrating the love God first gave to us. And if nothing else, this love revolution is straight from the heart of God. And, for some reason, there are times that he allows you to feel bad and to take to your bed. Perhaps it is just that you are so honest and that you share your struggles and physical difficulties and one other Monkee out there feels heard and less alone? How amazing is it that we have a God that can take our horrible, broken, suffering, and transform and redeem those moments into beautiful stories?
Sister, you gave Megan and I such hope in such a difficult time of our lives. When I wrote you the first time I was DESPERATE for a connection to someone to tell me “YOU ARE OK. GOD HAS THIS.” And YOU, Glennon did that. I cannot thank you or love you enough for being God’s instrument of love and blessing in my life during that time. Truly, I am crying thinking of that point in my life and how you reached out to me. Bless you! Love, Mindy
I remember the day Mindy wrote to me. I was in bed. Craig had taken the girls to the library. I was too weak and tired to go. I got Mindy’s email about entering chemo and needing some love. And I wrote back and went to sleep. And at the time, on that day- all I could think was –what a wasted day. I am a waste of space. I am wasting my days.
Hah.
Let His will be done, today, through us, in whatever pathetic physical, mental, emotional, financial state we find ourselves this morning. Amen.
And for my Non Goddy Lovies whom I love so very, very much and whom I NEVER want to feel excluded from the party because of the Goddy talk….as I read Mindy’s letter, one of my favorite poems came to mind. I think it’s a decent translation of Mindy’s message.
Desiderata
Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
-Max Ehrmann
We are in this together, sisters and brothers. Love Wins. THIS IS THE DAY. START FROM WHERE YOU STAND. OR KNEEL. OR LIE.
LOVE AND HOPE AND SUCCESS IN THE LITTLE ITTY BITTY THINGS WE CAN DO ARE THE TRUTH. YOURS FOREVER- G
My kitchen.
One thing I have learned this year is learning to accept the method. We all want God’s goal for us. Often his method is what we argue with. Praying wisdom and courage for you.
This was our Second Reading at Mass yesterday. Its amazing how the same message is put in our ears from so many different places all at once.
2 Cor 12:7-10
Brothers and sisters:
That I, Paul, might not become too elated,
because of the abundance of the revelations,
a thorn in the flesh was given to me, an angel of Satan,
to beat me, to keep me from being too elated.
Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me,
but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is made perfect in weakness.”
I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses,
in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.
Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults,
hardships, persecutions, and constraints,
for the sake of Christ;
for when I am weak, then I am strong.
Many of you are enduring some pretty terrible “Thorns” but you have a remarkable “Power” within you.
Recognizing that the crappy parts are actually the pathway……..NOOOOOOOOOO! LOL, or maybe it should be COL (cry out loud).
Mindy, thank you for writing to Glennon and then, letting her share it. Thank you for holding fast and choosing God.
Glennon,
This is exactly what I needed to read on this brutiful morning. Today is the day that my family lays my mother to rest. And the ache in my heart is palpable. This helped. If for a moment. My mantra for today: “Let His will be done, today, through us, in whatever pathetic physical, metal, emotional, financial state we find ourselves this morning.”
Thanks. Susanna
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so very sorry you’ve lost your mother.
Just letting you know, you are being thought of today.
Thank you…terrific post.
monkees,
for you chronic pain warriors, please tell me how you cope. I love my child more than anything. I have endured this suffering to be with him. however, the pain is getting worse and the remedies are few. how do you keep going on?
Elise,
I just wanted you to know that I will fall asleep tonight praying for your healing and renewing and peace.
Love to You Monkee.
Susie.
thank you for your kindness.
Elise,
Elise,
Elise. Love and hugs and will for you to find your ways to keep going coming at you!
Thank you, G, for reminding us that sometimes the smallest bit of care shown can be huge to the recipient.
And congratulations again to Mindy and Megan for fighting the good fight.
thank you
Tears are stinging my eyes as this post touches my heart in a way I so needed this morning. Not only did I need this, but so did my marriage and my family. Thank you.
I love this message! I have been questioning whether i’m doing anything meaningful because everything right now for me seems so mundane. The last time you referenced Desiderata, i printed it on the wall of my yoga space. Floor to ceiling!
Ceiling to floor. Ha! Otherwise i’d have to stay in headstand!
Wow i cannot add anything. I just love this blog…..it’s always just what i need. blessings to G and Megan and Mindy and all the lovable monkees here. thanks for sharing you don’t know how or who it helps:)
Mindy, you so hit the nail on the head. Glennon, thank you for sharing Mindy’s letter. I too am a young cancer survivor and have been struggling with why God, who so cherishes each one of us, would put us through such a trial. I am two years post-treatment and I am slowly accepting He had a reason, it just may not be clear to me yet. I plan on sharing the excerpt Mindy shared with my Bible study this morning.
I’ve been reading this blog for awhile, how do I join? The “Join the Monkees” text on the homepage isn’t clickable…I’m sure I’m doing something silly. Can anyone help?
Thanks much!
Welcome Tara, you are a Monkee the minute you arrive here
Much love!
Yay! Thanks so much
G,
I cry every time I read your posts lately but today really struck a cord with me. I’d never heard of the Desiderata before a college friend died in a freak car accident a few months ago. It was something she had posted on Facebook a long time ago and the one line she said she loved – “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should” – gave a lot of us strength when we struggled to understand why someone so young, so full of life, had been taken from us in the blink of an eye. Seeing the Desiderata in your blog post today made me sob with relief because I feel that it’s a sign that Emily is happy and safe. Thank you!
Another non-Goddy here….G, you make the Goddy stuff actually accessible and believable to someone like me. I think you’ve managed to find a way to bring us all together and make it just about the love. In the end, that’s all there really is, right? Thanks for your amazing writing, and for helping so many.
Thankyou for this. Just what I needed to hear today. There are times when I feel I am wasting the day too from body pain or anxiety and your words remind me that it’s not. That each time I pray for someone or say something to uplift someone is really my life’s purpose. We always think that what we do needs to be “huge” when in reality the small things (done with love) is what counts.
There is always a person that can benefit from our love:)
Thanks g,
Just what I needed to hear today on what felt like you said a wasted day.
Cheers
Selina
LOVE THIS!! I borrowed the quote from Walter Ciszek and I will be looking for his book! It is so easy to trust God when things are good, but trusting Him and finding joy when life is hard is where we really see our faith! “consider it pure joy, when you face trials of many kinds” james 1:2 Praying for you all!
“…we don’t get to choose our path, we just get to choose how we walk our path…” Sums it up nicely! And takes a lot of pressure off us, too, don’t you think? We don’t sit there blaming ourselves for whatever choices we’ve made that have led to the present juncture; we just man up and deal with whatever lies before us. Start where you are.
I need that sign that is in your kitchen! I have that verse written on little post its all over my kitchen and house, but the sign is wayyyy better! I love it! Please tell me that you bought it somewhere and did not make it. I am not that crafty
Oh ladies…Glennon, Mindy and Megan – What an amazing, beautiful testimony that has deeply touched my heart today…praying with and for you…so thankful to have your words impact my life…Ahhh – pure music to my ears…thank you for being so very real! God is everywhere, thank you for teaching us to see Him every minute – even the dark ones!
Nothing is wasted – nothing! “Love never fails”, and you are doing what you are doing, in love. God blows life into it, and it grows. We don’t often see the harvest, here, but I have a feeling we are going to be absolutely blown away in heaven when we can finally see what He’s been up to all this time, and how He’s used our meager efforts to weave something beautiful.
You are not a waste, and you are not wasting. Know that deeply, Glennon.
Glennon…Thank you.
Hi Glennon and MIndy and Megan,
It is SO MUCH EASIER to hear this from someone who is suffering or has suffered than to hear it from someone for whom life is, at the moment, an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top. I want to say, “Well, duh! Of course you’re joyful. Of course you’re full of peace of joy. Why wouldn’t you be??”
Also, Glennon, I loved the poem you posted. I especially loved the line “If you compare yourself with others you will become vain or bitter.” So very true. I believe (most) women have a tendency toward comparing themselves with others which can cause a lot of unnecessary pain. I would love to see a post from you on this.
Much love and THANK YOU for coming along in my life when you did.
Pam
I believe there is a difference between what we want to have in our lives, and what happens to us in our lives. One of those things we can control, the other we have to learn appropriate ways to react. Either way, I am eternally fascinated by the ways in which people do these two things. I find Mindy’s words thought-provoking after what she has endured. We are mothers of the same age and I’m not sure I would react if faced with her reality.
Mindy, you are truly amazing in your grace. You too, Megan. If not for the “bullshit” circumstances that brought you together, there would be less grace, less hope, less love and less compassion in the world. Thank you for sharing your words and insight.
Glennon, your days spent prostrate and away from your babies are some of the hardest for you, I’m sure. But someday (maybe even already, because you say Chase is wise) they will understand the stories and words that were birthed from these days and they will know how very much you loved them even if you couldn’t go to the library.
Much love,
SL
I’m moved and stunned by the identification of the despair I have felt since I was first diagnosed stage IV over four (!) years ago. There’s tremendous pressure to ENJOY EVERY MOMENT, because everyone is shocked and appalled that you’ve got cancer, AND four young daughters, and HOW GRATEFUL YOU MUST FEEL to be alive every day. Except you’re not. You’re exhausted from weekly chemo for four years, from CT scans every six weeks, from EKG’s and ECHO’s every six weeks, from having to still keep a household of four young children running, with cancer, from fumbling through the ongoing despair of realizing that the hope you’d had–to live a life of joy, to have a happy marriage, to be an energetic and “fun” mom–is all ashes. Of course I’m grateful. But I’m fucking tired. Fatigued beyond what even a week of constant sleep might begin to cure. The grief is incessant and overwhelming, and my brain is in such a fog I’m no longer even despairing, because I’m so. very. disconnected. from. my. brain. It’s debilitating. I fantasize about being committed to a mental facility just so I could get some rest and have someone else take care of me for awhile. I yearn to go catatonic. So yes, as my ever-thoughtful mother-in-law so thoughtlessly told me the last time I had a clean scan and couldn’t summon up the glee that is expected, “Well, it could be worse.” Yes, it could–I could be dead. As it is, I’m not dead, but feel like death warmed over, and no longer puzzle over that nebulous term “quality of life.” I get it. I get it. I’m so glad you do too. It’s utter relief to know I’m not alone. Thank you, to you and Mindy Green and Megan, too.
Heather,
You are not alone, and I’m thankful that this post has helped you to know that. My prayer in this moment is that you will feeling it deeply in your bones, and that feeling will bring you some peace and renewed strength. I promise to keep praying this for you.
With love,
Virginia
Thank you, Virginia. What a lovely prayer. And what kindness, to offer , prayers, those wing-ed things offered as missives to an often inscrutable divine, the recipient of which i’ve been a lucky recipient. Because faith, too is mostly borrowed on this dark road.
No Heather, you’re not alone. I’m here thinking of you and sending you prayers right now. Have you found the forums on http://www.breastcancer.org ? A wonderful community of supportive women in similar situations, a good place to cry, laugh, and vent with others. If you’re there, be sure to say Hi to me.
“jenlee” on bco
Jenifer, I will sign up. I’m not so great at online communities–I joined Inspire.com back in ’08, and I love the women there, too. Sometimes melding my physical life with my online life is too great an effort, so I stay offline hoping for more energy for the physical one. Thanks for the encouragement.
I am the youngest of four daughters ( and a mother of 2 boys and 2 girls), and your post leapt at me.
I wish I had words to say, but, like your mother-in-law, I just don’t know. I will trust in God who can do “infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.”
Praying now!
v
Heather,
I am so deeply moved by your posting. although we have different illnesses, I have thought very similar things. I wish I could wipe away all that ails you, as I wish for all the other posters and, of course, G. all I can offer you iis my humble virtual hand. through prayer, I will stand beside you In spirit, to encourage to keep going, to comfort you, and to remind you to find joy in any possible way, such as in the smiles of your children. I also pray that you will write to G privately to see if there is a monkee in your area who will do the same, but be there for you in person.
Great idea, Shannon. Thank you for your kind words. I found joy yesterday in corn on the cob. Yay!
Hugs to you, Heather. I wish I could lighten your load today. You are never alone!
xoxo, Erin. Thank you.
[...] brilliant words of wisdom from Momastery about God’s will here, and a lovely poem I borrowed [...]
Dearest Glennon,
Thank you for this post! I have been a Monkee since Mindy Monday when I came across your post and have been a fan ever since. I have been praying for you and all the Monkees but today I had to let you know that your suffering and your feeling of “wasted days” has touched me as well. I have chronic migraines that have worsened since having my children (something with hormones maybe?). I’ve always had them, but now that I have little ones relying on me I can spend days at a time in bed, awaking only to vomit in my trusty trash can. The headaches are worse in the heat, so over the past 10 days I have felt I am wasting my babies’ days away, by not being able to take them outside, by all of us playing quietly with the shades drawn, buy them watching too much tv while I’m in the bathroom over the toilet. And all this time I think to myself, “good Lord it’s just a headache! Look at Mindy, and Megan, who have cancer, and I am wasting my days over a HEADACHE!” I would like to have more babies (we are blessed with a 1 and 4 year old) but I am secretly terrified of the pregnancy migraines all over again.
My point is, thank you for this post. Maybe my days aren’t wasted, but right where God wants me to be. I take great comfort in this thought! I always thought the migraine was keeping me from what He had planned for me and my family that day, that I was holding everyone back. Maybe He’s just giving my husband the chance to look like a rock star dad and partner!
Thank you again! I hope you are feeling better this week. God Bless you and Sister and all the Monkees!
Amy
Amy, it is incredible how debilitating a headache is. I can’t even function when I have a bad one. I can’t think straight, I can’t smile, I can’t be patient. I’m not even really myself. Thank goodness that, for now at least, Excedrin Migraine (or an equivalent generic) keeps them under control. What sort of meds have you tried? And I have a friend who was able to decrease the frequency of her migraines by cutting out gluten. She still gets them, but not nearly as often. Don’t give up on a solution! It’s hard to think about solving the problem when you are suffering, so talk it out with someone who can think without pain. Feel free to email me.
Thanks for your comment! I have been on multiple preventative medications, some which make a mild difference, all which have side effects. (I’m trying to get rid of 40lbs of “medicine weight” as I call it). I now get Botox injections which cut down the migraines to about 15-20 days a month which is awesome, but it has worn off (I get re-injected Monday) and these past two weeks I’ve been a mess. There is something called “The Migraine Diet” written by a neurologist at Hopkins that I’ve tried to follow but it is very restrictive so I have not followed it to a T. Gluten is not included in it though. My sister in law had an improvement in her migraines going gluten free, my other SIL’s mother (who has chronic migraine like me) did not have improvement. At this point I’ll do anything. I’m starting acupuncture tomorrow so I’m hoping a combination of things will help as well. Any other advice is welcome! Thank you again!
amy
Amy,
I am a chronic migraine and headache sufferer too. I have them daily. I also have a one and four year old. I started getting the headaches out of the blue after my second child and every day has been a struggle. I finally have the family I’ve wanted for so long and now I’m in constant pain and can’t be the mom I want to be. I think of Mindy and Megan and others and think things could be worse but some days it doesn’t feel like it can get any worse. My kids are what keep my going. And this blog and Glennon. I never post but every time I am feeling espeically down there is a new post that lightens my day a little and more importantly, gives me hope. Hope for a new medicine, a cure, pain relief, or just hope that his all means something. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I feel for you and understand your situation. I don’t have anyone in real life who understand mine. I wish you luck with your accupuncture and your next round of botox!
And thank you to Glennon and all the monkees who have helped make this last year not as horrible as it could have been. I do think that the fact that the worst year of my life pain wise and depression wise coincided with me finding this blog means something. It inspires me to keep moving forward and reminds me that yes, i can do hard things and sometimes i can even do them well.
Chronic migraine sufferer here as well. I’ve tried the gluten free diet. I’ve tried just organic fruits, veggies and meat. I get them hormonally and they ahve gotten worse with kisd. I was considering trying bioidentical hormones. I’ve heard Topamax helps a lot and am considering that. Just wanted to say that I get it! I often relate to feeling like you just want to LIVE. Fully understand these posts!
This comment is for Mindy and Megan.
Thank you so much for sharing your stories!
I am such a believer in the importance of recognizing the God moments in our day and you have done a fabulous job showing us that in the midst of our struggles, God is still there. I know that God is there for all of us, but sometimes I think that a communal Cry Out to God sort of wakes him up a little. A bit like the story of Moses in Exodus, right? I really believe that our Momastery Cry for Mindy on Mindy Monday was a Cry Out to God. He heard us, yes, (because he always does) but through that, I believe he allowed US to hear him. Which is even better!!
Occasionally, I write a bit about how I see God in my life. It’s always in small ways since I don’t have cancer or lyme or addiction. In fact, I’ve lived a rather privileged life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need God, just the same! If you’re curious, you can check it out: http://befriendingfaith.wordpress.com/
Megan, I’m in Phoenix too, and would LOVE to meet up with you (and Mindy, too, if you come back for a visit)!
I so love what Momastery is about! Thanks Glennon for bringing us together through your amazing words, your inspired thoughts, and, unfortunately, your pain.
Yes! Yes! Yes! In the LDS Church we often talk about how there are miracles all around us in the connections that we make, people that help us and that we help, and in the prayers answered.
I don’t know why this post brings me to tears, but it does. Your posts deeply touch me, and so many, so much of the time. You are a gift, to the universe. Thank you Glennon… just… Thank you!
Hi Glennon,
Found you through your wonderful Kairos post and been a loving Monkee ever since! So appreciate your voice, your humanity, your wisdom, wicked sense of humor and gift of writing. We are all indeed blessed by your presence in this world and your sharing of your many gifts with all of us – thank you!
Been thinking about your potential move to FL and want to offer that if your Florida wanderings lead you to Miami that we have a wonderful group of like-minded families who have created an amazing community that would love to welcome your family to ours! We get together at least weekly for long, unstructured time on a beautiful secluded beach where the children play (sometimes a few, sometimes dozens), the men and women talk and play and relax and we enjoy a big organic potluck of all of the offerings each family brings. Sometimes we swim or kayak or paddleboard and sometimes we do little – however the mood strikes us. The women also get together monthly to hang out and talk and drink wine, the men take the kids on a big camping adventure each year, the women escape annually for a week with no responsibilities (including husbands or kids) and get together for lots of various other adventures. We have a ball and are SO your kind of people. Know that if you make it to FL and come as far south as Miami that there are loving arms eager to embrace you and your family – it is an amazing place to live that I cannot recommend highly enough!
Much love and many blessings to you and your family – know that your path will lead you all to just where you are meant to be
Dear Abby,
What an incredible Miami community you’re describing! A few days ago, someone I love offered a this comment in reference to the city of Miami (which he had never visited), “Oh, Miami–well, that’s got to be one of the most awful, drug-filled cities ever!” I remember thinking, “I’m not comfortable with those kinds of blanket statements; that sounds like a stereotype and unfair to the really great people who I’m sure live in Miami. How sad that we put people/cities into these pre-packaged stereotypes.” Your Miami community sounds lovely, and nothing like the Miami he was talking about with his comment. It’s always wonderful to have stereotypes and classifications blown apart and dismantled, isn’t it? Thank you, Abby! Please know that I’ll be joining you on your friends on the beach if I ever make my way to Miami!:)
Just a beautiful way to start my day. Thank you for always putting it all out there so clearly. God is good…even when we don’t think He is.
Mindy and Megan you were blessed to help each other through your journeys, which I know are not over and may your friendship continue. I can say that I continue to have anxiety and hopelessness and sadness at times (stage III breast cancer, spread to lymph nodes, 16 weeks of the strongest, worst chemo-poison fondly called Red Devil by the nurses, 32 days straight of radiation after the large tumor shrunk enough to remove it along with my entire chest and way to many surgeries then and since then to keep track of. Every quarterly oncologist visit spent with anxiety hoping your “numbers” stay below 33. Amost 5 years out now, cancer free. Not cured. Friends and family are key – and God if that is your thing. I struggled with that for a bit and had my pitty party/why me, etc. I am pretty positive but at times facing my mortality really brings me down. Who truely knows my survival rate? Yes, it plummets. “I am cured!!” really is not true. I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know this sounds so dismal, but … having had cancer has changed me and it does redefine you and make you look at things around you differently. Yes, every day that I am alive is a blessing and a gift – no one needs to tell you that. I am still wondering just what my purpose is and why as I pretty much feel alone every day, although I am not alone. I can’t explain. Things have been hard ever since that fateful day. I’m done being strong and doing hard things (trying not to be done). I need this stress and anxiety to GO. I do leave it in God’s hands now and mumble a little prayer here and there to please help and stop this depression and anxiety. I don’t mean to be a debbie-downer but I have spent my life being susie sunshine to others and everyone but me. I’m drained. I’m just down. Plain ol’ down. Sorry, I usually comment something more upbeat.
much love to you, T
T, my heart hurts for you. I pray today that you start to find that inner peace that you’re so desperately looking for. May God watch over you and wrap you in His arms. And may you open your eyes again with a smile to life around you.
Dear T,
I’m so very sorry. Thank you for being real and talking about your pain–what a hard road you’re traveling. I’m sending love and prayers for you today, praying that you will not feel alone. You are loved, Dawn
T., I have to apologise to you first of all the things I’d like to say to you. Because I’m going to get cancer, and although I dislike that prospect, I’m doing nothing to prevent it-I’ve been smoking for over 2/3 of my life, and I don’t care to try to quit. I say, “I’m going to…” because, coupled with the smoking, I have a family history of cancer. Three of my grandparents died from it-one when she was 30. I apologise because it must seem as if I’m laughing at your struggles and fears, like I’m ignoring the obvious threat.
I’m not. I’m on this path because of another problem you and I share: depression. Mine may be a side-effect (or, more properly, “co-occurring disorder”) of my ADD-they say this is common-but its source is irrelevant. It’s here, and that’s enough.
I haven’t been through much like the things you’ve been through-the times I’ve feared for my life have been mercifully brief; mere moments or minutes of terror, not the lifelong “when will my body attack me next” kind of anxiety you have faced. I haven’t had whole, precious, beautiful sections of my body carved away. I haven’t been poisoned and irradiated half to death to kill the killer inside me, as you have. I got nuthin’ on the shit you’ve been through. I’m only saying I DO know precisely how you feel, when you say, “I am still wondering just what my purpose is and why as I pretty much feel alone every day, although I am not alone.” Except that I’m usually alone. I get my kids on weekends, and spend the rest of my time waiting for them to come back-and then I’m cranky & irritable with them half the time because I can’t even do so much as straighten my sleep schedule enough to be there for them while they’re here.
I love all these strong women around me here. I just wish you all didn’t have to go through so much crap to get that way.
Paul, it sounds like you have a lot of stressful, hard things going on in your life right now. You are a good dad because you are trying. You are doing the best you can right now. Keep working at it and your best will get better every day.
I read something a couple of years back in which a woman who had suffered a stroke and could do nothing for herself was confident that the reason she remained was that because even in her weakest moments, she could still talk to God on behalf of her loved ones, her enemies, and this ol’ world that needs His touch.
Frankly, those of us who are able-bodied are running around so fast that we often forget to stop and appreciate and pray — so if you’re stopped flat, and praying — you’re doing something for the rest of us. And that is doing SOMETHING — never wasted.
If you’ve never read it (or you can listen to it), put “Joni” by Joni Eareckson Tada on your list.
So ..this is beautiful… we are strugle with the same things .. and maybe is how we deal with taht that makes us what we are … so I decided do try a revolutions here in Brazil … I invited 23 mums ( form my daughter school )…so come togheter .to have an afternoon in my house;; we don´t know each other .. but Im sure that we should know each other .. and help and be friends, and talk and support..
so.. Im anxious ..I need them ..
thank you Glennon ,thank you monkees youre inspiring me
that’s amazing, Maria, good for you!!
Glennon,
I’m one of your non-Goddy devotees, and I’ve commented numerous times to my husband (who is Goddy monkee) that I my passion and belief in you–in what you stand for–helps me understand organized religion. For the first time in my life, I get how crowds of people can be so captivated by and drawn to follow a single person. You are my Jesus, Glennon. Sorry if that’s really offensive to some, I REALLY don’t mean to offend. I don’t mean to be a jerk and hope I haven’t been. I love monkeedom and all of its creatures.
Just wish you didn’t have to follow in his footsteps with the suffering part.
With love,
Jenny
<3 you, Jenny
I want to encourage you, Jenny, that you are not being obnoxious or offensive in saying that Glennon is like Jesus to you. I am a Goddy Monkee, and I know that Jesus reveals Himself and His nature to all of us in precisely the way that we may be reached. We all walk different roads, and I hear what you’re saying and the spirit behind it. And I am GRATEFUL that Glennon, Mother Monkee, has allowed you some understanding of how those of us who follow an organized religion can do so. With so much ugliness and badness that has creeped into religion and been so publicized, it is not difficult for me to see why people shun it. I’m thankful today that some good is being broadcast, and that it reaches and includes everyone, regardless of our differences.
Like so many other monkees, i needed to hear this today. Not for myself, but for the family of my friend Justin who died this week, far too young, after a battle with cancer. 30-anything is too young, and his son is only four. And I’ve been working hard to find the sense flowing beneath the surface of their pain and disbelief. And I’m more than a little pissed, to be honest. But G, your writing always reminds me that love and presence for one another is our number one priority. And it was you who helped me make time and go help care for my friend in his last few weeks. I am forever grateful to you.
much love Bree, I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, so glad you were able to be there for him.
So in tune with where my thoughts have been wandering lately. So thankful we have this community that gives us all strength and love just when we need it most, all of us, including you , G.
Thank you Mindy and Megan <3
Tears, tears, tears!
Thanks for sharing these stories, of two beautiful, courageous ladies.
Thanks also for getting out of bed when you hurt so bad to inspire all of us.
Love does win in the end!
This is the day we can make a difference, tomorrow we may not have a chance!
xo
I am so grateful that you share yourself … both talents and struggles with all of us. Your posts always put life in perspective and help me be the best I can be. May God surround you with love and grace today and put you back on the path of physical well-being.
Glennon, My heart goes out to you! Lyme is nasty, along with the friends it can bring along to the party. Please know that you are being used in a mighty way and that your writing is helping so many, including me. Thank you. God bless you!
Mindy Green…you are a gift, an amazing beautiful gift. What eloquent anointed words, and G thank you for recognizing truth and beauty and love.
The Father is smiling at his daughters today….oh how he loves us so.
I just started reading your blog less than a week ago. Thank you, for sharing your weakness publicly, as your hope has strengthened me. I have a rare disease where my body can’t regulate even the most basic things – heart rate, blood pressure, temperature. Chronic pain and fatigue are a way of life. Yesterday I stayed in bed and wept because I so desire to be ‘normal’. I had decided that my existence is pointless, as I struggle to see how God could have a purpose for me, for this. The idea of living His will one day at a time with whatever He brings my way gives me hope. Right now, my contribution to living for Him may just be enduring, and that’s okay. Thank you for changing my perspective and offering a light of hope in the darkness. Your heart, your honesty, and your vulnerability are beautiful.
much love to you, Jamie, you have found a lovely soft place to land, welcome to the Monkees
Jamie, Welcome! We are so glad you are here! You have made our Monkee circle just that much better because now you’re here!!! YAY!!!
Without this revolution. I would be gone. You wrapped me in love and acceptance when I needed it the very most. God keep Glennon in your love. May your will be done in our lives as you see fit. For Father, you see the picture we can not and you know the blessings you give. May you reach the many hurting Monkees in whatever way they need and may you always stay with me.
love you Hillary
Absolutely Beautiful G. Absolutely Beautiful Mindy. May both of you have a day filled with love, good health and lots of fireworks!! Thank you for your wonderful words…I needed to hear them as I’m struggling to get out of bed today.
Thank you, all 3 of you. I needed this today as my son has a chronic debilitating disease which I find makesme angry and question. Why him? I tell him he is a teacher and God gave him this job to teach others patience, kindness and acceptance. I know we are right where we need to be but sometimes a reminder such as this makes it so much clearer…
Carrie
much love Carrie to you and your son, I hold you in my heart.
Thank you so much for this. Well, I guess I should thank Mindy, as hers were the words I needed to hear today. We are living with the great possibility of losing our foster daughter who’s been a beloved part of us for almost two years. She is 26 months old now and will be devastated. I am in this place…needing to remember that God is love, in control, and has a plan. Thank you.
Linn, sending you Monkee hugs! Sending you lots and lots and lots of prayers and Monkee hugs!
Praying for you and your family
Hi sweet Glennon. Heidi here – frequent lurker, infrequent commenter. Just wanted to jump in the din of folks who are letting you know how much you are NOT wasting your moments, albeit less eloquently. I struggle with depression and anxiety and have since I was a little girl. It’s a silent disease, too – I look okay on the outside but inside some days it’s all I can do to get out of bed. I’m all about “fake it till you make it”. I struggle all. the. time. with feelings of guilt and shame, feeling weak and ungrateful and as though I’m wasting my moments. This, today, and many other days your strength and candor and vulnerability and spirit have spoken to me in exactly the way I needed. Thank you, from the bottom of my broken yet full little heart. You matter so much, and all of your moments matter, and the real strength lies in soldiering on despite the weakness, doesn’t it? Love wins! xoxo
Heidi, I could have written your message myself. Know that you are not alone in your struggles. G’s message and your response is exactly what I needed today. Please know that your moment was absolutely not wasted. You helped me so much! God bless you and thank you!
Thank you Denise. Huge hugs to you!
much love Heidi!
Heidi, I’m right there too. I can be going to the same place I’ve been before and still sometimes have to stop along the side of the road to throw up because I’m so fearful. Hugs to you Heidi! You are truely amazing!
Depression and anxiety are such hard trials to live with. You are a warrior for making it this far. Please know that you are loved and cared for. Keep trying. I will pray for you to feel more peace and happiness.
Much love!
Thank you, Glennon. Thank you for reminding and inspiring and refocusing. Thank you.
I had just put in my status on Facebook “Anya has lost the plot again! Please remind me..!
the post that came in immediately after that was this blog entry.
Thanks. I have been reminded.
Holy smokes, I needed this today. Every last word of it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
much love, G. I’m listening to Jeff Buckley’s version of Hallelujah, one of my favorite songs ever. Having a day before 10 am, but the kids and their dad are out for a while, so I might get a nap, LOL. Hope Alejandro behaves himself today, One of your non Goddy people, but know you speak to and for all of us no matter what language you use, because you speak of and from love. <3 you!
Best song ever!
yup
<3 you, Rachel 
One of the most remarkable songs ever recorded. His voice is straight from the heavens (apropos for this blog, and this crowd of lovely monkees)